format_quote Originally Posted by
islamiclife
^wa'alaykum as-salam
akhee, may Allah preserve you, your answer is correct to certain extent; however all the irrational reasons you mentioned could be legitimate reasons.
Assalamualaikum, akhee. Thanks for the reply.
For example, if a brother is poor and he cannot provide her enough which is his obligation and sister ends up doing a haraam job to make up financial costs then that is a legitimate reason to not marry him.
Poverty is not legitimate reason. I know, some poor people do haraam job because they need money. But actually it would not happen to people who have strong iman. People with strong iman have better motivation to get a better future. It is true, akhee, there is a relation between strong iman and better motivation. Even people like this can leave their poverty and change their status from 'Mustahik' (Muslim who receive zakat) into 'Muzzaki' (Muslim who gives zakat).
I know parents are worry if their daughters marry poor men, their daughter would live in poverty. They are right if they are thinking only about today. But no one know what will happen tomorrow. Probably those poor men would become rich men. I have some friends (male) who were poor at the past, even they were poor in first years of their marriage. But now they have become hajj, they have their own houses and cars, and they can help poor people.
Many people are poor because they were born in poor families. But it doesn't means they would poor in the rest of their life. They always have chances to leave their poverty although many of them never realize it. Allah always give them chances because Allah is fair.
I write this answer based on true stories but not my story. I was born in 'not poor' family, alhamdulillah. But I found some cases, a man with very good deed and behavior, hard worker, and can guide a wife in Islam way, wants to marry a woman. This woman accept his marriage proposal, but this woman's family prevent her to marry this man just because this man is poor and came from poor family.
I am sure this is not legitimate reason, because in this case, this rich family are forget if in the front of Allah, there is no different between rich person and poor person. But there is different between person who has good 'Ahlak' and person who has bad 'Ahlak'.
(Sorry, I cannot find a right translation for 'Ahlak' in English).
Similarly, if the cultural differences end up breaking the ties of kinship with your partents or cause unnecessary dis-likeness in hearts for each other or cause other family problems then that is a legitimate reason.
Not every cultural diversity causing bad consequence like this. I know some women who marry men from different cultures but they live in happy. And don't forget, human have capability for adaption with other culture.
But unfortunately, sometime people have misconception about other tribes/nations. In example, they think people from tribe 'A' are rude, people from nation 'B' are lazy.
Maybe they are forget if actually people from other tribes/nations are their families.
"O people, we created you from the same male and female, and rendered you distinct peoples and tribes, that you may recognize one another..........."
(Qur'an. Surah Al-Hujurat : 13)
So, prevent a marriage just because the man is comes from different tribe/nation/culture is not shar'i.
Likewise, if brother is not good looking and it doesn't help sister to lower her gaze then that is a legitimate reason.
If the sister can accept this 'not good looking' brother as her husband why her family must deny him ?. Is that because this brother is not handsome ?.
This is also not a shar'i reason. This brother is a creation, but who is the creator ?.
Just imagine, akhee. If you create a souvenir then you give it to someone, but this someone tell you "It's bad, I can't accept it". So, what you feel ?.
Whether these be considered legitimate shari reasons, Allahu A'lam
After giving all the advices and ruling about the marriage, the Messenger of Allah (sal-allahu alayhi wa sallam) also said that choose that which is easy for you.
I have no comment for this. But I want to say "Jazak Allah Khair". :)