Allah says in surah Al Furqaan
Except those who repent and believe (in Islâmic Monotheism), and do righteous deeds, for those, Allâh will change their sins into good deeds, and Allâh is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful
Sister i suggest u read this great work by a classical scholar
Ibn Rajab Al hanbali
THREE WAYS TO FORGIVENESS
please do read it
The three ways are 1- Hopeful supplication 2- Asking Allah for forgiveness 3- tawheed
http://www.authentictranslations.com...=at_irah_1.pdf
thats a direct link u could also find it on the e book on the main page of
www.authentictranslations.com its free for download and reading.
Also this is nice
A Sin That Leads to Jannah
Ibn al-Qayyim (rahimahullah) said:
“Sin may be more beneficial for a person, if it leads him to repent, than doing a lot of acts of worship. This is what is meant by the words of one of the salaf:
‘A person may commit a sin and enter Paradise because of it, or he may do an act of worship and enter Hell because of it.’
They said: ‘How is that?’
He said: ‘He may commit a sin and continues to think about it, and when he stands or sits or walks he remembers his sin, so he feels ashamed and repents and seeks forgiveness and regrets it, so that will be the means of his salvation.
And he may do a good deed and continue to think about it, and when he stands or sits or walks he remembers it and it fills him with self-admiration and pride, so it is the cause of his doom.
So the sin may be the factor that leads him to do acts of worship and good deeds and to change his attitude so that he fears Allah and feels shy before Him and feels humiliated before Him, hanging his head in shame and weeping with regret, seeking he forgiveness of his Lord. Each of these effects is better for a person than an act of worship that makes him feel proud and show off and look down on people. Undoubtedly this sin is better before Allah and is more likely to bring salvation than one who admires himself and looks down on others, and who thinks that he is doing Allah a favour. Even if he says words that indicate something other than that, Allah is the Witness over what is in his heart. Such a person may feel hatred towards people if they do not hold him in high esteem and humiliate themselves before him. If he were to examine himself honestly, he would see that clearly.”
Honestly asking for forgiveness and repenting is great FOR THE HEART AND FOR OUR EMAAN , so always keep asking and keep washing ur heart with the tears n making it soft.
So u have notthing t oworry about , ur past is past , if u sinned it can benefit u if u do teh right things now , if u repent n never go back Allah with all his love and mercy to u will actually change the sins into good deeds , hence making ur scale double heavy coz sins will not only disappear from the sins scale but they will be aded to the scales of good deeds , and yes it all depends on u , how firm u stay in ur repentance , and how sincere r u in asking forgiveness , this can be beginning of a beautiful , righeyous blessed life , the life Allah loves and wants for us , and InshaAllah Allah will love u , and InshahAllah u will eb among these mentioned in this beautiful hadeeth
Allah's Messenger, sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam, said:
"If Allah loves someone He calls (angel) Jibreel and says: I
love so-and-so, so you love him. Jibreel loves him, and calls
the other angels in Heaven to love that person. They love him,
then his love will be made upon earth, and he becomes loved.
"And if Allah hates someone He calls Jibreel and says: I hate
so-and-so and you hate him. Jibreel hates him and calls the
angels in Heaven and says: Allah hates so-and-so, so you all
hate him. They all hate him, and his hatred is made upon earth
and he becomes hated." - Muslim
Barak Allah feekum