Muslim guy, white girlfriend - what do I do?

[conformed]

Hello, I am a 18 year old guy, currently in college. I've been having a relationship with a white girl for a month or so. Recently, my mum who is an strong muslim has been suspecting things and gathered small amounts of evidence to confront me, punish me and tell me to stop.

My question is what do I do? I don't want to give up the relationship but I don't know how to explain it to my parents. My mum is also an Asian person with strong cultural beliefs. Everything she believes in says we shouldn't be but I can't help how I feel. Help?

[Beardo]

:threadapp:

Hmm... You can't have pre-marital relations though, bro.

You have two options at this point.

1. Convert her to Islam (without force) and marry her.

2. Have a girlfriend divorce. Whatever you call that.

Because you have 2 problems here. Firstly, you're not allowed to have pre-marital relations. And secondly, you have to be obedient to your parents.

May Allah Ta'ala make this easy for you, my dear brother.

[emir88]

My brother, the most important thing is not to make your mom angry... our profit(pbuh) said told us to respect our mothers more than anything on this world... he said respect your mother, respect your mother, respect your mother... and the foruth time he said respect your father... another solution is to convert your to islam and marry her(if she really loves you, she'll do anything for you;))... I hope this can help you bro... may Allah bless you.

[Cabdullahi]

Love your mother!!..........leave that girl

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[Rabi'ya]

:sl:

Good things may come out of this. I'm guessing, that as you've posted here, you know that having a girlfriend is wrong but that u'd like to make it halaal if poss.

best think u can do as the brother advised before is to invite her to Islam. why dont u tel her about Islam or give her some stuff to read/websites...invite her here :D has she expressed any interest in Islam at all...does she ask about ur religion/culture.

I reverted because of a Muslim guy who invted me to Islam. I was never extremely friendly with him but alhamdululillah he initiated my acceptance of Islam. To this day we do not keep in touch but I am always grateful to him for bringing me to Islam.

Also, you need to stop any haramness.....girlfriendy/boyfriendy type activity inshAllah it will be in ur best interests too.

May Allah guide you and reward you for all that you do good inshAllah....ameen

[alcurad]

^this. good advice sister victoria :), I never knew...

brother conformed, it's a phase and will pass as you mature, not that feelings are not important, but maybe you should focus more on your studies etc?

[GuestFellow]

This is why girls and boys should NEVER MIX!!!! XD

Okay your in a relationship with a girl who is not married to you, so it is clearly haraam. You need to end the relationship. Sorry but you should not be doing things in secrete behind your parents back and you need to be honest with them.

Focus on your studies!

[aadil77]

This must be a joke, you come to an islamic forum telling us how you don't want to give up your haraam relationship, we don't offer unislamic advice on how to go against Allah and your parents, I mean what did you expect by coming here and informing us about your sins?

[Esther462]

My advice is:
1. not keep secrets from you mum. Trust me that is not a good idea. They know everything.
2. Ask your girlfriend if she is intrested in Isalm
3. If you have to have a realtionship with her, keep it open and ask a neatal friend to come along when you see her so you two are not left alone.

[cat eyes]

:sl: your 18years and sexually activ so get married if you can afford it but not with a non muslim i mean do not tell HER to revert cos you wana marry her thats just insane ;D get her in touch with other sisters or tell her to join IB but if she has no interest in religion then leave her she is not worth it:hmm: and there is plenty of muslimah's around. she ain't the only girl in the world you know:wa:

[shockOFthunder]

You need to end this relationship and respect your parents' will this instant.

I hate this 'fad' going on in our culture that makes women "be better people" if they date and are really attracted tonon white guys, especially Arab or Muslim guys. That explains why I always see white girls at my school making out with Muslim guys. I guess it's "hip" and "cool" to be that way, huh kiddos?

Just saying, they only do it for show anyway. But you should follow your religion, respect your parents' authority and follow your/their cultural customs and way of life.

[//-Asif-\\]

First off conformed, before you even think about inviting her to Islam, take a good look at yourself, your level of Islamic knowledge, your level of faith in Allah (swt) and the laws He has put forth and in Muhammad (pbuh) and his example.

Basically I'm saying is that you need to get yourself informed about your religion. Yeah everyone can tell you that boyfriend/girlfriend relationships are no-no's but I'm sure you want to know why. Go look at the Qur'an and see what Allah says about it and you will realize the severity of the situation. Learn about Allah, your creator and learn about the consequences of going against His rules. He's given you free will to do what you want, good or bad, but he also gave you a mind to seek knowledge and realize what's cool with him and what is not going to be tolerated. You can only do that by learning about Islam and you can only be able to effectively invite someone to Islam if you actually have a sound heart and mind only gained by LEARNING ABOUT Islam, reading the Qur'an, reading the Hadiths of the Prophet (pbuh) AND APPLYING THEM into your life. You want it to be more condensed then take note of these 3 steps:

1) Learn, 2) Understand, 3) APPLY. Simple as that.

