format_quote Originally Posted by
AnonymousGender
My husband and my father had a disagreement. It's rather complicated so I'll cut tothe chase. to the heart of the issue.
My husband HATES my father, with a passion. He gets so angry any time my father is even remotely mentioned. He gets so upset that he yells and curses at me, calling me names, saying I'm evil, that my whole family is evil, trash. He insists on refering to my father as Garbage, and if show in anyway that that upsets me, he gets even more angry.
He doesn't want me to ever see him again, and if we have kids, they will not be allowed to see him, which means they will never see the rest of my family either. He also said I can't talk to him again either (when my father called me, it got him all upset) So now I don't know what to do.
I understand that what my father said upset my husband. But I don't understand this continous burning hatred of him. They are both stubborn and proud, and I never imaginged that they would be great friends, but i didn't expect this.
While we were visiting my parents house, my husband showed little respect or regard for my family or thier house. He would throw trash on the floor, (he grew up with a maid, but... still) leaving half eaten meals everywhere. Make snide comments about my father and brother. Ignore them when they tried to talk to him. etc.
My husband also has a problem with smoking Marijiuanna, (and so does my father) so my husband would often go into my father's room and snatch some everyday....
then one night, some money was missing from my father's dresser. My father approached me, asking about my husband. Till this day, I'm still not sure what happened there, but my father then accused my husband. I can see his reasoning behind it, but I can also see my husbands side of it. He was incredibly insulted and called my father (and whole family) alot of names. And left, with me. I was in shock at first, I didn't know what to do. I was caught in the middle, so when he first said "We're leaving" I just stared at him blankly, trying to make my brain work. Then we left, but on the drive, my husband cussed me out for "hesitating" saying that I was choosing my father over him. I tried explaining why i paused but he is still angry about it.
I don't know what to do anymore. It's only getting worse. My father is ready to let it go, he was even willing to apologize (big thing for my dad) but my husband refuses to ever be in the same building as my father, and won't talk to him on the phone.
So what can i do? I know that as his wife, if my husband doesn't want me seeing someone he doesn't like, I must respect and follow that. but does it count if it is my father? In islam, parents are very important, but so is my husband. I don't want to have to cut out my entire family, but if my husband orders me to... then what? should I?
My parents never tell me to go against islam, though they themselves are not muslim. They were acctually happy when I converted, because I had finlly found what I needed. My mom especially told me that, that I had found God, and that is the best she could have asked for. She as always been supportive. My dad, if not supportive, was never against it. So, according to things I've looked up, researched, etc. Since my parents havne't tried to turn me from islam, I have a duty to them, to respect and honor them, and when the time comes to look after them...
I really need some help. I don't know what to do.
Asalaamu Alaikum Wr Wb, jazakallah for sharing this with us sister. It is always difficult especially when the most important people in your life don't get on with each other.
In your situation its made worse by the fact that your husband smokes marijuana. My sister this is the root to many problems. Unfortunatley I myself personally know many people who smoke Marijuana and many of them are married and it really changes a person in a very bad way.
So many people downplay the effects of Marijuana but it can ruin a persons life which also effects the lives of people in that persons life.
It makes a person lazy, selfish, no determination to do anything and clouds their thinking processes and makes them moody and flip easily.
It does'nt do much good for family relations either as many of those i know of who smoke Marijuana have very bad relations with family and this is because they just lose their minds so easily and their thinking gets distorted. The fact your husband smokes this stuff is what has made him react so badly to your father.
You correctly stated that your parents are worthy of your honour and respect and your husband cannot just make you disconnect relations with your parents for no reason.
You must be firm towards him in that he should resolve the dispute with your father because they are your family and you will not stand for it that he is not getting on with your father. You should also make him realise that it is forbidden in Islam to cut the ties of kinship and that ties of kinship MUST be maintained!
You should also make him realise that this is hurting you and that he should resolve things with your father at least for your sake. If not then you must try and get a respectable and elder member of family to mediate such matters. If not then get a reliable and learned scholar involved immediatley.
What you should realise is that aswell as the psychological as well as physical effects of smoking Marijuana it is totally haram and forbidden in Islam!
