format_quote Originally Posted by
anonymous
Salaam everyone,
I have done something very bad and I do not know what to do. I live in a western society and I had become very good friends with this girl (muslim). We got to the point where I believed that we were ready for marriage but then she told me she had a boyfriend, she drinks and she kisses her boyfriend too. This did not seem to phase my liking of her. We both decided to go clubbing (we're at university) and we went with a group of friends on one day and it was interesting (we danced togetehr) I felt bad because religiously it is wrong. But then three days later we went again. Our friends left early and so it was just me and her left. We started kissing and we did many bad things (but we did not do anything more than kissing and groping).
Now the next day she tells me her boyfriend broke up with her on the first time we went out so she did not 'cheat' as such. Now I know she does not see a future with her current boyfriend and I still have feelings for her. But she has also said that she doesn't not see a future with us at the moment. But I feel really bad for what I did on monday and I never will do that a again with another girl.
I fear I will be judged for what I have done by others, and doing what I did is not like me at all. I promised myself I wouldn't do that when I came to university and I have disrepected myself and my family. And I fear that other muslims will hear about this and not see me as a potential husband because of this one thing I have done. Will 'the one' accept me for who I am? I am very confused right now. I cannot change what I have done, I can only repent for it. But the consequences of what I have done, how severe from a religious perspective and will I ever find a girl again? Do I deserve someone who is cleaner than me? Even though I promise never to do what I did again?
I may not be making much sense and I apologize sincerely for that but I am very distraught and my heart is pounding out of my chest. I have no one to talk to. My parents would disown me, all my Muslim friends are much much worse than me. All but one drink, all of them have had at least one relationship before.
So that brings me to my next concern. So many muslims out there have had relationships and boyfriends and things. Does that matter? It matters to me. Because I want my first one to be THE ONE and the only one. And I truly believed this girl was the one and that we would get married but now after what I have done on the second day with the kissing and everything with her and knowing that it has lead to nothing and I have tarnished myself tears me apart to no end. I am very depressed right now. Why would she do this to me. After the second day I really believed we would be together but now I feel like I have been used and thrown away... Also she is three years older than me...
Please help me...
Asalaamu Alaikum and jazakallah for coming forward with your issue and it is clear that you are quite remorseful but in life we do have to pay for the consequances of our actions. It seems as though you are quite naive in thinking that the first girl you would ever get intimate with would be "the one". Do you think that girl is decent who gets intimate with you before marriage? Do you think a pious girl would find you decent knowing that you also got intimate before marriage? Intimacy is reserved ONLY for marriage. You think Allah will find you a pious girl if you have the intention of getting intimate before marriage?
My brother desist from this evil thought and sincerely repent to Allah that you will NEVER even be-friend a girl again. There is no such thing as being freinds with the opposite sex because shaythan is always third party and such friendships always lead to haraam. Most relationships start from friendships. According to hadith to the nearest meaning that it is better to have an axe smashed on your head than to touch the skin of a non mahram girl.
Trust me on this one the pain you are going through right now with this girl is nothing compared to the terrible pain you would have experienced if you had a fully blown long term relationship with a girl who you thought was the one and who you created dreams with and talked about spending the rest of your life with and then things went wrongand you had to seperate for one reason or another. Majority of pre-marital relationships never work out and all they cause is pain, anguish and can leave a person feeling scarred and even suicidal. So imagine what you would have went through if you actually had a proper relationship and things went wrong? Your lucky you have made this mistake and not made a even bigger mistake. Learn from this brother for this is a warning for you so take heed.
My brother this girl is a lesson for you. Unfortunatley nowadays there are many girls out there like this just like there are many guys out there like this who only want a bit of fun and have no sense of shame whatsoever and care not about who they end up with that night or who they get intimate with. By the time they want to get married they would have went through several relationships and sexual partners. This is the state of affair of many of our brothers and sisters today.
Unfortunatley our brothers and sisters are in a terrible state especially when they go out there to university and get a bit of freedom. I know many a case where parents have full trusted their daughters and sent them to far away places at university where they have done the worse things that you can imagine. I'm sure many of us have seen this or know people who have seen it. It is a very sad state of affairs. They may not regret their actions now but sooner or later they will and by then it will be too late.
My brother pious men are for pious women and pious women are for pious men so do you want a girl who cheats, drinks, has no shame whatso ever? Or do you want a pious women who will benefit you in this world and the next? Then repent sincerely that Allah forgives you and NEVER repeat such a terrible act again.
You have learnt from your mistake now and you have realised that there are women like this out there who are not genuine at all but bad news. So keep away from any female companion and when you are ready for marriage then do it the right way as in not having any contact with the women and you will surely find a pious partner inshallah.
If there is anything else you would like to know or share then please do not hesitate to ask.
Please watch this short video and contemplate over it and it may change your life FOREVER inshallah!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-fugf1DcNyc
Here are some very beneficial articles for you:
Translation of what we recite in our namaaz
http://www.sunniforum.com/forum/show...f-salat-(namaz)
10 Steps to Increasing our Iman(Faith)
http://www.islamicboard.com/showthre...our-Iman(Faith)
30 ways the youth should spend everyday of their lives!
http://www.islamicboard.com/showthre...of-their-lives!
Easy Dhikr which is light on the tongue but heavy on the scales!
http://www.islamicboard.com/showthre...-on-the-scales!
My Daily Ibadah (worship) check!
http://www.islamicboard.com/showthre...worship)-check!
10 steps to getting closer to Allah
http://www.islamicboard.com/showthre...loser-to-Allah
Forty Very Easy, Quick & Rewarding Good Deeds for all of us to do Everyday!
http://www.islamicboard.com/showthre...to-do-Everyday!
Not praying Salaah 5 times a day? Here's the solution!
http://www.islamicboard.com/showthre...s-the-solution!
VERY Rewarding Nafl Salaahs we can Pray Everyday!
http://www.islamicboard.com/showthre...-Pray-Everyday!
Please listen these very beneficial talks:
Angel of Death!!! - Sheikh Ahmed Ali
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tUzRJXlB2uA
Imam Anwar al-Awlaki - Death (The Destroyer of Pleasures) [part 1/4]
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ieX7ZQtHl0s
Imam Anwar al-Awlaki - Death (The Destroyer of Pleasures) [part 2/4]
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KK_2sVGMW08
Imam Anwar al-Awlaki - Death (The Destroyer of Pleasures) [part 3/4]
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bpmzA2hk1Bo
Imam Anwar al-Awlaki - Death (The Destroyer of Pleasures) [part 4/4]
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=km39GfL62TQ
Imam Anwar al-Awlaki - The Journey of the Soul
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wAwHEXE3-n0
HARD HITTING Lecture on HELLFIRE & the Day of JUDGEMENT! يوم القيامة والجحيم
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0O6L_fBk7VM
Sheikh Ahmad Ali - Hellfire Talk Part 1/3
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DWTehIeCOUU
Sheikh Ahmad Ali - Hellfire Talk Part 2/3
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yXTtk7rWx_U
Sheikh Ahmad Ali - Hellfire Talk Part 3/3
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wmiD86w9fBc
Islam - Punishment of the Grave by Sheikh Riyadh ul Haq
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UWb-hYIm2WE
Death and the Grave by Murtaza Khan
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7r2nzJVecqo
How can we not appreciate what we have after watching this?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AkEBUC0APMg[/QUOTE]
and Allah knows best in all matters