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AnonymousPoster
11-29-2009, 05:12 PM
I said no to a man who proposed to me because i found out almost every family member of his that has passed away in the last 40 years has had cancer or died from it. His grandfather, great grandfather, aunts, uncle are all people who have had it. At first when he told me his one uncle has it, i didnt not think much of it because his uncle fought in a war where chemical warfare was used. But a few days ago he revealed to me how many relatives had it.
I thought he was a good match, but I just dont feel secure anymore in marrying into a family that has that genetic risk cancer.

Would it bad if i told him that was my reason? Or should i just say i dont think we are compatible? :(
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Snowflake
11-29-2009, 09:53 PM
assalamu alaykum,

I believe in not worrying about such things. A perfectly healthy person with no family history of disease can drop dead in a split second. I'd rather spend a few years of married life with a man who has taqwa than decades with a man who has none. Most important of all is the fact that...


[No calamity strikes except with the permission of Allah.] Qur'an 64/11

[Say: Nothing will befall us except what Allah had decreed for us, He is our protecting Ally, and upon Allah let the believers depend.] Qur'an 9/51

http://www.new-muslims.net/aqida/iman6pillar.htm
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Hamza Asadullah
11-29-2009, 10:25 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by AnonymousGender
I said no to a man who proposed to me because i found out almost every family member of his that has passed away in the last 40 years has had cancer or died from it. His grandfather, great grandfather, aunts, uncle are all people who have had it. At first when he told me his one uncle has it, i didnt not think much of it because his uncle fought in a war where chemical warfare was used. But a few days ago he revealed to me how many relatives had it.
I thought he was a good match, but I just dont feel secure anymore in marrying into a family that has that genetic risk cancer.

Would it bad if i told him that was my reason? Or should i just say i dont think we are compatible? :(
Asalaamu Alaikum Wr Wb, my sister there is no such thing in Islam because life and death are ONLY in the hands of Allah.

It may also be the case that a person may have a clean record of health in ones family and may never have smoked or polluted there body and be a regular at the gym eating healthy etc but they may fall dead at any second and i myself have read of such cases.

A women should only choose a person for marriage on the grounds that they can provide for her aswell as being a pious man who is fully practising in their deen and one who would lead their partner towards Jannah. Then one should do isthikhara and ask of Allah and whatever is best will happen inshallah.

So there is no need to worry as death is ONLY in the hands of Allah and ONLY he has the knowledge of when a person will die.
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- IqRa -
11-30-2009, 11:47 AM
Have you performed Istikharah?
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S_87
11-30-2009, 12:51 PM
:sl:

what if you married a man and he died early from a heart attack. what if you married another man and he got cancer? what if you got cancer and died?

my own grandfather had cancer and passed away. he was old, like 70. he could have had a heart attack. could have been diabetes etc. the thing is, we all die, in different ways and if youre gonna get cancer it is the will of Allah. sure some cancers are hereditary. if you want you could ask if all his relatives had similiar/same cancer?

in the end the decision is yours, but put yourself in that position and ask yourself if youd like it if someone turned you down even though you were healthy, because of genetics.
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cat eyes
11-30-2009, 03:20 PM
:sl:i don't know why he told you that because that would naturally scare anybody and make some people run a mile. well the way i see it cancer is on the rise anyway.. nearly everybody you already know in your life time will get it. thats how common it is but i do not blame you for how your feeling. brothers and sisters already gave some good answers here mashaAllah :wa:
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Ansariyah
11-30-2009, 04:29 PM
u never know it cud be tht a perfectly healthy man dies be4 him. Its not worth to stress about matters of death its in Allahs hands.
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AnonymousPoster
11-30-2009, 07:38 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Yanoorah
u never know it cud be tht a perfectly healthy man dies be4 him. Its not worth to stress about matters of death its in Allahs hands.
Thats different, as is what another poster said about what if i marry a man who has a heartattack.
There have been random instances of a heartattack here, or an illness there in my family but each of those was caused by either smoking, alcohol or exposure to chemical warfare (some of my family is from bosnia where there was a war)

With him it is different. For several generations there has been cancer in a large numbers in his family. It is clearly genetic (and ofcourse by Gods will--i am not trying to exclude that thought)

I did put myself in that position when i thought about it and i would not blame a person for turning away from me if more than half of my relatives were dying or had died from cancer.
I am not just thinking of myself here. What if i have children with this person, he gets cancer and dies leaving them without a father? What if one of my children inherit the genes from their father and get cancer? How would i possibly bear that burden?
I have seen mothers suffer as their children slowly waisted away from cancer. I work in the medical field, it is by far one of the most difficult things to watch as a family falls apart at the seams because of cancer. Let alone to have to go through that myself.

I have made up my mind. I do not wish to enter into relationship with this man. I have always had a mahram present and have only spent a few occasions in his presence. He is not "in love" with me nor i with him, it is still early for that and that is why i do not feel as though he or i am losing something.
I feel my reason is adequate for me. One of you may marry someone you know has a genetic disposition to getting cancer but I myself cannot to do it.

My question in the thread was how do i turn him down, do i tell him the truth of the matter or should i be vague and merely state that i am not compatible with him.
I see now that there is no straight answer i can give without him being somewhat put off. So i will just state that i do not feel he is right for me and i right for him. Thanks for the respnses.
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AlbanianMuslim
11-30-2009, 07:42 PM
If he had every other part of the "package" I am not sure i would turn him down because of the cancer thing, but I cant say i would say yes or no since ive never been in that situation. I would probably just say you do not feel that you and he should marry. There really is no nice way to say no to a marriage proposal.
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Cabdullahi
12-01-2009, 04:33 PM
Did you know that cancer is not contractible so if the family members start hugging you and stuff you'd get absolute diddly-squat!
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AlbanianMuslim
12-02-2009, 12:10 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by Abdullahii
Did you know that cancer is not contractible so if the family members start hugging you and stuff you'd get absolute diddly-squat!
Not funny in the least.

Cancer is contractible if it runs in the family genetically. A good friend of mine lost both of her aunts to ovarian cancer and she found a cyst a few years ago which had to be removed immediately.
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