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st1986
03-05-2010, 10:49 PM
salaam everyone. i am in a very serious position so please help me.

i am currently receiving proposals and i am happy to be getting married.
however i am very worried because my sister mashallah is very very beautiful, much more beautiful than me. since her recent marriage it seems she has become even more beautiful subahanallah. altho i am thankful with what Allah swt has given me alhamdulilah and i have accepted my lesser beauty i am really scared about getting married to a guy that might be more attracted to her. i am scared that a groom might initially see my photo and be happy to meet me but he might become attracted to my sister when he is faced with the both of us. when i say she is more beautiful; what i mean is that she has beautiful features, she is fairer, taller and slimmer. i myself am dark skinned. i have quite a large nose and i am slightly overweight although i am working on that. like i said, i am thankful to Allah swt as i feel i could be worse off.

i have always dreamt of having a hapy marriage inshallah and want to devote my life to making my husband and in-laws happy and proud of me. and of course i want for my sister and my husband to get along but i see myself being jealous and i would want them to stay apart in case he becomes more attracted to her. i dont know what to do because i feel it will ruin my marriage. is there a dua that i can recite to overcome this fear? how can i rid myself of this horrible feeling? i dont want to start resenting my sister. just to be clear i dont feel that i am jealous of my sister's beauty...more that i am aware of the reprecussions of her beauty on my future marriage (inshallah).

jzk for any support and advice. Please reply if u are able to understand the hideousness of this feeling.

w/salaam
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Rafeeq
03-06-2010, 05:11 AM
Dear Sis, st1986,

I am sorry but I feel you are a bit more worried than you need to.

If only very very beautiful girls were getting their soul mates, the world would be full of un-married less so-called beautiful girls.

Let me tell you, beauty is not some thing appears on your face and body but it is inner thing, your heart, feelings, emotions, respect and care for other etc. Also, beauty is in the eye of the person who sees it. Do not think too much on it, you will do find your better-half and will enjoy a very pleasent life.

May Allah be with you.
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Ummu Sufyaan
03-06-2010, 05:20 AM
:sl:
if your husband finds any other woman attractive other then you-and even more so, your sis, he deserves a whack :embarrass

avoid intermingling and inshallah this worry should be dissolved. both your sister and husband should uphold the proper etiquette of intermingling, i.e wearing the hijab and lowering the gaze, respectfully.

of course, you should also be rational about this =) if proper etiquette is observed, you should trust your sister and husband and dont let your jealously evolve into something baseless and irrational, eg suspicion and unfounded jealously otherwise you will ruin your marriage with your own hands =)

another thing to take into consideration is that you haven't really developed a strong relationship with your husband...you dont really know him yet and so base your feelings on face value (in this case being knowing that men are attracted to beauty) so in other words, once you get to know each other, you probably will develop a trust and soon realize that these feelings are a little...:nervous: :P
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Maryan0
03-06-2010, 05:24 AM
I know this saying has been worn out but beauty is really in the eyes of the beholder. If a potential spouse wants to be with your sister which you mentioned is married is that really the kind of spouse you want to spend your life with. Being attractive and being beautiful are two different things and inshallah you will find a spouse that finds you both beautiful and attractive.
*There really is nothing wrong with being darkskinned or having a slightly bigger nose Allah has created us with different colours and features and no group is better than any other based on what society or history has lead us to believe is more beautiful.
Salam
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revert2007
03-16-2010, 01:37 AM
it depends on what Allah has planned for u.but never let thsi thought to ruin urlife.as u said ur sis is already married.

and why dont u ask ur sis to wear niqab?if there is fitnah she must wear niqab.her beauty is belong to her husband alone.talk about this to her.
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Re.TiReD
03-16-2010, 01:18 PM
If you are receiving proposals it is because the person wants to marry you for who you are, not because of what you're not.

And what you think you're not, might not be important to others.

And beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

And dark skin is just as beautiful as fair skin.
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Muslim Woman
03-16-2010, 01:31 PM
:wa:

Originally Posted by st1986
...scared about getting married to a guy that might be more attracted to her.

before marraige , offer Istekhara salat. Marry a religious person who will lower his gaze . If he is not a God fearing person , u don't need to have a beautiful sis at home . There are many attractive girls in the world .


Try to overcome ur fear and inferiority complex and keep praying to Allah to bless u with pious life partner . InshaAllah u will be have a happy married life :)
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- Qatada -
03-16-2010, 01:58 PM
:salamext:


If you're going to get married first, then don't let the proposers see your sister. Once you get married, don't let your husband have any connection with your sister. So if your husband is with you, your sister isn't in the same room.


And if people were going to propose to your sister, then they can do that. But let it be a separate time to when you get proposed to. This will reduce the rivalry/competition between you two sisters, and make you feel less jealous of each other. Instead, you'll support each other this way.
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