/* */

PDA

View Full Version : an issue with the wife



YusufNoor
01-10-2010, 03:39 PM
:sl:

a little over a month ago, my wife left on a journey to Yemen to visit her sick mother. her mother, may Allah have mercy on her, passed away before my wife arrived.

i told my wife that a 3 week trip or at most 6 weeks would be alright with me, but not longer than 6 weeks, because of fitnah...

my wife was pretty distraught over her mom's passing. who wouldn't be? however, a week later she proclaimed that she really liked Yemen and that she was going to "take a break" for a while.

by the following week she decided that she was not going to return to the US. she liked Yemen too much and as we had talked about one day moving there, she said that she would just simply wait for me. she is staying with her sister.

i told that i am NOT moving to Yemen any time soon and that i never gave her permission to "move", but just to visit her dying mom. she said she might consider "coming back" IF i force her too, but other than that she said she was happy where she is and that she doesn't want to leave. further, she said that it was OK for me to get a 2nd wife while i remained in the US.

i love my wife and i want what is best for her, but i also want what is best for me and those 2 things don't seem to be compatible at the moment. i told her that my heart disease and lung disease were getting worse and it would be nice to have someone to call 911 if things bring on my next heart attack.

i am stumped. at times i am so mad that i want to divorce her, but i know her intentions aren't bad. she is happy to be in a Muslim country for the 1st time in her life, well other than Somalia. she did begin to hate it here before she left and believe it or not, SHE asked a revert sister to be my 2nd wife! my opinion on THAT sister was she needed to learn her din and then she if she could repair her 1st marriage.

any input from MUSLIMS ONLY would be appreciated.

:wa:
Reply

Login/Register to hide ads. Scroll down for more posts
جوري
01-10-2010, 09:46 PM
:sl: akhi

This is a difficult situation indeed.. I believe that perhaps she has found some support system to comfort her over her loss in her extended family.. I know whenever I go away on vacation no matter how short I never want to come back.. I don't know why but traveling a new feels like death to me especially when I think of how difficult the every day living is. .. but we are not in this life for comfort.. it is a struggle and it might pay that you remind her that a woman's jihad is in her respect and acquiescence to her husband's wishes especially if they are in her best interest and aren't against Allah in any way.. .. May I suggest that you purchase a round trip ticket and get your wife in person. I think being and seeing you will change her mind about things.. There are laws as far as I know in the Muslim world that require a wife to be with her husband hopefully it won't come to that, but you'll certainly have more of a leverage in swaying her while there than here.... Trust me I can appreciate how upset and angry you are but given her circumstance, I believe that Allah swt will reward you for your patience.. pls go get your wife in person, if nothing else I think she will value the gesture ..


:w:
Reply

YusufNoor
01-10-2010, 11:21 PM
:sl:


:embarrass:embarrass:embarrass:embarrass

DANG, i thought i posted that as anonymous.

see, the problem is that when her mom and sister first got to Yemen in September, we talked about the possibility of moving there in "the future."

her position is kind of "i'll just wait until you get here!" she don't care how long i take as long as she gets to stay there.

she LOVES hearing the athan and the fajr prayer, the food isn't crap like here.

it's rather heartbreaking, as she intends no wrong. maybe she is just trying to force my hand and get me to move there sooner, but as i AM supposed to support her, one DOES need employment!

:wa:
Reply

جوري
01-10-2010, 11:29 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by YusufNoor
:sl:


:embarrass:embarrass:embarrass:embarrass

DANG, i thought i posted that as anonymous.

see, the problem is that when her mom and sister first got to Yemen in September, we talked about the possibility of moving there in "the future."

her position is kind of "i'll just wait until you get here!" she don't care how long i take as long as she gets to stay there.

she LOVES hearing the athan and the fajr prayer, the food isn't crap like here.

it's rather heartbreaking, as she intends no wrong. maybe she is just trying to force my hand and get me to move there sooner, but as i AM supposed to support her, one DOES need employment!

:wa:
I am sorry akhi, if it makes you feel better I'll pretend you are some other Muslim member..

I appreciate that you are not well.. trust me I am all too familiar with that.. I have these two machines at home:

http://www.amazon.com/Readmyheart-Pe...3165881&sr=8-6

and

http://www.amazon.com/Microlife-PF-1...3165922&sr=1-1

just to keep tabs on your health while you go get your wife.. I think a little mini vacation for you would be a good thing as well.

you can always purchase this for your wife

http://www.islamicgoodsdirect.co.uk/...oducts_id/2442

so she can hear the athan, but go get her back home.. I think you can convince her of things in person that you can't otherwise..

as for work, well you can always work anywhere you go, that really shouldn't be a problem for someone of your talents, but for your health and sanity and your own children get your wife back home..


I'll keep you in my du3a insha'Allah

waslaam 3lykoum wr wb
Reply

Welcome, Guest!
Hey there! Looks like you're enjoying the discussion, but you're not signed up for an account.

When you create an account, you can participate in the discussions and share your thoughts. You also get notifications, here and via email, whenever new posts are made. And you can like posts and make new friends.
Sign Up
Cabdullahi
01-10-2010, 11:32 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by YusufNoor
:sl:


:embarrass:embarrass:embarrass:embarrass

DANG, i thought i posted that as anonymous.

see, the problem is that when her mom and sister first got to Yemen in September, we talked about the possibility of moving there in "the future."

her position is kind of "i'll just wait until you get here!" she don't care how long i take as long as she gets to stay there.

she LOVES hearing the athan and the fajr prayer, the food isn't crap like here.

it's rather heartbreaking, as she intends no wrong. maybe she is just trying to force my hand and get me to move there sooner, but as i AM supposed to support her, one DOES need employment!

:wa:
Brother going to Yemen at this time is not very wise judging by how things are faring regarding the al c.i.ada influence
Reply

YusufNoor
01-11-2010, 12:13 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by Gossamer skye
I am sorry akhi, if it makes you feel better I'll pretend you are some other Muslim member..

I appreciate that you are not well.. trust me I am all too familiar with that.. I have these two machines at home:

http://www.amazon.com/Readmyheart-Pe...3165881&sr=8-6

and

http://www.amazon.com/Microlife-PF-1...3165922&sr=1-1

i just wing it with my heart. it's a wee bit dangerous. when i lay down at night it begins to feel like my lungs are filling up with liquid and i can't breathe. i wake up gasping for breath. my understanding is that is symptomatic of left side congestive heart failure. and on some days the shortness of breath never leaves, which may be more bronchial than anything. but erm, no insurance! ;D

just to keep tabs on your health while you go get your wife.. I think a little mini vacation for you would be a good thing as well.

you can always purchase this for your wife

http://www.islamicgoodsdirect.co.uk/...oducts_id/2442

so she can hear the athan, but go get her back home.. I think you can convince her of things in person that you can't otherwise..

as for work, well you can always work anywhere you go, that really shouldn't be a problem for someone of your talents, but for your health and sanity and your own children get your wife back home..

we have Haroon Baqai on the pc.

I'll keep you in my du3a insha'Allah

waslaam 3lykoum wr wb
:sl:

she doesn't see the problem. she feels that she has made hijra, whether unintentionally or not. she doesn't want to return to the land of the kufar, if she can avoid it. i think that because she says it's OK to take a 2nd wife that she is in the clear so to speak.

most people around seem to AGREE with her! they DO admit that what she is doing is wrong, but they say Yemen IS better than here and IF you want a 2nd wife, just get one. :hmm:

i guess i'm like, if my wife wants to come back and CHOOSE the 2nd wife, then she can go back after that. not really but..:embarrass

i should have seen this coming when she tried to get this other woman to move in with us. :embarrass:embarrass but i was too embarrassed when she explained what she meant.

we have no kids together, mine are from the 70s. IF i divorce her, it seems like i would be saying that she has wronged me in some way, which is NOT her intention. the weather there would be better for my lungs and i reckon it would be easier for me to learn Arabic there.

the only problem is that i am working on a few presentations about the Bible and Christianity that will enable, In Sha'a Allah, many more Muslims to show "what's wrong with the Bible" without getting all Ahmed Deedat [may Allah have mercy in him] on them. i've shown a few Muslims already and they were astounded. one had bought a Bible when he heard me explain some things. i took the bible that he had showed him, "look, it says right here, here and here that it has been changed!" we don't have to argue, we show what there own book says about their book! i want to get it down to 3 different 1 hour presentations so that i can put it on dvd. 1 on changes, the 2nd on a few MAJOR contradictions [not numbers] and the last a bit more involved showing that Islam is actually OLDER than MOST of the current forms of Christianity!

IF i get THAT done then, In Sha'a Allah, i'm ready to leave. who knows, maybe i could teach it as a course. but, i would like me wife in the mean time.

:wa:
Reply

Abdul Qadir
01-11-2010, 12:21 AM
This is sad, may Allah protect us from such a calamity...
Reply

Snowflake
01-11-2010, 12:47 AM
:sl:

First, I pray Allah grants you shifa and good health. Ameen. Secondly please don't be embarrassed bro. You're our brother, and your pain is ours.

I also ask for your forgiveness if I'm way off the mark on what I'm about to say..


I noticed you said that your wife gave you permission and even tried to set you up with a sister for a second marriage. You're wife did this prior to leaving for Yemen. It almost seems that she decided that once she goes she won't be coming back, and her attempt to set up marriage for you was out of guilt because she knew she wasn't coming back? You said she 'decided' to stay there only after a week of being there. Personally, I feel that's a very short period to make a decision in which there was no consulting or compromise and which affects the stability of a marriage.

I hate to say it bro, but it seems like a well thought out move. imsad

I also find it hard to comprehend the reasons how a wife can leave her husband for any period longer than necessary, let alone indefinitely when he is in a bad state of health. I'm sorry but hearing the adhaan and all the other things aren't something you'd leave a sick husband for. They can merely be an excuse for not wanting to be with someone. It seems you're wife may not have been happy, but also didn't want to hurt you, hence her attempt of marriage for you.


I could be totally wrong of course. It's taken me ages to write this post as I wrote it in fear and lots of pauses in case I'm way off mark and unintentionally hurt your feelings. Please forgive me if I have in any way.


My advice is to get your wife to speak openly about what she wants. That's the only way you can make sense of what's really going on. I pray I am wrong. May Allah bless your marriage. Ameen.


:wa:
Reply

جوري
01-11-2010, 01:04 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by YusufNoor
:sl:

she doesn't see the problem. she feels that she has made hijra, whether unintentionally or not. she doesn't want to return to the land of the kufar, if she can avoid it. i think that because she says it's OK to take a 2nd wife that she is in the clear so to speak.

most people around seem to AGREE with her! they DO admit that what she is doing is wrong, but they say Yemen IS better than here and IF you want a 2nd wife, just get one. :hmm:

i guess i'm like, if my wife wants to come back and CHOOSE the 2nd wife, then she can go back after that. not really but..:embarrass

i should have seen this coming when she tried to get this other woman to move in with us. :embarrass:embarrass but i was too embarrassed when she explained what she meant.

we have no kids together, mine are from the 70s. IF i divorce her, it seems like i would be saying that she has wronged me in some way, which is NOT her intention. the weather there would be better for my lungs and i reckon it would be easier for me to learn Arabic there.

the only problem is that i am working on a few presentations about the Bible and Christianity that will enable, In Sha'a Allah, many more Muslims to show "what's wrong with the Bible" without getting all Ahmed Deedat [may Allah have mercy in him] on them. i've shown a few Muslims already and they were astounded. one had bought a Bible when he heard me explain some things. i took the bible that he had showed him, "look, it says right here, here and here that it has been changed!" we don't have to argue, we show what there own book says about their book! i want to get it down to 3 different 1 hour presentations so that i can put it on dvd. 1 on changes, the 2nd on a few MAJOR contradictions [not numbers] and the last a bit more involved showing that Islam is actually OLDER than MOST of the current forms of Christianity!

IF i get THAT done then, In Sha'a Allah, i'm ready to leave. who knows, maybe i could teach it as a course. but, i would like me wife in the mean time.

:wa:
:sl:

can you get some sheikh from Yemen to speak with her.. It isn't normal nor Islamic what she is doing.. I understand that people do strange things that they later come to regret when they experience a terrible loss (God knows I am no stranger to it personally) and observationally--when my mother lost her sister and her mother, I used to find her talking to herself.. it made me very sad and it changed her in many ways, not for the better...

I think maybe there is something deeper than the whole land of kuffr thing that is keeping her there and I think you need to have a discussion of some candor with her.. maybe if you can convince her that she can go to as many vacations to Yemen as possible she won't feel the need to make it so permanent...

I look forward to your book btw...

:w:
Reply

syilla
01-11-2010, 01:10 AM
Salams akhee...

Maybe you need to give her more time to think. Have sabr akhee... InshaAllah time will heal lots of things :)
Reply

YusufNoor
01-11-2010, 03:52 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by Scents of Jannah
:sl:

First, I pray Allah grants you shifa and good health. Ameen. Secondly please don't be embarrassed bro. You're our brother, and your pain is ours.

I also ask for your forgiveness if I'm way off the mark on what I'm about to say..


I noticed you said that your wife gave you permission and even tried to set you up with a sister for a second marriage. You're wife did this prior to leaving for Yemen. It almost seems that she decided that once she goes she won't be coming back, and her attempt to set up marriage for you was out of guilt because she knew she wasn't coming back? You said she 'decided' to stay there only after a week of being there. Personally, I feel that's a very short period to make a decision in which there was no consulting or compromise and which affects the stability of a marriage.

I hate to say it bro, but it seems like a well thought out move. imsad

in hindsight, it does, BUT she was hoping that her mom would recover and that she would stay there and take care of her. THAT is understandable!

I also find it hard to comprehend the reasons how a wife can leave her husband for any period longer than necessary, let alone indefinitely when he is in a bad state of health. I'm sorry but hearing the adhaan and all the other things aren't something you'd leave a sick husband for. They can merely be an excuse for not wanting to be with someone. It seems you're wife may not have been happy, but also didn't want to hurt you, hence her attempt of marriage for you.


I could be totally wrong of course. It's taken me ages to write this post as I wrote it in fear and lots of pauses in case I'm way off mark and unintentionally hurt your feelings. Please forgive me if I have in any way.


My advice is to get your wife to speak openly about what she wants. That's the only way you can make sense of what's really going on. I pray I am wrong. May Allah bless your marriage. Ameen.


:wa:
:sl:

no worries, i'm trying to figure this all out.

what is troublesome, i said to her, "if you asked your mom about what you are doing, she would be furious with you."

and she just said, "my mom is dead."

i'm thinking/hoping that there was a miscommunication there. after all, i KNOW her mom passed.

in order for for to comprehend my displeasure, i told that i wasn't going to call her for a while. she got real upset, as if to imply that i had no reason to be angry.

oh well, i didn't call her this weekend. MAYBE that will indicate my displeasure with her, In Sha'a Allah.

i wish she has access to a computer so she could explain herself more clearly and that i could spell out MY reasons and feelings.

this is hard.

