Inter faith marriage!

[Purposedriven]

Hi there. Im 25 desperately seeking advice as i am torn apart and dnt knw wot 2do. I was a devouted christian until i married my muslim husbnd 18mnths ago. I chose to revert 2islam without really knwng wot its about. I ws gven the ultimate to revert or we would nt marry- so i did. I hav been a spiritual wreck ever snce because my hrt belongs to christianity. I dread the lie i live that islam is for me and fantasize bout bein a xtian again. Im deeply inlove with my husbnd and he mkes me happy. Bt deep down im utterly sad and thoughts of running away or ending my life come to play. I told him when we were 7mnths married that i wish i were xtian because its who i am and regret leavng the faith. It straind our marriage so much that at 11mnths i moved out wantng a div. I returnd the same day cos he sed i could b wot i want bt hs fam and friends musnt knw. That didnt help either so i chose to try hard at being a muslim. Bt i just cant anymre. Im nw preg and am even mre hrtbroken. I dnt hav the hrt to leav him cos he doesnt deserv a broken hrt and to lose hs wife and kid yet i dnt hav the hrt to stay and wait to die spiritualy torn sumday. What shld i do can any1 pls advice me? I am in tears when alone and yet smile when in company. Its almst christmas and wish i could put up a tree bt obviously cant. Pls help. Purpose driven. :cry:

[Insaanah]

My dear Purposedriven,

I wander if you know that...by becoming a Muslim, you will love, respect, and follow the teachings of Jesus Christ (peace be upon him) more than if you were a Christian. Being a Muslim requires you to develop more love for Jesus (peace be upon him). The things that you will have to give up in terms of belief regarding him, are things that he never preached, i.e. the belief that he is divine, is son of God, died for our sins, or was crucified.

By becoming a Muslim, you are actually following the true teachings of Christ (peace be upon him). He never made pork lawful for his followers to eat. He never told people to worship him nor did he say he was God. You will be following the faith that all the prophets (peace be upon them) preached.

We believe in all the prophets, from Adam, right through to Muhammad (peace be upon them all). They didn't preach different faiths, but said to people "Worship Allah, my Lord and your Lord, and associate none in His divinity."

We do not reject any of the prophets (peace be upon them), neither do we exaggerate the status of any of them to something it wasn't.

Of course you will have to follow the teachings of the last Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him), who came confirming the earlier original scriptures.

I found the following EXCELLENT link which gives commands that are common between the Qur'an and the Bible (such as abstaining from pork, alcohol, women covering themselves, prayers and washing before prayer, Jesus peace be upon him not being divine etc etc), which Muslims follow and Christians don't, and it gives you all the Biblical (and Qur'anic) references to back it up.

http://www.irf.net/index.php?option=...128&Itemid=146

Various issues are discussed and then the conclusion is reached that, actually, Muslims are more Christian than the Christians themselves! All because they are following the unadulterated teachings of Christ (peace be upon him). But it's explained in a nice, non-condescending and non-patronising way.

The video of the talk that the above link came from (Similarities between Islam and Christianity) is here:

http://www.archive.org/details/21_Si...ity_truthwaytv

With regards to putting up a Christmas tree, I can understand thats its something you've done for so long and is so part of Christmas and that time of year for you. But I think that they were originally of pre-Christian, pagan origin. A true love and obedience of Jesus's commands (peace be upon him) will be more beautiful in the sight of God than a tree, no matter how nicely it's decorated.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christmas_tree

We have a chapter in the Qur'an named after lady Mary (peace be upon her), and Jesus (peace be upon him) is mentioned by name in the Qur'an five times more than prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him)

Sister, I know it's probably easy for me to say, but please don't feel spiritually torn. I would say, please look at the links over the next few days/weeks, objectively. See it as a fact finding mission that you are going on. And just for that next few days/weeks, put that torn feeling aside and look at the facts. At the end of that see how you feel.

Oh and of course, make earnest prayer to God to help you and guide you.

With very best wishes for you. :)

May Allah guide you (and us all) to the straight path. Ameen.

Peace.

P.S. Also, if you have any other questions or doubts, please ask :)

[cat eyes]

:sl: sister do you mind if i ask you and please dont get angry with me. but what do you find so great about being a christcian?? is it any life to live sister? tell me what you are missing? is it alcohol and going to clubs i just really want to understand your mentality sis thats all. has your husband helped you in any way with your deen at all?

