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BlackMuslim
04-19-2010, 12:37 AM
Assalamu Alaikum brothers and sister. I can't believe that I am saying this but I have reason to believe that my mother is having intimate relations with another man in our house. I am 19, and my mother and father are separated. My uncle, who really isn't my uncle, just my uncle through tribe (I don't really consider that to be any family relation) and my my mother are really good friends. They worked together for some time. I even go to the same university with his son and we sometimes hang out. My "uncle" usually comes by our house every weekend and greets us I greet him but more recently i have had many evidences to prove my theory. He always goes up to my mothers room to watch TV and she always brings him food etc. My mother locks the door, when i knock they take like 10 mins to open the door, on one occasion i heard noises, possible moaning (istagfirallah) I couldn't believe it. When he exits the room he goes on to take a shower (possible ghusl). I have other brothers and sisters and I think I am the only one who suspects anything, to them I am assuming the though seems almost impossible. I am more than 90% sure this is going on an I do not know what to do. I don't want to accuse or anything, what is the Islamic ruling on this, if I do find out that I am 100% right I think I am going to live with my dad, this is unacceptable a betrayal to Allah and to our family. what should I do.
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CosmicPathos
04-19-2010, 09:05 AM
walaikum assalam,

this is a very serious issue. I'll let more knowledgeable people here advise you.
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Missinglinks
04-19-2010, 01:44 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by BlackMuslim
Assalamu Alaikum brothers and sister. I can't believe that I am saying this but I have reason to believe that my mother is having intimate relations with another man in our house. I am 19, and my mother and father are separated. My uncle, who really isn't my uncle, just my uncle through tribe (I don't really consider that to be any family relation) and my my mother are really good friends. They worked together for some time. I even go to the same university with his son and we sometimes hang out. My "uncle" usually comes by our house every weekend and greets us I greet him but more recently i have had many evidences to prove my theory. He always goes up to my mothers room to watch TV and she always brings him food etc. My mother locks the door, when i knock they take like 10 mins to open the door, on one occasion i heard noises, possible moaning (istagfirallah) I couldn't believe it. When he exits the room he goes on to take a shower (possible ghusl). I have other brothers and sisters and I think I am the only one who suspects anything, to them I am assuming the though seems almost impossible. I am more than 90% sure this is going on an I do not know what to do. I don't want to accuse or anything, what is the Islamic ruling on this, if I do find out that I am 100% right I think I am going to live with my dad, this is unacceptable a betrayal to Allah and to our family. what should I do.
Ask this on islam-qa, they give good advise alhamdolillah. please do it... I read the following fatwa and thought maybe you can profit from it.



If he has doubts about his wife, what should he do?
If a person has doubts about his wife, what should he do to put an end to these doubts by means of certainty and finding out the truth, and getting rid of anxiety and worry that are caused by that?.


Praise be to Allaah.
The believer should think well of others, assume the best and keep away from doubt and suspicion that have no basis, because Allah says (interpretation of the meaning): “O you who believe! Avoid much suspicion; indeed some suspicions are sins. And spy not” [al-Hujuraat 49:12].
This Qur’aanic etiquette is one of the means of peace of mind, happiness and comfort, because suspicion prompts one to search and try to find out, and it may lead to spying, and that is usually accompanied by worry, anxiety and distress.
But if there are things that call for doubt and suspicion, the husband has to try to remedy the matter and set things straight, and to block the ways that may lead to fitnah and evil. If the wife -- for example -- gets in touch with people or corresponds with them or is away from the house without any convincing reason and the like, then he may prevent her from doing that. If he is worried about her staying on her own in the house, he can bring her to live near his family or righteous neighbours.
We have previously discussed the ruling on setting up recording devices to keep an eye on family conversations. See the answer to question number 13318.
And Allah knows best.


