My dear,
What do you want? Forget about everyone else, forget about what everyone else might want. What do you want? Once you establish that then that's half the battle.
I admire you for giving your marriage a shot, I am not going to say to you to leave him, just give you the options as its down to you to decide what you do.
Either way you need to look at communication, whenyou talk to your husband, talk from the heart. Don't tell him what you think he wants to hear. Have you told him how you feel when he disrespects your family?
Have you told him how you felt? Have you told him you feel isolated? I know its hard in a different country, I have done it many a time. Are there any groups you could get involved in. Is there a British Council near you?
Can you see about doing some courses maybe online?
You sound like a very smart independant woman, sometimes we need men to balance us, but he has to be your equal.
If you decide to leave your husband, do it with your head held high. It has been a learning curve, take the lessons you have learnt.
I am concerned about the self harm. It's easy to resort to I know trust me, but maybe look at chanelling the feelings you get. When you feel like your getting worked up...maybe get a punch bag? I find writing helps. As often when you write you end up answering your own questions, I think you know already what you want to do.
Its down to you what you do next...
But be positive, if you feel like you cant do something then you know what you wont. But if you change your thought then you can acheive anything wherever you are.
Take care and lots of love & light
format_quote Originally Posted by
AnonymousGender
A bit of advice and guidance is what i need. This is a bit long
I have been married for nearly 4 years... I had a forced married and my husband is from pakistan and im from the uk. I wasn;t ready and didn;t want to get married but i had a lot of pressure and i got married.
Once i got married my husband came to the uk and i couldn;t cope with any of it. Someone in my personal space etc... we have very different view point etc. My husband try his best to communicate with me and was very good to me but i jst could cope with the situation.
I made my self very ill, i was depressed n used to self harm. ( Im not proud of any of it but thats life)
After nearly 2 years of arguing everyday. We had a lot of other family stuff going on and my husband argued with my parent n everyone else about the other family situation.
After that i applyed for his 'stay' to live in the uk as my husband permentaly but he decided to leave me, i got annoyed and wrote a letter and stoped this from happening.
After that he left and i never got in touch with him either. After the first year i realsied that i really do love my husband and i do want o stay with him, after that i started to make the efforted and my husband stopped.
He believe that i don;t want to be with him, i can completly see why he though that.
After about 6 months he got back in touch with me.
the situation now is that he wants me to move away frm my family as he can;t stand my family and want me to move closer to where his brothers live, if i want the marriage to work.
I decided that this would be the right decision for me and left my family and moved to somewhere where it was only his family. I don;t have any family or friends and im currently not working. I feel a little isolated.
the problem now is that he never finanically supported mein the marriage and as i was working befor it didn;t bothered me, but it does know.
I realise that he is very different to me and doesn;t really understand me and i don;t think he ever will, we want different things in life and he wants me to be a housewife and have kids. I also find it hard that he can;t stand my family and even today slags my family off. I don;t really think i can live with someone who has no respect for my family as i am very close to them.
My husband says that he doesn;t think bad of my family but when he talks about them its a very different situation all together.
I don;t want to be a housewife, i believe that there is so much more to life them this.... (no offence to people who are home maker and choose this) i can respect that im just not ready for that. It would be different if this was my chose!
so now im in a sitation which i have choosen...the question is what shoudl i do?
Sorry i now its a bit long.... but its all relevant... lol