@ School

[Beardo]

I know there's a lot of college students here so perhaps you can fill me in on this.

You can't really avoid talking to girls. You have to do projects with them. When they ask you a question, you have to answer it. When they tap you on your shoulder, you can't avoid it.

So where do you draw the line?

I'm not anti-feminist or anything but if you really want to avoid scenarios, where does one know where to stop? Sometimes when I talk to my friend, they join in the conversation. It's just the flow of things. At the same time, getting an education is really necessary. Sitting at home all day is not an option.

[tango92]

education means nothing in the face of the hereafter. personally my close freinds are people who dont socialise with girls so they rarely join in our convos. second i try to never make eye contact with a girl, so they all think im some antisocial stuck up person and dont talk to me. and finally any convos that need to be made out of necessity are breif and non personal.

sometimes i think education nowadays is just another means of chasing wealth in dunya, we should have the right intentions ie to earn lawfully our prescribed money and to provide a service to our muslim community.

[S<Chowdhury]

I know there's a lot of college students here so perhaps you can fill me in on this.

You can't really avoid talking to girls. You have to do projects with them. When they ask you a question, you have to answer it. When they tap you on your shoulder, you can't avoid it.

So where do you draw the line?

I'm not anti-feminist or anything but if you really want to avoid scenarios, where does one know where to stop? Sometimes when I talk to my friend, they join in the conversation. It's just the flow of things. At the same time, getting an education is really necessary. Sitting at home all day is not an option.

Bro are you asking us how to repel women ? :p unfortunately I'm not experienced in that area looool ;D

Since its unavoidable and you sitting @ home , i know you got Bengali parents ok soooo thats is defo not an option unless yu wanna get hurt :p lol

[cat eyes]

education means nothing in the face of the hereafter. personally my close freinds are people who dont socialise with girls so they rarely join in our convos. second i try to never make eye contact with a girl, so they all think im some antisocial stuck up person and dont talk to me. and finally any convos that need to be made out of necessity are breif and non personal.

sometimes i think education nowadays is just another means of chasing wealth in dunya, we should have the right intentions ie to earn lawfully our prescribed money and to provide a service to our muslim community.

Your right. time and time again ive questioned my intention about studying.

And time and time again im always hearing muslims going on about how much money they will earn after study :hmm: i wish people will keep this to themselves because it really shows how greedy a human can be lol

and uni is one big load of fitnah too. the brothers have it hard. i think girls are more stronger well thats what ive witnessed anyway

Brother rashad i think you should keep to yourself and lower your gaze as much as possible. i heard in a lecture once be ignorant if you have to be because if you be nice to them, it will just make them talk to you more lol so just kinda ignore them and pretend to be shy :S

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[Beardo]

Education is important. It's not just a means of chasing the Dunya. It's more than that. You need it to raise your children. Through education, you can also gain wisdom. Believe me, it's such a wrong thing to say that education is a dunya thing. You can gain more money with it, use that money to build masajid and sponsor students/orphans.

Moreover, think of it like this. Many Imams nowadays run on the salary given to them by the community. Thus, when Ramadan comes and there's the moon conflict, the Imam is forced to subdue to whatever the Masjid board agrees upon, whether he himself approves or not.

If an Imam can somehow not rely on the community's funds, then won't that make him more independent and free?

This is just one example.

[Dagless]

If uni is a problem then work will be an even bigger problem. Just make sure your intention is to study, and all contact can be justified by this intention... and then when you get caught you can say you were brushing up on your anatomy :D

[Hidaaya]

Education is important. It's not just a means of chasing the Dunya. It's more than that. You need it to raise your children. Through education, you can also gain wisdom. Believe me, it's such a wrong thing to say that education is a dunya thing. You can gain more money with it, use that money to build masajid and sponsor students/orphans.

Moreover, think of it like this. Many Imams nowadays run on the salary given to them by the community. Thus, when Ramadan comes and there's the moon conflict, the Imam is forced to subdue to whatever the Masjid board agrees upon, whether he himself approves or not.

If an Imam can somehow not rely on the community's funds, then won't that make him more independent and free?

This is just one example.

Agreed. Education is something which would help you in your future life. It won't really benefit for the hereafter, but it is important to have an appropriate lifestyle for you and your family. With education, you'd be able to support yourself physically and mentally, if ever needed.


Education also knocks sense into a lot of people. :hiding:

[aadil77]

Well the interaction with girls is the same as you have in high school. You draw the line the same way you do at school, you just need to avoid all the smiles and cheap talk - keep it professional. Uni will have a heck of alot more fitna than school tho, this is cause the girls (ho's) are away from home so they'l be wearing less clothes due to the extra freedom, another thing is cause you have so many people at uni the fitna is alot more concentrated. You can combat it by getting married and/or stickin to the brothers you'll meet at isoc. The interaction aint a big deal, you make your own group of friends beforehand that you can keep with in projects etc.

[tango92]

for brothers its especially tough because arent we not allowed to see the hair of a non mahram? thus even looking at any girl in uni/college becomes haram.

[aadil77]

for brothers its especially tough because arent we not allowed to see the hair of a non mahram? thus even looking at any girl in uni/college becomes haram.

I dunno about the hair, I don't think in the times of arab jahiliyya any women wore the head scarve and I'm pretty sure that rasulullah would have to interact with these women in cases of dawah and business.

I can't see us restricting ourselves that much though, you'd have to keep your head down constantly in this country then

[PouringRain]

Every time I read threads of young college people and the problems they have with the opposite gender I always think, "I never had these problems!" :giggling: The school that I currently attend is on-line, so I certainly do not have these problems now. Not that I had them at traditional schools. I must not have the right personality to attract males, and I am not one who approaches them in public.

I agree with the poster who said to keep things professional. Don't approach a woman on your own and if one taps you and asks you something, keep it to the point and short. If you have to, flat out tell her that you are there to gain an education, not to socialize with women. There is nothing wrong with being straight to the point with people, and without being rude about it. As far as not looking at women's hair, all I can say is that things like that make me think of the Bible verse about living in the world but not being of the world. I don't know about how Islam views things of that nature, so if someone wants to fill me in, please do. But basically, as it relates to your situation, being "in the world" is like being in the university. It is something you must do in order to gain the education. But this does not mean you must be "of the world." You do not have to associate with wrong people, or do the things that others do. The sin may be all around you, but you do not have to participate in it. If you find your eyes roaming to hair, then learn to look away. Do not dwell on it or stare at it. You can not force them to cover their heads any more than you can force them to put more clothes on. (Which I find funny that naked hair was brought up in this thread, but not the fact that some girls have all sorts of other body parts hanging out, especially at universities.) Looking away is the only thing I can say.

[Life_Is_Short]

There aren't many Islamic institutions at higher education. This would have solved the problem completely. :(

The least you can do is lower your gaze, keep conversations strictly to work and follow the correct Islamic dress code so people know you're a muslim and therefore does not like to interact unnecessarily.

If you establish this sort of attitude from the beginning people automatically keep their distance when it comes to class or regular work related discussions.

If you know you can't avoid it, handle it the best you can and Ins'Allah you'll get reward for that.

[Ummu Sufyaan]

:sl:

I know there's a lot of college students here so perhaps you can fill me in on this.

You can't really avoid talking to girls. You have to do projects with them. When they ask you a question, you have to answer it. When they tap you on your shoulder, you can't avoid it.

So where do you draw the line?

I'm not anti-feminist or anything but if you really want to avoid scenarios, where does one know where to stop? Sometimes when I talk to my friend, they join in the conversation. It's just the flow of things. At the same time, getting an education is really necessary. Sitting at home all day is not an option.

body language is important as is reputation. if you have the correct body language (eg not so overally friendly with the wrong people, dont look like you are so ready to talk, etc), then they should get the message.

build a reputation for yourself as the "quite" one or something along those lines.

when they come and join you, just turn around and pretend your bust with something. hang around with the right crowds.

people will only keep talking to you as long as you are talking to them.

[cat eyes]

i do believe though if you don't want any part in this like mixing with girls and stuff and talking to them so you will do just about anything.

IF you really dont want this and you want to get away from it. Allah makes it easy on the person.