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AnonymousPoster
01-11-2010, 02:21 PM
I am a new revert and i am going through lot of problems

any one here who are going through same ? :cry:
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Insaanah
01-11-2010, 03:36 PM
Assalaamu alaikum wa rahmatulllah,

Firstly, Welcome to Islam, and praise be to Allah who guided you.

I am really sorry to hear that you are going through problems.

The period immediately after reversion can be difficult on many levels - socially with family and friends, job-wise, and monetarily. Also, there can appear to be so much to learn, and you can feel alone and lost with no one to turn to.

May Allah help you. Ameen.

There are many reverts on this forum who will have gone through the same and may share experiences.

Is it possible for you to anonymously post some of the problems, in case members who have gone through the same might be able to offer practical advice and help?

See also this website for new Muslims: http://www.muslimconverts.com/

This page deals specifically with reverts undergoing problems after conversion: http://www.muslimconverts.com/islam/newmuslimguide.htm

May Allah keep you steadfast, solve your problems, give you strength, and make things easy for you. Ameen.

Remember we are all here to help, in any small way we can.

Assalaamu alaikum
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Ğħαrєєвαħ
01-11-2010, 06:09 PM
Aslaamu alaaykum..
Welcome to Islaam! :)..
As the sister above said, it can be a hard time when reverting, SubhanAllaah.
May Allaah allmighty help you in the times of need, Ameen
Ask Allaah he will indeed help you and be patient :)
For patience does help a lot, its part of being a muslim, if this life was perfect there would be no life and no purpous.hm i hope you get what im trying to say lol my own personal view i guess. But there will be trials for everyone in the world.
May Allaah make it easy for you brother/sister.Ameen
He is the all Mercyful and the Most wise.
I hope i helped a little Insha`Allaah,
if i have said anything upsetting or bad forgive me :(...
Wa alaykum salaam:)
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abu_musab461
01-11-2010, 06:14 PM
problems make you draw closer to Allah swt and make you stronger....
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Snowflake
01-11-2010, 10:37 PM
:sl: May Allah grant you ease and reward your struggles. Ameen

Please share what kind of hardships you're facing. A problem shared is a problem halved inshaAllah. :)


:wa:
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Ğħαrєєвαħ
01-11-2010, 11:09 PM
Ameen to the duas :)
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AnonymousPoster
01-11-2010, 11:36 PM
Salamu Alaikum,

Am sorry to hear you are going through a difficult time. Yes i have now been a muslim for over 12yrs and i can totally understand where you are coming from. I would be lying if i said things will get easier quickly, everything has a timer and you are going through this journey faced with problems. Hey but we as muslims must have hope in Allah. If everything was good in our lives then we would not have any worries or problems and we probably not care about those who are suffering worst problems than us. You will get through this believe me you will look back in the future and ask yourself am glad i went through that period in my life it has helped me get closer to Allah and become a better muslim. Word of advice choose your company very carefully do not be fooled that all muslims you meet are good, caring, understanding trust me some are worst than non-muslim and they don't care about your feelings if they treated you badly. Some muslims are the best people you want to be around because they truely care about you and keep them close to you I personally prefer non-muslims as they don't judge you and accept you for who you are. Just follow the Quran and the Sunnah and you will not go wrong.

Please have hope and ask yourself this Allah chose me to come to the right path there was something which pleased Allah about you.

Allah does not burden a soul more than it can bear.


Ameen

Wasalam
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Asiyaah
01-12-2010, 12:10 AM
Salam, I'm a new revert and also am having a lot to struggle with also. Changing ones life is not easy. Becoming muslim is both exciting and lonely at the same time. Take small steps. Don't try to change your whole life over night. This will only discourage you when you can't keep it up. May Allah give you strength in your islamic journey.
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Hamza Asadullah
01-12-2010, 05:26 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by AnonymousGender
I am a new revert and i am going through lot of problems

any one here who are going through same ? :cry:
:sl: change in ones life will take time in order for adjustment. Take small steps and make sure that you find a good set of Muslim friends of the same gender.

Good friends will not judge you and will help and guide you towards the straight path. Whereas bad friends will not be there for you when you really need them and will drag you towards the wrong path.

So it is crucial that you find good and pious friends. You can find these in the Masjid or local community or get introduced to some through mutual friends. You should try and find a learned and pious Muslim who will be able to teach you what you need to know and help you in your journey.

Build a close connection with Allah and remember and glorify him as much as you can. When you have the help of Allah then nothing will ever effect you as you will have your FULL hopes, faith, trust and reliance in him.

We learn from our failures not our successes so be patient through this journe and thank Allah abundantly for guiding you to the truth and giving you what he has because he does not guide everyone. He only guides who he likes.

Build a close relationship with the Qur'an. Read its meanings and try to understand, ponder and contemplate over what Allah has written in the Qur'an and you will feel more amazing than you have ever felt!

Learn as much as you can. It is best if you join classes as that is the best way to learn and you will also meet like minded Muslims of whom you can also befreind. Knowledge is so important ai cannot stress that enough so learn learn learn!

I would really recommend this book which contains all of the basics of Islam and much more and is very easy to understand:

Islam Beliefs and Teachings


http://www.islamicbulletin.com/servi...ls.aspx?id=268



Here is some advice i found for you from reverts to Islam:



GENERAL ADVICE FOR NEW MUSLIMS FROM OTHER CONVERTS

The following are accounts from reverts who are giving advice to other reverts because they know the many trials a revert may go through! Please do not worry allah has blessed you out of many people and guided you to the truth and will help you along your journey inshallah! just make much dua to him because allah loves it that his slaves ask of him as much as possible! Please feel free to pass on to anyone else that you think may benefit. Please make dua for me!

Advice For New Muslims from Abdul-Lateef Abdullah (Steven Krauss)


Assalamualaikum new brother or sister!

Alhamdulillah that Allah has guided you to our blessed deen. Islam is truly
a blessing and we should all feel overwhelmed with gratitude to Allah for
guiding us to the straight path, the path of real success and peace.

My advice to you as a new Muslim is to find a teacher. In my year and a half
of being Muslim (I’m 28 years old), one of the most important experiences
for me has been the guidance and support of a very knowledgeable and pious
teacher. Islam is a not a religion of self-interpretation. It is a straight
path based on knowledge that must be acquired. It is a lifestyle that has to
be adhered to, and is unfortunately being influenced by many negative
elements, both within and outside Islam. Without a guide, it is difficult to
differentiate the truth of Islam from the created falsehoods that are being
propogated as Islamic teachings.

Although many new Muslims, especially in the US, choose to teach themselves
Islam through books, lectures and videos, there are many pitfalls to doing
this that should be avoided. Without a teacher or a guide, one armed with
the combination of knowledge and experience, the pitfalls of the ego and
desires can confuse and lead us astray quite easily. Self-teaching is a
western phenomenon, and because many of us are brought up in the west, we
assume we can apply our cultural norms to Islam as well. However, Islam is
not of the west, thus, these western norms cannot be applied to it with much
success.

For centuries, classical Islamic education was taught through direct contact
with teachers. This is how wisdom, not just knowledge, was acquired. You
cannot gain wisdom just from reading. Anyone can read and parrot, but how
many can read and apply in the way Allah intends? One of the problems with
the Muslim Ummah today is that there are too many of us reading and
parroting, but not enough applying in the way truly put forth by Allah and
His Messenger (SAW). Put simply, we have stopped learning from those with
knowledge and wisdom. We have stopped becoming students. One of the first
attributes Jabril (AS) (archangel Gabriel) said he would take from the world
by Allah’s command toward the end of time would be humility. This is a sign
of what Jabril (AS) was talking about. It takes humility to be a student and
to give our trust over to someone to teach us, which is why fewer and fewer
are willing to do it.

The easiest way to know the true akhlaq (character) of a teacher is to look
at how he lives. How does he live his life? Does he live the deen or just
talk about it? Does he say one thing and do another? Does he invite you into
his home and show you how to practice Islam, not just tell you? Does he make
five solats a day? These are some ways of knowing the authenticity and
genuineness of a teacher. Unfortunately, in this day and age, many people
claim to be sheikhs and imams, yet have very little knowledge or wisdom of
Islam. So don’t be fooled by titles in your search for a teacher.

I don’t mean to put fear into anyone’s heart on this matter. I have seen,
however, the importance of having guidance and the consequences of what
happens without it. How we learn and are indoctrinated into Islam will
greatly effect our appreciation for it, our love of it, our devotion to it,
and most importantly, our ultimate success or failure with Allah. Knowledge
with wisdom will make you LOVE Islam, not just blindly follow it. So I urge
you to go out and find a good teacher to help you along the path to Allah.
May Allah bless you and guide you further in your journey. Assalamualaikum!

Written by Abdul-Lateef Abdullah (Steven Krauss) , December 28, 2000 skrauss@community-impact.net

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Advice For New Muslims From Maria Hannon-Khattabi

Assalamu'alaikum,

The most valuable piece of advice I was given and will pass on is this: Educate yourself. Emerse yourself in Islamic education informally and formally when the chances come about (books, magazines, Internet, seminars, workshops, on-line learning, classes). If you hear something or read something that doesn't sit right with you, research the topic. Since Islam is from Allah and is the right path, every piece of it is logical and if something you hear or read seems lacking in common sense, it probably isn't right. Keep informed and never stop learning.

Written by Maria Hannon-Khattabi , January 11, 1999 Hannon@dmnh.org

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Advice For New Muslims From A Sister

Assalaamu alaykum! Peace be upon you!

The joy, exhilaration, and lifetime importance of accepting Islam can often be accompanied by a sense of being overwhelmed and unsure of how to best approach the new dimensions of one's life. So many details, one might think, so many books, so many rules. Look again: Islam is not an obscure, complicated religion. It is the natural religion, and as such, it is a way of life - there is no need to panic. There are, however, several things that will greatly facilitate the transition to an Islamic lifestyle:

(1) Venture, boldly or meekly, into a nearby muslim community so that you can enjoy the camaraderie and guidance of practicing muslims. Introduce yourself as a new revert and insha'allah, with some give and take, you will be welcomed into the ummah [muslim community]. If you find that you are uncomfortable amongst these people even after some time, don't hesitate to try and locate other muslims at another mosque, if such a luxury is available to you where you reside. Muslims are people, you will like some, love others, and so on. Don't get discouraged if you don't find a muslim soul mate immediately!

(2) Learn salat, the five-times-daily contact prayer. Learning the movements and Arabic words will be challenging at first, but with *practice* you will master it eventually, I promise! It always helps to have a friend to ask about the details, hence (1) above. There are numerous muslim books and websites to guide you through learning salat. Try to learn the basics first before you get caught up with trying to learn many dua'as [supplications] or surahs [verses] from the Qur'an. Keep it simple and regular and your faith and self-confidence will improve daily.

(3) Read the Qur'an. Try to get a widely accepted edition like the 'Abdullah Yusuf 'Ali Qur'an in Arabic with English translation and commentary. Read slowly, savor the words, but read by all means. It is the most important book you will ever come across.

As you are becoming settled in your new life as a muslim, things that at first seemed daunting will become simple, and you will soon be ready for new challenges. Read! Listen! Learn Arabic (if possible!) There is a wealth of wisdom just waiting to be discovered by you. And you, too, are waiting for it. So progress and enjoy!

Written January 15,1999

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Advice For New Muslims by Mona

Given that I have been having major problems with my parents regarding my reversion, the following advice is particularly suitable for other new muslims having problems with their non-muslim family members:

(1) It is very helpful and comforting to have a few muslim friends nearby in whom you can confide, ask questions of, and spend time with during the formative and often tumultuous initial period as a new muslim. Born muslims are generally honored and pleased to help you improve your faith by showing you the details that help you become a better muslim.

(2) Before you decide to announce your reversion to loved ones who are non-muslim, make sure you are ready for their response, whether it is pleasant or horrible. Being ready means many things: understanding the basics of practicing your faith, understanding the reasons behind actions demanded of you by Islam, and being able to reconcile unfortunate world events that are attributed to muslims with your own understanding of Islam and its inherent goodness, logic, and beauty.

(3) As hypocritical as it may be, many open-minded people cease to be open-minded when difficult issues such as religious conversion "hit home." People who are ordinarily rational, educated, and worldly unfortunately can swing 180 degrees when a person they love converts to a religion they do not appreciate or understand. It may be in your best interest, and in theirs, to not discuss your reversion to Islam until a year or two has passed and you feel comfortable in your faith. At that point, it would be obvious to them that Islam has not made you a worse or lesser person, and has in fact (hopefully!) noticeably improved you!

(4) Most importantly, remember that the best teaching is by example. If you want to help others overcome the stereotypes bound to Islam and lessen discrimination against muslims, be a model muslim! Remember to be tolerant, patient, giving, helpful, and peaceful with those around you, be they muslim or not. Be open to questions regarding your new faith, but do not feel compelled to answer questions to which you do not (yet) know the answers. Get involved in your ummah, mind your prayer, and with time, everything will become easier for you.

Written by Mona August 5, 1998

Please drop Mona a line. Her e-mail address is: mona@physchem.ox.ac.uk

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Advice to new Muslimas by Judi Muhammad, MA, LLP, PhD Candidate; Vice President/ Clinical Director Islamic Health & Human Services, Detroit, MI
AsSalaamuAlaykum (Peace be upon you)

It feels like I have been Muslim all of my life. In actuality, I probably was - underneath. But, for most of my life (50 years) I was Christian. I was raised Catholic and converted to a fundamental Christian religion, The Salvation Army, in my 30s and remained there until Allah (SWT) rescued me at age 50. AlHamdullillah!!

For many years I taught psychology and philosophy in college. In that teaching, and in my own education, I came to believe many concepts and philosophies things that did not fit with my religion. But, I accepted that there would be differences and that was OK. One of the things I knew was that while the Christian religion taught that I was (1) born in the image of God (on one hand) and (2) born in sin (on the other) - both were not possible. The first thing I heard about Islam was that we are born good.

In succeeding years, fitrah has become a favorite topic of my reading. All of my reading has proven that what I always believed in my heart was true - that man is born good and his propensity is to live within the Will of Allah.

I spent the first 8 months in Islam single - and when I did marry I was truly blessed with a good Muslim husband. I learned more in the first 1 month of my marriage to him than I had in the 8 months I tried to learn on my own. Always, however, my husband told me that, "Islam is a process. You are responsible for what you learn as you learn it. Worry about the ‘big' things - not the little things."

Some of the most important things I have learned are:

That I was always Muslim in my heart - that not all practice Islam the same but anyone who calls themselves "Muslim" is treated by me as Muslim - that Sisters make WONDERFUL friends ( too bad I waited so late in my life to learn that) - that being obedient to my husband has more benefits than I could have ever imagined - that women are more respected in Islam than anyone who is not a Muslimah would possibly imagine - and that the "Peace that passeth all understanding" is not a Christian reward - it is an Islamic reality.

The most important advice I can give a new Muslimah is: Allow Allah to chose your husband - make Istikharah and trust that you will learn the truth from it Do not worry about changing those around you - worry about changing yourself , into the best Muslim you can be - Allah will take care of the rest Search for legitimate Scholars - not everyone knows enough to teach you the truth When you marry, trust your husband and look to him to teach you Islam - it is his job Enjoy obedience to your husband - it will bring rewards in heaven but also on earth!!

Become friends with Sisters who are like you want to become.

May Allah bless you and make your Islamic journey as peaceful as mine.

Written by Judi Muhammad August 3, 1998

Please drop Judi a line. Her e-mail address is: SMuslim@aol.com

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FROM JIM (NASIR) who Embraced Islam Sat, 11 Apr 1998 at the ripe young age of 68

Assalamu'alaikum

As advice to a new Muslim I first greet you and congratulate you on your choice and good taste. If you are like I was the road will be a little to quite rocky at first but you must remember Allah is probably testing you to see if you are truly worthy. After a while things will smooth out. You will laugh. cry, get upset and be the happiest person in the world. In time you will have doubt that you chose was the best way to live. Nobody will tell you this, you will know deep down inside.

When I started out I almost gave up many times. I was introduced to a converts/reverts group. The leader asked me if i was convert yet. I was so fed up I almost told what to do with his group. I thought here comes a third degree. Man did I eat crow. Then again it reminded me of the years back when I went to live in Australia. When you went to get anything. It had a different name over there and if it was not on the ladies counter she did not want to know about it. After I learend my way around things settled down for me. All I can advise you is patience and perserverence. Try to find a good Muslim friend who can guide you around, but best of all be guided by your inner self. I could tell you stories of my problems but then you have enough that you can probably tell me. Why dont you? As I look back I am reminding myself how much of Don Quixote there is in me. Also his epitaph on his tombstome which goes something like this.

Here lies a brave and fearless knight Who had the courage in his day to live a fool and die a sage.

I am not a sage yet but I am working on it.

Nasir (Jim) Written July 20th 1998

Please drop Jim a line. His e-mail address is: email address is: najim@swlink.net

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Advice from Khadeejah (Jacklynn)

Assalamo aleikum (Peace be upon you)

This is the greeting and salutation that muslims give to each other. It is also the true blessing of Islam. The peace that comes from choosing the right path in life is incomparable! No one can tell you if you have found the right path - you will know it for yourself when you discover the inner calmness of your soul, the joy that even the difficulties cannot extinguish, and the sureness of feeling that you are home.. that you have found a WAY OF LIFE - not just a religion! Al hamdolellah! (thanks to God!)

Islam is not something that you just gulp down in one swallow. It is a lifetime of daily meals to be enjoyed, savoured, tasted, digested. If you eat too fast and try to take it all in in one huge bite, you will get indigestion and probably it will come right back up again and make you sick so you don't want to try another taste. If you eat too slowly and in tiny portions, you will always feel hungry and never be satisfied and if someone comes along offering you sweets and junk food (el shaitan does this) you will perhaps be tempted by that, so you won't feel like eating any more of the good meal. But if you have a well-balanced meal (studying the Holy Writings, association with fellow believers, putting into practice what you learn) you will feel satisfied and healthy and in peak condition of life.

And think about it... if someone who loved you made a meal especially for you, wouldn't that make you feel surrounded by their love? Wouldn't you be anxious to tell everyone you know how well you were treated and how much you enjoyed the food? They would probably envy you and wish that they could also have a meal such as this. Allah loves us and has prepared spiritual food especially for us, his creation, in order for us to be healthy and happy and to know that we are loved. That food of course consists of all the Holy Writings available to us. When the opportunity arises, we can let others know how good our food is and how much our Creator loves us, so that they might see our healthy souls and want what we have. This is human nature... wanting what we don't have.

So take things moderately, one bite at a time. Some foods take getting accustomed to, just like when we were kids and were told to eat our vegetables... as we grew up, we knew they were good for us, so we ate them as part of our meal even if they were not our favourite food. So, when you come across a "vegetable" in Islam that you find hard to swallow, just take a small nibble and leave it at the side of your plate until the next meal, or the one after that. Eventually you will grow up enough to realize that ALL "foods" in the spiritual meal are good for you and need to be partaken of if we want to stay healthy. As an example, imagine hijab as one of these "vegetables" that we might either love from the start or as something that we will only partake of after growing up and realizing that it is good for our spritual health.

May Allah grant us all the wisdom and good spritual health we need to stay on the straight path. Ameen.

Fee amanallah

Khadeejah (Jacklynn) Written July 21 1998

Please drop Khadeejah a line. Her e-mail address is: email address is: khadeejah@muslimsonline.com




Advice for New Muslims or those considering Islam

Practical tips from fellow convert, Saraji Umm Zaid.

So, you are a new Muslim. Mabrouk, congratulations. Or perhaps you are thinking about taking your shahada (profession of Islamic faith). I would like to offer some advice, if I may. Having been through what you may be about to experience, I pass this on only in the hopes that you may avoid some of my mistakes, insha'Allah.

1. Don't jump feet first.

This is so important, not just when coming to Islam, but in any aspect of your life. A lot of times, new shahadas are overwhelmed with what is happening. A new religion, new life rules, new politics. Many are eager to join every Islamic group on the face of the earth. Others start playing scholar within a few months. Many people feel like they have to speak Arabic within a month. This is not so. Language doesn't make the Muslim. Take it slowly and pay attention.

2. LEARN YOUR PRAYERS!!!

Make it the first thing you do. Forget about learning Arabic, memorizing hadith, becoming involved in politics, or anything else! LEARN YOUR PRAYERS. I would recommend that you start learning them before your shahada, when you become seriously interested in Islam. I can't stress to you how important this is! I learned the hard way. I am still struggling with part of the prayer now, almost one year later! In the Qur'an we read:

Successful indeed are the believers. Those who offer their prayers with humility and attentiveness. (23: 1-2) Also:

Verily, Prayer prevents one from shameful and evil deeds. (29:45)

There is also a saying from Hadith:

The Prophet (saws) said:

"Between a man, and between shirk and kufr there is the abandonment of Prayer" (shirk is the worship of objects other than Allah, and kufr is disbelief in Allah and the Message He sent) (reported by Jaabir ra in at Tirmidhi)

3. Don't let set backs keep you down.

Many new shahadas report that they encounter racism from Muslims. Others say that there is a visible lack of support when they seek it, leaving them feeling alienated. This is a dangerous place to be. Your feelings of resentment and lonliness, your hurt pride could turn you away from Islam, even though your heart longs to submit. I emphasize here that this doesn't happen to every Muslim, and many Muslims open their hearts and homes to new shahadas! But I have seen it enough to know that there are people who slip through the cracks. If you can't find a Muslim community or people willing or able to help you, there are other resources. There are websites, mailing lists, and Islamic support groups that can help you learn your prayers.

All it takes is a little effort. And in the end, Islam isn't about other people, or how many friends you make. It is about you and your Creator. On the last day, you, and no one else, will be responsible for your actions (or lack thereof).

Finally, I have this to say: Allahu Alim Allah knows best.

He knows better than you do what is good for you and what is bad for you. He has a plan for you, and His Love and Mercy is so great that your only choice is to trust in Him and submit to His Will. Sometimes you won't like it. Life gets "ugly" sometimes. It is hard, it is scary, and it is messy. Nothing comes gift wrapped with a bow on top. Islam reminds us that this short, messy, hard and beautiful life is short. The life after this one is what counts! The goal is Heaven, Paradise, Jennah.

Insha'Allah we will make it.

Source: http://www.islamfortoday.com/ummzaid03.htm


How do we relate to non-Muslim relatives?

Dr. Aisha Hamdan offers practical advice to converts.

For those who have studied, pondered, and struggled with the idea of becoming Muslim, there is often great relief when the realization comes that Shahada must be pronounced. As time goes on and more knowledge is acquired regarding the deen, another realization soon begins to surface, the challenges and questions have not ended and may only have just begun. This is particularly true when it comes to the issue of dealing with and relating to non-Muslim relatives, especially those with whom one has developed a close relationship.

This topic is particularly relevant for women due to the fact that more new converts are female (although the trend may be changing as more men enter Islam) and also because women may have more opportunity to visit with and spend time with other family members. If children are involved, this will most definitely be the case. We understand, of course, that parents and other relatives should be treated with kindness and respect and that there are serious consequences for one who severs the ties of kinship.

The challenges and questions that arise concern the boundaries and specific guidelines that need to be established for dealing with non-Muslim relatives, primarily as it pertains to practical aspects of the religion. Let's take a look at a few scenarios to clarify the topic. Read through the scenarios and the guidelines that follow and determine which guidelines should be used for each scenario.

SCENARIO #1

Sarah, a new Muslimah, has always had a close relationship with her parents and siblings and does not want this to change now that she has become Muslim. Her family has been very understanding, even making accommodations for Sarah so that she continues to feel comfortable during her visits with them. A few examples are: they no longer serve pork at meals, alcoholic beverages are removed from sight, etc. Several family members have even begun to ask questions about Islam and its beliefs and practices.

SCENARIO #2

Sumayyah has been a Muslim for almost 5 years now and she has been struggling with her family since the beginning. When she goes to visit them, there is often loud music playing or an inappropriate program may be on the television. Her family does not take her religion seriously and often joke about her hijab or the "strict requirements" such as prohibitions against alcohol, gambling, etc. Although Sumayyah has tried to teach her family about the things that make her feel uncomfortable and that are offensive to her beliefs, the family refuses to change its lifestyle just because she is visiting. She is somewhat shy about discussing these issues with her family and does not want to offend them. These issues have begun to concern Sumayyah even more as her children get older and she worries about the negative influence that her family may have on them. Holidays are particularly challenging topics.

SCENARIO #3

Zahra is in a particularly difficult situation because each time that she visits with her family they confront her about her new religion. This has been occurring for several years since she became Muslim and has become increasingly more serious. Her family is very upset and unhappy about the changes she has made in her life and sometimes tells her that she must be "crazy." There have even been blatant attempts to ridicule and embarrass Zahra, her husband, and their children. Following overnight stays by the children, Zahra often discovers that they have deliberately been exposed to things that she has clearly explained as prohibited in Islam. On one occasion, the family served pork during a meal and joked in front of the children about the ridiculousness of this prohibition. Zahra feels very estranged from her family, but worries about breaking the ties completely. Some of her family members have already done this of their own initiative.

GENERAL GUIDELINES

1. Educate them about Islamic beliefs.
One of our main goals each time that we go to visit family members should be to teach them about Islam. I have heard from many women that this is one of the most difficult things to do and that they would much rather conduct dawah [invitation to Islam] with strangers. This may be due to the fact that if a stranger does not accept what we are saying we can just go on our way, but when family members do not understand or are reluctant to enter discussions, it may put a train on the relationship. Regardless of the difficulty that we encounter, dawah to family members should be given first priority. Out of love for them we should have a strong desire to share the special gift that God has given us and attempt to save them from the hellfire. It is important to understand that this should be done with special care, gradualness, and an understanding of the unique qualities, beliefs, and circumstances of each individual. This may require a great deal of persistence and patience, but we should never give up nor despair of God's mercy and guidance. Of course, if our efforts were successful this would solve a great deal of problems.

2. Educate them about specific Islamic practices and requirements.
For family members to understand the changes that a new Muslimah has made in her life, they need to be educated about the specific practices, requirements, and prohibitions. This should always come with an explanation of the rationale for each action so that a complete and true understanding may be obtained. If family members realize the logic involved in the religion it may be easier for them to accept and even begin to respect these practical aspects. This obviously means that the Muslimah needs to be educated herself, but this should only be one more incentive to continuously gain knowledge. It is also helpful to become familiar with the religions of other family members so that some common ground may be shared. For example, stimulating discussions may be generated around the fact that references pertaining to requirements for hijab and fasting, and prohibitions against pork, alcohol, and usury (interest) are present in both Christian and Judaic teachings and books. This may also be effective in generating other questions such as why there are such similarities between these three religions, the only answer can be that there is one God who has sent the messages since the beginning of Man.

3.Consider putting conditions on visits, such as frequency and location.
There will obviously be times when it will be necessary to place limitations during visits with families. For example, it would not be appropriate to sit in areas where alcohol or pork is being served or where inappropriate programs are being watched on the TV. One can discreetly move to another room if this is an option. In families where it is particularly difficult and members have refused to be respectful towards one's religion, then it may be essential to limit visits or put conditions on where visits will take place. It may, for example, become a rule in your family that visits will only occur in your house and that certain beverages are not allowed. This would obviously be the easiest way to control what occurs during these times and be another effective way to introduce relatives to "life as a Muslim". It is always important to remember that ties of kinship are important but not at the expense of leading us to disobedience to God. God says, "But if they strive with you to make you join in worship with Me that of which you have no knowledge, then obey them not, but behave with them in the world kindly" [31:15]

Use creative ways to engage family members. Creativity can go a long way sometimes and be especially effective in more difficult situations. Discussions about Islam may be stimulated by sharing an interesting and attractive book, pointing out a recent story in the newspaper, or by watching a video that introduces Islam or covers a particular topic. The Muslim who is really proficient can divert relatives with interesting talk or useful activities and entertainment such as sports activities, board games, computer games, etc. This will give the others an alternative to forbidden things and make for a much more enjoyable experience for all. It will be especially helpful in alleviating the worry that is often present when children are involved.

For Sarah in Scenario 1, all that may be required of her may be guidelines one and two above. She has a fairly easy path ahead of her with many opportunities to educate family members about Islam. In actuality, these suggestions should be used with any family regardless of the particular circumstances.

Scenario 2 As for Sumayyah, she will have a more difficult time and may need to incorporate step three in her plan for working with relatives. There is some potential here and distraction may be most beneficial in reducing the haram activities that family members engage in during visits. She will also need to be creative in stimulating discussions about her religion and may want to determine the special interests and "soft spots" of each person.

In Scenario 3, Zahra has a challenging road ahead of her and she may initially want to consider limiting visits with her family, at least in the short term. She should continue to follow guidelines 1-3 and may find it helpful to share her struggles with other Muslim women who would be able to offer support and advice. The most important thing to remember is that God is aware of our struggles and that these are tests for us to see which of us are most righteous.

Allah says, "You shall certainly be tried and tested in your wealth and properties and in your personal selves; and you shall certainly hear much that will grieve you from those who received the Scripture before you and from those who ascribe partners to God. But if you persevere patiently and become pious, then verily that will be a determining factor in all affairs and that is from the great matters." (Surah Al-imran 3,186).

Let us ask God to make us successful in this life and in the hereafter.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

This article originally appeared in Aljumuah magazine.

From Suhaib - USA

Always praise Allah (Subhanahu wa Ta'ala) for the blessings He has bestowed upon you, that He has guided you to Islam. Never stop pondering this blessing, as it speaks much as to your own destiny.

Keep your tongue constant with the dhikrullah. Be cautious in the company you keep, as you can be just as easily lowered by others as raised. Talk the Shariat in public and the Haqiqat in private, as this is the true measure of the wise and noble worshipper of Allah (Subhanahu wa Ta'ala).

In the spiritual matters, always look to those who are more righteous and pious. In the worldly affairs, always look to those who are the most humble and patient. Be prepared to bear all the burdens thrown your way, as they are but a test for our ultimate destination.

Recognize that you are but a microcosm of the great macrocosm that is the universe. Know that nothing occurs except with the permission of Allah (Azza wa Jall), that it is a causal manifestation of a Divine Will whose wisdom we cannot even begin to comprehend. Constantly ask Allah (Subhanahu wa Ta'ala) to make you from those whose hearts belong to Him.


:wa:
Reply

Snowflake
01-12-2010, 06:10 AM
^ :sl: MashaAllah great post brother!
Reply

Ummu Sufyaan
01-12-2010, 09:49 AM
:sl:
both revert Muslims and non revert Muslims find difficulty and go through trials so you are definitely not alone. if there are any reverts in your area, maybe try getting in contact with them as people can relate and feel better when they know there are others in the same shoes. if not, im sure there are plenty of non-revert Muslims who will be equally as willing, inshallah.
Reply

happy
01-12-2010, 10:13 AM
May Allah make it easy for you. There is a good book called
"You can be the Happiest Women in the world". it is good and offer alot of good advice.

http://www.darussalam.com/product_in...products_id=22
There is also a book called "don't be sad" and you can read from the link below and the content is on the left so you can choice any chapter you want to read.
http://www.dont-be-sad-alqarni.com/

Also it is important when your seeking knowledge to start with TAWHIID (the oneness of Allah).
"Explanation of the Three Fundamental Principles of Islaam by Shaykh Muhammad Ibn 'Abdil-Wahhâb".
Reply

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