Islam Q&A
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AhmadibnNasroon
04-19-2010, 05:18 PM
Well its not permissible for her to be in seclusion with this man since he is not a mahram to her. Furthermore if your parents aren't even divorced then this is an even greater crime. You cannot claim adultery unless you see penetration according to the sharee3ah. I suggest speaking to a scholar concerning the matter but before you do that, you need to speak to your mother and then your uncle separately to warn them of their actions.
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aadil77
04-19-2010, 05:29 PM
Bro at the moment all you can do is give them hints that you suspect something and make it clear that its haraam for them to be together
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cat eyes
04-19-2010, 05:31 PM
i think that if you heard noises brother then it is quite obvious. nobody is that much of a fool now. you cant just ignore things like that and pretend you never heard anything so it means you can and have a right to question her. that is in fact evidence. brother she is your mother. PROTECT HER. don't be allowing any non mehrams in to the house because these things will definitely happen especially if they are going to the bedroom where there is a BED everything is quite obvious here. i hope inshaAllah everything will work out. it can be quite disturbing for a child even to find out his mum is spending time alone with a man.
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aadil77
04-19-2010, 05:44 PM
Actually bro if you're hearing noises and the guy is havin a shower at your home afterwards, its a bit obvious - I'd be prepared for the worst,

This is your mum and your home after all, you can't let a non mahram man enter your home then lock himself away alone with your mum and Allahs know what they get up to. Its a matter of honour and dignity. Next time he comes round, keep a pole or somethin ready, check up on them, when you're 100% sure they're doin it, let him come out to have his shower then you knock his brains out. Don't touch your mum, she'll be embarassed as hell and feelin like crap just by you finding out. Let us know how it goes
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Abdul Wahid
04-19-2010, 06:04 PM
:sl: my brother.

I'm sorry to hear what your going through. It's pretty obvious what is going on. Brother be strong and firm. Don't let this 'uncle' in your house. He ain't even a relative yet he spends time in your mum's room, has a shower etc. Personally I would have wacked him up ages ago, not that I'm advising you to. Just don't let him into your home from now on. It's difficult for an adult to deal with such issues but your still practically a kid. I feel for you brother.

Speak to a scholar if you can. Also don't let 'uncle' back into your house. Have a few words with him and make it clear that he is not wanted. It's a major SIN they are committing. Your mother is most likely vulnerable but also to blame. Like the brother and sister mentioned Protect your mum.

:wa:
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Missinglinks
04-19-2010, 06:12 PM
salam

people! Muslims! why are you saying he is commiting zina... beware that one day you'll stand before Allah... be patient,
investigate the matter before you judge... this is an advice to me first and then to you.

Let's first be very very sure about it and then make our judgement... How often has it not happened that it was the shaytan and we were wrong in our suspicion?
How often... and how often have we pointed our finger to someone, forgetting that three others pointed towards us at the same time we pointed that finger!

It's not that I say he is innocent, nor do I say he's guilty, the only thing that I say is "be sure before speaking". What if we are cast into hell for 70 years for such a word? We all know that one word can get us ruined or blessed!

I thought of these verses

Sahih International
When you received it with your tongues and said with your mouths that of which you had no knowledge and thought it was insignificant while it was, in the sight of Allah , tremendous.
Tafsir al-Jalalayn
when you were receiving it [welcomingly] with your tongues, that is to say, [when] you were reporting it one from the other and were uttering with your mouths that whereof you had no knowledge, supposing it to be a light matter, a sinless [act], while with God it was grave, in sinfulness.
24:16 to top

Sahih International
And why, when you heard it, did you not say, "It is not for us to speak of this. Exalted are You, [O Allah ]; this is a great slander"?
Tafsir al-Jalalayn
And why, when you heard it, did you not say, ‘It is not for us to speak about this. Glory be to You! — this [exclamation] here is meant to indicate amazement — This is an awful calumny?’, [an awful] lie?

