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AnonymousPoster
03-13-2010, 08:48 PM
Sick of life and at a point where I'm on the verge of total collapse. I don't like my parents, they're so backwards and do not even know how to talk respectfully. Compared to other families I've seen, everything's just a total shambles, there's no law and order, nothing there and everyone's like a stranger living under one roof.

I cant take it no more, I try my best not to raise my voice or say anything harsh, its hard because its all bottled up but at the same time i don't want to upset anyone

I always think what could have been if i had even a bit of support, maybe i wouldn't be in the hole I'm in now.

I'm lost and at the end of my tether. Advice would be appreciated
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Alpha Dude
03-14-2010, 01:34 PM
:sl: May Allah make things easy for you, ameen.
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Ishaaq
03-14-2010, 01:46 PM
Originally Posted by AnonymousGender
Sick of life and at a point where I'm on the verge of total collapse. I don't like my parents, they're so backwards and do not even know how to talk respectfully. Compared to other families I've seen, everything's just a total shambles, there's no law and order, nothing there and everyone's like a stranger living under one roof.

I cant take it no more, I try my best not to raise my voice or say anything harsh, its hard because its all bottled up but at the same time i don't want to upset anyone

I always think what could have been if i had even a bit of support, maybe i wouldn't be in the hole I'm in now.

I'm lost and at the end of my tether. Advice would be appreciated
:sl:

My advice to you, as your Muslim brother, is to talk openly about your feelings and your problems, such as your issues with your parents, with a trusted Muslim brother or elder from your community. If you really want advice online, and I am willing to help you out best I can, you may have to disclose a lot of information about your problem with your parents, including more details, however, if you are uncomfortable doing that online, than like I mentioned, you should be getting advice from a trusted Muslim brother or elder in your own community or locality.
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CosmicPathos
03-14-2010, 06:49 PM
what is the reason though for such situation?
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SMA89
03-14-2010, 06:56 PM
I am guessing you are in your teenage years. We all have been in the same situation. When we have too much rules and strict orders, we just want to rebel against them. When we have no support or care from parents, we blame them for not taking care of us lol. Dont feel alone, every family regardless of how happy they look have family problems but I can assure you everything will get better. During the teenage years, teenagers go through puberty and have a transition because of their hormonal changes. You should be fine soon but dont blame your parents, just take the initiative to make your life better and make things work for you.

Just curious as to what is making things tough? can you be more descriptive as to what the problem is?
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desert winds
03-14-2010, 07:10 PM
Originally Posted by AnonymousGender
Sick of life and at a point where I'm on the verge of total collapse. I don't like my parents, they're so backwards and do not even know how to talk respectfully. Compared to other families I've seen, everything's just a total shambles, there's no law and order, nothing there and everyone's like a stranger living under one roof.

I cant take it no more, I try my best not to raise my voice or say anything harsh, its hard because its all bottled up but at the same time i don't want to upset anyone

I always think what could have been if i had even a bit of support, maybe i wouldn't be in the hole I'm in now.

I'm lost and at the end of my tether. Advice would be appreciated
i dont like my parents too- its lke evrything they say is like poison to my ears- their hypocritical ways always frustrate me and they have made mistakes with our lives which they have not learned from. they are controlling and making everyone miserable- im confused when it comes to them- what do they want- they contradict themselves.
to be honest and fair we cant get rid of them-
you can try not speaking to them- it will make your life easier but Allahswt will not be happy
im sorry you feel like your in the deep end- i normally stay out of home for as long as possible but they are like leeches- i dont know how old you are but perhaps its possibel for you to move out before you rais your fists to them- frustration and anger can make you do these things. perhaps stay at your local mosque more- the other thing i do is stick my headphones in my ear and listen to music so i cant hear them if they talk to me-...
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Hamza Asadullah
03-19-2010, 07:11 AM
Originally Posted by AnonymousGender
Sick of life and at a point where I'm on the verge of total collapse. I don't like my parents, they're so backwards and do not even know how to talk respectfully. Compared to other families I've seen, everything's just a total shambles, there's no law and order, nothing there and everyone's like a stranger living under one roof.

I cant take it no more, I try my best not to raise my voice or say anything harsh, its hard because its all bottled up but at the same time i don't want to upset anyone

I always think what could have been if i had even a bit of support, maybe i wouldn't be in the hole I'm in now.

I'm lost and at the end of my tether. Advice would be appreciated
:sl: no matter what our parents do to us whether they oppress us or wrong us we cannot ever treat them badly or even say "uff" to them in return that is what a high position our parents have been given by Allah.

You say that your parents are worse compared to other parents but let me tell you a fact that what you see with your eyes is not neccessarily the case. You do not know what these families are truly going through. No one is ever going to divulge the full truth to you about what is going on in their families. There are countless families who are in a much worser situation than you could ever dream of so do not let shaythan fool you into thinking that what you arre going through is the worst situation because you are very clearly being decieved.

Shaythan is trying to create anger, enmity and hatred in your heart for your parents because he knows that as your anger and hatred for them grows so does the fact that you are going towards total destruction. Why let shaythan do this to you? Don't think of the flaws of your parents. Are you perfect? Just because they come from a different background and have different thinking to you it does not mean that you know any better than them for you are decieving yourself by thinking in this way.

They want the best for you no matter what you claim. If they make mistakes or do things that you don't disagree with then you must NEVER have anger, enmity or hatred towards them because you should look at your own flaws and also realise that because they come from a different upbringing, background and totally different era that they will have diffeent thinking and perception to you. This is not a bad thing at all. You must get that anger, enmity and hatred out of your heart immediatley lest you gain the wrath and anger of Allah.

Look at others out there who have nothing and don't compare yourself to people who you think are happy and have good family lives because what you see is not always what is actually what is going on behind closed doors. Be thankful to Allah and the day when your parents go you will regret the times you did not treat them well and you will regret the amount of good deeds you lost out on from not being at their service. We only have our parents once, so instead of concentrating on their flaws, look at your own and concentrate on their good points.

If they do something you disagree with then think that it is just because they are your parents and that they want the best for you even if you don't agree with them but their intentions are good and they MUST be treated with the utmost respect and honour, even IF they oppress you.

One should be very cautious about causing someone to break ties with their family, since Allah punishes for this sin in this life and the next. The Prophet Muhammad has said:

"There is no sin more deserving of having punishment meted out by Allah to its perpetrator in advance in this world along with what He stores up for him in the next world than oppression and severing ties of family." (At-Tirmidhi)

The Prophet is reported to have said:

"Indeed, gentleness adds more beauty to the atmosphere it reposes therein." (Muslim)

Hazrat ibn Abbas narrates from the Prophet that a person whose parents are alive and he obeys them, listens to and respects them, then Allah will open two doors of paradise for him. But if one of his parents is not happy with him, then Allah will not be happy with him either. Then someone asked the Prophet , “Even if they are oppressors?” The Prophet replied, “Yes, even if they are oppressors.”


It is said, a person who disobeys his parents, or disrespects them and does not listen to them, Allah will open two doors of hell for him. And if he disrespects only one of them, then Allah will only open one door of hell for him.

Above all, this requires patience and self-restraint. Learn about the tremendousness of being good to one's parents, and keep this in mind.


When troubled, tried, or tested, turn to Allah in earnest, heart-felt supplication (dua), for He has told us to, "Call upon Me: I will answer you."


The fire of anger is put out by the water of love: respond to her harshness with love, and soon you will find things changing.

Allah told the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) in the Qur'an,


003.159 It was by the mercy of Allah that You were lenient with them, for if You had been stern and fierce of heart they would have dispersed from round about thee. So pardon them and ask forgiveness for them and consult with them upon the conduct of affairs. And when You art resolved, then put your trust in Allah. Lo! Allah loves those who put their trust (in Him).


003.160 If Allah is your helper none can overcome you, and if He withdraw His help from you, who is there who can help you after Him? In Allah let believers put their trust.

Allah, the exalted, ordered us to treat them kindly even when they try to make us associate partners to Allah.

When being kind to one’s parents, we do not expect a reward from them, but we expect a reward from Allah.

If the parents are not kind and do not appreciate the kindness of their children, then one has to be patient, bearing the difficulties and be steadfast in doing good to them, and the outcome will be good, Insha Allah.

And Allah alone gives success.
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AnonymousPoster
03-19-2010, 09:53 PM
Thank you all for the replies :)
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waqas maqsood
03-21-2010, 02:16 AM
Originally Posted by AnonymousGender
Sick of life and at a point where I'm on the verge of total collapse. I don't like my parents, they're so backwards and do not even know how to talk respectfully. Compared to other families I've seen, everything's just a total shambles, there's no law and order, nothing there and everyone's like a stranger living under one roof.

I cant take it no more, I try my best not to raise my voice or say anything harsh, its hard because its all bottled up but at the same time i don't want to upset anyone

I always think what could have been if i had even a bit of support, maybe i wouldn't be in the hole I'm in now.

I'm lost and at the end of my tether. Advice would be appreciated
Salam Aliakum to you and all...

oouuhhhh... I understand where you coming from because I face such situation with my family too...

And the worst part is that you cannot even talk to your family abt this as they act so backwards and narrow-minded.... as if one lives under a dictators house..
They always thinks they are right..

The Best Option is to have patience and making sure you are practising Islam and no-one can stop that for you. Help your family when needed.

I, 90% have disagreement with my parents and they start quarelling, to the extend that they raise their voices and makes you feel small.. Be it with social issues, religion issues, personal issues or financial issues. They act like 'know-it-all'... You cannot do anything but to avoid and move on..

I admit, I still have moments I lose my patience too, but Alhamdullilaah, I have start controlling it and avoid such scenarios. I normally leave the room as soon as I anticipate an argument is about to kick- off, have a cooling period and things are back to normal.

May Allah help and guide you, as well as all the Ummah, to the right Path.. Ameen!

Wa'Alikum Salam
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