Hi,
Before I begin, I want you to understand that Islam is a COMPLETE way of life. It doesn't just cover few aspects of a person's life, but rather every single aspect that makes it up down to the very last intricate detail.
Secondly, Islam has been here since Adam (pbuh) and finalized during the time of Muhammed (pbuh), and between that whole time difference including the time after the death of the Prophet Muhammed (pbuh) there have been MANY people who have been through the exact same thing you are going through, so even though this may be new to you, it's probably an ancient topic in Islam.
Lastly, there is NOTHING in this world or hereafter that compares to Allah or the religion of Islam. Allah is perfect and so is His religion. Those who choose to follow it, must do so with their absolute best efforts, and their most humble and purest intentions. It is not a religion to pick and choose which beliefs to follow. If you know this religion is the religion of Allah and was created perfectly, then there is no reason for you to reject Islam simply because you do not like something about it. We are the ones to adjust to the religion, not vice versa.
Does Islam really demand me to divorce my husband if I convert?
If you became a Muslim, and your husband remained a non-Muslim, this would annul the marriage contract. Thus, the divorce is necessary UNLESS he becomes a Muslim before the woman's iddah (waiting period) is over. Otherwise, any relations taken place while he's a non Muslim would be considered unlawful fornication.
He would never convert to Islam, especially not within 3 months of converting if I chose to do so. And I would never divorce him. Ever. He's an amazing man and the perfect man for me. We are perfect for each other.
Why don't you continue to discuss it with him? It would be better for the both of you if you had each other to support. You'd pray together, fast together, worship together, and you would feel much better at ease knowing you are both following the same faith. If he remains a nonMuslim and you decide to remain with him during your Islamic journey and your faith starts to increase, it may start to bother you that he's not a Muslim either.
I would honestly rather spend eternity in Hell than divorce my husband. In fact, I'd probably beg God to save my husband and let me burn, because I honestly think my husband is a better person than I am. I know it doesn't work this way, but I'm just making a point: I love my husband, and it's til death do us part, not "til religion do we part"
You would be following your desires, not what you think is right. Allah knows what is in everyone's heart and He's most merciful. If He knows there is something you want but have to give it up to be a better Muslim and it's something that will cause you grief, then He will reward you with something a million times better, while still giving you the status of being a better Muslim. All you have to do is put your trust in Him and be patient.
You are not the only person who has had to contemplate these things before your decision to embrace Islam. And I know it's a very difficult decision to make if you love your husband and know he is perfect for you, but at the same time you have to know that there is a being higher than the both of you and He grants you more blessings in a millisecond than your husband has ever given you in his entire life. Allah should be first in your life, period.
Nothing is impossible...if you think that if you divorce your husband for the sake of Allah, and you will end up so miserable etc etc. then you have to reminds yourself that just as Allah has created your husband for you while you were a nonMuslim and you felt him to be perfect for you, then he may replace him with someone who is a Muslim who couldn't even compare with your first husband, or maybe he will open your husband chest towards islam and you can both work together to increase your faith!
Also, if you knew how painful Hell was, you would know that you would not even endure its heat, let alone hell itself, and you would disown his existence for it. If your husband is as you say, he would make an effort to accept Islam just as you have and learn more about it for your sake, so that he can support you 100%. If he knew that there's a divorce involved and that you are very passionate about this religion, then its not fair for him to say that he would NEVER embrace the religion. Even though he is helping you a little bit, eventually you're going to feel alone because what he's helping you with are just the basics..anyone could do that...in fact, you could do it alone. I know that if there is even an ounce of you that believes this religion is perfect, then it will never leave your heart, and you will inevitably feel uncomfortable with yourself continuing your normal way of life.
So I kind of think "Why bother converting?"
Why bother if you guys are just going to tell me I can't be with my husband anymore? He's not a "sacrifice" for God. He's my husband, and he always will be.
So is there really any
point in me converting under these circumstances?
You're not converting for your husband. If you convert, its because YOU believe its the RIGHT religion, not because whether or not your husband can stay. Everything right begins with a huge sacrifice, and you can see it in examples of the past. People even sacrifice their lives...compared to that, your sacrifice isn't as major.
I only suggest that you continue to talk to your husband about the religion, pray that God opens his heart and eyes if you truly believe this religion is the one you want to follow for the rest of your life. Nothing in this world is eternal, so the wise thing to do is invest in things that are.
Peace