24:17 to top

Sahih International
Allah warns you against returning to the likes of this [conduct], ever, if you should be believers.
Tafsir al-Jalalayn
God admonishes you, He forbids you, lest you should ever repeat the like of it, if you are [in truth] believers, [then] you will be admonished by this.

24:18 to top

Sahih International
And Allah makes clear to you the verses, and Allah is Knowing and Wise.
Tafsir al-Jalalayn
And God clarifies for you the signs, through commands and prohibitions, and God is Knower, of what He enjoins and what He prohibits, Wise, therein.

24:19 to top

Sahih International
Indeed, those who like that immorality should be spread [or publicized] among those who have believed will have a painful punishment in this world and the Hereafter. And Allah knows and you do not know.
Tafsir al-Jalalayn
Truly those who love that indecency should be spread, by the tongue, concerning those who believe, by its being associated with them — and the ones [meant] are the band — theirs will be a painful chastisement in the life of this world, by way of the prescribed [legal] punishment for [false] accusation, and the Hereafter, by way of the Fire, as is God’s due, and God knows, that such [indecency] does not apply in their case, and you, O band [of accusers], as regards the calumny of which you spoke, do not know, whether such [indecency] took place among them.
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CosmicPathos
04-19-2010, 06:19 PM
For Hadd to be applied, penetration must be seen. What does this tell you: a non-mehram man goes to her room, locks the room, the brother hears the voices which are probably due to sexual acts, the man then takes shower. Only a deluded person cannot link these points!

This is a psychologically tough position to be in .... to have a suspicion that your mom is being deflowered by someone .... :(

May Allah give you sabr.
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cat eyes
04-19-2010, 06:23 PM
brother missing links i have NOT said in my post she is committing Zina. But because of the fact both of them are spending so much time alone together and in the bedroom that is in fact a SIN and he has every RIGHT to confront her about it.. why should he ignore it? why should he pretend he has not heard these noises or pretend he did not see this man taking a shower?. islam dose not tell us to ignore evil brother rather speak out against it especially if its our OWN mother. he has not got right to be in that house in the first place so what is there to investigate. kick his ass out of there. and i agree with brother aadi. the room should not be locked at all when theres a non mehram in there.
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anonymous
04-19-2010, 06:35 PM
Wow ;\. I feel you bro, im very sorry to hear you're going through this. May allah swt make things easier for you inshallah. First of all that "uncle" should not even be in the house. Secondly, he shouldnt even be in the room!! And from what you said, it is obvious. As others said, don't let him enter, even if your mother says so otherwise, don't. And you're mother is to blame for all of it, no offense or anything. So for now stop that man from entering the house and also talk to your mother because if he doesn't come inside the house, they might be doing it elsewhere. So she is commiting the sin . Stop her and the uncle, both of them and have a serious talk with your mother once you are 100% certain. Stoping the uncle won't stop them, you're mother should be straighten out as well. I don't mean to hurt her physically, but tell her straight out to stop this disgusting behaviour.

May Allah swt make things easier for you and resolve this asap, ameen.
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جوري
04-19-2010, 06:36 PM
:sl:

I don't want to give any advise religiously speaking but how about simply confronting the two of them?.. you say he makes 'ghusl' am I to assume he is Muslim? are you converts or born Muslims forgive my prying?
I'd just tell them that You need to be present around them because it is not allowable for a non-mahram to be sitting with my mother and see how they react to that and then take it from there...


and Allah swt knows best

:w:
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Cabdullahi
04-19-2010, 06:39 PM
Next time he enters the house and wants to go upstairs to watch telly go with him and if he asks you why you're going with him say that you've learned something new about your religion and as the man of the house any non mahram must be accompanied by you....say this and smile :)
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Abdul Wahid
04-19-2010, 06:40 PM
:sl: Misslinglinks.

