I Love my Cousin but....

[Hassan1987]

I get the feeling she's scared, I basically told her how i felt and from just looking at her , i got the feeling like she wanted to say something back but didn't cause she's got two brothers who think marrying your cousin is basically incest and not allowed in Islam, i think if the brothers were more open to it, then she might of said something to me.

I told my mum about it and she even said to me that , she probably held back cause of the brothers.

If that's the case then why is it that half of my dad's cousins have married there cousin's and there kids have turned out fine, just don't get it to be honest with you.

And now i cant really talk to her cause had an argument with her, even said sorry to her but she still aint talking to me.

I keep thinking about her every moment i get, hell she's even in my dreams most of the time lol.

So what am i to do here, forget about her ???

or just be patient and wait ???

[CosmicPathos]

well if you are Islamically eligible to be married, and if your cousin is religiously devoted and you like her then I do not see any Islamic reason which prohibits you from marrying her, at least theoretically. Her brothers' ideas that it is incest are ludicrous and perverted thinking which they have acquired while growing in a unislamic society. Do not follow these whims and desires.

If your family has been marrying cousins for centuries and they have had some genetic diseases then it would be good to talk to a genetic counsellor.

[Hassan1987]

well if you are Islamically eligible to be married, and if your cousin is religiously devoted and you like her then I do not see any Islamic reason which prohibits you from marrying her, at least theoretically. Her brothers' ideas that it is incest are ludicrous and perverted thinking which they have acquired while growing in a unislamic society. Do not follow these whims and desires.

If your family has been marrying cousins for centuries and they have had some genetic diseases then it would be good to talk to a genetic counsellor.

that's the thing , the cousins i know that have married each other , have got really beautiful kids, nothing wrong with them at all, so you know i don't know where all this genetic crap comes from.

[Malaikah]

It isn't genetic 'crap'. No one who knows whey they are talking about will say children born of cousin marriages WILL be disabled, it is only the RISK that increases... so if the risk of a certain disease occurring in a child is 1%, it may be 2% in children born to related parents. Even here, it is only a problem if there is a recessive disease in the family.

Again, it is only an increased risk.

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[cat eyes]

if her brothers are causing problems for both of you now they will cause problems for both of you when both of you are married. they sound like trouble. the prophet mohammad (SAW) Encouraged us not to get married in to the family rather marry some one from out side. all the best.

[Darth Ultor]

I say think about what your cousin wants. I don't think it's incest. Yakub (pbuh) married his cousins. However, your cousin needs to love you that way in return. If she says no, then accept it.

[AhmadibnNasroon]

I get the feeling she's scared, I basically told her how i felt and from just looking at her , i got the feeling like she wanted to say something back but didn't cause she's got two brothers who think marrying your cousin is basically incest and not allowed in Islam, i think if the brothers were more open to it, then she might of said something to me.

I told my mum about it and she even said to me that , she probably held back cause of the brothers.

If that's the case then why is it that half of my dad's cousins have married there cousin's and there kids have turned out fine, just don't get it to be honest with you.

And now i cant really talk to her cause had an argument with her, even said sorry to her but she still aint talking to me.

I keep thinking about her every moment i get, hell she's even in my dreams most of the time lol.

So what am i to do here, forget about her ???

or just be patient and wait ???

why not just talk her dad or have your parents talk to her parents?

[Muslim Woman]

:sl:

.. she's got two brothers who think marrying your cousin is basically incest and not allowed in Islam

Tell them about the Quranic verse : Forbidden to you (for marriage) are: your mothers, your daughters, your sisters, your fathers sisters, your mothers sisters, your brothers daughters, your sisters daughters, your foster mother who gave you suck, your foster milk suckling sisters, your wives mothers, your step daughters under your guardianship, born of your wives to whom you have gone in - but there is no sin on you if you have not gone in them (to marry their daughters), - the wives of your sons who (spring) from your own loins, and two sisters in wedlock at the same time, except for what has already passed; verily, Allah is OftForgiving, Most Merciful.
( سورة النساء , An-Nisa, Chapter #4, Verse #23)

cousin is not mentioned here . So , it's allowed.

Br. offer Istekhara salat and if u have a positive feeling about marrying cousin , then talk to your parent and send proposal to her parent .

[heavenlyspot]

Salaam Alaikum Brother,

Marrying your cousin is permitted in Islam, however in my opinion if her brothers are talking to you this way now, then I don't presume that they're going to give you an easy time during the marriage. Look for a spouse who's family will give you their blessing and support, not the opposite :-)

I'm in the same dilemma. My cousin wants to marry me, and as much as he's a good Muslim MashAllah I don't want any conflicts to occur in our family, which is possible if we marry.

[Hassan1987]

You know as much as I'd love for this to happen, i don't think it ever is :cry:

i recently found out some stuff about the cousin that i like, So just after my gran pass's away, she set's her eye's on my dad's cousin's son and ever since then they have been texting away to each other. The sad thing is nobody knew until just recently. The other two things are my dad's cousin's son even went as far as going to her house to ask her parents to marry her.

And she basically say's to him, after flirting, talking to him all those weeks and month's to go stuff yourself not ever going to happen.

In return my dad's cousin's son phone's my mum and Tell's her everything.

Now the second thing is She has all so been Flirting away with my other Cousin in Pakistan apparently it was so serious there was talk of marriage, that was until she got this idea in her head that the only reason he was with her was for a visa to the UK.

From what I've been told recently is that she's seeing this other guy and it's supposed to be serious again+o(

funny thing is ever since I've found out this stuff, she's not said two words to me, I've emailed her. once or twice but nothing not even a single word .

and to be honest I've had it, i just want her out of my head, i'm sick of thinking about her constantly.

Best thing to do is ignore her and her family altogether , forget they exist , maybe just maybe she might get out of bloody head:hmm:.

And even though my Mum and her Mum are sister's , her family doesn't think very highly of my family cause were not up to there standard's , meaning there rich and my family is not , they have a shop, 3 cars, and a big house, we don't.

And to top it all, the brother's drink, one brother is going out with a white woman , the mum and dad don't know they have also just recently done hajj, so you know i feel really sorry for them, i really really do . they also call them self's religious Muslim's.

And I've got nothing but respect for her mum and dad, but I'm at a point where I'm thinking of just killing myself.

Its better then going through this pain that I'm feeling.

Salaam Alaikum Brother,

Marrying your cousin is permitted in Islam, however in my opinion if her brothers are talking to you this way now, then I don't presume that they're going to give you an easy time during the marriage. Look for a spouse who's family will give you their blessing and support, not the opposite :-)

I'm in the same dilemma. My cousin wants to marry me, and as much as he's a good Muslim MashAllah I don't want any conflicts to occur in our family, which is possible if we marry.

[Insaanah]

I'm at a point where I'm thinking of just killing myself.

Its better then going through this pain that I'm feeling.

Why think of killing yourself when Allah has shown you what she's like before you got married. Instead of that you should be so grateful and thankful that Yaa Allah, thank you for showing me now, not later. Alhamdulillah you didn't marry her. The way to thank Allah is not to think of ending your life before He has decreed it for you. That is a major sin. Be grateful for the huge favour that Allah has bestowed on you by showing what she's like and by protecting you from her, by going into sujood of thanks to Allah that you didn't ruin your future.

Does she have the character of a Muslim woman who you would like to be your wiife? If not, make du'aa for Allah to give you a pious wife, inform your family to look for someone else.

Remember Allah's saying, "...It may be that you hate a thing and it is good for you. And it may be that you love a thing and it is bad for you. Allah knows, and you know not." (Surah al-Baqarah, part of ayah 216)

:sl:

[Hassan1987]

She definitely does but I've come to realize she put's it on as an act in front of people, she claim's to read namaz as well but who am i to judge.

i would say her bigger sister is more religious then all of them put together, i guess that would explain why both of them don't get on.

.

Does she have the character of a Muslim woman who you would like to be your wiife?

:sl:

[cat eyes]

plenty more fish in the sea to think that you want to take your life is crazy man.

My gosh are you really gone utterly mad??

Allah has showed you that she is a player. she plays the boys. your better off without her.

[Sawdah]

And I've got nothing but respect for her mum and dad, but I'm at a point where I'm thinking of just killing myself.

Its better then going through this pain that I'm feeling.

This news may be hard on you brother , but look at it this way, alhamdulillah you know this now and not later on. You could have been married to someone that is actually firting with two other brothers without you even knowing it.

Alhamdulillah you know this now so that you don't regret later on.

May Allah give you a righteous wife that you will be pleased with.

[Darth Ultor]

Never say "kill myself" in my presence again. Life is sacred, and you would throw it away because of her? I actually have physical disabilities, and I have to endure neurological pains and neurosurgeries every few years, but I am a fighter and an optimist. There are worse things in this world that could happen to all of us. You will find the woman who is right for you, I know it hurts, but your cousin isn't the one it seems.

[Italianguy]

My father commited suicide! That is not funny or humorous to talk about. There is nothing on this earth worth killing yourself over! EVER. I am not sure about Islam, but in Roman catholicism, if you take your own life, you guarontee your place in the hellfire, being burnt over and over, for eternity! If you are having suicidle thoughts , you must get help.

God be with you.

[Darth Ultor]

It is forbidden in Islam. Completely.

[cat eyes]

:sl:getting hurt by somebody whom you love is painful theres no doubt about

that its an illness that could take possibly years to be cured from but just

think if you can't take the pain of being hurt by human so how on earth is

anybody going to take the pain of the punishments of your creator for taking

your life that you had absolutely no right to take but people don't think about

that at all i mean i strongly believe that even thinking about i believe a person should ask forgiveness from Allah swt.

i hope inshaAllah you get a fast recovery and find somebody special who's worth shedding tears over but our DEEN comes first.





dry your eyes mate.. :D
plenty more fish in the sea....
:wa:

[S<Chowdhury]

but I'm at a point where I'm thinking of just killing myself.

Oh dear, seriously over a girl, your willing to kill yourself? Your understandably upset so I'm hoping that was just an empty threat at a moment of weakness, if not you obviously require some special assistance. Everyone else has seem to emphaised the importance of not thinking like this. Anyway like cat eyes said plenty more fish in the sea brother :statisfie

[flowergarden]

Salaam Alaikum brother. Please don't feel hurt for this. I know it is easy said than done. But I really feel that she is not the person for you! I feel Allah has someone better in store for you. You seem like a reall faithful person, and a very nice young man. I can tell from just this a good women will be there for you, and will fight. I have always said fight for the one you love, and if someone doesn't than they are not worth your love. Brother, please don't ever think of killing yourself. I once was in the same poisition as you, and thought of someone constantly, and I wanted to end my life because I always left sorrowed... but the truth is, you have so many people loving you, their hearts would break so much if you even were hurt. And All of us here on this site are here for you brother. I tell you something, love is about always being there for someone, not only having their back but just making sure they never fall. You will find a dear wife for you, your young and I defiantly know you will have a lovely wife who will fight to be with you, and you and your family will always be along... Yes I know marriage is not always fun, but when it comes down to it, you;ll be there for one another, and you will work it out... but justy wait for that special someone... And brother please don't be hurt if it is not her.. Allah knows best, and remember this quote -----> "Think not you can direct the course of love, for love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course". Please be strrong for the sake of Allah and know that all wounds heal with the help of Allah and the Patience you ask of Allah--- We're here for you!

[aadil77]

This thread is more than year old, he's probably already come to a decision :hmm:

[Abz2000]

it's a weird feeling to be in love - especially the way you grin to yourself when you get over it and remember all the foolish things you said and did, but hey - it's a feeling that somehow overwhelms a person at the time, everyone - go easy on the brother!
if it works out while you are calm and composed without acting desperate - then great,
but remember, even girls like to see men as something to catch, and grovelling too much makes you inferior and easy to get in their sight.
and her family will discuss you amongst themselves as a problem to protect her from rather than a suitor they must please.
that doesn't mean you have to punch her in the face or anything just to show them you don't care, ;D
just striking a balance.
i would personally advise you to stay calm about it and stay immersed in activities that will ensure you spend the least time you can antagonising over her and feeling weak and helpless.
cheer up, don't watch too much bollywood with all it's sad fake sobs stories, and read about the battles of the Prophet (pbuh) and the sahabah, that will work towards strengthening your heart and stop feeling weak,
and definitely do spend a lot of time laughing or joking, it helps a lot. and watch this FUNNY call center episode with a woman bent on suicide, when she heard them squabbling - she gave up and chucked the toaster out the bath more out of confusion and anger than out of desperation - picture people seeing you as that woman and you'll surely feel like hiding in a corner:

[Salahudeen]

This thread is more than year old, he's probably already come to a decision :hmm:

Probably married with a kid by now ;D