:sl:
I found this, and I'll look for some more insha'Allah
Question and Answer Details
Name of Questioner
renee - United States
Title
Want to revert but how do I get my Christian boyfriend to revert as well?
Question
R have recently discovered the beauty of Islam. I would like to revert. However, I understand that a Muslim woman can not marry a non-Muslim man. I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years with hopes of marrying him. How can I get him to see the truth in Allah, to support my decision, and hopefully convert too?
Date
20/Apr/2001
Name of Counsellor
Topic
Self development
Answer
First, we welcome your desire to revert to Islam. May Allah guide you and protect you.
Second, we suggest that you take one step at a time. Becoming Muslim will automatically demand several changes in your outlook and your lifestyle. Prioritize the various aspects of your life. Even though you have been with your boyfriend for 2 years, your decision to revert seems to us to be of a higher priority and deserves your full attention. This is a different way of saying that you should consider putting your relationship on hold until you have reverted to Islam. Reverting will be emotionally and psychologically challenging and you need to be prepared for it.
You are not really breaking off the relationship, but putting it on hold. In the meantime, you can have conversations with your boyfriend and bring him up to speed about your discovery of the truth. Remember, this has been a spiritual journey for you and you cannot expect him to be immediately excited to talk about religion and then especially to consider reverting to Islam. Be patient with him. Once you have reverted, then pray to Allah (Swt) to guide your boyfriend and to show him the truth as well.
Third, we want to remind you that reverting to Islam gives you the awesome benefit of having your past sins forgiven. Therefore, maintaining an intimate relationship with your boyfriend after you revert will partially negate the tremendously life transforming effect of having one's past sins forgiven. After you are a Muslim, you will be held accountable for your deeds.
Finally, we admire your concern for your boyfriend's welfare. However, we want to be realistic with you. You might find that after you revert, your boyfriend is not willing to listen or learn about Islam and insists on continuing his current lifestyle. If that becomes the case, then please be reassured that many other women have made similar sacrifices and Allah (swt) in His ultimate mercy has rewarded them with someone who is better for their faith and their future. It would be amazing if your boyfriend reverted with you. However, you will have to prioritize your life again and reflect upon your desire to revert. Allah (swt) guides whom He wills and if you feel you have been guided to the truth, then building an everlasting relationship with God should outweigh the human relationships that we might be called upon to sacrifice. Again, we realize this will be an amazingly difficult emotional experience for you. Please, do your best to seek out Muslim women who can serve as a source of support for you. You will be quite vulnerable and that is why we strongly suggest using the Muslim women as your source of support during these challenging times.
Thank you for writing. And Allah (Swt) knows best.
http://www.islamonline.net/servlet/S...=1120469512209
also from same site:
Session Details
Guest Name Jamilah Kolocotronis, writer , educator and mother of six sons Subject New Muslim? Problems with non-Muslim Family/Friends? Date Monday,Dec 5 ,2005
Time Makkah
From... 10:00...
To... 21:00
GMT
From... 07:00...
To...18:00
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Profession
Answer
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Name nieve1 - United States
Profession
Question
Salam Alaikum.
I have children from first marriage (before I converted to Islam) One lives with me teenage girl and one lives with ex out of state 11 yr old boy. I have twins in current marriage. How does one deal with Christmas with older siblings? In a very tough situation.
Answer
Assalaamu alaikum,
First, you need a lot of patience. Your older children may be confused at the changes in their lives. They need reassurance and stability. I'm sure you know this.
Christmas is, of course, important to them. I think that, in some small way, you have to recognize that. You could give your son and your daughter each a small gift at Christmas time, then give them larger gifts at Eid, at the same time you buy gifts for your twins. You don't need to celebrate Christmas, of course, but recognize that they do, and allow that for them in small ways. Most of all, don't push them to change. If they do eventually decide to accept Islam, it will have to be on their own time, and on their own terms.
I hope this helps.
Name Anonymous -
Profession student
Question
Assalaam alaikum
I made my shahadah in May of 2005 al hamdulillah. I have been married to a man (6+ yrs)who is not religious and we have a daughter who is very young(I also have a stepson who is older and does not live with us). My husband is aware of my conversion and does not wish to stop me from practicing islam. I take my daughter to the masjid with me and to meetings with fellow muslimas. Trying to learn more about Islam, my husband has found information on-line(sunni-path.com I think) that says we are no longer married after idda because of my conversion. I am happy being married and with my family situation and do not want to divorce.
Do you have any comments about this information he found online? What is normal practice in these situations?
Answer
Editor's Note:
Dear Sister,
As-salamu `alaikum
First of all, we would like to congratulate you on your choice to peacefully submit to Allah (by becoming a Muslim). May Allah bless you and help you on this path. Dear sister, we highly suggest that before you take any decision or act on any information previously given to you, you submit this question to our
Ask the Scholar service, as we are not qualified to answer questions of a Shari`ah nature. Also, when resubmitting your question, please make it absolutely clear whether your husband is a non-practicing Muslim or a non-Muslim.
Name louisa - United Kingdom
Profession researcher
Question
Salam
I have a question regarding the Christmas/schooling dilemma. I am a British white Muslim living in a rural area and have a four year-old at the local church of England school. (The only other school is Catholic). Initially, we asked that my daughter be withdrawn from Christmas activities and the nativity play and stay with one of the teachers during these periods. The school were very understanding but there was only one member of staff free during the daily Christmas activities, so after a week we realised that my daughter was being put with a child with behavioural problems.
As our daughter is very proud of being Muslim, we were concerned that this might have a negative effect as she was upset that she was being put with the 'naughty boy'. We decided to withdraw her from school for the whole Christmas period. However, after a few days reflection, we decided that she had been adjusting very well to school life and 4-5 weeks seemed an awfully long time to withdraw her from both her schooling and her friends. (Besides, this option won't be legally possible once she's five). With some misgivings, we have taken her back to school and she is going to be a star in the school play.
She is hearing Christmas stories regularly at school but we are telling her bedtime stories about the birth of Jesus (peace be upon him) (as related in the Quran) and the childhood of Muhammad (peace be upon him). She also took her prayer mat and Quran to the 'show and tell' session at school. We are still withdrawing her from the religious assemblies during the year, but again, I am concerned that, by excluding her, (she is the only child who misses this assembly) we may turn her away from rather than towards Islam. In sha' Allah, we are making the right decisions.
How did you approach these difficulties?
Answer
Assalaamu alaikum,
I think that you are doing the right thing in a difficult situation.
The most important role you can play is to continue to teach your daughter about Islam and encourage her Islamic identity in the home. That is very good that she took her prayer rug and Qur'an for "show and tell".
When she comes home from school, and in the evenings and weekends, you should continue to talk with her about the Christmas lessons she's hearing at school, and then compare them with the teachings of Islam. Open and continuing discussion is very important. Continue to let her know that she can come to you if she's concerned about anything she has heard at school. Continue to teach her about the Islamic teachings on Jesus and the life of Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon them).
And, if possible, take her to the masjid at least once a week so she can interact with the children there.
I think you're doing the right thing. Just continue to teach her and talk with her. As long as she feels secure at home, she will be able to carry that confidence with her, the confidence of being a Muslim, into the school.
Name Tarek -
Profession
Question
What's your main advice for dealing with friends, especially as regards not being able to go to places or attend social events where alcohol is served?
What should a new Muslim do in that case?
Answer
If you are a new Muslim, it is very difficult to change the patterns of your friendships. Old habits must give way.
Make it clear to your friends that you are not able to be with them if alcohol will be served. Then offer some alternatives. You can play soccer or football together, go to plays, even parties if there is no alcohol. Try to educate them. Some of your friends will probably reject this. This is painful, but in that case you will have to choose Islam over your friends. Hopefully, you will have friends who accept your new standards and are willing to work with you.