My sister you must take whatever measures is necessary to ensure your husband gives up this evil as soon as possible otherwise his behaviour will deteriorate.
This is a very serious issue and your husband should have fear of Allah for his actions are destroying him and if he were to die intoxicated then he would surely die without imaan. We will be raised how we died so if he dies intoxicated then he woulkd be raised up intoxicated! Tell him is it worth the risk?
My sister continue to try and get it through to him that his actions are going to lead him to the dying with imaan as well as the grave punishment and Jahannam. But don't nag him too much as this would never work.
Try to make him realise that he should be proud to have a wife like you who is very decent and inclined towards Islam.
You should sit them down everyday even for a few minutes and read them a couple of hadith because even a little reminder everyday may impact on them positivley and eventually Allah may unseal their hearts.
You should remind them about death often and that we can die ANY second so if he were to die in the state of intoxication would he be able to bare etrnity of torture?
He is trapped and stuck in this way of life and is blocking out reality by living everyday in a daze.
You should keep reminding them that he should be making preperations for the hereafter by doing good deeds and pleasing Allah and that what he is doing right now is causing the anger of Allah and what we he do if death came to him now?
You should encourage them to visit the grave at least once a week as death is the destroyer of all pleasures. He needs to be reminded of death so that he can realise that they could die at any second.
My sister dua is the best weapon for a Muslim so make dua for them all the time and cry to Allah and he will listen to your prayers inshallah.
Tell him the next times you make a joint and before you spark it, remember that if death overcomes you whilst you are in that state then you wil die without imaan because when a person intoxicates themself imaan CANNOT stay in the body!
The first 7 part short talks are by Sheikh Ahmed Ali on Intoxication and are BRILLIANT to make those who intoxicate themselves realise the reality of what they are doing and to shock them in to giving up their evil habit.
Make sure you make him listen to all these talks! There are also talks on death, Hell fire and punishment of the grave. Once he listens to these talks reality will hit him and he will give up this evil habit inshallah let us have full hope, faith, reliance and trust in Allah.
Show them these short video clips as they are VERY effective:
[1]Sheikh Ahmed Ali, Bayan on Intoxication [Part 1]
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=af1qHw4_PoM
[2]Sheikh Ahmed Ali, Bayan on Intoxication [Part 2]
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ew_Fdx1X0Qg
[3]Sheikh Ahmed Ali, Bayan on Intoxication [Part 3]
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m7-JHq6aGAo
[4]Sheikh Ahmed Ali, Bayan on Intoxication [Part 4]
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=crg8cJAdguY
[5]Sheikh Ahmed Ali, Bayan on Intoxication [Part 5]
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=siyh7wsSHxY
[6]Sheikh Ahmed Ali, Bayan on Intoxication [Part 6]
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WwFr9cxjNps
[7]Sheikh Ahmed Ali, Bayan on Intoxication [Part 7]
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sgUwmuW3b14
Sheikh Ahmad Ali - Hellfire Talk Part 1/3
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DWTehIeCOUU
Sheikh Ahmad Ali - Hellfire Talk Part 2/3
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yXTtk7rWx_U
Sheikh Ahmad Ali - Hellfire Talk Part 3/3
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wmiD86w9fBc
Angel of Death!!! - Sheikh Ahmed Ali
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tUzRJXlB2uA
HARD HITTING Lecture on HELLFIRE & the Day of JUDGEMENT! يوم القيامة والجحيم
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0O6L_fBk7VM
Imam Anwar al-Awlaki - Death (The Destroyer of Pleasures) [part 1/4]
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ieX7ZQtHl0s
Imam Anwar al-Awlaki - Death (The Destroyer of Pleasures) [part 2/4]
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KK_2sVGMW08
Imam Anwar al-Awlaki - Death (The Destroyer of Pleasures) [part 3/4]
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bpmzA2hk1Bo
Imam Anwar al-Awlaki - Death (The Destroyer of Pleasures) [part 4/4]
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=km39GfL62TQ
Imam Anwar al-Awlaki - The Journey of the Soul
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wAwHEXE3-n0
Islam - Punishment of the Grave by Shaykh Riyadh ul Haq
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UWb-hYIm2WE
Death and the Grave by Murtaza Khan
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7r2nzJVecqo