format_quote Originally Posted by
orange
Hello -
I Have recently been getting closer to my deen and was just reading up on major sins which people tell me that i cannot be forgiven for -
Is desrespecting ones parents a major sin for i am guilty of this - i have raised my voice at them, argued with them and at times even used bad language when i get my temper get the best of me - i look back and keep thiking of all the times i have been disrespectful to them
I feel really guily , i love my parents to death and will do anything for them - I make dua for them everytime i ready Namaz which is 5 times a day - and ask god for forgivness -
This has been stressing me a lot lately and its all i can think of -i cant concentrate on anything else and an just depressed please cans someone give me some advice
Also can someone help me with thougths that we have - I used to delibaratly have sexual thoughts with someone made up in my head - is this wrong?? is it considered adultry??
:sl: jazakallah khayran for sharing your situation with us. My sister know that feeling deperessed about our sins and wrong doings is a part of faith and shows that we have concern over our sins. It is Allah who is wanting to give you comfort in the fact that Allah will forgive ALL sins of anyone who repents sincerely during their life before their death. This is made clear in the following verse of the Qur'an:
Say: "O my Servants who have transgressed against their souls! Despair not of the Mercy of Allah. for Allah forgives all sins: for He is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful. Turn ye to our Lord (in repentance) and bow to His (Will), before the Penalty comes on you: after that ye shall not be helped. And follow the best of (the courses) revealed to you from your Lord, before the Penalty comes on you - of a sudden while ye perceive not!"
From the above verse we understand that Allah will forgive all of our sins if we repent before the coming of a "sudden penalty", which refers to death. We all know that death is certain for us but we do not know when so therefore we should always sincerely repent to Allah and do as many good deeds as possible in order to please Allah and get as close to him as we can.
Allah's mercy, compassion and forgiveness are all encompassing and his mercy is one of his most important and significant qualities of the almighty in the Qur’an, as well as in the saying and teachings of Prophet Muhammad (Pbuh).
The Prophet also once said:
Allah, the Almighty, says: Whosoever does a good deed, will have (reward) ten times like it and I add more; and whosoever does an evil, will have the punishment like it or I will forgive (him); and whosoever approaches Me by one span, I will approach him by one cubit; and whosoever approaches Me by one cubit, I approach him by one fathom, and whosoever comes to Me walking, I go to him running; and whosoever meets Me with an earth-load of sins without associating anything with Me, I meet him with forgiveness like that.
(Sahih Muslim)
Approximately 113 chapters of the Holy Qur’an begin with: "In the name of Allah the Most-Compassionate; the Most-Merciful".
This is a constant reminder to all who read the Qur’an of the great mercy, compassion and forgiveness of almighty Allah.
Indeed, no one despairs of relief from Allah except the disbelieving people.
(Surah Yusuf 12:87)
Therefore it is a part of faith that we have hope in Allah with regards to his mercy and forgiveness as long as we have left the sin behind us and are sincere in our repentance then we should have full belief in the mercy of Allah but we should never stop asking for forgiveness because we are constantly sinning.
In regards to Showing Kindness to one's Parents
To be obedient and to show kindness to parents has been enjoined in the Holy Quran in such a manner as to say that among the noble deeds, to obey parents, treat them respectfully and to show kindness to them is next to worshipping Almighty Allah.
In the Qur'an, Allah asks Muslims to show kindness to their parents and forbids them from making even the smallest gesture or uttering even the smallest word of reproach to them.
No impatience, disrespect, or contempt may be shown to parents.
The Holy Quran says, "Your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him, and that you be kind to parents. Whether one or both of them attain old age in thy life, say not to them a word of contempt, nor repel them, but address them in terms of honor." -
Surah Al Isra (17:23).
Allah says in the Qur'an what means,
[And your Lord has commanded that you shall not serve any but Him, and goodness to your parents. If either or both of them reach old age with you, say not to them (so much as)
"ugh," nor chide them, and speak to them a generous word. And, out of kindness, lower to them the wing of humility, and say: "My Lord, bestow on them Your mercy even as they cherished me in childhood."]
(Al-Israa' 17:23-24)
The metaphorical use of the word
"wing" calls to one's mind the way in which birds tenderly and gently lower their wings for their offspring.
The reason for the necessity of showing compassion toward parents is also given in the verse that reminds Muslims that their parents, and particularly the mother, suffered and sacrificed for them when they were young, weak, and totally dependent.
Allah says in the Qur'an,
[And We have enjoined on man (to be good) to his parents: in travail upon travail did his mother bear him, and in years twain was his weaning: (hear the command), "Show gratitude to Me and to your parents: to Me is (your final) Goal.]