In such a situation one cannot investigate further. When a man and woman spend time alone in a room, one thing leads to another. The thrid person with them is shaytaan. Brother has said that the door is locked and it takes them 10 minutes to open the door. Then he goes straight to the shower. It's not rocket science to work what has happened. Proof is important but surely you can't think they are acting in a normal manner when the brother has heard noises. What do you suggest the brother spies on them? The best thing is to act now and stop it now.

I'm sure the brother knows what is required of him. If not, he can ask again.

:wa:
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Missinglinks
04-19-2010, 07:04 PM
:wa:

you dear brothers and sisters misunderstood me... I meant that we shouldnt say they commited zina without seeing it with our eyes, even if it looks "clear"...

Narrated Abu Huraira: The Prophet said, "jesus, seeing a man stealing, asked him, 'Did you steal?, He said, 'No, by Allah, except Whom there is None who has the right to be worshipped' jesus said, 'I believe in Allah and suspect my eyes." (Sahih Bukhari, Book #55, Hadith #653)

I do agree with you all that the man shouldn't be there at all, nor should the room be closed for such a long time with only those two in it.
so the boy should take pre-action next time and act according to sharia...

I thought more of the example of a pub. But somebody says: "Yeah do close it, it is the best thing, they are all sinners who came there and they all drink!"
If we say we should close it out of prevention, does it mean we said everybody who came there is a drinker(of alcohol)?
so we see the false accusation of the man who said that...

also:
Narrated Umar bin Al-Khattab: During the lifetime of the Prophet there was a man called Abdullah whose nickname was Donkey, and he used to make Allah's Apostle laugh. The Prophet lashed him because of drinking (alcohol). And one-day he was brought to the Prophet on the same charge and was lashed. On that, a man among the people said, "O Allah, curse him ! How frequently he has been brought (to the Prophet on such a charge)!" The Prophet said, "Do not curse him, for by Allah, I know for he loves Allah and His Apostle." [Sahih al-Bukhari, Vol. 8, #771]

I hope you don't misunderstand me, I dont'accuse you guys for saying, I just gave an advise out of fear it would happen, prevention prevention and reminding!!!...
your advises are great mashaAllah, the only thing I also would like to see is the urge of him to connect scholars or judges and ask them about his situation... don't you think this would be good?
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Salahudeen
04-20-2010, 01:36 PM
:( does your mum have any brothers? what about your grandfather, you could tell him to talk to her and advise her?
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Getoffmyback
04-20-2010, 02:10 PM
Don't tell your grand father or anyone in your family even your closest friends you should never say a word. Its good that your sharing it here and only here.

Just give her the impression that you know about it and she will come to you. I know that confronting parents in such issues is really harsh but get a grip on yourself and keep inside. trust me its not a good idea to tell anyone even brothers sisters friends ....
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AhmadibnNasroon
04-20-2010, 02:33 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by squiggle
:( does your mum have any brothers? what about your grandfather, you could tell him to talk to her and advise her?
hayakAllaah akhuna but this wouldn't be the best approach. Its not necessary to have a brother or a grandfather to intervene in this affair as it may more than likely cause things to get worse. He should do everything he can to prevent this munkar himself. May Allah help him in his time of need ameen.
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Asiyah3
04-20-2010, 03:22 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Getoffmyback
Just give her the impression that you know about it and she will come to you.
:sl:
I second that.

May Allah guide you and your family. Ameen.
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cat eyes
04-20-2010, 04:59 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Getoffmyback
Don't tell your grand father or anyone in your family even your closest friends you should never say a word. Its good that your sharing it here and only here.

Just give her the impression that you know about it and she will come to you. I know that confronting parents in such issues is really harsh but get a grip on yourself and keep inside. trust me its not a good idea to tell anyone even brothers sisters friends ....
well it depends some people naturally get afraid when they are shown a fatwa and things like this. or when a knowledgble person speaks to them. some thing needs to be done about it as soon as possible. a mother is so precious and needs to be protected by the wolfs out there who prey on vunerble women. mehrams should certainly get involved
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