Are parents super heroes?

[S<Chowdhury]

There is no question of how much we love our parents and there is no question about there undying need to protect us from bad things whether we realise its bad or not.

But can they really protect us from everything?

I've touched this topic twice now in other replies yet there hasn't been a thread for it (that i knw of). Well in my opinion I would argue No they can't protect us from all the social pressures and issues whilst your a teen. Its a common misconception about how as parents especially Desi but its not restricted to them.

In my own personal experience as a teenager around the age of 15/16 and i will be open my relationship with my parents were strained to say the least. Both my parents are practising strict conservative Muslims and so was my family. They were not born in England so they were really "old-school" desi and really strict with me and my sister as children, both in terms of religion and discipline. But as i grew older in my teens i become curious about things that were wrong/sinful you could say, and began choosing bad options in life. For a while i was able to deceive my parents well, but you can only hide things from your parents for so long especially when your living at home with them and your mum does your laundry lmao.

My parents began to get worried naturally, so they came down hard on me, but i continued on regardless, no matter how hard my father could beat me and how loud my mother screamed at me, it got to the point of my Uncles involvement but them screaming and shouting at me, well it had the desired opposite effects, i ended up despising them even more for trying to control me, so i rebelled harder. I was met with even more stricter parenting tactics, it got to the point of nearly 24hr watch where i answered 21 Qs every hour, Where was I? Who was I with? etc...No parent can continue that over a long period nor can a teen keep answering the questions, it led my parents to desperation and me wanting to leave home.

I guess i "calmed down" as my parents say solely because of my father, he sat me down on numerous occasions , he was far more open minded. He tried to find the roots of my problems instead just punishing me, though at first i didn't want to listen at all, slowly he'd started to make me see sense, he was what i can recall the first Muslim adult to be totally be honest with me about issues.

Right now me and parents get on much better, but me and my mum rarely meet eye to eye. I still love them and with hindsight i feel guilty for putting them through it.

I guess my whole point is look my family were practising Muslim, from a early age they strived to keep me away from Haram things, taught me the Do's and Don't in life, and were very strict with me. You can follow the handbook to parenting to a T but always your child will experience some sort of bad social 'things' unless your home schooling them or you keep them away from there peers. But then your leaving them at a disadvantage by not letting them engage with peers. Parents are also now up against social networking and the internet in general.

Brothers and Sisters, I'm not saying every teen is the same, some respond well to strict parenting, others turn the other way, i guess you need to find a balance. Some Teens barely make a noise whilst others are not that quiet. I guess i personally believe though you can't protect them from every teen issue, but when they do come to that cross road, you've taught them well enough that they choose the right path, and hope for the best. You can't have success without failure, they need to learn by themselves sometimes.

Another point, though my problems was quite extreme, whilst going down this bad path, i met alot of muslim peers along the way both brothers and sisters, the reason i stopped was because my parents found out. Other parents are oblivious not because they are bad parents but teens can hide it very well, some soon grow out the phase but then some continue the lifestyle through into adulthood.

So its an interesting topic and one that does concern us all,

Another point a brother brought up is " a miss conception that Muslims generally think its ok to live in a kaafir society as long as you are practising your deen. But you just showed it that no matter what a Muslim does, living in a kaafir society WILL HAVE effects on him or his children"

Do you agree ?

[latiffa]

For some children their parents are really super heroes. For other are just parents and not more. I love my parents esppecially my father who was a reall super heroe for me. I wish so much to be for my children a very good mother and the best friend. Hope nothing change my mind and to not forget that I had once their ages too.
To have a good relation with ur parents, first of all must to want it, and than, to do the best for it. Try to understand them and all will be ok, in time. Sometime, the begining of "negociations" is hard but always have succes if u really want it! :smile:

[zakirs]

There is no ...
...... adulthood.

This is generally seen in a lot of teenagers.teens tend to do things which their parents strictly warn against.the more harsher the parents are the more rebellious teens tend to be. ( i just passed my teenage so i guess i am not being judgemental :| )

Another point a brother brought up is " a miss conception that Muslims generally think its ok to live in a kaafir society as long as you are practising your deen. But you just showed it that no matter what a Muslim does, living in a kaafir society WILL HAVE effects on him or his children"

Do you agree ?

It does have an effect , yes. My neigbour in dormitory plays loud music and i just cant stop him because he is an idiot..This sometimes effects my namaz. But in this world we have to learn to be secular and adjusting because it is not possible for everybody to move to KSA. But other than that i believe my country is far better than many countries which call them islamic and do things which aren't exactly for the benifit of people.

Given a choice , i am happy with what Allah has given me now and would live here all over again.

[S<Chowdhury]

It does have an effect , yes. My neigbour in dormitory plays loud music and i just cant stop him because he is an idiot..This sometimes effects my namaz. But in this world we have to learn to be secular and adjusting because it is not possible for everybody to move to KSA. But other than that i believe my country is far better than many countries which call them islamic and do things which aren't exactly for the benifit of people.

Given a choice , i am happy with what Allah has given me now and would live here all over again.

Brother I totally agree, forgive me and i hope i don't offend anyone but moving to Saudi Arabia is not the best option, i know its a very holy spiritual place but i'd rather live in a free democratic state any day than be oppressed by a dictatorship, who are not tolerant of other ethnics, this is from my own personal experience. And even in Saudi Arabia its going to be the same, yes there is a large amount of risk in participating in forbidden activities but it still happens its just driven underground so its a bit harder to get a hold of but it still happens. I guess there is no where in the world were you can raise your children free from Haram things.

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[aadil77]

Brother I totally agree, forgive me and i hope i don't offend anyone but moving to Saudi Arabia is not the best option, i know its a very holy spiritual place but i'd rather live in a free democratic state any day than be oppressed by a dictatorship, who are not tolerant of other ethnics, this is from my own personal experience. And even in Saudi Arabia its going to be the same, yes there is a large amount of risk in participating in forbidden activities but it still happens its just driven underground so its a bit harder to get a hold of but it still happens. I guess there is no where in the world were you can raise your children free from Haram things.

It isn't the best option but its better than most places out there. Yes there might be a bit of discrimination and corruption, but the society and evnviroment is alot better for muslims than any 'free democratic state' where people are free to choose what sins are acceptable etc. The thing is democracy and islam don't go together, it goes against the laws of Allah, we as muslims cannot choose what we think is acceptable, what should be allowed etc, all this is already set in a shariah state by the laws of Allah.

Although saudi isn't a proper shariah state, it still has some form of shariah. You're probably thinking that people might be oppressed and forced into obiding by shariah, yes there isn't any compulsion in islam, but the laws are there to protect people. For instance laws on modest clothing are there not to force women to cover up, but to prevent fitna (trials) spreading and affect men, if you see what I mean? I mean you can do what you want in your own home but going out in public and affecting others with your evil is not allowed. If you think about it makes sense. Yes haraam things maybe forced underground, but as long as they're not out in the open to affect others it doesn't matter, when haraam is spread out in society openly then that is when there is more temptation to go wrong.

So living in a society like this is will obviously not stop anyone from sinning but it will atleast make it easier for people who want to follow the right path.

[S<Chowdhury]

It isn't the best option but its better than most places out there. Yes there might be a bit of discrimination and corruption, but the society and evnviroment is alot better for muslims than any 'free democratic state' where people are free to choose what sins are acceptable etc....

Brother i totally agree with you about how laws should protect us and yes women should dress modestly, i totally understand. But then isn't Islam tolerant enough to accept the needs of the non-believers who reside in that country, and not to persecute them. I' wouldn't use the words" be a bit" because from what I've heard and seen its not a bit of hardship faced by Muslim Brothers and Sisters when the decide to migrate to KSA. Many migrants to KSA are from third world countries and they look for a better life in KSA, yet even as a Muslim they are treated as inferior in the many cases i've seen them sweep the roads during the blinding midday heat for peanut money, but this isn't the worst.

Does a Muslim country have a right to exploit others including there own brothers and sisters?

You are not allowed to speak ill of the Saudi Monarchy, forgive me if I'm wrong but why did God give us a voice if he didn't want us to use it?

But as you said the KSA is not truly a shariah state, then if The Land of the Two Holy Mosque is not sharia compliant then which country truly is? i think we are going a bit off topic buts its interesting to discuss.

[aadil77]

Brother i totally agree with you about how laws should protect us and yes women should dress modestly, i totally understand. But then isn't Islam tolerant enough to accept the needs of the non-believers who reside in that country, and not to persecute them.