[Hamza Asadullah]

Hi there. Im 25 desperately seeking advice as i am torn apart and dnt knw wot 2do. I was a devouted christian until i married my muslim husbnd 18mnths ago. I chose to revert 2islam without really knwng wot its about. I ws gven the ultimate to revert or we would nt marry- so i did. I hav been a spiritual wreck ever snce because my hrt belongs to christianity. I dread the lie i live that islam is for me and fantasize bout bein a xtian again. Im deeply inlove with my husbnd and he mkes me happy. Bt deep down im utterly sad and thoughts of running away or ending my life come to play. I told him when we were 7mnths married that i wish i were xtian because its who i am and regret leavng the faith. It straind our marriage so much that at 11mnths i moved out wantng a div. I returnd the same day cos he sed i could b wot i want bt hs fam and friends musnt knw. That didnt help either so i chose to try hard at being a muslim. Bt i just cant anymre. Im nw preg and am even mre hrtbroken. I dnt hav the hrt to leav him cos he doesnt deserv a broken hrt and to lose hs wife and kid yet i dnt hav the hrt to stay and wait to die spiritualy torn sumday. What shld i do can any1 pls advice me? I am in tears when alone and yet smile when in company. Its almst christmas and wish i could put up a tree bt obviously cant. Pls help. Purpose driven. :cry:

Hello and welcome to the forum. It is knowledge that is key for us to clear any misconceptions we may have in our lives. It is knowledge that will give us the clarification we need on any matter.

First of all we should realise that ALL prophets and messengers sent by God came with the same messege and that is to establish the oneness of God and that includes Jesus who was a revered Prophet of Allah who came to re-establish the old testament given to Moses not to abrogate or change it like Paul did. It is satan that has from the beginning of creation wanted to lead man astray and his biggest achievement was to make man worship other than God and to ascribe partners to him. Nowhere in the Bible does Jesus attribute himself to God but his words and teachings have been distorted and intepreted in such a way as to make a man of God to become a God himself.

The following statements in the Bible are attributed to Jesus Christ:


"My Father is greater than I." [The Bible, John 14:28]

"My Father is greater than all." [The Bible, John 10:29]

"…I cast out devils by the Spirit of God…." [The Bible, Mathew 12:28]

"…I with the finger of God cast out devils…." [The Bible, Luke 11:20]

"I can of mine own self do nothing: as I hear, I judge: and my judgement is just; because I seek not my own will, but the will of the Father which hath sent me." [The Bible, John 5:30]

Please click on the link to read more about the real truth about Christianity:

http://www.ilovezakirnaik.com/compar...n_Christianity

I thought I would also paste some more very interesting links for you to look at for your own knolwedge.

I've also pasted the link "Very Useful Threads For Those Looking Into Islam" which includes various very interesting and thought provoking articles on various aspects of Islam which you will be interested in finding out about as it may clear a lot of things for you.

Allah is wanting to lead you towards Islam and not everyone is given the most amazing gift of faith. That is why you were inclined to come here.

If you have any more questions then please do not hesitate to ask.

How The Bible Led Me To Islam

http://www.gawaher.com/index.php?showtopic=729245.html&

Very Useful Threads For Those Looking Into Islam, Some Amazing threads for those looking into Islam!!!

http://www.gawaher.com/index.php?showtopic=729261.html&

Brilliant "proof Of Islam" Lectures By Abdul Rahman Green

http://www.gawaher.com/index.php?showtopic=729249.html&

See why they converted to Islam:

http://forum.mpacuk.org/showthread.php?t=44218

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[S_87]

if you became a muslim as you say and then returned to christianity you are considered an apostate/murtad.
i advise you to look at islam closely, what are you looking for? look at the position of Jesus peace be upon him in islam.

as for your marraige it is no longer valid since you became a muslim and then left islam. your husband should be made aware of this.

[ruk]

Praise be to Allah (The Glorified and Exalted).

You need to increase your knowledge of Islam. Try the following websites:

1) Interview with Dr. Dirks, a former minister. Scroll to the bottom of the page in the following link:
http://thedeenshow.com/show.php?action=guest&id=9

2) Watch the lectures on the following site:
http://www.youtube.com/user/khalifah...g?blend=1&ob=4

3) Read the articles on the following site:
http://www.islamreligion.com/


Ask Allah (God) to guide you onto the straight path and make you accept and follow it. Let us know about your situation after you have taken these measures.

[Donia]

Insane Insaan, I completely agree with you. Sister, that was a beautiful post. Masha'Allah.

Amani I don't believe it will make their marriage invalid should the original poster decide to return to Christianity. Muslim men are allowed to marry women of the book and she would fall into that category.

Purposedriven Being confused is not a fun state to be in. Have you tried to read about Islam on your own? Do your own research?
I understand your pregnant right now masha'Allah so maybe the hormones are just intensifying your feelings.
May Allah guide you and make it easy for you. Ameen.

[S_87]

Amani I don't believe it will make their marriage invalid should the original poster decide to return to Christianity. Muslim men are allowed to marry women of the book and she would fall into that category.

people are who christian and never accepted islam are different to people who were muslim and then turned their back on islam regardless of which religion they chose to follow.
disbelieving after being a muslim is apostasy and the rulings on apostasy apply here and that includes the marriage becoming void

[OurIslamic]

Islam contains the true teachings of Christianity. You can't be Muslim without believing the core (and true) beliefs that Christians and Jews believe in.

I'm getting the feeling that your husband has not properly introduced you to Islam. Please ask him to do so (go to a Masjid and talk to the local imam), and then come tell us your experience! If you need any more help, please ask. :)

[cat eyes]

:sl:brother ourislamic is right i don't think your husband helped you at all this is why your facing these tough problems.. You cannot simply revert without help. I couldn't revert without any help. What made me fall in love with islam is learning about the life of prophet mohammad saw from other muslims. His kindness and how wise he was towards others no matter how they treated him... And then the mercy of Allah swt and how he will punish those who associate partnerz with him when there is only ONE GOD and how he favours those whom he wills and guide them to this beautiful religion. I was totally in a miserable state before finding islam. I was lost and confused about god. I really began to believe that islam was the truth when muslims started questioning me how could god be a human and why would god even want to show himself as a human when he is god? Why do you people go to the church and confess your sins to a human when no human can forgive your sins for you?? And i realised i could not answer none of there tough questions.

[Donia]

people are who christian and never accepted islam are different to people who were muslim and then turned their back on islam regardless of which religion they chose to follow.
disbelieving after being a muslim is apostasy and the rulings on apostasy apply here and that includes the marriage becoming void

I apologize.
I did not know that.

To the original poster,
have you tried meeting other sisters? Perhaps going to an Islamic class?

[Hamza Asadullah]

people are who christian and never accepted islam are different to people who were muslim and then turned their back on islam regardless of which religion they chose to follow.
disbelieving after being a muslim is apostasy and the rulings on apostasy apply here and that includes the marriage becoming void

Asalaamu Alaikum Wr Wb, she did clearly state that she only said the Shahada in order to marry her husband because he stated that he can only marry her if she converts and that she did not say the shahada wholeheartedly fully believing it in her heart. This being the case her shahada would not have been accepted anyway. It was upto her husband to tell her about Islam properly from the beginning and to make sure that she FULLY understood, accepted and believed in her heart that Islam was the truth and then to say the Shahada wholheartedly.

A lot of Muslims who end up marrying non Muslims do not explain Islam to them properly and only tell them to convert just so that they can marry them, maybe its because they themselves do not know enough about Islam and are themselves not practising. This is a big mistake as I myself have seen and heard of many of such marriages that inevitabley breakdown and the children are the ones that end up sufferring being brought up like non Muslims, confused as to who they are and what their purpose in life is.

She clearly only said the shahada for him and not because she believes it so this shahada cannot be valid on the basis of saying it from the tongue and not by the heart because acceptance occurs in the heart and not on the tongue.

[Insaanah]

:sl:

I agree with Bro Hamza's post.

In addition to that, there are certain conditions for the shahadah.

Amongst these are Knowledge, certainty, submission, it must be said truthfully from the heart, and sincerely, with love for what it means, accepted totally, and rejection of anything worshipped other than Allah. Many of these were missing. The sister herself says that she reverted without really knowing what it was about, and she did it under an ultimatum, which does not sound willingly.

So her shahada was probably never valid to begin with, in which case we shouldn't call her an apostate.

Allah knows best.

However.....this is a turning point for her, and I would encourage her to take this opportunity that she has been presented with and explore the information and links provided to deepen her love, respect and obeyance of Jesus (peace be upon him) as a messenger of Allah, and to accept Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) as the final messenger, and Allah as the One True Lord, Who has no associate in His Divinity.

May Allah guide us all. Ameen.

:sl:

[S_87]

Asalaamu Alaikum Wr Wb, she did clearly state that she only said the Shahada in order to marry her husband because he stated that he can only marry her if she converts and that she did not say the shahada wholeheartedly fully believing it in her heart. This being the case her shahada would not have been accepted anyway. It was upto her husband to tell her about Islam properly from the beginning and to make sure that she FULLY understood, accepted and believed in her heart that Islam was the truth and then to say the Shahada wholheartedly.

A lot of Muslims who end up marrying non Muslims do not explain Islam to them properly and only tell them to convert just so that they can marry them, maybe its because they themselves do not know enough about Islam and are themselves not practising. This is a big mistake as I myself have seen and heard of many of such marriages that inevitabley breakdown and the children are the ones that end up sufferring being brought up like non Muslims, confused as to who they are and what their purpose in life is.

She clearly only said the shahada for him and not because she believes it so this shahada cannot be valid on the basis of saying it from the tongue and not by the heart because acceptance occurs in the heart and not on the tongue.

if this is the case then she should refer her matter to a scholar since Allah knows what is in her heart and if she said shahadah and made/is making people believe that she is muslim (which he husband wants her to continue doimg) when she is not then that is nifaq/hypocrisy and that has rulings in itself.

[Insaanah]

:sl:

Allah knows best, and going just on the basis of the information provided by Purposedriven, and without trying to pass judgement, the situation appears to be this:

Husband
It appears that he threatened not to marry her if she didn't become a Muslim, so he forced her without explaining to her what Islam was about. In that case, he has wronged her greatly.
He thinks he's made her a Muslim, but actually hasn't. He hasn't realised that a forced shahaadah is not valid.

Wife
She has been threatened with no marriage so said the shahaadah without full knowledge. She thinks that she has become Muslim, but her heart is still in Christianity.


Had she said the shahaadah of her own volition with knowledge and then felt how she does and led people herself to believe that she was a Muslim, then thats a clear cut case of nifaaq. But her shahadah was forced, and on top of that most of the conditions weren't fulfilled. It's the husband who compelled her, and wants to have a Muslim wife but, it appears, without explaining Islam properly to her. She's going along with that but feels awful in her heart, and has tried to discuss with him. A hypocrite never feels awful in their heart, but rather is deceptive.

Let us not think people as being apostates and hypocrites without clear proofs. As stated above, Allah knows best what is in people's hearts.

Let us try to help Purposedriven to discover and learn about Islam in it's true form, and let us pray that Allah also guides her husband to the right path too, so that their love and marriage may yet endure, and that they may spend many happy years together. Ameen.

I repeat my plea to her to take this opportunity and look at and explore the information and links provided deepen her love, respect and obeyance of Jesus (peace be upon him) as a messenger of Allah, and to accept Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) as the final messenger, and Allah as the One True Lord, Who has no associate in His Divinity.

We are here for you sister, for your further questions, queries and clarifications. They are most welcome :)

May Allah guide us all. Ameen.

Peace.

[Twitch]

Your husband should accept you for who you are. Threatening to leave you unless you convert...that was a bit pointless. Clearly if you wanted to convert you would have done so on your own accord. Also, you say that you love him...so I don't think there's any use crying over a christmas tree. Weight it up. Decide what you can and cannot live with and go forward with that.

[Humbler_359]

:sl: Sister,

After jumping to marriage, now she admitted to husband where she belonged and where she came from. She considered christian herself after leaving Islam. That doesn't look good. Keep in mind there is life more ahead than just love.

Hiding the fact (being christian) from husband's family and friends is terrible.

Allah (SWT) doesn't accept someone who kept secret for long times against parents in His whole Witness.


imsad

[IAmZamzam]

First off, PurposeDriven, neither Islam nor Christianity allows suicide, and if you're having thoughts of it then you need to consult a professional about it.

Second, if you like I could, God willing, help you become convinced of Islam and that way everyone wins. Whatever stands in the way of your believing, maybe we can clear up, if you'll let me. If it's just the emotional attachment to your old religion then you should know better than to let it sway you, and also that it will go away in time. I guarantee it.

[//-Asif-\\]

Asalaam Alaikum

Wow, this just shows how important communication is in a relationship. How long did you know your husband before all this love and marriage stuff came into play? There were no religious discussions, compare/contrast and all the like before you decided to wed him? When you just blindly accept a religion out of love only, problems and sadness are guaranteed to follow.

It's clear you went into this (marriage) without pondering much on a lot of important aspects that factor into longevity of a relationship. A proper understanding of Islam will do wonders. I'm sure there were qualities that you admired in your husband that led you to marry him (other than looks of course). Honesty, kindness, etc. Ask yourself why you fell in love with the guy, why you chose him above everyone else? Was it his character? You fell in love with him probably because of characteristics that Islam ingrained in him.

I married someone outside of my religion. My wife was a christian but non practicing and questioned her faith. I talked with her and let her know of my intentions of marrying her but let her know that it would be BEST if she were a Muslim before hand. After that I actually had long discussions with her about Islam, similarities and differences with Christianity and other faiths, about the Prophet Muhammad (pbuh). I wasn't just preaching to her, it was back and forth. I answered whatever questions and concerns she had. I gave her a Qur'an and other Islamic books, suggested good websites for her and everything that one must do to point someone in the right direction to learn. She learned and realized it was the truth, not from my urgings or because she was in love with me.

She noticed that a guy like me, in a world of jerks and cheaters and liars was honest, kind, sincere and caring. I didn't drink or smoke or get involved with bad crowds, clubbing and the like. I never had past girlfriends, was sexually active and such. I didn't cuss up a storm like other people. I was different from other guys and she knew that just be talking with me and getting to know me. And she knew that Islam played a prime role in me being that way, in me standing out to her above that rest. Islam made me the way I am. So after learning, researching and talking with me, she accepted Islam with me by her side and later we were married.

I think that aspect is what lacked in your relationship with your husband, which is why you still have strong feelings for Christianity, why you still doubt Islam and why you are going through all this grief and pain. He should've done proper dawah. I'm not trying to judge but I probably think that he may not be the greatest practicing Muslim, otherwise this would have been avoided. Discussion and education is the key over blind faith.

[AnonymousPoster]

Insane Insaan, I completely agree with you. Sister, that was a beautiful post. Masha'Allah.

Amani I don't believe it will make their marriage invalid should the original poster decide to return to Christianity. Muslim men are allowed to marry women of the book and she would fall into that category.

Purposedriven Being confused is not a fun state to be in. Have you tried to read about Islam on your own? Do your own research?
I understand your pregnant right now masha'Allah so maybe the hormones are just intensifying your feelings.
May Allah guide you and make it easy for you. Ameen.

Asaalam aliekum

When you say people of the book ,who do you mean ?to my undrestanding people of the book are for christians who practically follow xtianity the full ,would you call a person whos not a muslim tht goes to the pub knows nothing about xtianity only because he or she was brought up in the xtian religion?.the way we have pious muslims is same way you find pious xtians who go to church en so forth .

[Italianguy]

Hi there. Im 25 desperately seeking advice as i am torn apart and dnt knw wot 2do. I was a devouted christian until i married my muslim husbnd 18mnths ago. I chose to revert 2islam without really knwng wot its about. I ws gven the ultimate to revert or we would nt marry- so i did. I hav been a spiritual wreck ever snce because my hrt belongs to christianity. I dread the lie i live that islam is for me and fantasize bout bein a xtian again. Im deeply inlove with my husbnd and he mkes me happy. Bt deep down im utterly sad and thoughts of running away or ending my life come to play. I told him when we were 7mnths married that i wish i were xtian because its who i am and regret leavng the faith. It straind our marriage so much that at 11mnths i moved out wantng a div. I returnd the same day cos he sed i could b wot i want bt hs fam and friends musnt knw. That didnt help either so i chose to try hard at being a muslim. Bt i just cant anymre. Im nw preg and am even mre hrtbroken. I dnt hav the hrt to leav him cos he doesnt deserv a broken hrt and to lose hs wife and kid yet i dnt hav the hrt to stay and wait to die spiritualy torn sumday. What shld i do can any1 pls advice me? I am in tears when alone and yet smile when in company. Its almst christmas and wish i could put up a tree bt obviously cant. Pls help. Purpose driven. :cry:

"Purpose Driven Life" is an awesome book. I am assuming you have read it, asbyour user name implies?

You are in a tough situation. Have you tried marriage counsiling?

Since you are a Christain, assuming you believe in the Holy Trinity, and that Jesus Christ is your Lord and Saviuor. You really need to consult a pastor. You should also tell him about your feelings of taking your own life, imsad another was right about this, it is neither accepted by Islam or Christianity.

Your bigest concern is you first, then the fat that you are bearing a child and have a husband and family to attend to. Your first and foremost obligation is God and giving Him glory. It is because of God you have all of these positive things happening in your life.

Take out the fact that you are fighting with yourself about this....You gave nothing but great things to be thankful to God for, Husband, Baby, life.

Enjoy these things while your still here:D

Is your husband understanding of your Christianity?

If he has no problem why do you?

If he does have a problem, ask him if he can learn to understand.

Put him in your situation, would he do the same?

Also keep in mind what the Bible says about a marriage like this.

1 Corinthians 7:12–13 (NIV)

12 To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. 13 And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him.14 For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.



Talk this through sister. I couldn't imagine being in a situation like this. But good can come of it.

Oh btw, you probably won't be able to put up a Christmas tree, but you can always go to your families house? :D

Don't be in tears sisterimsad

You have many that care about you(and me) and One who's unconditional love will never leave you! (you know who i'm talking about)

God bless.