Anger management, women and leaders

[Samiun]

:sl: Brothers and sisters

Today I want someone to tell me how to make myself respectable? Does hitting my friends to get respected considered sinful?You see, before coming to high school I was very well respected. I loved to use all the bad words I can find and probably mock my friends. But they were all cool with it because they're obviously influenced by the western culture. As years pass, I started to go weak. I started not hitting people. I started being kind and nice towards others. I will always try as hard as I could to hold my self to say bad words or hold my self if a friend hits me with the intention of making me angry(The reason why is because I look like a 'nerd' in my class). One day, I looked back in the past and said to myself,"What has happened to me? Where did all the respect go to?". I have always been praying until Allah S.W.T. gives me justice but that part of the story is yet to come true and I am very sad and desperate until today

Secondly, I want to talk about women. What is men's limit to a women?Both non-muhrim and muhrim. I got this friend who keeps "touching" me as though I feel something really bad if a women touch me. As if it was forbidden.

Finally, leaders. Don't they just make you angry when they command you to do something but he/she is a muhrim? Shouting and screaming, didn't our beloved prophet s.a.w. said to treat people with kindness and sincerity?Perhaps, our beloved prophet s.a.w. has changed the way I live my life but I still get pushed around. Imagine, when you're muhrim leader is open minded that he/she mixes with women and communicate with them, adding that he said," I can't touch hug girls" but he touched them? Disgrace

I have been searching on how to fix these problems but I don't know where to start. Perhaps I need a Muslim teacher in the near future...

[ahmed_indian]

:sl:,

1. try to please Allah brother, whts the use of gaining respect by hurting others? wht u'll say to Allah on day of judgment?

2. u are not allowed to talk unnecessary with non-mahram. and touching, being alone is not allowed at all.

3. you are right. prophet :saws: was gentle in dealing with ppl. but most of the leaders are not good muslims nowadays. we should try to improve ourselves first. dont worry about their character too much brother.

[Beardo]

I'll answer the question as to why you shouldn't be talking about women.

Well, as a fellow straight man and brother in Islam, it's just going to make us want to talk to them. Obviously for school projects etc you'll eventually have to speak a few words with them, but you don't want to cross that line.

Why would you want to talk about them anyway? That's the guy thing to do. That's what girly guys do. (Being honest here) Talk about sports, talk about Kobe Bryant if you must, but not women.

And I'm not demeaning women here either, making that very clear. Actually, I'm protecting them from any filth that can come their way. :D

Well brother, just remember there's many more who are facing similar problems as you. We just have to take it with patience and realize our ultimate goal. I'll let you think about what that is.

[Samiun]

1. try to please Allah brother, whts the use of gaining respect by hurting others? wht u'll say to Allah on day of judgment?

2. u are not allowed to talk unnecessary with non-mahram. and touching, being alone is not allowed at all.

3. you are right. prophet was gentle in dealing with ppl. but most of the leaders are not good muslims nowadays. we should try to improve ourselves first. dont worry about their character too much brother.

1. But how should I get respected then? These people these ignorant people including my own brothers(in Muslim)have the least respect for me. Treating me like some sort of nerd in their eyes? Treating me as Garbage? Do they not learn that this is one of their fellow brother?

2. What if it were necessary to teach them? What if they're wearing pants that don't cover their arwah and I should be looking at their feet? I just can't take it. I might as well write a letter to school about how I can't communicate well during practice

3. The problem is, the leader being older than I am is crossing the line? Sure he treats me well but Subhanallah, the way he treats the people who are not familiar to him is bad. But those, who have a higher position in the society gets to make fun of us and he doesn't even do anything. How much disrespect can I take? If it weren't for our beloved Prophet Muhammad SAW I would have smacked his head and quit the team.

I'll answer the question as to why you shouldn't be talking about women.

Well, as a fellow straight man and brother in Islam, it's just going to make us want to talk to them. Obviously for school projects etc you'll eventually have to speak a few words with them, but you don't want to cross that line.

Why would you want to talk about them anyway? That's the guy thing to do. That's what girly guys do. (Being honest here) Talk about sports, talk about Kobe Bryant if you must, but not women.

And I'm not demeaning women here either, making that very clear. Actually, I'm protecting them from any filth that can come their way. :D

Hey wait just a minute, I'm asking about women because I have way lot of respect for them. But if they're the one crossing the lines shouldn't I at least give them a smack to the head or something? I want to be patient as long as I want to but they'll just think of me as someone who is arrogant? Pathetic, just pathetic. I'm thinking of every wrong way to treat men/women right now since they had just crossed the line in practice just now. But for the sake Allah S.W.T. and Prophet Muhammad Peace Be upon him, I can only wait for nur to come to me.

Jazakhallah khair for the responses

Hey there! Looks like you're enjoying the discussion, but you're not signed up for an account.

When you create an account, you can participate in the discussions and share your thoughts. You also get notifications, here and via email, whenever new posts are made. And you can like posts and make new friends.
Sign Up

[syilla]

Now i understand... you mean you just can't stand muslims who don't follow the islamic ways...and you feel like you're not getting the respect and attention for the advices you have given to them.

First you have to have pure intentions when giving naseehah. And second you have to understand that you can not force people to do something. And third, giving naseehah should not stop there...it is the everlasting job...and you should not give up doing it.

And have patience

[Hamza Asadullah]

:sl: Brothers and sisters

Today I want someone to tell me how to make myself respectable? Does hitting my friends to get respected considered sinful?You see, before coming to high school I was very well respected. I loved to use all the bad words I can find and probably mock my friends. But they were all cool with it because they're obviously influenced by the western culture. As years pass, I started to go weak. I started not hitting people. I started being kind and nice towards others. I will always try as hard as I could to hold my self to say bad words or hold my self if a friend hits me with the intention of making me angry(The reason why is because I look like a 'nerd' in my class). One day, I looked back in the past and said to myself,"What has happened to me? Where did all the respect go to?". I have always been praying until Allah S.W.T. gives me justice but that part of the story is yet to come true and I am very sad and desperate until today.

Secondly, I want to talk about women. What is men's limit to a women?Both non-muhrim and muhrim. I got this friend who keeps "touching" me as though I feel something really bad if a women touch me. As if it was forbidden.

Finally, leaders. Don't they just make you angry when they command you to do something but he/she is a muhrim? Shouting and screaming, didn't our beloved prophet s.a.w. said to treat people with kindness and sincerity?Perhaps, our beloved prophet s.a.w. has changed the way I live my life but I still get pushed around. Imagine, when you're muhrim leader is open minded that he/she mixes with women and communicate with them, adding that he said," I can't touch hug girls" but he touched them? Disgrace

I have been searching on how to fix these problems but I don't know where to start. Perhaps I need a Muslim teacher in the near future...

:sl: do not use fear to gain respect brother. Be firm in what you believe and give dawah in the best of manners as Allah tells us to do in the Qur'an which is to invite towards Allah in the most beautiful of ways.

We should always use wisdom and tact in inviting others towards good and forbidding evil. You can only inform but you cannot guide anyone Only Allah can guide so give them dawah as best you can and show them the best example then leave it at that. Know that there is nothing good in being harsh or using fear to gain respect.

Be firm as a believer and a stearn follower of the Sunnah and keep in mind that you are ONLY wanting to please Allah and that what others say to ridicule you does not matter to you. Rasulallah(Pbuh) changed the worst people on earth with his beautiful and perfect character.

So be the best towards others like Rasulallah(Pbuh) was and set the best example. This will go a lot further than using harsheness and fear. There is nothing good in this and you should stop this behaviour immediatley and adopt the character and mannerisms of Rasulallah(Pbuh) immediatley.The way he was towards others.

In regards to the non mahram women leader then you must tell her that you cannot be touched as you do not feel comfortable. Be honest but say it in a repsectful and gentle manner explaining why it is prohibited in Islam.

Gentleness gets one further than harshness. That is what Rasulallah(Pbuh0 taught so take the advice of our role model in life and copy him in how he dealt with others for he is the best example for the whole of mankind!

Consider the following:



Having good manners, character and being humble

Many of us think that “a perfect Muslim” is simply one who is correct in the observance of the salah (ritual Prayer), the fasting, the zakah (payment of a certain portion of one’s wealth to the poor), and the Hajj (pilgrimage to Makkah). This indeed is not the case.


If the ritual observances do not help the person to be humble, virtuous and truly God-fearing, then he or she is not a real Muslim. A Muslim should be good and just in dealing with others, no matter their religion, and take special care to keep away from all the shameful and sinful things Allah has forbidden.


One can never get close to Allah by being arrogant, full of pride and having a bad character and manners. Those who have humility and are humble and have good character and manners are the closest to Allah and Allah raises their ranks in the hereafter. The best person is the one who is best towards others.


The superiority of good character:


Hadrat Abu Darda, may Allah be pleased with him, relates that the Holy Prophet Muhammad, may the peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, said, “Nothing is heavier in the scales of a believer on the Day of Judgement than his good behaviour. Allah detests a person who is obscene and shameless”. (Tirmidhi)

The best friend in the sight of Allah is he who is the well-wisher of his companions, and the best neighbour is one who behaves best towards his neighbours. (Tirmidhi)


Having humility and being humble:


The Prophet (PBUH) said: "He who was humble for the sake of God by one degree, God (SWT) would then elevate them to a degree till they reach the uppermost of high Orders, and he who was arrogant to God (SWT), God (SWT) would then lower him for a degree till he reaches the lowest of low Orders", (Narrated by: Muslim (Hadeeth: 6535).


Al-Nawawi said:


The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:“And no one humbles himself before Allaah but Allaah will raise him (in status).”


Humbleness is to know the value of oneself, to avoid pride, or disregarding the truth and underestimating people. As the Prophet sallallahu`alaihi wa sallam said, according to Muslim and others, "Al-Kibr is rejecting the truth and looking down upon people" [Muslim, Tirmidhi and Abu Dawud].


Humbleness is for one who is important and significant and he fears to gain notoriety or to become too great among people. Humbleness is that one should humble himself with his companions.


Humbleness is to humble oneself to one who is below you. If you find someone who is younger than you, or of less importance than you, you should not despise him, because he might have a better heart than you, or be less sinful, or closer to Allah than you. Even if you see a sinful person and you are righteous, do not act in arrogance towards him, and thank Allah that He saved you from the tribulation that He put him through.


Remember that there might be some riyaa' or vanity in your righteous deeds that may cause them to be of no avail, and that this sinful person may be regretful and fearful concerning his bad deeds, and this may be the cause of forgiveness of his sins.


Humbleness is that your deed should not become too great in your eyes. If you do a good deed, or attempt to get closer to Allah ta`ala through an act of obedience, your deed may still not be accepted, "Allah only accepts from those who have taqwa (fear of Allah)." (Surat al-Maida: 27)


Humbleness is that, when you are advised, if Shaytaan calls you to reject the advice, you must negate him. Because the purpose of advice is that your brother points out the defects that you have.


The arrogant never gives credit to anybody or mentions good about someone, and if he needed to do so, he would also mention five defects of that person. But if he hears somebody reminding him about his own defects, he will not be flexible nor comply due to his inferiority complex. This is why it is among man's moral integrity to accept criticism or comment without any sensitivity or discomfort or feelings of shame and weakness.


We can summarize the teachings of Islam about the Muslim character in the following list:


Be truthful in everything, don’t lie.
Be sincere and straightforward, don’t be hypocritical.
Be honest, don’t be corrupt.
Be humble, don’t be boastful.
Be moderate, don’t be excessive.
Be reserved, don’t be garrulous.
Be soft-spoken, don’t be loud.
Be refined and gentle in speech, don’t curse and use foul language.
Be loving and solicitous to others, don’t be unmindful of them.
Be considerate and compassionate, don’t be harsh.
Be polite and respectful to people, don’t be insulting or disrespectful.
Be generous and charitable, don’t be selfish and miserly.
Be good natured and forgiving, don’t be bitter and resentful.
Share and be content with what Allah has given you, don’t be greedy.
Be cheerful and pleasant, don’t be irritable and morose.
Be chaste and pure, don’t be lustful.
Be alert and aware of the world around you, don’t be absent-minded.
Be dignified and decent, don’t be graceless.
Be optimistic and hopeful, don’t be cynical or pessimistic.
Be confident and have deep faith, don’t be doubtful and wavering.
Be spiritually oriented and not materialistic.
Be confident of the mercy of Allah, don’t be despairing and lose heart.
Be diligent and vigilant of your duties, don’t be negligent.
Be thankful to Allah and constantly pray to Him, don’t be forgetful of His innumerable blessings.