JazalAllah Khayr for letting me get this off my chest.

:wa:
Reply

Donia
01-11-2010, 04:07 AM
:wa:

Brother, please do not be embarrassed. You are coming to seek advice about a very difficult situation that you are in. Nothing embarrassing about that.

This is hard. I don't want to accuse your wife of anything or assume any reason for her behaviors. Allah knows best why she is acting the way she is. Is there any way you can try to convince her to come back with you and then once you finish your book/work then you can both move to Yemen insha'Allah? It seems to me the work you are doing is very important and you are trying to do it as a positive for Muslims and Islam... alhumdulillah. May Allah reward you.

I just don't know what else to say. There are some women out there who are praying for a good husband and I just don't understand how some can just leave theirs and suggest for him to get another wife.. SubhanAllah. I know there's nothing wrong with that islamically.. but still.imsad
Forgive me if I have said anything to offend you or anyone else in this thread.

I hope that Allah will heal you and provide an easy solution for your wife and you in this situation that will benefit you both insha'Allah.
Reply

جوري
01-11-2010, 04:48 AM
You have been touched by ill of late my brother, may Allah swt undo all your hurt and grant you every blessing and every happiness.. I don't know what to offer you short of my sincere and genuine du3a that Allah swt removes this sadness and confusion from your heart and replaces it with joy, contentedness and blessings unbound in this life and the hereafter ..


ameen

إن الله لا يضيع أجر من أحسن عملاً


hope this cheers you up insha'Allah

Media Tags are no longer supported


:w:
Reply

Italianguy
01-11-2010, 05:04 AM
Well brother I will be praying for you.......oh wait......you said Muslims only to answer?.....sorry didn't mean to waist your time.

God be with you.:D
Reply

Hamza Asadullah
01-12-2010, 03:39 AM
:sl:
format_quote Originally Posted by YusufNoor
:sl:

a little over a month ago, my wife left on a journey to Yemen to visit her sick mother. her mother, may Allah have mercy on her, passed away before my wife arrived.

i told my wife that a 3 week trip or at most 6 weeks would be alright with me, but not longer than 6 weeks, because of fitnah...

my wife was pretty distraught over her mom's passing. who wouldn't be? however, a week later she proclaimed that she really liked Yemen and that she was going to "take a break" for a while.

by the following week she decided that she was not going to return to the US. she liked Yemen too much and as we had talked about one day moving there, she said that she would just simply wait for me. she is staying with her sister.

i told that i am NOT moving to Yemen any time soon and that i never gave her permission to "move", but just to visit her dying mom. she said she might consider "coming back" IF i force her too, but other than that she said she was happy where she is and that she doesn't want to leave. further, she said that it was OK for me to get a 2nd wife while i remained in the US.

i love my wife and i want what is best for her, but i also want what is best for me and those 2 things don't seem to be compatible at the moment. i told her that my heart disease and lung disease were getting worse and it would be nice to have someone to call 911 if things bring on my next heart attack.

i am stumped. at times i am so mad that i want to divorce her, but i know her intentions aren't bad. she is happy to be in a Muslim country for the 1st time in her life, well other than Somalia. she did begin to hate it here before she left and believe it or not, SHE asked a revert sister to be my 2nd wife! my opinion on THAT sister was she needed to learn her din and then she if she could repair her 1st marriage.

any input from MUSLIMS ONLY would be appreciated.

:wa:
:sl: jazakallahu khayran for sharing this sensative situation with us brother.

Firstly my brother it is clear that you are being tested due to your health and i ask Allah to reward you greatly for your patience because the best people get tested the most and Allah tests because he wants good for you and wants you close to him so you are truly blessed brother.

Secondly in regards to your wife then this is clear disobedience and she talks about being able to her adhan and the Islamic atmosphere yet she is causing the anger of Allah and disobeying her husband? On top of that you are ill as well. There is no justification for her to disobey you and remain there like that refusing to come back. Unfortunatley right now she is living in great sin.

What i would suggest to you brother is that you talk to a reliable and experienced scholar about your situation immediatley for he will give you the best possible advice and what your next steps should be.

My brother put your FULL hope, faith, trust and reliance in Allah and know that he hears you and he is there for you. He is with those who are patient.

I pray your situation is resolved and that whatever is best happens inshallah.

:wa:
Reply

syilla
01-12-2010, 03:52 AM
^^^ but it sounds so strict...and she just lost her mother :(

and she did say

she said she might consider "coming back" IF i force her too,
Reply

جوري
01-12-2010, 03:52 AM
I just read your medical symptomatology in red. above (I am sorry I missed it earlier). and it doesn't matter whether you have insurance or not you need to see a doc and be put on a few meds immediately.. can you tell me if you are on meds now? pls feel free to PM if you don't want to discuss this publicly ..


May Allah swt grant you shifaa

:w:
Reply

Snowflake
01-12-2010, 04:39 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by YusufNoor
:sl:

no worries, i'm trying to figure this all out.

what is troublesome, i said to her, "if you asked your mom about what you are doing, she would be furious with you."

and she just said, "my mom is dead."

i'm thinking/hoping that there was a miscommunication there. after all, i KNOW her mom passed.

in order for for to comprehend my displeasure, i told that i wasn't going to call her for a while. she got real upset, as if to imply that i had no reason to be angry.

oh well, i didn't call her this weekend. MAYBE that will indicate my displeasure with her, In Sha'a Allah.

i wish she has access to a computer so she could explain herself more clearly and that i could spell out MY reasons and feelings.

this is hard.

JazalAllah Khayr for letting me get this off my chest.

:wa:
:sl: Wa iyyak. May Allah bless you brother Yusuf and grant you good health. Ameen.


It is good that you did not hide your displeasure from your wife and leave her in any doubt about how you feel about the situation. I really don't know what to say except to be patient and make dua for your wife. Advise her with patience as her brother in Islam (not only as a husband) and remind her of her duties and obedience to you. May Allah have mercy on our sister and make her see the error of her ways, Ameen.

:wa:
Reply

جوري
01-16-2010, 08:37 PM
:sl:

wanted to see how you are br. Yusuf, without actually prying into your business.. I hope you have at least seen a doctor before going off on pursuits to win your Mrs.


:w:
Reply

abu salaahudeen
01-16-2010, 08:45 PM
your wife needs to realise that she has to obey her husband and cannot make these decisions very lightly.

You may want to consider joining her in yemen im sure its much better than usa

you have an option broother
Reply

cat eyes
01-16-2010, 08:53 PM
thats terrible disobeying your husband like that and fleeing off to another country and she don't even feel any little bit of shame? brother i would immediately speak with a scholar about this situation and the decision is in your hands then what to do with her well i know what i would do if i was the husband. imagine if she did this if you had any kids it would cause so much upset and pain
Reply

glo
01-16-2010, 09:10 PM
Respecting Yusuf's wishes I am not offering any advice ... but may I ask a question?

Under those circumstances, if the wife has moved to another country, but the marriage remains valid, does the husband continue to be financially responsible for the wife who has left?
Reply

abu salaahudeen
01-16-2010, 09:16 PM
she is still his wife and he must fulfil her right and vice a versa

the ties oof kinship must be maintained maybe she may see his gestures and realise what she's done is wrong
Reply

YusufNoor
01-16-2010, 10:04 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by glo
Respecting Yusuf's wishes I am not offering any advice ... but may I ask a question?

Under those circumstances, if the wife has moved to another country, but the marriage remains valid, does the husband continue to be financially responsible for the wife who has left?
my guess would be yes, but as i can't afford 2 rents in 2 different countries, i plan on seeing her brother this weekend to inform him that unless his sister makes a surprise appearance or AT THE LEAST, calls and tries to resolve this issue by the end of the month, then he can resume his duty as her wali.

I look forward to your book btw...
dvd, In Sha'a Allah

Secondly in regards to your wife then this is clear disobedience and she talks about being able to her adhan and the Islamic atmosphere yet she is causing the anger of Allah and disobeying her husband? On top of that you are ill as well. There is no justification for her to disobey you and remain there like that refusing to come back. Unfortunatley right now she is living in great sin.

What i would suggest to you brother is that you talk to a reliable and experienced scholar about your situation immediatley for he will give you the best possible advice and what your next steps should be.
we're a little short on English speaking scholars, but one of my buddies is an Imam and he said that if i was to ask him, that he would issue a fatwah that i need to divorce. however, in normal circumstances, getting relatives from the 2 parties together would be the next step. i don't have any Muslim relatives and i will try to have as friendly a chat as i can with her brother. there ARE some Somali scholars, but they are from the same tribe as her and i would rather that they think that i just divorced her rather than have to clue them in on what is going on. they would be really upset with her, and i am upset enough for everybody!

I just read your medical symptomatology in red. above (I am sorry I missed it earlier). and it doesn't matter whether you have insurance or not you need to see a doc and be put on a few meds immediately.. can you tell me if you are on meds now? pls feel free to PM if you don't want to discuss this publicly ..
my current medication is Salat, Thikr and Dawah. don't forget, when i had my first heart attack, i wasn't until the 4th day that someone else took me to the hospital. by then, one of my aortas was 99.9% blocked. they told me i would die if i didn't let them operate and told them that was OK by me. :D then they explained the old blood clot goes to the brain and stroke scenario! :embarrass so i then asked them what the hell they were waiting for! ;D
that is actually one of the reasons that i wish my wife was here. she would recognize any serious change in facial color that might indicate "it's REALLY" time to go to the hospital.

wanted to see how you are br. Yusuf, without actually prying into your business.. I hope you have at least seen a doctor before going off on pursuits to win your Mrs.
soon, Allah knows how stubborn i am. well, actually most people know!

You may want to consider joining her in yemen im sure its much better than usa
i talked to one of the Imams from Yemen. he laughed real hard! mentioned something about my "big beard" and said maybe they will let you in in a few years. :heated: looking like a Muslim is actually a detriment in this case...

thats terrible disobeying your husband like that and fleeing off to another country and she don't even feel any little bit of shame? brother i would immediately speak with a scholar about this situation and the decision is in your hands then what to do with her well i know what i would do if i was the husband. imagine if she did this if you had any kids it would cause so much upset and pain
she didn't "flee off," she sought permission to go visit her dying mom. i said she go go for 3 weeks, 6 max. she had her brother buy her a ticker for over 2 months. she said it was the cheapest way. and quite honestly, she expected her mom to live. if she was taking care of her mom, i would feel differently about this.

when she first got there, her mom was already dead and buried, may Allah forgive her all of her sins and grant her a high abode in Jannah. i talked to her than and she was destroyed. the net week, she said she wanted a bit of a vacation. she said she had gone to visit some shaykh who does "cures." BUT she said, he can only cure aids and liver disease. rather than question this, i just kind of let it slide. the Next week she said she is being treated by him! when i told her it was time to come home, she said that she couldn't because she shouldn't be able to take her "medicine" on the plane. no one i know, knows of some miracle curing shaykh in Yemen. anyway, she hung up on me shortly after this. the connection wasn't too good amd my words are few and far between as: a) it's hard to breathe and b) i'm trying NOT to say anything harsh.

today, i called and was hung up on immediately. maybe it was a bad connection, i don't know. what i do know, however, is that she wouldn't go 2 weeks without speaking with someone who she considered "family."

so form whatever reason she doesn't feel the need to call, THAT is a major factor in letting her go. if she doesn't need me, then i don't need to feel responsible for her. she is entitled to a good life in Yemen if that is her priority. for WHATEVER reason.

May Allah guide us all to the straight path!

:wa:
Reply

abu salaahudeen
01-16-2010, 10:11 PM
May Allah make affair easy for you brother
Reply

cat eyes
01-16-2010, 10:41 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by YusufNoor
my guess would be yes, but as i can't afford 2 rents in 2 different countries, i plan on seeing her brother this weekend to inform him that unless his sister makes a surprise appearance or AT THE LEAST, calls and tries to resolve this issue by the end of the month, then he can resume his duty as her wali.



dvd, In Sha'a Allah



we're a little short on English speaking scholars, but one of my buddies is an Imam and he said that if i was to ask him, that he would issue a fatwah that i need to divorce. however, in normal circumstances, getting relatives from the 2 parties together would be the next step. i don't have any Muslim relatives and i will try to have as friendly a chat as i can with her brother. there ARE some Somali scholars, but they are from the same tribe as her and i would rather that they think that i just divorced her rather than have to clue them in on what is going on. they would be really upset with her, and i am upset enough for everybody!



my current medication is Salat, Thikr and Dawah. don't forget, when i had my first heart attack, i wasn't until the 4th day that someone else took me to the hospital. by then, one of my aortas was 99.9% blocked. they told me i would die if i didn't let them operate and told them that was OK by me. :D then they explained the old blood clot goes to the brain and stroke scenario! :embarrass so i then asked them what the hell they were waiting for! ;D
that is actually one of the reasons that i wish my wife was here. she would recognize any serious change in facial color that might indicate "it's REALLY" time to go to the hospital.



soon, Allah knows how stubborn i am. well, actually most people know!



i talked to one of the Imams from Yemen. he laughed real hard! mentioned something about my "big beard" and said maybe they will let you in in a few years. :heated: looking like a Muslim is actually a detriment in this case...



she didn't "flee off," she sought permission to go visit her dying mom. i said she go go for 3 weeks, 6 max. she had her brother buy her a ticker for over 2 months. she said it was the cheapest way. and quite honestly, she expected her mom to live. if she was taking care of her mom, i would feel differently about this.

when she first got there, her mom was already dead and buried, may Allah forgive her all of her sins and grant her a high abode in Jannah. i talked to her than and she was destroyed. the net week, she said she wanted a bit of a vacation. she said she had gone to visit some shaykh who does "cures." BUT she said, he can only cure aids and liver disease. rather than question this, i just kind of let it slide. the Next week she said she is being treated by him! when i told her it was time to come home, she said that she couldn't because she shouldn't be able to take her "medicine" on the plane. no one i know, knows of some miracle curing shaykh in Yemen. anyway, she hung up on me shortly after this. the connection wasn't too good amd my words are few and far between as: a) it's hard to breathe and b) i'm trying NOT to say anything harsh.

today, i called and was hung up on immediately. maybe it was a bad connection, i don't know. what i do know, however, is that she wouldn't go 2 weeks without speaking with someone who she considered "family."

so form whatever reason she doesn't feel the need to call, THAT is a major factor in letting her go. if she doesn't need me, then i don't need to feel responsible for her. she is entitled to a good life in Yemen if that is her priority. for WHATEVER reason.

May Allah guide us all to the straight path!

:wa:
but why are you being soft with her? is she married to her family or is she married to u? and what dose she expect you to do. this is very strange indeed i believe she might be under the influence of black magic and all that story about that shaykh is a bit dogy if you dont mind be saying. i never heard of a shaykh curing diseases before. :hmm: only Allah the Almighty cures diseases. tell her to come home immediately brother for her own safety. may Allah make it easy on u Ameen
Reply

YusufNoor
01-16-2010, 11:31 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by cat eyes
but why are you being soft with her? is she married to her family or is she married to u? and what dose she expect you to do. this is very strange indeed i believe she might be under the influence of black magic and all that story about that shaykh is a bit dogy if you dont mind be saying. i never heard of a shaykh curing diseases before. :hmm: only Allah the Almighty cures diseases. tell her to come home immediately brother for her own safety. may Allah make it easy on u Ameen
:sl:

the whole "shaykh" thing has me worried as well. very much so. if her mom was there, i would be less worried. but, yeah, this has sufi written all over it if you ask me. [or something worse. but IF she thinks she is on the Haq, i need BIG help to convince her. she is a bit stubborn that way]

i'm not being "soft," life is a test. i didn't complain about the timing of the ticket because i knew how distraught she was and i was just hoping that she would get there before her mom passed. now, there is a cost involved to change the ticket, how much i don't know. she had her brother buy it.

rather than look into the cost, she is just using that date as a day when she will have to make a decision on whether or not she is going to come back. she wants to put that decision off as long as possible because she really wants to stay.

the BIG problem is that she isn't asking for a divorce! she has said to take my time, find another wife in the mean time if i need one. just don't make her leave.

IF she would talk about it, i would suggest [as crazy as it sounds] for her to come back, find me another wife and THEN she can return and await my eventual move to Yemen. WITH the other wife, of course. but then i think about that and go WTF?????

she MUST either contact me and resolve this by the end of the month or i'm done. i don't know else i could really do.

BUT, the fact that she hasn't even bothered to call me DOES SPEAK VOLUMES! it may even be the deciding factor for me. IF your brothers are more important AND you consider yourself to be closer to them than me, then THAT IS the answer. i just return you to them.

see what i'm saying?

:wa:
Reply

abu salaahudeen
01-17-2010, 12:10 AM
do not be harsh with her as she may be experiencing emotional imbalance currently she may need emotional upliftment. Remember she's a woman and they go through alot of things i personally you should be there supporting her . . .
Reply

Karl
01-17-2010, 12:55 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by abu salaahudeen
do not be harsh with her as she may be experiencing emotional imbalance currently she may need emotional upliftment. Remember she's a woman and they go through alot of things i personally you should be there supporting her . . .
I agree, she is probably distraught and needs time to heal emotionally. Making her return to the anti Islamic USA may make things worse. Even though the wife must obey the husband, in this case you should have some empathy for her, as the Qur'an states that you should not live amongst the enemies of Islam. USA laws prohibit Islamic practices and traditions (i.e polygamy, young brides and they hassle people about Muslim clothing etc). US is at war with Islam killing brothers and sisters on a daily basis. Remember too that your taxes are funding the Zionist war machine and the Antichrist global socialists. I just don't know how any Muslim would want to move to such a country^o)

If you go to Yemen you would be closer to Makkah and other Holy cities.
Furthermore the dry heat may be good for your health. :)
Reply

Snowflake
01-17-2010, 01:25 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by glo

Under those circumstances, if the wife has moved to another country, but the marriage remains valid, does the husband continue to be financially responsible for the wife who has left?
Hi Glo,

That is a good question and one I will find a ruling for. I did read somewhere in the past that if a without a valid reason a woman refuses her husband in intimate relations then he can withhold her rights of maintenance. Apparently this is because he is maintaining her as his wife. If she doesn't fulfill her rights than she isn't entitled to hers. I must get this confirmed God willing. If it is correct then in Bro Yusuf's case he isn't responsible for his wife's maintenance anymore.




YusufNoor;1278541]
:sl: the BIG problem is that she isn't asking for a divorce! she has said to take my time, find another wife in the mean time if i need one. just don't make her leave.
:sl:

The shaykh thing is worrying but that is separate from how your wife is dealing with this situation.

I don't think your wife set out to hurt you, although she has. She wants you to get married because she feels guilty about leaving you to care for yourself. She cannot bring herself to tell you how she really feels or wants as she genuinely is trying not to hurt you more than she already has. It would ease her conscience if you got married and if it is divorce she wants, she'd feel better asking for it if she knew you had someone there. She is fooling herself by thinking that this way she is hurting you less. May Allah have mercy on her. Ameen.


she MUST either contact me and resolve this by the end of the month or i'm done. i don't know else i could really do.
Give her a period in which to decide what she wants. Make this the first thing you say when you get a chance to speak to her again.

BUT, the fact that she hasn't even bothered to call me DOES SPEAK VOLUMES! it may even be the deciding factor for me. IF your brothers are more important AND you consider yourself to be closer to them than me, then THAT IS the answer. i just return you to them.

see what i'm saying?
It does seem like it. You should have called her back after you got disconnected or was deliberately disconnected. You should have kept calling a few times and seen what happened.


Lastly, bro, you must look after your health. never assume that if so and so was there, things would be better. Nothing can harm you except with the will of Allah. If you're meant to go from a heart attack or stroke, then your wife being there won't be able to prevent it. Allah is sufficient. InshaAllah next time you speak with your wife, be firm and give her an ultimatum. No one has the right to put anyone through this, let alone a wife her husband.

:wa:



format_quote Originally Posted by abu salaahudeen
do not be harsh with her as she may be experiencing emotional imbalance currently she may need emotional upliftment. Remember she's a woman and they go through alot of things i personally you should be there supporting her . . .
:sl Does hormone imbalance denote that a woman is justified in staying away from her sick husband without his permission for emotional uplift on the other side of the world? If that were the case then Islam would've made allowances for it. People wouldn't even leave a sick pet alone and go off for a day. We are talking about a very sick human being here, and a woman who is deliberately staying away. Agreed, she may have reasons. But then she should also take it upon her to put the poor man out of his misery.
Reply

جوري
01-17-2010, 02:40 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by YusufNoor

my current medication is Salat, Thikr and Dawah. don't forget, when i had my first heart attack, i wasn't until the 4th day that someone else took me to the hospital. by then, one of my aortas was 99.9% blocked. they told me i would die if i didn't let them operate and told them that was OK by me. :D then they explained the old blood clot goes to the brain and stroke scenario! :embarrass so i then asked them what the hell they were waiting for! ;D
that is actually one of the reasons that i wish my wife was here. she would recognize any serious change in facial color that might indicate "it's REALLY" time to go to the hospital.
:sl:
akhi,

I am not sure I understand? so they have operated on your blockage and discharged you from the hospital with no medications post op.?
You realize that Allah swt will ask you of your health? I am sure that you were discharged on some meds, pls try to at least get a refill on those if you can't go for a full follow up physical.

please promise me you'll do this!


soon, Allah knows how stubborn i am. well, actually most people know!
That is not good enough..

and I look fwd. to your DVD's

:w:
Reply

YusufNoor
01-17-2010, 03:27 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by Karl
I agree, she is probably distraught and needs time to heal emotionally. Making her return to the anti Islamic USA may make things worse. Even though the wife must obey the husband, in this case you should have some empathy for her, as the Qur'an states that you should not live amongst the enemies of Islam. USA laws prohibit Islamic practices and traditions (i.e polygamy, young brides and they hassle people about Muslim clothing etc). US is at war with Islam killing brothers and sisters on a daily basis. Remember too that your taxes are funding the Zionist war machine and the Antichrist global socialists. I just don't know how any Muslim would want to move to such a country^o)

i didn't move here, my wife and her family did. i ws born here.

If you go to Yemen you would be closer to Makkah and other Holy cities.
Furthermore the dry heat may be good for your health. :)

i don't disagree with any of that. i'd like to move there. due to some jahillybilly stuff, my wife won't ask her brother to give me a job. i'm not a businessman by any stretch of the imagination, but if she really wanted me there quicker, together they could do it. however, i'm told that in Somali culture [at least hers] that the "one who marries your sister deserves a place of honor." THEREFORE you cannot hire him as a worker as he might suck and you'd have to fire him and you CAN'T do THAT to your brother in law! :heated:
I don't think your wife set out to hurt you, although she has. She wants you to get married because she feels guilty about leaving you to care for yourself. She cannot bring herself to tell you how she really feels or wants as she genuinely is trying not to hurt you more than she already has. It would ease her conscience if you got married and if it is divorce she wants, she'd feel better asking for it if she knew you had someone there. She is fooling herself by thinking that this way she is hurting you less. May Allah have mercy on her. Ameen.
if she wanted a divorce, i think she would ask for one. i rather think that she is trying to "force" me to move to Yemen. it's NOT a bad idea, i had hoped to wait until my mom passed away before i left here. i would like to attempt to convert here while i still have a chance. after all, she IS my mom.

It does seem like it. You should have called her back after you got disconnected or was deliberately disconnected. You should have kept calling a few times and seen what happened
i detest these bloody phone cards! i think that she left, she needs to call.

I am not sure I understand? so they have operated on your blockage and discharged you from the hospital with no medications post op.?
well, not exactly like that. i discharged myself out the next day so i could have a smoke! they called me on my cell. i told the woman that i didn't have a pen with me, crikey, i didn't even have a lighter. i asked to call back and leave a message that i could follow up. she never called back, 4 months later i became a Muslim. Allah gave me Islam instead of meds. that seems better to me!

if something is wrong, the Masjid is the place to go. if i am to "live" according to some doctors, well Allah will really have to make that pretty obvious to me. cuz i don't see it.

:wa:
Reply

جوري
01-17-2010, 03:39 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by YusufNoor
well, not exactly like that. i discharged myself out the next day so i could have a smoke! they called me on my cell. i told the woman that i didn't have a pen with me, crikey, i didn't even have a lighter. i asked to call back and leave a message that i could follow up. she never called back, 4 months later i became a Muslim. Allah gave me Islam instead of meds. that seems better to me!

if something is wrong, the Masjid is the place to go. if i am to "live" according to some doctors, well Allah will really have to make that pretty obvious to me. cuz i don't see it.

:wa:
Oh my God, I am at a loss for words..

akhi, I have a few words for you.. I have lost my uncle wajeeh two days before Eid, he was the sweetheart of our family, he was a smoker and a religious man, never complained a day in his life, in fact he went off to make salat ad'duhr came back home to read the news paper, clutched his chest and was gone three mins later, three mins not even enough time for my aunt to call her son to fetch a doctor..

his passing devastated all of us and his young son although I love that he went fasting in the last ten of Ramadan after having made prayers, perhaps it is our only consolation may Allah swt have peace and blessings upon him and grant him paradise' high meed.. but that is something to think about

2: 195 And spend [freely] in God's cause, and let not your own hands throw you into destruction;

Allah swt granted you a good life and obviously he must love you for why else would he choose Islam for you, you'll do no good to anyone being ill and having God knows what level blockage in your arteries!

Allah swt didn't tell us to give up treatment.. in fact it is stated that for every ailment there is a cure..

something to ponder... let your wife come home to someone who is taking charge of his life and his health..

:w:
Reply

zakirs
01-17-2010, 11:58 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by YusufNoor
if she wanted a divorce, i think she would ask for one. i rather think that she is trying to "force" me to move to Yemen. it's NOT a bad idea, i had hoped to wait until my mom passed away before i left here. i would like to attempt to convert here while i still have a chance. after all, she IS my mom.



i detest these bloody phone cards! i think that she left, she needs to call.



well, not exactly like that. i discharged myself out the next day so i could have a smoke! they called me on my cell. i told the woman that i didn't have a pen with me, crikey, i didn't even have a lighter. i asked to call back and leave a message that i could follow up. she never called back, 4 months later i became a Muslim. Allah gave me Islam instead of meds. that seems better to me!

if something is wrong, the Masjid is the place to go. if i am to "live" according to some doctors, well Allah will really have to make that pretty obvious to me. cuz i don't see it.

:wa:
:sl:

May sisters have given you advice regarding your issue and i hope you sort it out. I am knowledgable enough to advice such matters sry :( . I would pray for you to recover soon and your family is back together.Never let anger get better of you. Anger is how shaytan works .

Please also never neglect your treatment. Never just believe going to masjid is enuf ( although Allah has ability to cure anything).

"Why don't you tie down your camel?" The Bedouin answered, "I put my trust in Allah." The Prophet then said, "Tie your camel first, then put your trust in Allah" (At-Tirmidhi).



Imagine what your bad health could cause to your wife , mother and your family. Your hopes of seeing your mom as muslimah could vanish away if you ignore your health and are seriously hospitalized. Please go get a check up again :|
Reply

YusufNoor
01-17-2010, 12:44 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by zakirs
:sl:

May sisters have given you advice regarding your issue and i hope you sort it out. I am knowledgable enough to advice such matters sry :( . I would pray for you to recover soon and your family is back together.Never let anger get better of you. Anger is how shaytan works .

Please also never neglect your treatment. Never just believe going to masjid is enuf ( although Allah has ability to cure anything).

"Why don't you tie down your camel?" The Bedouin answered, "I put my trust in Allah." The Prophet then said, "Tie your camel first, then put your trust in Allah" (At-Tirmidhi).



Imagine what your bad health could cause to your wife , mother and your family. Your hopes of seeing your mom as muslimah could vanish away if you ignore your health and are seriously hospitalized. Please go get a check up again :|
:sl:

all good and bad are from Allah. Allah is the one that cures.

Volume 7, Book 70, Number 555:

Narrated 'Ata bin Abi Rabah:

Ibn 'Abbas said to me, "Shall I show you a woman of the people of Paradise?" I said, "Yes." He said, "This black lady came to the Prophet and said, 'I get attacks of epilepsy and my body becomes uncovered; please invoke Allah for me.' The Prophet said (to her), 'If you wish, be patient and you will have (enter) Paradise; and if you wish, I will invoke Allah to cure you.' She said, 'I will remain patient,' and added, 'but I become uncovered, so please invoke Allah for me that I may not become uncovered.' So he invoked Allah for her."
Volume 7, Book 71, Number 638:

Narrated 'Abdul 'Aziz:

Thabit and I went to Anas bin Malik. Thabit said, "O Abu Hamza! I am sick." On that Anas said, "Shall I treat you with the Ruqya of Allah's Apostle?" Thabit said, "Yes," Anas recited, "O Allah! The Lord of the people, the Remover of trouble! (Please) cure (Heal) (this patient), for You are the Healer. None brings about healing but You; a healing that will leave behind no ailment."
Volume 7, Book 71, Number 640:

Narrated 'Aisha:

Allah's Apostle used to treat with a Ruqya saying, "O the Lord of the people! Remove the trouble The cure is in Your Hands, and there is none except You who can remove it (the disease) . "
Volume 7, Book 70, Number 579:

Narrated 'Aisha:

Whenever Allah's Apostle paid a visit to a patient, or a patient was brought to him, he used to invoke Allah, saying, "Take away the disease, O the Lord of the people! Cure him as You are the One Who cures. There is no cure but Yours, a cure that leaves no disease."
Volume 7, Book 70, Number 563:

Narrated Sad:

I became seriously ill at Mecca and the Prophet came to visit me. I said, "O Allah's Apostle! I shall leave behind me a good fortune, but my heir is my only daughter; shall I bequeath two third of my property to be spent in charity and leave one third (for my heir)?" He said, "No." I said, "Shall I bequeath half and leave half?" He said, "No." I said, "Shall I bequeath one third and leave two thirds?" He said, "One third is alright, though even one third is too much." Then he placed his hand on his forehead and passed it over my face and abdomen and said, "O Allah! Cure Sad and complete his emigration." I feel as if I have been feeling the coldness of his hand on my liver ever since.
Volume 3, Book 36, Number 476:

Narrated Abu Said:

Some of the companions of the Prophet went on a journey till they reached some of the 'Arab tribes (at night). They asked the latter to treat them as their guests but they refused. The chief of that tribe was then bitten by a snake (or stung by a scorpion) and they tried their best to cure him but in vain. Some of them said (to the others), "Nothing has benefited him, will you go to the people who resided here at night, it may be that some of them might possess something (as treatment)," They went to the group of the companions (of the Prophet ) and said, "Our chief has been bitten by a snake (or stung by a scorpion) and we have tried everything but he has not benefitted. Have you got anything (useful)?" One of them replied, "Yes, by Allah! I can recite a Ruqya, but as you have refused to accept us as your guests, I will not recite the Ruqya for you unless you fix for us some wages for it." They agrees to pay them a flock of sheep. One of them then went and recited (Suratul-Fatiha): 'All the praises are for the Lord of the Worlds' and puffed over the chief who became all right as if he was released from a chain, and got up and started walking, showing no signs of sickness.

They paid them what they agreed to pay. Some of them (i.e. the companions) then suggested to divide their earnings among themselves, but the one who performed the recitation said, "Do not divide them till we go to the Prophet and narrate the whole story to him, and wait for his order." So, they went to Allah's Apostle and narrated the story. Allah's Apostle asked, "How did you come to know that Surat-ul-Fatiha was recited as Ruqya?" Then he added, "You have done the right thing. Divide (what you have earned) and assign a share for me as well." The Prophet smiled thereupon.
and at times, there is no cure:

Volume 4, Book 56, Number 813:

Narrated Ibn 'Abbas:

The Prophet paid a visit to a sick bedouin. The Prophet when visiting a patient used to say, "No harm will befall you! May Allah cure you! May Allah cure you!" So the Prophet said to the bedouin. "No harm will befall you. May Allah cure you!" The bedouin said, "You say, may Allah cure me? No, for it is a fever which boils in (the body of) an old man, and will lead him to the grave." The Prophet said, "Yes, then may it be as you say."
whatever Allah wills. as a Muslim death is a reward and one should love it as a Kaffir loves life.

:wa:
Reply

tango92
01-17-2010, 05:55 PM
once at a medicine program we were told that not taking action to save someones life is effectivley the same as murdering that person.

brother if your not taking measures to look after yourself its effectively suicide.
Reply

zakirs
01-17-2010, 06:57 PM
Some of the companions of the Prophet went on a journey till they reached some of the 'Arab tribes (at night). They asked the latter to treat them as their guests but they refused. The chief of that tribe was then bitten by a snake (or stung by a scorpion) and they tried their best to cure him but in vain. Some of them said (to the others), "Nothing has benefited him, will you go to the people who resided here at night, it may be that some of them might possess something (as treatment)," They went to the group of the companions (of the Prophet ) and said, "Our chief has been bitten by a snake (or stung by a scorpion) and we have tried everything but he has not benefitted. Have you got anything (useful)?" One of them replied, "Yes, by Allah! I can recite a Ruqya, but as you have refused to accept us as your guests, I will not recite the Ruqya for you unless you fix for us some wages for it." They agrees to pay them a flock of sheep. One of them then went and recited (Suratul-Fatiha): 'All the praises are for the Lord of the Worlds' and puffed over the chief who became all right as if he was released from a chain, and got up and started walking, showing no signs of sickness.
In this case those travellers tried as much as they can. I am not saying we should not pray bro. Of course everything we have and we will have is due to Allah and he alone can cure us. But we should atleast have a try ? .. Heart problems are cured comparitively easily these days. :).

Hope you return to best of your healths.
Reply

★ηαѕιнα★
01-17-2010, 07:54 PM
Salaam alaikom brother,

I dont know you really but red your story and really couldnt let this thread pass me by.
First of all brother may Allah swt help you get healthy again inshallah ameen. Ill make some dua for you inshallah. And brother, please stop smoking..!:) Its not good for you, every cigarette means some piece of lung is gonna get black.
And do think you have to get your wife back to you. You need to speak too your wife face-to-face. Thats the best form of communication, especially in situations like this.
The black magic stuff doesnt sound strange by the way. Could be a cause for her behaviour. And I think you should mind your health! Get someone to go with you to make sure theirs gonna be help when you need it. You know keep an eye on you a little bit.

Maybe you should move to Holland, not better then USA but everyone is obligated to get insurrance her, and its affordable her as well. :D

Salaam alaikom and may Allah swt bless you inshallah
Reply

YusufNoor
01-17-2010, 09:06 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Nasiha21
Salaam alaikom brother,

I dont know you really but red your story and really couldnt let this thread pass me by.
First of all brother may Allah swt help you get healthy again inshallah ameen. Ill make some dua for you inshallah. And brother, please stop smoking..!:) Its not good for you, every cigarette means some piece of lung is gonna get black.

:mmokay: i quit smoking a few years back, alhumdulillah

And do think you have to get your wife back to you. You need to speak too your wife face-to-face. Thats the best form of communication, especially in situations like this.

well, if she we here, we wouldn't have this problem now, would we? :hiding:

The black magic stuff doesnt sound strange by the way. Could be a cause for her behaviour.

Allah knows best!

And I think you should mind your health!

i actually do try!

Get someone to go with you to make sure theirs gonna be help when you need it. You know keep an eye on you a little bit.

well, that's what a wife should be doing, eh?

Maybe you should move to Holland, not better then USA but everyone is obligated to get insurrance her, and its affordable her as well. :D

we may have mandatory insurance as well. real soon!

Salaam alaikom and may Allah swt bless you inshallah
:sl:

for me, cost IS an issue. our dispatcher has had similar symptoms to mine. he has has a triple by-pass and just recently a piece of animal heart was used to replace a part of his. IF i had to do something like that, i would NEVER EVER be able to pay off! EVER! in fact, i doubt i would try. i never paid a dime on my last little operation and i didn't care UNTIL i became a Muslim. i figure once some company "buys" your debt, they have in fact, settled it.

now, if i can hold off and stick some poor unsuspecting insurance company holding the bill. i would enjoy that!

once at a medicine program we were told that not taking action to save someones life is effectivley the same as murdering that person.

brother if your not taking measures to look after yourself its effectively suicide.
don't take your Din from doctors! in a first aid situation, i would go. but it has to be pretty obvious to me.

:wa:
Reply

Snowflake
01-18-2010, 06:35 AM
:sl: May Allah grant you the best of health akhi. You needn't take drugs to preserve your health. The Quran is a means to healing too. More than anything I believe in healing from the Sunnah to be more effective inshaAllah. Use black seed oil and honey, olive oil and fast on Mondays and Thurdays if your health permits. InshaAllah you can expect an improvement in health if not full recovery. It depends what Allah has willed for you.


Also recite/listen to Surah Al-An'am and perform ruqyah of Surah al-Fatiha for yourself inshaAllah.


The Prophet said, ‘In the Fatiha of the Qur’an, there is a cure for all maladies(illnesses)’
[Darimi 3236, also narrated by Ad-Darmi in his Al-Masnad and Al-Bayhaqi in Shu’bul Imaan, Tafseer Mazhari 1:30]

Surah al An’am (6)

Jabir (radiAllahu anhu) reported that The Prophet (salAllahu alayhi wasalam) said, ‘So many Angels accompanied its revelation that the horizon was covered with them’
[Hakim, Dhahabi & Baihaqi]

The Prophet (salAllahu alayhi wasalam) said, ‘The Qur’an was revealed in one fifth part, whoever memorised it in one fifth parts would not forget it. Except for Surah al An’am, which was revelaed in it’s entirity, seen off by seventy angels from each heaven until they delivered it to the Prophet. Never has it been recited over a sick person, without Allah granting him a cure’
[Baihaqi & Khatib]

Umar ibn al-Khattab (radiAllahu anhu) reported that The Prophet (salAllahu alayhi wasalam) said, “Surah An’aam is from the core of the Qur’an”
[Tafsir of al-Qurtubi]

Disease and suffering is a means of expiation of sins. If it is Allah's will to not cure someone then inshaAllah be patient and know that it is a means of purification for you in the way Allah that chose.

:wa:
Reply

جوري
01-19-2010, 04:45 PM
:sl:

I found you this excellent article to send to your wife, if she reads Arabic..

أحاديث شريفة
تفريــغ : هشام القدسي


بِسْمِ اللَّهِ الرَّحْمَنِ الرَّحِيمِ

الفقه الإسلامي : مواضيع متفرقة
حقوق الزوج :
أيها الإخوة المؤمنون :
حقوق الزوج على زوجته ، وتحدثنا في الدرس الماضي كيف أن الله سبحانه وتعالى قال :

[سورة النساء]
وكيف أن النبي صلى الله عليه وسلم قال لموفدة النساء إليه :
اعلمي أيتها المرأة ، وأعلمي من دونك من النساء أن حسن تبعل المرأة زوجها يعدل الجهاد في سبيل الله " .
وكيف أن المرأة إذا صلت خمسها ، وأطاعت زوجها ، وحفظت فرجها دخلت جنة ربها . وكيف أن المرأة إذا ماتت وزوجها عنها راض دخلت الجنة .
عقبت على هذه الأحاديث التي في صالح الزوج أن المرء يجب أن يكون أهلاً لهذه المعاملة ، عليه أن يكون كريماً ، عليه أن يكون حليماً عليه أن يكون ورعاً ، إذا حقق هذه الصفاة استحق أن تكون هذه الأحاديث مما تعنيه .
والحديث الأخير الذي أنهيت به موضوع الفقه في الدرس الماضي قوله عليه الصلاة والسلام :
" حق الزوج على زوجته ألا تمنعه نفسها ولو كان على ظهر قتب (بعير) وألا تصوم يوماً واحداً إلا بإذنه إلا الفريضة ، فإن فعلت أثمت ولن يُتقبل منها ، وألا تعطي من بيتها شيئاً إلا بإذنه ، فإن فعلت كان له الأجر وعليها الوزر ، وألا تخرج من بيته إلا بإذنه فإن فعلت لعنها الله وملائكته حتى تتوب أو ترجع ، وإن كان ظالماً " .
لحسن سير الحياة في الأسرة لابد من طرف أمره نافذ ، وهو الزوج كونه ظالم أو غير ظالم بحث آخر ، لكن لابد من إنسان يأمر فيطاع لابد لهذه السفينة من ربان ، لابد من هذه الطائرة من طيار وقائد إذا أمر يُنفذ الأمر بصرف النظر عن قناعة معاونه بأحقية هذا الأمر ، أو عدم قناعته ، لذلك وإن كان ظالماً . حينما جاء النبي الكريم أخو إحدى الصحابيات يستأذنه في أن تخرج أخته لعيادة أبيها ، قال له : قل لأختك طاعتها لزوجها خير من عيادة أبيها ، وكره النبي عليه الصلاة والسلام أن يعتدي على حق الزوج .
هذا ملخص الأحاديث التي سيقت في الأسبوع الماضي ، وقد رجوت الإخوة الأكارم أنهم إذا ذكروا هذه الأحاديث في ثورة الغضب فإن الزوجة تكفر بها ، وقد تسمعك كلاماً لا ترضاه ، لا ينبغي أن تستغل هذا الحديث استغلالاً شخصياً ، قبل أن تقول هكذا يقول عليه الصلاة والسلام ، راقب نفسك ، هل أنت في مستوى هذه الأحاديث .
لذلك خرج النبي عليه الصلاة والسلام مرةً إلى أصحابه قائلاً : غضبت أمكم غضبت أمكم . السيدة عائشة ، يُستنبط من هذا الحديث أن المرأة إذا غضبت على الزوج أن يسكت ، وإذا غضب الزوج على المرأة أن تسكت .
يعني إذا مسكنا زجاجتين وصدمناهما ببعضهما تتكسران ، أما قطعة من الإسفنج وقطعة من الزجاج ، لا يحصل شيء ، الأولى تمتص الثانية، فإذا كانت الزوجة غضبانة فأنت مثل دور سلبي ، فإذا كنت أنت الغاضب عليها أن تمسك . النبي الكريم هكذا علمنا ، خرج على أصحابه وقال : غضبت أمكم غضبت أمكم .
المرأة أحياناً يكون عليها ضغوط كثيرة ، الزوج يخرج من البيت يرجع الظهر أحياناً تتعسر في أمور الغسيل ، أحياناً يكون حاجات ناقصة في البيت ، فالرجل حين يرجع إلى البيت ويلقى زوجته غاضبة عليه أن يتلقى هذا بصدر واسع .
الحق الثاني الذي على المرأة : عدم إدخال من يكره زوجها إلى البيت ، إذا قال زوجها : فلانة لا أريد أن تدخل بيتي فمعنى ذلك أن فلانة لا ينبغي أن تدخل بيته ، رضيت أم غضبت ، أعجبها ذلك ، أم لم يعجبها ، فمصلحة الزوجة مع زوجها لا مع جاراتها ، وكم من مشكلة وقعت ، بسبب أن هذه الزوجة الحمقاء آثرت علاقتها الطيبة بجيرانها ، وضحت برضى زوجها ، لذلك إذا أمر الزوج أن هذه فلانة لا أحب أن تدخل بيتي ، فللزوج وجه نظر تحترم ، قد تدخل امرأة إلى البيت من أهل اليسار ، ليس عكس اليمين ، يعني الغنى ، فكلما وقع بصرها على شيء في البيت ازردته ، فانطمست الزوجة ، فإذا عاد الزوج أقامت عليه النكير ؛ أنت لا تعرف قدري ، أنت لا تقدم لي على الأعياد شيئاً يُذكر ، أنت لا تكرمني بسبب هذه الزائرة الظالمة التي لا تعرف الله عز وجل .
لذلك قال عليه الصلاة والسلام : " ليس منا من فرق " .
يعني أي إنسان يفرق بين زوجين ، بين أخوين ، بين أم وابنها ، بين شريكين ليس من أمة سيدنا محمد . وقد يكون التفريق ببعض الملاحظات .
امرأة زارت امرأة أخرى ؛ كم كان مهرك ، تقول : عشرة آلاف ، عشرة ، ليش من بهذا الوقت قبل بعشرة ، شيطان داخل فيها ، إن تكلمت على المهر تؤذي ، وإن تكلمت على نوع الصيغة تؤذي ، وإن تكلمت على البيت تقول : ما هذا البيت ، أيسكن هذا البيت والله خم دجاج أفضل منه . يأتي الزوج يرى زوجتها مقلوبة ، لم تكن هكذا عايش مبسوط ورضيان منها ، ورضيانة منه ، فإذا أمر الزوج أن هذه المرأة التي تزورنا كل حين ، فتفسد العلاقة فيما بيننا ينبغي أن لا تأتينا ، فعلى الزوجة أن تنصاع لهذا الأمر .
طبعاً كل إنسان له مشكلة ، والناس كما يقال بلاء للناس ، يعني أحياناً الإنسان يكون مرتاح ، كلمة سيئة ، ساعة غفلة من الزوجة ، وساعة يقظة شيطانية من الزائرة ، ترى أن عرى الزوجية قد فصمت وصار الخصام والمشاحنة ، وما من مشكلة إذا أردت أن أعمم إلا وراءها إنسان سبب الإيقاع بين هذين الشخصين . لذلك يتمنى الشيطان أن يفرق تلك العلاقات ، يعني ما من علاقة يرضى عنها الله سبحانه وتعالى كأن تكون العلاقة بين الزوجين طيبة ، وما من علاقة يكرهها الله عز وجل ، كأن يكون الخصام والشقاق .
يعني تدخل إلى بيت متواضع جداً بالجادة خمسة عشر إن كان في خمسة عشر الأرض عدسة ، الفرش طراريح إسفنج فقط ، الجلايل خام أبيض ، في سعادة ، في مودة ، في رحمة ، هذا البيت جنة . وتدخل إلى بيت فرشه مكلف مليون ، وثمنه مليونين ، وجميع الأجهزة الكهربائية من دون استثناء ، وهذا البيت قطعة من جهنم .
سر الزواج الوفاق بين الزوجين ، وأبشع ما في الزواج أن يكون الخصام والنكد . تلقى البنت تنشأ على النكد ، البنت تشرب من أمها ، إذا زُوجت هذه الفتاة تكون علاقتها بزوجها سيئة ، لأنها رأت علاقة أمها بأبيها ، وإذا كانت العلاقة طيبة بين الأم والأب ، أغلب الظن بأن زواج البنات ناجح ؛ لأنك ترى المودة والرحمة والتسامح واللطف والاعتذار تتعلم من أمها ، فالإنسان إذا خطب الأهل لا يكون مخطئ إذا أصر على معرفة طبيعة العلاقة في هذا البيت بين الزوجين ؛ هل هناك تسامح ، هل هناك مودة ؟ هل هناك احترام ؟ هل هناك شقاق ؟ خصام ؟ نكد ؟ إغاظة ؟ إذا تزوج إنسان ابنة بيت فيه خصام أغلب الظن أنه لا يرتاح .
إذاً هذا أمر قطعي ، أنا أريد أن أوضح ذلك ، إذا قال الزوج : لا أريد أن تدخل فلانة إلى بيتي .. لكن أنا سأهمس في أذن الأزواج إياك أن تستخدم هذا الحق في منع الزوجة أن ترى أهلها . لا أسمح لأمك أن تدخل بيتي . لا هذا فيه ظلم ، هذه أمها ، يعني إن قلت ذلك ووقع منك يميناً معظم ، فكأن الطلاق صار بيد الزوجة ، كانت تخاف منك ، فصرت تخاف منها ، فإذا سمحت لأمها بدخول البيت وقعت طلقة . لا ينبغي أن تسخدم هذا الحق استخدام تعسفياً ، بالقوانين مادة تقول : التعسف في استعمال السلطة . يعني مثلاً موظف في دائرة وموظف آخر في دائرة الأول أعلى من الثاني ، لم يرض الثاني أن يتواطأ مع الأول لكسب حرام ، فأمر بنقله إلى محافظة نائية ، نقول : إن هذا النقل تعسفي ، لم يُقصد منه المصلحة العامة ، لكن القصد الكيد والإبعاد. كذلك الزوج أعطاه الله صلاحيات ، كلا إنسان أعطاه الله صلاحيات لا ينبغي أن يستخدمها بشكل تعسفي .
يعني إذا رسول الله قال للمرأة : إذا صلت المرأة خمسها ، وصامت شهرها وأطاعت زوجها ، دخلت جنة ربها ، لا ينبغي لهذا الزوج أن يستخدم هذه السلطة بشكل تعسفي .
الإنسان العاقل دائماً يجعل مجال كبير جداً للمودة .
أحبب حبيبك يوماً ما عسى أن يكون بغيضك يوماً ما ، وأبغض بغيضك يوماً ما عسى أن يكون حبيبك يوماً ما .
يعني أهل الزوجة لا ينبغي أن يعادي الرجل أهل زوجته ، صار في مشكلة يعاتب عاتب عتاب لطيف فقط . أما يقيم النكير ، ويسب ويبهدل ، ويخبط أبواب ويطردهم . أنت ما أبغضتهم هوناً ما ، أبغضتهم بالمبالغة ، فكأنك قطعت حبال المودة .
الإنسان علامة عقله الراجح اعتدالة ، علامة عقله الراجح أنه معتدل في انفعالاته معتدل في تصرفاته ، معتدل في كلامه . يعني إذا دخل إلى البيت فوجد شيء لا يعجبه قال والله إذا شيء وقع مرة ثانية أريد أن أزعل ، .. شيء جميل ، أريد أن أزعل معقول الكلام أما أريد أن أطلق . فوقعت مرة ثانية بمشكلة ، أحرجت أنت إن ما طلقت لم يعد لكلامك قيمة وإن طلقت خربت بيتك ، لا تقل أريد أن أطلق . إن وقعت مرة ثانية يعني بدي أزعل ، بدي أعمل شيء ما بتنسري منه ، ما هذا الشيء ، هذا الشيء المخفي يخيف كثيراً .
واحد دخل إلى مطعم فقال : بتعشيني لما أعمل مثل ما صنع أبي المبارحة فخاف منه ، أن يكون أبوه مجرماً ، أو قاتل قتيل ، قال له: لا تعال أعشيك ، فصنع له عشاءً فخماً ، بعد أن انتهى قال له : دخلك ماذا صنع أبوك ؟ قال له : نام بلا عشاء .
فإذا واحد قال : إذا كان هذا الشيء يعاد بدي أعمل شغلة كبيرة كثير
ما هذه الشغلة ، الله يعلم ، هذا شيء واسع ، مفتوح ، أما حدد انحرجت ، بس تحدد انوضعت حاصروك ، ليش ما عملت هيك يا أخونا ، أنت هددت فاستخدموا تهديدك للسخرية ، قلت بدك اطلق ما طلقت شعك ، تفضل طلق . في أزواج ما عندهم حكمة الإنسان لا يحدد ، ولا يذكر عقوبات محددة ، يذكر عقوبات معممة ، لذلك قال الله تعالى :

[سورة النجم]
هذا اسمه في البلاغة إيجاز غني ، إذ يغشى السدرة ما يغشى ، لقد أصابني ما أصابني ، آلمني ما آلمني ، إيجاز ولكنه غني يحتمل معاني كثيرة .
أحياناً الإنسان يتخاصم مع سمان بجانبه ، يحلف يمين أن لا يشتري من عنده ، ثم يأتيه ضيف بعد أسبوعين ويريد كبريت ، والسمان فاتح والمحل بعيد كثيراً ، تقع بحرج ، إذا خاصمت السمان جارك قل له والله زعلتني ، إذا قلت له زعلتني فقط واضطررت أن تذهب إليه مرة ثانية ، ما بصير شيء ، لا احتقرك ، ولا تحداك ، ولا بصير شيء ، أما إذا قلت له والله ما عاد وقف عليك ، وكنت مضطر توقف عليه بتقع بحرج كبير .
الإنسان كلما ازداد عقله لا يحلف أيمان ، ولا يحدد عقوبات ، ولا يقيد نفسه أنت حر ابقى حراً . أنا ألاحظ أن معظم الكلمات تأتي من كلمة مرتجلة غير مدروسة ، لذلك يتمنى سيدنا عمر أن تكون له رقبة مثل رقبة الجمل ، الكلمة قبل أن ينطق بها تمشي مسافة طويلة ، يدرسها وهي تمشي ، تُحكى ، أو لا تحكى ، تجوز ما بتجوز ،في كلمة تهد علاقة تفصم علاقة كبيرة ، تفصم شركة كلمة واحدة ، في كلمة تطلق .

[سورة البقرة]
ولا تنسوا أن الله عز وجل يأمرنا جميعاً قال :

[سورة البقرة الآية 83]
أنت مأمور . أكثر الناس يظنون أن الأوامر هي الصلاة والصوم والحج والزكاة مع أنك لو دققت في كتاب الله لوجدت أن أي أمر في كتاب الله يقتضي الوجوب .

[سورة النحل]
أنت لست مخيراً ، أنت مأمور بالإحسان ؛ أخي ليس له حق عندي نعم ليس له حق عند هذا عدل ، والإحسان ؟ له حق عندك بالإحسان .
رجل طلق زوجته لأسباب قاهرة ، عاهد نفسه أن يقدم لها معاشاً شهرياً ما امتد به العمر ، لم يقصر ولا شهر ، يطرق الباب هذا المبلغ يكفيها ، الطلاق كان لأسباب مشروعة وقاهرة ، هذا إحسان ، أنت مأمور به . لذلك في بعض الآيات القرآنية تقول : حقاً على المحسنين حقاً على المتقين .
الآن إذا واحد من أهل الكرم ، من أهل الجود ، وشخص أكرمك كنت في مدينة وضيفك ، وأكرمك ، ونمت عنده ليلتين ، رجع هذا الشخص المضيف فزارك في بلدك ، يعني له عليك بالقضاء حق ينام عندك ، له عليك في القضاء حق أن تعشيه ، لكنك أنت كإنسان كريم تجد أنك مدين له ، ولا بد من أن تقابله على ضيافته بضيافة أكبر ، هذا حق على المحسن ، حق على المتقي ، حق على المؤمن ، فالإنسان لا يقول : ما له عندي حق ، أنت كمؤمن عندك حق كبير له عندك حق الإحسان ، ولو لم يكن له عندك حق ثابت .
هذه الآية تحل مليون مشكلة .
وما من إنسان يصلي الجمعة في المسجد إلا ويقرؤها الخطيب قبل أن ينزل :

والقصة المشهورة قلتها لكم سابقاً ، الذي وجد زوجته حامل ليس منه ، وتبوبها ، وسترها وأكرمها ، وجعلها زوجة طيبة ، إمام المسجد المجاور رأى في المنام رسول الله عليه الصلاة والسلام يقول له : قل لجارك فلان إنه رفيقي في الجنة .
يستطيع أن يطلقها ، من حقه ، لأنها أتت فاحشة ، يستطيع أن يفضحها ، لكنه توبها ، وقبلها ، وجبر خاطرها ، فقال له : إنه رفيقي في الجنة . لا تعاملوا الناس على العدل عاملوهم على الإحسان ، أنت أد ما عليك ، والناس يفعلون ما يشاءون ، إن قدموا لك حقك ما شي الحال ، وإن لم يقدموا فالله يعرف من المحسن .
لذلك في حديث كلما أذكره يقشعر بدني ، قال عليه الصلاة والسلام:
اصنع المعروف مع أهله ومع غير أهله ، فإن أصبت أهله أصبت أهله ، وإن لم تصب أهله فأنت أهله " .
أنت تتمتع به ، العمل الطيب فيه سعادة كبرى ، لا يعلمها إلا من ذاقها .
والحق الثاني الذي للزوج على الزوجة خدمة المرأة زوجها ، أساس العلاقة بين الزوج وزوجته هي المساواة بين الرجل والمرأة في الحقوق والواجبات ، وأصل ذلك في قوله تعالى :
انظر إلى الآية ما أدقها :
ولهن مثل الذي عليهن بالمعروف
يعني أنت تريد من زوجتك أن تتزين لك، هذا حقك ، ولها حق مشابه .
" تنظفوا واستاكوا وتزينوا ، فإن بني إسرائيل لم يفعلوا فزنت نساؤهم "
إن كان لك عليها هذا الحق ، فلها عليك مثل هذا الحق ، ربنا عز وجل يقول :

[سورة البقرة الآية 228]
بالمعروف يعني المألوف ، بيت معقول خدمته ، أما أحياناً تأتي الكنة على بيت ثمانية غرف وصالون ، الكل يرتاحوا ، وعليها المسح والجلي والطبخ ، والعزائم ، هذا شيء فوق طاقتها ، أما بيت غرفتين وصالون ، بيت معقول خدمته وطبخه ، أما تطبخ لعشرة أشخاص هناك أشخاص ليس عندهم إنصاف ، هذه كنة .
الدرجة هي القيادة فقط ، أنا أشبهها بالرتب العسكرية ، مثل عميد ولواء ، درجة واحدة بينهما ، لكن ليس مجند ولواء . درجة واحدة هذا له رتبة ، وهذا له رتبة ، هذا له معاش ضخم ، وهذا له معاش ضخم هذا له مكتب فخم وهذا له مكتب فخم لكن هذا آمر هذا هذا قائد اللواء هذا معاون قائد اللواء . فإذا صح أن يطرح هذا المثل في البيت المرأة لها حقوق مشابهة لحقوق الزوج ، وعليها واجبات ، مشابهة لواجبات الزواج ، وله عليها درجة واحدة .
فالآية تعطي المرأة من الحقوق مثل ما للرجل عليها ، فكلما طولبت المرأة بحق طولب الرجل بمثله . فكأن النبي الكريم استنباطاً من قوله تعالى :

[سورة الأحزاب الآية 33]
هذه أصل من أصول النظام الاجتماعي ، المرأة متفرغة لخدمة زوجها وأولادها والزوج متفرغ لتأمين نفقات هذه الأسرة وحسن قيادتها . لذلك في المجتمعات المستهترة المنحل خلقياً ، أرقى مرتبة تنالها امرأة أن يُكتب على هويتها سيدة منزل ، يعني متفرغة لتربية الأولاد .
الطيار إذا جلس في غرفته يكون محصور ، هذا مكانه الطبيعي مكان القيادة أيعد نفسه بغرفة الأجهزة والأدوات أنه محصور فيها لا محصور بمكان صغير يتضايق ، إذا وزع شرابات وكاتوا على الركاب أنشط ، كيف أنشط ؟ تسقط الطائرة.
فلما المرأة تخرج من بيتها من أجل أن تقوم بأعمال مشابهة للرجل ضاع البيت وضاع الأولاد ، ولما الرجل يكون باله مشوش مضطرب ؛ هل حضر ابنه ، أم لم يحضر فتح الباب ، دخل مع رفيقه إلى البيت ، صنعوا شيء ، مشوش . لا ينتج ، حتى الرجل ينتج إنتاج مضاعف ، وحتى المرأة تكون مصونة ، الأصل الذي جاء به القرآن الكريم :

[سورة الأحزاب الآية 33]
ولا يخطر في بال أحدكم أن هذه الآية موجهة لنساء النبي فقط إن كن مأمورات بأن يقررن في بيوتهن ، فنساء المؤمنين من باب أولى أن يوقرن في بيوتهن .
بعض الأحاديث الشريفة في توزيع العمل في البيت .
وقد حكم رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم بين علي كرم الله وجهه وبين فاطمة رضي الله عنها ، فجعل على فاطمة خدمة البيت ، وجعل على علي العمل والكسب .
لا يوجد أحد ابنته أشرف من السيدة فاطمة ، يعني صهره وبنته حكم على فاطمة بخدمة البيت ، وحكم على علي بالكسب والعمل ، هذا توزيع النبي الكريم .
وقد روى البخاري ومسلم أن فاطمة رضي الله عنها أتت النبي صلى الله عليه سلم تشكوا إليه ما تلقى في يديها ما تلقى من الألم وتسأله خادمة ، فقال : ألا أدلكم على ما هو خير لكما مما سألتما ؟ إذا أخذتما مضاجعكما فسبحا الله ثلاثاً وثلاثين ، واحمدا ثلاثاً وثلاثين وكبرا أربعاً وثلاثين فهو خير لكما من خادم .
يعني كأن النبي ما أحب أن يكون الإنسان عنده خادم في البيت ليس ما أحب للمؤمنين ؟ بل ما أحبها لابنته ، لو أعطى إشارة يأتيها مائة خادم ، مائة إنسان يخدمونها ولكن رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم لم يحب ذلك ، الإنسان يخدم نفسه ، ويكون أكثر تواضعاً ، وأكثر إرضاءً لله عز وجل ، وإن الله يكره العبد أن يُرى متميزاً على أقرانه منظر غير مقبول ، واحد مرتاح والثاني يعمل ، أما الزوج ليس مرتاح واصل هلكان ، واصل ليمونة معصورة ، ليس فيها شيء ، ليس مرتاح ، شاغل خارجاً ، في كل هم يهد جبل ، قد يكون عمل البيت أشق ، مسح ، جلي ، غسيل ، يجوز الرجل ذهب إلى المكتب ثلاث ساعات عرفان ما عنده هموم ، كل هم يجعله يفكر يبقى صفنان خمس ساعات في المكتب ، عليه دفع وما في بيع ، وسندات مستحقة ماذا يعمل ؟ تقول له : أنت لا تعمل شيئاً في المكتب جالس مرتاح ، لا ليس مرتاح . أحياناً الأعمال المادية أخف من الأعمال التي تصيب الهم في الإنسان .
وعن أسماء بنت أبي بكر رضي الله عنها أنها قالت : " كنت أخدم الزبير خدمة البيت كله (أسماء بنت أبي بكر زوجة الزبير بن العوام حواري رسول الله ، وعبد الله بن الزبير ابنها ، هذا الطفل الصغير الذي مر به سيدنا عمر في الطريق ورأى غلمان كثيرين فلما رأوه تفرقوا لهيبته إلا عبد الله بن الزبير بقي واقفاً في مكانه ، فلما حاذاه عمر قال له : يا غلام لمَ لم تهرب مع من هرب ؟ قال : أيها الأمير لست ظالماً فأخشى ظلمك ،ولست مذنباً فأخشى عقابك ، والطريق يسعني ويسعك) هذا عبد الله بن الزبير . وعن أسماء بنت أبي بكر رضي الله عنها أنها قالت : " كنت أخدم الزبير خدمة البيت كله وكان له فرس فكنت أسوسه وكنت أحش له ، وأقوم عليه ، وكانت تعلفه وتسقي الماء وتخرج الدلو ، وتعجن ، وتنقل النوى على رأسها من أرض له على ثلثي فرسخ .
تقوم بخدمة شاقة ، لها أجر كبير .
ففي هذين الحديثين ما يفيد بأن على المرأة أن تقوم بخدمة بيتها كما أن على الرجل أن يقوم بالإنفاق عليها .
وقد شكت السيدة فاطمة رضي الله عنها ، هذه التي قال عنها النبي صلى الله عليه وسلم قال : فاطمة بضعة مني ، من أكرمها فقد أكرمني ، ومن أغضبها فقد أغضبني "
وكل أب إذا عنده ابنة يشعر هذا الشعور نفسه ، يعني أغلى من البنت ما في لذلك الزوج إذا كان مخلصاً ، إذا كان مستقيماً إذا أكرم الزوجة ، فله مكانة عند الأب قد تزيد عن أولاده . الصهر غالي .
شكت السيدة فاطمة رضي الله عنها ما كانت تلقاه من خدمة ، فلم يقول الرسول صلى الله عليه وسلم لا خدمة عليها ، وإنما هي عليك . شكت له وما تكلم ولا كلمة ، عليها الخدمة .
قال ابن القيم : وهذا أمر لا ريب فيه ، لا يصح التفريق بين شريفة ودنيئة وفقيرة وغنية ، فهذه أشرف نساء العالمين كانت تخدم زوجها.
أنا والله ابنتي لا تخدم أحداً ، احضر لها خادمة ، من ابنتك ؟ أشرف من السيدة فاطمة ؟ لا . من أنت ؟ أعظم من رسول الله ؟ لا . هو رسول الله أبوها ، وهي ابنته وكانت تخدم زوجها .
يقول له أحضر لها جلاية ، كيف كان أجدادنا يعيشون ؟ ما كانوا فهمانين يعيشوا .
وجاء الرسول صلى الله عليه وسلم تشكوا الخدمة فلم يشكها ، أي لم يسمع منها دعواها مشطوبة ، غير مقبولة .
آخر موضوع تجاوز الصدق بين الزوجين ، العنوان قد يثير التباس يعني يكذبون على بعضهما ؟ لا . ولكن اسمعوا أي صدق يجب أن نتجاوزه بين الزوجين .
روي عن ابن أبي عذرة الدؤلي أيام خلافة عمر بن الخطاب رضي الله عنه ، أنه كان يخلع النساء اللاتي يتزوج بهن، فثارت له في النساء في ذلك أحدوثة يكرهها ، فلما علم بذلك أخذ بيد عبد الله ابن الأرقم حتى أتى به إلى منزله ثم قال لامرأته : أنشدك بالله هل تبغضينني (تكرهيني) قالت : لا تنشدني بالله (لاتحرجني) قال : فإنما أنشدك بالله ، قالت : نعم . فقال لابن الأرقم : أتسمع ، انطلق بنا إلى عمر بن الخطاب . فقال لعمر : إنكم تحدثون أن أظلم النساء وأخلعهن فاسأل ابن الأرقم ، فسأله فأخبره فأرسل إلى هذه المرأة وقال : أنت قلت إنك تبغضين زوجك ؟ قالت : إني أول من تاب ، إنه ناشدني (يعني حلفني بالله) فتحرجت أن أكذب ، أفأكذب يا أمير المؤمنين ؟ (أقول أحبه وأنا لا أحبه) قال : نعم تكذبي .
ليس هذا هو الصدق ، يعني أحياناً يكون زوج كريم ، ميسور الحال أخلاقه عالية مؤمن ، فيه علة بخَلقه يسأل زوجته أتحبينني ؟ لا أحبك ، لولا هالخمسين علة مثلاً . هذا ليس صدقاً ، هذا وقاحة .. قالت أأكذب ، قال : نعم تكذبي .
والعكس أحياناً يكون ، يعني نصيبه ، ليست كاملة ، فيها مجموعة علل ، شلون شايفني ؟ والله الحمد لله ، بالله فيني علة ؟ لا الحمد لله والله أنا مسرور منك كثيراً . أنت تكذب بهذا الكلام ، هذا الكذب يحبه الله ، هذا الكذب يرضاه الله عز وجل ، هذا الكذب أنت مأمور به ، هناك أزواج سبحان الله ما عندهم حكمة ، لو كنت على مثل فلانة . أذهب لها كل معنوياتها ، رأته لا يحبها ، فلما دخل إلى البيت ما لها لابسة ، يأسانة منك شو بلبسلك ، ما في أمل ، حاكي لها خمسين عيب فيها خلاص ، قامت اسمك من القائمة ، أما المؤمن لا يحكي هذا الكلام ، الحمد لله الله أكرمني فيكي ، ما في أحسن منك أنسب واحدة لي ، الله يخلي لنا إياك ، لا هذا الكلام حي خليلك إياها ولا إن حكيت العكس حتروح منك ، هذا بأمر الله عز وجل . هذا الموضوع دقيق جداً .
قالت : أأكذب يا أمير المؤمنين ؟ قال : نعم تكذبي ، فإن كانت إحداكن لا تحب أحدنا فلا تحدثه بذلك ، فإن أقل البيوت الذي يُبنى على الحب .
يعني كلمة بيت ، ما في بيت واحد مبني على حب صاعق ، يعني حب مجنون ليلى ، البيت مبني على التعامل بالإسلام ، على الإيمان على الرضا بقضاء الله ، على الرضا بما قسمه الله لك من زوجة وهي كذلك .
شوف الكلام دقيق .
فإن أقل البيت الذي يُبنى على الحب ، ولكن الناس يتعاشرون بالإسلام والأحساب .
في بنت أصل ، وفي ابن أصل ، ما يكسر خاطرها ، وبنت الأصل ما بتذم زوجها ، خلاص هذا نصيبها . زوجك صحته زيادة ، قولي له يخفف وزنه . ماهذا الكلام ؟ أتكرهها فيه . في أشخاص كثيرون كلامهم ثقيل ، يدجها ويروح ينام بيخرب الدنيا .
فإن أقل البيت الذي يُبنى على الحب ، ولكن الناس يتعاشرون بالإسلام والأحساب .
كل إنسان يعمل بأصله ، الأصيل لا يحرج امرأته ، لا يحمر وجهها لا يخجلها لا ييأسها منه ، وبنت الأصل لا تزم زوجها ، هذا الحديث دقيق جداً ، وله آثار كبيرة مسموح للزوج يكذب على زوجته تقرباً لها ، تطيباً لقلبها ، ومسموح للزوجة تكذب على زوجها تطيباً لقلبه وإكراماً له .
وفي درس قادم إن شاء الله تعالى نتحدث عن إمساك الزوجة بمنزل الزوجية وعن الانتقال بالزوجة يعني السفر بها ، ومنع الزوجة من العمل ، وخروج المرأة لطلب العلم وتأديب الزوجة عند النشوز ، وتزين المرأة لزوجها ، هذه كلها موضوعات الدروس القادمة إن شاء الله تعالى .

* * * *
والآن إلى بعض الأحاديث الشريفة :
لأن أحاديث كثيرة تبدأ بكلمة إنما .
يعني إذا قلت إنما شوقي شاعر . إذا قلت شوقي شاعر ماذا تعني باللغة ؟ المعنى الدقيق لها أنه شاعر ، هل يمنع أن يكون كاتب ؟ لا هل يمنع أن يكون حقوقي ؟ لا كان حقوقياً هو ، هل يمنك أن يكون مثلاً تاجراً ؟ لا . إذا قلت شوقي شاعر معناها شاعر ، ولا يمنع أن يكون أديباً ، أو كاتباً ، أو قصصياً ، أو محامياً . إذا قلت : إنما شوقي شاعر . اختلف الوضع شاعر فقط ، يعني حصرنا شوقي بالشعر .
إذا قلنا : الشاعر شوقي . عكسناها ، يعني أيضاً شوقي شاعر . أما إذا قلنا إنما الشاعر شوقي ، يعني لا شاعر غيره . فكلما وجدنا كلمة إنما تعني أداة حصر وقصر فمثلاً .

[سورة فاطر الآية 28]
معناها العلماء وحدهم يخشون الله ، إذا قلنا العلماء يخشون الله لا تمنع أن يخشى الله بعض الجهال ، قلنا العلماء يخشون الله لا يمنع أن يخشى الله غير العلماء ، أما إذا قلنا : إنما يخشى الله من عباده العلماء . يعني العلماء وحدهم ، ولا أحد سواهم يخشى الله .
هذا هو القصر .
" سَهْلِ بْنِ سَعْدٍ قَالَ اطَّلَعَ رَجُلٌ مِنْ جُحْرٍ فِي حُجَرِ النَّبِيِّ صَلَّى اللَّهم عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ وَمَعَ النَّبِيِّ صَلَّى اللَّهم عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ مِدْرًى يَحُكُّ بِهِ رَأْسَهُ فَقَالَ لَوْ أَعْلَمُ أَنَّكَ تَنْظُرُ لَطَعَنْتُ بِهِ فِي عَيْنِكَ إِنَّمَا جُعِلَ الِاسْتِئْذَانُ مِنْ أَجْلِ الْبَصَرِ " .
[متفق عليه]
طيب ما حكمة (يا الله) ما حكمة طرق الباب ، لو إنسان باب صديقه مفتوح أله حق أن يدخل فوراً ؟ لا يجوز ، طيب ما العلة النظر ، لما ينظر الإنسان إلى زوجة صديقه فقد أتى إثماً كبيراً ، الإنسان في بيته حر ، يتحلل من الثياب أحياناً ، يتبذل في بيته ، المرأة تطبخ تجلي تشرع غسيل بلباس خفيفه ، بألبسة غير سابلة ، حرة في بيتها مادام بيتها غير مكشوف مستور . فلما يكون الاستئذان موجود معناها من أجل البصر .
هناك أشخاص كثيرون ، يدخلون إلى غرفة في المستشفى أخي نريد أن نزور صديقنا ، طيب صديقك زوجته عنده ، يجب أن تطرق الباب أخي هون مستشفى كمان بدا استئذان ، أين ما كان يجب أن تستأذن .. السلام عليكم أأدخل ، السلام عليكم أأدخل ، فإن قيل لك ادخل تدخل وإلا انتظر ، وإلا انصرف . إنما جعل الاستئذان من أجل البصر ، حتى لا تقع عينك على امرأة لا تحل لك . لكن علماء الحديث وسعوا هذا الحديث ، قال : ليس من أجل المرأة فقط حتى من أجل الرجل .
واحد أحياناً يكون في بيته جالس بقميص شيال مثلاً ممكن ، لا مؤاخذ في بيته أو بمحل مثلاً ، وبالمحل له غرفة داخلية يعزل المحل ، متخفف من ثيابه ، يجب أن تطرق الباب ، لو كان مستودع داخلي ، انقر نقرتين على الباب ، أنا فلان ، لو كان رجل ، طبعاً هو المرأة أشد إثماً ، وأكثر حرجاً ، وأكثر إيلاماً للزوج أن يراها الأجنبي ولكن لا يمنك هذا أن يكون من أجل الزوج أيضاً .
إِنَّمَا جُعِلَ الِاسْتِئْذَانُ مِنْ أَجْلِ الْبَصَرِ ..
لذلك علمنا عليه الصلاة والسلام أن إذا طرقنا باباً أن نعطي ظهورنا للباب أولاً وأن نقف بإزاء المصراع الثابت ، في مصراع متحرك ومصراع ثابت ، أول شيء نعطي ظهرنا للباب وفي حذاء المصراع الثابت ، في أشخاص عجر ،يقف مواجه الباب ، وعلى الباب المتحرك يُفتح الباب رأى لداخل البيت . هكذا أدبنا عليه الصلاة والسلام .
حديث آخر وأخير :
يقول عليه الصلاة والسلام :
" إنما الدين النصح " . فقط
تنصح زبائنك دين ، لا تنصحهم لست ديناً ولو تصلي مائة ركعة كل يوم ، لو عامل ثلاثا وعشرين عمرة ، خير إن شاء الله ، لو حاجج ثمان مرات ، لو تصوم اثنين وخميس ، وستة أيام البيض ، وعاشوراء ، ونصف شعبان ، وسبع وعشرين رجب ، لو تصلي قيام الليل ، والأوابين ، والضحى ، وكل ما شفت حالك فاضي ، وما تنصح زبائنك لست ديناً . إنما ..
" إنما الدين النصح " . يجب أن تنصح زبونك ، وكأن الحاجة لك هل تأخذها أنت أنا لا آخذها ، ولكنها رخيصة ، هذه فيها عيب .

[سورة النور]
لما فهموا الدين النصح فتحوا العالم ، ولما فهمناه صوم وصلاة وحج وزكاة فقط تلك الله يعفو عنا ، يقول لك : أخي الله يسامحنا نحن عبيد إحسان ، ولسنا عبيد امتحان ، يقول لك : الله قال :

[سورة يوسف]
يحكي لك كلام من القرآن ، يفعل ما يشاء ، يغش ، ويكذب ويغير الحقائق ، أما عندما يؤذن الظهر ، يقول : أخي بالإذن أريد أن أصلي ما هذه الصلاة ؟ إن راحت أو ما راحت الصلاة مثل بعضها ، لما تغش الناس بمصالحهم ، وتكذب عليهم .
أحياناً عامل البللور يضع للبلور بسمار بسمار في كل جهة فقط ، أحياناً يضرب الباب ضربة قوية فينكسر البللور ، ثمنه خمسين ليرة .
حتى يوفر دقيقة واحدة دفعك خمسين ليرة ، ويصلي .
والله حكى لي أخ عن دهانين شركاء ، واحد له لحية ، والصلاة بالجامع ، والله شيء جميل ، أنعم بها وأنعم به ، ولكن صاحب البيت قال لهم : أنا مشغول ، وهذا المفتاح دهنوا البيت ، أنا واثق بكم .
الشريك الأول ليس له مظهر ديني ولكنه ورع ، قال له : في تلفون بهذا البيت إذا لزمني أن أخبر زوجتي هل عندك مانع ؟ قال : لا والله مسامح ، خبر على حسابك بقدر ما تريد . الثاني الذي له لحية خبر مخابرة إلى السعودية ثلاثمائة وخمس وخمسين ليرة فيها ، قال أما هو قال لنا خبروا ، أهو قال لك خبر مخابرة خارجية ؟ قال : خبر مخابرة داخلية سمح لك قال له : أريد أن أقول له ، قال : لا تقول له ما فيها شيء . فكوا الشركة من هذا العمل ، فكوا الشركة قال له : أنت لست إنسان مستقيماً ، إذا أنت زيك ديني ، والفاتورة جاءت ثلاثمائة وخمس وخمسين ، ماذا يقول على دينك ؟ أهكذا المسلم ؟ غدار ؟ . دهنت البيت أخذت أجرة مضاعفة بهذه الطريقة .
فأنا قناعتي أن الدين بالاستقامة ، ليس بالمظهر ، مع أن المظهر أنعم به وأكرم أنا أحترم المظهر ، ليس معناها أنا أطعن بالمظهر لكن مظهر من دون مخبر ليس له قيمة . إذا واحد لقى فولة فاضية بصير معه خيبة أمل ، أو في مرة واحد كان طفل بسوق الحميدية أصلحه الله وهداه ، يكنس المحل ، يجمع الغبرات ، يحضر علبة جرابات ثقيلة ، يضعهم فيها ويلفهم بورق هدايا ، شريطة حمراء يضعها على الرصيف . يأتي رجل يراها يظنها واقعة من شخص يأخذها وينظر حوله هل أحد يراه ؟ . ثم يتتبعه ، وعندما يبعد مئتي متر ويفك الشريطة الحمراء ، ثم يفك يراها وسخاً .
في شخص تراه مظهره فخم جداً ، افتحه تراه أعوذ بالله ، غشاش آكل مال حرام لا يؤتمن ، كذاب . الدين مخبراً وليس مظهراً .
" إنما الدين النصح " .
في أحاديث بروايات أخرى :
" إِنَّمَا الدِّينُ النَّصِيحَةُ قَالُوا لِمَنْ يَا رَسُولَ اللَّهِ قَالَ لِلَّهِ وَلِكِتَابِهِ وَلِرَسُولِهِ وَلِأَئِمَّةِ الْمُسْلِمِينَ وَعَامَّتِهِمْ " .
[أخرجه مسلم والنسائي وأبو داود وأحمد]
* * * *

والآن إلى قصة صحابي جليل رضوان الله عليه :
غريب لو قرأت النصوص القديمة ، قال جعفر بن أبي طالب للنجاشي : " كنا قوماً أهل جاهلية ، نعبد الأصنام ، ونأكل الميتة ونأتي الفواحش ، ونسيء الجوار ، ويأكل القوي منا الضعيف ، ونقطع الرحم ، حتى بعث الله فينا رجلاً نعرف صدقه ، ونسبه ، وأمانته وعفافه ، فدعانا إلى الله لنعبده ، ونوحده ، وندع ما يعبد آباءنا من الحجارة والأوثان ، وأمرنا بصدق الحديث ، وأداء الأمانة ، وصلة الرحم ، وحسن الجوار (ما حكى عن الصلاة ، هذه الصلاة وسيلة ليست غاية ، الغاية أن تكون إنساناً شريفاً ، مؤتمناً ، صادقاً ، ورعاً لذلك ركعتان من ورع خير من ألف ركعة من مخلط . ومن لم يكن له ورع يصده عن معصية الله إذا خلى ، لم يعبأ الله بشيء من عمله.
لذلك قال تعالى :
فَلَا نُقِيمُ لَهُمْ يَوْمَ الْقِيَامَةِ وَزْنًا . .
[سورة الكهف من الآية 105]
هؤلاء الذين يعصون الله في السر ، ويعبدونه في العلانية لا شأن لهم عند الله .
ضيفنا اليوم الصحابي الجليل أبو طلحة الأنصاري ، وله قصة مثيرة عرف زيد ابن سهل النجاري المكنّى بأبي طلحة أن الرميصاء بنت ملحان النجارية ، المكناة بأم سليم قد غدت أيماً ، يعني مات زوجها فاستطار فرحاً بهذا الخبر ، ولا غرو ، فقد كانت أم سليم سيدة حصاناً رزاناً ، راجحة العقل ، مكتملة الصفاة . يظهر أنها إنسانة ممتازة ، يعني درجة أولى كمالاً وصلاحاً ، كمال في العقل ، وصلاح في الشكل .
فعزم على أن يبادر إلى خطبتها قبل أن يسبقه إليها أحد من الذين يمحون إلى أمثالها من النساء ، وكان أبو طلحة على ثقة من أن أم سليم لن تؤثر عليه أحداً من طالبها ـ كان واثقاً من نفسه ، يظهر أنه من وجهاء المدينة ، ومن أغنيائها ـ فهو رجل مكتمل الرجولة مرموق المنزلة ، طائل الثروة ، وهو إلى ذلك فارس ، وأحد رماة يثرب المعدودين .
مضى أبو طلحة إلى بيت أم سليم ، وفيما هو في بعض طريقه تذكر أن أم سليم قد سمعت من كلام هذا الداعي المكي مصعب بن عمير فآمنت بمحمد واتبعت دينه . هو في الطريق قال لنفسه لكنها أسلمت يعني هذا شيء كأنه عيب صار فيها .
سيدنا رسول الله قبل أن يهاجر بعث إلى المدينة مصعب بن عمير يدعو إلى الدين الجديد ، وآمن من آمن من الأنصار مع هذا الصحابي الجليل قبل أن يأتي النبي إلى المدينة . لكنه ما لبث أن قال في نفسه : وما في ذلك عناء ، ألم يكن زوجها الذي توفي عنها مستمسكاً بدين آبائه ، نائياً بجانبه عن محمد ودعوته .
بلغ أبو طلحة منزل أم سليم ، واستأذن عليها ، فأذنت له وكان ابنها أنس حاضراً فعرض نفسه عليها ، فقالت : إن مثلك يا أبا طلحة لا يُرد ، لكني لن أتزوجك وأنت كافر ـ انظروا دقة الكلام ، كلام مثل الرياضيات ـ لم تقل لن أتزوجك لأنك كافر . لا ، وأنت كافر معناها إذا آمنت أتزوجك ، الواو الحالية ، لن أتزوجك على هذه الحال ، إعراب الجملة حالية والواو واو الحال . لن أتزوجك وأنت رجل كافر . فظن أبو طلحة أن أم سليم تتعلل عليه بذلك يعني هذه حجة غير صحيحة ، وأنها قد آثرت عليه رجل آخر أكثر منه مالاً وأعز نفراً . فقال لها : والله ما هذا الذي يمنعك مني يا أم سليم .
قالت : وما الذي يمنعني إذاً ؟
قال : الأصفر والأبيض .
العوام يقولون ، والله لا أخذنا منه لا أصفر ولا أبيض . الأصفر يعني لا فضة ولا ذهب .
قالت : الذهب والفضة ؟
قال : نعم .
قالت : بل إني أشهدك يا أبا طلحة ، وأشهد الله ورسوله ، أنك إن أسلمت رضيت بك زوجاً من غير ذهب ولا فضة ، وجعلت إسلامك لي مهراً .
حتى أؤكد لك أن سبب رفضي أنك كافر ، لو أسلمت لرضيت بإسلامك مهراً لي .
فما إن سمع أبو طلحة كلام أم سليم ، حتى انصرف ذهنه إلى صنمه الذي اتخذه نفيس الخشب ، وخص به نفسه كما كان يفعل السادة من قومه ، لكن أم سليم أرادت أن تطرق الحديد وهو ما زال حامياً ـ كما يقولون ـ فقالت له : الست تعلم يا أبا طلحة أن إلهك الذي تعبده من دون الله قد نبت من الأرض ؟ قال : بلا .
قالت : أفلا تشعر بالخجل وأنت تعبد هذا الجذع من الشجرة ؟ جعلت بعضه إلهاً بينما جعل غيرك بعضه الآخر وقوداً يصطلي به .
شجرة قسم صنعته أنت إلهاً وقسم جعله غيرك حطب .
إنك إن أسلمت يا أبا طلحة رضيت بك زوجاً ، ولا أريد منك صداقاً غير الإسلام .
قال : ومن لي بالإسلام ؟
قالت : أنا لك به .
قال : وكيف ؟
قالت : تنطق بكلمة الحق ، فتشهد أن لا إله إلا الله ، وأن محمداً رسول الله ، ثم تمضي إلى بيتك فتحطم صنمك ، ثم ترمي به .
فانطلقت أسارير أبي طلحة وقال : اشهد أن لا إله إلا الله ، وأشهد أن محمداً رسول الله .
يعني الله أعلم فرح بها زوجة فأسلم ، ما شي الحال .
ثم تزوج من أم سليم ، فكان المسلمون يقولون ما سمعنا بمهر قط كان أكرم من مهر أم سليم .
أكرم مهر ، فقد جعلت صداقها الإسلام .
منذ ذلك اليوم انضوى أبو طلحة تحت لواء الإسلام ووضع طاقاته الفذة كلها في خدمته ، فكان أحد السبعين الذين بايعوا رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم بيعة العقبة ، ومعه زوجه أم سليم . وكان أحد النقباء الاثني عشر الذين أمرهم النبي صلى الله عليه وسلم في تلك الليلة على مسلمي يثرب .
جعله أمير .
ثم إنه شهد مع رسول الله مغازيه كلها ، يعني بدر ، وأحد ، والخندق ، وأبلى فيها أشرف البلاء وأعزه ، لكن أعظم أيام أبي طلحة مع رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم إنما هو يوم أحد . وهاكم خبر ذلك اليوم .
أحب أبو طلحة رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم حباً خالط شغاف قلبه ، وجرى مجرى الدم من عروقه ، فكان لا يشبع من النظر إليه ولا يرتوي من الاستماع إلى عذب حديث ، وكان إذا بقي معه جثا بين يديه وقال له : نفسي لنفسك الفداء ، ووجهي لوجهك الوقاء فلما كان يوم أحد انكشف المسلمون عن رسول الله فنفذ إليه المشركون من كل جانب ، حتى إن المرجفين أرجفوا بأن محمداً صلى الله عليه وسلم قد قتل ، فزداد المسلمون وهناً على وهن وأعطوا ظهورهم لأعداء الله.
صار في تولي .
عند ذلك لم يثبت مع رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم غير نفر قليل في طليعتهم أبو طلحة . قالوا : انتصب أبو طلحة أمام رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم كالطود الراسخ بينما وقف النبي عليه الصلاة والسلام خلفه يتترس به ، يعني جعل نفسه ترس لرسول الله .
ثم وتر أبو طلحة قوسه التي لا تفل ، وركب عليها سهامه التي لا تخيب ، وجعل ـ هو أحد الرماة الكبار ، بالأساس هو كان رامياً من رماة معدودين ـ وجعل يذود بها عن رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم ويرمي جنود المشركين واحداً إثر واحد ، وكان النبي عليه الصلاة والسلام يتطاول من خلف أبي طلحة ، ليرى مواقع سهامه ، فكان يرده خوفاً عليه ويقول له : بأبي أنت وأمي لا تشرف عليهم فيصيبوك .
عامل حاله ترس . ويصيب ، رسول الله أحب أن يرى السهام ما مصيرها ، هل تصيب ؟
وكان عليه رضوان الله يقول : إن نحري دون نحرك ، وصدري دون صدرك جُعلت فداك يا رسول اله ، وكان الرجل من جند المسلمين يمر برسول الله ومعه الجعبة من السهام ، فيميل عليه النبي ويقول له : انثر سهامك بين يدي أبي طلحة ، ولا تمضي بها .
ولا زال أبو طلحة ينافح عن رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم حتى كسر ثلاث أقواس ، وقتل ما شاء أن يقتل من جنود المشركين ، ثم انجلت المعركة ، وسلم الله نبيه وصانه بصونه .
يعني هذا موقف لا يُقدر بثمن ، أن جعل من نفسه ترس لرسول اله وقال : نفسي دون نفسك ، ونحري دون نحرك جعلت فداك .
وكما كان جواداً بنفسه في سبيل الله ، وفي ساعات البأس فقد كان أكثر جهاداً بماله في مواقف البذل . من ذلك أنه كان له بستان ، من نخيل وأعناب لم تعرف يثرب بستاناً أعظم منه شجراً .
ولا أطيب ثمراً ، ولا أعذب ماءً ، وفيما كان أبو طلحة يصلي تحت أفيائه الظليلة أثار انتباهه طائر غرد ، أخضر اللون ، أحمر المنقار مخضب الرجلين . طائر جميل جداً وهو يصلي نظر إليه . وقد جعل يتواثب على أفنان (الأفنان الأغصان) الأشجار طرباً مغرداً متراقصاً ، فأعجبه منظره ، وسبح بفكره معه ،ثم ما لبث أن رجع إلى نفسه فإذا هو لا يذكر كم صلى . كم ركعة ، اثنتين أم ثلاثة ، ثلاثة أم ركعتين لا يدري .
فما إن فرغ من صلاته حتى غدا على رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم وشكا له نفسه التي صرفها البستان، وشجره الوارف ، وطيره الغرد عن صلاته ثم قال : اشهد يا رسول الله أنني جعلت هذا البستان صدقة لله تعالى .
لأنه شغله عن الصلاة ، هل أحدنا إذا رأى شغلة في البيت وأعجبته وما عرف كم ركعة صلى ، أيقدمها لله هدية جزاءً عن شروده في الصلاة .
بستان واسع فيه أشجار مثمرة ، فيه خيرات ، لأنه شغله عن صلاته قدمه هدية لله عز وجل ، لشدة حرصه على الصلاة .
ويروون أن سيدنا رسول الله علمنا ، أهديت له بردة يمانية ، فصلى بها ركعتين ثم خلعها ، فقال خذوها عني كادت تفتنني عن صلاتي .
يعني بعضهم يقولون تعليماً لنا . الإنسان إذا التفت لغير الله في الصلاة كأنه ما صلى .
المسلمون عزموا على غزوة في البحر في خلافة عثمان بن عفان . أول غزة في البحر . إذا ذهبت إلى قبرص ترى جوامع في مدن قبرص كلها ، هذه الجوامع بفضل سيدنا عثمان رضي الله عنه الذي فتحها بحراً .
فأخذ أبو طلحة يعد نفسه للخروج مع جيش المسلمين فقال له أبناؤه: يرحمك الله يا أبانا لقد صرت شيخاً كبيراً ، وقد غزوت مع رسول الله وأبو بكر ، وعمر ، لم تفتك غزوة واحدة ، بدر وأحد والخندق ومؤتة ، والغزوات كلها ، وحنين ، ومع سيدنا الصديق ، حرب المرتدين ، وفتوح الشام ، والقادسية ، واليرموك ، ومع سيدنا عمر . يكفيك ، تقاعد . ما في تقاعد في الجهاد أيضاً .
يرحمك الله يا أبانا ، لقد صرت شيخاً كبيراً ـ بالمناسبة لا شيخوخة في الإسلام المسلم لا يشيخ أبداً ، عمره النفسي سبعة عشر ثمانية عشر على طول ، أما عمره الزمني يصير خمس وثمانون ممكن ، يشيخ جسمه ولا تشيخ نفسه ـ فهلا ركنت إلى الراحة وتركتنا نغزو عنك ، نحن أولادك ، نيابة عنك .
فقال : إن الله عز وجل يقول ـ اسمعوا كيف فهموا كلام ربنا عز وجل :

[سورة التوبة]
انظروا فهمه الدقيق لهذه الآية ، ما معنى خفاف ، الشاب خفيف الطفل ينط نط إن صعد الدرج خمسة خمسة يصعدهم ، وإن نزل على الدرابزين ، زحف ، بدقيقة يصبح تحت ، خفيف ، أما انظر الإنسان في الثلاثين درجة درجة ، بالسبعين ثمانين ، يضع رجله على الدرجة ويسحب الثانية إليها ، ثم يرتاح عشرة دقائق .
فربنا عز وجل قال :
انفِرُوا خِفَافًا وَثِقَالًا ..
فهو قد استنفرنا جميعاً شيوخاً وشباناً ، ولم يحدد لنا سناً ، سن معين ما في .
ثم أبى إلا الخروج .
وبينا كان الشيخ المُعَمَر أبو طلحة ـ المُعَمَر يصح ، والمُعمِر يصح إذا قلنا معمَر اسم مفعول عمره الله عز وجل ، إذا قلنا معمِر كان عمره طويلاً .
وبينما كان الشيخ المعَمَر أبو طلحة على ظهر السفينة مع جند المسلمين في وسط البحر ، مرض مرضاً شديداً فارق على إثره الحياة فطفق المسلمون يبحثون له عن جزيرة ليدفنوه فيها ، فلم يعثروا على مبتغاهم إلا بعد سبعة أيام ، وأبو طلحة مسجى بينهم لم يتغير فيه شيء كأنه نائم . وفي عرض البحر بعيداً عن الأهل والوطن ، نائياً عن العشير والسكن دُفن أبو طلحة .
أغلب الظن بجزر من جزر اليونان ، حول قبرص . وما يضيره بعده عن الناس مادام قريباً من الله عز وجل .
يعني إذا إنسان دفن بمدفنة العائلة لها بناء فخم ، ونوافذ عليها حديد وشاهدتين من أمام ومن وراء ، ويا أيتها النفس المطمئنة ارجعي إلى ربك راضية مرضية ، وكان آكل ربا ماذا استفاد ، وإذا دُفن باب صغير أو بالدحداح ، أو وضع له قبر صنعوا له مقام .. وإذا رجل كان الله راضياً عنه ودُفن في البحر لا مانع .
وماذا يضيره بعده عن الناس مادام قريباً من الله عز وجل .
هذا صحابي جليل أحب أم سليم ، وكيف تزوجها ، وكان مهرها الإسلام ، وكيف أنفق البستان بكامله ، وكيف جاهد ، وكيف وقف موقفاً من رسول الله ، يشهد له التاريخ . رضي الله عنه وأرضاه .
يعني أعلى لقب يحوزه إنسان في الدنيا ، ما في معه بورد ، يقول لك فلان معه بورد ، بالحرب العالمية يقول لك : فلان ماريشال . يعني أعلى رتبة عسكرية ، أعلى رتبة يحوزها إنسان أن يُقال بعد اسمه رضي الله عنه .
إذا رضي الله عن إنسان فقد سعد في الدنيا والآخرة .

* * * *

جاءني سؤال من أخت كريمة ، تقول : أنا طالبة من طالبات جامعة دمشق فرع الطب أريد فتوى بالنسبة لصيام شهر رمضان المبارك والامتحان على الأبواب ، فهل يجوز لي أن أفطره ، لأستطيع تقديم الامتحان ، ثم أصوم شهراً متتالياً بعد الفحص ، فما حكم ذلك فأنا في حيرة وقلق .
طبعاً هذا السؤال ربما يكثر وروده في هذه الأيام ، لأن فحوص الجامعة وفحوص الشهادتين الاعدادية ، والثانوية ، ولم تنج إلى الفحوص الانتقالية من رمضان .
ما سمعت في كتاب الله إجازة للإفطار إلا للمريض أو المسافر فإن كنتم مرضى أو على سفر ، يعني المرض والسفر عذران مقبولان عند الله ، لكن اسمعوا ماذا قال الله عن السفر والمرض .

[سورة البقرة من الآية 184]
يعني الذي يطيق الصيام في السفر إذا أفطر فعليه فدية ، ليس قضاءً فقط ، قضاء وفدية ، يعني إذا رجل ركب طائرة ذهب إلى فرنسا في رمضان ، والطائرة مكيفة ، وجالس على مقعد وثير ، يصير سرير إذا أحب ، ومن فندق مكيف إلى فندق مكيف ، وأفطر ، لأن الله قال :
فَمَنْ كَانَ مِنْكُمْ مَرِيضًا أَوْ عَلَى سَفَرٍ فَعِدَّةٌ مِنْ أَيَّامٍ أُخَرَ ..
قال :
وَعَلَى الَّذِينَ يُطِيقُونَهُ .. من يطيق الصيام مع السفر ، أو يطيق الصيام مع المرض ، يعني عنده دسك ، آلام في الظهر ، وآلام في الرجل ، لكن هذا لا علاقة له بالمعدة والطعام والشراب ، والأدوية كلها خارجية ، تسطيح على ظهره ، هذا يطيق الصيام مع المرض إذا أفطر فعليه إضافة إلى القضاء فدية . طعام مسكين .
قال :

إفطار يوم لا يعدله صيام الدهر كله ، لذلك نحن بتوفيق الله عز وجل ننصح الأخت الكريمة ونقول لها كما قال الله عز وجل .
وأن تصومي خير لك إن كنت تعلمين ، السبب الامتحان دقيق جداً إذا طالب آثر رضاء الله عز وجل وصام ، مليون طريقة في للتوفيق.
أحياناً الله عز وجل يلهم هذا الطالب فيقرأ بحث معين ، يقول لك عم أقرأه ، جاء رفيقه ، قال له : البحث قرأته ، قال : ما قرأته اقرأه . في اليوم الثاني جاء في الامتحان سؤال قد يأخذ علامة تامة ، إلهام من الله عز وجل ، هذا شيء بيد الله وحده ، فإذا راقب الله عز وجل إنساناً طالباً أو طالبة يصوم في رمضان ، في شهر الصوم والامتحان في هذا الشهر الله سبحانه وتعالى لا أقول أغلب الظن ، لئلا تجربوا الله لا يجرب ولا يُشارط ، لكن ما أعتقد طالب يصوم برمضان ويؤدي امتحان ويخفق في امتحانه إلا إذا ترك الأخذ بالأسباب ما درس إطلاقاً ، أنا حصوم وانجح ، لا تنجح بالصوم ، أما إذا درس وعمل جهده وصام برمضان أغلب الظن أن الله سبحانه وتعالى سيوفقه .
بالمناسبة ممكن للطالب برمضان ، ينام العصر بقدر ما يقدر ، يجبر نفسه على الاستلقاء ساعتين ثلاثة ، حتى يقدر بعد الإفطار إلى السحور أن يبقى يقظاً . إذا سهر من الإفطار إلى السحور وصلى الصبح ونام ساعتين ، استيقظ الساعة الثامنة ، ثم درس نشيط من الثامنة إلى الساعة الثانية عشر كاف ، أنت ما بتلحق من الإفطار تدرسهم ساعتين ، إذا من الإفطار إلى السحور ، وتنام من بعد صلاة الصبح إلى الساعة التاسعة ، ومن التاسعة إلى الساعة الواحدة دراسة كاف ، اعتمد الشراب شوي ، اشرب كمية كافية ، كول أكل يقيم بأودك يعني ، ممكن ، اعتمد الطعام والشراب ، واسهار طول الليل صحيح نشيط ما في عليك شي إذا كان العصر نمت ساعتين معناها بقدر تم للسحور قاعد ، وحاول بالسهرة حط مي شراب حر أنت وتقرأ من التسعة للساعة الثانية عشر ، أو وحدة كل يوم ، وبعد الظهر ترتاح نائم والله عز وجل لعله يكون التفوق في هذا الامتحان في رمضان ، الله عز وجل موجود شايف شايف شهر رمضان وفي امتحان ، ما بوفق يعني ، مو معقول ، معقول يوفق المفطر ، شو قولك ، المستخف بشهر الصيام . يعني قال النبي الكريم إذا استشير أحدكم فليشر ما هو صانع لنفسه ، بعيد عن موضوع فتوى رسمية وكيف الجواب تبعها ، ليس هذا عملي إطلاقاً ، لكن أنا لا أفطر ، لو كنت طالباً في رمضان لا أفطر ، وليكن ما يكون ، ولا يكون إلا الخير . ولا يكون إلا النجاح ، هذا الكلام مو بس للأخت الكريمة لكل طالب في الثانوية أو الكفاءة أو الجامعة ، هذا الجواب للجميع .

والحمد لله رب العالمين
* * *
Reply

YusufNoor
01-20-2010, 11:39 PM
:sl:

well, i just got home from the hospital! ;D

wrangled some meds out of 'em for free! :p

it's not looking too promising with the wife BUT i think i've figured out what is wrong after talking to her brother. he tried to explain to her that she should return but she flat out said no way!

i tried to entice her by letting her know i was gonna go to the ER, that didn't work either! :embarrass

but, In Sha'a Allah, i will call her this weekend as i am pretty sure why she doesn't want to leave. she's seeing a naturopath and not some freeky shaykh. i believe it has to do with her not being able to get pregnant and she wants to take this "treatment" without any breaks what soever. i think i can understand that in a good Muslimah! don't like it, but it would make sense. alot of sense actually....

:wa:
Reply

جوري
01-20-2010, 11:44 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by YusufNoor
:sl:

well, i just got home from the hospital! ;D

wrangled some meds out of 'em for free! :p

it's not looking too promising with the wife BUT i think i've figured out what is wrong after talking to her brother. he tried to explain to her that she should return but she flat out said no way!

i tried to entice her by letting her know i was gonna go to the ER, that didn't work either! :embarrass

but, In Sha'a Allah, i will call her this weekend as i am pretty sure why she doesn't want to leave. she's seeing a naturopath and not some freeky shaykh. i believe it has to do with her not being able to get pregnant and she wants to take this "treatment" without any breaks what soever. i think i can understand that in a good Muslimah! don't like it, but it would make sense. alot of sense actually....

:wa:

:sl:

al7mdlillah.. pls know that YOU CAN ALWAYS GET FREE MEDS IF YOU CAN'T AFFORD THEM. In fact that is one of the reasons the drug reps bring all those samples, but even the pharmaceutical companies themselves have programs that you can join.

Insha'Allah things will work out with your wife.. her problem is shared by many women, tell her not to lose hope and to keep patient..

I'll keep you both in my du3a insha'Allah.. pls also keep me in yours..

Jazaka Allah khyran

:w:
Reply

Hey there! Looks like you're enjoying the discussion, but you're not signed up for an account.

When you create an account, you can participate in the discussions and share your thoughts. You also get notifications, here and via email, whenever new posts are made. And you can like posts and make new friends.
Sign Up

Similar Threads

  1. Replies: 19
    Last Post: 09-27-2009, 07:00 PM
  2. Replies: 47
    Last Post: 09-24-2009, 07:07 AM
  3. Replies: 21
    Last Post: 10-02-2008, 08:14 PM
British Wholesales - Certified Wholesale Linen & Towels | Holiday in the Maldives

IslamicBoard

Experience a richer experience on our mobile app!