(Luqman 31:34)
According to Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him), the parents of a certain person are his Heaven or Hell. What this means is that if a person obeys his parents, attends to their needs and keeps them happy and comfortable, he will attain Paradise. On the other hand, if he is disrespectful and rude to them, offends them by ignoring their needs and feelings or causes them grief in any manner, his place shall be in Hell.
The stricture ordained by Islam makes it clear that shrugging off the responsibility of old parents serves as an invitation to Hell. Both the father and mother are equal when it comes to caring for them and providing them all possible physical comforts and mental peace. The time that the parents need to be looked after most, is in their old age. To serve them devotedly at that stage of their lives is the best way of pleasing Almighty Allah. It is also one of the easiest ways of attaining Paradise.
Abu Hurairah, a companion of the holy Prophet, has said that "a person is indeed disgraced, who does not earn Paradise by caring for his parents during the life time and old age of his/her parents".
A person once asked the holy Prophet, "Who has the greatest claim on me with regard to service and kind treatment?" The Holy Prophet replied, "Your mother and again your mother and once again your mother. After her is the claim of your father, then that of your near relatives, and then of the relations next to them".
(Al-Bukhari)
This shows that the claim of a mother is greater than a father over the care that you endow upon them in their old age. Serving and obeying parents is a matter of give and take. Those who treat and obey their parents can rest assured that their children will also show kindness and compassion to them. Respecting and caring the parents is a virtue of the highest order that continues to transcend generation after generation.
Asma bint Abu Bakr relates that her mother had come from Makkah to Madinah to meet her. Her mother was not a Muslim and followed pagan tribal customs and beliefs. Asma enquired from the holy Prophet how she was supposed to treat her. The holy Prophet told her to be kind and considerate and to behave towards her as was a mother's due from a daughter. Obeying one's parents and treating them with respect and affection is a great virtue and it serves as repentence for a person's sins. Similarly, to ask Almighty Allah to have mercy on them after death is an act that brings them comfort in their graves. It is the duty of sons and daughters to pray for the forgiveness of their parents after their death and treat their relatives and friends with due respect. In the Holy Quran, Muslims have been urged to pray for the salvation of their parents as shown in the following verse: "And say, My Lord, Have mercy on both of them as they cared for me when I was little".
The holy Prophet has said that to abuse one's parents is a major sin. So much so that if a person abuses someone else's parents and that person, in retaliation, abuses his parents, then it is as though he himself has abused his parents. On another occasion, when asked about the major sins, the holy Prophet replied, "To associate someone with Almighty God, to disobey parents, to kill unlawfully, and to give false evidence".
The Prophet is reported to have said:
"Indeed, gentleness adds more beauty to the atmosphere it reposes therein."
(Muslim)
Hazrat ibn Abbas narrates from the Prophet that a person whose parents are alive and he obeys them, listens to and respects them, then Allah will open two doors of paradise for him. But if one of his parents is not happy with him, then Allah will not be happy with him either. Then someone asked the Prophet , “Even if they are oppressors?”
The Prophet replied, “Yes, even if they are oppressors.”
It is said, a person who disobeys his parents, or disrespects them and does not listen to them, Allah will open two doors of hell for him. And if he disrespects only one of them, then Allah will only open one door of hell for him.
Above all, this requires patience and self-restraint. Learn about the tremendousness of being good to one's parents, and keep this in mind.
Zayn al-'Abidîn (d. 713CE) was the great grandson of the Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) and also a renowned scholar. He used to treat his mother with so much kindness and love as seen in the following narration:
Once he was asked, 'You are the most kind person to his mother, yet we have never seen you eating with her from a single dish.'
He replied, 'I fear that my hand would take the what her eyes have already seen in the dish, and then I would be disobeying her'.
[At-Tartushi, Birr al-Wâlidayn]
In other words, he was so careful not to disobey his mother that he would even avoid eating out of the same plate as her; He thought that she would see a morsel and intend to take it, but before she did he might unknowingly take that same morsel and eat it. This is how careful he was to obey his mother in the most minute details.
Another early Islamic scholar, Sa'îd Ibn Al-Musayyib (d. 709CE), was asked about the meaning of the verse "but address them in terms of honor" (17:23). Sa'îd Ibn Al-Musayyib replied:
It means that you should address them as a servant addresses his master.
Muhammad Ibn Sirîn (d. 729CE) used to speak to his mother in a very soft voice, out of respect for her. He was also often seen in the company of his mother and looking after her.
(Ibn al-Jawzî, Birr al-Wâlidayn)
Therefore my sister from now on you must be the best towards your parents and treat them aswell as you would like your children to treat you. You must also be patient with them and NEVER even say "uff" to them.
You should ask both of your parents and your family for forgiveness for any offence, pain or hurt that you have ever caused them and then repent to Allah and surely if your repentance is sincere then Allah will forgive you and your heart will be at peace inshallah.
We should also remember that we have not got our parents forever and the little that that we have with them we should be treating them the best otherwise we will regret it FOREVER! Also treating our parents the best and helping them as much as we can are among the best of good deeds! So let us grab these huge rewards and treat our parents better than we have EVER treated them!
In regards to the sexual thoughts that you have then these sexual fantasies are among the thoughts that may cross a person’s mind because it is something that is stored in the subconscious which may have come about from the environment in which one lives or from what they view on TV aswell as influence from Music and not keeping ones gaze low. It can also come about by be-friending the opposite sex and having relations with them or at least experience of haraam relationships.
As long as you do not act upon or talk to anyone about these thoughts then everything will be fine inshallah.
Abu Hurayrah (RA) states that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Allah has forgiven my ummah for whatever crosses their mind so long as they do not speak of it or act upon it.”
(Bukhari, Muslim)
However one should take measures to eradicate these thoughts and this can be done by keeping ones gaze low at all times aswell as not watching innappropriate programmes on television or innappropriate material on the internet. One should also never be-friend or be in contact with non mahram men unless absolutley necessary.
Most of all this is an indication that you are ready for marriage and it is fard on the person who cannot control their thoughts anymore to marry as soon as they can. Marry a good, Allah fearing and pious man for this will be beneficial for you in this life and the next and you would have completed half of your imaan. Do things the right way and Allah will help you to marry the right partner.
So my sister do not despair for the wrongs which you have committed in the past or present as long as you leave the sin and repent sincerely with the intention NEVER to commit it again then Allah will forgive surely forgive you.
It is also a part of faith that you have hope in his mercy but at the same time fear of his punishment therefore strike a balance between the two but know that:
In a Hadith Qudsi Allah states: "My mercy prevails over My wrath."
So my sister strive to do as many good deeds as you can everyday and make the best use of every second of your life in order to please Allah and do your utmost to earn his pleasure and to be as close to him as possible and you will find peace, tranquility, contentment and happiness even through trials and tests.
and Allah knows best in all matters
Here are some very beneficial articles for you to help you in doing good deeds and getting closer to Allah:
10 Steps to Increasing our Iman(Faith)
http://www.islamicboard.com/manners-...man-faith.html
30 ways the youth should spend everyday of their lives!
http://www.islamicboard.com/manners-...eir-lives.html
Easy Dhikr which is light on the tongue but heavy on the scales!
http://www.islamicboard.com/manners-...vy-scales.html
My Daily Ibadah (worship) check!
http://www.islamicboard.com/manners-...hip-check.html
10 steps to getting closer to Allah
http://www.islamicboard.com/manners-...ser-allah.html
Forty Very Easy, Quick & Rewarding Good Deeds for all of us to do Everyday!
http://www.islamicboard.com/worship-...-everyday.html
VERY Rewarding Nafl Salaahs we can Pray Everyday!
http://www.islamicboard.com/worship-...-everyday.html
Please listen these very beneficial talks:
Angel of Death!!! - Sheikh Ahmed Ali
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tUzRJXlB2uA
Imam Anwar al-Awlaki - Death (The Destroyer of Pleasures) [part 1/4]
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ieX7ZQtHl0s
Imam Anwar al-Awlaki - Death (The Destroyer of Pleasures) [part 2/4]
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KK_2sVGMW08
Imam Anwar al-Awlaki - Death (The Destroyer of Pleasures) [part 3/4]
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bpmzA2hk1Bo
Imam Anwar al-Awlaki - Death (The Destroyer of Pleasures) [part 4/4]
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=km39GfL62TQ
Imam Anwar al-Awlaki - The Journey of the Soul
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wAwHEXE3-n0
HARD HITTING Lecture on HELLFIRE & the Day of JUDGEMENT! يوم القيامة والجحيم
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0O6L_fBk7VM
Sheikh Ahmad Ali - Hellfire Talk Part 1/3
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DWTehIeCOUU
Sheikh Ahmad Ali - Hellfire Talk Part 2/3
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yXTtk7rWx_U
Sheikh Ahmad Ali - Hellfire Talk Part 3/3
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wmiD86w9fBc
Islam - Punishment of the Grave by Sheikh Riyadh ul Haq
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UWb-hYIm2WE
Death and the Grave by Murtaza Khan
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7r2nzJVecqo
How can we not appreciate what we have after watching this?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AkEBUC0APMg