In what way? Its not a need to dress immodestly is it? In a true islamic state they shouldn't be treated any differently to how muslims would. If you're talking about places of worship for them, I'm not sure about that issue

I' wouldn't use the words" be a bit" because from what I've heard and seen its not a bit of hardship faced by Muslim Brothers and Sisters when the decide to migrate to KSA. Many migrants to KSA are from third world countries and they look for a better life in KSA, yet even as a Muslim they are treated as inferior in the many cases i've seen them sweep the roads during the blinding midday heat for peanut money, but this isn't the worst.

Does a Muslim country have a right to exploit others including there own brothers and sisters?

No it doesn't, but you have to be prepared when migrating, you should know about job ops, what they're lookin for etc, if it is difficult there then there are other options eg; yemen

You are not allowed to speak ill of the Saudi Monarchy, forgive me if I'm wrong but why did God give us a voice if he didn't want us to use it?

Yes that is one thing that some might not like, but again in islam we aren't meant to rise against a muslim ruler (even if they're corrupt) as it can cause more corruption and evil to spread in the lands, eg; riots, violence etc.

But as you said the KSA is not truly a shariah state, then if The Land of the Two Holy Mosque is not sharia compliant then which country truly is? i think we are going a bit off topic buts its interesting to discuss.

There is none, it stopped after the caliphate system. Now its just a matter of choosing which one you think is better for you

Hope that helps

[Life_Is_Short]

:sl:
You can't because it is impossible to cut off the influence of outside forces (school, media etc) that shape an individual but that doesn't mean that parents should give up.
The government is the 'parent' in the west. What i mean is that they take the responsibility of raising you rather than your own parents. You get tought how to put on your cloths in nursery, sex education in secondary school and the importance of being independent. These are the responsibilities of your parents. They're suppose to tell you about these things and therefore the gov ends up influencing you.

Parents that teach you the proper islamic way of life regardless of whether you are in the east or west, are the real heroes. If you trun out to be a good apple then you bow good seeds. If you know what i mean.
My parents never sat down to teach me the proper islamic way of life but alhamdulillah i realised this for myself soon enough. :statisfie

[Alpha Dude]

:sl:

This is a subject that really gets to me. I get so annoyed seeing people who don't raise their kids properly.

Parents need to have the proper understanding of deen and need to practice to the best of thier abilities in the first place, if they want to see their kids behave correctly. It's no use crying over bad children if their own behaviour is not up to scratch.

It's not all about the physical outward actions either, the parents need to have extremely strong iman such they would die for what they believe in. The kind of iman that if they were locked in a cell for the rest of their lives, they would not give up their faith and would not go against Allah for doing such an 'unfair' thing to them. They should be totally unmaterialistic and totally hearafter driven. This world should be meaningless to them.

They should dedicate their lives to what Islam says and they should give that same life perspective to their children.

If parents don't have that deeper understanding and only practice on a superficial level, they along with their kids will always be susceptible to the whispers of the shaytan always yearning for the next temporary buzz they can gain out of something found in this world. They are short-sighted and will inevitably pass that short sightedness to their children.

If kids are conditioned properly when they are young and given the correct belief on what this life really is, they won't be affected by heedlessness. That is the main problem people have, myself and many muslims included. They are like sheep, going about their daily life without proper realisation and inclination to really give it their all to Islam.

Don't introduce distractions, don't let the TV brainwash them or let them become materialistic and yearn after haram things. Raise them with proper respect for their elders. Don't give them too much 'freedom' at younger ages. It's pathetic that we have situations where when parents call their children for something, they spend ages in responding cos their heads are glued to the box! It should not be like that at all. This isn't something we should take for granted. Children should be taught to yearn to be good to their parents and ultimately Allah and not just see it as a duty that has been imposed upon them.

All these preventative measures have to start off at a young age. Give them the spiritual shield when they are young so that as they grow, they aren't damaged as much by the ammo of shaytan, be it drugs, girls, alcohol or whatever. Parents have to protect them from every single negative influence and they have to use everything in their power to do that. They can only do that if they have deep convictions in Islam in the first place.

It can't just be a set of dos and donts. As your own experience shows, that will never work. Parents have to inculcate the desire in the children to earn Allah's pleasure. That can't be done unless parents have that desire themselves. If money money money is all parents care for and they never pray quran in the house, salah or give zakat and don't have the requisite fear and trust in Allah then they don't stand a chance in raising pious children.

In this society, people hold a lot of nonsensical beliefs and there is so much confusing 'intellectual' rubbish out there. All sorts of crap that can play a havoc on a kid's unassuming innocent mind and left unchecked/unguarded, these things will destroy the pure fitrah and want to do good that children are born with, to be replaced with negative things like fulfilling the ego of the nafs, polluted by greed, lust, arrogance, pride, hate, anger or on the other side of the spectrum you can have them ending up with wierd agnostic, ultra feministic, liberal homo-tolerating ideologies infiltrating their souls.

It is the utmost responsibility of parents to prevent that from happening and if that means they have to home-school, then that should be the case. The deen is more important than anything and no compromise must be made.

We shouldn't feel the need to conform to anything other than Islam. Raise strong muslims that will change the world with the noor of iman that they have. That should be every muslim parent's goal.

The dua of a parent is readily accepted, so they should constantly be making dua for the guidance of their children.

[S<Chowdhury]

Brother with all due respect, forgive me if I come off sounding rude, I respect your view and I agree with many things you’ve said aswell. I’ll start off with the good points Yes parents -

:sl:
“They should dedicate their lives to what Islam says and they should give that same life perspective to their children”

If parents don't have that deeper understanding and only practice on a superficial level, they along with their kids will always be susceptible to the whispers of the shaytan always yearning for the next temporary buzz they can gain out of something found in this world. They are short-sighted and will inevitably pass that short sightedness to their children.

Don't introduce distractions, don't let the TV brainwash them or let them become materialistic and yearn after haram things.

Raise them with proper respect for their elders. Don't give them too much 'freedom' at younger ages.

By trying to concise my experience I guess I left a few things out, my parents convictions are dedicated to Islam, the reason me and my mother don’t see eye to eye is because of her strong convictions about Islam. My father was in the military before he moved to England so you can imagine his regime as a child, and leaving the house i wasn't able to unless my parents approved of it. The only way i could do what i desired at the time was by literally forcing my way out the door.

But Brother what your asking parents to do is take away there childhood honestly, forbidding them from being a child let alone human and make mistakes. Home schooling and locking them in the house without being able to talk to there peers, what happens when they actually need to step out into the world brother? They won't have the first hand clue and become vulnerable. How will they ever socialise, If parents and family are all the know?

A child isn't a colouring book, where you can fill your favourite colours and control them like that.

[Muezzin]

Are parents super heroes?

That depends.

[AlHoda]

:sl:
Alhamdullilah , I grew up in a proper islamic family, but the thing was until the age of 1\\
7 I was quite rebellious, S<Chowdhury I understand your point of view, I really do. I don'

[S<Chowdhury]

That depends.

LOL ;D nice sense of humour

[Nσσя'υℓ Jαииαн]

:sl:

I chose No, although I was stuck between the last two. But to be really technical I chose No.

The reason for this is...your parents will not always be around. Yes they teach you and help you understand what's right and whats wrong. On the other hand, not all parents will. Sooner or later you'll find yourself in a situation where they won't be there. We have parents for the sole reason that they are there for you and help you shape who you are...

At times it may not seem so...but they are a rahmah from Allah(swt). Put yourself in their shoes..imagine having a child who was completely rebellious and all they did was really worry for you and want to keep you safe. This is really a reason why they appear so strict. They are still ultimately humans and so they too will have shortcomings...

[Alpha Dude]

But Brother what your asking parents to do is take away there childhood honestly, forbidding them from being a child let alone human and make mistakes. Home schooling and locking them in the house without being able to talk to there peers, what happens when they actually need to step out into the world brother? They won't have the first hand clue and become vulnerable. How will they ever socialise, If parents and family are all the know?

Robbing them of their childhood? Define childhood for me. Go to any third world developing or war-torn country and ask them what having a childhood means. Ask all the people prior to the last century what childhood was about. Ask the people who have had difficult childhoods. Ask them how mature they were at young ages? How they were 'forced to grow up'.

It's all relative to the society and environment that you live in. Unfortunately for the kids in this day and age, society is more or less corrupt. Vice is the order of the day. They are bombarded with a million controlling blatant and subconscious messages that influence them toward behaving bad for the economic gain of hungry corporations that don't give a rat's ass about the damage that they are doing to the poor innocent souls.

Why would any sane muslim parent want a corrupt society to raise their children for them? I can see non-muslims from say the 1940's if ever given the chance to see how children behave today, having a heart attack. There is a stark difference between the maturity shown by children now than back then. They're so much more unintellectual and apathetic. Mass population control. They use TV and most other forms of entertainment to dumb down the population. Do you ever see the sort of crap that comes on the tele? They make children want to be like and emulate total non-entities portrayed in movies, shows etc. They are made to want to see what's going on in their lives. Celeb xyz took a dump and for some reason the world needs to know about it and it's good? How nonsensical.

It's not a shock to see 16/17 years old people behaving like total morons. Bodies of men but the brain and thinking power of 5 year olds who haven't had an ounce of mature thinking to do in their entire lives. Born into families that let the media raise them, who gave into all their materialistic desires - 'ooh mummy daddy, I want thissss' (which arises due to ruthless advertising campaigns by corporations). This same quenching of materialistic thirst leaves a massive hole in their spiritual armour. They only know selfishness and that they want their wants to be fulfilled. Then they're spoon fed education through the mass schooling system. Brainwashed into wanting more adult forms of (either physically or spiritually) self-destructive pleasure while in their teenage years.

You tell me who has been robbed more, these poor people, or the child who grows up with proper manners, humility, humbleness, politeness, selflessness, care for others, fear of God, respect for elders, can talk to anyone at any age, is an independent thinker and wants to assert positive change in the world, all due to careful (and 'controlled' if that's what you want to call it) parenting?

Are we going to let them have all the fun in the world that they want and gain all sorts of bad psychological habits and assume it's all good cos it's just them having fun? I think that's extremely careless parenting. This world is so messed up. How can you change society for the better except by being a good parent protecting your children from becoming zombies who just care for themselves and don't see past their own greed and desires?

Homeschooling is tough definitely and the danger does exist that there is a potential that they will have social problems, but that only occurs if the parents are not dedicated enough. They have to work overtime and very hard to ensure that the child's pshychological and social needs are met and not just confine the interaction to people the kid's own level.

It's a myth that home-schooled children will definitely grow up to be socially inept. There's so many things that can be done to offset the lack of school driven social interaction. It doesn't just have to be kid sat at home with mummy all day. Parents can be creative, take them out to museums, playgroups, study, sport groups with other like minded homeschoolers.

As muslims, 5 times a day daily prayer in the mosque. Who do they meet? People. They can not only learn to interact with other children their age, but also people much older. Rather than just being locked in school all day.

Education systems around the world produce robots, that are all controlled by governments and mass media into behaving in certain mostly materialistic ways. There's tremendous levels of social engineering at play which you are overlooking.

In schools, they hardly are taught to have their voice heard. Just raised to be another cog in the wheel that has to conform to the system that is already in place. They aren't taught to think past the barriers.

By homeschooling and taking an active involvement in a child's upbringing, parents can guide them into being independent thinkers. They're not all forced to sit in classes full of 30 others and a tired bored teacher who just wants to teach them enough to pass an exam.

I said in my first post that parents should want their kids to change the world with the noor of iman, how else would they do that if they weren't able to communicate with people?

The first step is to treat them like adults at an early age. None of this dumbing and talking down to them and making them believe they are not mature enough. Yet at the same time, of course parents shouldn't give them too much responsibility that they wouldn't be able to bear it. Parents would know their children more than anybody else in the world and so should know what their strengths and weaknesses are and should only give them so much that they are not overburdened.

Also, humans are not infallible. They will make mistakes and nobody should hold those mistakes against them, not least the parents. However, that doesn't mean we willingly put them into a position that they are far more likely to mess up. Again, nothing short of careless parenting.

A child isn't a colouring book, where you can fill your favourite colours and control them like that.

A parent wants what's best for his children. It's better colouring them with your favourite colours, than letting others with bad motives and ideals do it for you.

Like I said, make them yearn for Islam. If that happens, parenting wouldn't need to be militaristic. They would care for their deen by themselves more than anything else if they are taught properly. Much like how your father gave you a proper talking to which somewhat set you straight, except that kind of conversation should be happening from day one. Talk to them from the heart and guide them. They don't need to beat, force or have them on lock down.

If you raise them to think properly, they wouldn't feel they were being 'controlled' or kept out of having fun and thus would not rebel.

[S<Chowdhury]

Okey brother, again I agree with some parts of your argument “
Education systems around the world produce robots, that are all controlled by governments and mass media into behaving in certain mostly materialistic ways.”