In the meantime, continue to go to the masjid and try to cultivate new friendships there. You don't have to be close friends with every Muslim you meet, but I think you will find one or two brothers with whom you can "hit it off."
Name Sarah L. - United States
Profession student
Question
Assalamu alaikum.
I reverted to Islam. I have no Muslim friends, and no Muslim family. I feel so far away from Islam. I dont even feel Muslim. I started drinking because of my depression that I have been in. I'm very emotional right now. But, I hate myself. I also lost my virginity. Which makes me want to just die. I hate myself and who I am. If I were someone else, I would have killed me. I want to kill myself. I dont deserve anything at all. I dont even know why I am still writing.
Answer
Assalaamu alaikum, Sarah,
I am very glad that you are still writing. That means that you are still hoping.
Life can be very hard for the new revert. Your old friends, your family members, may not understand who you are. Meanwhile, you have to get the courage to walk into the masjid and try to find someone you can connect with. When many of the sisters are chatting away in their own languages, that in itself can be a difficult experience.
So you made shahadah, and then you made some mistakes. The good news, Sarah, is that Allah is very forgiving. He doesn't care about your past mistakes, as long as you turn to Him.
It's difficult to change, especially when you are so isolated. I can give you a few tips, and I hope they help.
First, stop drinking. If you find you have trouble doing that, then ask for help. Go to AA if necessary. There you will find people who understand how it feels.
Next, take a full shower and dedicate yourself all over again to Allah.
Next, pray. Decide that you are going to pray five times every day. And do it, one prayer at a time. Make yourself get up in the morning. And if you miss a prayer, make it up. Push yourself. The more you pray, the more you will feel like praying. Even if you can't concentrate at first. Just stand up and speak to Allah from your heart. It will get easier.
Next, read the Qur'an. Try to read a few verses every day. Pick a time of day that will work for you. Treat it like a daily appointment. Reward yourself when you're able to follow through.
The other thing you need to do right now is to find other Muslims. If you're not able to go to a local mosque, or don't feel comfortable doing so, then search for Muslims online. You found me. I know you can find other sisters to help you. Talking with other Muslims is very important, especially at those times when you feel vulnerable.
Remember that Allah is the Most Merciful, and He will forgive anything as long as you turn to Him. He cares about you. And so do I.
Thank you so much for writing, Sarah. Remember that Allah is with you.
Editor’s Note:
Dear Sister, we highly recommend that you also submit your question to our
Cyber Counselor service for more professional help.
Please, please keep in touch.
Name Souad -
Profession
Question
Assalaamu alaykum.
I have been Muslim for over 7 years now, alhamdulillah. My family still does not like or accept this. They refuse to call me by my name (I legally changed my name 6 yrs. ago), they still call me by my "old" name and I really dislike it. I have asked politely, pleaded, even begged, still they refuse. It is like they slap me in the face every time they call me by that name. Any suggestions?
Thank you.
Answer
Assalaamu alaikum.
I don't think you're going to like my advice.
My father gave me my American name, Linda. I've thought many times about changing my name legally, but I know it would bother my mother (my father passed away many years ago). So, I write under a Muslim name, but I keep Linda.
Before you were born, or on the day you were born, your parents looked at you and called you the name they had chosen. I'm sure it had a great deal of meaning for them. You have to understand and respect that.
Continue to use Souad for everything else. It's a beautiful name, and that's what the rest of the world can call you. But understand that to your family, you will always be the little girl they named. Allow them that much. And maybe, once you give in on that, they will be more open to other aspects of Islam.
Name Dinesh - Nepal
Profession Recruitment Executive
Question
For the first time in my life I have finished whole book reading in a short span of time with much interest. The book is holy Qu'ran which I will be completing today evening. After going through it I felt that I wasted 30 years of my life with Hinduism. I am reverting to Islam soon and presently I am learning prayers & other important things of Islam. I am married with two children (girl & boy). What are the formalities that I have to do with my family after reverting to Islam since I am Hindu for the past 30 years.
Please advice.
