format_quote Originally Posted by
PouringRain
I ignore it. This is along the same lines as I wrote about in another thread today about forgiving. I can forgive someone, but this doesn't mean that I allow them to walk all over me. Likewise, I can ignore someone whose intention is to harm me, but this doesn't mean that I am a doormat who allows them to abuse me. I can not control the actions of another, I can only control my response to those actions and my attitude. If someone continually seeks to harm me and do things which are hurtful to me, then there is no reason for me to continue a relationship with that person. I can pray for that person and I can forgive them, but this doesn't mean that I have to allow that person to be a part of my life. I can continue to show love to that person, but I don't have to give them the satisfaction of hurting me.
interesting...why do you show love to that person? you mean like "kindness Kills" right?
format_quote Originally Posted by
Alpha Dude
Wa alaykum salam,
I don't think it's being a doormat. I believe it's showing patience. Remember the old woman that would daily chuck rubbish at the Prophet Muhammad Sallalahu Alaihe Wasalam and he wouldn't show any annoyance?
The only people that would do the kind of thing you are talking about are the ones that are totally heedless and haven't realised the true purpose of life to begin with. So they are in need of guidance. You can make dua for them and be patient with their ignorant behaviour - although they should, they don't really know better.
That’s the thing I don’t really want to guide and show them because i feel so put off and hurt by them. i don’t care what happens to them, i just want them to leave me alone. the way i look at it if i was to advise them, is "you insult me and i reward you" which that concept to me, is strange.
i sort of agree with you that they need guiding, but the thing is as i said, they are fully aware of what they are doing and they know that it hurts-so in other words, they do it just because they can.
And besides if i do try advise them and show them that attention, they only stick their noses in the air at me. (Not to mention they get demanding-this is why i like to keep my distance-because i know it will be a never ending cycle, even if i did try to approach them). it’s a whole ego/power trip for them. That’s all there is to it for them. its for their sake and for their own attention seeking.
No need to fight back unless there is an adverse affect on you or anyone else from their bullying. I think there'd be more reward in being patient, forgiving them and making dua for their guidance.
Absolutely no need to take action purely for the sake of revenge because that would just be giving in to your ego.
But they never learn if you don’t stand up for yourself and sometimes they actually back off when you do.
In some cases, I agree, its best not to react as it only makes the situation worse but sometimes, really the person doesn't stop annoying until you do something about it.
if you cant do anything about it (in the case where you choose to stay quite fearing that it will only make the situation worse), it boils up inside of you and you feel sort of "paralyzed" because you *literally* can’t do anything about it... daymed if you do, daymed if you don’t.
You mention not giving in to your own ego? is giving into theirs anything better because sometimes that's what actually happens...you don’t say anything, and may soon find them using you and thinking they can "bully" you because you've just sat and let them treat you like that. That’s exactly what they depend and thrive on- finding satisfaction in you getting hurt...