Your best course of action right now: Dump her, avoid her and take some time out of your "busy" life and learn about the religion you were born into and participate in that three step program I put above.

[Muslim Woman]

:sl:

My brother, the most important thing is not to make your mom angry..

actually the most important matter is not to make Allah angry . As it's haram to have a close relationship with opposite sex without marriage , bro should end the illegal relationship right now.

Does not matter if parents approve the relationship or not , he must do it for the sake of Allah.


“…and do not come near Zina; indeed, it is an abomination and an evil way” (Al-Isra’: 32),


" ...come not nigh to indecent deeds. Whether open or secret;... "(6:151)


Tell the believing men to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden things), and protect their private parts (from illegal sexual acts, etc.). That is purer for them. Verily, Allah is All-Aware of what they do.


( سورة النور , An-Noor, Chapter #24, Verse #30)

[Italianguy]

Hello, I am a 18 year old guy, currently in college. I've been having a relationship with a white girl for a month or so. Recently, my mum who is an strong muslim has been suspecting things and gathered small amounts of evidence to confront me, punish me and tell me to stop.

My question is what do I do? I don't want to give up the relationship but I don't know how to explain it to my parents. My mum is also an Asian person with strong cultural beliefs. Everything she believes in says we shouldn't be but I can't help how I feel. Help?

Even my bible confirms that you should never involve yourself in pre-marital relations. Also to Honor your parents. So i have to agree with my Muslim Brothers and sisters here. If you feel so strongly about her...marry her, and make an honest woman of her. Oh yeah, you better do like i did and go to her father first before she even knows, or send your brother or uncle like i have to in my Italian family. God be with you.

[Muslim Woman]

Salaam/Peace

Even my bible confirms that you should never involve yourself in pre-marital relations. Also to Honor your parents. .

Muslims and Christians have so many things in common .:statisfie

[Humbler_359]

:sl: Brother,

Most of our replies here is correct, we are quite understood it is common these days for teenagers illegally having relationship with girls.

One thing I want you to make sure you know "in pre-martial relations with girls" is PRACTICES sexually and using each other for no reasons. That's what most people do today that they didn't realize the double sins they did. Pre-martial relations is temporary and wasting your precious life.

My advice is to leave the girl that wouldn't sustain forever. It is practice, and wrong practice. Then if you wish to marry her, go ahead.

The road will be ahead difficult and rough for youimsad if you don't listen to your own trustworthy mother, father and our members here based on our experiences.

Focus your school, improve grades, increase your deeds, and get higher to the mountains you will appreciated.

[Italianguy]

Salaam/Peace



Muslims and Christians have so many things in common .:statisfie

More that most are willing to admit.imsad

[Humbler_359]

Even my bible confirms that you should never involve yourself in pre-marital relations. Also to Honor your parents. So i have to agree with my Muslim Brothers and sisters here. If you feel so strongly about her...marry her, and make an honest woman of her. Oh yeah, you better do like i did and go to her father first before she even knows, or send your brother or uncle like i have to in my Italian family. God be with you.

:sl: Brother,

Could you provide verses from Bible? There are many pre-martial relations inside the Church while singing/praying (sit up and sit down). Even priests or pastors didn't even complain it.

Basically, I don't agree Christians and Muslims are many commons but just very fews. Judiasm and Muslims are common foundations, yes.

You must be Orthodox Catholic Christian, not western standard correct?

Regards.

[Italianguy]

:sl: Brother,

Could you provide verses from Bible? There are many pre-martial relations inside the Church while singing/praying (sit up and sit down). Even priests or pastors didn't even complain it.

Basically, I don't agree Christians and Muslims are many commons but just very fews. Judiasm and Muslims are common foundations, yes.

You must be Orthodox Catholic Christian, not western standard correct?

Regards.

I dont know what you mean with sitting and standing? Priests wouldn't complain about that?
No I am not Catholic most of my family is Roman Catholic. I am Protestant.

Here are some of the Bible verses you requested. If you need more let me know, the are plenty. God be with you.


