Single life is killing me

[AnonymousPoster]

Asalaamua alaykum my brothers and sisters.
First I'll set the scene for you. I'm a 20 year old convert, living in an area with like...NO muslims. Alhamdoulileh! It's proving a struggle, but I'm hoping I can maintain patience and just keep checking myself insha'Allah.

Lately I've been finding myself more and more marriage obsessed. I'm sure I'd shy away from the reality, but for me, the idea is weighing on my mind. How it would change my life, how it would end so much lonliness I am facing. Like, right now, I'm surrounded by non-Muslims, friends and family, and I'm absolutely at ends as a result. I mean, they're all in relationships. Cousins, siblings, etc I'm the last (but not youngest) single in my family.
I've had relationships before I came to Islam, and now it's like, I'm craving what I've had with people in the past (no, not the 'urges'. More along the lines of the supportive party, the emotional connections, having fun with someone.)

I try and bring it all up (knowing I'm unprepared,

but trying to work on this insha'Allah) and the biggest reaction I get is along the line sof "But brother, you're so young!" like I'm not completely aware of my age, or trying to act ahead of myself.

Any advice would be amazing.
I'm sorry for the carry on.

JazakhAllah kheir.

[Salahudeen]

If you have the means to get married then you should, regardless of your age, the younger the better. Marriage isn't for when you get old it's for when your ripe and young. :)

If you can provide the due rights then get married, and if you can't provide the due rights you might find a woman who will compromise with you and put it in the contract that your free of this obligation till you are able to provide the due rights.

but I'm not sure if you can do that but I think you can, need to ask a scholar.

anyway getting married young is encouraged in Islam, the prophet peace be upon him said "O young men whoever so amongst you has the means to get married then let him to so, for it will protect his chastity and guard his modesty."

but if you can not get married and you are having trouble with urges then do the fast of Dawood which is, you fast on every other day, so you fast 1 day then take a break the following day then you fast again the next day.

If it was upto me I would've got married at 15 lol :) but society is structured in such a way that you need to be in middle 20s to early 30s before you have a good job and are able to get married.

[AnonymousPoster]

Salaam brother Squiggle and thank you for your input.

At this point in my life, I have a stable job, I do all my own housework and pretty much parent a younger sibling and their significant other. Alhamdulillah.
I mean, I'm very sure I can handle it. Will it be stressful? Of course, what marriage isn't? I know this going in.

...But people honestly having me believing me even talking about marriage at 20 is a 'taboo'...Makes things a bit worse.

But to clarify, 'male urges' are really the least of my problems.

JazakAllah kheir.

[Salahudeen]

Well if it's just your age that is bothering you I wouldn't let that stop me. Marriage is good I believe, if you have a stable job and everything.

Your not to young at all, I have a friend who got married at 18 and he has 2 kids now. If your in two minds about it try making istikhara prayer.

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[S<Chowdhury]

reaction I get is along the line sof "But brother, you're so young!" like I'm not completely aware of my age, or trying to act ahead of myself.

Any advice would be amazing.
I'm sorry for the carry on.

JazakhAllah kheir.

Bro don't listen to that I'm getting married this year I'm only 18 my parents and my family tell me the same thing as most people do your too young..... I think Brother squiggle advise is sound therefore i won't add much to it but as long as you fully know what marriage entails and you can live up to the duties as a husband i see no reason to why you can't get married.

[AnonymousPoster]

JazakAllah kheir brothers.

I know. And thank you.
But, I'm finding if everyone thinks it's so wrong, what would a sisters parents think? Would they follow suit with the typical "OMG. BUT YOU'RE 20! GO TRADE POKEMON CARDS!" mentality, or actually take some time to see how sincere I am, and observe my capabilities in everyday life...

[S<Chowdhury]

JazakAllah kheir brothers.

I know. And thank you.
But, I'm finding if everyone thinks it's so wrong, what would a sisters parents think? Would they follow suit with the typical "OMG. BUT YOU'RE 20! GO TRADE POKEMON CARDS!" mentality, or actually take some time to see how sincere I am, and observe my capabilities in everyday life...

Hmmm its just this cultural or society mentality like Brother squiggle said. Brother its gonna be hard no doubt about changing some people attitude to young marriage, but you just have to stick at and prove them wrong and show them you are capable of maintaining a marriage.

[Muslim Woman]

:wa:

. I'm a 20 year old convert,

bro , Welcome to Islam :statisfie

Lately I've been finding myself more and more marriage obsessed. .

why not post your biodata in a maariage site ? So that Parents of ur ' would be wife ' can contact with U ?

Till marriage , u can fast regularly. May Allah bless you with a pious wife , Ameen.

[Muslim Woman]

:sl:

double post :embarrass

[AnonymousPoster]

JazakAllah kheir Muslim Woman.

