How do you deal with finding out some 1 in your family fornicatted?

[AnonymousPoster]

I've just learnt a women in my family has fornicated with a guy in the back of a car and finding it really hard to deal with. I all ways looked at her as a decent girl who would never do such a thing :cry:

I'm finding it hard to come to terms with, I've called her all the abusive names under the sun.

[جوري]

:sl:

have you spoken with her about this? confronted her? do you know this fornication to be a fact and not hearsay?

يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا اجْتَنِبُوا كَثِيراً مِّنَ الظَّنِّ إِنَّ بَعْضَ الظَّنِّ إِثْمٌ وَلَا تَجَسَّسُوا وَلَا يَغْتَب بَّعْضُكُم بَعْضًا أَيُحِبُّ أَحَدُكُمْ أَن يَأْكُلَ لَحْمَ أَخِيهِ مَيْتًا فَكَرِهْتُمُوهُ وَاتَّقُوا اللَّهَ إِنَّ اللَّهَ تَوَّابٌ رَّحِيمٌ {12}
[Pickthal 49:12] O ye who believe! Shun much suspicion; for lo! some suspicion is a crime. And spy not, neither backbite one another. Would one of you love to eat the flesh of his dead brother? Ye abhor that (so abhor the other)! And keep your duty (to Allah). Lo! Allah is Relenting, Merciful

:w:

[Alpha Dude]

:sl:

I'm finding it hard to come to terms with, I've called her all the abusive names under the sun.

I understand why you would feel this way, but (assuming it's true) you have to stop yourself from judging. Hate the sin and not the sinner. Nobody is perfect and everybody is susceptible to the whispers of the shaytan, even you. Try your best to guide her with mercy.

Never hold yourself to be above anybody else and beyond making the same mistakes. Thank Allah for the guidance and protection he has given you and make dua that others gain the same understanding and more. A reminder to myself first.

[IbnAbdulHakim]

When our beloved sallallahi alaihi wasallaam was unsure of this due to rumours regarding his beloved wife, Aaisha, until it was clarified by Allaah (the story of ifk), he simply advised her "if it is true, repent and seek forgiveness from Allaah".


and he kept his distance. And he gave the cold shoulder.



i suggest you take the same stance. Show her that she has distanced herself with her sins, and she needs to repent and come closer to Allaah, and with that your family will overtime (this is very important, OVER TIME) forgive her! be harsh with her at the beginning, and slowly be gentle..


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[Ummu Sufyaan]

:sl:
be utterly heartbroken, kick her a$$, then i'd come to a realization that i couldn't do anything about it and that i should channel that anger into something useful and that would be to encourage her to repent and give dawah to her to change her ways.
i wouldn't go to 2 extremes: 1. be kind and gentle as if she didn't do anything wrong and 2: be excessively stern with her because there is no point if that anger isn't channeled towards something useful.
in the former situation, you might as well as be praising her, she wont learn from her mistake and think she is doing something right so this is where the latter comes in: with the anger she knows she is doing something wrong, but at the same time it will lead her towards something good, inshallah.

EDIT: i forgot to mention i would make sure 100% and try to verify these claims before i did anything.

[AnonymousPoster]

First off, you cant ever be sure whoever told you told you the truth unless she herself admitted to the deed.

Second, its not your job to judge or punish her.

Third, dont ask for a pity parade, suck it up and move on no one is perfect.

Fourth, as a muslimah you should be kind, courteous and respectful to everyone regardless of what you feel inside. This girl IF she did do what someone claims she did, she needs guidance and encouragement to repent and move into the right direction, who knows--maybe you could be that person.

Fifth, i dont care who you are, what religion, what race, what ethnicity no one should call anyone names ESPECIALLY not a muslimah.

[Muslim Woman]

:sl:

I've just learnt a women in my family has fornicated .

How do u know ? Do u have 4 witnesses ?

And those who accuse chaste women, and produce not four witnesses, flog them with eighty stripes, and reject their testimony forever, they indeed are the Fasiqoon (liars, rebellious, disobedient to Allah).
( سورة النور , An-Noor, Chapter #24, Verse #4)

[cat eyes]

:sl: i think the anonymous gender is sure she did commit this act other wise i don't think he/she would have made this thread if they were just going by suspicion.

i hope inshaAllah for her sake she will mend her ways and change for the better. also i would recommend you get her involved with some pious sisters at her local mosque.. get her to intend islamic lectures with them. arrange weekly taleems every week for her. you could get in contact with the imaam at the mosque, give her number to him and he will pass her number on to a sister who organises the taleems. she can benefit from it and gain knowledge through attending these group circles and learn about her deen.

she just needs a push in the right direction then Allah swt will do the rest.

please encourage her as best you can :)
:wa:

[Sawdah]

:sl:
I strongly suggests her to listen to Bilal Assad's : Ahmad The Repenter

From Kalamullah:

The speaker commences the lecture by explaining the importance of repenting to Allah without despairing from His Mercy and forgiveness. The main topic of this talk is about the recent unforgetfull true story of a man called Ahmad, who struggled to live a normal life after committing a major sin. The speaker takes us on a rollacaster ride with Ahmad on his quest for forgiveness, sharing with us his joy and sadness and details the lessons that can be learnt from this emotional, heartbreaking story.


Link to the lecture:http://www.kalamullah.com/Bilal%20As...20Repenter.mp3
Source:http://www.kalamullah.com/bilal-assad.html

[AnonymousPoster]

It happened a few years ago but I found out recently when I walked in on her talking to him on msn. she was saying to him what they did was wrong and they should both repent. she didn't know I was behind her.

[*KB*]

:sl: and Peace to All

I understand that you are confused and are seeking advice. I think Brother IbnAbdulHakim's advice is one to go by and also Brother Alpha Dude's. The advice given by the rest of the Brothers and Sisters are important to take notice from but all i can say is to make Duaa to Allah for Allah is Most Merciful and All Knowing.

To be honest, you shouldnt have been reading her conversation :/ But whatever Allah does, Allah does for the best.

Insha'Allah you will find peace and find a solution in which you find comfort in. Take Care.

:sl: and Peace
*KB*
:coolious:

[Asiyah3]

she was saying to him what they did was wrong and they should both repent.

None of us is free from sin. Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) said, “Every son of Adam is a sinner, and the best of sinners are those who turn (to Allah) in repentance.”

May Allah guide her

[sevgi]

Its been two years. She older and smarter and obviously loves the guy enough to encourage him to repent. Maybe you should love her that much too.

Seriously, over time, you find yourself doing things you would have killed others for doing. Never let anger get the best of you. It is poison.

She already feels bad about it...and now she just hates herself more...and probably hates you too.

[Dagless]

Sister, its her mistake to make, and not something for you to judge or even forgive. Its between her and God.

It happened a few years ago but I found out recently when I walked in on her talking to him on msn. she was saying to him what they did was wrong and they should both repent. she didn't know I was behind her.

I hate it when people sneak up on me and I'm sure no matter how good you are you wouldn't want someone reading your private conversations with other people. So don't do it to others. If you see an msn window why look at it? Judge your eavesdropping before judging others. A simple cough when entering a room is sufficient.

[CosmicPathos]

Well of course its a major sin and we should not decrease the graveness of the situation by calling it her "honest mistake." You have to be stern with her on this matter. Being stern, HOWEVER, does not mean to insult or to be unjust. If she did it once, she might do it again. She might not. She MUST be reminded of the graveness of the situation and the filthy nature of the act.

After constant warnings, if she does not stop and continues to talk to the same lunatic guy and your parents find out, they have every right to correct her and if she does not understand, they can tell her to move out. No good Muslim wants to live with a constant fornicator.

[Woodrow]

Sins are contagious. When we learn of the sins of another we often experience anger and fall into the sins of Judgment and back-biting.

Far better to let Allaah(swt) handle the sins of others. Our best choice is to let our anger subside and then with love, point out to the offender the need to repent and to remember that we are not the ones who committed the sin, even if we are hurt by it.

[Danah]

What happened had happened now, you can't change anything. You are not sure even if its true that it happened.
You are not sure even if she was welling that to happen or she was a victim. The only thing you can do now is helping her to be a better person instead of leaving her being astray in that path.

[AnonymousPoster]

Not the poster


Woah so she repented and you went off on her? What gives you the right to do that? seriously some people just confuse me. are miss perfect over there? free of sin completely?

people makes mistakes. theres a woman who goes to my masjid and she used to be a PROSTITUTE, she even has some tattoos on her arms that she covers up now but ive seen them in the wash room.
shes married now to a muslim man and has children with him and is one of the most active woman in our community doing all kinds of wonderful things for the masjid
the point: PEOPLE MAKE MISTAKES!!
no one has the right to atttack ANYONE. youre being selfish for making this about YOU who cares how YOU feel about this, you either should focus on helping her out or stay out of it altogether

[AlbanianMuslim]

Sins are contagious. When we learn of the sins of another we often experience anger and fall into the sins of Judgment and back-biting.