“In schools, they hardly are taught to have their voice heard. Just raised to be another cog in the wheel that has to conform to the system that is already in place. They aren't taught to think past the barriers.”

To a certain extent I would agree there is a lot of spoon feeding going on in schools today, but can we really blame the government and the teachers for this downfall. It’s the mentality of everyone that causing the problem if the teachers start focusing on critical thinking skills, independent learning and analytical abilities and start moving away from the curriculum in some cases more than others the students begin not to learn what the exam board requires of them causing to fail the subject. And because our parent's generation have been brought up, with the concept that good grades = ability to rise above the crowd, instilled in them since they were young. Grades seem to take priority, doesn’t matter if he knows what he been taught just the fact he’s got an A will suffice.

But then I’am not defending the Government, the school system is like a conveyer belt. I think we are drifting away from parenting and into schooling but hmm your argument about home schooling, I guess there are a lot of Pro’s and Con’s about Home schooling though you may believe children will receive a better education at home than in a school. And a child may receive more one-on-one interaction at home than in a class of 20 to 30 children, there is no way a parent can possibly be well versed in every subject, no matter how intelligent or educated that parent is herself or himself. We would never expect a high school math teacher to teach French or an English teacher to teach advanced calculus or physics. Each of these teachers may be more than qualified in his or her respective field, but would likely be clueless in other disciplines. However, a home school parent expects to teach EVERY subject. Obviously, a home school parent can not possibly be an expert in everything.

You say As muslims, 5 times a day daily prayer in the mosque. Who do they meet? People. They can not only learn to interact with other children their age, but also people much older. Rather than just being locked in school all day.

They meet people but again of the same nature, what happens when they get a job ? Unless they are working in a Islamic State but even there they’ll come into contact with Non-believers and have to work along-side them. If they can only socialise with people with similar belief then how can they feel comfortable when someone else of a different faith, let alone work beside them.

“Are we going to let them have all the fun in the world that they want and gain all sorts of bad psychological habits and assume it's all good cos it's just them having fun?”

Not all the fun in the world but then whats childhood without a bit of fun? Being trapped within the limits of only parents, a selection of friends and family. But also if you are going to home tutor them are your gonna cover the basic topics covered in conventional schools or things only acceptable to Islam? The theory of Darwinism, other denominations for example? Just curious? Because if your only teaching them certain subjects whilst leaving others out then your spoon feeding your child and it becomes you “brainwashing them”. Your not allowing them to decide for themselves. If you want independent thinkers then why don’t you let them decide the religion ? You said you should take the first step and treat them like adults? Isn’t being an adult about being to make your own choices?

[Nσσя'υℓ Jαииαн]

Truth is you can't keep your kids locked in the home all day, unaware of the real world. The point is, Islam sets specific boundaries that you can't go past...so as long as we keep to them inshaAllah...there's nothing wrong about meeting people. The problem here is there isn't meant to be free mixing...and Islam encourages us to have GOOD company. The type of company you have affects you. So if you have bad company, those ill effects will rub off on you.

[Ali_uk]

Truth is you can't keep your kids locked in the home all day, unaware of the real world. The point is, Islam sets specific boundaries that you can't go past...so as long as we keep to them inshaAllah...there's nothing wrong about meeting people. The problem here is there isn't meant to be free mixing...and Islam encourages us to have GOOD company. The type of company you have affects you. So if you have bad company, those ill effects will rub off on you.

I agree with this, islam does set boundaries and it is upto us to do our best with our beliefs and the company we keep to help us protect our children from all we can.

[Somaiyah]

Assalamu alaykum,

No, I don't believe they can. Because they can never protect their children from death.

[S<Chowdhury]

Assalamu alaykum,

No, I don't believe they can. Because they can never protect their children from death.

I can't argue with that, but i meant haram/bad things in this world, things which we do have control over.

[sevgi]

No way. If Allah has written something for a child, it will happen even if the parent is a saint and overprotective etc. Everyone is the child of someone...if parents could protect, then no haram would be done.

Look at Hz. Adams two sons. One killed the other. They were the only humans alive so they had no other influence but their mother and father. Look at the sons of Hz. Yakoub. They threw his son, Hz. Yusuf into a ditch and pretended he died coz of their jealousy.

[Darth Ultor]

Parents, God bless them, can only do so much. There is a point when a child has to stand on his or her own two feet and face the world.

