Can anyone give some help/advice?

[-Fallen Angel-]

Salaam brothers/sisters

New to the board, so please excuse me if i make a mistake.

I'm in a bit of a struggle here, and i was wondering if you could give me some help and advice...(here goes)

So i'm currently in College (repeating) because my previous two years were wasted thanks to my rather useless 6th form. I'm hoping to get into Medicine at University next year, somewhere good, too. However all the stress and issues i get at hope are having an effect on pretty much everything.

Basically, my father is not living with us presently (in another country), and has been for some time now. He's pretty much been dictating our lives for ever, as he is that type of person. Every other day he calls and gets all angry for no reason, and then shouts at me and tells me that he's going to give my mother's family a hard time, etc and divorce her, while at the same time telling me i'm useless and such. He's been doing this for such a long time now, to a point where it's beyond reason. He's previously married, so has older kids, who let go of no oppertunity to make our lives a living hell (my father always listens to them and never to me, and all they do is cause him harm and he is being encouraged to get married again).

They also spread rumors, etc about me and my mother to other members of the family, and through these, people cut off ties with us. We're pretty much on our own with no other relative in touch with us (due to reasons mentioned), my father is also part of this.

As you would imagine, i would have a hard time coping with this and try my best to not give into temptation of any sort or to resort to actions which are forbiden (such as violence) by Islam, but it's increasingly harder by the day.

Worse still, i try to tell my mother to speak out against my father, but she prefers to sit in silence and not say anything and take the abuse, and on top of that she tells me of being ignorant and uneducated and failing, etc and that i will get nowhere and that there is no hope for us in the future, etc. Lastly, there was one girl (distantly related to us) who i really liked and we were always friendly and such and she follows Islam too, and we're the same age, and her family is very good. I was speaking to my mother the other day that if i ever got married i may consider her, but then she suddenly went crazy, telling me that she's not acceptable and that i'm apparently "touching the wrong goods", as she put it. Now i really want to put my mother aside and speak to this girls parents myself (or at least someone else i can confide in, again, very very few people there and even if i do speak to them, it may be too late now), but as much grief and pain i am given, i still don't want to do anything that may potentially upset my mother (or anybody else for that matter). As you can imagine, i'm having a hard time with all of this, but worse still, that girl's parents are thinking of getting her married to somebody else and when i told my mother to speak to them, she refused. The only thing she ever does is make me even more upset and depressed and want to hate myself and everyone else even more.
Before you ask, she also very religious.

All the emotional trauma i've been having, has been from a fairly young age, 5 or 6, if i recal corretly, but 8 for sure. I'm 18 now.

Lastly, about me. Over the years i've become more and more depressed and have been trying to move away from everyone. I hardly ever see my friends outside of school, and even if i do, i really don't feel like it. It's not that they are bad, infact they are fairly "religious", but it's just that i always feel "happier" to be alone, not that i ever feel happy. I'm mostly always angry but always try not to show it and am usually in a very negative mood all the time. Sometimes i feel like killing all these people for what they are doing, not because they are doing it, but because they never listen and learn.. and more and more i'm questioning the reason to live a life this terrible where nobody takes into account what i have to say or cares at all.

I shall pray dua for anybody who can help me find a reason to smile in the morning or at least help me with one of these issues.. may Allah give you a better life than mine.

[-Fallen Angel-]

About half of my family actully practice Islam (Pray, read Quran, etc) and even then the majority of their beliefs are culturally-influenced.
I'm from Pakistani background. Can anyone give me some idea on what to do please? I'm pretty much lost. I have no idea what to do, and i lack the self-confidence to do anything... I have nobody to speak to with about this, so i'm pretty much on my own, as nobody in my family listens to reason and always want their way.
I would really appreciate some advice, anything! I just don't know what to do, i'm so confused and feel so lonely and have nobody to turn to. I really do like that girl and i'm left heartbroken.. i'm pretty sure she feels the same way too, I never got the chance to speak to her upon that matter, but i don't want to do anything that may upset my parents, however much trouble they give me, as they are still my parents at the end of the day, but i also dont want to do anything that is wrong and unacceptable in Islam, so you can understand why i'm on these forums. Is there any way i can convince my mother? Anyway i can stop other family "politics" affecting me? It's affecting pretty much everything, especially my education.

In the previous few years, it's all just been going downhill, and I was doing well in my studies. I pray and pray every day for a better tomorow, i cry myself to sleep every night and pray like theres no tomorow and the same when i wake up, but i don't know whether Allah has listened or not, it all just seems to be going worser by the day.Still, can anybody tell me anything i can do.. Please, i will be eternally grateful... Please accept my apologies if i'm writing an essay or something so long or so.

May Allah bless you all.

[aadil77]

SubhanAllah bruv may Allah make your matters easy for you, I was thinkin of pm'ing you but you won't be able to reply as you're not a full member.

Right now whatever hardships you're facing, whether you have or don't have family and friends your main strength is Allah. He has your back, so never ever give up hope in Him. Keep praying, carry on with your studies, InshAllah things will work out. Think of this as a test from Allah, its a great opportunity of reward just have sabr, it can also act as expiation of your sins.
I can understand you wantin to get married, loads of brothers want to around this age includin me, It would help you out alot, give you some companionship etc. About convincing your mother, you'll have to state your reasons to her, you don't have to go into detail just get the points across, then prove to her you're actually able to get married. If that don't work bruv you should speak to an imam, he can guide you properly on the matter cause you don't want to go against your mums wishes.

I pray that things work out for you brother, remember everyone is tested with hardship at some point in their lives, don't assume you're the only one.

[aadil77]

Also bruv try your best to get into uni, don't let this affect your studies, uni will occupy you more give you less time to worry about these issues. I don't see how you've wasted two years? you're only 18 most people get into uni around the age of 18/19/20

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[-Fallen Angel-]

Also bruv try your best to get into uni, don't let this affect your studies, uni will occupy you more give you less time to worry about these issues. I don't see how you've wasted two years? you're only 18 most people get into uni around the age of 18/19/20

Salaam brother.
As i mentioned, these things have had an impact on my studies, and i didn't get the grades i needed. But i thank you for trying to help. Do you know how i can help myself cope with all this? Praying seems to be less effective by the day, although that's probably just my thoughts, Allah is probably somewhere, listening, now.. what i need most is somebody to talk to but firstly i dont have many people to talk to and secondly even if i did i find it very hard to speak of any of these matters.
Again, much appreciated

[Muslim Woman]

:sl:


Allah burdens not a person beyond his scope.


2:286

Bro , don't be sad . Try hard to make a good relationship with father . Keep praying and ask Allah to help you . Life is a test for hereafter ; so we must face all the tests with courage and patience. Allah Loves those who show patience.

May Allah grants what is good for you.

[-Fallen Angel-]

My father has never listened and never will... I just feel so lost and confused. Argh!!:cry:

[Alpha Dude]

:sl:

Praying seems to be less effective by the day, although that's probably just my thoughts, Allah is probably somewhere, listening, now..

Bro, with regeard to this point, you shouldn't be pessimistic about Allah.

Allah is not probably listening, he is most definitely listening. You need to have certitude and conviction when you pray.

If you make dua half heartedly by not even concentrating on Allah and think what you said will probably not be answered, then of what use is the dua? Really, ask yourself?

Bro, be convinced that Allah exists, with you heart. Know he is listening. If you have conviction and you directly talk to Allah, your duas will be accepted InshaAllah.

Don't make salah, dua and all other forms of worship empty words and actions without substance behind them. Try to feel for the existence of Allah and when you ask of him and pray to him.

Don't be pessmistic. Allah is to you what you think of him (this is from hadith). If you don't believe Allah will help you, I'm afraid that's what is likely to happen. If you keep strong faith and trust in Allah whilst you ask of him, then InshaAllah what you ask for will be accepted.

Note though, if something doesn't go your way, you don't automatically give up. Allah is Most Wise, therefore he will withhold from you what you ask if it is not good for you in the long run. In that case, be patient, continue making dua and persevere. Every dua that you don't see answered in this world, you get rewarded for in the hearafter.

Surah Baqarah: 186. And when My slaves ask you (O Muhammad ) concerning Me, then (answer them), I am indeed near (to them by My Knowledge). I respond to the invocations of the supplicant when he calls on Me (without any mediator or intercessor). So let them obey Me and believe in Me, so that they may be led aright.

Firm belief, bro. That's what we all need. May Allah make things easy for you, ameen.

[Rafeeq]

Dear Bro.

Welcome to IB.

It is good forum you can share your problems and I am pretty sure, there are many brothers and sisters who will step forward to share your pain, I am one of them.

Consult doctor/psychatrist for your father and for your self too.

In Quran, Allah says, Help is to be taken from Sala and Sabr. Be patient.

Try to spend your time on IB as it is my own experience, when I feel low, I visit IB and go to the Advise & Support Section. When I see other people are having more serious problems, I feel comfortable. This forum also gives me energy to look for a way out of the matter, trust me.

May Allah (SWT) help you out.

[aadil77]

My father has never listened and never will... I just feel so lost and confused. Argh!!:cry:

Yh you need to talk to people bruv or its gonna build up inside. You might not want to talk to your friends about it, but there are brothers who will listen and try and help you out.

Where abouts do you live? Do you have any masjids nearby, if you do find out if they have any jamaats going on. A jamaat is basically you and a group of brothers will go and stay at different masjids, whilst there you'll listen to lectures, do ibaadah, do some dawah and you get the chance to speak to knowledgable people, ask questions etc. Most are usually a couple days long friday night till sunday, they're worth going to.

Even if you can't go on any, make sure you speak to people in the masjid, speak to an imam they can guide you alot, some imams will even give you their phone numbers to contact them. Don't be afraid or shy to speak to them, they're your best option - its their job to lead the muslims.

[-Fallen Angel-]

:sl:Bro, with regeard to this point, you shouldn't be pessimistic about Allah.

Allah is not probably listening, he is most definitely listening. You need to have certitude and conviction when you pray.

If you make dua half heartedly by not even concentrating on Allah and think what you said will probably not be answered, then of what use is the dua? Really, ask yourself?

Bro, be convinced that Allah exists, with you heart. Know he is listening. If you have conviction and you directly talk to Allah, your duas will be accepted InshaAllah.

Don't make salah, dua and all other forms of worship empty words and actions without substance behind them. Try to feel for the existence of Allah and when you ask of him and pray to him.

Don't be pessmistic. Allah is to you what you think of him (this is from hadith). If you don't believe Allah will help you, I'm afraid that's what is likely to happen. If you keep strong faith and trust in Allah whilst you ask of him, then InshaAllah what you ask for will be accepted.

Note though, if something doesn't go your way, you don't automatically give up. Allah is Most Wise, therefore he will withhold from you what you ask if it is not good for you in the long run. In that case, be patient, continue making dua and persevere. Every dua that you don't see answered in this world, you get rewarded for in the hearafter.

Firm belief, bro. That's what we all need. May Allah make things easy for you, ameen.

Yes, thanks for the support, it's just i get lost at times.

Dear Bro.

Welcome to IB.

It is good forum you can share your problems and I am pretty sure, there are many brothers and sisters who will step forward to share your pain, I am one of them.

Consult doctor/psychatrist for your father and for your self too.

In Quran, Allah says, Help is to be taken from Sala and Sabr. Be patient.

Try to spend your time on IB as it is my own experience, when I feel low, I visit IB and go to the Advise & Support Section. When I see other people are having more serious problems, I feel comfortable. This forum also gives me energy to look for a way out of the matter, trust me.

May Allah (SWT) help you out.

Thanks. My father will refuse to even speak to me about any matters, let alone see a professional. As for me, i don't feel comfortable either, they wouldn't understand. I may talk to an imam at the local mosque.

Yh you need to talk to people bruv or its gonna build up inside. You might not want to talk to your friends about it, but there are brothers who will listen and try and help you out.

Where abouts do you live? Do you have any masjids nearby, if you do find out if they have any jamaats going on. A jamaat is basically you and a group of brothers will go and stay at different masjids, whilst there you'll listen to lectures, do ibaadah, do some dawah and you get the chance to speak to knowledgable people, ask questions etc. Most are usually a couple days long friday night till sunday, they're worth going to.

Even if you can't go on any, make sure you speak to people in the masjid, speak to an imam they can guide you alot, some imams will even give you their phone numbers to contact them. Don't be afraid or shy to speak to them, they're your best option - its their job to lead the muslims.

Yes, i'm considering this.