Are marriage sites really...ideal...In an Islamic sense?
Not sure how my parents would like that either - what are some good ones?:statisfie

[Muslim Woman]

:sl:

...
Are marriage sites really...ideal...In an Islamic sense?

If parents contact u , I see no problem why cant u proceed ? At first , u can use any screen name . After registration ( it's free ) , u can also browse other's biodata.



http://a1im.com/

[zana]

is it shadi.com?????

i just think its all in ur fate allah will bring wats best for u

[S<Chowdhury]

is it shadi.com?????

i just think its all in ur fate allah will bring wats best for u

trust me these matrimonial sites are really rubbish, i for a joke put my cousin up on the site and got the sleaziest replies ugh vulgar :raging:........ There are like a billion males and only a few hundred handful of women........

[Muslim Woman]

:sl:

trust me these matrimonial sites are really rubbish, ........

No bro . I posted a biodata of a female ralative . Got a good response , she is happily married now and blessed with a baby boy few months back .

[Muslim Woman]

:sl:

is it shadi.com?????

There are several sites. Shaadi.com is also good but it takes time to post biodata there.

i just think its all in ur fate allah will bring wats best for u

Prophet pbuh said : ties your camel and depend on Allah .

[AnonymousPoster]

I think that it's easier for a girl to get interest on such a site than a guy. The guys swoop on new female profiles? The ratio is very out of whack?

I'm still not sold on the idea of 'online'...
Kheir insha'Allah.

[Cabdullahi]

I'm feeling exactly the same :( for me there are two options one is haram and the other is halal, the halal option is made so difficult to achieve when the haram is so easily accessible

it should be the other way round and parents are not helping at all it is as if they forgot that they once experienced this straining temptation...mind you things have changed since then, its now 100 times tougher :( :( :( :(

[S<Chowdhury]

^^^^^^^^^^^Tell me about it bro the strains are immense....I think many parents just want there children to succeed academically before marriage........therefore they see marriage as a distraction in your studies, i don't think they have forgetten though its just the priorities are different.

[AnonymousPoster]

I checked out a1im.com and Shaadi.com. And I honestly and sincerely doubt any success would come of either.

"Must be doctor"
"Seeking Bengali only"
And things of that nature seem so rampant it's ridiculous.

Even to the specifics of specifying ones height?!
Are you serious?
You can't be serious... :/

Being a convert, seems like such a barrier in itself, I think. I mean, I have culture to worry about too. I've heard of parents saying no on the basis that converts "Never stay Muslim" or because a converts "Family is too different". Ya Allah.
Then there's being 20. Either I'm over reacting, or I have a lot to prove. Nerves are definitely showing. :$

And brother Abdullahii, you are right. The haraam is the easier way. Of course what's easy isn't always what's best...But it's certainly not a healthy turn of events for society.

[SMA89]

I would recommend getting a College/University Education before you get married. Once you get married, your financial burden increases and you will need a good job that can take care of you and your family. The only way to get a good income these days is through post secondary education. I believe it will be really hard for you to manage both school, work and family. I am also 20 just like you and I also wanted to get married but I want to have a bright future for my family and I. Dont think i'm immature tho, I am a successful entrepreneur. I have ran 2 small businesses so they cant talk about me not being responsible enough lol. So my recommendation is to get post secondary education then a job, and once you have enough money saved to take care of you and your family, then you should get married.

[Cabdullahi]

We just have to weather the storm and hope that something will happen but by that time we will be ravaged by frustration

[Cabdullahi]

I would recommend getting a College/University Education before you get married. Once you get married, your financial burden increases and you will need a good job that can take care of you and your family. The only way to get a good income these days is through post secondary education. I believe it will be really hard for you to manage both school, work and family. I am also 20 just like you and I also wanted to get married but I want to have a bright future for my family and I. Dont think i'm immature tho, I am a successful entrepreneur. I have ran 2 small businesses so they cant talk about me not being responsible enough lol. So my recommendation is to get post secondary education then a job, and once you have enough money saved to take care of you and your family, then you should get married.

will college education save me from zina or will it make me smile because i have someone to talk to about things

[KittenLover]

trust me these matrimonial sites are really rubbish, i for a joke put my cousin up on the site and got the sleaziest replies ugh vulgar :raging:........ There are like a billion males and only a few hundred handful of women........

i agree they are horrible, it's not policed enough it's to free and easy for people to do haraam with it.

I know boys in my class in uni who are only 19 and they chat to girls on there and lie to them and tell them all sorts.

[AnonymousPoster]

I would recommend getting a College/University Education before you get married. Once you get married, your financial burden increases and you will need a good job that can take care of you and your family. The only way to get a good income these days is through post secondary education. I believe it will be really hard for you to manage both school, work and family. I am also 20 just like you and I also wanted to get married but I want to have a bright future for my family and I. Dont think i'm immature tho, I am a successful entrepreneur. I have ran 2 small businesses so they cant talk about me not being responsible enough lol. So my recommendation is to get post secondary education then a job, and once you have enough money saved to take care of you and your family, then you should get married.

Some get through this a lot easier than others.
Some rationalise this a lot easier than others.

Some have something they want/crave/need and that's what.
My issue is not about zina, my issue as I said is about lonliness, and the fact that I've been 'distracting myself' by literally trying to bury myself in work at my job, then coming home, taking over and doing housework non-stop, and parenting others...Like sure, to an extent it's all necessary...But the reason I'm doing all of this is transparently because I'm trying to escape the reality that I need someone to talk to, spend time with, have fun with.

Sure, I have a lot of friends...Each of them has a partner. Fun. I feel like the last single on Earth sometimes.

[S<Chowdhury]

We just have to weather the storm and hope that something will happen but by that time we will be ravaged by frustration

Yeah Bro insha'Allah you'll get your bush girl hehe :p........ SMA89 i agree to the extent yes it's always better to get an education therefore you can offer your family a better life and provide for them.....however I'm being realistic yes juggling University and a marriage is gonna be very tough but it is still doable though brother SMA89.

[S<Chowdhury]

i agree they are horrible, it's not policed enough it's to free and easy for people to do haraam with it.

I know boys in my class in uni who are only 19 and they chat to girls on there and lie to them and tell them all sorts.

Exactly some even go to the extent of making you enter your mobile number (who do that in the first place is beyond me) to become a member and premium members are allowed to access the sensitive information such as those which i think is rather horrifying.

[noorseeker]

I'm feeling exactly the same :( for me there are two options one is haram and the other is halal, the halal option is made so difficult to achieve when the haram is so easily accessible

it should be the other way round and parents are not helping at all it is as if they forgot that they once experienced this straining temptation...mind you things have changed since then, its now 100 times tougher :( :( :( :(

I agree with what you have said bro.

Im finding single life hard

[CosmicPathos]

I have a friend who got married last year and is handling marriage and university quite well I assume. I have another friend who is doing uni, has a wife and 2 kids. But he is not doing AS great in uni from my standards. But he is ok with his performance. So it all depends on what you want from yourself and what are your expectations from the uni experience. Do you want a 4.0 gpa while having a wife or if you can settle for a 3.0? Achieving former is tough.

[Cabdullahi]

its absolutely hype when people say you can't balance education and marriage...its nonsense ....if their saying it will not work what solution do they then bring to the table??!

[CosmicPathos]

its absolutely hype when people say you can't balance education and marriage...its nonsense ....if their saying it will not work what solution do they then bring to the table??!

the solution that dont get married till you finish education ;D

[CosmicPathos]

To the OP: Without any offense, it seems your emotions regarding marriage are less of a desire which erupts from within and are more influenced from your surrounding. I mean you said that you felt weird when everyone around you has a partner, you felt left out and lonely. So I would say that this is a temporary feeling, if you get busy in work, youll forget about marriage. I am saying this because I am assuming you are not in a risk of committing zina as you said that "male urges" are a non-issue for you. So wait it out before you marry.

[SMA89]

its absolutely hype when people say you can't balance education and marriage...its nonsense ....if their saying it will not work what solution do they then bring to the table??!

Anything is possible bro but why not Master at both? Finish education with a good GPA (mark) then have a good job that can support you and your family and then get married. Less burden on the shoulders. Spend time with friends/family to avoid loneliness. You have to be a man and step up and sacrifice your despair for the good.

I ran a business while taking courses in University. I was outside the whole day from 6AM till 11PM. Sometimes I would come back after midnight. The only time I had for my family and friends was the weekend. Just imagine how my life would be like if I was married. Think logically and make a decision. Create a plan and then implement it. Dont just jump into a risk without calculating the risk. Thats good you came here to ask questions and we hope we can help you make a decision that is the best for your outcome. My best solution to you as a Manager is to plan ahead and ask people that are experienced in this situation and come up with a decision.

[CosmicPathos]

Anything is possible bro but why not Master at both? Finish education with a good GPA (mark) then have a good job that can support you and your family and then get married. Less burden on the shoulders. Spend time with friends/family to avoid loneliness. You have to be a man and step up and sacrifice your despair for the good.

I ran a business while taking courses in University. I was outside the whole day from 6AM till 11PM. Sometimes I would come back after midnight. The only time I had for my family and friends was the weekend. Just imagine how my life would be like if I was married. Think logically and make a decision. Create a plan and then implement it. Dont just jump into a risk without calculating the risk. Thats good you came here to ask questions and we hope we can help you make a decision that is the best for your outcome. My best solution to you as a Manager is to plan ahead and ask people that are experienced in this situation and come up with a decision.

I like this approach. I personally know that if I wanted to get that 4.0 gpa, i could not get married cuz it would break away in 2 days :p

[S<Chowdhury]

its absolutely hype when people say you can't balance education and marriage...its nonsense ....

Yeah Bro it is

There is every right to be concerned that your education shouldn't be overtaken by marriage or vice versa i understand that but if you think about it logically you can actually balance all three out meaning - School Work, Your Marriage and Your Job. The best time of relationship is when the couple can take care of one anothers burden an genuinely support whole hearted. There’s time for everything under the sun. As long as you make time for one another specifically at some point during the day and attempt to support each other again i doubt it would be easy but you can lead a happy marriage whilst still studying. As long as you structure and plan it out it is possible

There also some Pro's to being married whilst studying in University for instances, studies have shown that married individuals are more productive and less likely to be involved in risky things. But more importantly as Brother Abdullahii pointed out can save us from Zina.

[KittenLover]

I like this approach. I personally know that if I wanted to get that 4.0 gpa, i could not get married cuz it would break away in 2 days :p

I feel as if being married would make me do better in my studies and make me excel more.

[CosmicPathos]

I feel as if being married would make me do better in my studies and make me excel more.

It could be different for different people you know. But I do not see how a married person can get >3.8 gpa in pre-med in the North Americas and all the while get involved in umpteenth extracurricular activities and still give time to his wife! Nay, impossible.

[SMA89]

I feel as if being married would make me do better in my studies and make me excel more.

Women are different. They need more support than Men.

[S<Chowdhury]

It could be different for different people you know. But I do not see how a married person can get >3.8 gpa in pre-med in the North Americas and all the while get involved in umpteenth extracurricular activities and still give time to his wife! Nay, impossible.

You've sort of answered it haven't you it works for different people, so marriage is not for everyone at a young age especially those who have a very intense course such as yourself but for others it could work therefore it rather depends on circumstances doesn't it to a certain extent ?

[SMA89]

The only person I saw that really survived through this process in a successful way is Chris Gardner from the movie "The Pursuit of Happyness". True Story.

[CosmicPathos]

You've sort of answered it haven't you it works for different people, so marriage is not for everyone at a young age especially those who have a very intense course such as yourself but for others it could work therefore it rather depends on circumstances doesn't it to a certain extent ?

yup, you are right. That is precisely what I meant. I was just talking for people who are in my boat :p Cant a battered man even do that? :embarrass

[crayon]

Asalamu alaikum!

Some thoughts:

-people don't get married in a matter of a few days. let people you know, any muslims you know, that you're looking to get married. by the time you find that someone, you may be a bit older, and therefore have a better chance at being successful. or, if Allah has destined it, you'll find someone right away, and you'll deal with things as they come. either way, make it clear that you want to get married.

-make friends, preferably muslim ones, even better if they're single. i'm not sure just how lacking your area is in muslim brothers, but look hard, there must be some out there, right? it's natural to want company, humans are social creatures, and it is difficult sometimes feeling like you're the only one who's alone.. so inshaAllah having muslim brothers around would be beneficial in that aspect, especially unmarried ones.

-get a hobby, keep yourself busy. honestly, use this time for something beneficial, you will regret not doing so later when you're busy with work and a wife and kids (inshaAllah). set a goal and start doing something worthwhile. it'll help keep your mind off lonliness, and you'll be improving yourself so that when it does come time for you to be married, you'll be more confident in your abilities and in who you are, making you a better person. think of something you've always wanted to do, and do that! memorize quran or hadiths, learn something new, etc. there's so much to do, so little time, if only we knew! the Prophet peace be upon him said "“There are two bounties of Allah wherein most people are deceived, health and free time”.

-lastly, know that everything happens in due time. when the time is right, it will happen, don't rush it, because that way you miss out on the present. make dua.

InshaAllah khair, brother. :)

[Danah]

First, welcome to Islam

Second, I don't advise you to not use those matrimonial sites because you don't really who you are talking to behind the screens. May Allah grant you a pious Muslim wife very soon inshaAllah. My advice to you, you have to widen your circle of friendship with Muslims who can help you in finding a good Muslim wife

...But people honestly having me believing me even talking about marriage at 20 is a 'taboo'...Makes things a bit worse.

Unfortunately, they consider it as a taboo while illegal relationships is something very normal and considered as freedom!!

[cat eyes]

how on earth can marriage get in the way of your education?? is your wife going to eat you for studying? seriously this is the most Ridiculous non islamic theory i ever heard:hmm why do people make it sound like marriage is rocket science.

and dont use the ''not being able to support her excuse'' when the government helps married couples out and have no problems what so ever.

just face it brothers, yous are all afraid of committing yourself :rolleyes:

[KittenLover]

how on earth can marriage get in the way of your education?? is your wife going to eat you for studying? seriously this is the most Ridiculous non islamic theory i ever heard:hmm why do people make it sound like marriage is rocket science.

and dont use the ''not being able to support her excuse'' when the government helps married couples out and have no problems what so ever.

just face it brothers, yous are all afraid of committing yourself :rolleyes:

;D you know a man is never going to admit he is afraid of commitment.

[Cabdullahi]

^ sister we are not afraid why should we be...what is there to be scared of?....we want to commit to a life long relationship backed up with the Islamic contract that adds an ethical value to the relationship

[SMA89]

With the world full of beautiful women, I am the first to admit I am afraid of commitment lollll.

[Cabdullahi]

With the world full of beautiful women, I am the first to admit I am afraid of commitment lollll.

speak for yourself mate!! :raging:

[SMA89]

speak for yourself mate!! :raging:

lol I am speaking for myself. I dont feel like I can settle down and I might not even get married :(

[Cabdullahi]

lol I am speaking for myself. I dont feel like I can settle down and I might not even get married :(

good character will never equal sheer beauty...so you go hunt for beautiful women but know that you wont benefit an atom's worth of good...you'll only receive heartache

[KittenLover]

good character will never equal sheer beauty...so you go hunt for beautiful women but know that you wont benefit an atom's worth of good...you'll only receive heartache

I don't think your understand, the brother is a modern muslim who believes in following the bits of the qur'an that agree with his desires. He is of the opinion it is ok to drink wine cos it's good for you and if the rasool of Allah was alive today he would've made it permisable.

So I assume he see's no problem in having sexual relations with a woman outside of marriage because there's nothing wrong with it just like drinking wine. therefore he doesn't feel the need to get married with all those beautifull women out there.

[SMA89]

I don't think your understand, the brother is a modern muslim who believes in following the bits of the qur'an that agree with his desires. He is of the opinion it is ok to drink wine cos it's good for you and if the rasool of Allah was alive today he would've made it permisable.

So I assume he see's no problem in having sexual relations with a woman outside of marriage because there's nothing wrong with it just like drinking wine. therefore he doesn't feel the need to get married with all those beautifull women out there.

lol you understand me well.. I have had relationships with a lot of women. The relationships I encountered were all through natural feelings of love and care for my partner and I didnt go out to find love, it happened naturally. HOWEVER, I didn't cross the line believe it or not. I am still a virgin and plan on losing it with the one I plan on having with me for the rest of my life.

Abdullahi, why cant we have both? beautiful and with character?

From an Islamic perspective, you might find me as a bad person but I consider myself to be a very good man with a good heart for everyone, not just muslims.
I also believe God loves me for the things I do and plan on doing for the common good of the world.

[Cabdullahi]

lol you understand me well.. I have had relationships with a lot of women. The relationships I encountered were all through natural feelings of love and care for my partner and I didnt go out to find love, it happened naturally. HOWEVER, I didn't cross the line believe it or not. I am still a virgin and plan on losing it with the one I plan on having with me for the rest of my life.

Abdullahi, why cant we have both? beautiful and with character?

From an Islamic perspective, you might find me as a bad person but I consider myself to be a very good man with a good heart for everyone, not just muslims.

Brother you're lucky that you're still a virgin but if you carry on being influenced by this bogus 'natural feeling of love'' you'll lose your virginity and you'll be stripped of iman and you will be overcome by a feeling of emptiness.....if you want to love then there's nothing better than marriage.

you can have beauty and character as long as you do things in a halal manner

[KittenLover]

lol you understand me well.. I have had relationships with a lot of women. The relationships I encountered were all through natural feelings of love and care for my partner and I didnt go out to find love, it happened naturally. HOWEVER, I didn't cross the line believe it or not. I am still a virgin and plan on losing it with the one I plan on having with me for the rest of my life.

Abdullahi, why cant we have both? beautiful and with character?

From an Islamic perspective, you might find me as a bad person but I consider myself to be a very good man with a good heart for everyone, not just muslims.
I also believe God loves me for the things I do and plan on doing for the common good of the world.

well you see the thing is, this tiny little thing that is bothering me, I would have no problem with it if you didn't call yourself a Muslim and follower of Muhammed (Saw)

the issue comes when you call yourself a Muslim and make your own religion to suit yourself. I mean to quote you

You guys are giving me reference from a book which means nothing. People can write many books, but am I going to blindly follow it without knowing that they are 100% a fact? Its basically like telling me to believe everything on the internet that a random person writes. I am not a conservative that follows rules that a book has told us to do. I am a modern muslim. I follow the things I believe are right in the Quran

you see why call yourself a Muslim and then go against everything the religion teaches? I just don't understand it, why not just remove the Muslim label and then go out drinking with your friends and what ever else pleases you.

you follow the bits that you believe are right in the Qur'an and reject the rest but a Muslim is 1 who submits to God completely.

Do you believe the Qur'an to be a book from God? if yes how can you reject certain verses of God?

if you don't believe it to be from god then your not a muslim and it's simple.

[aadil77]

Why do I think this guy is actually the banned member 'Bangully'

same views, same sins, same kufr

[Intisar]

:sl:

its absolutely hype when people say you can't balance education and marriage...its nonsense ....if their saying it will not work what solution do they then bring to the table??!

I completely agree, it's more about balancing and managing your time well. I'm married and in uni, it's tough but once you get the hang of it inshaAllaah you'll get more used to scheduling everything and making sure you're not putting too much on your plate that you can't handle.

Allaah doesn't burden a soul more than it can bear. :)

[SMA89]

well you see the thing is, this tiny little thing that is bothering me, I would have no problem with it if you didn't call yourself a Muslim and follower of Muhammed (Saw)

the issue comes when you call yourself a Muslim and make your own religion to suit yourself. I mean to quote you



you see why call yourself a Muslim and then go against everything the religion teaches? I just don't understand it, why not just remove the Muslim label and then go out drinking with your friends and what ever else pleases you.

you follow the bits that you believe are right in the Qur'an and reject the rest but a Muslim is 1 who submits to God completely.

Do you believe the Qur'an to be a book from God? if yes how can you reject certain verses of God?

if you don't believe it to be from god then your not a muslim and it's simple.

If you were to do that. I believe every single muslim should revoke calling themselves Muslims. Dont you think? I mean after all Every muslim has committed a sin right? unless you are the perfect one..
I believe the Muslim population would be cut more than half if you were to do that and Islam would be the least minority religion. I am a muslim, a modern muslim and a good muslim. Instead of criticizing let God be the judge to whether who is good and who is bad. I see that Christians are doing more good for the world than the muslims are. Do you think God loves people that waste their life? or loves people that do good for the world and for the people (not just muslims) of the world?

[KittenLover]

If you were to do that. I believe every single muslim should revoke calling themselves Muslims. Dont you think? I mean after all Every muslim has committed a sin right? unless you are the perfect one..
I believe the Muslim population would be cut more than half if you were to do that and Islam would be the least minority religion. I am a muslim, a modern muslim and a good muslim. Instead of criticizing let God be the judge to whether who is good and who is bad. I see that Christians are doing more good for the world than the muslims are. Do you think God loves people that waste their life? or loves people that do good for the world and for the people (not just muslims) of the world?

the issue is not about sin, the issue is about rejecting the verses of Allah in the qur'an.

do you believe the qur'an to be from God? and is a perfect guide on every aspect on life?

You guys are giving me reference from a book which means nothing. People can write many books, but am I going to blindly follow it without knowing that they are 100% a fact? Its basically like telling me to believe everything on the internet that a random person writes. I am not a conservative that follows rules that a book has told us to do. I am a modern muslim. I follow the things I believe are right in the Quran

above you stated that I gave you a reference from a book which means nothinig, the reference I gave you was from the Qur'an, so does the qur'an mean nothing to you? you said many people can write books, so do you believe the qur'an was written by a person and isn't revealed from god?

so you don't believe in the law of allah? you don't belive in certain verses right? you only believe in the verses that you believe are right?

[CosmicPathos]

how on earth can marriage get in the way of your education?? is your wife going to eat you for studying? seriously this is the most Ridiculous non islamic theory i ever heard:hmm why do people make it sound like marriage is rocket science.

and dont use the ''not being able to support her excuse'' when the government helps married couples out and have no problems what so ever.

just face it brothers, yous are all afraid of committing yourself :rolleyes:

I think marriage can be a hurdle because your wife would expect you to spend at least 2 hours daily with her? Some education programs are so hectic that students do not have time for themselves ... I am talking about such situations.

So what better way than to not get married for the time being instead of hurting her and the relationship?

[Cabdullahi]

I think marriage can be a hurdle because your wife would expect you to spend at least 2 hours daily with her? Some education programs are so hectic that students do not have time for themselves ... I am talking about such situations.

So what better way than to not get married for the time being instead of hurting her and the relationship?

If i could get someone to speak to for 2 hours a day that would be fab! in fact 2 hours is too little...i came back yesterday after being given my cws grade back which was shocking...i was upset and wanted someone to talk to but went home and stared at the wall

[S<Chowdhury]

If i could get someone to speak to for 2 hours a day that would be fab! in fact 2 hours is too little...i came back yesterday after being given my cws grade back which was shocking...i was upset and wanted someone to talk to but went home and stared at the wall

Bro you could always come and talk to me :D.......inshallah you'll do better next time. I can understand in some situations it rather difficult to spend time with your wife when your course is so heavy that literally you cannot make time. I don't think its the commitment issue as its society aswell that causes the problem like the OP said its rather hard when most people say " Bro your on 18 what do you wanna settle down so quickly for......are you silly you can't juggle a marriage and a degree".

[AnonymousPoster]

To the OP: Without any offense, it seems your emotions regarding marriage are less of a desire which erupts from within and are more influenced from your surrounding. I mean you said that you felt weird when everyone around you has a partner, you felt left out and lonely. So I would say that this is a temporary feeling, if you get busy in work, youll forget about marriage. I am saying this because I am assuming you are not in a risk of committing zina as you said that "male urges" are a non-issue for you. So wait it out before you marry.

You're right. They are indeed a direct result of my surroundings.
That makes nothing easier though, bro. I mean, if anything it makes things harder.
It's not so muhc that I feel weird. Lonely, sure. Left out, not to much also.
I mean, it's the fact I've done the whole relationship thing in the past, and had one very close and very long term relationship. Things are just so much better when you have someone there who you just click with, and can share everything with, and be each others rocks.
It's not co-dependance. I guess it's human nature to want to pair up.
I find the urges I'm having in this sense, a million times more insistant than 'male hormonal urges'.

How long do you suggest one 'waits it out'?
I suppose I want advice on what action I should take...

-people don't get married in a matter of a few days. let people you know, any muslims you know, that you're looking to get married. by the time you find that someone, you may be a bit older, and therefore have a better chance at being successful. or, if Allah has destined it, you'll find someone right away, and you'll deal with things as they come. either way, make it clear that you want to get married.

You're right. People don't get ,married in a few days. So I feel I should be taking action on this front as soon as possible, since it's already getting to me and has been for a long time. I've expressed earlier in the thread I feel capable but part of my issue is with Muslims "Marriage?! Such a young age! OMG WAIT BROTHER NOOO!" My point is whenever I bring it up I'm basically made to feel too young, emotionally immature, immature in other ways, weak or incapable. I think I used the word 'taboo' earlier. Is that really what a desire for marriage at my age for a male should be seen as? A taboo?

-make friends, preferably muslim ones, even better if they're single. i'm not sure just how lacking your area is in muslim brothers, but look hard, there must be some out there, right? it's natural to want company, humans are social creatures, and it is difficult sometimes feeling like you're the only one who's alone.. so inshaAllah having muslim brothers around would be beneficial in that aspect, especially unmarried ones.

I travel about an hour and a half right now to get to any real Muslim community. If there are Muslims here it's VERY hard to find them. Well, I've found ONE. He owns a pizzaria...Complete with the sale of alcohol, and haraam meat - that from the flesh of pigs is included. I've been looking a few years for someone practising. I guess the fact we have no where to congregate has a lot to do with this search seeming so **** arduous

At the end of the day. All of my friends and family make me smile. Muslim or non-Muslim. This isn't an issue of needing sociality. I have that. I have peope I can depend on, rely on, whatever. It's about needing that bit more, in terms of sharing, trust, reliance, and having someone there with no doubt nor fear of rejection.

-get a hobby, keep yourself busy. honestly, use this time for something beneficial, you will regret not doing so later when you're busy with work and a wife and kids (inshaAllah). set a goal and start doing something worthwhile. it'll help keep your mind off lonliness, and you'll be improving yourself so that when it does come time for you to be married, you'll be more confident in your abilities and in who you are, making you a better person. think of something you've always wanted to do, and do that! memorize quran or hadiths, learn something new, etc. there's so much to do, so little time, if only we knew! the Prophet peace be upon him said "“There are two bounties of Allah wherein most people are deceived, health and free time”.

Ha! As I've said already.
I already swamp myself in work, and housework, and taking care of my sibling...Nothing works!
This is a great suggestion overall though. :) Maybe I need to find something I ACTUALLY enjoy.

-lastly, know that everything happens in due time. when the time is right, it will happen, don't rush it, because that way you miss out on the present. make dua.

InshaAllah khair, brother.

JazakAllah kheir sister Crayon.

how on earth can marriage get in the way of your education?? is your wife going to eat you for studying? seriously this is the most Ridiculous non islamic theory i ever heard:hmm why do people make it sound like marriage is rocket science.

and dont use the ''not being able to support her excuse'' when the government helps married couples out and have no problems what so ever.

just face it brothers, yous are all afraid of committing yourself

Cat eyes is right! :)

With the world full of beautiful women, I am the first to admit I am afraid of commitment lollll.

Guh! Good for you, then...

[04/11/2009]

I know the feeling of longing for a companion its very lonely and it does not feel good at all, i don't know if anyone else had suggested but insha allah try singlemuslim.com alot have found success on the site. May allah grant you a beautiful pious wife. Ameen.

[KittenLover]

I know the feeling of longing for a companion its very lonely and it does not feel good at all, i don't know if anyone else had suggested but insha allah try singlemuslim.com alot have found success on the site. May allah grant you a beautiful pious wife. Ameen.

yes it's like finding a needle in a haystack on that site. not many praticing Muslim's on there. 1 guy actually messaged and said "I have six pack abs" :hmm: then he started asking if we would like to see. :hmm:

[AnonymousPoster]

All of these websites sound just splendid. :D

[04/11/2009]

yes it's like finding a needle in a haystack on that site. not many praticing Muslim's on there. 1 guy actually messaged and said "I have six pack abs" :hmm: then he started asking if we would like to see. :hmm:

+o(:eek:Na udubillah, i haven't come across such guys, and i pray i don't either i'ed probably delete my profile real fasr, i've seen few who say they are decent and who also would not speak to you unless they speak to your wali, which i guess shows that they might be good people, i don't know. I mostly get the visa seekers though lol.

[AnonymousPoster]

All of these websites sound just splendid. :D

This was sarcasm...

[FAISAL85]

JazakAllah kheir brothers.

I know. And thank you.
But, I'm finding if everyone thinks it's so wrong, what would a sisters parents think? Would they follow suit with the typical "OMG. BUT YOU'RE 20! GO TRADE POKEMON CARDS!" mentality, or actually take some time to see how sincere I am, and observe my capabilities in everyday life...

my pikachu for your charizard?
wheeeezing... squirtle squirtle.
find a girl who has good din, wears hijab, is happy to pray, likes to cook, help you clean, likes to trade pokemon cards, and makes your Islam easy.
have beautiful patience and perservere.
or you can jus move to indonesia :statisfie :shade:

[AnonymousPoster]

my pikachu for your charizard?
wheeeezing... squirtle squirtle.
find a girl who has good din, wears hijab, is happy to pray, likes to cook, help you clean, likes to trade pokemon cards, and makes your Islam easy.
have beautiful patience and perservere.
or you can jus move to indonesia :statisfie :shade:

Hah! I have no plans to leave the country I am in. I love it here.
Also, I like to cook. :phew Is that girly?:raging:

Insha'Allah kheyran. 'Find a girl...' is the bit that getting me lol.

[★ηαѕιнα★]

People!! I would strongly want to advice you to STAY AWAY from those sites. You never know the intentions of those people. The best way to find sombody is by networking.
So brother maybe you should ask around at the local mosque or so??

Networking people, networking. That way you can rule out the crazy and looney people.
Let them find someone else looney. And go play catch a mouse with somebody else. ;D

Funny Pokemon jokes btw! ;D

[Salahudeen]

People!! I would strongly want to advice you to STAY AWAY from those sites. You never know the intentions of those people. The best way to find sombody is by networking.
So brother maybe you should ask around at the local mosque or so??

Networking people, networking. That way you can rule out the crazy and looney people.
Let them find someone else looney. And go play catch a mouse with somebody else. ;D

Funny Pokemon jokes btw! ;D

I have to agree with this, networking is the best way because when you go through friends they can tell you what the person is like also. And you know the person won't be able to hide any nasty secrets from you.

I've decided now I will probably go through friends to find a wife, ask them to fix me up.

[AnonymousPoster]

Jazakallah. I know how circular this is, but when the majority of peope I've told about my thoughts basically try and tell me I'm too young, rather than get to know my reasoning, or even me to the level they should to know whether I'm capable of being a husband or not, even networking is 'the hard way' as it were...

[AnonymousPoster]

Bump.:statisfie

[OurIslamic]

Asalamu Alaikum bro,

I just want to remind you that you're not too young to get married. (I'm 17 and I'm already engaged).

HOWEVER, you must be able to support your family. If you can't, not only are you hurting yourself, but also your wife. Think, to yourself, how you would feel if you got married to someone who couldn't support you.

[KittenLover]

+o(:eek:Na udubillah, i haven't come across such guys, and i pray i don't either i'ed probably delete my profile real fasr, i've seen few who say they are decent and who also would not speak to you unless they speak to your wali, which i guess shows that they might be good people, i don't know. I mostly get the visa seekers though lol.

wow really? they all ways say to me, "why is your brother looking for you?"

then you explain the whole concept of wali to them. It's like talking to a non muslim at times. I've come across so many messed up guys on there who only have Muslim names.

they expect relationships before marriage :raging: to be honest I've only come across weirdo's on matrimoney sites, non praticing muslim's, I think maybe it could be the age range that I'm looking in that's why.

They are no where near moderated enough, if that was my site I would ensure no conversation was private like I'd have every conversation checked by a moderator just like posts on this forum are.

[cat eyes]

yeah over grown kitten i think your not looking in the right places;D