Answer
Assalaamu alaikum, Sr. Dinesh,
Congratulations, both for finishing the Qur'an and for deciding to accept Islam. That is a major step.
You haven't wasted the last 30 years. I used to feel the same way about my pre-Muslim life. But Allah prepares us during that time. The important thing is that now you are ready for Islam.
The most difficult part of your conversion will be your marriage. How does your husband feel about Islam? Is he willing to read the Qur'an? These are things you need to discuss with him as soon as possible.
Then you can talk with your children about Islam. If they are young, they will readily accept whatever you tell them. As long as your husband allows it, start to teach them what you are learning.
You will also have to deal with your parents, brothers and sisters and other relatives. Some of them are sure to object, and they may even threaten to disown you. That's when you have to be strong. Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) was opposed by many members of his extended family. In those times he turned to Allah. After you finish reading the Qur'an, maybe you should read the story of his life.
As much as possible, stay connected with Muslims. If you don't know many Muslims where you live, then form relationships online. Through the help of other Muslims, you can find the support you need.
Your life will not always be easy after this. Continue to remember your own words, how you feel you have "wasted 30 years...with Hinduism." This will make you strong so you can live the rest of your life as a Muslim.
Now you have found Allah. Turn to Him sincerely. Pray to Him from your heart. He knows all things, all languages, and He will help you in all your struggles.
Name colin - United Kingdom
Profession
Question
What can Muslims do to integrate into a society that in someway views them responsible for global terrorism?
I understand that there are many good Americans that don't view "all" Muslims as terrorists. But one can't deny that many Americans who back Bush, see the Muslims as a threat.
Thank you.
Answer
Assalaamu alaikum,
The best thing we can do is what I call "everyday da`wah."
In the news, etc., Muslims are viewed as terrorists. It's very difficult to approach this on the national and international levels. But we can deal with it in our everyday lives.
Let people around you know you are a Muslim--this is an extra challenge for men, who aren't easily identifiable by the clothes they wear. Then act like a Muslim. Be kind. Have good manners. Help people. When they know you are a Muslim, and that you are kind, that will change the minds of those you meet. Whether you're in the marketplace, the post office, the doctor's office, at school, at work. The first thing that attracted me to Islam was the good manners of a Muslim I had met.
Don't worry about convincing everyone. Just do the best you can in your own small world. If we all do that, the word will quickly spread that Muslims are actually very nice people.
Name Amatullah -
Profession
Question
assalam `Aleykum.
Thirteen years ago I immigrated to Canada where I met two wonderful friends who were always there for me. They helped me in my studies & my work.
Now, I am married, and have children. My two friends were always there for me, financially, emotionally, and psychologically. Last June I wrote a letter to invite them to Islam. I got an answer from one of them. I still want to continue introducing Islam to them, but I feel uncomfortable. Do you think that I need to stop telling them about Islam to keep their friendship?
Answer
Assalaamu alaikum,
Ma sha' Allah, you invited them to Islam. Whether or not they accept is up to them.
Continue the friendship, as long as they don't ask you to do anything that is haram. Show Islam in your manners and your daily life. But don't talk about Islam unless they seem to be comfortable doing so.
You have to understand something about westerners. We don't usually talk about religion--Islam, Christianity, anything. Some see it as poor manners to talk about religion. What counts is how you act. Whether you are kind and polite.
Be patient. Continue to be a friend. And make du`a' that Allah will guide them.
Name Anonymous - United States
Profession
Question
Salaams
I was raised Christian and have been a student of Islam and middle eastern history and cultures for several years. I recently converted and am in the process of figuring out how best for me to practice Islam. Because my family is not Muslim and because of all the requirements I read about and that my friends tell me about I am working gradually towards this goal and deciding which fits with my lifestyle and beliefs. For example I do not wear Hijab, and am concentrating mainly on practicing the 5 pillars first. Is this wrong or bad-that I'm not doing everything all at once? I think it would be too much for me to bear right now.
Thanks you for your advice – Jazaki Allahu khairan.
