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markislam
03-01-2010, 04:43 PM
well as all of you know i am a new revert

today morning i was praying fajr in the living room she saw me do that and go mad at me saying can you stop praying here and go some where else

I did not say anything i said yes i will. I did not argue or get mad i kept my calm.

what should i do in situations like this


:phew
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جوري
03-01-2010, 07:40 PM
who is she? I thought you got a divorce?

:w:
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markislam
03-01-2010, 10:55 PM
yes i did get a divorce but that was islamic divorce i have to stay till she finishes college due to legal reasons :(
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-Fallen Angel-
03-01-2010, 11:06 PM
Originally Posted by markislam
yes i did get a divorce but that was islamic divorce i have to stay till she finishes college due to legal reasons :(
Wow she must really be anti-Islam to tell you to stop praying like that. I think you need to have a word with her, tell her that you respect her opinions and free will but that you want to pray and you should not recieve such abuse. If she presists, you can always go to the local Mosque (if it's close by), but you should not hide it, if she gets angry, let her. You should only wory about Allah and how he would react.
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جوري
03-01-2010, 11:10 PM
:sl:

can you be Islamically divorced and still share a roof with her? I don't know.. I think one of you needs to move out as your problems are on going and not very likely to be resolved.. If I were you I'd just get a lawyer and see if I can sit down with her and work it out legally as pertains the the children and finances that is..

and Allah swt knows best
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'Abd-al Latif
03-01-2010, 11:17 PM
Originally Posted by markislam
yes i did get a divorce but that was islamic divorce i have to stay till she finishes college due to legal reasons :(
:salamext:

You have as much right to practice your religion as mush as she does in your home.

My dear brother, before I say anything about prayer I want you to read this link: http://portraitofatraveller.wordpres...most-merciful/.

Secondly, I urge you not to give up. You have a right to practice your religion as much as she does in your house. The prayer is the most powerful form of calling people towards Allah and you should not make this compromise. At fajr, out of all the other times, everyone must have been asleep and probably no one else saw you so I don't see the big deal.

Stay firm, for patience and victory go hand to hand. But if you endure patiently, verily, it is better for the patient. [Nahl 16:126]

So wait patiently for the Decision of your Lord, for verily, you are under Our Eyes. [Toor 52:48]

But if you remain patient and become Al-Muttaqoon (the pious), not the least harm will their cunning do to you. Surely, Allaah surrounds all that they do. [Imraan 3:120]

And verily, whosoever shows patience and forgives, that would truly be from the things recommended by Allaah. [al-Shoora 42:34]

And endure you patiently, your patience is not but from Allaah. And grieve not over them, and be not distressed because of what they plot.

128. Truly, Allaah is with those who fear Him (keep their duty unto Him), and those who are Muhsinoon (good‑doers).
[Nahl 16:127]

Allah will guard you and support you so stay firm and let this not hinder you. Surely, Allaah is with those who are patient. [Anfaal 6:46]

My du'aas are with you.
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AnonymousPoster
03-01-2010, 11:37 PM
Originally Posted by markislam
yes i did get a divorce but that was islamic divorce i have to stay till she finishes college due to legal reasons :(
What country do you live in?....i find this odd for any type of arrangement. If you divorce her legally than cant she get loans and pay her own way through college??? ...makes no sense. Another thing, are you paying the rent? mortgage? tell her to slow her roll and go pray in a locked room or get out of there.
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sur
03-02-2010, 06:02 AM
Originally Posted by markislam
yes i did get a divorce but that was islamic divorce i have to stay till she finishes college due to legal reasons :(
Originally Posted by Gossamer skye
:sl:
can you be Islamically divorced and still share a roof with her? I don't know.. ...and Allah swt knows best
About Mark's case,,, Though situation in following Ahadees is NOT exactly the same, but still, following Ahadees give a precedent of living under one roof after divorce... till Iddat is complete...


Bukhari:7:63:244 & 248...... Bukhari:9:89:274:
Sahih Muslim:9:3473-4-5-7-9, 3480-1-3-4 etc:


In above Ahadees, staying under one roof without "coming close" was to fulfill a legal requirement of Iddah..... Now in my personal worthless generalization, if forced, same can be done to fulfil any other legal requirement, like that of country's law... But keep it to as short as possible...!!!

Again I am not passing any shariah law here... Just giving example of staying under one roof after divorce, under Prophet's command...

================================================


Sahih Bukhari
7:63:244.Narated By Qasim : Ursa said to 'Aisha, "Do you know so-and-so, the daughter of Al-Hakam? Her husband divorced her irrevocably and she left (her husband's house)." 'Aisha said, "What a bad thing she has done!" 'Ursa said (to 'Aisha), "Haven't you heard the statement of Fatima?" 'Aisha replied, "It is not in her favour to mention." 'Ursa added, 'Aisha reproached (Fatima) severely and said, "Fatima was in a lonely place, and she was proned to danger, so the Prophet allowed her (to go out of her husband's house)."


7:63:248.Narated By Al-Hasan : The sister of Ma'qil bin Yasar was married to a man and then that man divorced her and remained away from her till her period of the 'Iddah expired. Then he demanded for her hand in marriage, but Ma'qil got angry out of pride and haughtiness and said, "He kept away from her when he could still retain her, and now he demands her hand again?" So Ma'qil disagreed to remarry her to him. Then Allah revealed: 'When you have divorced women and they have fulfilled the term of their prescribed period, do not prevent them from marrying their (former) husbands.' (2.232) So the Prophet sent for Ma'qil and recited to him (Allah's order) and consequently Ma'qil gave up his pride and haughtiness and yielded to Allah's order.

9:89:274.Narated By 'Abdullah bin 'Umar : That he had divorced his wife during her menses. 'Umar mentioned that to the Prophet. Allah's Apostle became angry and said, "He must take her back (his wife) and keep her with him till she becomes clean from her menses and then to wait till she gets her next period and becomes clean again from it and only then, if he wants to divorce her, he may do so."





==============================
Sahih Muslim
9:3473.
Chapter : It is forbidden to divorce the woman during her menses.

Ibn 'Umar (Allah be pleased with them) reported that he divorced his wife while she was menstruating during the lifetime of Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him). 'Umar b. Khattib (Allah be pleased with him) asked Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) about it, whereupon Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) said: Command him ('Abdullah b. 'Umar) to take her back (and keep her) and pronounce divorce when she is purified and she again enters the period of menstruation and she is again purified (after passing the period of menses), and then if he so desires he may keep her and if he desires divorce her (finally) before touching her (without having an intercourse with her), for that is the period of waiting ('idda) which God, the Exalted and Glorious, has commanded for the divorce of women.


9:3474
Abdullah (b. 'Umar) reported that he divorced a wife of his with the pronouncement of one divorce during the period of menstruation. Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) commanded him to take her back and keep her until she was purified, and then she entered the period of menses in his (house) for the second time. And he should wait until she was purified of her menses. And then if he would decide to divorce her, he should do so when she was purified before having a sexual intercourse with her; for that was the 'Idda which Allah had commanded for the divorce of women. Ibn Rumh in his narration made this addition: When 'Abdullah was asked about it, he said to one of them: If you have divorced your wife with one pronouncement or two (then you can take her back), for Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) commanded me to do it; but if you have divorced her with three pronouncements, then she is forbidden for you until she married another husband, and you disobeyed Allah in regard to the divorce of your wife what He had commanded you. (Muslim said: The word "one divorce" used by laith is good.)


9:3475
Ibn Umar (Allah be pleased with them) reported: I divorced my wife during the lifetime of Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) when she was in the state of menses. 'Umar (Allah be pleased with him) made a mention of it to Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him), whereupon he said: Command him to take her back and leave her (in that state) until she is purified. Then (let her) enter the period of second menses, and when she is purified, then divorce her (finally) before having a sexual intercourse with her, or retain her (finally). That is the 'Idda (the prescribed period) which Allah commanded (to be kept in view) while divorcing the women. 'Ubaidullah reported: I said to Nafi': What became of that divorce (pronounced within 'Idda)? He said: It was as one which she counted.


9:3477
Ibn 'Umar (Allah be pleased with them) reported that he divorced his wife during the period of menses. 'Umar (Allah be pleased with him) asked Allah's Apostle (may peace be upon him), and he commanded him ('Abdullah b. 'Umar) to have her back and then allow her respite until she enters the period of the second menses, and then allow her respite until she is purified, then divorce her (finally) before touching her (having a sexual intercourse with her), for that is the prescribed period which Allah commanded (to be kept in view) for divorcing the women. When Ibn 'Umar (Allah be pleased with them) was asked about the person who divorces his wife in the state of menses, he said: If you pronounced one divorce or two, Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) had commanded him to take her back, and then allow her respite until she enters the period of the second menses, and then allow her respite until she is purified, and then divorce her (finally) before touching her (having a sexual intercourse with her); and if you have pronounced (three divorces at one and the same time) you have in fact disobeyed your Lord with regard to what He commanded you about divorcing your wife. But she is however (finally separated from you).


9:3478
Abdullah b. 'Umar (Allah be pleased with them) reported: I divorced my wife while she was in the state of menses. 'Umar (Allah be pleased with him) made mention of it to Allah's Apostle (may peace be upon him) and he was enraged and he said: Command him to take her back until she enters the second ensuing menses other than the one in which he divorced her and in case he deems proper to divorce her, he should pronounce divorce (finally) before touching her (in the period) when she is purified of her menses, and that is the prescribed period in regard to divorce as Allah has commanded. 'Abdullah made a pronouncement of one divorce and it was counted in case of divorce. 'Abdullah took her back as Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) had commanded him. A hadith like this was reported on the authority of Zuhri with the same chain of narrators. Ibn Umar (Allah be pleased with them), however, said: I took her back, and counted this pronouncement of divorce (as valid) with which I divorced her.


9:3479
Ibn 'Umar (Allah be pleased with them) reported that he divorced his wife while she was in the state of menses. 'Umar (Allah be pleased with him) made mention of it to Allah's Apostle (may peace be upon him) and he said: Command him to take her back, then divorce her when she is pure or she is pregnant.


9:3480
Ibn 'Umar (Allah be pleased with them) reported that he divorced his wife while she was in her menses. 'Umar (Allah be pleased with him) asked Allah's Apostle (may peace be upon him) about that, and he said: Command him to take her back until she is pure and then she enters the second menses and then becomes pure. Then either divorce her (finally) or retain her.


9:3481
Ibn Sirin reported: One who was blameless (as a narrator) narrated to me for twenty years that Ibn 'Umar (Allah be pleased with him) pronounced three divorces to his wife while she was in the state of menses. He was commanded to take her back. I neither blamed them (the narrators) nor recognised the hadith (to be perfectly genuine) until I met Abu Ghallab Yunus b. Jubair al-Bahili and he was very authentic, and he narrated to me that he had asked Ibn 'Umar (Allah be pleased with there) and he narrated it to him that he made one pronouncement of divorce to his wife as she was in the state of menses, but he was commanded to take her back. I said: Was it counted (as one pronouncement)?He said: Why not, was I helpless or foolish?


9:3483
Ayyub reported a hadith like this with the same chain of narrators and he said: Umar (Allah be pleased with him) asked Allah's Apostle (may peace be upon him) about it and he commanded him that he should take her back until she is divorced in the state of purity without having a sexual intercourse with her, and said: Divorce her in the beginning of her 'Idda or her 'Idda commences.


9:3484
Yunus b. Jubair reported: I said to Ibn 'Umar (Allah be pleased with them): A person divorced his wife while she was in the state of menses, whereupon he said: Do you know 'Abdullah b. Umar (Allah be pleased with them), for he divorced his wife in the state of menses. 'Umar (Allah be pleased with him) came to Allah's Apostle (may peace be upon him) and asked him, and he (the Holy Prophet) commanded him that he should take her back, and she started her 'Idda. I said to him: When a person divorces his wife, and she is in the state of menses, should that pronouncement of divorce be counted? He said: Why not, was he hopeless or foolish?
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markislam
03-02-2010, 12:55 PM
even though we live in the same house we live separate lives yes. I want to support her through college as it is stressfull to her and i dont want to give more stress with legal divorce right now it is only few more months. and also thinking of my daughter iam doing this.

i got the mosque and pray in my room now a days
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YusufNoor
03-02-2010, 01:11 PM
Originally Posted by markislam
even though we live in the same house we live separate lives yes. I want to support her through college as it is stressfull to her and i dont want to give more stress with legal divorce right now it is only few more months. and also thinking of my daughter iam doing this.

i got the mosque and pray in my room now a days
As Salaamu Alaykum Mark,


have you found work yet? may Allah help you you and strengthen you.

regarding divorce and your wife going to school, i would recommend that you cease paying for her school immediately and have her get a job. depending on the state [you're in the US, correct?], that you reside in, you could get totally screwed in a divorce. wife takes everything you pay child support AND alimony! you'll never get out of that whole, which is unfair to your future wife and your future family. you must think of them now. they have rights on you even though they don't exist as of yet.

she's is acting like the "boss" of the family, while you maintain it. you simply announce that she follows your wishes w'o any BS, OR she gets a job and you 2 can negotiate everything. you are putting WAY TOO much pressure on yourself.

you MUST seek the help of a scholar or Imam regarding your situation. you are taking everything to hap hazardly which can ruin your future. and then seek an attorney. i don't think the "talak" you issued your wife means anything. if it did, you would have to separate at the end of her iddah as she is no longer halal for you.

GET HELP FROM ULEMAH, NOT US!

wa Salaam,

Yusuf
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UmmSqueakster
03-02-2010, 03:44 PM
I can imagine that she's pretty darn upset at islam, because perhaps she sees it as the cause for your divorce. Wham, one day you convert, without telling her before hand, want all these changes to be made, and then divorce her islamically, something she doesn't even recognize.

When she sees you praying, it reminds her of everything bad that is happening to her.

So either figure out how to explain islam to her in the best way possible, or just stay out of her way.
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zakirs
03-02-2010, 04:17 PM
:sl: bro,

Hope you are doing good.I believe what you are doing is very kind by letting her stay till she completes her degree.She is reacting in such a way because she is hurt right now.Don't be ashamed to pray in your house and don't be rude to her either.I know this is sounding paradoxical but somehow bro i believe that you can manage :).May Allah help you during difficult times.Ameen.

I was talking to my grandma and she said husbands can give shelter and help to divorced wifes for some time till some time.Quran has some verses too;

For divorced women Maintenance (should be provided) on a reasonable (scale). This is a duty on the righteous. (Al-Baqara: 241)
O Prophet! When ye do divorce women, divorce them at their prescribed periods, and count (accurately), their prescribed periods: And fear Allah your Lord: and turn them not out of their houses, nor shall they (themselves) leave, except in case they are guilty of some open lewdness, those are limits set by Allah: and any who transgresses the limits of Allah, does verily wrong his (own) soul: thou knowest not if perchance Allah will bring about thereafter some new situation.
Zakir
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