The apostle Paul wrote these verses:
The acts of the sinful nature are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God. (NIV, Galatians 5:19-21)
Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins people commit are outside their bodies, but those who sin sexually sin against their own bodies. Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies. (TNIV, 1 Corinthians 6:18-20)
It is God's will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control your own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the pagans, who do not know God; (TNIV, 1 Thessalonians 4:3-5)
Now concerning the matters about which you wrote: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. (English Standard Version, 1 Corinthians 7:1-5)
Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion. (NIV, 1 Corinthians 7:8-9)
On matters of honoring our parents:

Ephesians 6:1-4 ESV Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. (2) “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), (3) “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.” (4) Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

Colossians 3:20 ESV Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.

[Italianguy]

I dont know what you mean with sitting and standing? Priests wouldn't complain about that?
No I am not Catholic most of my family is Roman Catholic. I am Protestant.

Here are some of the Bible verses you requested. If you need more let me know, the are plenty. God be with you.


The apostle Paul wrote these verses:


The acts of the sinful nature are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God. (NIV, Galatians 5:19-21)


Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins people commit are outside their bodies, but those who sin sexually sin against their own bodies. Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies. (TNIV, 1 Corinthians 6:18-20)


It is God's will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control your own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the pagans, who do not know God; (TNIV, 1 Thessalonians 4:3-5)


Now concerning the matters about which you wrote: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. (English Standard Version, 1 Corinthians 7:1-5)

Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion. (NIV, 1 Corinthians 7:8-9)

On matters of honoring our parents:

Ephesians 6:1-4 ESV Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. (2) “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), (3) “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.” (4) Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

Colossians 3:20 ESV Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.

Sorry, i don't know why this formatted the way it did.

[Ansariyah]

I dont see the need for u to mention her skin colour? the real issue of concern is that bf gf relationships are forbidden in Islam. Ponder over this, everything that Allah made not permissable is to protect us from harm. Everything he made halal is to benefit is. SubhanaAllah!

[Aisha20]

I have seen lots of cases like that,... and the two only solutions are:

End up that relationship
Or tell her to accept Islam.

That's it..
Dont make ur mum feel angry or sad...

[Italianguy]

I think you should take out the “White Girl” part of your title. (some may take that the wrong way.) There are millions of white Muslim brothers and sisters. And it just doesn’t sound good. No offense.

We should be helping you on this forum and not condemning you for the relationship you’re involved in. Not to say anybody is insulting you, but the focus here is not just the problem at hand, it is you.

I think you should focus on your self first. I imagine that you are still in school and should be focusing on your studies not your future marital status. Second, focus on your faith, before and above all Allah comes first. I assume that you are Muslim so you know that what you are doing is strictly forbidden. Even in Christianity, that is forbidden. If you are strengthened in your faith you will know what God says about this. As you learn more about your faith the more you will understand what is right and what is wrong.

I am going to assume you and she have not engaged in any physical contact. Even meeting with a Woman alone is not ok; you should have male family members around at all times. (at least that’s how my family does it, and I did). You should already have approached her father first, I’m guessing you haven’t? If she is not willing to follow certain rules and or your mother’s requests, she’s not right for you. If you care for this girl so much marry her.

As for your mother, she should not have to find this out from others. Confess to your mother what is going on. Your mother is the most important woman you will ever know. None of us men can ever understand a mother’s love for her child. Your mother is not voicing her opinion to hurt you; she is doing this to help you because she loves you and wants the best for you. Listen to what she has to say. I’m not sure about your faith or strength in it, but it sounds like she might. Take what she says as a learning experience, take it to heart. Always remember you must honor thy mother and father.

You also need to keep in mind your family’s reputation. I know if I did this my family wouldn’t have been so nice about it. My cousin was dating a girl behind closed doors and when his father (my uncle) found out, they threw him out of the house. He wasn’t allowed back for a year until he left that girl. That may be an extreme example, and may not apply in all families. Some cultures are different in there treatment. Just keep in mind your family’s reputation, your own, and the girl.

It sounds like allot of weight on your back, i know. And it is! That’s why you should just break it off quietly or marry her.

Again;

1.) Faith, all praise to God
2.) Family, honor them
3.) Studies, get this done before you engage in a relationship, you need a good job to support your family, YOU are head of household no one else! (plus she may want that Pradda or Gucci hijab, at the store.lol)
4.) Honor your parents

Hope this helps at least a little. Keep praying God always provides.

God bless you!

[Mark87]

:sl:

Good things may come out of this. I'm guessing, that as you've posted here, you know that having a girlfriend is wrong but that u'd like to make it halaal if poss.

best think u can do as the brother advised before is to invite her to Islam. why dont u tel her about Islam or give her some stuff to read/websites...invite her here :D has she expressed any interest in Islam at all...does she ask about ur religion/culture.

I reverted because of a Muslim guy who invted me to Islam. I was never extremely friendly with him but alhamdululillah he initiated my acceptance of Islam. To this day we do not keep in touch but I am always grateful to him for bringing me to Islam.

Also, you need to stop any haramness.....girlfriendy/boyfriendy type activity inshAllah it will be in ur best interests too.

May Allah guide you and reward you for all that you do good inshAllah....ameen

interesting ... :p

[abu salaahudeen]

interesting thread

[CosmicPathos]

I think the purpose of the OP to mention "White girl" was to show how his mom is "cultural" and believes that marriage to a "white" woman, even if shes a Muslim, is "bad". Since the OP mentioned hes "Asian," I am assuming he is a brown South Asian where Muslim people hold such kind of beliefs of not marrying a person from different skin color even if they are Muslims. A brown guy marrying a white girl is not considered normal among South Asians. Mind remind you of Imran Khan-Jamaimah marriage and the outburst in pakistan?

Anyways, STOP this relationship. Its funny how you mentioned that "you are seeing this white girl" assuming that we would flame your mom for having "narrow-minded" cultural beliefs and not you. :p

And ooh, I came across a couple in which Paksitani Muslim woman was married to a white non-Muslim guy. Happens, but only among the 'elites.'

[Italianguy]

I was once told this.

"A man and a woman can never be friends.....temptation always gets in the way"

[CosmicPathos]

I was once told this.

"A man and a woman can never be friends.....temptation always gets in the way"

And who can know that more than someone who is Italian ;D These things were pretty open in renaissance Italia.

[Rafeeq]

Quite strange, Where is Brother Hamza81 with his Long post and Fatwa replying this thread :shade:

I agree with Rashad. Better respect your mother advise. It is better for you.:statisfie

[SweetCherryPie]

3.) Studies, get this done before you engage in a relationship, you need a good job to support your family, YOU are head of household no one else! (plus she may want that Pradda or Gucci hijab, at the store.lol)

That caught my attention .... really? There are?!

[zakirs]

That caught my attention .... really? There are?!

that was a metaphor i guess :P ...


any way , brother all these advices may look harsh to you but understand .. the effort yu put in now will give you rewards later believe me

[SweetCherryPie]

that was a metaphor i guess :P ...


any way , brother all these advices may look harsh to you but understand .. the effort yu put in now will give you rewards later believe me

Owwhh mannn! I was looking forward to buying some when I start wearing hijab!

Yes, wise input from everyone although I do not agree with a few. What I personally think is the OP should concentrate on his studies. Relationship/love can wait.

[Abdi69]

This is why girls and boys should NEVER MIX!!!! XD

Okay your in a relationship with a girl who is not married to you, so it is clearly haraam. You need to end the relationship. Sorry but you should not be doing things in secrete behind your parents back and you need to be honest with them.

Focus on your studies!

you guys are all ----ing idiots. You should do what makes you happy and if you’re with someone who you truly love; you shouldn’t leave them just because it would upset your parents if you stayed with them. It is important to respect your parents; but they should not be allowed to have full control over your life and your future. It just isn’t fair for you to have to live your life in a way that only pleases them and what they believe in.

[CuriousonTruth]

you guys are all ----ing idiots. You should do what makes you happy and if you’re with someone who you truly love; you shouldn’t leave them just because it would upset your parents if you stayed with them. It is important to respect your parents; but they should not be allowed to have full control over your life and your future. It just isn’t fair for you to have to live your life in a way that only pleases them and what they believe in.

Including drugs? What if injecting heroine makes me happy? Garbage liberal logic.

[Studentofdeed]

you guys are all ----ing idiots. You should do what makes you happy and if you’re with someone who you truly love; you shouldn’t leave them just because it would upset your parents if you stayed with them. It is important to respect your parents; but they should not be allowed to have full control over your life and your future. It just isn’t fair for you to have to live your life in a way that only pleases them and what they believe in.

I'm sorry but its not about the parents but what Islam says. You do not belive in islam but Allah says haram relationship are haram for a reason. Its so women and men do not get abused or used. In Islam you can marry whoever you want, but it has to be done through the right channels. These steps are there for protection. Please do your research before you start making assumptions. Know the difference between culture and religion.

[keiv]

you guys are all ----ing idiots. You should do what makes you happy and if you’re with someone who you truly love; you shouldn’t leave them just because it would upset your parents if you stayed with them. It is important to respect your parents; but they should not be allowed to have full control over your life and your future. It just isn’t fair for you to have to live your life in a way that only pleases them and what they believe in.

Right because teenagers find true love after just spending one month with each other. I feel sorry for our future generations...