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geisterfahrer
02-22-2010, 06:29 AM
Hello everyone,

I am new to the forums, and I just made an account, because I am experiencing one of the most stupidest problems: boys.

To be honest, I am clueless about what I should do. imsad

I am only 16, but I live in Sydney, and of course, the western society has, unfortunately had some effect on me.
I don't wear a hijab, but I do pray 5 times a day, and I only wear long sleeve clothes, and long pants, not even tights.
And I don't wear tight clothes, the baggier, the better.
And, of course, I fast.

But I go to a school where it has mainly australians, and hardly any middle easterns/Muslims, there's only 2 or 3 Muslims in my grade.

More to the point, recently there was this Christian guy who had really liked me, and being honest, I liked him too, and he asked me out and .. well.. I accepted.
And during that time, I felt different. I realised that my prayers had been getting late, my mother wasn't very happy with me and I was constantly in a bad mood.

It was then that I realised that hugging and kissing a na-mahram is very very very VERY wrong, and even worst because I know what I am doing is sinning.
Hence, I broke up with him, and, stupidly, he obviously got a bit heart broken. This was 2 weeks ago when I broke up with him.

But here's the main issue, my best friend, who is a guy, now has fallen reeeally hard for me, and I have no idea what to do. :/
He is the type of guy that never likes any girl, and is one of those "tough" guys who basically doesn't *have* any emotions.
But with me, he is unbelievable... he reeally likes me .. and I have no idea what to do..

He's Christian Lebanese, and he would not understand if I explain my problem, and he's serious about me, and wants to be with me for a long time... :/

And to make matters worse, he asked me to go out with him on some weekend, and I did NOT know he meant it as a date, and I said yes.
And now, he thinks we are boyfriend girlfriend. :/

PLEASE PLEASE PLEEEASE I BEG YOU.
Please help me! I am completely clueless!

I want to do the right Islamic thing, but at the same time, I don't want to lose my best friend, because he's the only person I can trust here!

Please help me?
Any little piece of advice would be helpful!
Thank you so much sisters and brothers! :hmm:
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SweetCherryPie
02-22-2010, 03:23 PM
Oh sweetie ... to be 16 again!

Honestly, at your age ... you should be concentrating on your studies. I've been 16 before and if I could go back, the only part that I would change would be where I neglected a bit of my studies but thank goodness, I came out with straight As and alhamdulillah, I did very well throughout my whole university life.

To neglect your prayers, even to be late for them is not good. For that, you should know that seeing someone at such a young age is not a good idea.

You already know seeing a non-muhrim is a bad idea ... I know you know what to do deep inside. Do the right thing. Explain to your best friend and I'm sure he'll understand.
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Salahudeen
02-22-2010, 03:33 PM
sister you are very young and have plenty of time to get married InshaAllah, but what you are doing at the moment is not right, it is haraam to have friend ships with non mehram men because eventually they will all fall for you and try to do haraam stuff with you.

Any man you befriend eventually he will begin to have feelings for you so this is why it's haraam to be friends with them cos it will lead to bad stuff.

my advise to you is cut off all the non mehram men in your life and only have female friends, this might make you feel like a stranger and feel out of place like you don't fit in with the crowd, but at the end of the day our duty is to obey the 1 who created us.

and he says such friendships and relationships are not allowed. I suggest you explain to these boys that it's against your religion to have male friends who are non mehram and cut off ties with them.

Think about the time you will die and your looking back on your life regretting all the sins that you have done, imagine lying on your deathbed being scared as anything that your about to die any minute and you've comitted all those sins with these boys.

make repentance to Allah and never go back to them, make repentance with the intention of never returning to these sins.

you are very young and at this age you feel a pressure to fit in with the crowd and be like everyone else but you have to remember your not like every 1 else, your a Muslim who submits to Allah where as they submit to nothing except their desires.

I don't know how else to advise you except that Allah does not like your relationship with these boys as he has made it haraam.
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zakirs
02-22-2010, 03:33 PM
Just keep repeatedly telling him that its not right :). and also if he is too persistent , use the help of ur bro to make him understand as boy can explain to a boy in a better way.:)

all the best sister :)
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Dagless
02-22-2010, 03:37 PM
Originally Posted by geisterfahrer
He's Christian Lebanese, and he would not understand if I explain my problem, and he's serious about me, and wants to be with me for a long time... :/
Others can give you religious advice.... but my comment is that if he cannot understand you deeply enough to grasp a simple problem such as this, then why would you ever want to date him? His love seems shallow since he should know you intimately as your best friend in order to fall for you. Hopefully that alone should make you think twice.
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Bint Ahmad
02-22-2010, 03:59 PM
:sl:

just some friendly advice for you:
firstly i must commend you on your desire to do what is islamically correct. youve got the right attitude and i hope it helps you in trying to sort out your problems.

with regards to your dilemma:
im sure you are aware of the fact that even speaking to ghair mahrams is not permissible. it is HARAAM. any form of relationship with a ghair mahram is not permitted. you should therefore stop all contact with this boy, and all other boys that you may be in contact with. is not the pleasure of Allah what we should be striving for? its not going to be easy for you but you should make all the effort to do so and ALLAH WILL SURELY MAKE THIS EASY FOR YOU!! you should have the hope in your heart that Allah will be pleased with you and will thus grant you jannah in the aakhirah (aameen) Change your focus in life to that of seeking Allahs pleasure. you yourself said that your life took a turn for the worse when you were in a relationship with that boy.this is what happens when we engage in acts that displease Allah. try and develop acloser relationship with the muslim girls in your school. avoid a very close relationship with the non-muslim girls as you do not want their kaafir habits to influence you. im sure youknow the saying 'you cant cut the cake and eat it": there is no way you will be able to do what is right and stillkeep this boy as your friend. you need to leave him and break all contact with him, by doing this you will be doing what is islamically correct.Allah will inshaallah grant you a good friend whom you will be able to trust.

as regards to hijab:
im sure you are aware of the fact that muslim woman are commanded to cover and conceal themselves. you should therefore adopt the habit of hijab and niqab. i cant even explain to you the peace and serenity you will feel once you do. i know it will not be easy in the country you are living in, but with the extra hard effort you can hope that Allah wll be pleased with you. Should that not be what we are striving for.

i understand that these changes are not going to be easy, but this is what you need to do. seek Allahs forgiveness (as we all should be doing) and beg of him to help you in this difficult time in your life. ask him to give you the strenght and to guide you. like i said above, you have the right attitude and this will help you. its not worthed to give into our pleasures in this world and to compromise our aakhirah. may Allah help you, me and all the muslims who are seeking his help. Ameen

your sister in islam.
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Alpha Dude
02-22-2010, 04:24 PM
:sl:

Sister:

1. It is haram to date and have relations prior to marriage.

2. It is also impermissible to talk unnecessarily to the opposite gender, without there being a pressing need, let alone having them as your best friends.

Therefore, break all relationships with guys that you have. Preserve your modesty. Only speak formally with any guy that you come across.

Don't be naive and innocent and believe you'd be doing the worst thing in the world by 'breaking hearts'. They'll get over it. You do what you have to do.
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Mr.President
02-22-2010, 04:32 PM
sis u have plenty of time so try this



"There are seven whom Allah will shade in His Shade on the Day when there is no shade except His Shade:

  • a just ruler;
  • a youth who grew up in the worship of Allah, the Mighty and Majestic;
  • a man whose heart is attached to the mosques;
  • Two men who love each other for Allah's sake, meeting for that and parting upon that;
  • a man who is called by a woman of beauty and position (for illegal intercourse), but be says: 'I fear Allah', a man who gives in charity and hides it,
  • such that his left hand does not know what his right hand gives in charity;
  • and a man who remembered Allah in private and so his eyes shed tears.'"


(Abu Hurairah & collected in Saheeh al-Bukhari (English trans.) vol.1, p.356, no.629 & Saheeh Muslim (English trans.) vol.2, p.493, no.2248)
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Sampharo
02-22-2010, 04:39 PM
Young sister,

I really feel for you, and there is no doubt that your age is one of the hardest. I am racking my head now thinking about my daughter reaching your age and facing all those rush of emotions and changing body, and pray that my wife will be vigilant enough to guide her calmly through it. I mean if anyone was ever wondering about the wisdom of forbidding of mixing between boys and girls, now would be a good time to understand.

Since the time of the prophet -s.a.a.w.-, to just a couple of a hundred years ago, people used to get married not too long after reaching puberty. A good craft or trade, or a family business was all that is needed for people to establish new homes with new hopes and dreams for young couples. Today that is hard because the skill set needed to survive (let alone thrive) in today's world is highly different, and kids have to focus on learning a lot of information to be able to do so.

So first of all don't feel guilty or out of place for having these emotions and thoughts and being unaware about what to do.

Ultimately though, I think you know that the boy has to go. From a social perspective and what I remember of characters in school and college, he's probably a typical young boy who got a crush on you and was too shy to speak, so he hung around you to be your best friend hoping to get an opening. It is endearing to you maybe, and part of the charm, however from what I have seen, most of these relationships didn't last or cultivate anything. Additionally, it seems you are only filling an emotional void of the first break up.

You'll need to do the right and brave thing sister and that is to remember that you are a muslim, above and beyond all these social norms that have been set by non-muslims who are all about this life and its pleasures and opportunities, rather than working and striving to be the best of good God-fearing believers who aim for a high place in the permanent life in heaven. It will hurt, but only temporarily and it will go away, and you'll feel better afterwards.

Your friend not only needs to learn that there will not be a relationship between you, but also that there can be a friendship either like before. A muslim girl has no business being close friends with boys, young sister, it leads to all sorts of situations LIKE the very ones you are in right now.

I also wish that even though you see less muslims around you than one would desire, that you should read some more about the things that open the doors of happiness for the muslim, and helps them strive along in this life. Try to find some muslim group perhaps in the social networks classifieds in the newspaper or the posting stations at local universities. It strengthens your faith, increases your skills, enriches your life, creates opportunities and knowledge of good deeds, and adds so much to your Islamic behaviour and insha Allah will help you gain grace and blessings from Allah.
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Abdul Qadir
02-23-2010, 04:56 AM
Originally Posted by geisterfahrer
Hello everyone,

I am new to the forums, and I just made an account, because I am experiencing one of the most stupidest problems: boys.

To be honest, I am clueless about what I should do. imsad

I am only 16, but I live in Sydney, and of course, the western society has, unfortunately had some effect on me.
I don't wear a hijab, but I do pray 5 times a day, and I only wear long sleeve clothes, and long pants, not even tights.
And I don't wear tight clothes, the baggier, the better.
And, of course, I fast.

But I go to a school where it has mainly australians, and hardly any middle easterns/Muslims, there's only 2 or 3 Muslims in my grade.

More to the point, recently there was this Christian guy who had really liked me, and being honest, I liked him too, and he asked me out and .. well.. I accepted.
And during that time, I felt different. I realised that my prayers had been getting late, my mother wasn't very happy with me and I was constantly in a bad mood.

It was then that I realised that hugging and kissing a na-mahram is very very very VERY wrong, and even worst because I know what I am doing is sinning.
Hence, I broke up with him, and, stupidly, he obviously got a bit heart broken. This was 2 weeks ago when I broke up with him.

But here's the main issue, my best friend, who is a guy, now has fallen reeeally hard for me, and I have no idea what to do. :/
He is the type of guy that never likes any girl, and is one of those "tough" guys who basically doesn't *have* any emotions.
But with me, he is unbelievable... he reeally likes me .. and I have no idea what to do..

He's Christian Lebanese, and he would not understand if I explain my problem, and he's serious about me, and wants to be with me for a long time... :/

And to make matters worse, he asked me to go out with him on some weekend, and I did NOT know he meant it as a date, and I said yes.
And now, he thinks we are boyfriend girlfriend. :/

PLEASE PLEASE PLEEEASE I BEG YOU.
Please help me! I am completely clueless!

I want to do the right Islamic thing, but at the same time, I don't want to lose my best friend, because he's the only person I can trust here!

Please help me?
Any little piece of advice would be helpful!
Thank you so much sisters and brothers! :hmm:
What u mean u dun wanna lose ur best fren? as a muslim, ur are not even allowed to take a kafir as ur fren let alone take a kafir of the opposite sex as ur fren...this is a complete joke question..im sure u know what will the answer be right? ur a muslim right? im sure u know its wrong right? if u dun, then may Allah guide u and may Allah guide me..
Reply

barney
02-23-2010, 05:03 AM
I havnt any advice but you certainly have my sympathy in your situation. I hope you can find peace with it soon.
Reply

Abu Fauzi
02-23-2010, 08:05 AM
Assalam alaikum,
No Sister, that one u called guy CANNOT be the only one you have or your only SUPPORT? Where have you left Allah, Your Lord and His Messenger, the Loving envoy who brougt Allah's Last Message to humanity.. I will advise that for now stop all relations with non-muslim males on boy-girl things and face your studies...in any case, u are not allowed to marry a non-muslim, so why befriend one now, with possibility of breaking hudud-Allah that will result with grave consequencies unless one is 4given.
2.The last time u went out with someone, as u said u felt constrained in your heart...that was a sign that God was unhappy with what u did. I advise that u engage in plenty of Instigfar for that and stop it...also, listen to your mother.
3. Wassalam alaikum.
Reply

Cabdullahi
02-23-2010, 08:48 AM
you shot one! quickly shoot the other! escape this fitna pray your salah and respect your mother
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