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distressed
05-03-2010, 09:30 PM
Salaam

I just wanted some advice on the lending/borrowing of money. I loaned some money to a friend (non muslim) a while ago, at the time i gave him the money as he had a need for it and i thort i was helping some1 out. However now i have fallen out with him, not cos of the money but other things. I dont think im gona be friends with him again. Is it ok for me to ask for this money back ? does this make me a bad muslimah ? if it was a small amount i wouldnt be bothered, but its not, & now i need it, so would it be rong 4 me to ask for it back ?? Also wat would be the best way to do it ? seen as tho i dont tlk to this person, is it ok 2 get some1 else to ask him on my behalf ?
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PouringRain
05-03-2010, 09:44 PM
I do not know the answer Islamically, and I look forward to the replies..... I do not see that there should be a problem with you asking for it back, but since the two of you have fallen out of favor it is possible that this former friend will "conveniently" have forgotten that you ever loaned any money or will have some other excuse not to pay it back. My mom always taught me to never give someone something that I expect to get back. LOL In other words, if I give something to someone (friend or not) don't ever expect it back.
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distressed
05-03-2010, 09:52 PM
I dont think he wud refuse, its just i need it now, & it was a large sum...but our friendship was built on him using me, and i dont see why i should fall short now..if that makes any sense. When i gave it him, it wasnt with the intention i wud hassle him, it was that i was helpin out a friend...and i wasnt bothered when he paid me back, its just things have gone sour now, & i'd rather not associate with him anymore...but i dont knw the best way to ask for it..i find it akward tlking about money.
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Alpha Dude
05-03-2010, 09:52 PM
Wa alaykum salam,

Was it your intention to give it as a gift or as a loan? If you both saw it as a loan, I don't see why it would be wrong to ask for it back. Asking back via a trustworthy third party seems to be the way to go. Perhaps a male relative.

I'm sure you know this but being close friends with guys is not allowed. Ultimately it's for the best that you're not on speaking terms anymore.
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distressed
05-03-2010, 10:04 PM
Originally Posted by Alpha Dude
Wa alaykum salam,

Was it your intention to give it as a gift or as a loan? If you both saw it as a loan, I don't see why it would be wrong to ask for it back. Asking back via a trustworthy third party seems to be the way to go. Perhaps a male relative.

I'm sure you know this but being close friends with guys is not allowed. Ultimately it's for the best that you're not on speaking terms anymore.
at the time it was a loan, ive asked a few ppl but they seem to think if i get some1 else involved it mite get messy, & he mite think, im talking behind his back or something ?? he needed it at the time, i thort i was helping. No1 else knows about it apart from us 2 ..I was thinnking of maybe writing out a quick email but im unsure of wat to put, and how 2 word it appropriately...

I know hes going to think the breakdown of the friendship mite be the reason im bein difficult, its not, i do have a need for it.

Im not really up on islam,, which is why ive joined this forum, 2 learn more, i aint gona be associating with that guy now, i didnt actually know that we werent allowed to associate with men..b4..
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Alpha Dude
05-03-2010, 10:20 PM
I know hes going to think the breakdown of the friendship mite be the reason im bein difficult, its not, i do have a need for it.
As long as your need is genuine, don't worry about what he will think. Tell him that it is a genuine need that has cropped up and it is nothing to do with the falling out. It's up to him whether he believes or not, you shouldn't have to care about his reaction.

Besides, if you have no desire to talk to him again, why be so stressed over how he will take it. Just get it over and done with and forget about it.
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distressed
05-06-2010, 10:28 AM
Originally Posted by Alpha Dude
As long as your need is genuine, don't worry about what he will think. Tell him that it is a genuine need that has cropped up and it is nothing to do with the falling out. It's up to him whether he believes or not, you shouldn't have to care about his reaction.

Besides, if you have no desire to talk to him again, why be so stressed over how he will take it. Just get it over and done with and forget about it.
This didnt go how i expected, i asked via email, got a million and 1 questions on why i was askin 4 it back ?? and then i get called a hypocrite and disrespectful ?? cos ive asked back for something that is mine and i have a genuine need for. I tried to do a good thing by helping some1 out, but you cant even do that for ppl nowadays.!! I dont think i'll get myself in this situation again.
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Alpha Dude
05-06-2010, 10:59 AM
:sl:
Originally Posted by distressed
This didnt go how i expected, i asked via email, got a million and 1 questions on why i was askin 4 it back ?? and then i get called a hypocrite and disrespectful ?? cos ive asked back for something that is mine and i have a genuine need for. I tried to do a good thing by helping some1 out, but you cant even do that for ppl nowadays.!! I dont think i'll get myself in this situation again.
InshaAllah it works out. Kindly, calmly tell him that you really are in need of the money. Don't pay too much attention to his protests and accusations. As long as you know that you're sincere, that's all that matters.

I wouldn't be so quick to dismiss giving out loans altogether. Just be more methodogical in your approach. In Islam, when giving a loan there are certain conditions that must be met in order to safeguard us from falling into situations like the one you're facing. One condition is that the date of repayment is clearly to be agreed upon and another is to have witnesses (2 males or 1 male and 2 females). Another condition is that you write down the details as a form of contract (although might not be strictly necessary if both parties agree not to).
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distressed
05-08-2010, 11:19 PM
Originally Posted by Alpha Dude
:sl:

InshaAllah it works out. Kindly, calmly tell him that you really are in need of the money. Don't pay too much attention to his protests and accusations. As long as you know that you're sincere, that's all that matters.

I wouldn't be so quick to dismiss giving out loans altogether. Just be more methodogical in your approach. In Islam, when giving a loan there are certain conditions that must be met in order to safeguard us from falling into situations like the one you're facing. One condition is that the date of repayment is clearly to be agreed upon and another is to have witnesses (2 males or 1 male and 2 females). Another condition is that you write down the details as a form of contract (although might not be strictly necessary if both parties agree not to).

I dont think hes going to give it back, & tbh the crap hes come out with have shown me how you can get a person soo wrong. my need is genuine, but ive cut ties with him, so i shudnt have to explain wat i need it 4. I just dont know who to trust nowadays, every1 seems to be out 4 themselves.
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Ayesha Rana
05-08-2010, 11:57 PM
Well for a start make some practicing muslimah friends. Nice ones who will stick by you and help you out. And remmeber if you have a friend who when you see them they remind you of God then that person is a goldmine, don't let them go.

And here's some advice that I was really happy to have given to me:
Take care of your relationship with Allah and He will take care of your relationship with other people.
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distressed
05-09-2010, 07:44 PM
Originally Posted by Ayesha Rana
Well for a start make some practicing muslimah friends. Nice ones who will stick by you and help you out. And remmeber if you have a friend who when you see them they remind you of God then that person is a goldmine, don't let them go.

And here's some advice that I was really happy to have given to me:
Take care of your relationship with Allah and He will take care of your relationship with other people.
LOL that sounded like i was being told off ?? Its just i thort that person would have given me it back cos hes found out what i need it for ? but he obviously doesnt have a concious...so ?? I know ive made some bad choices, and i kinda realised a lot of things. advice is good & ive taken it on board.-thanks.
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Ayesha Rana
05-09-2010, 09:08 PM
Aww sorry ukhtee no not telling you off just trying to sound serious lol I am glad you want to do good. It is what all of us need-the desire to do what is right. When we have that and we turn to Allah (swt) alone, we cannot go wrong Insha'Allah
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