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Maysan
01-03-2010, 08:26 AM
Assalam Alaikum wa rahamatullah wa barakatuh,

I was a happily married woman for the many years, but my marriage has been nullified.

I was brought up in a Muslim nation-(then)North Yemen but now live in the West, I and my husband, indeed all our family, are practicing Muslims.

My mother passed away right after I was born,common in Yemen then, so I was suckled by a wetnurse for some time.

My family migrated from Yemen many decades back, my father arranged my marriage with my husband when I was 19, he was 23. We fell in love after marriage & have 5 children-3 daughters & 2 sons.

Recently we went to Yemen, my husband met his entire family & his wetnurse(my husband's family is very wealthy, & wealthy North Yemeni families then kept wetnurses).

She was chatting with us, when I told her my father's name & my birthplace, she realised that she's also my wetnurse.

Now according to Prophet Muhammad's(pbuh) words, we should be divorced.

Sahih Bukhari Volume 3, Book 48, Number 828:
Narrated 'Uqba bin Al-Harith:

I married a woman and later on a woman came and said, "I suckled you both." So, I went to the Prophet (to ask him about it). He said, "How can you (keep her as a wife) when it has been said (that you were foster brother and sister)? Leave (divorce) her.

I love my husband very much & I didn't want to divorce him, neither did he, our children too would be shattered if we divorced, also my son is marrying a very nice British girl who reverted to Islam after seeing how beautiful Islamic families & the Prophet's sunnah are(her parents are divorced), I didn't want to face a divorce for all these reasons.

I feel that this doesn't matter, then I find it blasphemous, as Prophet Muhammad(pbuh) clearly mandated a divorce.

I have spoken to one British Sheikh & another Sheikh online, both say that we are divorced. :cry:

They said that, the marriage would be nullified if we were suckled more than 5 full times each, & we've been suckled many more times than that, I for two years & my husband for nearly three years.

Jazakillah khair.
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Ummu Sufyaan
01-03-2010, 10:41 AM
wa alaykum us-Salaam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatu

im deeply sorry to hear this sis imsad i cant imagine your pain
hmmm, have you made sure that you were both suckled by the same lady and there isnt any mistake?

other than that, know that there is wisdom in everything even pain and hardship. i sincerely hope your burdens are eased and may Allah reward you abundantly for your sabr and taqwa. what Allah has decreed of the sharee3ah, must be fulfilled :)

http://www.islamicboard.com/advice-s...alamities.html
Reply

Maysan
01-03-2010, 10:49 AM
wa alaykum us-Salaam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatu

im deeply sorry to hear this sis i cant imagine your pain
hmmm, have you made sure that you were both suckled by the same lady and there isnt any mistake?
Of course we have made sure, how could we fail to do this over such an important matter?

I took the lady to meet my aunt(my uncle's wife) & her oldest daughter, my cousin who's married now & is 14 years older to me, both remembered her, she also remembered details of the inside of our house as it was then, some incidents-it was all correct. A woman who used to work for us then & is still living with my aunt & her sons also remembered her.


Even in my husband's family, his aunts remembered this lady, so did his grandmother who's still alive, & many maid servants.

I really wish there was a mistake, but there isn't. I and my husband are really heartbroken, we still deeply love each other & can't bear to think of our lives ahead without each other. :cry:
Reply

Ummu Sufyaan
01-03-2010, 10:56 AM
^ uktee, i know this cant be any easy matter, but sometimes in life we will face the worst pain but its all a test and it all boils down to Allah being pleased with us. so we have to make sure that it is indeed that Allah is pleased with us, no matter what our hardship is, becuase after all, it is he who gave us our very souls that taste the pain of our trials.
doesn't Allah promise us that if we give something up for his sake, He will replace us with better?

all the best and may allah strength you :)
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Maysan
01-03-2010, 11:20 AM
Thank you sister Umm ul-Shaheed, support from Muslims, especially Muslim sisters means a lot to me.

Unfortunately, some Muslim sisters I know in real life have been pretty unsupportive. One of my closest friends, a practicing Muslimah told me to simply forget everything & stay married, she says that what matters is the mutual love between myself & my husband, & our children-all of which is important. But I kno0w, & my husband knows, that Prophet Muhammad(pbuh)'s words & commands, along with Allah(swt)'s words are the most important, for this life & the Afterlife.

Also, I am a primary school teacher, & the other teachers are mostly Western Christians, who I know will laugh if I tell them why I divorced, they'll claim that we had marriage problems & this is an excuse, or maybe even make unpleasant comments about Islam, I know quite a few harbour anti Islam & anti immigrant sentiments.

My children, of course are devastated, although I brought them up to believe in Islam unquestioningly, & follow all of Prophet Muhammad(pbuh)'s commands, two of my daughters & one of my son is asking us to still stay married. imsad
Reply

sevgi
01-03-2010, 11:30 AM
Subhanallah sister...

You know, I'm living a very very very traumatic experience myself...and I came on here to cry to my fellow muslims to say something to take the pain away...

But ya Allah..the first thing I read is this and I realise that your situation is worse than mine.

But you and I have something in common...

Only the giver of our pain can take it away.

I can never ever know what you are going through and this is something I pray to keep away from my worst enemy.

Im not going to give you advice...I cant...Im not as strong as you. Im on the verge of killing myself and if I were in your shoes...I probably would already have done so.

Just please please hang in there. Your children need you.

Also, is this the case in all madhabs, not just hanafi?
Reply

★мαячαн★
01-03-2010, 11:32 AM
May allah help you with this pain you feel, and help you do the right thing and reward you both abunduntly :)

alhumaa ameen
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Maysan
01-03-2010, 11:47 AM
Subhanallah sister...

You know, I'm living a very very very traumatic experience myself...and I came on here to cry to my fellow muslims to say something to take the pain away...

But ya Allah..the first thing I read is this and I realise that your situation is worse than mine.

But you and I have something in common...

Only the giver of our pain can take it away.

I can never ever know what you are going through and this is something I pray to keep away from my worst enemy.

Im not going to give you advice...I cant...Im not as strong as you. Im on the verge of killing myself and if I were in your shoes...I probably would already have done so.

Just please please hang in there. Your children need you.

Also, is this the case in all madhabs, not just hanafi?
Thank you so much for your understanding & support sister, it means a lot to me.

I do not know what your situation is, but I pray to Allah(swt) to lessen your pain & make your life better soon. Please do not even think of killing yourself, that is one of the worst sins according to Allah(swt), Allah(swt) gave us life & these trials to face them bravely, so we can all strive for Jannah.

I know my children need me, that is what keeps me brave, its also what keeps my husband brave, even if we can no more be husband & wife, we're now & always parents.

I personally am a Sunni hanafi, I have also taken advice from Hanafi scholars on the issue, I do not know about other madhabs.

I think Prophet Muhammad(pbuh)'s words are clear & unambiguous.

Sahih Bukhari Volume 3, Book 48, Number 828:
Narrated 'Uqba bin Al-Harith:

I married a woman and later on a woman came and said, "I suckled you both." So, I went to the Prophet (to ask him about it). He said, "How can you (keep her as a wife) when it has been said (that you were foster brother and sister)? Leave (divorce) her.

Actually, personally I would be delighted with some other opinion, maybe from a "modernist" scholar, but when I have cross checked with two scholars, also I can see plainly what Prophet Muhammad(pbuh) says on the matter, I feel staying married after this might make me & my husband happy, but we would know that we were plainly disobeying Allah(swt) & the Messenger(pbuh).

We have lived all our lives as good Muslims, & Inshallah we'll continue to do so, however hard it seems. imsad
Reply

sevgi
01-03-2010, 11:55 AM
Subhanallah sister...

I need you to do as much research as you can. This hadith is proof enough of course but your mind, soul, heart and body need to be content. Dont leave any gaps for the shaytan to pick at.

Thank you for your duas regarding my situation...
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Raaina
01-03-2010, 12:05 PM
I read your situation earlier sister. I didn't reply, I was to shocked and sadened for words, really.

I will never ever know what it is like to be in this situation and I pray I never will.

Actually, I am still pretty much stuck for words. My heart goes out to you all :(
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Insaanah
01-03-2010, 12:17 PM
:sl: sister,

My heart goes out to you, your family, and your situation.

May Allah reward you abundantly in this world and the hereafter for your obedience to His command. Ameen

I can't begin to even imagine what it must be like to be in that situation. May Allah help you and keep you strong. Ameen.

I will remember you in my du'aas sister.

:sl:
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sevgi
01-03-2010, 01:24 PM
Hey sis,

I just spoke to my mum. She is sitting beside me right now. She knows quite a bit about a lot of stuff.

She told me that after some research she found out from reliable sources that in order for people to be considered brother and sister through a wetnurse, the children need to have breastfed from the wetnurse at the same time or within a certain time frame of eachother.

Please look into this and in the interim, my mum is going to consult some of her sources.

Please look into all options.
Reply

hussainahmed
01-03-2010, 02:11 PM
dear sister
check the ages of both yourself and your husband, when the wet nurse fed you as the ruling of the nikah being nullified only applies if the child was two years (or two and a half years) when if was given milk. Below is the fatwa. if any one of you were above that age when you were fed the milk, nikah will not be broken.


Fatwa # 9838 from Germany Date: Wednesday, November 12th 2003

Category
Child Upbringing (Tarbiyyah)
Title
1)How long is the term for breastfeeding? 2)Will their be any sin on the mother if she stops breastfeeding before that time prescribed

Question
1)How long is the term for breastfeeding? Is it 2 years or 2 and a half years because in one place in the Quran it says 2 and in another it says 2 and a half. 2)Will their be any sin on the mother if she stops breastfeeding before that time prescribed by Allah (that is if she does not have a proper valid reason and just wants to stop without any illness or anything)? Jazakallah khair!

Answer
1. 2 years. There is difference of opinion however the prefered view is 2 years. (Bahisti Zewar, Ahsanul Fatawa)

2. If the child is eating solids before 2 years and the mother feels that there would be no harm in weaning him before 2 years then she has the full right to do so. (Shaami, Bahisti Zewar)

and Allah Ta'ala Knows Best

Ml. Husain Kadodia
FATWA DEPT.

CHECKED & APPROVED: Ml. Imraan Vawda


may allah make it easy for you
Reply

cat eyes
01-03-2010, 03:59 PM
:sl: sorry to hear of your problems sister but you are doing the right thing sister its not right that both of you should be married and it was a big mistake now we all learn something from this to is to seek knowledge as not for another brother or sister to fall into these traps thats why knowledge is so important i say alot of couples would be married under these circumstances without knowing anything really just carrying on believing that this type of thing is okay. sister there is always a great wisdom behind the words of the prophet (saw) really there is a always a reason for these things why its not allowed sis. trust on Allah swt and Allah surely knows best. if u follow the prophet (saw) Allah will surely lead you to jannah. Allah surely wants to reward you.. never doubt or feel angry why this is happening to you. :wa:
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AlHoda
01-03-2010, 04:04 PM
May Allah make it easy for you sis, I am shocked, this certainly a test. :) Hopefully you will pass.
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Asiyah3
01-03-2010, 04:28 PM
That must have been hard for both of you

Sister, I just wanted to say that you are very brave, masha'lLah

It was narrated that Abu Qataadah (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: The Messenger of Allaah (blessings and peace of Allaah be upon him) said: “You will never give up a thing for the sake of Allaah, may He be glorified and exalted, but Allaah will replace it for you with something that is better for you than it.” Narrated by Ahmad (22565); classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Hijaab al-Mar’ah al-Muslimah, p. 47. Also classed as saheeh by the commentators on Musnad Ahmad ibn Hanbal (23074).

May Allah reward you and bring happiness to both of you
Reply

Snowflake
01-03-2010, 06:52 PM
:cry: This is so sad. I feel hurt for you sis. But if it is a custom in your country to have wet-nurses then there must be so many men and women who have been suckled by the same wet-nurse and gone on to marry unknowingly. Surely there are no records. So it may not be as straight forward as you've been told as neither of you knew. I advise you to seek further advice. Maybe not knowingly prior to marriage has a different outcome, inshaAllah, inshaAllah. *hugz*

Another thing.. There are things like niyyah and willingness to do things which affect an action, and also a person cannot be held responsible for which he does not know. I will ask a shaykh for you inshaAllah.
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Khaldun
01-03-2010, 07:22 PM
:sl:

We were studying this in class just the other day and the scholar kept stressing how important it was that these things are kept a track of, meaning who suckles who etc in order to avoid these sad mistakes.

Also he pointed out that if this ever did happen then one should hasten to correct their mistake. If it is made clear that they indeed are siblings due to suckling and remain married they actually leave the fold of Islaam and become non muslims since they are clearly going against a very clear verse of the Qur'aan, so the issue is very serious indeed.

Put your trust in Allah and Allah will never abandon you sister. He has blessed you with Eemaan and this is only a test from Him, do you love Allah or your husband most?

I am sorry to say that this does not have anything to do with math-habs. If you are sure that this person has been suckled as many times a you say and that you have been suckled by the same lady then the matter is clear. Let not Shaytaan trick you by getting a false fatwa from a fake scholar.

May Allah make it easy for you and your family.
Reply

جوري
01-03-2010, 07:32 PM
:sl: sis

I have nothing scholarly to contribute, but just letting you know that you are in my thoughts and prayers... imsad
Reply

AabiruSabeel
01-03-2010, 07:58 PM
:sl:
format_quote Originally Posted by Maysan
I think Prophet Muhammad(pbuh)'s words are clear & unambiguous.

Sahih Bukhari Volume 3, Book 48, Number 828:
Narrated 'Uqba bin Al-Harith:

I married a woman and later on a woman came and said, "I suckled you both." So, I went to the Prophet (to ask him about it). He said, "How can you (keep her as a wife) when it has been said (that you were foster brother and sister)? Leave (divorce) her.
Allah SubHanahu wa ta'ala says:
It is not fitting for a Believer, man or woman, when a matter has been decided by Allah and His Messenger to have any option about their decision: if any one disobeys Allah and His Messenger, he is indeed on a clearly wrong Path. (Al-Ahzab: 36)
format_quote Originally Posted by _muslim_
It was narrated that Abu Qataadah (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: The Messenger of Allaah (blessings and peace of Allaah be upon him) said: “You will never give up a thing for the sake of Allaah, may He be glorified and exalted, but Allaah will replace it for you with something that is better for you than it.” Narrated by Ahmad (22565); classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Hijaab al-Mar’ah al-Muslimah, p. 47. Also classed as saheeh by the commentators on Musnad Ahmad ibn Hanbal (23074)


246. Umme-Salamah Radiyallahu 'anha, the wife of Rasulullah Sallallahu 'alaihi wasallam, narrates: I heard Rasulullah Sallallahu 'alaihi wasallam saying: Never a slave of Allah, afflicted with a calamity, who says (the following words), except that Allah will grant him for his calamity better than that:

Inna lillahi wa inna ilaihi raji'oon. Allahumma'jurni fi musibati wa akhlif li khairam-minha
Verily unto Allah we belong, and unto Him shall we return. O Allah! Reward me in my calamity, and grant me from it something better than that.
She said: When Abu Salamah Radiyallahu 'anhu died, I supplicated as Rasulullah Sallallahu 'alaihi wasallam had ordered me; so Allah then granted me Rasulullah Sallallahu 'alaihi wasallam (as a husband), better than him. (Muslim)
You have lost a husband and you have now gained a (foster) brother. You don't have to observe hijab with him, unlike any other divorced woman. May Allah grant you a better husband and ease your sufferings.

:w:
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Snowflake
01-04-2010, 01:18 AM
Assalamu alaykum,

Doesn't a wet-nurse's statement have to be verified at least? Witnesses? What is someone is being malicious and there are no witnesses? :confused:

What about the children? Rights of inheritence? Sorry, it's too much to take in. I think I'm in shock. imsad
Reply

islamlover_girl
01-04-2010, 02:33 AM
remember that you are leaving your dear husband for the sake of Allah ,so you will get great thawab in shaa Allah, keep patient dear to get best thawab and forgiveness for sins,may Allah make it easy for you.
Reply

Maysan
01-04-2010, 02:57 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by sevgi
Hey sis,

I just spoke to my mum. She is sitting beside me right now. She knows quite a bit about a lot of stuff.

She told me that after some research she found out from reliable sources that in order for people to be considered brother and sister through a wetnurse, the children need to have breastfed from the wetnurse at the same time or within a certain time frame of eachother.

Please look into this and in the interim, my mum is going to consult some of her sources.

Please look into all options.

Thank you so much for trying to help me, I'm sorry I was not able to post earlier as I was helping my younger daughters with their schoolwork as they have examinations soon.

Please can you ask your mother to present her sources-if there're things Allah(swt) or Prophet Muhammad(pbuh) decreed, I would be very grateful.

My husband is almost four years, well, three years eleven months older to me, & he was breastfed for three years, I was breastfed by this woman for 2 years-right from when I was born, so the gap is eleven months.

We were certainly not breastfed at the same time, but I was fed after 11 months.

Can you present me what authentic hadiths or tafseer says on the issue please? I'd be extremely glad if we're not divorced & thank you again for taking so much trouble for me.
Reply

Maysan
01-04-2010, 03:01 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by hussainahmed
dear sister
check the ages of both yourself and your husband, when the wet nurse fed you as the ruling of the nikah being nullified only applies if the child was two years (or two and a half years) when if was given milk. Below is the fatwa. if any one of you were above that age when you were fed the milk, nikah will not be broken.


Fatwa # 9838 from Germany Date: Wednesday, November 12th 2003

Category
Child Upbringing (Tarbiyyah)
Title
1)How long is the term for breastfeeding? 2)Will their be any sin on the mother if she stops breastfeeding before that time prescribed

Question
1)How long is the term for breastfeeding? Is it 2 years or 2 and a half years because in one place in the Quran it says 2 and in another it says 2 and a half. 2)Will their be any sin on the mother if she stops breastfeeding before that time prescribed by Allah (that is if she does not have a proper valid reason and just wants to stop without any illness or anything)? Jazakallah khair!

Answer
1. 2 years. There is difference of opinion however the prefered view is 2 years. (Bahisti Zewar, Ahsanul Fatawa)

2. If the child is eating solids before 2 years and the mother feels that there would be no harm in weaning him before 2 years then she has the full right to do so. (Shaami, Bahisti Zewar)

and Allah Ta'ala Knows Best

Ml. Husain Kadodia
FATWA DEPT.

CHECKED & APPROVED: Ml. Imraan Vawda


may allah make it easy for you
Thank you so much brother, but I'm afraid we were both breastfed from birth by this woman, my husband for 3 years & myself for 2 years, so this does not apply. imsad

We were under that age, infact we were breastfed from birth, although not simultaneously.
Reply

Maysan
01-04-2010, 03:09 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by Scents of Jannah
:cry: This is so sad. I feel hurt for you sis. But if it is a custom in your country to have wet-nurses then there must be so many men and women who have been suckled by the same wet-nurse and gone on to marry unknowingly. Surely there are no records. So it may not be as straight forward as you've been told as neither of you knew. I advise you to seek further advice. Maybe not knowingly prior to marriage has a different outcome, inshaAllah, inshaAllah. *hugz*

Another thing.. There are things like niyyah and willingness to do things which affect an action, and also a person cannot be held responsible for which he does not know. I will ask a shaykh for you inshaAllah.
Thank you so much sister, it is a custom in Yemen only amongst the elite, & its a fading custom now.

My husband came from a very wealthy family, & amongst such families, keeping wet nurses was a status symbol then, even if the mother was alive & healthy.

In my case, my mother had died in childbirth, common in Yemen then, which is why a wetnurse was appointed for me.

Yemenis did(& still do) have many children, so generally in not very wealthy families, if the mother passes away, there's always an aunt who can be a wetnurse, but in my case, I didn't have any aunts who had kids then, so my father & grandfather appointed a wetnurse.I have elder brothers, who were all breastfed by my mother.

I had hoped that not knowing prior can have different outcomes, but I cannot find any hadith or scholar ruling to that effect.

I will be very grateful indeed if you could ask a shaykh on my behalf.
Reply

Maysan
01-04-2010, 03:14 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by Khaldun
:sl:

We were studying this in class just the other day and the scholar kept stressing how important it was that these things are kept a track of, meaning who suckles who etc in order to avoid these sad mistakes.

Also he pointed out that if this ever did happen then one should hasten to correct their mistake. If it is made clear that they indeed are siblings due to suckling and remain married they actually leave the fold of Islaam and become non muslims since they are clearly going against a very clear verse of the Qur'aan, so the issue is very serious indeed.

Put your trust in Allah and Allah will never abandon you sister. He has blessed you with Eemaan and this is only a test from Him, do you love Allah or your husband most?

I am sorry to say that this does not have anything to do with math-habs. If you are sure that this person has been suckled as many times a you say and that you have been suckled by the same lady then the matter is clear. Let not Shaytaan trick you by getting a false fatwa from a fake scholar.

May Allah make it easy for you and your family.
Thank you so much brother, I love Allah(swt) the most, but I am also a human being, I love my husband & its difficult to break up with someone I love so much. Its difficult for my husband also.
Reply

Maysan
01-04-2010, 03:16 AM
[QUOTE=AabiruSabeel;1269529
You have lost a husband and you have now gained a (foster) brother. You don't have to observe hijab with him, unlike any other divorced woman. May Allah grant you a better husband and ease your sufferings.

:w:[/QUOTE]

Thank you so much brother, but I can't even think & don't want to think of another husband right now-perhaps never.
Reply

CosmicPathos
01-04-2010, 04:20 AM
assalam alaikum,

I am sorry to hear about this tragedy. but whatever happens, it happens. We can believe it is from Allah or we can choose to disbelieve. I pray that you be among those who choose to remain steadfast.

That being said, as much as sorrowful this tragedy is, I felt that we all should be reminded that everyone of us goes throw similar or more severe tragedies in one way or another. We all are living with it, inshAllah so should you and accept it as a Divine decree and happily live with it.
Reply

Hamza Asadullah
01-04-2010, 06:01 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by Maysan
Thank you so much brother, I love Allah(swt) the most, but I am also a human being, I love my husband & its difficult to break up with someone I love so much. Its difficult for my husband also.
Asalaamu Alaikum Wr Wb, Allah only tests those who he wants good for and those he wants the closest to him. Lucky you!

He tests them with great tests to see how they will react. Will they go further away from him or will they remain steadfast and go even closer to him!

As long as you accept that it is the decree of Allah and never say 'why' as many people would in your position.

Remember if you pass this great test with patience accepting the decree of Allah then Allah is with those who are patient and the reward of patience is Paradise so your reward for patience through this great trial can only be Jannah! Inshallah!

Indeed, no one despairs of relief from Allah except the disbelieving people. (Surah Yusuf 12:87)

In summary, here is a list of what you can do to counteract the effects of stress:

1. Increase dhikr (remembrance of Allah): "Those who believe, and whose hearts find satisfaction in the remembrance of Allah: for without doubt in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find satisfaction (Qur'an, 13:28)."

2. Increase prayers: "O you who believe! Seek assistance through patience and prayer; surely, Allah is with the patient (Qur'an, 2:153). "Regardless of the type of meditation, recent studies have verified the physiological effects of meditation. Most of those mediations consist in focusing on something, repeating some words and breathing (Greenberg, p.142, 143).

3. Perform ablutions: The most important component of relaxation is what Hans Loehr calls "the rituals of success." These rituals may be as simple as making ablution; yet, they must be performed properly for it is not enough to pass water on the body parts - those parts must be massed.

4. Ask for forgiveness: Even if a person has not done anything wrong, he must insure the forgiveness of Allah. "Then I said, 'Ask forgiveness of your Lord; surely, He is the most Forgiving'" (Qur'an, 71:10).

5. Recite the Qur'an: The Prophet (SAW) said, "… Qur'an is a remedy for illnesses of the mind" (Bukhari). "The echo of sound has a medical effect and is now widely utilized," says Dr. Greenberg. "The recitation of or listening to the Qur'an has an effect on the body, the heart and the mind! It is said that the letter Alif echoes to the heart and the letter Ya' to the pineal gland in the brain.

Dr Ahmed El Kadi of Akber Clinic (Panama City, FL) conducted and published the effects of listening to Qur'anic recitation on physiological parameters (i.e., the heart, blood pressure, and muscle tension), and reported improvement in all factors, irrespective of whether the listener was a Muslim or a non-Muslim, Arab or non-Arab. Obviously, it can be postulated that those who understand and enjoy the recitation with a belief in it will get maximum benefits," writes Dr Athar.

6. Make the hereafter one's main concern: "Whoever has the hereafter as his main concern, Allah will fill his heart with a feeling of richness and independence; he will be focused and feel content, and this world will come to him in spite of it. Whoever has this world as his main concern, Allah will cause him to feel constant fear of poverty; he will be distracted and unfocused, and he will have nothing of this world except what was already predestined for him," said the Prophet (SAW). One of the greatest causes of stress is money - how to pay the loans, whether one's job will be lost, what will happen to the family if the father dies, etc.

7. Think positively: Muslims should forget about the bad things of the past and think of good things, always having hope that he can be better. Trying to change the past is a foolish and crazy waste of time, "for saying 'if only…'opens the way to Shaytan" said the Prophet (SAW). The Prophet (SAW) also said, " Know that victory (achievement) comes through patience, and that ease comes through hardship."

Muslims understand that there's no reason for panic in the case of crisis - no reason to be distressed or worried for we know that after hardship come ease!

8. Do not waste time on thoughts of fear or stress: "The search of time is one of the most frequent causes of stress" (Seyle, p.102). Laziness is the mother of all evils, and the Prophet (SAW) used to seek refuge in Allah from it. Understanding that this life is short and time precious, Muslims should try to work hard and pursue worthy knowledge (Munajjid).

In conclusion, a surprisingly effective remedy for stress is to "remember death". The Prophet (SAW) said, "Remember frequently the one who will destroy all your pleasures - death! For there is no one who remembers death when in straitened circumstances, but his situation will become easier…"

Here is a short and beneficial clip:

Don't be sad

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=48KOjsZwKso


Here are some very useful articles for you:


Overcoming tests from Allah



http://www.sunniforum.com/forum/show...sts-from-Allah



25 Ways to Deal with Stress and Anxiety VERY GOOD THREAD



http://www.sunniforum.com/forum/showthread.php?t=43179


10 Steps to Increasing our Iman(Faith)



http://www.islamicboard.com/manners-...man-faith.html



Signs of Weak Iman and How to Increase It



http://www.missionislam.com/knowledge/weakimanfix.htm



Forty Very Easy, Quick & Rewarding Good Deeds for all of us to do Everyday!

http://www.islamicboard.com/worship-...-everyday.html



VERY Rewarding Nafl Salaahs we can Pray Everyday!


http://www.islamicboard.com/advice-s...-everyday.html (VERY Rewarding Nafl Salaahs we can Pray Everyday!)


My Daily Ibadah(worship) check


http://www.islamicboard.com/manners-...hip-check.html


A party in Paradise, A party in Hellfire



http://www.sunniforum.com/forum/showthread.php?t=39698



The Ultimate Motivation for Muslims



http://www.sunniforum.com/forum/showthread.php?t=49243



The State of the People of Paradise in this World



http://www.sunniforum.com/forum/showthread.php?t=49125


Major Signs before the Day of Judgement


http://www.inter-islam.org/faith/Majorsigns.html


Signs before the Day of Judgement


http://etori.tripod.com/dajjalsystem/judgement.html



The Life of this World and the Hereafter


http://www.sunniforum.com/forum/showthread.php?t=51739


Beautiful Description of Paradise in Islam


http://www.sunniforum.com/forum/showthread.php?t=51707


Practising az-Zuhd in the Dunya


http://www.sunniforum.com/forum/showthread.php?t=51738



Everything about Prophet Muhammad (Pbuh)



http://www.mohammad-pbuh.com/

(THE SEALED NECTAR)Memoirs of the Noble Prophet [pbuh]
http://www.witness-pioneer.org/vil/B..._tsn/index.htm
Reply

nightingale
01-04-2010, 06:21 AM
Subhan Allah... I dont know how to console you sister, be patient, Allah has better plans.

May Allah make everything easy for you.
Reply

Ummu Sufyaan
01-04-2010, 08:28 AM
:sl:
format_quote Originally Posted by Maysan
Thank you sister Umm ul-Shaheed, support from Muslims, especially Muslim sisters means a lot to me.

Unfortunately, some Muslim sisters I know in real life have been pretty unsupportive. One of my closest friends, a practicing Muslimah told me to simply forget everything & stay married, she says that what matters is the mutual love between myself & my husband, & our children-all of which is important. But I kno0w, & my husband knows, that Prophet Muhammad(pbuh)'s words & commands, along with Allah(swt)'s words are the most important, for this life & the Afterlife.
so she thinks incest is better for you? dont even listen to such people.

Also, I am a primary school teacher, & the other teachers are mostly Western Christians, who I know will laugh if I tell them why I divorced, they'll claim that we had marriage problems & this is an excuse, or maybe even make unpleasant comments about Islam, I know quite a few harbour anti Islam & anti immigrant sentiments.
people are stupid and unfortunately have nothing better to do except pass news and speak about people...seriously as painful as it is, just ignore it and try not to pay attention. the sins are on them.

My children, of course are devastated, although I brought them up to believe in Islam unquestioningly, & follow all of Prophet Muhammad(pbuh)'s commands, two of my daughters & one of my son is asking us to still stay married. imsad
as a mother, you are a role model for your children as im sure you already know this so when you do separate from your husband you are setting an example for your children as to what to do in a situation where the obedience of allah takes precedence so you could look at it that way...so in other words what you do will be productive then what you dont do... stay strong and keep reminding them of the reward of giving up something for the sake of allah.

also, you need to reassure your children and try your best to help them though this not only emotionally but spiritually as well...tell them that Allah gives and takes and all the rest of it.
Reply

KittenLover
01-04-2010, 08:35 AM
I feel for you, but you found out cos Allah wanted you to find out, if he wanted he could've kept it hidden from the two of you but he never. so maybe this is a test for the two of you.

Indeed we are all tested in this life with hardships, some of us bear tougher hardships than others, but the tougher the test, the greater the reward.

who knows the future and why things happen, for they happen for a purpose, look at the story of Musa when he was with that man and the man did actions that musa thought were unfair but after Musa learnt the wisdom behind them.
Reply

sevgi
01-04-2010, 10:20 AM
Ok, my mum did some research and unfortunately he is your brother. But, she said she has heard sheiks saying that if you married the person without knowing and you now have children, it is ok to remain married.

She isnt sure and said you have to speak to as many sheiks etc and get as many opinions as you can on this.
Reply

CosmicPathos
01-04-2010, 10:34 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by sevgi
Ok, my mum did some research and unfortunately he is your brother. But, she said she has heard sheiks saying that if you married the person without knowing and you now have children, it is ok to remain married.

She isnt sure and said you have to speak to as many sheiks etc and get as many opinions as you can on this.
That sounds fine and all that. But if one believes in what Allah said, how can one remain as a spouse with her brother? Does not sound too good.
Reply

zakirs
01-04-2010, 10:59 AM
:sl:

I am very sorry sister for what you are going through.I am not wise enough to suggest you. You are much wiser and elder than me.But i hope you go through this test.May Allah be with you all through the test
Reply

touba
01-04-2010, 11:08 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by Maysan
Assalam Alaikum wa rahamatullah wa barakatuh,

I was a happily married woman for the many years, but my marriage has been nullified.

I was brought up in a Muslim nation-(then)North Yemen but now live in the West, I and my husband, indeed all our family, are practicing Muslims.

My mother passed away right after I was born,common in Yemen then, so I was suckled by a wetnurse for some time.

My family migrated from Yemen many decades back, my father arranged my marriage with my husband when I was 19, he was 23. We fell in love after marriage & have 5 children-3 daughters & 2 sons.

Recently we went to Yemen, my husband met his entire family & his wetnurse(my husband's family is very wealthy, & wealthy North Yemeni families then kept wetnurses).

She was chatting with us, when I told her my father's name & my birthplace, she realised that she's also my wetnurse.

Now according to Prophet Muhammad's(pbuh) words, we should be divorced.

Sahih Bukhari Volume 3, Book 48, Number 828:
Narrated 'Uqba bin Al-Harith:

I married a woman and later on a woman came and said, "I suckled you both." So, I went to the Prophet (to ask him about it). He said, "How can you (keep her as a wife) when it has been said (that you were foster brother and sister)? Leave (divorce) her.

I love my husband very much & I didn't want to divorce him, neither did he, our children too would be shattered if we divorced, also my son is marrying a very nice British girl who reverted to Islam after seeing how beautiful Islamic families & the Prophet's sunnah are(her parents are divorced), I didn't want to face a divorce for all these reasons.

I feel that this doesn't matter, then I find it blasphemous, as Prophet Muhammad(pbuh) clearly mandated a divorce.

I have spoken to one British Sheikh & another Sheikh online, both say that we are divorced. :cry:

They said that, the marriage would be nullified if we were suckled more than 5 full times each, & we've been suckled many more times than that, I for two years & my husband for nearly three years.

Jazakillah khair.

Sister I really feel how your pain is but please thats not a small thing and you should contact a famous scholar because there is a 5 children there they will break up and they will have complexcity in the future even now to know that their papa and mama are brother and sister and they will really face serious problems especially in the society think good and make sure everything will be safe again ask a famous scholar please , Allah SWT will help you INSHALLAH AMEEN
Reply

Muslim Woman
01-04-2010, 11:29 AM
:sl:

format_quote Originally Posted by Maysan
I do not know about other madhabs.

sis , I am really sorry . But how come , after so many years , family members still recognise a wet nurse ? Also , a professional remembers all the names by whom she was hired ??


PL. make sure that there is no mistake about the matter. Till then , stay away from ur husband .


Lesson to learn from other Muslims to be very careful about this issue.

Anyway , what other madhabs say about this ?
Reply

Banu_Hashim
01-04-2010, 11:41 AM
:sl:

imsad


I cannot express my sadness enough for you. My sister in Islam, I sincerely hope you find the strength to move on and be a strong mother for your children. I will inshaAllah make du'aa for you that Allah (azza wa jal) makes this time easy for you and rewards you for listening to his commands and the commands of his Messenger (sallalAllahu alayhi was sallam) in this life and in the hereafter. Ameen, Thumma Ameen.

As said, please speak to as many scholars as possible and explain your situation in it's entirety. There may be an exceptional circumstances case, Allahu Alim. Speak to an Islamic judge (Qaadhi) preferably.

Once again you are in our du'aas inshaAllah. Keep strong!

Fee Amaanillah.
Reply

Snowflake
01-04-2010, 07:52 PM
Assalamu alaykum sister Mayson,

I forwarded your post to Shaykh Al-Amry and received the following reply:

Wa alaikum assalaam wa rahmatullah wa barakaatuh

If what the lady said is correct and the number of times of breastfeeding were at least five ;then, they can not stay together and their marriage is nullified because her husband is her brother now and she is his sister. And this is a test for them , but , their children are legitimate . And if they carry on living toghether as husband and wife this will be an incest.

Wassalaam alaikum wa rahmatullaah wa barakaatuh
I don't at all doubt the Shaykh's knowledge and I'm sure if there was any concession due to various circumstances he would have knowledge of it.

I pray from the depths of my heart that Allah gives you both the strength and patience to pass this test. Every single human being is tried. This is your and your husband's trial my dear sis :cry: Allah blessed you with many many happy years of marriage, children and love. Now is your test. Just as Ibrahim (as) was tried after being given a son. My dear sis, life is but a few years. Bow your heads in patience to the will of Allah and ask your children to do the same. InshaAllah bearing this pain with patience will unite you both as in the here-after as husband and wife forever. Ameen :cry:
Reply

syilla
01-05-2010, 07:11 AM
subhanallah... may Allah make it easy for you ukhtee. just remember you are always in our dua. just be patient ukhtee..just remember how prophet ibrahim and prophet ismail was tested
Reply

Khaldun
01-07-2010, 08:30 PM
:sl:

May Allah have mercy upon you brother alcurd it is authentically reported both in the Qur'aan and the hadith of the Prophet that if two persons are suckled by the same woman wether it be biological or just a wetnurse then it is haram for them to marry.

The Prophet of Allah clearly told us:

Breast feeding prohibits what lineage prohibits [Reoprted by Ahmad, Bukhaaree and Muslim]

Imaam Qurtubi mentions in his tafseer clearly:

Aboo Nu'aim 'Ubaid bin 'Abdillaah bin Hishaam al-Halbiyy said Imaam Maalik was asked concerning a woman who married a man and they consumated the marriage then a lady came claiming she had breastfeed both of them. The Imaam replied the two are to be seperated and whatever she recieved as a marriage gift she gets to keep

Although Imaam Maalik has also been reported to have said that they are not to be seperated but this is not to do with the fact that the breastfeeding might or might not make this type of marriage haram rather it is to do with the fact that the witness of a single woman in Islaam is not to be accepted.

Imaam Maalik said:

The testimony of a single female is not allowed regardless of what she is testify of

But in this case I believe the sister said that there were other people who witness for the fact that both her husband and herself were suckled by the same lady?

Imaam Maalik said:

Verily the Prophet was asked about the same thing [i.e same incident] and he gave the same verdict, whereupon the companions said o Messenger of Allah verily she is a weak woman! The Prophet of Allah replied will not people say she married her own brother?

But what you should make sure is that this breastfeeding was more then five times and that they happened during the first two years of both of your lives since these are conditions which Imaam Shaafi'ee puts based on the hadiths of the Prophet.
Reply

Nájlá
01-07-2010, 10:13 PM
Asalamu Alaykum,

But what you should make sure is that this breastfeeding was more then five times and that they happened during the first two years of both of your lives since these are conditions which Imaam Shaafi'ee puts based on the hadiths of the Prophet.
check the ages of both yourself and your husband, when the wet nurse fed you as the ruling of the nikah being nullified only applies if the child was two years (or two and a half years) when if was given milk.
Okay so it only Applies if both the bro and the sis were breastfeeding in the first 2 years of both of them. Right?

In the sisters sutiation her husband was breastfeeding for his first 3 years and the sister was breastfeeding for her first 2 years. 11 months after her husband stop breastfeeding. So they weren't breast fed at the same time. She was breast fed 11 months after her husband. So their marriage still counts... Or am i getting this mixed up :?

My husband is almost four years, well, three years eleven months older to me, & he was breastfed for three years, I was breastfed by this woman for 2 years-right from when I was born, so the gap is eleven months.

We were certainly not breastfed at the same time, but I was fed after 11 months.
Reply

Hamza Asadullah
01-08-2010, 03:01 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by Nájlá
Asalamu Alaykum,





Okay so it only Applies if both the bro and the sis were breastfeeding in the first 2 years of both of them. Right?

In the sisters sutiation her husband was breastfeeding for his first 3 years and the sister was breastfeeding for her first 2 years. 11 months after her husband stop breastfeeding. So they weren't breast fed at the same time. She was breast fed 11 months after her husband. So their marriage still counts... Or am i getting this mixed up :?
Asalaamu Alaikum Wr Wb, sister her question had already been answered by scholars. The marriage is nullified.
Reply

Khaldun
01-08-2010, 06:34 AM
:sl:

It does not have to be at the same time, if they are suckled by the same woman five times within the two first years then they are not allowed to marry eachother.
Reply

Nájlá
01-08-2010, 10:20 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by Scents of Jannah
I pray from the depths of my heart that Allah gives you both the strength and patience to pass this test. Every single human being is tried. This is your and your husband's trial my dear sis :cry: Allah blessed you with many many happy years of marriage, children and love. Now is your test. Just as Ibrahim (as) was tried after being given a son. My dear sis, life is but a few years. Bow your heads in patience to the will of Allah and ask your children to do the same. InshaAllah bearing this pain with patience will unite you both as in the here-after as husband and wife forever. Ameen :cry:
Aameen!


In this case Allahumaa Aameen at all the duaa's in this thread. imsad
Reply

Insaanah
01-08-2010, 11:05 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by Scents of Jannah
I pray from the depths of my heart that Allah gives you both the strength and patience to pass this test. Every single human being is tried. This is your and your husband's trial my dear sis :cry: Allah blessed you with many many happy years of marriage, children and love. Now is your test. Just as Ibrahim (as) was tried after being given a son. My dear sis, life is but a few years. Bow your heads in patience to the will of Allah and ask your children to do the same. InshaAllah bearing this pain with patience will unite you both as in the here-after as husband and wife forever. Ameen :cry:
:sl:

You have said it all, and said it beautifully sister.

Ameen.

:sl:
Reply

innocent
01-08-2010, 11:32 AM
I'm so sorry to hear of your situation sister. I will remember you in my prayers inshallah. may Allah give you strength to get through this situation.
Reply

AnonymousPoster
01-08-2010, 01:29 PM
This is not a test - i still cannot believe us humans are put through so much By Allah - this is a terrible thing you are going through sister i just hope time can heal your pain.
Reply

Khaldun
01-09-2010, 12:59 AM
:sl:

Are you a muslim anon? Allah tells us this world is a test and you tell us it isnt? Who shall we believe? You or Allah?
Reply

Snowflake
01-09-2010, 01:40 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by AnonymousGender
This is not a test - i still cannot believe us humans are put through so much By Allah - this is a terrible thing you are going through sister i just hope time can heal your pain.

No one cares more for the Creation than Allah Himself. A believer does not suffer pain equal to the prick of a thorn without being compensated for it. Can we be so fair in our dealings with each other? Never. If He, SWT tests us during our suffering, He does so that He can reward us for it if we are patient; so He can relieve us of some of the burden of sins we are carrying.

Allah gave this sister and brother years and years of happiness. He blessed them with 5 healthy children. They lived in bliss and contentment for many years. We should look at that time and remember he bestowed upon them His Mercy and Blessings of His own will. Then if due to some human error in their past, it turned out that they now have to live with the consequences, then their test is whether they do so in patience or not.


Allah is not unfair. He won't punish the ex-couple for happened. Yet, He will reward them for their suffering and even more so if they are patient in His will.

We all too easily forget the times of happiness when without our asking Allah is showering blessings after blessings upon us. We forget to show Him gratitude and remember His Kindness and Mercy for us. Yet as soon as any undesirable event occurs in our life the same Allah now becomes unfair? SubhanAllah.


"Truly man is, to his Lord ungrateful." (Quran 100:6)

No one cares more for His creation than He Himself. No one knows the rewards that lie ahead for those we see suffering. No one knows the unseen, except Him. No one knows better what is best for us. InshaAllah let's leave making up our own ideas of what is good for whom and what isn't. The truth is no one knows except Allah.

:wa:
Reply

Hamza Asadullah
01-09-2010, 02:29 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by AnonymousGender
This is not a test - i still cannot believe us humans are put through so much By Allah - this is a terrible thing you are going through sister i just hope time can heal your pain.
:sl:

A Sahih hadith reported by At-Tirmidhi narrates on the authority of Abu Hurairah (RA) that the Messenger of Allah (SAWS) said: "When Allah created Paradise, He sent Jibreel to it and said, 'Look at it and the pleasures I have prepared for its inhabitants.' So Jibreel came to Paradise and looked at what Allah had prepared for its inhabitants. He then returned to Allah and said, 'I swear by Your Grandeur that not a single person will hear of it except that he will enter it (i.e he will do anything to enter it).' Then Allah ordered Paradise to be surrounded by adversities, calamities and detestable things and He said to Jibreel, 'Go back and look at it and what I have prepared for its inhabitants.' Jibreel went back to Paradise and found that it had been surrounded by adversities, calamities and detestable things, so he returned to Allah and said, 'I swear by Your Grandeur that I fear that no one will enter it (i.e he will do anything to avoid it).'

Then Allah said to Jibreel, 'Go to Hell and look at it and the punishments that I have prepared for its inhabitants.' Jibreel looked at Hell and found it extremely horrible, so he said to Allah, 'I swear by Your Grandeur that not a single person will hear of it except that he will avoid entering it.' Then Allah ordered Hell to be surrounded by desires and luxuries and said to Jibreel, 'Go back to it.' Jibreel returned to Hell and then said, 'I swear by Your Grandeur that no one will be able to escape from it.'"

A life full of hardships is a positive sign. What are the things that a person detests in life? Fear, hunger, poverty, thirst, lack of security, lack of shelter, imprisonment, bereavement, being estranged from loved ones, loneliness, uncertainty, etc., etc., to name but a few. Yet these are also some of the things that Paradise is surrounded by; these are the things that indicate whether or not a believer is on the path to Paradise.

Then consider, what are the things that a person desires or loves in life? Wealth, children, spacious dwelling, safety, security, plentiful food and drink, expensive clothing, being with loved ones, etc., etc., to name but a few. Yet these are also some of the things that Hell is surrounded by; these are the things that indicate to a believer whether or not he is going towards his eternal destruction.

For this reason, many of the wealthy Sahabah used to weep uncontrollably whilst repeating the verse in Surah Al-Ahqaf (46:20): "And the Day, those who disbelieved are exposed to the Fire, it will be said, 'You exhausted your pleasures during your worldly life and enjoyed them, so this Day you will be awarded the punishment of extreme humiliation because you were arrogant upon the earth without right and because you were defiantly disobedient.'" Umar bin Al-Khattab, Abdur-Rahman bin Awf and others, may Allah be pleased with them all, would frequently mention this verse, when they even experienced pleasures as small as a wholesome meal.

Following your desires leads to the Hell Fire. That is why many of the Pious Predecessors used to say, "If you want to obey Allah, disobey your nafs (soul, desires, etc)." Likewise, it is reported in a poem from Imam Ash-Shafi (Abdullah bin Al-Mubarak is also said to have mentioned it): "The best thing for your nafs (soul) is to disobey it." Therefore, if you want to obey Allah, consult your heart and do the opposite of what your soul orders you to do. If your soul orders you to sleep instead of praying, get up and pray. If your soul orders you to only spend out of your unwanted possessions, then spend out of the things you love most, for Allah says in Surah Ale-Imran (3:92): "Never shall you attain true piety unless you spend from that which you love." If your soul orders you to pray at home, go and pray in the masjid. If your soul orders you to relax at home instead of visiting your sick, fellow Muslim, get up and go visit your sick, fellow Muslim for you will find Allah with him.

Therefore, consider your life and be your own judge. If Allah is pouring upon you luxury upon luxury, wealth upon wealth, comfort upon comfort, then that is a sign that something is wrong and it is something to worry about. Moreover, if this is happening whilst you are disobedient to Allah or neglectful of His Commands, then it is a sign of your imminent destruction. Luxuries and comforts make a person forget Allah and become heedless in their duties.

On the other hand, if you are trying your best to worship Allah and be mindful of His Commands, and yet your life is fraught with adversities, hardships and detestable things, then rejoice for this is a good indication that you are on the path to Paradise. Adversities and hardships make a believer remember Allah more and turn to Him with sincerity. A well-known saying says: "Hardship is as beneficial to the soul as it is unwelcome in life. And comfort is as harmful to the soul as it is welcome in life."

Islamic history is riddled with examples of Muslims who withstood tests that would seem unimaginably difficult today.

The Muslims of the past had an abundance of patience and perseverance which are two important traits of this beautiful tree of Iman.

Two Muslims who were of the most firmly rooted of believers were Sumayyah and Yasir, may God be pleased with them. After being among the first Muslims and agreeing to accept Islam in a very tumultuous period, Sumayyah and Yasir along with their son Ammar were tortured mercilessly at the hands of Abu Jahl. The family was left unprotected since they had no tribal affiliations in Makkah.

Unable to physically help them at the time, the prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him, would visit them and say, "be patient, O family of Yasir, because your promised place is Paradise." He would then turn his face to the sky and say: "O Lord! Forgive the family of Yasir." The prophet also prayed for the alleviation of Ammar's suffering by placing Ammar's head in his lap and saying: "O fire! Be cool and harmless for Ammar in the same manner in which you became cool and harmless for Ibrahim."

Sumayyah and Yasir were both martyred in the cause of Allah, Glory be to Him, after refusing to leave their faith which was dearer to them than life itself. The family was honoured with the best of honours: the prophet's guarantee of their home in paradise. These are the examples we should take as guides to our own lives. Too often do we compromise what we believe in to accommodate the uneducated assumptions of others. Too often do we forget the immense history of Islam and Muslims.

One of the reasons we have the gift of Islam is because we stand on the shoulders of people like Sumayyah and Yasir, may Allah be pleased with them. People who did not waver, did not compromise their Iman to please others or even to save their own lives. Just like in our Islamic history, our strength as a community and as individuals today can only stem from the remembrance of and obedience to Allah, Glory be to Him. These times are difficult and the pain often hits close to home. But by holding fast to our belief in la illaha ill Allah , we will stay firmly rooted, our branches will tower high towards the sky, and our hearts will never lack sustenance, InshaAllah.

Sources: Tafsir Ibn Kathir, Volume 5

Never see tests as a bad thing for the more we are tested the more closer we can get to Allah and the hgher ranks we will gain in Jannah!

The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: "When Allah desires good for someone, He tries him with hardships." [Sahîh al-Bukhârî]

Look at what Hazrat Yaqub (As) and Hazrat Ayyub (As) went through! They lost EVERYTHING yet they kept patient and knew it was Allah testing them and Allah became so happy with them because they remained patient and had hope and trust in Allah.

The path to Jannah is not an easy one. Inevitabley we will be faced with tests. My friend lost his wife when she was just 19 and the first thing he said was, it was the decree of Allah. Obviously he mourned but he accepted it and is waiting for her in Jannah!

So O prisoners in the Path of Allah, do not be sad when you are given miserable food, when you are given ragged clothes, when you are estranged from your family and loved ones and when you see others surpass you in wealth and children. Rather, rejoice and be happy as these are all signs that you are on the path towards Paradise, which is surrounded by so many detestable things that even the Angel Jibreel feared no one would be able to enter it because of these adversities.

The 13th Century scholar Al-Izz bin Abdus-Salam said, "The state of tribulation and affliction drives man closer to Almighty Allah, whereas the state of health and blessing drives him away from Allah, as He says in the Quran, 'And when harm touches man, he invokes Us, lying down on his side, or sitting or standing. But when We have removed his harm from him, he passes on his way as if he has never invoked Us for a harm that touched him!...' (Quran 10:12)"

Hasan Al-Basri said, "Do not detest the misfortunes that befall you, for what you detest may be the cause of your salvation and what you like may be the cause of your ruin."

Ali bin Abi Talib is reported to have said, may Allah be pleased with him, "O son of Adam, do not be happy with richness and do not despair of poverty. Do not feel sad during affliction and do not rejoice over prosperity, for just as gold is tried by fire, the pious are tried by affliction. You will not attain what you want except by giving up what you desire, and you will not attain what you aspire to except by enduring patiently what you hate, and exerting yourself in implementing that which has been made compulsory upon you (by Allah)."

Remember Allah is with those who are patient and the Reward for Patience is Paradise!

‘Ata ibn Rabah related that he heard Ibn ‘Abbas say: “Shall I show you a woman of Paradise?” I said: “Yes, indeed.” He said: “A black woman came to the Prophet, peace be upon him, and said: ‘I suffer from epileptic fits, and because of these, (at times) my body becomes uncovered. Would you invoke Allah, the Exalted One, to cure me of this disease? ‘ The Prophet, peace be upon him, said: ‘If you wish, you can be patient and you will attain Paradise (for this suffering). But if you prefer, I will pray to Allah, the Exalted, to cure you of it?’ The woman said: ‘I will be patient,’ then added: ‘I become uncovered (when I have fits), so invoke Allah for me that I do not become uncovered. ‘ So the Prophet, peace be upon him, prayed for her.” [Source: Fiqh-us-Sunnah, volume 4, #1a]

So tests and calamitys are a blessing in disguise and Allah wanting us to get closer to him so if we bare with in with Patience hoping for reward then Allah is with us and best of all we will get closer to Allah and feel true contentment and happiness in the heart and we will attain Paradise inshallah!

Finally bare this in mind that on the day of Judgement when we will be shown the extent of potential rewards we could have gained from being patient through hardships and trials then we would wish to return to earth and live in it in complete poverty, hardships and trials just so that we could gain the huge rewards and higher rank in Jannah!

:wa:
Reply

Donia
01-09-2010, 02:37 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by Scents of Jannah
No one cares more for the Creation than Allah Himself. A believer does not suffer pain equal to the prick of a thorn without being compensated for it. Can we be so fair in our dealings with each other? Never. If He, SWT tests us during our suffering, He does so that He can reward us for it if we are patient; so He can relieve us of some of the burden of sins we are carrying.

Allah gave this sister and brother years and years of happiness. He blessed them with 5 healthy children. They lived in bliss and contentment for many years. We should look at that time and remember he bestowed upon them His Mercy and Blessings of His own will. Then if due to some human error in their past, it turned out that they now have to live with the consequences, then their test is whether they do so in patience or not.


Allah is not unfair. He won't punish the ex-couple for happened. Yet, He will reward them for their suffering and even more so if they are patient in His will.

We all too easily forget the times of happiness when without our asking Allah is showering blessings after blessings upon us. We forget to show Him gratitude and remember His Kindness and Mercy for us. Yet as soon as any undesirable event occurs in our life the same Allah now becomes unfair? SubhanAllah.


"Truly man is, to his Lord ungrateful." (Quran 100:6)

No one cares more for His creation than He Himself. No one knows the rewards that lie ahead for those we see suffering. No one knows the unseen, except Him. No one knows better what is best for us. InshaAllah let's leave making up our own ideas of what is good for whom and what isn't. The truth is no one knows except Allah.

:wa:

JazakAllah.
Well said, sis.
Reply

Muslim Woman
01-14-2010, 02:38 PM
:wa:

format_quote Originally Posted by Maysan
Assalam Alaikum wa rahamatullah wa barakatuh,

...I have spoken to one British Sheikh & another Sheikh online, both say that we are divorced. :cry:

.
I also got the same reply .

The person need to separate from him and cannot have intercourse because she is his sister. Because of his or her ignorant they got married. Also His children will heritage.

Big Note: They need to verify how many time they been breastfeed. If it was breastfeed 5 time when I mean by 5 time. I meant that a baby have satisfy when he drinks milk. Example: If a baby is sucking first suck and then stop for while for playing and then again suck same session until he doesn't want anymore this consider it one breastfeeding. So if he or she did five time then they are brother and sister in breastfeeding.

** sis, may Allah increase ur patinece and give u best rewards for all the pain and sufferings you are going through now.
Reply

Muslim Woman
01-27-2010, 06:29 AM
:wa:

format_quote Originally Posted by Maysan
Assalam Alaikum wa rahamatullah wa barakatuh,

Now according to Prophet Muhammad's(pbuh) words, we should be divorced.

Sahih Bukhari Volume 3, Book 48, Number 828:
.

How are u sis ? Not only in hadith , in holy Quran also , this marriage is prohibited.

Forbidden to you (for marriage) are: your mothers, your daughters, your sisters, your father's sisters, your mother's sisters, your brother's daughters, your sister's daughters, your foster mother who gave you suck, your foster milk suckling sisters....4:23

related link: http://darulfatwa.org.au/content/view/1139/327/
Reply

Ğħαrєєвαħ
01-28-2010, 02:29 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by AnonymousGender
This is not a test - i still cannot believe us humans are put through so much By Allah - this is a terrible thing you are going through sister i just hope time can heal your pain.
Aslaamu`alaaykum....
If its not a test , what is your answer?
Has Allaah not told us he will test us even some with the hardist?
Are you not aware of what the people at the time Musa (as) were put through? there tests were harder..
You cannot prove its not a Test by the Allmighty, when a test comes from the ALlmighty it doesnt talk to us and say "I am a test"..
Where there is Hardship involved surely its part of test.

Time is created by Allaah, so therefore time will cure her pain as Allaah Knows all..

Dear sister i am not able to feel your pain but i truly understand your pain, and i Ask Allaah to ease the pain and reward you with your patience..and realising what Allaah has made for you..Insha`Allaah if you and your husband are not together in this Dunya.. in the next by the will of Allaah you will surely be together Insha`Allaah
Indeed you will return to your lord one day, facing him and Indeed you will answer him and and all of Mankind..
Here are some verses Insha`Allaah they make you feel better and smile :statisfie *Smiles*
The prophet Abraham(as) was put through a very difficult pain, today noone could bare it, they would commit suicide or do something which is harmful for them..Allah knew he could bare that..as Allah knows everything. remmeber Allaah says he tests us and doesnt burden us more than what we can bare. A believer will be tested in their Life, and remmeber Jannah isnt Cheap! There is a reward at the end as Allah promised.

[2:186]
And when My slaves ask you (O Muhammad SAW) concerning Me, then (answer them), I am indeed near (to them by My Knowledge). I respond to the invocations of the supplicant when he calls on Me (without any mediator or intercessor). So let them obey Me and believe in Me, so that they may be led aright.

[2:285]
The Messenger (Muhammad SAW) believes in what has been sent down to him from his Lord, and (so do) the believers. Each one believes in Allah, His Angels, His Books, and His Messengers. They say, "We make no distinction between one another of His Messengers" - and they say, "We hear, and we obey. (We seek) Your Forgiveness, our Lord, and to You is the return (of all)."

[2:286]
Allah burdens not a person beyond his scope. He gets reward for that (good) which he has earned, and he is punished for that (evil) which he has earned. "Our Lord! Punish us not if we forget or fall into error, our Lord! Lay not on us a burden like that which You did lay on those before us (Jews and Christians); our Lord! Put not on us a burden greater than we have strength to bear. Pardon us and grant us Forgiveness. Have mercy on us. You are our Maula (Patron, Suppor-ter and Protector, etc.) and give us victory over the disbelieving people.
:statisfie
If i have said anything harsh ,bad and wrong forgive me:(
I hope i helped out Insha`ALlaah

Wa`alaaykum Salaam :):embarrass
Reply

sabr*
02-01-2010, 06:31 AM
سم الله الرحمن الرحيم

Bismillā hir Rahmā nir Rahīm
In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful


As-Salāmu `Alaykum (السلام عليكم):

Dear Muslim no one but Allah can comfort someone that despairs over Islam.

Sahih Al-Bukhari Volume 7, Book 62, Number 43:

Narrated Um Habiba:

I said, "O Allah's Apostle! Marry my sister, the daughter of Abu Sufyan." He said, "Do you like that?" I said, "Yes, for even now I am not your only wife; and the most beloved person to share the good with me is my sister." The Prophet said, "But that is not lawful for me (i.e., to be married to two sisters at a time.)" I said, "O Allah's Apostle! By Allah, we have heard that you want to marry Durra, the daughter of Abu Salama." He said, "You mean the daughter of Um Salama?" I said, "Yes." He said, "By Allah ! Even if she were not my stepdaughter, she would not be lawful for me to marry, for she is my foster niece, for Thuwaiba has suckled me and Abu Salama; so you should neither present your daughters, nor your sisters to me."

Sahih Al-Bukhari Volume 7, Book 62, Number 46:

Narrated Abu Huraira:

The Prophet forbade that a woman should be married to a man along with her paternal aunt or with her maternal aunt (at the same time). Az-Zuhri (the sub-narrator) said: There is a similar order for the paternal aunt of the father of one's wife, for 'Ursa told me that 'Aisha said, "What is unlawful because of blood relations, is also unlawful because of the corresponding foster suckling relations."


Sahih Al-Bukhari Volume 7, Book 62, Number 74:

Narrated Abu Huraira:

The Prophet said, "Beware of suspicion (about others), as suspicion is the falsest talk, and do not spy upon each other, and do not listen to the evil talk of the people about others' affairs, and do not have enmity with one another, but be brothers. And none should ask for the hand of a girl who is already engaged to his (Muslim) brother, but one should wait till the first suitor marries her or leaves her."

Surah Hadid 57:22-24

57:22 No misfortune can happen on earth or in your souls but is recorded in a decree before We bring it into existence: That is truly easy for Allah.
(Y. Ali translation)

57:23 In order that ye may not despair over matters that pass you by, nor exult over favours bestowed upon you. For Allah loveth not any vainglorious boaster,- (Y. Ali translation)

57:24 Such persons as are covetous and commend covetousness to men. And if any turn back (from Allah's Way), verily Allah is Free of all Needs, Worthy of all Praise. (Y. Ali translation)

Surah Nisa 4:65

4:65 But no, by the Lord, they can have no (real) Faith, until they make thee judge in all disputes between them, and find in their souls no resistance against Thy decisions, but accept them with the fullest conviction.
(Y. Ali translation)
Reply

sabr*
02-01-2010, 06:35 AM
سم الله الرحمن الرحيم

Bismillā hir Rahmā nir Rahīm
In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful


As-Salāmu `Alaykum (السلام عليكم):

If the best advice, guidance, being consoled is provided and posts are despairing Allah decree why is this thread still open?
Reply

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