[Nσσя'υℓ Jαииαн]

^^Yup exactly.

[S<Chowdhury]

Parents, God bless them, can only do so much. There is a point when a child has to stand on his or her own two feet and face the world.

Exactly my point aswell yet not everyone thinks that well atleast 3 ppl dnt according to the poll

[Lynx]

There is no question of how much we love our parents and there is no question about there undying need to protect us from bad things whether we realise its bad or not.

But can they really protect us from everything?

I've touched this topic twice now in other replies yet there hasn't been a thread for it (that i knw of). Well in my opinion I would argue No they can't protect us from all the social pressures and issues whilst your a teen. Its a common misconception about how as parents especially Desi but its not restricted to them.

In my own personal experience as a teenager around the age of 15/16 and i will be open my relationship with my parents were strained to say the least. Both my parents are practising strict conservative Muslims and so was my family. They were not born in England so they were really "old-school" desi and really strict with me and my sister as children, both in terms of religion and discipline. But as i grew older in my teens i become curious about things that were wrong/sinful you could say, and began choosing bad options in life. For a while i was able to deceive my parents well, but you can only hide things from your parents for so long especially when your living at home with them and your mum does your laundry lmao.

My parents began to get worried naturally, so they came down hard on me, but i continued on regardless, no matter how hard my father could beat me and how loud my mother screamed at me, it got to the point of my Uncles involvement but them screaming and shouting at me, well it had the desired opposite effects, i ended up despising them even more for trying to control me, so i rebelled harder. I was met with even more stricter parenting tactics, it got to the point of nearly 24hr watch where i answered 21 Qs every hour, Where was I? Who was I with? etc...No parent can continue that over a long period nor can a teen keep answering the questions, it led my parents to desperation and me wanting to leave home.

I guess i "calmed down" as my parents say solely because of my father, he sat me down on numerous occasions , he was far more open minded. He tried to find the roots of my problems instead just punishing me, though at first i didn't want to listen at all, slowly he'd started to make me see sense, he was what i can recall the first Muslim adult to be totally be honest with me about issues.

Right now me and parents get on much better, but me and my mum rarely meet eye to eye. I still love them and with hindsight i feel guilty for putting them through it.

I guess my whole point is look my family were practising Muslim, from a early age they strived to keep me away from Haram things, taught me the Do's and Don't in life, and were very strict with me. You can follow the handbook to parenting to a T but always your child will experience some sort of bad social 'things' unless your home schooling them or you keep them away from there peers. But then your leaving them at a disadvantage by not letting them engage with peers. Parents are also now up against social networking and the internet in general.

Brothers and Sisters, I'm not saying every teen is the same, some respond well to strict parenting, others turn the other way, i guess you need to find a balance. Some Teens barely make a noise whilst others are not that quiet. I guess i personally believe though you can't protect them from every teen issue, but when they do come to that cross road, you've taught them well enough that they choose the right path, and hope for the best. You can't have success without failure, they need to learn by themselves sometimes.

Another point, though my problems was quite extreme, whilst going down this bad path, i met alot of muslim peers along the way both brothers and sisters, the reason i stopped was because my parents found out. Other parents are oblivious not because they are bad parents but teens can hide it very well, some soon grow out the phase but then some continue the lifestyle through into adulthood.

So its an interesting topic and one that does concern us all,

Another point a brother brought up is " a miss conception that Muslims generally think its ok to live in a kaafir society as long as you are practising your deen. But you just showed it that no matter what a Muslim does, living in a kaafir society WILL HAVE effects on him or his children"

Do you agree ?

IMHO, people have natural characteristics (genes or whatever) that lead them to a certain path. Parents should teach their kids what's right and wrong but they should explain to them why x is wrong. If a kid understands why something is wrong rather than just following it for the sake of it, then they will honor that rule. At the same time media and all that don't necessarily affect a child IMO. The most important thing is having friends who aren't into that stuff. And strict parenting is not really a good thing from what I've seen. When kids are punished for doing something bad they feel stressed out and guess what relieves that stress?..Those bad things :)

[cat eyes]

parents are not super hero's however a mothers duaa for her child to keep him out of harms way and to be a good muslim is very powerful. some parents dont even pray for there kids welfare... so no wonder they get in to all kinds of trouble thats the way i see it. i will say it again duaa is most powerful weapon to protect your kids simple as that!