Potential want me to stay at home all the time

[AnonymousPoster]

I got a propose from a man who is from different society than me ,that mean different customs and traditions ,different way of life ,I am not sure if I can fit with that or not.
He thinks that the wife must stay at home all the time ,can`t go even to attend Islamic course in the masjid,that`s not the way of life I used to have,my parents allow me to work,attend lessons ,visit my friends..........etc.
He isn`t an outdoor person ,so I can`t even go outdoors with him,he is from another city which make me unable to visit my family time to time.
I think if I got married to him I`ll stay at home all over my life:skeleton:
Do any of you have similar experience to advice me weather I`ll be able to live in this way or not:heated:.
I need to get married ,The last few years I was thinking a lot about marriage:embarrass ,I don`t want to reject a potential as I feel I really need to get married soon,but at the same time I don`t want to marry the wrong man then suffer and regret all over my life or may be get divorce,any advice?.

[Ummu Sufyaan]

:sl:
one thing that is important to look at when considering a souse is your compatibility with one another. dont assume that since they are religious that you will get along without a worry this isnt the case at all. take into consideration how both of you were raised and how this will affect your marriage later on (by the sounds of things it looks like you are having doubts already), becuase these things WILL come up later on. you say he expects you to stay at home all the time? ask yourself can you handle that. what are the pros and cons.

in other words go into your marriage with a realistic and informed overview of the situation, making sure that you also consider what YOU will get by marrying him. we know unfortunatly in a lot of cultures, the wife comes second best and it is her that has to put up with the husbands bad qualities, whilst he is oblivious, lacks consideration and ignores her needs as well. so basically, you have to put up and shut up. so as i said, consider where it'll leave you.

dont ever kid yourself that all those bad qualities you can put up with...it is essential to deal with this stuff now...do NOT be hasty (especially in regards to marriage), take your time and do proper research and pray istikhara :)

i dont know, really and honestly it sounds like a disaster :hmm:

[Hamza Asadullah]

I got a propose from a man who is from different society than me ,that mean different customs and traditions ,different way of life ,I am not sure if I can fit with that or not.
He thinks that the wife must stay at home all the time ,can`t go even to attend Islamic course in the masjid,that`s not the way of life I used to have,my parents allow me to work,attend lessons ,visit my friends..........etc.
He isn`t an outdoor person ,so I can`t even go outdoors with him,he is from another city which make me unable to visit my family time to time.
I think if I got married to him I`ll stay at home all over my life:skeleton:
Do any of you have similar experience to advice me weather I`ll be able to live in this way or not:heated:.
I need to get married ,The last few years I was thinking a lot about marriage:embarrass ,I don`t want to reject a potential as I feel I really need to get married soon,but at the same time I don`t want to marry the wrong man then suffer and regret all over my life or may be get divorce,any advice?.

Asalaamu Alaikum Wr Wb, is he practising, pious and have a good character? Those are the qualities that matter most. I would sincerely advise you to do isthikhara until you recieve a sign. Have hope in Allah and whatever is best will happen inshallah.

Shaykh Saleh Al-Munajjid answered in response to a Muslim sister seeking advice about a husband:

We appreciate your eagerness to find out the attributes which will help you to choose a righteous husband, in shaa Allaah. There follows a description of the most important qualities which should be present in the man whom you choose or accept to be your husband and the father of your children, if Allaah decrees that you will have children.

Religious Commitment

This is the most important thing to look for in the man you want to marry. The husband should be a Muslim who adheres to all the laws and teachings of Islam in his daily life. The woman's guardian (wali) should strive to check out this matter and not rely only on outward appearances. One of the most important things to ask about is the man's prayer (salaah); the one who neglects the rights of Allaah is more likely to neglect the rights of others. The true believer does not oppress or mistreat his wife; if he loves her, he honours her, and if he does not love her, he does not mistreat or humiliate her. It is very rare to find this attitude among those who are not sincere Muslims. Allaah says:

'And verily, a believing slave is better than a (free) Mushrik (idolater), even though he pleases you' [al-Baqarah 2:221]

'Verily, the most honourable of you with Allaah is that (believer) who has At-Taqwaa [i.e. he is one of the Muttaqoon (the pious)]' [al-Hujuraat 49:13] 'Good statements are for good people (or good women for good men) and good people for good statements (or good men for good women)' [al-Noor 24:26]

The Prophet (sallallaaahu 'alaihi wa sallam) said:

'If there comes to you one whose religious commitment and attitude pleases you, then marry [your female relative who is under your care] to him, for if you do not do that, there will be tribulation on earth and much corruption.� (Narrated by al-Tirmidhi).

As well as being religiously committed, it is preferable that he should come from a good family and a known lineage. If two men come to propose marriage to one woman, and they are equal in terms of religious commitment, then preference should be given to the one who comes from a good family that is known for its adherence to the commands of Allaah, so long as the other person is not better than him in terms of religious commitment ' because the righteousness of the husband's close relatives could be passed on to his children and his good origins and lineage may make him refrain from many foolish and cheap actions. The righteousness of the father and grandfather are beneficial to the children and grandchildren. Allaah says:

"And as for the wall, it belonged to two orphan boys in the town; and there was under it a treasure belonging to them; and their father was a righteous man, and your Lord intended that they should attain their age of full strength and take out their treasure as a mercy from your Lord" [al-Kahf 18:82].

See how Allaah protected their father's wealth for the two boys after the father died, as an honour to him because of his righteousness and taqwaa. By the same token, if the husband comes from a righteous family and his parents are good, Allaah will make things easy for him and protect him as an honour to his parents.

It is good if he has sufficient wealth to keep him and his family from having to ask people for anything, because the Prophet (salawaatullaahi wa salaamuhu 'alaih) said to Faatimah bint Qays (may Allaah be pleased with her), when she came to consult him about three men who had proposed marriage to her, 'As for Mu'aawiyah, he is a poor man who has no wealth" (Narrated by Muslim, 1480).

It is not essential that he should be a businessman or rich, it is sufficient for him to have an income that will keep him and his family from having to ask people for anything. If there is a choice between a man who is religiously committed and a man who is wealthy, then the religious man should be given preference over the wealthy man.

It is preferable that he should be kind and gentle towards women, because the Prophet (sallallaahu 'alaihi wa sallam) said to Faatimah bint Qays, in the hadeeth quoted above, "As for Abu Jaham, his stick never leaves his shoulder", referring to the fact that he used to beat women a lot.

It is good if he is sound of body and healthy, free of faults, sickness, etc., and not disabled or sterile.

It is preferable that he should have knowledge of the Qur'aan and Sunnah ; if you find someone like this it is good, otherwise you should realize that this is something rare.

It is permissible for the woman to look at the man who comes to propose marriage, and for him to look at her. This should be in the presence of her mahram, and it is not permitted to look more than is necessary, or for him to see her alone, or for her to go out with him on her own, or to meet repeatedly for no reason.

According to Islam, the woman's wali (guardian) should check on the man who proposes marriage to the woman who is under his guardianship; he should ask those whom he trusts among those who mix with him and who know him, about his commitment to Islam and his trustworthiness. He should ask them for an honest opinion and sincere, sound advice.

Before and during all of this, you must turn towards Allaah and pray to Him to make it easy for you and help you to make a good choice and to grant you wisdom. Then after all these efforts, when you have decided on a particular person, you should pray Istikhaarah, asking Allaah for that which is good. Then after you have done your utmost, put your trust in Allaah, for He is the best of helpers, may He be glorified.

IslamQA

[cat eyes]

:sl: thats a really backward mentality... who knows what other beliefs he has.
I would seriously recommend you do istikharah. don't ruin your life by marrying into some type oppressed relationship where u can't even go to your local mosque thats very bad. shaytan would love that

Hey there! Looks like you're enjoying the discussion, but you're not signed up for an account.

When you create an account, you can participate in the discussions and share your thoughts. You also get notifications, here and via email, whenever new posts are made. And you can like posts and make new friends.
Sign Up

[Snowflake]

:sl:

I don`t want to reject a potential as I feel I really need to get married

Don't see as rejecting a potential spouse, see it as rejecting a way of life you can't see yourself living.

I'm a true homebird. It takes a lot to drag me out. But despite that I'd stay away from someone who...

can`t go even to attend Islamic course in the masjid

^Has that kind of view..

Staying at home because Allah preferred women stay at home is one thing. Staying at home like a prisoner is totally another.


A wife of an imaan who lived a few doors away from my friend had a nervous breakdown because she was expected to live the kind of life your potential wants to you. It's not natural. Don't do it.

:wa:

[IbnAbdulHakim]

people change after marriage and learn to compromise :)

[Lonely Gal]

if u feel uncomfortable with that now, i think you'l struggle alot once ur marriage.
its easier when you go from alot of boundaries to limited boundaries but to have the opposite can affect it a great deal.
Personal experience - before i got married my parents would allow me to go with friends and never called me to say ive been out too long etc, and was very independant.. when i was engaged my fiance said everythin was cool, would never stop me from anything.. when he became my husband, he started to check everything, call me when i was longer than a certain time period.. and a time limit to stay out.. not even choose me own car!
sorry i seem to have waffled about my own issues.. but what im tryin to say is i found it difficult to cope with.. now u really need to ask urself.. ur lucky u no what he's like beforehand and can decide before..
maybe ur potential has reasons for being like this.. decision is urs..but think abt it as it can cause major probs

[aadil77]

Is he pakistani and is he knowledgable enough about islam?

[Lonely Gal]

dont jus go for it cos uve been thinkin abt marriage for a long time.. take the time u need to decide...
inshAllah the right decision will be made
x

[Ibn Abi Ahmed]

:sl:

Don't set yourself up for disaster. If you feel you're not compatible with a person, move on. You don't want to marry someone because you really just want to get married and then realize 6 months later that you can't deal with them or their conditions. Believe me, you need to be compatible with the other person or the marriage will go no where because there's a lot more to marriage than just the first night or the first few months, you're entering into a relationship that you want to keep going all your life and as such, the person you choose to enter that relationship into with needs to be someone you can stand 5 or 10 years down the line. You also need to be practical when choosing a spouse and part of that is to make sure that you are ok and comfortable with the desires and conditions of the other side. If you feel like you can't compromise, move on - there are others out there, perhaps even better that person x or y. You don't have to settle with the first potential you meet. Just realize that you don't have to give up the rights given to you from Allaah, they are yours to keep.

[UmmSqueakster]

people change after marriage and learn to compromise :)

Or they're stubborn, they don't change, and their life together is a living hell.

Do you think you would be happy staying home all the time? I know I wouldn't. Intercultural marriages are very hard anyways, and if you have something huge like this from the outset, then it will be even harder. If he wants a wife who will stay home and not even go to the masjid, then he needs to look for someone who has that same aspiration.

[AnonymousPoster]

Is he pakistani and is he knowledgable enough about islam?

No he isn`t pakistani,he is a practicing muslim but at the same time may be he don`t understand very well as he think that muslim woman isn`t allowed to go outdoor alone.

[AnonymousPoster]

:sl:
Don't see as rejecting a potential spouse, see it as rejecting a way of life you can't see yourself living.

I really hope not to live this way of life,but at the same time it`s hard to say no to a potential spouse,no one knows if there will be another one someday or not,I can`t cope living without husband all my life .

[cat eyes]

I really hope not to live this way of life,but at the same time it`s hard to say no to a potential spouse,no one knows if there will be another one someday or not,I can`t cope living without husband all my life .

but what kinda life your going to live if he dosent even allow you out to study the deen of Allah??
Do you mind if i ask you sister, what age are you?:)

[CosmicPathos]

I really hope not to live this way of life,but at the same time it`s hard to say no to a potential spouse,no one knows if there will be another one someday or not,I can`t cope living without husband all my life .

well you can decide now. But Islamically, yes he is right. A muslimah must not go outside unless it is a matter of some significant importance. Some stricter interpretations even require a Wali for a woman to go out. So decide for yourself what do you want. A strictly righteous husband or someone who fits in with your desires.

[cat eyes]

well you can decide now. But Islamically, yes he is right. A muslimah must not go outside unless it is a matter of some significant importance. Some stricter interpretations even require a Wali for a woman to go out. So decide for yourself what do you want. A strictly righteous husband or someone who fits in with your desires.

you are right brother but hes forbidding her to go to the masjid. this plays no part in islam to not allow your wife to go to islamic studies and meet up with friends and family ete:hmm: islam is easy. it dose not say to trap your wife in the home all her life. how can u gain imaan sitting in the home?

[CosmicPathos]

you are right brother but hes forbidding her to go to the masjid. this plays no part in islam to not allow your wife to go to islamic studies and meet up with friends and family ete:hmm: islam is easy. it dose not say to trap your wife in the home all her life. how can u gain imaan sitting in the home?

ooh. It depends on this specific case. If hes forbidding going to the masjid because there are a lot of rapists around then the sister must obey him. Allah hu Aalim. It depends on the situation and we need to listen to his reasons why he is forbidding her to go to her friend's house or even masjid.

If I am not wrong, the Prophet pbuh encouraged women to pray at home and men in mosque? Correct me if I am wrong, cant get the source right now .

[Ibn Abi Ahmed]

well you can decide now. But Islamically, yes he is right. A muslimah must not go outside unless it is a matter of some significant importance. Some stricter interpretations even require a Wali for a woman to go out. So decide for yourself what do you want. A strictly righteous husband or someone who fits in with your desires.

:sl:

With all due respect, I think you should think over your words before you advice someone with something that can potentially mess up their lives - there's a difference between reading a text or a fatwa and applying it on every person regardless of individual circumstances. The most strictest opinion/fatwa is not necessarily the best (or right) one.

[Ummu Sufyaan]

:sl:

I really hope not to live this way of life,but at the same time it`s hard to say no to a potential spouse,no one knows if there will be another one someday or not,I can`t cope living without husband all my life .

exactly. so how do you know another isnt going to come either. be optimistic sis.
do potentials come often maybe this is why you are scared?

[AnonymousPoster]

Um hello, you have doubts at the PROPOSAL what the sugarplum do you think your life will be like after you marry the guy?
If he doesnt fit you, than say NO. Allah swt will send another suitor your way, or not, only HE knows. Just because you may say yes to this guy does not mean you will even make it to the wedding day. NOTHING in this life is for certain except death.

Stop being a scaredy cat and say no, he was honest with you about what he expects, you dont like it, walk away!


P.S. This is meant to be a blunt response with no fluff however i am not trying to insult you or hurt your feelings, just giving it to you straight sista.

[CosmicPathos]

:sl:

With all due respect, I think you should think over your words before you advice someone with something that can potentially mess up their lives - there's a difference between reading a text or a fatwa and applying it on every person regardless of individual circumstances. The most strictest opinion/fatwa is not necessarily the best (or right) one.

Walaikum Assalam,

First of all I am not a mufti. I might have made a mistake and I am open to correction as Allah loves those who are humble. Anyways, as far as I know and I have read, a wali is a must unless there is emergency and no one is available then of course Islam is easy. But if you have a credible fatwa from a credible source which says that a woman can go out freely (for shopping with her girl friends for example) without her husband's permission then please do share. Would like to really enlighten myself and bring myself into 'moderation' form strict interpretation. By default, I take the Holy texts as what they literally mean.

[PersiaBeFree]

If you found one, you can find others. Keep looking. Miracles happen every second.

[zakirs]

It is permissible for a Muslim woman to pray in the mosque and her husband does not have the right to stop her if she asks him for permission to do that, so long as she is properly covered and no part of her body is showing that it is forbidden for “strangers” (non mahrams) to see. It was narrated that Ibn ‘Umar said: I heard the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) say: “When your womenfolk ask you for permission to go to the mosque, give them permission.” According to another version, “Do not forbid women their share of the mosques if they ask you for permission.” Bilaal – a son of ‘Abd-Allaah ibn ‘Umar – said, “By Allaah, we will stop them.” ‘Abd-Allaah said to him, “I say ‘The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said…’ and you say, ‘We will stop them’?!” Both reports were narrated by Muslim.

http://www.islam-qa.com/en/ref/49898...%20going%20out


Sister a husband cannot prevent wife from going out to mosque without valid reasons.

I hope i am not being judgemental but he is following what he heard rather than what he has read.Do istikhara and think, only if you think you are suitable then go ahead.If you have doubts i guess you need more advice or u need to stop.



Allah knows best.

[crayon]

Walaikum Assalam,

First of all I am not a mufti. I might have made a mistake and I am open to correction as Allah loves those who are humble. Anyways, as far as I know and I have read, a wali is a must unless there is emergency and no one is available then of course Islam is easy. But if you have a credible fatwa from a credible source which says that a woman can go out freely without her husband's permission then please do share. Would like to really enlighten myself and bring myself into 'moderation' form strict interpretation. By default, I take the Holy texts as what they literally mean.

Those two things are not one and the same. What are you arguing; that a wali must accompany a woman whenever she leaves her home, or that a woman needs her husband's permission to leave the house? Or both?

[Ibn Abi Ahmed]

Walaikum Assalam,

First of all I am not a mufti. I might have made a mistake and I am open to correction as Allah loves those who are humble. Anyways, as far as I know and I have read, a wali is a must unless there is emergency and no one is available then of course Islam is easy. But if you have a credible fatwa from a credible source which says that a woman can go out freely (for shopping with her girl friends for example) without her husband's permission then please do share. Would like to really enlighten myself and bring myself into 'moderation' form strict interpretation. By default, I take the Holy texts as what they literally mean.

:w:

You can take the texts as you want, but the issue is not taking them, the issue here is the individual case by case application - there is no one-size-fits-all solution. The issue here is not the Fiqh so I'm not going to get into it. The point I'm trying to make is simply that when we advise someone, telling them the most hardcore opinion we've read is not the best option - individual circumstances are just as important if not more to take into consideration. May Allaah reward you for your intentions to help the thread starter.

Imagine if she were to take the stricter opinion you've presented: Since you effectively tied it in with piety and righteousness when you said ("So decide for yourself what do you want. A strictly righteous husband or someone who fits in with your desires."), and effectively at the same time made her valid concerns equivelent to following desires. Assume that since it's apparently implying like it's closer to Taqwa that she should go with her potential husband and submit to his desire for her to not leave the house at all (when her lifestyle prior to this is was very different, yet not haram). And then she realizes six months later or a year later that she just can't stand it anymore and asks for a divorce, she might get it or she might not. Who's life is now messed up? Who is the one now having to deal with divorce and finding a husband again? Who has to find a wife again? We have to realize we're dealing with real people and real lives, not objects or things made of stone. Our statements can have a lasting impact, especially when it comes to marital affairs - decisions made then are life-long.

[islamlover_girl]

you aren`t allowed to leave the house without your husband permetion and that`s why you have to choose some one who is open minded enough to give you the permition to go outdoor when you need,what would you do if you need to learn Quran to teach it to your children and he don`t want you to go? what would you do if you need to go to a doctor and your husband don`t give you the permition to do?,I think he misunderstand Islam and abuse his rights as a husband ,yes he has the right to allow you or not to leave the house,but he abuse his rights.

[CosmicPathos]

Those two things are not one and the same. What are you arguing; that a wali must accompany a woman whenever she leaves her home, or that a woman needs her husband's permission to leave the house? Or both?

what I am saying is this http://islamqa.com/en/ref/49898/women%20mosque

hopefully it will clarify.

moreover

Women going out to markets and shops
can women go to the shops and markets? alee (r.a.a) said have you no ghairah that you let your women folk go where they go(the market)

Praise be to Allaah.

Undoubtedly it is better for women to stay at home, as Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“And stay in your houses” [al-Ahzaab 33:33]

And the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Their houses are better for them.” (Narrated by Abu Dawood, al-Salaah, 480. Classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh Sunan Abi Dawood, 530). Undoubtedly, giving women absolute freedom to go out is contrary to the commands of sharee’ah. Guardians have to be guardians in the fullest sense. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“Men are the protectors and maintainers of women” [al-Nisa’ 4:34]

Women should not go out unless it is necessary, and when it is necessary for a woman to go out, it should be with her husband’s permission. She should be careful to avoid that which Allaah has forbidden, and she should wear full hijaab, covering her face, etc. If she goes out wearing adornments and makeup or perfume, then this is not permitted. If there is no danger of fitnah and women go out in the manner required by sharee’ah, there is nothing wrong with their going out. Women at the time of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) used to go out to the market-places without mahrams.

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) permitted women to go out if there is an urgent need. He said, “It is permissible for you (women) to go out for your needs.” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, Tafseer al-Qur’aan, 4421).

Ibn Hajar said in Fath al-Baari, Ibn Battaal said: The interpretation of this hadeeth is that it is permissible for women to engage in dealings according to their needs.


Al-Fataawa al-Jaami’ah li’l-Mar’ah al-Muslimah, 3/1063

[Uncle Jee]

Stay away, if this is the way he is behaving now things can only get worse. Do not go into this with rose tinted spectacles.

[crayon]

what I am saying is this http://islamqa.com/en/ref/49898/women%20mosque

hopefully it will clarify.

moreover

Women going out to markets and shops
can women go to the shops and markets? alee (r.a.a) said have you no ghairah that you let your women folk go where they go(the market)

Praise be to Allaah.

Undoubtedly it is better for women to stay at home, as Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“And stay in your houses” [al-Ahzaab 33:33]

And the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Their houses are better for them.” (Narrated by Abu Dawood, al-Salaah, 480. Classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh Sunan Abi Dawood, 530). Undoubtedly, giving women absolute freedom to go out is contrary to the commands of sharee’ah. Guardians have to be guardians in the fullest sense. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“Men are the protectors and maintainers of women” [al-Nisa’ 4:34]

Women should not go out unless it is necessary, and when it is necessary for a woman to go out, it should be with her husband’s permission. She should be careful to avoid that which Allaah has forbidden, and she should wear full hijaab, covering her face, etc. If she goes out wearing adornments and makeup or perfume, then this is not permitted. If there is no danger of fitnah and women go out in the manner required by sharee’ah, there is nothing wrong with their going out. Women at the time of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) used to go out to the market-places without mahrams.

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) permitted women to go out if there is an urgent need. He said, “It is permissible for you (women) to go out for your needs.” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, Tafseer al-Qur’aan, 4421).

Ibn Hajar said in Fath al-Baari, Ibn Battaal said: The interpretation of this hadeeth is that it is permissible for women to engage in dealings according to their needs.


Al-Fataawa al-Jaami’ah li’l-Mar’ah al-Muslimah, 3/1063

Fair enough. The first link says it is permissible for women to go to the masjid without a mahram, if basic conditions are met. The second one says it is preferable for women to remain at home, but does not mention mahrams/walis at all. It also says that when a woman does go out, she should have her husband's approval. I don't disagree with anything mentioned.

I think the issue most people have is the issue of 'going out when needed'. People's definitions of 'need' may differ- one may find a certain reason valid, while others may not. Is visiting a parent a need? Getting groceries? Getting an education? There's a whole lot of gray area, which is where people end up disagreeing. I don't believe it's a black and white issue, though, as brother Muraad said, each situation is different. As long as we remain within the boundaries Allah has placed then it's all good. :)

[Hamas]

Aw come on now its ok that you wana get married but dont rush into it and grab the first guy that comes along. Find out for yourself what hes really like and dont listen to what others say oh he this he that he so religious bla bla. He sounds boring to me he wont go out and he wont take you out either thats so boring and islam isnt against having fun in the right way of course. Take your time

[Hamas]

Sowi dont mean it in a bad way maybe im not the right person to speak on this

[gabkat]

You wouldnt ask this question if you would be sure you wanna get married to him!

Islam says you have to listen to your husband, but Islam does not say women has to stay home all the time, not to work, not to study etc. (If I know well :) )

You just cant stay home all the time :)

[heavenlyspot]

:sl:

Sister- I understand that this man's perspective doesn't make him a bad person. It's also a good thing how he's being honest about what he wants before marrying, but, I really think you should listen to this story which I thought of when reading about your situation!!

