Feeling low and very lonely

[AnonymousPoster]

im feeling as if im stuck between two brick walls... im really unhappy in my marriage and feel i cannot fulfil my wife duties as as muslim and therefore i think in order for me to stop committing major sin its best i seperate...
however my parents are against this and i would be causing them great unhappiness and sadnes..
i dont want seperate for the sake of it, lots has happened and i dont think we can make it work, its been too long and too much and i think its best for both of us as we are clearly not right for each other...
havin to choose my happiness or my parents im constantly feel low and upset, i just have to look at my parents and i start crying..
i dont like being with anyone, just sit in my room or watch tv alone, cant even eat together..
i dont no wat to do, why cant they understand my happiness. why cant my happiness be their happiness..

['Abd-al Latif]

:salamext:

It's best you ask a knowledgeable person about this and I advise you not to take opinions, and especially personal views, from a forum. If you fear committing a major sin in your marriage then this is a very serious matter which you should resolve soon.

On a side note however I would like you to read this article which I believe will help you and give you strength, whatever you decide to do.

A helping hand from the Most Merciful

Stress is inevitable in our lives. In the modern world, we face daily mental and emotional challenges that tend to leave us caught and struggling between our needs and ambitions on one side and the actual circumstances and reality on the other. Whether these are big challenges like divorce, job loss or the death of a beloved one, or just everyday minor hassles like lack of time, traffic jams and juggling responsibilities, all these are stress-inducing factors that we experience on a daily basis, and they put the body in a continuous state of anxiety. This feeling depletes your energy, tenses your muscles, disrupts your blood circulation and most of all, it damages your immunity. Researches found that people who are faced with stressful circumstances on an everyday basis are more prone to microbial attacks and various immuno-compromised conditions than they would be if they were living under reduced tension. [6]

The way people cope with these events is a major factor in in whether or not their health is effected. Take for example divorce. Most people would say that divorce is one of the most devastation life crisis; it effects the whole family, and generates a highly stressful environment. Yet look at the Soorah (Chapter) in the Qur’an named Talaq or ‘Divorce’. Reading these verses makes you feel as if a kind, merciful hand is caressing you and giving you hope for the future. The verses are filled with positive attitude – assurances from Allah that things will get better, that there is a foreseeable end to the current misery.

فَإِذَا بَلَغْنَ أَجَلَهُنَّ فَأَمْسِكُوهُنَّ بِمَعْرُوفٍ أَوْ فَارِقُوهُنَّ بِمَعْرُوفٍ وَأَشْهِدُوا ذَوَيْ عَدْلٍ مِّنكُمْ وَأَقِيمُوا الشَّهَادَةَ لِلَّهِ ۚ ذَ*ٰلِكُمْ يُوعَظُ بِهِ مَن كَانَ يُؤْمِنُ بِاللَّهِ وَالْيَوْمِ الْآخِرِ ۚ وَمَن يَتَّقِ اللَّهَ يَجْعَل لَّهُ مَخْرَجًا
وَيَرْزُقْهُ مِنْ حَيْثُ لَا يَحْتَسِبُ ۚ وَمَن يَتَوَكَّلْ عَلَى اللَّهِ فَهُوَ حَسْبُهُ ۚ إِنَّ اللَّهَ بَالِغُ أَمْرِهِ ۚ قَدْ جَعَلَ اللَّهُ لِكُلِّ شَيْءٍ قَدْرًا

And whosoever fears Allah and keeps his duty to Him, We will make a way out for him to get out [from every difficulty], and He will provide for him from [sources] he could never imagine. And whosoever puts his trust in Allah, then Allah will suffice him. Verily, Allah will accomplish His purpose. Indeed Allah has set a measure for all things. [Qur'an 65: 2-3]

وَمَن يَتَّقِ اللَّهَ يَجْعَل لَّهُ مِنْ أَمْرِهِ يُسْرًا…

…And whosoever fears Allah and keeps his duty to Him, He will make his matter easy for him. [Qur'an 65: 4]

وَمَن يَتَّقِ اللَّهَ يُكَفِّرْ عَنْهُ سَيِّئَاتِهِ وَيُعْظِمْ لَهُ أَجْرًا

…And whosoever fears Allah and keeps his duty to Him, He will remit his sins from him, and will enlarge his reward. [Qur'an 65: 5]

لَا يُكَلِّفُ اللَّهُ نَفْسًا إِلَّا مَا آتَاهَا ۚ سَيَجْعَلُ اللَّهُ بَعْدَ عُسْرٍ يُسْرًا…

…Allah puts no burden on any person beyond what He has given him. Allah will grant after hardship, ease. [Qur'an 65: 7]

Reading this soorah – with deep belief and trust in Allah’s promises and His complete Power, Mercy and Wisdom – will reduce stress and give hope, helping a person cope with a disturbing situation, even in the most difficult circumstances.

أميرا عياض – غداء الروح والبدن

http://portraitofatraveller.wordpres...most-merciful/

[S<Chowdhury]

im feeling as if im stuck between two brick walls... im really unhappy in my marriage and feel i cannot fulfil my wife duties as as muslim and therefore i think in order for me to stop committing major sin its best i seperate...
however my parents are against this and i would be causing them great unhappiness and sadnes..
i dont want seperate for the sake of it, lots has happened and i dont think we can make it work, its been too long and too much and i think its best for both of us as we are clearly not right for each other...
havin to choose my happiness or my parents im constantly feel low and upset, i just have to look at my parents and i start crying..
i dont like being with anyone, just sit in my room or watch tv alone, cant even eat together..
i dont no wat to do, why cant they understand my happiness. why cant my happiness be their happiness..

I'd agree with the above advice, its much much better to talk with perhaps elders, other family members, Imam or a scholar when regarding something such as a marriage and divorce. Wish you all the best sister and take care

:wa:

[Insecured soul]

i cant provide a suggestion and i just pray that allah subhanawata'aala ease ur hardship and provide u with solution

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[AnonymousPoster]

there is no one in the family i can turn to 'everyone is saying give it time and chances' but its not happening
i dont no how to approach an Imam or anyone, even then it wont change the views om everyone..i wan to become a proper muslim, on the right path but i cant cos of this...

[S<Chowdhury]

there is no one in the family i can turn to 'everyone is saying give it time and chances' but its not happening
i dont no how to approach an Imam or anyone, even then it wont change the views om everyone..i wan to become a proper muslim, on the right path but i cant cos of this...

I'm sorry your family arn't supporting you perhaps if you feel that you can't approach a Imam directly if you live in the UK perhaps contact Islamic Sharia Council for some proper guidance

http://www.islamic-sharia.org/

All the best sister

[CosmicPathos]

^^ I think its a brother. He said "I cannot fulfill my wife duties." I supposed he meant wife's?

Why is not this specifically working out? Did not you get to talk to talk your spouse before marriage in the presence of a mehram? What about reading about his/her "biodata" before getting married? Please let us know what are the reasons due to which you find yourself in this situation.

[AnonymousPoster]

im the wife
we did speak before hand but becos of family i decided to go tru with it and hope it would work, things werent that bad and he seemed to be an 'OK' husband to be
when he came here he became too possesive and controlling.. recently found hes been lying to me and lying that he speaks to me cuz all the time when ive specifcally asked him is he does and he has point blank denied.
im not attracted to him and what i want, is not something he can give me.
im not sayin hes the only one in the wrong, im sayin we both are not right for each other.

[CosmicPathos]

im the wife
we did speak before hand but becos of family i decided to go tru with it and hope it would work, things werent that bad and he seemed to be an 'OK' husband to be
when he came here he became too possesive and controlling.. recently found hes been lying to me and lying that he speaks to me cuz all the time when ive specifcally asked him is he does and he has point blank denied.
im not attracted to him and what i want, is not something he can give me.
im not sayin hes the only one in the wrong, im sayin we both are not right for each other.

Does he feel that too i.e. you both are not right for each other? Its a tough situation to be in, if you were forced into this marriage then that would be a separate case. But it seems that you made a rational choice even though unfortunately it turned out to be a wrong one or so it seems. Kher inshAllah.

[Ummu Sufyaan]

:sl:
go to a reliable shiekh, inshallah =) even more preferably, (if your husband feels the same way as you), get your husband to speak to the shiekh, as for some odd reason, it may be more convincing coming from the husband then the wife.

[AnonymousPoster]

when my parents said to get married to him i initially said no on mnay occasions but had to give in cos i felt i had no option. Due to this i started to talk to him before hand, a few months or so.
I dont blame my parents as i wish it had worked out
no he doesn't see the same as me and jus carries on for days with us not speaking with each other, but i cant live like that and i dont wan be in this situationa anymore.
parents and him are worried about what ppl think and so on, i just want to be doint the right thing and move on with live. my life has been stand still for past few yrs and im feelin really suffocated, i cant go on like this...
he cant accept im very independant and i cant change that..

[CosmicPathos]

when my parents said to get married to him i initially said no on mnay occasions but had to give in cos i felt i had no option. Due to this i started to talk to him before hand, a few months or so.
I dont blame my parents as i wish it had worked out
no he doesn't see the same as me and jus carries on for days with us not speaking with each other, but i cant live like that and i dont wan be in this situationa anymore.
parents and him are worried about what ppl think and so on, i just want to be doint the right thing and move on with live. my life has been stand still for past few yrs and im feelin really suffocated, i cant go on like this...
he cant accept im very independant and i cant change that..

but can he accept that he can get some other dependent wife? he should move on too I guess, I am not sure how a man stay with a woman who does not have any respect for him and probably he does not for hers as well ...

regarding life being a standstill, I think life is meant to be suffocative, was it supposed to be bed of roses? inshAllah khayr.

[cat eyes]

when my parents said to get married to him i initially said no on mnay occasions but had to give in cos i felt i had no option. Due to this i started to talk to him before hand, a few months or so.
I dont blame my parents as i wish it had worked out
no he doesn't see the same as me and jus carries on for days with us not speaking with each other, but i cant live like that and i dont wan be in this situationa anymore.
parents and him are worried about what ppl think and so on, i just want to be doint the right thing and move on with live. my life has been stand still for past few yrs and im feelin really suffocated, i cant go on like this...
he cant accept im very independant and i cant change that..

:sl:but if you dont mind me asking why you eventually said yes to the marriage? did your parents pressure you in to it?

[Hamza Asadullah]

when my parents said to get married to him i initially said no on mnay occasions but had to give in cos i felt i had no option. Due to this i started to talk to him before hand, a few months or so.
I dont blame my parents as i wish it had worked out
no he doesn't see the same as me and jus carries on for days with us not speaking with each other, but i cant live like that and i dont wan be in this situationa anymore.
parents and him are worried about what ppl think and so on, i just want to be doint the right thing and move on with live. my life has been stand still for past few yrs and im feelin really suffocated, i cant go on like this...
he cant accept im very independant and i cant change that..

:sl: my sister jazakallah khayr for sharing this issue with us and please never lose hope in Allah as he is only a dua away. Turn to him and share your feelings with him and you will find comfort.

Marriage is about comprimise, cooperation and communication. Without these then there will be a breakdown in the marriage. You should not just give up hope and throw everything away without really trying your best to make it work because it seems to me that both of you are not given it your all to really make this work. This requires a team effort as marriage is a team effort and if one is willing to make it work but not the other then it will not work so both of you should really talk and agree and committ to at least trying your best to push aside differences and to try and make it work.

Divorce is the most hated of permissable acts and should nto be turned to unless every option has been exhausted. You should get a mediator preferably an elder among your family or community to mediate matters between you two. Do not be embarressed to get a mediator.

You should as was mentioned a few times on here get hold of a scholar who will give you a scholarly advice and perspective on your issue. If you state your county then i may be able to get hold of a contact for you. You must not give up hope as this is what shaythan wants.

You must also be willing to make comprimises and not just give in and want everything your own way and nore should he want the same. Inshallah whatever happens will happen for the best for both of you.

and Allah knows best in all matters

:wa:

[Insecured soul]

u have to think this out, in the time of sahabah the divorce rate was higher as compared to now but they woudnt let any of their sister stay single. now if a muslimah is divorced she is been outcast of the society and looked down upon. divorce is a not issue what will come after that is an issue, if u can work it out with ur husband well and good or else think about the alternatives and work accordingly

however i will always urge a women to work it out (compromise, adjust and be content) with thier husband if cant then divorce but also keep in mind there will be a lot issues for ur re-marriage

salaam

[cat eyes]

you really have to talk with your parents about this or member of your family.. if your not attracted to him that can easily change with giving your full committment and energy in to this marriage every human deserves that you know. you would want the same thing done for you im sure of that because everybody wants that. dont walk out. think about it long and hard. on the other hand there is hadith that says the prophet saw let a woman divorce because she was not attracted to her husband. but id strongly recommend you talk with a scholar. dont sweep this under the carpet. he deserves to know whats going on with u