My sister is BAD

[Blackpool]

Previously my 15 yr old sister has rebelled against my parents and whenever my parents slapped her arse she went to school telling her teachers my parents were BEATING her. They then called in the social services. My parents are now afraid to touch her as they have a 6 and a 7yr old son and daughter. They're afraid of the social services taking them away. My 15 yr old sister has clicked onto this. One minute she's lovey dovey, the next she's the biggest brat you could meet. The law SUCKS.

Yesterday my parents let my 15 yr old sister out at 2pm to band practice with her mates, she has yet to return home and it's 11:30am the following day. She has done this once or twice before but not THIS bad. She is now on the missing person's list and my dad has to go to the police station to hand in a photo. With me it's getting a bit like "the boy who cried wolf" but I hope she's ok. If she was mine and she walked through my door now I'd absolutely leather her..! I expect that she's been to some house party, went to bed late and will return home this afternoon. Let that be the case.

[Danah]

I hope she is fine, but you gotta find a way to control her acts more before its too late. This age is very dangerous, and the outside world in not safe for her either. This kind of freedom can make her an easy aim for bad friends and drags addicts. She is still young and doesn't know what is good for her, just wanna do whatever she like.

You are her brother, try to be friend of her so you can be as a shield for her whenever she needs you.

I think your parent gotta talk with the social services about that so they will know that your sis need more attention from your parent, not through violence or beating though.

[glo]

Oh Blackpool, you and your parents must be both angry and worried!

I hope your sister is safe and well.
I agree with Danah that this is a difficult time for your sister too ... :exhausted

Please keep us updated how things develop.

Keeping you all in my thoughts and prayers.

[Blackpool]

I hope she is fine, but you gotta find a way to control her acts more before its too late. This age is very dangerous, and the outside world in not safe for her either. This kind of freedom can make her an easy aim for bad friends and drags addicts. She is still young and doesn't know what is good for her, just wanna do whatever she like.

You are her brother, try to be friend of her so you can be as a shield for her whenever she needs you.

I think your parent gotta talk with the social services about that so they will know that your sis need more attention from your parent, not through violence or beating though.

She gets more attention from them that any of us ever had. She even gets pocket money whereas I used to work on a paper round to get cash. I'm the one she always comes to. I'm the one she talks to and gets on with the most. She gets excited when I visit her but she still does the things she does. My parents have grounded her, stopped her pocket money, made her do all the chores, sent her to her room, banned her from using the computer. She still continues. There is nothing more you can do apart from giving her a good hiding.

If she doesn't return I know I'll regret saying this but I am absolutely confident that she will return, please God. But then what? :hmm:

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[glo]

Must be hard for you being the 'old brother'. Are you the oldest?

[Blackpool]

Must be hard for you being the 'old brother'. Are you the oldest?

I am the oldest. I have a 22 yr old sister, 6 year old brother and 7 yr old sister. I hope the younger ones don't turn out like the 15 yr old one.

I'm learning from this for when I have children of my own. Perhaps banning her from going out without a family memeber permanently would have been for the best.

[glo]

She gets more attention from them that any of us ever had. She even gets pocket money whereas I used to work on a paper round to get cash. I'm the one she always comes to. I'm the one she talks to and gets on with the most. She gets excited when I visit her but she still does the things she does. My parents have grounded her, stopped her pocket money, made her do all the chores, sent her to her room, banned her from using the computer. She still continues. There is nothing more you can do apart from giving her a good hiding.

If she doesn't return I know I'll regret saying this but I am absolutely confident that she will return, please God. But then what? :hmm:

Sounds like you are a good influence on her, Blackpool.
Even if she is going astray at the moment, hopefully the time will come when what you have taught, told and shown her will 'fall into place' and make sense to her.

Don't forget to love your sister. :)

[Danah]

She gets more attention from them that any of us ever had. She even gets pocket money whereas I used to work on a paper round to get cash. I'm the one she always comes to. I'm the one she talks to and gets on with the most. She gets excited when I visit her but she still does the things she does. My parents have grounded her, stopped her pocket money, made her do all the chores, sent her to her room, banned her from using the computer. She still continues. There is nothing more you can do apart from giving her a good hiding.

If she doesn't return I know I'll regret saying this but I am absolutely confident that she will return, please God. But then what? :hmm:

I am sorry to hear this. I can feel your concern about her. I hope she return safe very soon. Try to set with her and discuss things with her, see what she wanna accomplish by doing all of these stuff. Some teens in this age need very special techniques to deal with. InshaAllah after she returned back soon try to consult someone who can make things better like a social specialist or something like that.

[Blackpool]

I didn't find this out until about an hr ago. I live 150 miles away from my sister so it's hard for me to sit down and talk to her. Even in my presence she still rebels against my parents so it's definately not because I'm not present.

Thanks for all of your concern.

[Danah]

^ Oh thats even make things harder now!

Update us when she will be back.

All the best

[Blackpool]

See what I mean? She's returned home 28hrs later stinking of fags and a big love bite on her neck coming out with a pathetic excuse.

The police told my parents that they're not allowed to stop her from going out, despite her being 15, and that she is allowed to come back at any hr she likes. If my parents grab her and force her to stay inside then my sister can have my parents done for harrassment. The British Law SUCKS. This is why we have kids on the streets doing drugs at silly hours. You're not allowed to hit them nor control them but if anything happens to that child then the social services get involved.

She is still being forced to stay in permanently for now and has definately woken my parents up.

Britain for Shariah...! :/

[جوري]

I tell you a friend of my parents had a problem with their son doing the same thing, he threatened to call child services, so his mom picked up the phone and dialed for him, she said, good luck with your foster parents, and started packing his stuff and confiscated all his game boy and computers and what nots.. Can't tell you what a difference that made.. you can't cave in to teenagers.. I know it is painful and you don't want any ill to befall them but you can't let them control you, you must take charge!

so you go on telling your parents that story.. btw my parents just attended the wedding of that rebellious kid, so as to let you know how things turned out in the end!

peace

[aadil77]

Britain for Shariah...! :/

lol, when you don't feel you get justice from the law then naturally you want more effective and strict laws

I think it was david cameron, who joked about implementing the islamic law for stealing after his favourite bike was stolen, he got it back in the end

[Blackpool]

I tell you a friend of my parents had a problem with their son doing the same thing, he threatened to call child services, so his mom picked up the phone and dialed for him, she said, good luck with your foster parents, and started packing his stuff and confiscated all his game boy and computers and what nots.. Can't tell you what a difference that made.. you can't cave in to teenagers.. I know it is painful and you don't want any ill to befall them but you can't let them control you, you must take charge!

so you go on telling your parents that story.. btw my parents just attended the wedding of that rebellious kid, so as to let you know how things turned out in the end!

peace

They've done it. She's got too many friends that will take her in. My parents kicked out a month ago and she was told to go to stay at my other sister's house. My other sister (22yrs old) held her in control, made her clean the house from top to bottom, wash the pots, make the dinner etc to make her realise how easy she had it at my parents.
She begged my parents to take her back which they did and 2 weeks on she's done this. She's the only one that turned out like this and the difference was that we all got belted if we did owt wrong. They're afraid to belt my 15 yr old for the reasons I stated. In my opinion, this is the result.

I dread having children and because of my sister I may become VERY strict with my child in fear of this sort of behaviour.

[Danah]

See what I mean? She's returned home 28hrs later stinking of fags and a big love bite on her neck coming out with a pathetic excuse.

The police told my parents that they're not allowed to stop her from going out, despite her being 15, and that she is allowed to come back at any hr she likes. If my parents grab her and force her to stay inside then my sister can have my parents done for harrassment. The British Law SUCKS. This is why we have kids on the streets doing drugs at silly hours. You're not allowed to hit them nor control them but if anything happens to that child then the social services get involved.

She is still being forced to stay in permanently for now and has definately woken my parents up.

Britain for Shariah...! :/

I am very sorry to hear that she returned home in such a situation, but at least she came back which can be a hope for a new start. I think you -as her brother whom she feel close to- has to go and see her these days and discussed what happened with her. It seems that she don't listen to your parent at all
As I said before, consult someone professional in such teens problems and see how you can save her from being in a worse situation than the current one.

All the best

[glo]

See what I mean? She's returned home 28hrs later stinking of fags and a big love bite on her neck coming out with a pathetic excuse.

The police told my parents that they're not allowed to stop her from going out, despite her being 15, and that she is allowed to come back at any hr she likes. If my parents grab her and force her to stay inside then my sister can have my parents done for harrassment. The British Law SUCKS. This is why we have kids on the streets doing drugs at silly hours. You're not allowed to hit them nor control them but if anything happens to that child then the social services get involved.

She is still being forced to stay in permanently for now and has definately woken my parents up.

Britain for Shariah...! :/

They said what???
Whatever happened to parental responsibility???
I can't believe that the police officer who said that is right. If she was 18 it would be different. At 15 I believe her parents are still legally responsible for her.

[aadil77]

They've done it. She's got too many friends that will take her in. My parents kicked out a month ago and she was told to go to stay at my other sister's house. My other sister (22yrs old) held her in control, made her clean the house from top to bottom, wash the pots, make the dinner etc to make her realise how easy she had it at my parents.
She begged my parents to take her back which they did and 2 weeks on she's done this. She's the only one that turned out like this and the difference was that we all got belted if we did owt wrong. They're afraid to belt my 15 yr old for the reasons I stated. In my opinion, this is the result.

I dread having children and because of my sister I may become VERY strict with my child in fear of this sort of behaviour.

Her friends might take her in for a while, but no one will forever. I think you're older sister is your best option, cause she probably understands b*tchy (sorry can't think of an alternative) behaviour by girls better than anyone else in your family she can probably have her on lockdown, just tell her to go hard on her.

With kids you just have to stop the problem from the roots, any slightest raising in voice, any answering back has to be stopped right away or it just gets worse. I've literally raised my younger brother he's 10 now, he was an embarassing little rebel from when he was born, but now we have him fully on locks.

About her threats to your parents, you'll have to find something on her that you can blackmail her with to keep her quiet. I don't understand how anyone can call the cops or any agency on their own parents, its just morally wrong, I don't know anyone that would dare do that.

[Danah]

^ true.......her friends wont take her forever, they will abandon soon!

They said what???
Whatever happened to parental responsibility???
I can't believe that the police officer who said that is right. If she was 18 it would be different. At 15 I believe her parents are still legally responsible for her.

Exactly!
This is what I thought of too, from what I know, in Europe and US the legal age is 18 for being independent! Did they change the age by any chance?

I think even the social services have to consider that too, I am sure they wont be happy to see a girl going astray because of that stupid freedom they are forcing her parent to give her.

[IbnAbdulHakim]

hmm..


shes living day to day as it comes and just enjoying it as she goes. She cant see past that as to the consequences of her actions.

I think she needs a good talk, someone to explain that everything she does, the way she behaves affects everyone. I think its best coming from the eldest :D :p

[جوري]

They've done it. She's got too many friends that will take her in. My parents kicked out a month ago and she was told to go to stay at my other sister's house. My other sister (22yrs old) held her in control, made her clean the house from top to bottom, wash the pots, make the dinner etc to make her realise how easy she had it at my parents.
She begged my parents to take her back which they did and 2 weeks on she's done this. She's the only one that turned out like this and the difference was that we all got belted if we did owt wrong. They're afraid to belt my 15 yr old for the reasons I stated. In my opinion, this is the result.

I dread having children and because of my sister I may become VERY strict with my child in fear of this sort of behaviour.

Greetings,

that is just the thing, even her friends will tire her after a while, and I assure you, she will not be happy if they request that she does chores and she will beg your parents. The key here is for your parents NOT TO CAVE IN the secret to discipline is keeping your word. For instance my four year old niece the other day was acting out, so my sister told her there was no story time, and there was no story time, when she cried my sister made another punishment and carried it out, my niece told her she wanted to stop crying but couldn't help it, so my sister gave her a cup of water to distract her and she fell asleep without something that she enjoys. She knows when my sister tells her something that she will carry it though.

You think punishing is a pleasurable thing for anyone? absolutely not, no one likes to punish or see their flesh and blood suffer in anyway but you have to draw the limits or you'll have an uncontrollable monster on your hand... in my opinion when your sister took her in and she pleaded with your parents to come back, they shouldn't have let her come back..

I promise you, her friends will be tired of her after a while, but this time your parents need to set limits. Also if she has things that she likes around the house, that is the best thing to first take away from her, for instance phone or computer privileges, TV privileges-- your parents can also have a talk with her friends parents not to let her in... her discipline isn't England's responsibility, it is your parents' responsibility .. if she calls child services, then your mom should help her pack and tell her good luck.. I promise you she will not like living with complete strangers a city or two away and more likely than not they will enforce rules on her that will make her begging your parents to take her back..

listen go have a talk with your mom about a strategy, because this won't work at all. Sit her down tell her what she has done is unacceptable, and that she has to abide by the laws of the house or get out for good and take away everything from her that she hasn't earned herself like phone or clothes or whatever..

also here in the U.S there is a homing device that you can use on kids especially in the car so that parents can limit the distance their kids travel with their car before getting caught ..

I googled UK and this came up

http://www.privatedetectivescorporat...FcNM5QodBllyRQ

haven't read it in full, but guarantee that there is a method you can keep taps on her if she decides to run away..


peace

[Amadeus85]

That's why I support smooth beating the children on their butts by the parents (I dont know the english word). The state, police or whatever shouldn't have right to mess up in family issues, if they do that brings my big anger. Of course I dont say that parents should have right to beat their children, but punishments on kids' butt sometimes is the only way to straight him/her on the right path.

Blackpool, maybe Your sister is in some subculture? Emo, rap or something.

[Cabdullahi]

That's why I support smooth beating the children on their butts by the parents (I dont know the english word). The state, police or whatever shouldn't have right to mess up in family issues, if they do that brings my big anger. Of course I dont say that parents should have right to beat their children, but punishments on kids' butt sometimes is the only way to straight him/her on the right path.

Blackpool, maybe Your sister is in some subculture? Emo, rap or something.

Here comes the pole!

what kinda movie have u been watching mate one with chuck norris in it?

[Life_Is_Short]

It is very sad to hear that. I can't imagine what your parents must be going through right now.

When i was at school, my friend did exactly the same. I think she resort to social services afterwards.
You should not lock her up because currently she thinks you are her biggest enemy. She feels the need to fight you. Tell her the consequences, the dangers of drugs, alcohol, and loose morals.When she crosses the line, there has to be a consequence. There always is.

My friend made her mother very angery and afterwards no matter how hard she tried she never recieved the same love as she did before.

[Life_Is_Short]

I dread having children and because of my sister I may become VERY strict with my child in fear of this sort of behaviour.

It's not about being strict, it's about setting the boundaries and extending the consequences from the begining.

[Snowflake]

Hi Blackpool,

I've heard of teens turning their live's around when they get involved in something worthwhile to do.

This site is for youth support in Blackpool..

Integrating Youth Support in Blackpool - http://www.youthcharter.co.uk/index.php?/youthwise/


I hope you find something that'll be of help God willing.

[Ummu Sufyaan]

i feel sorry for your parents. there certainly does need to be stricter rules implemented concerning the authority of parents.

is there some kind of restraining order or something along you can get against the people she hangs around with. dont the authorities do some kind of investigating of claims before they decide who isnt allowed to discipline their children? that is seriously wrong. and isnt 15 years considered underage :?

have you tried speaking to her? i think kids relate to their siblings better then to their parents.

I dread having children and because of my sister I may become VERY strict with my child in fear of this sort of behaviour.

you being VERY strict with your kids may also have the same affects as your sister your kids will hate you if you are too strict and wont take you seriously if you are too soft. its about being moderate and having a good authority (ie law) to back you up.

[S_87]

there was a series on bbc last month called 'world strictest parents' on out of control teenagers being sent to countries around the world for this reason.
anyway the problem with the uk is that parents cant 'discipline' their kids without that threat of 'calling child care' when there is a difference between disciplining and abuse.

i know theyve tried some punishments but how about an extreme form of those punishment? like if shes not in the home by 11 at night lock the doors,let her stay out and in the freezing cold/ if shes not home to eat at a certain time, dont feed her the food

i know these may sound cruel but it sounds like shes at a point where she needs to know the reality of what her parents are doing for her and how blessed she is to have parents

[★ηαѕιнα★]

Hello,

First of all I wanted to say the best of luck to you and your parents. I know you are in a difficult situtation right now. Went through the same thing with my little sister (19).
You kinda feel responsible for everything because your the oldest and your parents kinda expect it from u?? I did anyway. Just wanted to say you can only do your best, you are no miracle worker. :)

I agree with some of the members here. She won't listen to your parents. This is a difficult age, the age where they rebel and search for boundaries. These boundaries sometimes conflict with their own goals.
The key word in this situation is COMPROMISE. Tell your parents they shouldnt say no to everything she wants. That way she will feel there is no gain for her in obeying your parents. Their has to be some sort of win-win situation. Like for instance she wants to go to some party. In this case your parents could agree only when she accepts the conditions. The conditions could be 1. you or one of your parents drive her there to make sure she gets there in one piece and pick her up to make sure she leaves in one piece. 2. Curfew..dunno how its spelled. Like for instance the party is on weekends from 9 pm to 2 am. They could say she's gonna be picked up 11.30. This is an example of a good compromise. Without exepting these conditions shes not allowed to go. That way she will have the choice. Obey and go to a party. Or disagree and stay home.
To inform her about the use of alcohol and drugs and stuff you could take her to a rehabcentre. Just to talk to an addict there about the consequences this stuff had in their lives. Maybe a good conversation will open up her eyes. She needs to see where she is going with her behaviour and needs to make a choice for herself not become that kinda person and act on that.

I believe beating children is not a good thing to do in this situation. Whatever loyalty they have to the parents dies out. Without this loyalty they will feel no guilt when their doing something bad. And guilt is the brake on the vehicle called puberty. In this situation it is important to talk to your sister. Find out why she's acting this way. It seems like she is running away from something. Maybe something happened in the past between her and your parents?? There is something she finds in her group of friends that she lacks at home. It is important for you to be there for her. I can imagine she feels alone right now though she lives in a house full of people. Just because no one understands her.
Chores and taking away TV and such won't help I think. This way she will have even more time to think about what she will do next and how she's gonna get there. The change has to come from within. No punishment is gonna stop her. Her motivation to go out and do stuff is to big.

Finally I want to advise you to take care of the little ones as well. My little sister (12) had a lot of emotional stuff to take because of the 'warzone' at home. I noticed when my parents and my sister had a fight she would lock herself in her room and curle up in bed crying from all that. On other days she would just sleep at my aunts to get away from the situation at home. When you notice they are more quite then usual you know somethings up. In this situation its best to just talk to them and take them out to do fun stuff. Though this is between your parents and your sister, this effects them as well. Its even worse since the are so little.

You have some work cut out for you. U hang in there. This is a difficult thing to solve but not impossible. I was able to win my sisters trust after a while eventough I was the "goody two shoes" and she was seen as the black sheep of the family. She hated me for that. I had to fix our relationship first before I could talk to her in a normal way. Guess you have a headstart now. :) Now my sister and I get along well. Her behaviour is good, doesnt go out that much. Just busy with school and work now. And we never did get along well as we do now.

Take care and good luck

[PersiaBeFree]

15-year-old girls are generally a horror. If your other sister escaped the worst of it, she's lucky.

She will make her mistakes. All your family can hope is to keep her alive, not pregnant, in school, and not addicted to drugs or alcohol (of course revealing those concerns is almost asking to have them realized).

Then in her 20's maybe something will begin to dawn on her. Then you'll have a chance to win her back.

Maybe I'm too jaded, but I've seen a bad case of this. The costs can be permanent, but it doesn't have to be the end of the world.

[cat eyes]

Previously my 15 yr old sister has rebelled against my parents and whenever my parents slapped her arse she went to school telling her teachers my parents were BEATING her. They then called in the social services. My parents are now afraid to touch her as they have a 6 and a 7yr old son and daughter. They're afraid of the social services taking them away. My 15 yr old sister has clicked onto this. One minute she's lovey dovey, the next she's the biggest brat you could meet. The law SUCKS.

Yesterday my parents let my 15 yr old sister out at 2pm to band practice with her mates, she has yet to return home and it's 11:30am the following day. She has done this once or twice before but not THIS bad. She is now on the missing person's list and my dad has to go to the police station to hand in a photo. With me it's getting a bit like "the boy who cried wolf" but I hope she's ok. If she was mine and she walked through my door now I'd absolutely leather her..! I expect that she's been to some house party, went to bed late and will return home this afternoon. Let that be the case.

thats y i want to live in saudi and not the west! you can't disipline your kids at all if there doing wrong i personally don't believe on hitting the child but still i be afraid theyd accuse of doing something because of so much influence ive heard loads of stories mainly from u.k dont know what way the asian families are raising there kids there. may Allah guide them

[Blackpool]

I do feel children do need protecting and in some ways the social services are good. I know many middle age people that were beaten badly as a child. Even my mum had boiling hot water poured over her by her mother as a child for backchatting which my mum has never forgiven my nan for. My dad was encouraged by his dad to fight his brother even to the point where they were both dripping blood. This is where the social services would have benefited but a smack on the arse should be allowed.
My parents have put my other 2 little sister and brother into martial arts (Thaikwondo,) which they love, to instill discipline into them. I'm hoping it works.

[heavenlyspot]

Previously my 15 yr old sister has rebelled against my parents and whenever my parents slapped her arse she went to school telling her teachers my parents were BEATING her. They then called in the social services. My parents are now afraid to touch her as they have a 6 and a 7yr old son and daughter. They're afraid of the social services taking them away. My 15 yr old sister has clicked onto this. One minute she's lovey dovey, the next she's the biggest brat you could meet. The law SUCKS.

Yesterday my parents let my 15 yr old sister out at 2pm to band practice with her mates, she has yet to return home and it's 11:30am the following day. She has done this once or twice before but not THIS bad. She is now on the missing person's list and my dad has to go to the police station to hand in a photo. With me it's getting a bit like "the boy who cried wolf" but I hope she's ok. If she was mine and she walked through my door now I'd absolutely leather her..! I expect that she's been to some house party, went to bed late and will return home this afternoon. Let that be the case.

!! :sl:
Have you perhaps tried making her listen to Islamic lectures/speeches. And by 'making her', all I mean is to play the video/audio while she is in the room, so that she may hear the words. MashAllah nowadays there are so many shaikhs or ulamahs who deliver words in a manner that pertains to the youth. That way, it would be more interesting for her to listen to. I have some experience with your problem. My brother used to have some very bad friends, and they were influential towards him. So, instead of banning him completely from leaving the house my mother would make him listen to *a ton* of lectures. Alhamdulilah, although it took some time, he is more storng in his iman and understands that Muslims don't live the Western style of life. He now even speaks about Islam when with his friends.

I have no doubt that your sister can change InshAllah, with the right compassionate words. I am also very appreciative of your efforts to come onto the IslamicBoard and share your story- that means you love your sister and want the best for her. InshAllah I'll pray for her as well. I know it's very hurtful and heart-wrenching to watch your sibling go through something you can't help them with.

:wa:

[heavenlyspot]

I also forgot to mention- she'll also become more appreciative in your parent's struggle to raise her her right way. Sometimes kids don't realize how parents work very hard in order to pass good values and morales. I think when she truly understands that she will seem more humble towards them :-)

[mammyluty]

y dont u take her out of these country!?just tell her u are all going for a holiday n then live her there in a muslim girls boarding school.the british law about raising children makes some parents forget the tawaqal to Allah.just play smart dont hit her,bt dont give her poctet money,i dont know just suggestions.

[★ηαѕιнα★]

y dont u take her out of these country!?just tell her u are all going for a holiday n then live her there in a muslim girls boarding school.the british law about raising children makes some parents forget the tawaqal to Allah.just play smart dont hit her,bt dont give her poctet money,i dont know just suggestions.

Nah I dont agree with u there sister. Thats means Blackpool has to lie to his sister. Theres not a worse thing to ruin a relationship of ANY sort than with lies and deception. If I had an older brother and he would say we are taking a holiday and then he would drop me off in some country at a boarding school with strangers I wouldnt forgive him as long as i live. It makes u feel unwanted in the most extreme way. You should be careful with your advice sister.

Salaam

[aadil77]

^He and his family aren't muslim :hiding:

[Cabdullahi]

^ ahhh hahaha hehe huhuhu

[aadil77]

^ ahhh hahaha hehe huhuhu

I thought I should let them know, before they carry on with the islamic naseeha :hiding:

[Blackpool]

Thanks for the advice folks. I can't respond to everyone of you because there's soooooooooooo many but I have read every single one of them. Heck, I wouldn't even mind her being muslim as long as she sorted herself and her future out and that really is saying something coming from a Catholic background :skeleton:

[Binyamine]

She is just having an excess of hormones. We all have one time been rebelleous!!! Just give her time while explaining her. There is something called Peer Pressure...

Hopefully she is still a virgin and will one day come to understand how much on parent work hard for us.

[OurIslamic]

Get her emancipated.

[S<Chowdhury]

Im sorry to hear that yet I've been in your sister position, i've rebelled before been to house party's you name it i've done it. Yet I'm warning you now when my parent began to get even more stricter with me I WENT THE OTHER WAY, honestly God forgive me but i wished they would die, i regret what I said now but the way they handled the situation especially my mother was SUICIDE. They started to be on 24hr watch with me, checking everything i did, where i went i had to be accountable for every hour, they would phone me every hour well it may seem a little exaggerated it felt like it at the time. You name it they tried everything, stopped me physically going out, dragged me home, picked me up from school, take me to school everything physically possible. My mother was worse she wouldnt hear my side of the story all she was concerned with was What will the family think? what will the community think?


That was when I was 15/16, now im 18 and my relationship with my parents are strained at times but whose isn't. The only reason i ever decided to reason with my parents and follow the right and good path was not because my parents punished me harshly and kept track of me like im an animal, but my father he actually sat down with me on more occasion than i can remember and tried to make me see sense, at first i did not listen but through talking and actually facing the problems and creating compromises etc he made me see sense. most importantly the talks we shared he made me realise the importance of family etc and i think he was the first adult for a very long time who was open about his experiences. Im not saying go tell your children about your first time smoking etc but he was honest enough for me to trust him again. Honestly believe if my father hadn't been around talking to me, i would of ran away from home it was unbearable.

You might think im talking alot of rubbish, and this may seem like a very western way of dealing with this sort of situation. There is no easy fix to this, but i promise you hitting them and physically forcing them is not the right answer, Im not saying don't hit your child every so often, a child should be fearful of his parents yet if you hit your child till the point bruises/injuries are forming this is taking it too far and the law should intervene no question no ifs no buts. When your child is at a young age hitting them lightly is enough to bring fear. But at the age of 15 you have to use greater force which I personally believe is not acceptable, plus they are not learning anything really, you using physical force will have the opposite desired effects, you are not sorting the situation out all you've done is made them is angrier and sometimes even consider running away.

I rather have my daughter or Son home instead of them running away atleast then i could be certain they are okey and you could make sure they are not injured or hurt and if they are you could make sure they get the correct medical attention. Rather that then them getting caught up in more trouble as they are on their own.

I'm talking about a few years back from my own experience, not everyone is the same but I hope me being honest about this I've been able to shed a different perspective on the issue.

[S<Chowdhury]

sorry woops i made things a little too dramatic...... when i said" situation especially my mother was SUICIDE" i actually didn't mean she committed suicide but actually what she did in a way was like committing a suicide lol

[Minniiee..Mee..]

A/Aleykum
I havent done what your sisters done but Ive heard the experience. My brother used to do that. Sometimes maybe not bk for days. He used to smoke ciggarettes and weed, but now Alhamdulillah he's stopped that. He went to Africa and changed a lot. But sometimes you know I think being too strict with teenagers is not good because they do the exact opposite.

[abu salaahudeen]

try diplomacy . . . From the heart

[mish mash]

aww that is so sad! :(
i hope she if safe!

[★ηαѕιнα★]

I thought I should let them know, before they carry on with the islamic naseeha :hiding:

I already had an idea he wasnt muslim. I adapted my advice to that.
So..:omg:

Salaam :D