During the summer I usually take the bus to university. One day when I was getting off the bus, I saw 2 women who looked like friends. One of them, a Muslima hijabi holding a toddler. They were at the bus stop, and they both looked at me but didn't say anything. I didn't think much of it- so I proceeded to cross the street, only to find that 2 minutes later they were behind me, asking for directions. I inquired if they needed help and they were asking for an address. I had no clue where they wanted to go, the weather was well below zero and the poor baby was crying. I was confused and felt helpless towards them, especially since neither could speak english well. Alhamdulilah, my house was around the corner and I called my mom and asked her to come out of the house and get into the car (I already planned in my mind that they *needed* a ride to wherever they were going).

Alhamdulilah all was okay, we gave the woman and her baby a ride home. However she had a more detailed conversation with my mom because she spoke the same language. Turns out- her husband was at work, and she desperately needed to get to the doctor for her baby. The emergency situation forced her to leave the house. Then, she got lost, not knowing which bus to take. She told my mom she lived in the area for over 15 years but couldn't even find the way back home- all because she hardly ever left the house.

The situation speaks for itself... what if I didn't find her?... who would help her... who could she communicate with..... in a non muslim country people are not understanding.... I feel as though if only she knew the bus numbers and routes she wouldn't have been lost like that. Think about it- she could even have learned these things with her husband by her side, taking her out every day & accompanying her. Emergencies happen... people need to be prepared.

Sorry I wrote so much- but the event really hurt me. I'm a fully practicing Muslim & fiercly proud of my religion and the status it gives me as a girl. But to all my sisters/brothers here, it's not haraam in any way for a woman to leave the house. Ofcourse she must let her husband know where she is going that is certain. However sister in your case- preventing you from even attending a halaqa sounds strikingly odd.

Allah is the true judge and may he forgive me in case I've said anything false or untrue.

:wa:

[AnonymousPoster]

Thank you for everybody gave an advice here,I really apriciate it
,It`s over now,I didn`t reject him but he changed his mind and choosed to stop it :embarrass

[Snowflake]

:sl: Everything happens for the best ukhti.

May Allah grant you a pious and compatible husband. Ameen :)

[Cabdullahi]

Thank you for everybody gave an advice here,I really apriciate it
,It`s over now,I didn`t reject him but he changed his mind and choosed to stop it :embarrass

Phew! another brother will be relieved from inner turbulence inshallah

that was a close one :phew

[AlbanianMuslim]

Sis, and this is also directed to all the other sisters worrying about marriage and suitors, (im guilty of having done so myself)
a wonderful family friend who has now entered into her 80's, told me this: "Every lid has its cover." It may seem corny or silly but that one phrase says a lot even in our belief system.
Allah swt has someone for each of us, and maybe for some there is not one person designated to be their significant other, and that is ok because Allah swt, you have trust, would not decide something for a person if it were not good for them in some way.

This lady friend did not marry until she was 31, an old maid by the standards of society when she was growing up. The man who met her asked her for her number, she gave him a false one to get rid of him. He found out she was a teacher in a town nearby so he called every school in that town until he found her and told her his intentions were honorable and he would not give up so easily.
They had a short courtship and married. Their marriage was a happy, healthy and very blessed one. He died with his family surrounding his bed and his wife by his side.



Sorry to make it so long but I hope you see where I am going with this. We are not in control of our lives as much as we would like to believe. Allah swt is and He decides what is best for us. One day your prince charming will come along inshallah and you will shake your head laughing at yourself for ever having worried.

[LaRocque]

AlbanianMuslim is right. I don't post much, mostly I just read and learn, but your situation touched me. I am 27 and until very recently despaired of ever finding a man I could love, would love me, and be a good father. Deep down i had decided that maybe I wasn't meant for marriage, maybe I was supposed to be alone for some reason. I was miserable, but felt childish for being unhappy so tried to put a happy face on and pretend that I was ok with being alone, even though I was very unhappy. No matter what happens hun, don't give up. My prince charming finally found me and yours will find you too. Remember, as long as you know that you are a prize for any man, that they will be fortunate when you decide to accept him, they will know it too.