Far better to let Allaah(swt) handle the sins of others. Our best choice is to let our anger subside and then with love, point out to the offender the need to repent and to remember that we are not the ones who committed the sin, even if we are hurt by it.

As always you say it best.

Call me crazy but I feel like this thread should be closed. There isnt much to discuss here and its starting to feel like backbiting. Every post has a theme here and that is for the original poster to let it go and strive to encourage her relative or friend or whoever it is to repent and pray for forgiveness.

[cat eyes]

Not the poster


Woah so she repented and you went off on her? What gives you the right to do that? seriously some people just confuse me. are miss perfect over there? free of sin completely?

people makes mistakes. theres a woman who goes to my masjid and she used to be a PROSTITUTE, she even has some tattoos on her arms that she covers up now but ive seen them in the wash room.
shes married now to a muslim man and has children with him and is one of the most active woman in our community doing all kinds of wonderful things for the masjid
the point: PEOPLE MAKE MISTAKES!!
no one has the right to atttack ANYONE. youre being selfish for making this about YOU who cares how YOU feel about this, you either should focus on helping her out or stay out of it altogether

no this thread should not be closed but this post above should be deleted! its not helping anyone either. please be a little more gentle. u are not in the persons shoes

[sabr*]

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

Bismillā hir Rahmā nir Rahīm
In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful

اشْهَدُ انْ لّآ اِلهَ اِلَّا اللّهُ وَ اَشْهَدُ اَنَّ مُحَمَّدً اعَبْدُه وَ رسوله

Ašh hadu al-lā ilāha illā-llāhu, wa ašh hadu anna Muhammadun ‘abduhu wa rasūluhu
I bear witness that none is worthy of worship but Allah, the One alone, without partner, and I bear witness that Muhammad is His servant and Messenger


As-Salāmu `Alaykum (السلام عليكم):

Discontinue listening to this evil talk! This thread needs to be closed.
Publishing the faults of other Muslims like it is a soap opera hanging on to every word. Subhanallah! :raging:


Volume 7, Book 62, Number 74:

Narrated Abu Huraira:

The Prophet said, "Beware of suspicion (about others), as suspicion is the falsest talk, and do not spy upon each other, and do not listen to the evil talk of the people about others' affairs, and do not have enmity with one another, but be brothers. And none should ask for the hand of a girl who is already engaged to his (Muslim) brother, but one should wait till the first suitor marries her or leaves her."

[AlbanianMuslim]

^
Agreed one hundred thousand percent brother. This thread needs to be closed. Frankly, threads like this I feel like are unnecessary. If the sinner comes here asking for guidance its one thing but when it is someone else talking about another human beings sins its really not appropriate to discuss other peoples sins. Just my opinion I guess.

[AnonymousPoster]

Not the poster


Woah so she repented and you went off on her? What gives you the right to do that? seriously some people just confuse me. are miss perfect over there? free of sin completely?

people makes mistakes. theres a woman who goes to my masjid and she used to be a PROSTITUTE, she even has some tattoos on her arms that she covers up now but ive seen them in the wash room.
shes married now to a muslim man and has children with him and is one of the most active woman in our community doing all kinds of wonderful things for the masjid
the point: PEOPLE MAKE MISTAKES!!
no one has the right to atttack ANYONE. youre being selfish for making this about YOU who cares how YOU feel about this, you either should focus on helping her out or stay out of it altogether

what gives me the right is I'm her mehram and she's my responsibility, and I haven't mentioned the full story here so don't be so quick to jump down my throat. not free of sin no but that doesn't mean we don't speak out and admonish people under our authority for doing evil.

if some 1 does evil in ur house are you jus gonna let them do it and not tell them off?

yeah I know people make mistakes but as I said you don't know the full story and how many mistakes there was, I think how I feel is quite relevant since I'm very closely related, the closest possible relation you can have, are you telling me just for example, if your mother or sister was doing nude modelling in a news paper you'd be selfish for asking her to care about how you feel?

would it be selfish creating a thread asking for advice on how to deal with the sitation? obviously not, and I won't stay out of it when it's going on under my roof.

please if you don't have anything constructive to say, then don't say it at all.

[CosmicPathos]

Not the poster


Woah so she repented and you went off on her? What gives you the right to do that? seriously some people just confuse me. are miss perfect over there? free of sin completely?

people makes mistakes. theres a woman who goes to my masjid and she used to be a PROSTITUTE, she even has some tattoos on her arms that she covers up now but ive seen them in the wash room.
shes married now to a muslim man and has children with him and is one of the most active woman in our community doing all kinds of wonderful things for the masjid
the point: PEOPLE MAKE MISTAKES!!
no one has the right to atttack ANYONE. youre being selfish for making this about YOU who cares how YOU feel about this, you either should focus on helping her out or stay out of it altogether

Enough with this apologetic attitude. Allhamdulillah, we strive to be free of major sin and fornication is one major sin. The OP talks about someone in his family doing a major sin, you want him to let is slip away like that?

Insult is not the way, of course. It, however, does not mean that one take a soft stance. The OP has every right to be stern with her. And how do you know she has repented? She's still talking to that deceptive adulterer on the phone and that is how OP got to listen to it. Yes we should not listen to anyones private convo, but its not like OP went out of his way to listen to it. It was ALlah's way of disclosing the sin so that the OP's family member be protected from furthering into the abhorrent act.

The example of that prostitute-turned-Muslimah is irrelevant to this post. And talk about judging. You judged from her tattoos that she is a prostitute? sub7anAllah.

[AnonymousPoster]

Enough with this apologetic attitude. Allhamdulillah, we strive to be free of major sin and fornication is one major sin. The OP talks about someone in his family doing a major sin, you want him to let is slip away like that?

Insult is not the way, of course. It, however, does not mean that one take a soft stance. The OP has every right to be stern with her. And how do you know she has repented? She's still talking to that adulterer on that phone and that is how OP got to listen to it. Yes we should not listen to anyones private convo, but its not like OP went out of his way to listen to it. It was ALlah's way of disclosing the sin so that the OP's family member be protected from furthering into the abhorrent act.

The example of that prostitute-turned-Muslimah is irrelevant to this post. She might be still a sinner and you have made her a angle-like just cuz she has accepted Islam? Who knows what she does in her house?

thank you i agree, but I saw her msn convo, not fone. I find it quite absurd they expect me to be like "oh don't worry it's minor no big deal" I would be that way if she hadn't done such a major sin.

When this previously happened on another occassion I took the soft stance with her and look how it turned out? can you blame me for being stern this time. I didn't wanna disclose that. but the ignorant post needed answering.

as I said the person who made that post doesn't know the full story so they shouldn't jump down my throat. Alhamdulilah I am aware of her nature now and will implement measures to make sure it won't happen again.

[CosmicPathos]

thank you i agree, but I saw her msn convo, not fone. I find it quite absurd they expect me to be like "oh don't worry it's minor no big deal" I would be that way if she hadn't done such a major sin.

When this previously happened on another occassion I took the soft stance with her and look how it turned out? can you blame me for being stern this time. I didn't wanna disclose that. but the ignorant post needed answering.

as I said the person who made that post doesn't know the full story so they shouldn't jump down my throat. Alhamdulilah I am aware of her nature now and will implement measures to make sure it won't happen again.

Make sure that you do not insult her because insulting (by calling names, or attacking on one's ego) is not from Islamic mannerisms. That will make her rebellious. But do make sure that you let her feel what she has done is wrong and that you are not cool with it and that if she continues there will be severe repercussions.

[sabr*]

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

Bismillā hir Rahmā nir Rahīm
In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful

As-Salāmu `Alaykum (السلام عليكم):

My Dear practicing Muslims:

Can we agree that when someone requests advice regarding a personal manner that includes someone who is unable to defend themselves that the question should be generalized and not include soap opera details that become salacious in nature.

In Islam witnesses are required to establish the validity of a major sin. Anyone providing sound advice regarding more than one party always takes into account the other persons account of events.

Can we agree that some of these posts requesting advice enter into Fitna and Zina and insult the mind and eyes.
:phew

Reread hadith Posted!

[Woodrow]

:sl:

There are some replies in this thread that are of value. But for the most part this is becoming back biting, judgmental and a soap opera.

To keep from loosing the good posts, I am not going to delete the thread, but I am not going to let the daily soap opera continue any further.


:threadclo: