Friendship with opposite gender?

[AnonymousPoster]

Hi,

I was wondering that why is friendship with opposite gender forbidden in Islam? Is it because it can damage one's religious commitment? And lead to sin?

If that is true then why does not Islami frobid friendship with a kaafir?!! That can lead to a bigger sin than zina: shirk, kufr, atheism or something else!

Can someone explain this logic to me in forbidding a friendship with a Muslim of opposite gender while allowing friendship with a kaafir while the biggest damage can be done from kufri ideas of friends.

Thank you.

[Life_Is_Short]

Please don't mind me asking but which faith are you?

[KittenLover]

Hi,

I was wondering that why is friendship with opposite gender forbidden in Islam? Is it because it can damage one's religious commitment? And lead to sin?

If that is true then why does not Islami frobid friendship with a kaafir?!! That can lead to a bigger sin than zina: shirk, kufr, atheism or something else!

Can someone explain this logic to me in forbidding a friendship with a Muslim of opposite gender while allowing friendship with a kaafir while the biggest damage can be done from kufri ideas of friends.

Thank you.

It does forbid friendship with kaffar, friendship is exculsively reserved for Muslim's. that doesn't mean you can't be kind to non muslim's you must be kind as good manners is apart of our religion. but you can't take them as your friends.

It was narrated from Abu Sa’eed al-Khudri that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Do not keep company with anyone but a believer and do not let anyone eat your food but one who is pious.”


it was narrated that Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “A man will follow the way of his close friends, so let one of you look to whom he takes as a close friend.”


Al-Khattaabi (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:

Do not take as a close friend anyone but one whose religious commitment and trustworthiness you are pleased with, for if you take him as a close friend, he will lead you to his religion and madhhab, so do not risk losing your religious commitment and expose yourself to danger by taking as a close friend one whose religious commitment and madhhab you are not pleased with.

[KittenLover]

it seems you have been under the misconeption that Islam allows you to take non muslims as your close allies/friends.

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[Sampharo]

Subhan Allah :D

I was just saying on the other thread, that if anyone wanted to know the wisdom of forbidding the relationship or close friendship with the opposite sex, then they should read this thread. Well, here it is: http://www.islamicboard.com/advice-s...e-dilemma.html

As for the friendship with a kafir, who says that a close friendship with non-muslim is halal?

See the following:

What is the view of Islam towards friendship with followers of different religions

Praise be to Allah; Reply for this question would be the same as the reply to question #23325. In addition, the following should be noted: We should differentiate between good treatment of non-Muslims and befriending them. We should differentiate between establishing a relationship with a non-Muslim for the purpose of da’wah (i.e. teaching him and inviting him to Islam) and befriending him for no valid Islamic purpose. We should differentiate between establishing a relationship with a non-Muslim for trading and/or education reasons and befriending him, as friendship would mean deeper feeling of affection and fondness, comradeship, and being influenced by him.
Islam qa, http://www.islam-qa.com/en/ref/1204

Also see for details and evidence:

Making friends with non-muslim: http://www.islam-qa.com/en/ref/23325

[AnonymousPoster]

Please don't mind me asking but which faith are you?

I am a Muslim, allhamdulillah.

JazakAllah for your responses everyone.

[Samkurd]

It does forbid friendship with kaffar, friendship is exculsively reserved for Muslim's. that doesn't mean you can't be kind to non muslim's you must be kind as good manners is apart of our religion. but you can't take them as your friends.

It was narrated from Abu Sa’eed al-Khudri that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Do not keep company with anyone but a believer and do not let anyone eat your food but one who is pious.”


it was narrated that Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “A man will follow the way of his close friends, so let one of you look to whom he takes as a close friend.”


Al-Khattaabi (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:

Do not take as a close friend anyone but one whose religious commitment and trustworthiness you are pleased with, for if you take him as a close friend, he will lead you to his religion and madhhab, so do not risk losing your religious commitment and expose yourself to danger by taking as a close friend one whose religious commitment and madhhab you are not pleased with.

Im sorry but i totally DISAGREE with this.

Whats this nonsense about only being able to take in a FRIEND who is muslim?

If i had a choice between being friends with a muslim girl or a 'kaffar' girl, who's to say the muslim girl is going to be a better, moral friend?

Who knows if this muslim girl steals from shops ?

At the end of the day, in my eyes, if theyre a good person, you can be their friend.

Why NOT be friends with someone because of what they may impose on you? No one can make you do anything but yourself.

THIS WHOLE DIVIDE OF MUSLIM / KAFFAR STUFF HAS TO STOP. WHY IS IT SO IMPOSSIBLE TO LIVE TOGETHER?

[transition?]

:sl:

An amazing lecture on the nature of man and woman, which Islam deals with through its anti-freemixing take


Boys & Girls: A Love Story - Abu Esa Niamtullah
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x7rAp...eature=related

[AnonymousPoster]

:sl:

An amazing lecture on the nature of man and woman, which Islam deals with through its anti-freemixing take


Boys & Girls: A Love Story - Abu Esa Niamtullah
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x7rAp...eature=related

jazakAllah. But can you please provide a lecture on mixing with the kufaar? I have seen many Muslims become ex-Muslims because they mixed with kufaar and got impressed by their ideology and become atheists. Is not becoming an atheist a bigger sin than committing zina? :hmm:

[transition?]

Im sorry but i totally DISAGREE with this.

Whats this nonsense about only being able to take in a FRIEND who is muslim?

If i had a choice between being friends with a muslim girl or a 'kaffar' girl, who's to say the muslim girl is going to be a better, moral friend?

Who knows if this muslim girl steals from shops ?

At the end of the day, in my eyes, if theyre a good person, you can be their friend.

Why NOT be friends with someone because of what they may impose on you? No one can make you do anything but yourself.

THIS WHOLE DIVIDE OF MUSLIM / KAFFAR STUFF HAS TO STOP. WHY IS IT SO IMPOSSIBLE TO LIVE TOGETHER?

:sl:

Islam is not for our personal opinions. Can you please provide us with some evidence ?

[transition?]

jazakAllah. But can you please provide a lecture on mixing with the kufaar? I have seen many Muslims become ex-Muslims because they mixed with kufaar and got impressed by their ideology and become atheists. Is not becoming an atheist a bigger sin than committing zina? :hmm:

I believe Sampharo's post does an accurate job conveying our relationship with the kuffar.

Zina is a sin, a major sin but still forgiveable. In comparison to denying Allah (swt) and rejecting Islam as a reality, it is nothing. Apostating and becoming a kaffir causes a person to not only leave the folds of Islam, but for them is the ultimate humilation - the fiery depths of Hellfire for all eternity!

You see that many apostates had a clear understanding of Islam in the first place. There is general lack of knowledge of Muslims around the world, and surely it is these same people who are oblivious to our enemies agendas to destroy Islam. So if you add a person of little knowledge and faith/imaan into a deluded world led by the fascination of Western thoughts, they will be fooled. A true Muslim with real faith and understanding would know the superiority of a way of life that governs social, political and economic aspects ordained by Allah The Most Supreme would be superior to any man-made ideologies and systems.

[Musliman]

Sorry but where is the logic ? Islam allows men to marry Christian and Jewish women, but at the same time, it forbids friendship with non muslims ? How can that be ?
Muslims ought to have a stronger faith, they shall befriend and bring kuffar to Islam and not the opposite ;)

[Samkurd]

:sl:

Islam is not for our personal opinions. Can you please provide us with some evidence ?

I have many many friends who are girls who are not muslim yet theyre perfectly fine, fun, loving and loyal friends.

I have lots of muslim friends who are girls who are perfectly fine, fun, loving and loyal friends.

Ive had a muslim friend who actually stole from my house every time she came over.

Ive had kaffar friends who tell me to have a beer but i know what to say.

My point is you cant put people into groups of who will be a moral friend and who wont just because they are labeled as a muslim.

Its not like if i say "im a muslim" im suddenly a kind and loving person who wishes to never do any evil.

You have to take into account the persons background, their behaviour, who they hang out with.. theres so many factors as to what makes a good friend a good friend, and it cant solely be based on religion.

You cant tell me all muslims are going to be better than all the kaffars.

So like i said, i believe at the end of the day if the person is a good hearted person, go ahead and be friends.

[KittenLover]

Im sorry but i totally DISAGREE with this.

Whats this nonsense about only being able to take in a FRIEND who is muslim?

If i had a choice between being friends with a muslim girl or a 'kaffar' girl, who's to say the muslim girl is going to be a better, moral friend?

Who knows if this muslim girl steals from shops ?

At the end of the day, in my eyes, if theyre a good person, you can be their friend.

Why NOT be friends with someone because of what they may impose on you? No one can make you do anything but yourself.

THIS WHOLE DIVIDE OF MUSLIM / KAFFAR STUFF HAS TO STOP. WHY IS IT SO IMPOSSIBLE TO LIVE TOGETHER?

whether you agree or not is irrelevant, I simply posted what the prophet pbuh said. You can disagree with me all day long if you want but do you disagree with the prophet pbuh when he said

“Do not keep company with anyone but a believer and do not let anyone eat your food but one who is pious.” (Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 2395; Abu Dawood, 4832; classed as saheeh by Ibn Hibbaan, 2/314; classed as hasan by Shaykh al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’, 7341).

We do not mean, however, that this Muslim woman should cut herself off completely from the kaafir woman; she may visit with her, visit her when she is sick and give her gifts, but without forming an emotional attachment or joining in their festivals and celebrations. And the Muslim woman should aim, in those visits and gift-giving, to call this kaafir woman to Islam. This is what our Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) did, as is mentioned in two hadeeths.

For the rest go to the links in brother Sampharo's post, Islam is based upon evidence, we don't base our religion upon our personal opinions.

[Italianguy]

I guess i would be the kaffar that one would reffer to:embarrass.

I have many, very good Muslim friends. I play football (soccer) on thursday after noons with a group of Somali Muslim's. Besides them having to stop for a short time to pray...we get allong great! A couple of them will have me over for dinner.....i wonder why that stopped?.....probably because i eat to much:embarrass....funny though...they are always ready to run over to my house if i say my wife made samosas?

I have a neighbor, who is a Muslimah whom spends allot of time with my wife, and my wife is Christian.

I have an employee whom is Muslim. We talk alllllll day....his office is next to mine...and i am always bugging him.

I never try to convert them? Nor do they try to convert me....well sometimes. BUt with all of my Mulsim friends, we have a comman understanding on where we stand in faith.

So are they just tollerating me? They are all extremelly nice and we all send time with each others families on a regular basis. I even watch Mohommed's (my Muslim empoyee) kids....well.....my wife does most of the watching.:embarrass

Zainab (my wifes best friend) is always bringing over food she prepared? But i saw it said you cannot share food with me?......I'm gonna starve:skeleton:

I can't really explain why we are around so many Muslims. I would guess because of my culture , my wifes culture, and other friends and family cultures I am mostly exposed to, are mainly Muslim.

God be with you.

[aadil77]

all 'friendships' with the opposite gender are haraam unless you're their mahram,

friendships with kuffar have limits

[KittenLover]

I have many many friends who are girls who are not muslim yet theyre perfectly fine, fun, loving and loyal friends.

I have lots of muslim friends who are girls who are perfectly fine, fun, loving and loyal friends.

Ive had a muslim friend who actually stole from my house every time she came over.

Ive had kaffar friends who tell me to have a beer but i know what to say.

My point is you cant put people into groups of who will be a moral friend and who wont just because they are labeled as a muslim.

Its not like if i say "im a muslim" im suddenly a kind and loving person who wishes to never do any evil.

You have to take into account the persons background, their behaviour, who they hang out with.. theres so many factors as to what makes a good friend a good friend, and it cant solely be based on religion.

You cant tell me all muslims are going to be better than all the kaffars.

So like i said, i believe at the end of the day if the person is a good hearted person, go ahead and be friends.

Ok lets make a ruling in Islam from your personal experiences then, :)

the entire ummah can ignore the advice of the scholars because of your personal experiences in life. is that what you would like? for us to ignore the advice of the prophet pbuh and take your personal experiences as rulings for this religion?

I think you're under the impression that we're saying

"you should be nasty to non muslim's, you should not even greet them or talk to them, you should completely hate them and ignore them"

no 1 is saying that. I think the confusion comes in the definition of "friend"

[Musliman]

I guess i would be the kaffar that one would reffer to:embarrass.

I have many, very good Muslim friends. I play football (soccer) on thursday after noons with a group of Somali Muslim's. Besides them having to stop for a short time to pray...we get allong great! A couple of them will have me over for dinner.....i wonder why that stopped?.....probably because i eat to much:embarrass....funny though...they are always ready to run over to my house if i say my wife made samosas?

I have a neighbor, who is a Muslimah whom spends allot of time with my wife, and my wife is Christian.

I have an employee whom is Muslim. We talk alllllll day....his office is next to mine...and i am always bugging him.

I never try to convert them? Nor do they try to convert me....well sometimes. BUt with all of my Mulsim friends, we have a comman understanding on where we stand in faith.

So are they just tollerating me? They are all extremelly nice and we all send time with each others families on a regular basis. I even watch Mohommed's (my Muslim empoyee) kids....well.....my wife does most of the watching.:embarrass

Zainab (my wifes best friend) is always bringing over food she prepared? But i saw it said you cannot share food with me?......I'm gonna starve:skeleton:

I can't really explain why we are around so many Muslims. I would guess because of my culture , my wifes culture, and other friends and family cultures I am mostly exposed to, are mainly Muslim.

God be with you.

My point exactly, if we are sure not to fall in zina, haram, apostasy or whatever, then what is the problem ? On the contrary, pious muslims will endeavour to convert kuffar to Islam :)

[KittenLover]

My point exactly, if we are sure not to fall in zina, haram, apostasy or whatever, then what is the problem ? On the contrary, pious muslims will endeavour to convert kuffar to Islam :)

But how can we be sure we will not do a sin? there's people who make friendships with girls and they say to themselves "we won't ever let zina happen" then eventually after shaytaan does his whispering they fall into this sin.

no 1 plans to fall into these sins they happen cos of being relaxed when it comes to the laws of Islam. Do you think a person who makes friends with a non muslim and as a result apostates planned to apostate at the start? obviously not he said to himself "if I'm sure i'm not going to apostate by being his friend it's ok" a few monthers later he apostates.

the point I'm trying to make is you yourself can never be sure you're not going to fall into a sin.

you might make friends with a girl and say to yourself I'm never gonna do zinna and a few months down the line you find yourself doing zina but at the start you said to yourself "I'm sure I will never do zina with this girl so what is the problem in being her friend"

[aadil77]

I have many many friends who are girls who are not muslim yet theyre perfectly fine, fun, loving and loyal friends.

haraam, wakeup or you'll regret it when you end up commiting zina with them, its that easy in this age

I have lots of muslim friends who are girls who are perfectly fine, fun, loving and loyal friends.

don't reveal your sins

Ive had a muslim friend who actually stole from my house every time she came over.

What was she doing in your house in the first place? Again don't reveal your sins, its suprising your parents even allowed her in. And are you trying to say muslims are worse than kuffar?

Ive had kaffar friends who tell me to have a beer but i know what to say.

So?

My point is you cant put people into groups of who will be a moral friend and who wont just because they are labeled as a muslim.

Its not like if i say "im a muslim" im suddenly a kind and loving person who wishes to never do any evil.

No you're actually supposed to choose good muslims as friends, not just anyone that could act as a bad influence

You have to take into account the persons background, their behaviour, who they hang out with.. theres so many factors as to what makes a good friend a good friend, and it cant solely be based on religion.

True but prioritise friendships with good muslims, cause they will benefit you more

You cant tell me all muslims are going to be better than all the kaffars.

Islamically that is true, the worst muslim is better than the best kuffar, just because of that belief he has.

So like i said, i believe at the end of the day if the person is a good hearted person, go ahead and be friends.

Within limits set by islam brother, you're already making a huge mistake by keeping friendships with the opposite gender

Don't promote you're unislamic beliefs, keep them to yourself

[Musliman]

But how can we be sure we will not do a sin? there's people who make friendships with girls and they say to themselves "we won't ever let zina happen" then eventually after shaytaan does his whispering they fall into this sin.

no 1 plans to fall into these sins they happen cos of being relaxed when it comes to the laws of Islam. Do you think a person who makes friends with a non muslim and as a result apostates planned to apostate at the start? obviously not he said to himself "if I'm sure i'm not going to apostate by being his friend it's ok" a few monthers later he apostates.

the point I'm trying to make is you yourself can never be sure you're not going to fall into a sin.

you might make friends with a girl and say to yourself I'm never gonna do zinna and a few months down the line you find yourself doing zina but at the start you said to yourself "I'm sure I will never do zina with this girl so what is the problem in being her friend"

No, not really I don't think so, just look at those very religious and radical muslims across Europe I'm sure they cannot interact with Muslims excusively, they undoubtebly have Kuffar friends. And just to remind, a Muslim man can marry up to four non muslims wives, does this mean, that those won't be able to wash his mind and bring him into their religion ? Let's be

Being married with someone who is not muslim is certainly more influential than friendship and we all know that nowadays women are equal to men mentally. We should more realistic :)

[KittenLover]

Don't promote you're unislamic beliefs, keep them to yourself

Brother adil we should make a new ruling Islam based upon his personal experiences!!

forget what the 'ulema of this religion say his personal experiences are the daleel!!!

[KittenLover]

No, not really I don't think so, just look at those very religious and radical muslims across Europe I'm sure they cannot interact with Muslims excusively, they undoubtebly have Kuffar friends. And just to remind, a Muslim man can marry up to four non muslims wives, does this mean, that those won't be able to wash his mind and bring him into their religion ? Let's be

Being married with someone who is not muslim is certainly more influential than friendship and we all know that nowadays women are equal to men mentally. We should more realistic :)

hmm so you're telling me that you're able to say without doubt 100% if you make friends with a woman you will never do zina with her??

and your telling me without doubt if you make friends with a non muslim and take him as your bosom buddy he will never affect your religion to the point where you want to convert to his religion?

[Musliman]

hmm so you're telling me that you're able to say without doubt 100% if you make friends with a woman you will never do zina with her??

and your telling me without doubt if you make friends with a non muslim and take him as your bosom buddy he will never affect your religion to the point where you want to convert to his religion?

Firstly, I am gay unfortunately and things are extremely complicated in my life as I have already created a thread last month. Secondly, regardless of Allah's attitude towards gays and lesbians, I remain and feel close to Allah, and I will remain Muslim inchallah until my life ceases :)

[Samkurd]

Ok lets make a ruling in Islam from your personal experiences then, :)

the entire ummah can ignore the advice of the scholars because of your personal experiences in life. is that what you would like? for us to ignore the advice of the prophet pbuh and take your personal experiences as rulings for this religion?

I think you're under the impression that we're saying

"you should be nasty to non muslim's, you should not even greet them or talk to them, you should completely hate them and ignore them"

no 1 is saying that. I think the confusion comes in the definition of "friend"

Im not trying to go against you im just saying that i find absolutely nothing wrong in being friendly with ''kaffars''. I dont even like the word kaffar, it seems to have become a derogatory word in the muslim world against anyone who isnt muslim.

And wow... Please dont put words in my mouth. "you should be nasty to non muslim's, you should not even greet them or talk to them, you should completely hate them and ignore them"

AND CANT I JUST SAY AN OPINION WITHOUT PEOPLE TAKING IT AS ME TRYING TO GET THEM TO FOLLOW "MY TEACHINGS"?

[aadil77]

Firstly, I am gay unfortunately and things are extremely complicated in my life as I have already created a thread last month. Secondly, regardless of Allah's attitude towards gays and lesbians, I remain and feel close to Allah, and I will remain Muslim inchallah until my life ceases :)

Allah is not a human that he has 'attitudes', those are His laws towards the filthy act of sodomy. Whether you're gay, lesbian or tranny doesn't matter, you just keep those desires and thoughts to yourself and not practice any of them.

[KittenLover]

Im not trying to go against you im just saying that i find absolutely nothing wrong in being friendly with ''kaffars''. I dont even like the word kaffar, it seems to have become a derogatory word in the muslim world against anyone who isnt muslim.

And wow... Please dont put words in my mouth. "you should be nasty to non muslim's, you should not even greet them or talk to them, you should completely hate them and ignore them"

AND CANT I JUST SAY AN OPINION WITHOUT PEOPLE TAKING IT AS ME TRYING TO GET THEM TO FOLLOW "MY TEACHINGS"?

no 1 is saying you shouldn't be kind to non muslim's, where did I say you should not be nice to them? who's putting words in my mouth now?

But your opinion on some things is contrary to to the teachings of Islam and the messenger of Allah pbuh, go read surah nisa verse 115 then come back and contend your opinion. People have to learn

"what I say or think doesn't matter it doesn't hold any weight in Islam"

"what Allah and his rasool say is what matters, that is what holds weight in Islam, my opinion has no value when they have spoken on a matter"

[aadil77]

AND CANT I JUST SAY AN OPINION WITHOUT PEOPLE TAKING IT AS ME TRYING TO GET THEM TO FOLLOW "MY TEACHINGS"?

Not an opinion that could misguide other muslims and give islam a bad image, especially as this opinion is coming from you - another muslim

[Samkurd]

Not an opinion that could misguide other muslims and give islam a bad image, especially as this opinion is coming from you - another muslim

But isnt the point of a forum to have discussions? Hence why its called a 'forum' ? - a place, meeting, or media where ideas and views on a particular issue can be exchanged. (Oxford dictionary.)

[Musliman]

Allah is not a human that he has 'attitudes', those are His laws towards the filthy act of sodomy. Whether you're gay, lesbian or tranny doesn't matter, you just keep those desires and thoughts to yourself and not practice any of them.

Sorry, I pull back what I said, I chose the wrong word, I would say Allah's view , al hamdoulillah I do not practise same-sex experiences :)

[Samkurd]

Don't promote you're unislamic beliefs, keep them to yourself

"I have many many friends who are girls who are not muslim yet theyre perfectly fine, fun, loving and loyal friends.

haraam, wakeup or you'll regret it when you end up commiting zina with them, its that easy in this age"

Are you saying it is not possible to have a friends-only relation with non-muslim girls? That if i meet a girl who isnt muslim im inevitably going to have a sexual encounter with her? Thats just not realistic..

"Ive had a muslim friend who actually stole from my house every time she came over.

What was she doing in your house in the first place? Again don't reveal your sins, its suprising your parents even allowed her in. And are you trying to say muslims are worse than kuffar?"

My parents let her in because they are parents who accept everyone, no matter who they are they believe everyone should be treated equally.

She was at my house in the first place because we are friends, and only friends. Its nice to invite a girl over for lunch to talk or to watch a movie on tv, just like i do with my guy friends.

I am in NO way trying to say muslims are worse than non-muslims, nor the other way round.

"So like i said, i believe at the end of the day if the person is a good hearted person, go ahead and be friends.

Within limits set by islam brother, you're already making a huge mistake by keeping friendships with the opposite gender"

I can tell you now, in the western world, once you are friends with a girl, like buddies, she will NOT have sex with you. Thats the way girls minds work.

Im not trying to form sexual relations when i meet girls. Im just being social. I dont see anything wrong with that, i find it actually quite healthy.

[AnonymousPoster]

JazakAllah to all Muslims who took time to clarify my ignorance. I was asking this because I've seen Muslims who will tell you "dont make friendship with opposite gender" but then they make friendship with kufaar and hang out with them. If the reason for not making friendship or hanging out with opposite gender is that it can let us to commit sin then we have to be careful with even Kaafir friends! Their gatherings can influence us!

I was watching a video by Noman Ali Kham (Quranic student of knowledge), and he said that he was born as a Muslim but he became atheist because of the company of atheists he had. Then he came back to Islam.

So this means one cannot make friendship with kaaafirs or hang out with them or play ps3 with them or something of that sort.

[AlbanianMuslim]

Some of you need to read "In the Footsteps of the Prophet" pbuh

It will open some of your eyes. Even the Prophet Muhammaed pbuh was friendly with people of other faiths.
One of my BEST friends is jewish no less. She respects me, I respect her. We dont discuss our faiths. We both enjoy hallal foods, and she is there for me at my worst, not just at my best. First time i wore hijab in public, she was there with me supporting me, while some of my "muslim" friends avoided me.

[AlbanianMuslim]

Oh and as for the topic itself, i dont think you should be close friends with the opposite gender. Sometimes if you live in the western world you can avoid them completely, but refrain from being alone together, conversing in private even if its on the phone and no physical touching. Thats just my personal view on it, Im not sure what the ruling is in terms of Islam.

[AnonymousPoster]

Some of you need to read "In the Footsteps of the Prophet" pbuh

It will open some of your eyes. Even the Prophet Muhammaed pbuh was friendly with people of other faiths.
One of my BEST friends is jewish no less. She respects me, I respect her. We dont discuss our faiths. We both enjoy hallal foods, and she is there for me at my worst, not just at my best. First time i wore hijab in public, she was there with me supporting me, while some of my "muslim" friends avoided me.

why? Not all friendships with opposite gender result in zina. So they should be allowed?

[Sawdah]

"I have many many friends who are girls who are not muslim yet theyre perfectly fine, fun, loving and loyal friends.

haraam, wakeup or you'll regret it when you end up commiting zina with them, its that easy in this age"

Are you saying it is not possible to have a friends-only relation with non-muslim girls? That if i meet a girl who isnt muslim im inevitably going to have a sexual encounter with her? Thats just not realistic..

"Ive had a muslim friend who actually stole from my house every time she came over.

What was she doing in your house in the first place? Again don't reveal your sins, its suprising your parents even allowed her in. And are you trying to say muslims are worse than kuffar?"

My parents let her in because they are parents who accept everyone, no matter who they are they believe everyone should be treated equally.

She was at my house in the first place because we are friends, and only friends. Its nice to invite a girl over for lunch to talk or to watch a movie on tv, just like i do with my guy friends.

I am in NO way trying to say muslims are worse than non-muslims, nor the other way round.

"So like i said, i believe at the end of the day if the person is a good hearted person, go ahead and be friends.

Within limits set by islam brother, you're already making a huge mistake by keeping friendships with the opposite gender"

I can tell you now, in the western world, once you are friends with a girl, like buddies, she will NOT have sex with you. Thats the way girls minds work.

Im not trying to form sexual relations when i meet girls. Im just being social. I dont see anything wrong with that, i find it actually quite healthy.

But can't you be social with the same gender instead?

Say to the believing men that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty: that will make for greater purity for them: and Allah is well acquainted with all that they do.[An-Noor:30]

Listen to a clip on men and women intermingling from Br. Kamal El-Makki's lecture : The Fobidden Love

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[barney]

My understanding of the Kuffar/ Ummah thing through my studys is:

First define the meaning of freind.

To approach a kuffar in a polite manner is taught.
Thus to say "Hello, how are you" is OK.So is wishing them well.

To accept them as a freind is prohibited.
Thus "Hey, i really enjoyed the time we spent together, you fancy meeting again and doing something fun/hanging out" is prohibited regardless of the sex of the Kuffar.

Most Muslims i have spoken to accept that a certain amount of face to face meeting or contact is inevitable, especially in Western Lands, but that it is possible and neccessery to maintain relationships as professional or as part of buisness and not to transgress the limits.

[Italianguy]

Ok lets make a ruling in Islam from your personal experiences then, :)

the entire ummah can ignore the advice of the scholars because of your personal experiences in life. is that what you would like? for us to ignore the advice of the prophet pbuh and take your personal experiences as rulings for this religion?

I think you're under the impression that we're saying

"you should be nasty to non muslim's, you should not even greet them or talk to them, you should completely hate them and ignore them"

no 1 is saying that. I think the confusion comes in the definition of "friend"

Not at all, everyone is entitled to their own opinion and faith. My freinds are living proof that Islam does not teach Muslims to hate non-Muslims.

Sorry didn't mean to offend youimsad

[AlbanianMuslim]

why? Not all friendships with opposite gender result in zina. So they should be allowed?

You think that zina is the only bad thing that could happen? Touching, hugging, kissing on the cheek, cuddling...all those are sinful if done with someone other than a spouse or blood relation. It doesnt matter if you are hugging them because theyre your friend. They should not be allowed and it isnt allowed in Islam. Human weakness is a fact of life, you may think you are immune to committing sin with someone of the opposite gender but whose to say that tomorrow some you are exceptionally attracted to is able to manipulate you into committing sin? You never know what will happen, best not to tempt fate.

[barney]

You think that zina is the only bad thing that could happen? Touching, hugging, kissing on the cheek, cuddling...all those are sinful if done with someone other than a spouse or blood relation. It doesnt matter if you are hugging them because theyre your friend. They should not be allowed and it isnt allowed in Islam. Human weakness is a fact of life, you may think you are immune to committing sin with someone of the opposite gender but whose to say that tomorrow some you are exceptionally attracted to is able to manipulate you into committing sin? You never know what will happen, best not to tempt fate.

I've heard but dunno if I'm correct that to have thoughts about doing this is also a sin?

[ardianto]

I was wondering that why is friendship with opposite gender forbidden in Islam? Is it because it can damage one's religious commitment? And lead to sin?

Which friendship ?.
There is no prohibition to have friends from opposite gender, like in the school, in organization, in your community. But of course, there is a limit of this friendship. You can ask the scholar about this limit.

If that is true then why does not Islami frobid friendship with a kaafir?!! That can lead to a bigger sin than zina: shirk, kufr, atheism or something else!

Islam does not forbids friendship with non-Muslim who does not something wrong with us, like fight us or try to lead us to leave Islam.

My non-Muslim friends never committed zina because zina is big a sin in their faiths. They drink alcohol because they are allowed to drink it but they never drink alcohol when they with me.

My non-Muslim friends are non-Muslim who respect to Islam/Muslims, that's why they are still my friends until now.

[AlbanianMuslim]

Very true.

Having a friend and/or acquaintance is one thing. Touching them and being alone with them if they are of the opposite gender is a major no no.

If your friend is offended, tell them to build a bridge and get over it!

[AlbanianMuslim]

I've heard but dunno if I'm correct that to have thoughts about doing this is also a sin?

Erm, thats a tough one. Thoughts I feel like are sometimes accidental. You can find yourself thinking a bad thought but if you catch yourself and you stop yourself than I believe Allah swt is Merciful and will forgive us for our shortcomings.

[AnonymousPoster]

You think that zina is the only bad thing that could happen? Touching, hugging, kissing on the cheek, cuddling...all those are sinful if done with someone other than a spouse or blood relation. It doesnt matter if you are hugging them because theyre your friend. They should not be allowed and it isnt allowed in Islam. Human weakness is a fact of life, you may think you are immune to committing sin with someone of the opposite gender but whose to say that tomorrow some you are exceptionally attracted to is able to manipulate you into committing sin? You never know what will happen, best not to tempt fate.

Fair enough. but then friendship with an atheist can lead one to atheism too. Friendship with a a deist can lead one to deism ... why just forbid friendship with opposite gender but not with a kufaar ... I see so many Muslims who hang out with kufaar yet if they see me talking to opposite gender their response is "7araaaam" :(

[Italianguy]

Fair enough. but then friendship with an atheist can lead one to atheism too. Friendship with a a deist can lead one to deism ... why just forbid friendship with opposite gender but not with a kufaar ... I see so many Muslims who hang out with kufaar yet if they see me talking to opposite gender their response is "7araaaam" :(

I guess that all depends on your own strength in faith. If one is weak in his or her faith, it would be in their best interest only to ascociate themselves with like minded folk. If you are strong in your faith it may be easier to befriend one of another faith because you have knowledge of who your God is and He knows what is in your heart. ...I could be wrong...I usually am:hmm:

[AlbanianMuslim]

Fair enough. but then friendship with an atheist can lead one to atheism too. Friendship with a a deist can lead one to deism ... why just forbid friendship with opposite gender but not with a kufaar ... I see so many Muslims who hang out with kufaar yet if they see me talking to opposite gender their response is "7araaaam" :(

That is different.

A friend influencing your MIND is different from a friend influencing your BODY.
The body is made to function in certain ways from certain kinds of stimulation, whether it is food or physical touching.

You can control your mind, and you use your mind to control your body right? Well if your mind lets you spend time with someone of the opposite gender REGARDLESS of whether or not they are of the same faith puts you at risk for reacting physically to any sort of stimulation.
The mind is weak, but the body is weaker. Something might FEEL good and cloud your better judgement.

Like I said, best not to tempt fate...is friendship with the opposite gender REALLY that important? I mean, I had some great friends before I became more religious, after I turned into a "cold heart you know what" who didnt touch them or go anywhere they turned their backs on me and good riddance! Im so much better off without them. :shade:

[barney]

Faith is usually pretty resilient, i know, I've talked with enough theists! If befreinding an atheist converted people then we would be seeing the world becoming a very secular place and thats not whats happening. When religion is thrown into the mix in freindships across faiths its usually a case of, "lets talk about something else!"

Regardless,I think it's one of those things really where you have to say, never mind how it works, just do what is instructed and you dont need to know the reasons why!

[Nokiacrazi]

I believe it has something to do with the fact that you may be influenced by these non Muslims. Yes, I have many non Muslim friends, and generally they are fine and well behaved, although they do commit sin, drinking, courting, backbiting etc.

But I am even closer to Muslim friends, therefore I am constantly reminded to be at the best of behaviour (should be anyway).

So if you are going to be influenced and start doing things that non Muslims do, then no, you should not keep them as friends. But if you are not influenced by them, and you invite them to Islam and deliver the message, then yes, there is no reason why you should not befriend them, or so I feel. Insha'Allah we will be guided, and shall be united. Allah knows best.

[SweetCherryPie]

I believe it has something to do with the fact that you may be influenced by these non Muslims. Yes, I have many non Muslim friends, and generally they are fine and well behaved, although they do commit sin, drinking, courting, backbiting etc.

But I am even closer to Muslim friends, therefore I am constantly reminded to be at the best of behaviour (should be anyway).

So if you are going to be influenced and start doing things that non Muslims do, then no, you should not keep them as friends. But if you are not influenced by them, and you invite them to Islam and deliver the message, then yes, there is no reason why you should not befriend them, or so I feel. Insha'Allah we will be guided, and shall be united. Allah knows best.

I share your sentiments.

As for me, I have friends from other faiths and race - I don't have a problem with that, neither do my parents. In fact, over here it is encouraged to be friends with people from different religion and race, as long as you know where to draw the line.

I have friends from other religion that is interested in Islam and have asked many Qs and thus far, they have been respectful and even two of them are converting. Will I say it's my influence? No, of course not.

I don't see anything wrong and I don't know why some people make such a big deal about it. I know whatever it is, Allah knows best and if anything, I'll be punish and no one else.

[Alpha Dude]

:sl:

I've seen far more disrespectful posts and members are still around. Just because one is pretty new so it makes her or him unreliable? Just because he or she does not provide a sunnah or verse from the Quran?

And I thought this is a place for people to learn.

By all means, if this is how it is going to be ... disable my account.

S<chowdary quoted from the rules of this site.

There is no absolute freedom of speech here. Meaning, people can't come and say anti-Islamic stuff and have it allowed under the banner of freedom of speech. In the same manner, spreading misleading views is not allowed either.

This is nothing against new members. However, our faith is based upon two primary sources: Quran and hadith. If you have people speaking from their own opinion, then they are not really following Islam, are they? They are likely to spread their misguidance to other people too.

If a muslim comes and says 'alcohol doesn't make me go drunk, I don't believe it should be forbidden'. Does that make it ok? No. We go to the sources of Islam to really see if it is allowed or not and without a doubt, it is impermissible.

With regards to the intermingling with the opposite gender, it is clear where Islam stands. We're not allowed. Anyone who says otherwise, is not being true to what his religion says. He has corrupted his belief. There is no proof of his position. Therefore, you get these calls for 'bring your proof'.

Remember, we believe in Allah, then we follow what he tells us. We don't apply our whims and opinions on deen related stuff. It's irrational to say we are muslims, yet don't really follow what the two primary sources of Islam tell us.

[SweetCherryPie]

Forgive me for not being as pious as all of you. My bad.

[Alpha Dude]

Forgive me for not being as pious as all of you. My bad.

Sister, this is not an issue of piety.

Everybody sins and noboy is perfect.

The issue is rather of belief itself. If you claim to believe in Islam, you cannot disregard certain aspects just because your opinion tells you otherwise. You believe in it all and anything else that goes against Islam, you throw away. Not the other way round. If you do that, then you're not being true to your faith.

If you believed 1+2 = 3 and if somewhere down the line you started believing 2 has a value of 8 instead, wouldn't you say that was misguided?

In the same way, if you accept that Allah is real and the message he sent the Prophet Muhammd SAW is real, then you accept that the Quran and Hadiths are our primary source of legislation in Islam. If you then come and say that your opinions override what is in the Quran/hadith, isn't that misguided?

[SweetCherryPie]

Excuse me? Where did I say that my opinions over-ride that of what is stated in Quran?

I merely stated my opinion as to what I think it is, I did not disregard what is said in Quran. I respect everyone's posts as much as I expect people to respect mine - regardless if you agree or not. That is all.

It's a bit of a shame when people try to shove their beliefs down other people's throats rather than to say it succinctly or nicely to make those who are not that religious enough or up to your (speaking generally here) standard (who are here to learn) to understand better. It doesn't help at all for a few members here to act all mighty and for saying they are disgusted at how some people see things.

[Alpha Dude]

Excuse me? Where did I say that my opinions over-ride that of what is stated in Quran?

Sorry, that was the general 'you'. I didn't mean to aim it specifically at you. I wasn't saying you over-ride what is stated in Quran and Hadith yourself.

However, you agreed to some of samkurd's points, which as nice as they sound, do not entirely concur with what Islam says. Therefore, the address to you. You need to evaluate what you see people write of their own opinion with regards to religious matters and not be so quick to accept, unless it is proven to have its origin in what the two primary sources say or has been acknowledged by leading trustworthy scholars of the past.

It doesn't help at all for a few members here to act all mighty and for saying they are disgusted at how some people see things.

I wasn't being high and mighty. I don't believe I have been disrespectful here either.

[Getoffmyback]

I want to just say something about the non muslim friends part.

I don't know why but i never felt secured with christians here in leb. They think they are the top of the food chaine but when i'm with them i speak their language fluently and sharply.

Here in leb Christians will like you only if you live by their life style. Go clubbing drinking get drunk Oh what a nice life, and even attend their christian celebrations. Many muslims do it over here just to show them "Oh look at me i'm open minded" Oh i wanna have fun lets dance. But they will stab you in the back be sure of that.

And if you show them that your 1% muslim in the heart they will give this evil look behind your back.

But sure there is an exception about christians those who understand you . Like if you visit them in their house they wont be displaying bottles of alcohol or they won't eat in front of you if you are fasting i mean the respectful type. This type of christians is So rare to find. Some of the good christians in leb admit it.

Btw Syrian christians are really nice people .


So don't compromise in friendship don't be an easy to get person just cos you think happy life styles are there with them. Be a stone headed person and don't worry about all this unneeded social business it will only drag you down . Cause if you have a little bit of islam inside you then you will find yourself in a low mood as you see how you are killing this bit of islam by following the uprising trend of modern living. And when you lose this bit, know that you are a looser. Its simple you lost something inside but they lost nothing cos its their life already.

Anyways mutual respect is what anyone needs in friendship with non muslims but No one needs to compromise .

[SweetCherryPie]

I wasn't being high and mighty. I don't believe I have been disrespectful here either.

Just to clarify, I wasn't talking about you :)

[cat eyes]

JazakAllah to all Muslims who took time to clarify my ignorance. I was asking this because I've seen Muslims who will tell you "dont make friendship with opposite gender" but then they make friendship with kufaar and hang out with them. If the reason for not making friendship or hanging out with opposite gender is that it can let us to commit sin then we have to be careful with even Kaafir friends! Their gatherings can influence us!

I was watching a video by Noman Ali Kham (Quranic student of knowledge), and he said that he was born as a Muslim but he became atheist because of the company of atheists he had. Then he came back to Islam.

So this means one cannot make friendship with kaaafirs or hang out with them or play ps3 with them or something of that sort.

hummm it seems like you are confusing yourself.. theres loads of vids on youtube about this...you cannot be friends with a disbeliever if you feel your imaan is in danger so if you feel that your imaan can be harmed then you should reframe immediately from keeping the company of disbelievers this has been agreed upon by numerous scholars

[cat eyes]

Fair enough. but then friendship with an atheist can lead one to atheism too. Friendship with a a deist can lead one to deism ... why just forbid friendship with opposite gender but not with a kufaar ... I see so many Muslims who hang out with kufaar yet if they see me talking to opposite gender their response is "7araaaam" :(

of course its haraam to hang out with the opposite gender sister. women and men were not created to be ''friends'' with each other

The only reason why some men want to be in the company of women is just for one thing and that one thing is on ALL OF THERE MINDS 24/7:)

sister don't fool yourself in to thinking that just because a man wants to be friends with you so it means because he respects you.. no its actually the very opposite.

okay lets just give u an example as to why its dangerous.. what if that ''friend'' tried it on with you or forced himself on you when both of yous are alone?

another example what if you started to develop feelings for him and an emotional attachment and ended up committing zina?

Theres loads of threads here and it has happened where the woman or man always ends up having feelings for each other in the end.

A woman and a man are never alone together but that shayytan is there third.

Shayytan is always there when ever a man and a woman are alone together putting temptations and desires in to there hearts and one thing always leads to another

so sister never be fooled in to thinking that this is okay and nothing is going to happen.. not only that but you are doing other sins by inviting this guy in to your company and showing off your beauty to him

Constantly tempting him to do haraam things with you.

Your heart might be clear but still you would be held accountable for it because you are inviting evil.

Okay well i hope i said enough to convince you that this type of mingling is not save.
:wa:

[ardianto]

From my observation, there is difference between Hijabi sisters and Niqabi sisters.

Niqabi sisters never talk with non-mahram men.

[Badr87]

I almost got lost of my Iman while hanging out with them xtians,i was exposed to all sort of zina.If not for almighty Allah,i was almost astray.they know they r already lost,so they need companies.pls be aware.

[Salahudeen]

Ok let me explain a basic principle of Islam to everyone here, Alpha dude has all ready mentioned it but I feel the need to mention it again.

In Islam we don't put our own opinions forth when the Qur'an and Sunnah give us guidance on a matter. Islam has given us guidance on the matter of friendships with opposite gender and being friends with non muslims.

If you don't agree with Islam on these two matters, then "do you believe in a part of the Scripture and reject the rest? Then what is the recompense of those who do so among you, except disgrace in the life of this world, and on the Day of Resurrection they shall be consigned to the most grievous torment. And Allah is aware of what you do."

we follow everything whether or not it agree's with our own personal desires/opinions.

you may not like Islam's stance on a particular thing but that doesn't give you the right to put your own opinion forth as a Muslim, because Allah says in the Qur'an

"And whoever contradicts and opposes the Messenger (Muhammad ) after the right path has been shown clearly to him, and follows other than the believers' way. We shall keep him in the path he has chosen, and burn him in Hell - what an evil destination"

the messenger has clearly spoken on this matter, the path of the believers is clear on this matter.

if you don't agree with it or like it that's your problem, but don't put your own opinion forth and contend with the opinion of Allah and his rasool when the right path has been made clear.

Muslim by definition is 1 who submits to the commands of Allah, are you submitting when you put your own opinion forth and compete with the opinion of Allah and his messenger?

I think certain people need to go and look at the definition of the word "Muslim" then come back and realise that they're own opinion is worth nothing at all when it comes to the rulings of Islam.

as someone previously mentioned your personal experiences don't constitute a general ruling for all the Muslims' so please refrain from posting your personal experiences and saying there's nothing wrong with it.

cos PERSONAL EXPERIENCES DO NOT CONSTITUTE RULINGS,

rulings can only be made from the Qur'an and sunnah, and by disobeying those rulings you are disobeying Allah regardless if you don't see anything wrong with it.

since when did you begin receiving revelation from Allah that enabled you to have knowledge of what is harmful for the Muslims' and what isn't? so please keep your personal opinions to yourself if it contradicts what the Qur'an and sunnah preaches.

because a less knowledgeable Muslim might get influenced by your haraam opinion and then you will be accountable for it on the day of judgement.

I guess there is nothing wrong with putting your personal opinion forward when it clearly contradicts Qur'an and sunnah if you are a NON MUSLIM because then the thread OP won't get confused, he will understand that you are not a Muslim therefore your opinion might not conform with the Qur'an and sunnah.

But if you're a Muslim, please only put forth that which conforms with the Qur'an and sunnah. to avoid confusing Muslim's with your haraam personal opinion.

[Salahudeen]

:sl:S<chowdary quoted from the rules of this site.

There is no absolute freedom of speech here. Meaning, people can't come and say anti-Islamic stuff and have it allowed under the banner of freedom of speech. In the same manner, spreading misleading views is not allowed either.

This is nothing against new members. However, our faith is based upon two primary sources: Quran and hadith. If you have people speaking from their own opinion, then they are not really following Islam, are they? They are likely to spread their misguidance to other people too.

If a muslim comes and says 'alcohol doesn't make me go drunk, I don't believe it should be forbidden'. Does that make it ok? No. We go to the sources of Islam to really see if it is allowed or not and without a doubt, it is impermissible.

With regards to the intermingling with the opposite gender, it is clear where Islam stands. We're not allowed. Anyone who says otherwise, is not being true to what his religion says. He has corrupted his belief. There is no proof of his position. Therefore, you get these calls for 'bring your proof'.

Remember, we believe in Allah, then we follow what he tells us. We don't apply our whims and opinions on deen related stuff. It's irrational to say we are muslims, yet don't really follow what the two primary sources of Islam tell us.

Sister, this is not an issue of piety.

Everybody sins and noboy is perfect.

The issue is rather of belief itself. If you claim to believe in Islam, you cannot disregard certain aspects just because your opinion tells you otherwise. You believe in it all and anything else that goes against Islam, you throw away. Not the other way round. If you do that, then you're not being true to your faith.

If you believed 1+2 = 3 and if somewhere down the line you started believing 2 has a value of 8 instead, wouldn't you say that was misguided?

In the same way, if you accept that Allah is real and the message he sent the Prophet Muhammd SAW is real, then you accept that the Quran and Hadiths are our primary source of legislation in Islam. If you then come and say that your opinions override what is in the Quran/hadith, isn't that misguided?

Masha Allah, this is spot on, please people read this and understand it. YOUR OWN OPINION DOESN'T OVERRIDE WHAT IS IN THE QUR'AN AND HADITH

[Danah]

I call friendship with the opposite gender as getting the fuel close to the fire.

End of the story!

[Nokiacrazi]

I always love to speak to non Muslims, especially those who have criticisms of Islam. When speaking of religion to non Muslims, I like to ask them what they do not like about Islam, or think is wrong in it, rather then mention all that is good, as it is these 'bad' things which keeps them from accepting it.

We should always be kind and helpful even to those who are not, and if they have any questions on religion that we know the answer to we should try to answer insha'Allah.

As for the matter at hand, I have to agree with the sister above. It begins with friendship. Then satan does his work. Enough said. May Allah guide us.