Answer
Assalaamu alaikum,
Congratulations on your conversion!
When I first converted, I felt overwhelmed by everything I would have to learn. A very nice brother told me that it took 23 years for the Qur'an to be revealed, so I shouldn't expect to learn everything at once. I've been a Muslim for more than 23 years now, and I'm still learning.
Yes, you are doing the right thing. First make sure that your prayers are in place, and continue to concentrate on the rest of the five pillars. Make a regular time daily for reading the Qur'an. And continue to learn as much as you can about Islam. It will all come together.
I decided to wear the hijab six months after my shahadah. I think you will have a moment when it feels very right to you.
You're doing the right thing. Keep learning.
Name Khalid -
Profession
Question
As-salamu alaykum
I am convert from Greece. The only family members of mine who know about this are my mother and sister. My mother is a Christian theologist, so it was very difficult to deal with her after my conversion. She would always be angry or crying. Recently I moved to another town and I haven't seen her for 3 months. I think this is a good way for her to get used to it. When we talk in the phone she sounds calm and not angry at all. I will visit her in 3 weeks, so could you give me some advice on how to interact with her and my siter?
Answer
Assalaamu alaikum, Khalid,
Half of my family is Greek, though I have never been to Greece. I know that the Greek Orthodox heritage is very strong.
I'm sure it is especially hard for your mother because she understands the theology. Your conversion has probably created some doubts for her own faith, and this is very uncomfortable.
When you visit, don't talk about Islam unless they ask. Make your prayers as unobtrusively as possible. Be a son and a brother. Treat them well, Bring them gifts. Help them around the house. Be kind. That will show them that Islam hasn't changed you, except for the better.
If your mother asks you about Islam, try to stay as objective and unemotional as possible. Stick to the facts. If she challenges you on a theological question, answer to the best of your knowledge. If you don't know the answer, admit that and tell her you'll look it up.
I find it hardest to make da'wah to my own family, because there is the history of being a family and knowing one another. First, be the best son and brother you can be. And ask Allah to help you say the right words and do the right things to help them understand.
Name Lorri -
Profession educator
Question
As-salamu alaykum Sr. Jamilah!
What a surprise this morning to see you as the guest on 'live dialogue'. Even though we are fellow coworkers, and I can ask this question in person, I thought it good to ask you here so maybe other converts may benefit from your ideas.
My question to you is how do you plan to conduct weddings for your sons involving your non-Muslim family? Tradition has it in America that the celebration is mixed company with music, food and drinking. I don't have any convert friends who have had to plan with this situation in mind so it's uncharted territory for me. In the next short years in sha' Allah my eldest children will be marrying, and I am concerned how to include my non-Muslim relatives. I certainly want them to join us but don't quite know how to invite them with the understanding they will be separated--males and females in separate rooms. Just curious if you had thought about this too and if you have any ideas to share.
Thanks. See you at work in sha' Allah.
Answer
Assalaamu alaikum, Lorri,
I have one son who is married, and he got married overseas, so I haven't confronted this yet either.
I can use their high school graduation though. Three of my boys have graduated from an Islamic high school. My mother attended. She wore a thin scarf over her head and respected Islamic customs.
Tell them that it's a learning experience. They can find out about new cultures, and try new food. It's only for one night.
Hopefully that will work. If they don't feel comfortable, accept that and go on with the Islamic ceremony anyway. Don't carry a grudge if they don't attend. Continue to keep the lines of communication open. Sometimes it takes a while.
See you tomorrow, insha Allah!
Name a sister who needs help -
Profession
Question
I hope you can help me. I have been studying about Islam because I want to convert. My parents and some of my brothers are fine with it (though they do love teasing me a bit). But one of my brothers is giving me a hard time. He tries to get me to drink alcohol (including a time at his wedding when he slipped stuff in my drink) and recently offered to buy me a drink at my Moms birthday. I have tried to explain to him that I can't because of obvious laws requiring to be a certain age and that fact I cant due to religious reasons. I know I can't avoid him all the time, so how can I deal with him when he is around? And what should I do about Christmas (my family is Christian(
Thanks!
Answer
That's great that your parents as so supportive. I know that helps.
You may have to enlist the rest of your family to help with this brother. Do you have an older brother who can set him straight, or is he the oldest?
At any rate, talk with the brothers who are helpful. Tell them that you don't want to drink, and ask them to help control the brother who is making you drink. I imagine they'll cooperate--though you may have to put up with more teasing!
Christmas is hard, especially when you're just coming into Islam. You know you don't believe in it, but you want to remain close to them. I wasn't married yet on the first Christmas after I became Muslim, and I did the whole family thing. I sat through church and exchanged gifts, everything. I didn't like it, but I felt it was necessary in order to keep close ties with my family. And if I had it to do all over again, I think I would do the same. Go ahead and give and receive gifts this year. Then, as you become stronger in Islam, you can figure out what to do in the future. I give my family gifts when I see them--and I send my mother flowers for her birthday. They do give gifts for Christmas and birthdays, and I accept them out of their sincere intention.
Islam strongly promotes close family ties. So do as much as you can to stay close to them, without violating Islam. And tell your parents how much it means to you that they are supportive. They'll love to hear it.
Name Sister Lucy - United States
Profession homemaker
Question
Myself and my son are teaching my friend Scott about Islam as I wish to marry him someday In the future and know he has to be a Muslim first.. do you have any suggestions of where to start?
I also have made du`a' that the most important thing is the seriousness of the Shahadah itself even over my desires of marriage as I truly want whats BEST for Scott and I love him very much, so do my children.
Answer
Assalaamu alaikum, Lucy,
Many converts come to Islam through the Qur'an. Ask Scott to read the Qur'an in English.
You can also direct him to some websites about Islam, such as Islamonline. He can do research on his own.
Finally, you can talk to someone at the masjid and see if a brother could talk with Scott and answer his questions--preferably a brother who has converted.
Please be careful not to put yourself in the situation where you are alone with Scott. By enlisting the help of a brother, you can avoid this.
I hope everything goes well, in sha' Allah.
Name Aisha - United States
Profession Teacher
Question
As salamu alaikum Sister.
Congratulations on publishing so many books. I would like to give my non-Mulsim family members a copy of your novel called Echoes. I think it would help them to understand my life as a Muslim. First, where may I get your book and second can you recommend any other books for non-Muslim family and friends?
Jazakalalh khyar!
Answer
Assalaamu alaikum, Aisha,
You can order my books through my website,
http://jamilahkolocotronis.writerswebpages.com
One book that should be helpful is Daughters of Another Path. It was written by a woman whose own daughter had become Muslim, and she wanted to better understand it.
Br. Yahiya Emerick has written many books about the basics of Islam. You can check on his books.
They might also be interested in For God and Country by James Yee. I just heard him speak a few days ago. He was the chaplain, and convert, who was arrested.
I hope that helps.
Name musa - Nigeria
Profession student
Question
I have some non-Muslim friends with whom I used to sleep and eat in the past, but since a certain religious crisis in my place occured some years back, somethinghappened between me and them that ruined the relationship.
Please tell me what can I do?
Answer
Assalaamu alaikum, Br. Musa,
Yes, it is difficult when changes in the society affect our relationships with non-Muslims.
My best advice is to make yourself available to them. Let them know that you can still talk with them, or eat with them.
You may have to avoid some topics of conversation. If you know that talking about the political situation will bring an argument, then talk about sports instead.
Meanwhile, continue to show them, through your examle, that Muslims are very kind and caring.
Name Amina - United States
Profession
Question
Just wanted to say thanks to Allah for showing me the light and the straight, I have been a muslim for six monthes now and i have never been happier in my life! Even though I have lost my family in part due to becoming a Muslim part due to wanting a new life.. a life without all of the sin and evil of this world. Thanks to all of my brothers and sisters and in shaa Allah I can always stay true to my deen.
Answer
Assalaamu alaikum, Amina,
Thanks for writing in.
Congratulations on your converison. May Allah continue to help you in all things.
Name Carol - United States
Profession Librarian
Question
Salaam alaikum, sister.
I reverted to Islam in the Spring, and I am still making many adjustments in my life. I live in a very small community with no other Muslims around me. All of my Muslim friends are about two hours away from me, so if I want to go somewhere, I go with my non-Muslim friends here. Luckily, most of them do not drink and have a respectful life, but I belong to a book discussion group that meets once a month, and I am growing more and more uncomfortable going to meetings because they insist to have drinks at the meeting, and some reach the point of drunkeness. I love discussing books so much, but I don't like being around alcohol and people drinking. Do you think it is better for me to not attend these meetings anymore? I have very little chance to socialize here, but maybe it is better to stay home than be in that atmosphere. Would you please offer me your opinion? Wassalaam.
Answer
Assalaamu alaikum, Carol,
Congratulations on your conversion.
Yes, unfortunately, it would be better if you stayed away from the situation because of the drinking.
You said that it's a small community. Are there any other book discussion groups? What other ways could you meet people? Maybe you could volunteer somewhere. You can attend plays. Also, try to make regular trips to see your Muslim friends--at least once a month.
Another option is the internet. It doesn't offer the same closeness as a regular gathering, but I'm sure you can find a sister's group in which you can feel comfortable.
Name Annette -
Profession Student, Gallery Assistant
Question
I'm not yet converted, in sha' Allah it will be
soon. I'm married to a Muslim and we're very happy.
My questions are:
1. My husband loves my eyebrows plugged, but I've read that doesn't go with wearing the hijab. Is that correct? Is there a way to work both?
2. What about nailpolish? Nothing red, just skin coulor to strengthen them?
3. I'm working at a modern art gallery and I've got to present art to customers, am I allowed to shake hands and go to dinner with them?
4. Is it okay to wear suits as long as they aren't to tight and show skin?
Maybe that sounds stupid. But I can't ask my husband, because he's not knowing enough about that.
Answer
Assalaamu alaikum, Annette,
I do have one piece of advice. You need to make contact with Muslim women, either locally or on the internet. You will find a great deal of support, and answers for all those things your husband doesn't know about because he's not a woman! :)
Editor's note:
Dear Sister, we highly recommend that you submit your questions to our
Ask the Scholar service for more professional help.
Name Aishah - Egypt
Profession Writer
Question I am the only Muslim in my family. Most all of my family is accepting of that fact, with the exception of my brother. He has excommunicated me from his life and that of my nephew. Then just yesterday, after we had not spoken to one another for nearly four years, to make matters worse, a reaffirmation that I am being profiled came in the form of a phone call to my brother's home. Now, my brother has moved to another state completely since we last spoke. His number is unlisted. I have not applied for work in the U.S. (I lived in KSA last year and now live in Egypt with my husband), and yet my brother has just received an inquiry, on his non-published phone number, with regard to myself on the premise that the caller was inquiring with regard to a job reference. I have not applied anywhere in the U.S. for work in over two years!!! This is a clear indication to me, in addition to the fact that I have become aware from recent experiences at the airport, that I am now on the "watch list" - so, at a point when I was hoping above all hope that somehow my relationship with the brother that was once so dear to me would be repaired...well...now i fear it will never be repaired as this phone call will assuredly leave him even more wary than ever to have his own life disrupted just because his sister is Muslim. How would you suggest reverts deal with situations like this; when they truly love their family members so much?
Answer Assalaamu Sr. Aishah,
You do have a difficult situation.
You said that your brother already had not talked iwth you for four years. Now this phone call came, and he is even more adamant in his estrangement from you because of your decision to choose Islam.
I can suggest only two things. First, continue to make du'a that Allah opens his heart. Second, try to stay in contact with him, even if he doesn't respond. Send him an occasional card or letter. Maybe something on his birthday. You haveto let him know, if you can, that you are still his sister.
May Allah help you.
and more
Name of Questioner
leyla - Australia
Title
Christian husband not granting me a divorce, i recently reverted to Islam
Question
I am Australian revert to Islam. My family gives me little or no support. They feel I should retain the beliefs of the family. Earlier in the year I went to Jordan and fell in love with my then pen friend. The family accepted me with open arms and for the first time in my life I felt at home. They keep asking me when I will be returning to Jordan. My Christian husband refuses to grant my wish of a divorce. He gets very up set when I prepare myself to pray. He is frustrated more so now during the holy month of Ramadan.
Most of my christian friends feel I have lost my mind. But I felt my heart open when I converted and during this time of Ramadan I feel at peace to a degree. The reason I have not returned to Jordan is that I do not have the funds other wise I would be on the first available plane without hesitation. I do not wish to be a burden to my adopted Jordanian family and hence I have not told them of the situation. I could only return there if I had the funds and could support myself. Right now I feel very lost and alone, as every move I make is watched, as well as every phone call taken at home is listened to by my Christian husband. I am questioned if I am 2 minutes late home from work. It does not matter if there is a traffic jam or an accident. Please help me!
Date
05/Dec/2000
Name of Counsellor
Topic
Marital Obstacles
Answer
Question and Answer Details
Name of Questioner
leyla - Australia
Title
Christian husband not granting me a divorce, i recently reverted to Islam
Question
I am Australian revert to Islam. My family gives me little or no support. They feel I should retain the beliefs of the family. Earlier in the year I went to Jordan and fell in love with my then pen friend. The family accepted me with open arms and for the first time in my life I felt at home. They keep asking me when I will be returning to Jordan. My Christian husband refuses to grant my wish of a divorce. He gets very up set when I prepare myself to pray. He is frustrated more so now during the holy month of Ramadan.
Most of my christian friends feel I have lost my mind. But I felt my heart open when I converted and during this time of Ramadan I feel at peace to a degree. The reason I have not returned to Jordan is that I do not have the funds other wise I would be on the first available plane without hesitation. I do not wish to be a burden to my adopted Jordanian family and hence I have not told them of the situation. I could only return there if I had the funds and could support myself. Right now I feel very lost and alone, as every move I make is watched, as well as every phone call taken at home is listened to by my Christian husband. I am questioned if I am 2 minutes late home from work. It does not matter if there is a traffic jam or an accident. Please help me!
Date
05/Dec/2000
Name of Counsellor
Topic
Marital Obstacles
Answer
We welcome you to the fold of Islam. However, we are concerned that perhaps you are focusing your entire plans on heading to Jordan. Take everything one step at a time. Remember, your reverting to Islam has probably shocked your husband. The whole experience is not something either of you planned for. And Islam must be very new to him as well. If you insist on divorcing him to go off to Jordan, it is more than likely that he and your friends will think of you as having lost your mind. Especially, if you are going to Jordan to be with a family whom you first met via a pen pal program. This sort of scenarios fits too well in the existing stereotypes of people who are acting irrationally or without much of a plan.
Rest assured that your becoming a Muslim is a major blessing for you. However, rather than rushing everything, we suggest you focus on your marriage first. If your husband is totally set against reverting himself, you should be able to pursue some legal course of action to seek a divorce from him. There may be some Legal Aid societies that can offer service pro-bono or at a reduced rate. Your option is to seek a contested divorce. These are just suggestions but you should review them with legal professionals.
While you are securing the divorce, you should also seek help from a local Imam as to whether you can legally stay with your current husband in the meantime, even if you are not engaging in sexual relations with him. It would be preferable for you to move out and not be under his constant attention.
Again, you have mentioned that you have limited resources. So, we suggest before you make any firm decisions, to seek out the help of the Imam, the legal professionals, and if needed even counselors to help you cope with the various changes that you are experiencing.
Keep in touch. And Allah (swt) knows best.
and a whole ton more here insha'Allah:
http://search.islamonline.net/search...ng%20to%20help
hope they are of help insha'Allah
:w: