Would you marry someone who has kids?

[Donia]

I am genuinely curious to know how many people who be open to marrying someone who has children already.

This is partly inspired by brother Rashad's post.

[IslamicRevival]

..It would be very awkward if the childs father was in regular contact with his ex wife regards to when he could see the child and various other issues..This would put me off immediately....

I wouldn't rule it out though. It depends on whether there's a genuine connection between potential spouse or not...

[Cabdullahi]

Not a problem i love kids whether they are mine or not

[abu_musab461]

i wouldnt mind but it really depends on the age of the kids.

easier to live with kids that are older.

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[cat eyes]

Not a problem i love kids whether they are mine or not

mashaAllah :)

[cat eyes]

..It would be very awkward if the childs father was in regular contact with his ex wife regards to when he could see the child and various other issues..This would put me off immediately....

I wouldn't rule it out though. It depends on whether there's a genuine connection between potential spouse or not...

yes that dose usually happen the ex husband keeps in contact in some stories ive heard that the woman returned to the ex couple of years down the line and divorced her current husband due to the child having a dislike to the man who's not his dad and being constantly reminded of that can be hard also so i don't blame any man who dose not want to marry a woman with kids. its understandable for me anyway. and Allah knows best there hearts.

[Donia]

..It would be very awkward if the childs father was in regular contact with his ex wife regards to when he could see the child and various other issues..This would put me off immediately....

I wouldn't rule it out though. It depends on whether there's a genuine connection between potential spouse or not...

That's a legitimate concern.
Of course there are cases where the father is not involved at all. :hmm:

[Hamas]

Would depend on the situation for me and it might even lead me to that but i dont think i would go out looking for a women to mary who already has kids :)

[latiffa]

:salaam:

This is not a reason to not get marry someone who u really want to share ur life... :happy:

[Rabi'ya]

:sl:

I'm not really sure. I've not thought about the question before, but there are lots of issues to consider. The age of the children. Your role with the children, would you have as much say with them as their real parents. Would the children even be living with you?

hmmm....something to ponder me thinks

[sevgi]

I love kids, mine or not...but at the same time, I am too jealous to function. My husband having been in contact with another woman before me would kill me, let alone him being in regular contact with the mother of his children after our marriage.

I have nothing against it. It is just something I, from related experience, could not bare to do.

[Shifaa]

I love kids but would never marry a man who have kids from his previous marriage because it might often create tensions in the house like for example, you may have not done anything while your steps-children might create a misunderstanding between you and your husband.

[unknown_JJ]

I know someone, who has married someone who has 4 kids (there mother passed away), alhamdulilah shes managed to bring them up for 18 years now.

[★ηαѕιнα★]

I wouldnt wanna marry someone who has kids. I LUVVV children but I dont think im ready to raise children as soon as i get married. When you marry someone who doesnt have any kids you can sort of grow into it. Start slowly with just the two of you learning how to take care of your husband first. And then you could have the first baby and learn how to take care of them. Further along the way you learn how to raise them properly using didactic methodes and stuff. Its an easy way, in stages, you learn how to deal with a family. When you marry someone with kids you do not have the time to learn and grow before these skills are needed. As a woman you are supposed to take care of yourself, your husband and children. You are responsable for the phychical en emotional wellbeing of the family. Thats a huge responsibility that shouldnt be taken lightly.

And besides I wanna be a child for a little bit longer after I get married! :D Travel and stuff.

Salaam

[abu_musab461]

#thats why the prophet recommended that virgins should marry virgins because they are more playful.

[MartyrX]

..It would be very awkward if the childs father was in regular contact with his ex wife regards to when he could see the child and various other issues..This would put me off immediately....

I wouldn't rule it out though. It depends on whether there's a genuine connection between potential spouse or not...

That can be troublesome. Especially if the ex-husband has issues on when he wants to see his kids. Such as he'll see them for a time then go a few months without seeing them, or is just unwilling to work around anyone else's schedule.

[★ηαѕιнα★]

#thats why the prophet recommended that virgins should marry virgins because they are more playful.

Yeah you know about that brother...someone told me that knowadays theres no such thing as virgin brothers so I dunno really..:)

[☆ღUmm Uthmanღ☆]

:sl:

Yes i wud if Allah (swt) wills for me to.

It also depends on the age of the kids (prefer sml kids) as u can train them ur way, & it also depends on the situations.

WAllahu 'Alam.

[Yusuf Saeed]

:sl:

It's a bit off topic perhaps but some things mentioned here have made me wonder about something..

It was said that it's recommended for virgins to marry virgins. Does it mean that when in my past life I've made some mistakes concerning this matter, I don't have the right to have a virgin wife? I'm also thinking that would it be kind of not right for me or somewhat injust of me to look for a virgin wife in the future while myself I've made some mistakes with one girl in the past while not being really a muslim yet.

['Abd Al-Maajid]

:sl:
Hell no!!
I hate kids:raging:, I don't want kids even for myself. They are so annoying :raging:we can't predict when they're gonna cry and what do they want.

[Raudha]

:ooh: You were a kid once upon a time too you know :?

Wait......perhaps I'm over-reacting....You're being sarcastic right

AllahummaHfathnaa. Ameen

['Abd Al-Maajid]

:ooh: You were a kid once upon a time too you know :?

Wait......perhaps I'm over-reacting....You're being sarcastic right

AllahummaHfathnaa. Ameen

I'm not being sarcastic. And I think I was not as annoying as my cousin is (1.5 yrs), she cries all the time yelling 'mama' and 'daddy' when they appoint me to babysit her. What does she think, she's with some strangers? I try to console her but all in vain.

[Raudha]

^I think you have to be more patient and tolerant when it comes to children. You should change your attitude towards them and see them as Allah's creation. Perhaps watching them develop into adults as they achieve their different milestones will make that a bit easier.

All the best brother :peace:

[Salahudeen]

I wouldn't mind marrying a women with kids but I think what would prevent me is I wouldn't know how to be a good father to the kids like how to take care of them and whats expected of me cos I don't have experience as a father. :(

[★ηαѕιнα★]

I'm not being sarcastic. And I think I was not as annoying as my cousin is (1.5 yrs), she cries all the time yelling 'mama' and 'daddy' when they appoint me to babysit her. What does she think, she's with some strangers? I try to console her but all in vain.

They are actually quite fun brother. Dont forget your cousin is just ONE child, they are not all like that. I think their lovely seriously. When its your own child its different. For one it wouldnt be crying mum or dad cos you would be the dad. It actually would laugh at you and wanna play with you, bond with daddy. The babysitter is always scary to babies cos they do not recognize your scent so they know your a "stranger". And you should wait until the child gets to an age where it learns to talk. Very funny period haha. They see stuff differently than us so they tend to say funny and embarresing stuff.
Kids are fun!:D

Salaam

[syilla]

I used to have someone interested in marrying me...and he has kids. But at that time i don't mind. However, i was still studying at that time so my mother said no lol....

Now i still think i don't mind. Might be i'm actually a bit naive. Well i guess being is naive is better than knowing the truth huhuhu

[MartyrX]

I'm not being sarcastic. And I think I was not as annoying as my cousin is (1.5 yrs), she cries all the time yelling 'mama' and 'daddy' when they appoint me to babysit her. What does she think, she's with some strangers? I try to console her but all in vain.

We all like to look back at our own childhood and think we were so much better behaving. Talking with my mother now I can see where I was really bad about getting on her nerves. I wasn't horrible, but just energetic.

At one and half that is a very difficult age for anyone taking care of a child especially one that is not your own. That child is not used to you unless they spend every day with you. That and for some children they can be very shy around that age. So it takes some time to get used to new people.

[abu salaahudeen]

i wouldn't miind at all

however it would be a bit difficult if she has a daughter from previous marriage because the ruling in this is different but its not something that would put me off

there would have to be minimum contact from the ex husband

someone who is ok with it shows the level of maturity and responsible

[Ali_uk]

I vote no....but thinking about it, I think no but if allah wills me to be with a woman who already has children then so be it.

[Somaiyah]

Assalamu alaykum,

Well I wouldn't mind if I was really sure I wanted this man lol. And if he didn't have problems with the childrens' mother such as violence or hate or other problems that might be a problem for me too when becoming a bonus mother for the kids. If he had kids that were adults and didn't live with him, no problem. If he had kids that still lived with him I would take care of them. But Allahu alem. So I voted that I'm not really sure, because it depends on the circumstances.

[Cabdullahi]

i love kids so much and wherever i go i play with them to a point the adults say to me behave now!! you're a big man :(

[glo]

My mother remarried 6 years after the death of my father. It was very hard for us three children to come to terms with a 'new dad', and it caused much tension and resentment at the time.

Bringing a new stepfather/stepmother into an existing family has a huge impact on the dynamics within the family, and needs to be done very carefully, considering the feelings of all involved!

I would only marry somebody with children if his children liked me and my children liked him.

[Grofica]

uhmmmm i wouldnt... i have kids from before and my hubby wants to have kids and i dont know if i want to go through all that again. :(

[abu salaahudeen]

it is praised by the Messenger to have as many children within your capability

[cat eyes]

i would marry a man with kids i also would not mind 2enter in2 a polygamy marriage :X it over all dependz how religious he is to and he would have 2 b healthy, not to old and he'd have 2 b a bit attractive but if he didnt av all these thngz id say no. Some men who av already kidz, they are a litle on da fat side and a bit unhealthy and i mean health is so important if he wantz 2 av kidz with me! He cnt be old lol.

[Clover]

I doubt I'll live to be married, but if I do, I wouldn't care. If she honestly cares about me, I don't care about anything of her, except that.

[★ηαѕιнα★]

i would marry a man with kids i also would not mind 2enter in2 a polygamy marriage :X it over all dependz how religious he is to and he would have 2 b healthy, not to old and he'd have 2 b a bit attractive but if he didnt av all these thngz id say no. Some men who av already kidz, they are a litle on da fat side and a bit unhealthy and i mean health is so important if he wantz 2 av kidz with me! He cnt be old lol.

Haha your funny "on the fat side"! LOL
I wouldnt mind a little belly, think thats kinda cute haha.
Dunno about polygamy marriage though..you definitely have to be strong for that..would you wanna live in the same house with the other woman??

Salaam

[Asiyah3]

My mother remarried 6 years after the death of my father. It was very hard for us three children to come to terms with a 'new dad', and it caused much tension and resentment at the time.

Bringing a new stepfather/stepmother into an existing family has a huge impact on the dynamics within the family, and needs to be done very carefully, considering the feelings of all involved!

I would only marry somebody with children if his children liked me and my children liked him.

Peace,

Glo may I ask, does it matter to you whether the man you marry is religious?

[cat eyes]

Haha your funny "on the fat side"! LOL
I wouldnt mind a little belly, think thats kinda cute haha.
Dunno about polygamy marriage though..you definitely have to be strong for that..would you wanna live in the same house with the other woman??

Salaam

yeah your right it is tough and i am the kinda girl who gets jealous easily and likes attention if the attention stops then all hell breaks lose :D i would definitely be a big cranky trial for him :p as for living in the same house i don't know i think if hes wealthy id want my own place nothing to fancy if hes not wealthy then i suppose i don't mind to live with the other wife.

[sabr*]

سم الله الرحمن الرحيم

Bismillā hir Rahmā nir Rahīm
In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful

اشْهَدُ انْ لّآ اِلهَ اِلَّا اللّهُ وَ اَشْهَدُ اَنَّ مُحَمَّدً اعَبْدُه وَ رسوله

Ašh hadu al-lā ilāha illā-llāhu, wa ašh hadu anna Muhammadun ‘abduhu wa rasūluhu
I bear witness that none is worthy of worship but Allah, the One alone, without partner, and I bear witness that Muhammad is His servant and Messenger


As-Salāmu `Alaykum (السلام عليكم):

Ukhi cat eyes:

Sukhranallah for your honesty. I am surprised if you didn't receive intendees from your post.

It is very easy for people to be judgmental when they are not subject to a face to face response. Or the candor because a person is anonymous and not subject to criticism.

Nurturing and raising children is no easy task especially in a country dominated by Non-Muslims. When traveling abroad I have witnessed first hand the trials.

Now add that the children are extended. The you are not my father or mother statements are heart wrenching. It would take a unbelievable Muslimah (Strong women in Din and Beauty) Family Status to me is culturally based because a person can come from the best families and be the worst in personality,etc. I can support a large family independently so a Muslimah wealth is not important)

The PC (Political Correct in a forum) statements to make is that you would marry a person for their DIN and concentrating on their appearance is shallow. Marrying for beauty is permitted but marrying for the DIN is the best reason.

Sahih Al-Bukhari Volume 7, Book 62, Number 27:

Narrated Abu Huraira:

The Prophet said, "A woman is married for four things, i.e., her wealth, her family status, her beauty and her religion. So you should marry the religious woman (otherwise) you will be a losers.

Just reflecting on the Muslimah that the Imam has asked to consider for marriage have all been very voluptuous , young children, and exiting a abusive situation. Just always wondered why certain brothers of different ethnic groups who are apart of the ethnic immigrant Islamic communities are rarely asked to consider the numerous educated Muslimah attending the Universities or the daughters of the pillars of the communities.

And I am referring to the Muslim brothers who are professionals, self-employed (me) and members of the Islamic Community.

I am so eager to read the opinions why that is the case.

Surah Hujurat 49:13

O mankind! We created you from a single (pair) of a male and a female, and made you into nations and tribes, that ye may know each other (not that ye may despise (each other). Verily the most honoured of you in the sight of Allah is (he who is) the most righteous of you. And Allah has full knowledge and is well acquainted (with all things).
(Y. Ali translation)

[Cabdullahi]

fat people need love too!


wa allah u 3alem

[★ηαѕιнα★]

Brother Sabr, I think my English is not very good. I don't understand your post to be honest..:D What do you mean?

Salaam

[sabr*]

Brother Sabr, I think my English is not very good. I don't understand your post to be honest.. What do you mean?
Salaam

اشْهَدُ انْ لّآ اِلهَ اِلَّا اللّهُ وَ اَشْهَدُ اَنَّ مُحَمَّدً اعَبْدُه وَ رسوله

Ašh hadu al-lā ilāha illā-llāhu, wa ašh hadu anna Muhammadun ‘abduhu wa rasūluhu
I bear witness that none is worthy of worship but Allah, the One alone, without partner, and I bear witness that Muhammad is His servant and Messenger


As-Salāmu `Alaykum (السلام عليكم):

Ukhi Nasiha21:

1. Raising your own children is difficult. It requires a special person who is tolerant to assist raising the children you adopt when marrying.

2. My personal observance is that if you are not apart of an immigrants country of origin (but an active member of the Islamic Community) the challenges of marrying Muslimah who are attending a University or the children of the elders of the community are great. (The reality in our Communities)

I have witnessed Muslims seeking Zawj via online sites, or traveling to the desired countries and returning with a wife. (Asia,Africa,Middle East)

This is what Allah says to Ummah regarding interrelations with other cultures.

Surah Hujurat 49:13

O mankind! We created you from a single (pair) of a male and a female, and made you into nations and tribes, that ye may know each other (not that ye may despise (each other). Verily the most honoured of you in the sight of Allah is (he who is) the most righteous of you. And Allah has full knowledge and is well acquainted (with all things).
(Y. Ali translation)

This is what the Prophet Muhammad (SAWS) said the qualities that can be sought for a mate and what is actually best if you don't want to be of the losers.

Sahih Al-Bukhari Volume 7, Book 62, Number 27:

Narrated Abu Huraira:

The Prophet said, "A woman is married for four things, i.e., her wealth, her family status, her beauty and her religion. So you should marry the religious woman (otherwise) you will be a losers.

Posted with the best intentions. Hopefully it provided clarity.

[Donia]

fat people need love too!

:sl:
So true, all the love can't go to the *pears* right? :)

1. Raising your own children is difficult. It requires a special person who is tolerant to assist raising the children you adopt when marrying.

That is a very true statement that I completely agree with. It does indeed take a special man or woman to accept someone else's children and raise them islamically and the right way. May Allah reward those who do this. Ameen.

JazakAllah for the replies, brothers and sisters. I enjoyed reading everyone's opinions.

[★ηαѕιнα★]

اشْهَدُ انْ لّآ اِلهَ اِلَّا اللّهُ وَ اَشْهَدُ اَنَّ مُحَمَّدً اعَبْدُه وَ رسوله2. My personal observance is that if you are not apart of an immigrants country of origin (but an active member of the Islamic Community) the challenges of marrying Muslimah who are attending a University or the children of the elders of the community are great. (The reality in our Communities)

Ok I understand you better now. But why is it hard to find an educated partner then? There are loads out there..Do think its difficult to find a partner though since theres no dating and stuff in Islam. Not that I find that a problem or anything, the best way to get married is the islamic way. Avoids loads op problems. And I don't think getting a wife from the homecountry is a solution. That tends to cause some trouble as well regarding adjustment and stuff.

Salaam

[MMohammed]

Prophet Mohammed(S.A) also married Hazrat Khadija whilst she had few children.

[sabr*]

Ok I understand you better now. But why is it hard to find an educated partner then? There are loads out there..Do think its difficult to find a partner though since theres no dating and stuff in Islam. Not that I find that a problem or anything, the best way to get married is the islamic way. Avoids loads op problems. And I don't think getting a wife from the homecountry is a solution. That tends to cause some trouble as well regarding adjustment and stuff.
Salaam

اشْهَدُ انْ لّآ اِلهَ اِلَّا اللّهُ وَ اَشْهَدُ اَنَّ مُحَمَّدً اعَبْدُه وَ رسوله

Ašh hadu al-lā ilāha illā-llāhu, wa ašh hadu anna Muhammadun ‘abduhu wa rasūluhu
I bear witness that none is worthy of worship but Allah, the One alone, without partner, and I bear witness that Muhammad is His servant and Messenger


As-Salāmu `Alaykum (السلام عليكم):

Ukhi Nasiha21:

It is never difficult when you put your trust in Allah. The challenges that men put in your way is the issue. There is no dating in Islam. The Marriage Process thread I created outlines the entire process. A vetting process is included to ensure the Muslimah rights are protected.

But Muslims are human also and are fallible. If you review the threads created by AnonymousGender in advice section the marital issues are endless.

If a Muslim really wants to get married they will overcome any obstacles and get married. You seek the ideal situation and accept the reality. Traveling outside your location for a Zawj might be the option.

The expectations some of us have of marrying the Brother who is Strong in Din, wealthy, healthy, muscular, and handsome or the Sister who is Strong in Din, has earned at least a Bachelor's of Science Degree and is over 5'6' and not over 130lbs. isn't always realistic or simplistic.

[AlbanianMuslim]

I would if he was a widower for sure, kids need a mother!!

However, if he is a divorcee it would depend on the situation with his ex wife. Is she in the picture, how much, is she kind or hostile etc.

[Muhammad]

:sl:

Questions like that of this thread are typically individual to each person and their circumstances. Most of these are old exhausted topics of this forum and lead to the demise of the former Marriage section, hence they are best avoided.

Thread closed.