Please Help Me, serious advice needed from islamic perspective

[AnonymousPoster]

As salamu alaykum, this is long but please please please read.



I’m an eighteen year old girl and I’m in desperate need of help. At first, I thought what I was going through was a phase and as I grew older, it would dissipate but it hasn’t changed. As guilty as I feel saying this, I cannot stand my mother. I know the Qu’ran advises that we love our family, especially our parents with all our heart but as hard as I try, I can’t.

As the years have gone by, it’s gotten worse. At first, we’d have silly fights and we’d reconcile shortly after but now I cannot stay in the same room as her and be happy. She makes me miserable. I try my hardest to be a good muslim, read the Quran, pray five times a day however nothing is good for her. According to her, I shouldn’t have the friends I have because they’re not good enough muslims, I shouldn’t read the books I read because they’re not the Quran, I shouldn’t watch TV shows unrelated to prayer and devotion.
I feel like she’s trying to take my life away from me. We can’t have a conversation anymore. When she speaks to me, it’s to ask if I’ve studied Islamic history or if I’ve memorized a Dua. Anything unrelated to our religion is of no interest to her. I cannot even have a conversation with her about something else because it frustrates her. She criticizes everything I do, all the choices I make – and I seriously mean this. She criticises the choices my friends make. If I argue at all, she starts to cry so I can’t say anything. I have to listen quietly to everything she says.
This happens every day. I know I’m supposed to love her but I’m always so angry inside. I want to cry all the time because I feel like I’m missing out on life. I don’t know how to talk to her, I don’t know how to love her, and I don’t know how to be happy.
Please offer me some advice - anything. What do I do??!
Thankyou.

[SMA89]

lol every teenager will go through this phase but everything WILL get better.
Your mom is actually looking after you and that's her job. She has love for you and wants you to have whats best for you. Every teenager always wants to rebel against their parents for freedom. May I ask what is it that you are missing out on life?

[ahmed_indian]

salaam alaikum sister,

seems ur mother is very religious mashallah. and she wants her daughter to be Allah-fearing as well. maybe outside she is full of anger towards you but deep inside she dont wants to see you in hell fire. she wants her daughter to be in Paradise having and doing whtever she wishes and desire. to be in Jannah, we have to loose some of things we like. its said no pain = no gain.

try to talk to her that most of us needs some breaks and little enjoyments. but they should be halaal.

her fear of ur not-so-good friends and bad TV shows is reasonable. many youths lives have been destroyed due to bad frnds and corrupted serials.

may Allah help ur relationship

[Ummu Sufyaan]

:sl:
the way your mother is reacting is most likely to be consequential to how YOU are treating her. so if you scream back at your mum, she isn't going to take it sitting down...even of she is in the wrong...she will grow bitter and resentful towards you...

about your mother not wanting you to read non-religious books etc i can tell you for sure that she literally sees no use to them. wallahu alam, but she must have really high iman, where she sees anything that isn't connected to Islam/Allah, is practically useless. to her, there is no point in such material...they arent a benefit. wallahi when we were growing up, my dad was the same as your mum....he refused to let us read such things...but his concern was more because he didnt know the conent of the books, what they taught, etc. so yes, im sure your mother isnt the only person like that :)

you're 18yrs old? dont take this the wrong way but despite popular belief, you still have a fair bit of maturing and growing to do. being 18 does not automatically qualify you for maturity and it certainly doesn't qualify you to treat your mother the way you do.

with mothers, you always have to have the benefit of the doubt. what i mean is just because they do something towards you that you dont like, no matter what, just always try to keep at the back of your mind that they aren't out their to get you and that they are probably acting the way they are because they are more insightful then you are, giving off the impression that they are being unfair you...this is where and why the misunderstanding's are occurring---> you are seeing 2 sides of the same coin.. you just have to be patient and know they have their own secrets to the way they discipline and raise you, you just dont realize it because you are young plus you aren't a mother yet to know how they think and feel in that way.

every-time you disagree with your mum, or feel she maybe being unfair to you, just think of all the times she would have had to wake up in the middle of night to attend to your needs...think of the hardship she had to put up with...this should humble you to make many many excuses for your mum and overlook her faults.

this is the thing with mothers, even if they are wrong and know it (not saying your mother is in the wrong, but just speaking generally), they still expect you and want you to be patient.

dont have the attitude that just because your mother (seemingly) does something "wrong" to you it doesn't at all give you the license to react bad towards her, just sallow it.

i know that when you change, people will change. anyone else i would have told you to stand up for yourself, etc but with your parents sis, im going to tell you to put up and shut up :)

if you feel your mother is taking your rights and genuinely wronging you, still dont react but go to a local imam to deal justily betweent the 2 of you.

Hey there! Looks like you're enjoying the discussion, but you're not signed up for an account.

When you create an account, you can participate in the discussions and share your thoughts. You also get notifications, here and via email, whenever new posts are made. And you can like posts and make new friends.
Sign Up

[Muslim Woman]

:wa:

As salamu alaykum,

..... I shouldn’t watch TV shows unrelated to prayer and devotion.
.

glad to know that still there are some Muslim moms who try to teach kids not to watch TV show unrelated to prayer and devotions. I find it really shocking how some parents are so reluctant about their duties and freely allow young kids to watch any tv channel including HBO , star movies , Star plus - full of violence and sex scenes.

Sis , you are really lucky to have such a pious mom . On the day of Judgment , u will thank you luck . Watching tv shows full of provoking scenes - it's a zina of eyes. Be careful about TV and try to listen to mom.

As a bro asked u , what things u are missing in ur life ? Remember , freedom does not mean u are allowed to anything u want . As a believe , we have some boundaries and God Almighty decided it . So , pl. dont try to cross the limit.

May Allah guide us all.

[cat eyes]

:sl:id love to have a mother like that who reminds me and constantly encourages me in my deen. she is 100percent right. stick with the holy Qur'an read it all the time! it will protect you from so many sins. do you know how many young muslims out there who's parents could not care less whether they pray or not? or who they are hanging out with? subhanAllah your mum is an Angel. why do you fight with her? she is trying to protect you and she is obviously worried for her child that she should not waiste any time doing useless things which will not benefit us. remember jannah lies at the feet of your mother so be GENTLE with her :wa:

[Nσσя'υℓ Jαииαн]

:sl:

Sis all your mom is doing is looking out for you. I would LOVE to have a mother who constantly reminded me of my deen and my duties, hence allowing me to increase in my emaan. I'd rather not have an environment where I have to hear music, TV dramas running in the background or be criticized for something that I know is deen related. I'll give you an example. My mom thinks me wearing or wanting to wear my abaya is unnecessary and not part of the deen. This is what she SAYS to me. I don't listen to her in this matter cause if I'm not mistaken, I'm not disobeying her, but she feels I am. That just sucks you know lol.

I crave for an environment where it was always about my deen coz that's where my main interest lies. As for missing out on life, I'm sure you can have fun within the limits of Islam? We do need a break sometimes but we want to do it with our religion in mind. What your mom is most likely thinking isn't wrong nor bad. Hear her out and if you wish and would really love to know her side of the story, ask her.

Maybe, just maybe it will give you a different perspective and you will understand where she is coming from inshaAllah :D

[AlbanianMuslim]

This is what I did when things started to turn for the worst between me and my parents:

I listened. I shut my mouth and listened. I did my chores, I sat with them in the evenings and had tea. I read Quran with my father. Went shopping with my mother and when she said I did something wrong or shouted at me regardless of whether I was wrong or not I didnt shout back (like I used to).
Now we have an amazing bond and they allow me more freedom than before because they see that I respect them.
Try it.

[Alpha Dude]

Wa alaykum salam

Our time on Earth is short. Your mother seems like a really good muslim MashaAllah. It seems there's just some miscommunication. She really does want what is best for you and like with all parents, she wants to guide you away from what she feels is not good for you in terms of deen. It's just tough love. No matter how much you plan not to, you will inevitably show the same tough love to your own children. :)

Please offer me some advice - anything. What do I do??!

Allah forbid, but: Imagine her suffering from a terrible disease. Imagine her being in a frightening situation. Imagine her being hurt badly. Imagine her having passed away. Think of these things. They should melt your heart towards your mother at times when you feel miserable or angry toward her. Remember, death is the killer of all joys.

[YusufNoor]

As salamu alaykum, this is long but please please please read.



I’m an eighteen year old girl and I’m in desperate need of help. At first, I thought what I was going through was a phase and as I grew older, it would dissipate but it hasn’t changed. As guilty as I feel saying this, I cannot stand my mother. I know the Qu’ran advises that we love our family, especially our parents with all our heart but as hard as I try, I can’t.

well, let's see what the problems are

As the years have gone by, it’s gotten worse. At first, we’d have silly fights and we’d reconcile shortly after but now I cannot stay in the same room as her and be happy. She makes me miserable. I try my hardest to be a good muslim, read the Quran, pray five times a day however nothing is good for her.

Islamically, your mother wants you to do better.

According to her, I shouldn’t have the friends I have because they’re not good enough muslims,

if they aren't good Muslims, you don't need them as friends a unless you are making dawah by giving then Naseeah

I shouldn’t read the books I read because they’re not the Quran,

are they books that educate you? are you learning from them? if not read the Qur'an or Islamic Fiqh or History

I shouldn’t watch TV shows unrelated to prayer and devotion.

are they shows that educate you? are you learning from them?

I feel like she’s trying to take my life away from me.

you means all things that mght make Shaytan happy are a bit out of your each? say ALHUMDULILLAH!

We can’t have a conversation anymore. When she speaks to me, it’s to ask if I’ve studied Islamic history or if I’ve memorized a Dua. Anything unrelated to our religion is of no interest to her.

sounds like you have, MashaAllah, a wonderful mom!

I cannot even have a conversation with her about something else because it frustrates her. She criticizes everything I do, all the choices I make – and I seriously mean this. She criticises the choices my friends make. If I argue at all, she starts to cry so I can’t say anything. I have to listen quietly to everything she says.
This happens every day. I know I’m supposed to love her but I’m always so angry inside. I want to cry all the time because I feel like I’m missing out on life. I don’t know how to talk to her, I don’t know how to love her, and I don’t know how to be happy.
Please offer me some advice - anything. What do I do??!
Thankyou.

:sl:

the hard news:

grow up, listen to your mom!

you wanted Islamic advice, correct?

May Allah guide you and strengthen you!

:wa: