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Mohamed_Sadiq
06-08-2010, 12:07 PM
Hello everybody!:D

Lads what do you think of having more than one wife?

Girls what would you do if your husband got married?

To the non-muslims what do you think of polygamy?

Me personally I favour polygamy and its one thing I really like about our religion:D
Insha allah I want to have 3 wives in the future.

Lool Imagine if having 7 wives was allowed in Islam? So you will have a wife for each seven days of the week;D :
Monday: Munira
Tuesday: Fatima
Wednesday: Sumaya
Thursday: Halima
Friday: Sabrina
Saturday: Sulekha
Sunday: Aisha

Lool ;D
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Ummu Sufyaan
06-08-2010, 12:40 PM
so women a some type of pawn in some silly fantasy you've got going. it seems like you need a crash course in dealing with and understanding women. if you dont know that, don't even consider marrying 1, let alone 3.
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UmmSqueakster
06-08-2010, 02:33 PM
More wives = more mothers in law

Reflect on that when you think about marrying another wife.
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CosmicPathos
06-08-2010, 02:48 PM
Originally Posted by Ummu Sufyaan
so women a some type of pawn in some silly fantasy you've got going. it seems like you need a crash course in dealing with and understanding women. if you dont know that, don't even consider marrying 1, let alone 3.
i wonder if sheep herders in Prophet pbuh time took these CRASH courses that you speak of offered by the likes of Al Maghrib and al kautar
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Ummu Sufyaan
06-08-2010, 02:57 PM
I doubt it considering al-maghrib and al-kawthar institute weren't in existence back then :D not that they would have needed them anyway, radhiallahu anhum.
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Asiyah3
06-08-2010, 03:11 PM
:sl:
Originally Posted by Mohamed_Sadiq
Girls what would you do if your husband got married?
I'll either ask for a divorce and live my life or I might consider it if I benefit somehow (like if I can get rid of him this way lol)

I'll tell you after I'm married. But if he were to marry in secret then that's a certain divorce.

Me personally I favour polygamy and its one thing I really like about our religion:D
Insha allah I want to have 3 wives in the future.
What if your first wife doesn't like that? But one important advice, please tell your wives before you marry them that you plan on this insha'llah.
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cat eyes
06-08-2010, 03:16 PM
if he was rich i would whats the point in marrying some one who already has a wife if he don't have the money to support both of them. its just madness because people don't think that when they get both women pregnant how are they going to justice with them all
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LauraS
06-08-2010, 03:39 PM
I don't really see the need in it, why do men need more than one wife? How come a woman isn't allowed more than one husband? I read a discussion between a Muslim and Islamic scholar on the internet, a man had married a Muslim convert and wanted to know if he needed to tell her that he was already married to someone else. The Islamic scholar replied that it wasn't necessary! O_o Surely you can't keep a second wife secret for long. He said it wasn't necessary unless and I can't remember what the unless was...I would say it was blooming necessary understand all circumstances. I wonder if thet're still married?

So what are the reasons for polygamy in the modern world?
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cat eyes
06-08-2010, 03:50 PM
Originally Posted by LauraS
I don't really see the need in it, why do men need more than one wife? How come a woman isn't allowed more than one husband? I read a discussion between a Muslim and Islamic scholar on the internet, a man had married a Muslim convert and wanted to know if he needed to tell her that he was already married to someone else. The Islamic scholar replied that it wasn't necessary! O_o Surely you can't keep a second wife secret for long. He said it wasn't necessary unless and I can't remember what the unless was...I would say it was blooming necessary understand all circumstances. I wonder if thet're still married?

So what are the reasons for polygamy in the modern world?
:bravo:
Men don't need more then one wife. one wife is enough for pity sake ;D

actually the reason for a woman not being able to have more then one husband laura is because if she was to become pregnant for every husband, she would not know who the father is to the child. and theres many other reasons too which i will find shortly
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Asiyah3
06-08-2010, 03:54 PM
^There are some men that want more than one woman in their lifetime. The only difference is that you do it honorably inside marriage.

Why is it so acceptable to be with more than one woman at the same time, but being married to them is disliked, when marriage grants them rights and commitment etc.?

I'm not sure if I put my point clearly but hopefully you get it insha'llah.
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Mohamed_Sadiq
06-08-2010, 03:57 PM
Originally Posted by Ummu Sufyaan
so women a some type of pawn in some silly fantasy you've got going. it seems like you need a crash course in dealing with and understanding women. if you dont know that, don't even consider marrying 1, let alone 3.
Lol, no. i don't think so. I respect women.
I want to follow the Sunnah. Also it runs in the family my father, grandfathers its culture 2. :D
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Asiyah3
06-08-2010, 03:59 PM
However, I agree with you Laura. I also don't see the need unless the wife can't have children or other such reasons.
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Mohamed_Sadiq
06-08-2010, 04:03 PM
Originally Posted by UmmSqueakster
More wives = more mothers in law

Reflect on that when you think about marrying another wife.
Looool good point. I will need loads of asprin then.
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marwen
06-08-2010, 04:06 PM
If polygamy were not beneficial for the islamic society, then Allah wouldn't make it permissible.

Personally I'm not married yet, but I think I'll marry just one wife not because I'm against polygamy, but because I don't think I'm able to take care of 4 families. But I'm with polygamy and I encourage my friends to do it if they're able to handle it.

Polygamy will reduce the number of unmarried ladies in the society, so it solves many related problems (prostitution, rape, poverty, ...) especially in societies where the number of females is superior than the number of males.
Polygamy makes the society more compact and unified by multiplying the number of links between families (the example of the muslim society in the time of the prophet Peace and Blessing Upon Him)


more links between families = strongest society
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Mohamed_Sadiq
06-08-2010, 04:06 PM
Originally Posted by LauraS
I don't really see the need in it, why do men need more than one wife? How come a woman isn't allowed more than one husband? I read a discussion between a Muslim and Islamic scholar on the internet, a man had married a Muslim convert and wanted to know if he needed to tell her that he was already married to someone else. The Islamic scholar replied that it wasn't necessary! O_o Surely you can't keep a second wife secret for long. He said it wasn't necessary unless and I can't remember what the unless was...I would say it was blooming necessary understand all circumstances. I wonder if thet're still married?

So what are the reasons for polygamy in the modern world?
Your entitled to your opinion, but just cause we are in the modern world doesn't mean we have to lose our culture and religion. Also polygamy is not compulsary you don't have to get married to more than 1 wife. But some people do it for many reasons such as having loads of children, following the sunnah, increasing the muslim ummah there are many other reasons for people to do it.
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CosmicPathos
06-08-2010, 04:09 PM
Originally Posted by LauraS
I don't really see the need in it, why do men need more than one wife? How come a woman isn't allowed more than one husband? I read a discussion between a Muslim and Islamic scholar on the internet, a man had married a Muslim convert and wanted to know if he needed to tell her that he was already married to someone else. The Islamic scholar replied that it wasn't necessary! O_o Surely you can't keep a second wife secret for long. He said it wasn't necessary unless and I can't remember what the unless was...I would say it was blooming necessary understand all circumstances. I wonder if thet're still married?

So what are the reasons for polygamy in the modern world?
ok so its ok for a man to have sex with multiple women in his life but one at a time in the form of cute and innocent relationships. Its FINE, EH. awww, you have a girlfriend. But polygamy, No, no no noé.

Filthy Kaafirs.
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LauraS
06-08-2010, 04:20 PM
Originally Posted by cat eyes
:bravo:
Men don't need more then one wife. one wife is enough for pity sake ;D

actually the reason for a woman not being able to have more then one husband laura is because if she was to become pregnant for every husband, she would not know who the father is to the child. and theres many other reasons too which i will find shortly
lol, good point....

Muslimah- I would say it was more the other way around, if a man was sleeping around with different women at the same time people would call him a plyer, but if he marries them he's just a family man. I don't really like the argument that some men want to be with more than one woman in their lifetime because it's just....like they can't control themselves and just want more instead of dedicating themselves to being with one woman. I think marriage is much more special if the man isn't sharing himself around. Aside from the impracticalities of a woman having more than one husband, if she desired more than one man, wouldn't she be thought of as a woman of "ill repute" we'll just say. Like I said I just think there is no need for a man to have more than one wife.

BTW the image of seven mother inlaws all haranguing a man at the same time makes me laugh, and it would serve you right Mohamed_Sadiq! Seven is just greedy lol!

mad_scientist- *rolls eyes* and yes, until someone finds who they're compatible for life with what's wrong with them having several girlfriends during their lifetime rather than at the same time. I could reply in kind to your comment but I have more respect.
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Ğħαrєєвαħ
06-08-2010, 04:25 PM
Originally Posted by Mohamed_Sadiq
Hello everybody!:D

Girls what would you do if your husband got married?
Aslaamu Alaaykum and Hi

I am not sure what i would do, but if theres a Brother who is willing to get married to more than one wife, he should inform his wife and see if shes Fine with it!

As its the Sunnah, its not a Must but rewarding!
There are specific reasons to having 4 wives not just Just for desire or whateever. Should be able to provide etc.

I am sure it would make every wife jelous if her husband had many wives, he should be able to give each wife the same amount of Love!. Treat her equal and not different So yeah! If your Husband married a women for her safety, that is awesome, it shows he has respect for women, But yea thats my onion :D. . .

So yeah!

Wa Alaaykum Salaam
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Muslim Woman
06-08-2010, 04:31 PM
Salaam

Originally Posted by Mohamed_Sadiq
Girls what would you do if your husband got married?

I won't start dancing with joy but Inshaallah will try to accept it . If find it extremely difficult , then will stay separately or will talk to a Mufti to take a decision that is correct according to Sharia.

And Allah Knows Best.



To the non-muslims what do you think of polygamy?

Me personally I favour polygamy and its one thing I really like about our religion:D
Insha allah I want to have 3 wives in the future.
so many unmaaried sisters are there now a days. InshaAllah u will be a good husband to four of them . Remember , marriage is not only for fun but it's a great responsibility.
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Ğħαrєєвαħ
06-08-2010, 04:35 PM
^True. . .
It is indeed a Great Responsibility MashaAllaah :) Keep that in Mind, maybe coz your not married you think like that but when you do, situation and time changes!
Indeedy

So Yeah
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AhmadibnNasroon
06-08-2010, 04:42 PM
I urge the brothers to have some sentiments towards the sisters regarding this subject matter when posting.

Having said that, I urge the sisters to fear Allah regarding this subject matter when posting.
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Mohamed_Sadiq
06-08-2010, 04:44 PM
Originally Posted by AhmadibnNasroon
I urge the brothers to have some sentiments towards the sisters regarding this subject matter when posting.

Having said that, I urge the sisters to fear Allah regarding this subject matter when posting.
Yes indeed, as polygamy is a hot topic for an inividual.
-So everyone please be careful for what you say regarding this topic.
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Predator
06-08-2010, 04:49 PM
mad_scientist- *rolls eyes* and yes, until someone finds who they're compatible for life with what's wrong with them having several girlfriends during their lifetime rather than at the same time. I could reply in kind to your comment but I have more respect.
So you thinks its even ok for you have a dozen illegitimate children and you wouldnt even know who the father of your child is ?
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LauraS
06-08-2010, 05:30 PM
Originally Posted by Airforce
So you thinks its even ok for you have a dozen illegitimate children and you wouldnt even know who the father of your child is ?
Please tell me where I stated that in my post.
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Asiyah3
06-08-2010, 05:34 PM
Originally Posted by LauraS
Muslimah- I would say it was more the other way around, if a man was sleeping around with different women at the same time people would call him a plyer, but if he marries them he's just a family man.
It's perceived differently in different societies, in some as in my country it's as you've described and some others are more of what-they-call 'liberty', . From what I've seen most westerners seem to dislike polygamy, but people having several partners isn't condemned in the same manner at all.

I don't really like the argument that some men want to be with more than one woman in their lifetime because it's just....like they can't control themselves and just want more instead of dedicating themselves to being with one woman.
That's not restrained to men only though, specifically in the West where women are becoming like men in their 'courting' life.



Aside from the impracticalities of a woman having more than one husband, if she desired more than one man, wouldn't she be thought of as a woman of "ill repute" we'll just say.
Women aren't like men in this aspect al-hamdulillah. Women would get divorced and start a life with the person they desire.

I think marriage is much more special if the man isn't sharing himself around.
Like I said I just think there is no need for a man to have more than one wife.
I agree, but this is the 'ideal' world only.
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جوري
06-08-2010, 05:38 PM
Originally Posted by LauraS

So what are the reasons for polygamy in the modern world?
According to 'western studies' men aren't monogamous by nature..
so instead of this:

http://harrypottering.com/gossip/Dum...68-528693.html

where you end up with a b astard child with no rights to inheritance or identity. You'd have a proper identity, rights to inheritance etc. etc.
and with any wife having a right to a divorce...

but to answer the OP. no I personally wouldn't be a wife to a man with more than one wife, this is ok for some but not for all!

:w:
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PouringRain
06-08-2010, 05:38 PM
I think that polygamy can have many benefits to both genders within a marriage. The biggest problem I have seen is that few men and women seem able to go about it in a proper manner, which causes problems for all. Most men these days seem unable to be a proper husband to one wife, so how could they even consider multiples? I am not intending this to be a put down on men in general, nor do I blame men for this entirely. I think the shift in gender roles in society has, in part, left men unsure about what it means to be a man and unsure about what their own role is in society. That is an entirely different topic, so I won't go into it any further. I just wanted it to be clear that I am not attacking men here, nor picking on them. With women the main problem that always comes up is that of jealousy, but with men the problems are many. In short, I do not have a problem with polygamy, but I believe that very few individuals are able to properly handle such a marriage. I once knew a Christian man who was in a polygamous marriage and the way his worked is one of the best and most ideal I have seen.
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M.I.A.
06-08-2010, 05:51 PM
Originally Posted by Ummu Sufyaan
so women a some type of pawn in some silly fantasy you've got going. it seems like you need a crash course in dealing with and understanding women. if you dont know that, don't even consider marrying 1, let alone 3.
makes me think that the whole mindset of people has changed within 1400 years, the concept of relationships to the very understanding of what marriage is.
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LauraS
06-08-2010, 06:08 PM
Originally Posted by τhε ṿαlε'ṡ lïlÿ
According to 'western studies' men aren't monogamous by nature..
so instead of this:

http://harrypottering.com/gossip/Dum...68-528693.html

where you end up with a b astard child with no rights to inheritance or identity. You'd have a proper identity, rights to inheritance etc. etc.
and with any wife having a right to a divorce...

:w:
Oh my life, does he think he's Henry the eighth or something. Mind you it is an article from The Sun, you can take what they say with a piece of salt. I still don't think men being able to do it legally makes it morally wife, just survive with one wife. The best argument against it I read was, and I don't know if it was on here or not was "God made Adam and Eve, not Adam, Eve, Betty and Sarah." :D

Originally Posted by **muslimah**
It's perceived differently in different societies, in some as in my country it's as you've described and some others are more of what-they-call 'liberty', . From what I've seen most westerners seem to dislike polygamy, but people having several partners isn't condemned in the same manner at all.


That's not restrained to men only though, specifically in the West where women are becoming like men in their 'courting' life.




Women aren't like men in this aspect al-hamdulillah. Women would get divorced and start a life with the person they desire.



I agree, but this is the 'ideal' world only.
Believe me in the west having different unmarried partners at the same time is not approved of! There was much fuss made of a man who lived with a wife and mistress and most people were not impressed at all. Of course they may have one partner, split up with them and then go out with someone else, but that's different because it's not at the same time. I'm don't agree with people just going around having sex with everybody as if it's nothing.
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جوري
06-08-2010, 06:22 PM
Originally Posted by LauraS
Oh my life, does he think he's Henry the eighth or something. Mind you it is an article from The Sun, you can take what they say with a piece of salt.
here is another source:
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz...-mistress.html

I don't know much about which of your news papers is more factual than others, what matters is, he is a prototype for what happens in the west.. men go on cheating because they can't have a second wife.. The one who created men knows better their nature.. for some one is sufficient for others a ton hence Islam limited the amount and made conditions to every party's satisfaction. As stated divorce is always an option.. having a dozen or so kids out of wedlock even if your wife knows about it or not isn't not an option~!

I still don't think men being able to do it legally makes it morally wife,
I don't understand what this means?
just survive with one wife.
Seems unfair to all parties involved especially the wife?

The best argument against it I read was, and I don't know if it was on here or not was "God made Adam and Eve, not Adam, Eve, Betty and Sarah." :D
I don't see any argument there? having more than one wife isn't an injunction it is a privilege!

all the best
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LauraS
06-08-2010, 07:01 PM
Originally Posted by τhε ṿαlε'ṡ lïlÿ
here is another source:
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz...-mistress.html

I don't know much about which of your news papers is more factual than others, what matters is, he is a prototype for what happens in the west.. men go on cheating because they can't have a second wife.. The one who created men knows better their nature.. for some one is sufficient for others a ton hence Islam limited the amount and made conditions to every party's satisfaction. As stated divorce is always an option.. having a dozen or so kids out of wedlock even if your wife knows about it or not isn't not an option~!
So because men can't remain faithful we should just let them have more than one wife to satisfy their "needs"? This situation with Michael Gamdon isn't exactly something that happens in the west all over. We shouldn't make excuses for these men.

Originally Posted by τhε ṿαlε'ṡ lïlÿ
I don't understand what this means?
I meant "morally right" as you could probably guess.

Originally Posted by τhε ṿαlε'ṡ lïlÿ

Seems unfair to all parties involved especially the wife?
I think devoting yourself to one wife is much fairer than spreading your time amongst several, if a man can't control himself and has an affair it shouldn't be excused as "his nature". One again what if the wife didn't want to just sleep with one man in her life and so slept with someone else?

Originally Posted by τhε ṿαlε'ṡ lïlÿ
I don't see any argument there? having more than one wife isn't an injunction it is a privilege!
The argument is God created one woman for Adam, not several. He obviously felt Adam could cope with just the one woman.
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Ğħαrєєвαħ
06-08-2010, 07:14 PM
Originally Posted by LauraS
So because men can't remain faithful we should just let them have more than one wife to satisfy their "needs"? This situation with Michael Gamdon isn't exactly something that happens in the west all over. We shouldn't make excuses for these men.
In Islaam the reason to Men having more than 1 Wife is not to satisfy their "Needs" as you put it!
Nobody in this thread spoke of having more than 1 wife in Islaam is for satisfying ones needs. And seriously why bring some other person into the topic? such as Michael Garndon? Whatever he does , let him do it, but here this thread is about Marriage of 4 Wives according to Islaam not what the Western Society believes in or does.

I think you should study in this area first and then justify your claim indeed. If you dont know, please ask and some knowledgeable Brothers and Sisters can answer you regarding this topic!
Hence Allaah is our Creator, therefore he knows what is best for us, and its not a MUST to have 4 wives.

I apologise if i sound harsh, forgive me for my bad words :(,sorry just thought i would clear a misconception, hope i helped a lil bit InshaAllaah

P.e.a.c.e
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جوري
06-08-2010, 07:28 PM
Originally Posted by LauraS
So because men can't remain faithful we should just let them have more than one wife to satisfy their "needs"?
who is 'we' and who said having multiple wives is about satisfying a 'need' is marriage all about sex in your opinion? if that were the case then it would be easier indeed to simple have a concubine on the side a dozen illegitimate children!
This situation with Michael Gamdon isn't exactly something that happens in the west all over. We shouldn't make excuses for these men.
actually it is a little over half!
And yet, according to the Journal of Couple and Relationship Therapy, approximately 50 percent married women and 60 percent of married men will have an extramarital affair at some time in their marriage.

http://www.catalogs.com/info/relatio...n-each-ot.html




I meant "morally right" as you could probably guess.
I still have no idea what you mean or how you personally define 'moral'


I think devoting yourself to one wife is much fairer than spreading your time amongst several, if a man can't control himself and has an affair it shouldn't be excused as "his nature". One again what if the wife didn't want to just sleep with one man in her life and so slept with someone else?
Then she should make that clear as a condition in her marriage contract and grounds for divorce.. you are so funny.. it is like you are incapable of an abstract thought and feel your angry tantrums will benefit entire societies!


The argument is God created one woman for Adam, not several. He obviously felt Adam could cope with just the one woman.
Like I stated there is no argument since having more than one wife isn't an injunction but a privilege, trying to clarify your earlier statement won't change the fact of the matter.. we did get your meaning the first time around, question is why the response isn't registering with you?

all the best
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cat eyes
06-08-2010, 07:41 PM
laura you have to think about many things. god made it allowed for a man to take more then one wife because lets say what if a divorced woman or widowed woman could not find a husband? so she is feeling alone so a man whom is already married is willing to take her as a second wife. there is many situations like that believe me.

the second thing is its entirely up to the woman, everybody is different. some muslimahs agrees to it. more don't. in islaam, all these wives are not forced to live in the same house of course. each wife is entilted to her own private apartment. scholars have agreed that the man should be fairly wealthy if he wants to take on more then one wife because its a big responsibility because there has been cases where the man could not do justice with all of them and when you cannot to justice with all your wives, its a major sin. of course this is in every matter not just financial one.

yes there is men who just marry another woman just for sex. this is a sin in islam of course. Allah even speaks about these men. inshallah i will try and find evidence for u on that.
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Snowflake
06-08-2010, 08:20 PM
The best argument against it I read was, and I don't know if it was on here or not was "God made Adam and Eve, not Adam, Eve, Betty and Sarah."
Well God never made Adam, Eve plus baby either. That didn't make it wrong to have children did it? :D
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cat eyes
06-08-2010, 08:43 PM
Q: Why can't women have more than one husband?

A: polyandry (more than one husband) is prohibited in Islam. The Qur'an,Chapter 4 verses 22 to 24 gives the list of women with who a man can not marry. It includes (prohibited from marrying) women already married".


The physiologically and psychologically reasons are:
If a man has more than one wife, the parents of the children born of such marriages can easily be identified. The father as well as the mother can easily be identified. In case of a woman marrying more than one husband, only the mother of the children born of such marriages will be identified and not the father. Islam gives tremendous importance to the identification of both parents, mother and father. Psychologists tell us that children who do not know their parents, especially their father undergo severe mental trauma and disturbances. Often they have an unhappy childhood. It is for this reason that the children of prostitutes do not have a healthy childhood. If a child born of such wedlock is admitted in school, and when the mother is asked the name of the father, she would have to give two or more names! I am aware that recent advances in science have made it possible for both the mother and father to be identified with the help of genetic testing. Thus this point which was applicable for the past may not be applicable for the present.

Man is more polygamous by nature as compared to a woman.
Biologically, it is easier for a man to perform his duties as a husband despite having several wives. A woman, in a similar position, having several husbands, will not find it possible to perform her duties as a wife. A woman undergoes several psychological and behavioral changes due to different phases of the menstrual cycle.
A woman who has more than one husband will have several sexual partners at the same time and has a high chance of acquiring venereal or sexually transmitted diseases which can also be transmitted back to her husband even if all of them have no extra-marital sex. This is not the case in a man having more than one wife, and none of them having extra-marital sex.
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dew of paradise
06-08-2010, 09:31 PM
its dificult to understand 1wife hw u can manage 2!
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Mohamed_Sadiq
06-08-2010, 10:03 PM
Originally Posted by dew of paradise
its dificult to understand 1wife hw u can manage 2!
So i guees polygamy is not for you maybe.
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LauraS
06-08-2010, 10:11 PM
Muslimah 4 life- it was not me that brought Michael Gambon up.

The Vale's Lilly- by using him as an example you seem to suggest men need a second wife to satisfy their needs. That they cheat because they can't have more than one wife and that it is in their nature to do so. Re-read your own post. What I mean by it being morally wrong is exactly what I say, it really isn't hard, for me it is morally wrong to have more than one wife. While I believe there may be genuine reasons for it I also firmly believe that many men would/do take advantage. I watched a programme called "tribal wives" tonight where a woman spent two months living with a nomadic tribe in Turkey. There was a man in the family with two wives, the first wife talked of how it hurts her everyday that he took a second wife (although she's very kind to the other wife) and I notice how the second wife is much much younger....

cat eyes- thanks for the post, I understand those reasons! :) I still don't think I could ever agree with polygamy though. If people are happy then it's up to them, but I'm still sceptical. :\
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جوري
06-08-2010, 10:21 PM
Originally Posted by Mohamed_Sadiq
So i guees polygamy is not for you maybe.
It isn't for many people.. I think you need to look at the entire package you are getting, not just a one rose tinted aspect of it..
I think it i admirable under certain circumstances and completely faulty and improper in others..obviously of men today aren't akin to those who have taken down 300 year old empires in a matter of 19 days.. something to consider when one gets that sense of entitlement.. to assess oneself, the situation and be completely in keeping with God's commandments!

as of right now men outnumber women globally:
http://www.poodwaddle.com/clocks2.htm

all the best
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جوري
06-08-2010, 10:26 PM
Originally Posted by LauraS
The Vale's Lilly- by using him as an example you seem to suggest men need a second wife to satisfy their needs.
I can't be made responsible for how you understand or skew your understanding. I brought him up for a couple of points which are: he has two illegitimate children out of wedlock with whatever that entails after his demise, I also brought him up, because his wife is aware of the situation and because he is relatively well known since you have a propensity to often look for some ancillary rudiment on which to fixate!

That they cheat because they can't have more than one wife and that it is in their nature to do so. Re-read your own post.
see above response, I hate to repeat myself!
What I mean by it being morally wrong is exactly what I say, it really isn't hard, for me it is morally wrong to have more than one wife.
you 'saying so' is hardly evidence to turn this into a moral issue, it is nothing but your own feelings that you have shared. And they are worthless in the scheme of things!
While I believe there may be genuine reasons for it I also firmly believe that many men would/do take advantage. I watched a programme called "tribal wives" tonight where a woman spent two months living with a nomadic tribe in Turkey. There was a man in the family with two wives, the first wife talked of how it hurts her everyday that he took a second wife (although she's very kind to the other wife) and I notice how the second wife is much much younger....
Irrelevant. One woman isn't representative of all womankind who happen to be in a polygamous relation any more than 'swingers' represent the other end of that spectrum!

all the best
Reply

Alpha Dude
06-08-2010, 10:35 PM
Monday: Munira
Tuesday: Fatima
Wednesday: Sumaya
Thursday: Halima
Friday: Sabrina
Saturday: Sulekha
Sunday: Aisha
I take it these are the names of all the girls you've ever fancied :p
Reply

LauraS
06-08-2010, 10:39 PM
Originally Posted by τhε ṿαlε'ṡ lïlÿ
I can't be made responsible for how you understand or skew your understanding. I brought him up for a couple of points which are: he has two illegitimate children out of wedlock with whatever that entails after his demise, I also brought him up, because his wife is aware of the situation and because he is relatively well known since you have a propensity to often look for some ancillary rudiment on which to fixate!

see above response, I hate to repeat myself!
you 'saying so' is hardly evidence to turn this into a moral issue, it is nothing but your own feelings that you have shared. And they are worthless in the scheme of things!
Irrelevant. One woman isn't representative of all womankind who happen to be in a polygamous relation any more than 'swingers' represent the other end of that spectrum!

all the best
Wow, you really can twist things, so what exactly were you suggesting about men's "natures" and that some can cope with one wife but others will want more?

You seem to misunderstand the point of the thread, the OP was asking for people's opinions, which I gave by saying "I" thought it was morally wrong. We disagree, you just have to accept that like I accept there are people who agree with polygamy, what you say is equally as worthless in the scheme of things.
Reply

Mohamed_Sadiq
06-08-2010, 10:39 PM
Originally Posted by Alpha Dude
I take it these are the names of all the girls you've ever fancied :p
Loool (shhh don't expose my secrets).
Reply

Ansariyah
06-08-2010, 10:41 PM
Everyone isnt into polygamy tho its halal, some people are quite happy wit 1 spouse, so i dont understand these 'do or die questions'.
Reply

Mohamed_Sadiq
06-08-2010, 10:47 PM
Originally Posted by Yanoorah
Everyone isnt into polygamy tho its halal, some people are quite happy wit 1 spouse, so i dont understand these 'do or die questions'.
True but also your culture can really influence a person to consider polygamy. For instance my culture many practise polygamy specially back home.
Reply

جوري
06-08-2010, 10:50 PM
Originally Posted by LauraS
Wow, you really can twist things, so what exactly were you suggesting about men's "natures" and that some can cope with one wife but others will want more?
1- ? twist things? just because you have a linear type thought process doesn't mean that all others acquiesce to your line of thinking!~
2-As for 'nature' well either look it up in the dictionary or address your queries to those who came up with said statistics!
3- furthermore the Islamic view which I have covered extensively goes beyond the physical satiation and imposes not only a limitation on number but rights that need to be complied with beyond merely bed hopping and sowing a few wild oats!

You seem to misunderstand the point of the thread, the OP was asking for people's opinions, which I gave by saying "I" thought it was morally wrong.
indeed, you have failed to elucidate that point of morality beyond throwing the term around.. morality is concerned between good vs. evil in the sight of God!
Do you need a definition of terms or is the OP propositioning you personally that you feel you had to impose your secular views as if they were the law?
We disagree, you just have to accept that like I accept there are people who agree with polygamy, what you say is equally as worthless in the scheme of things.
What I say is based on facts and data based evidence, what you write is based on emotions and tantrums.. It is easy to distinguish what should be binned and what needs to be reflected on!

all the best
Reply

جوري
06-08-2010, 10:52 PM
Originally Posted by Yanoorah
Everyone isnt into polygamy tho its halal, some people are quite happy wit 1 spouse, so i dont understand these 'do or die questions'.
couldn't agree more.. another useless thread that attracts various gadflies with equally useless opinions!

:w:
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Mohamed_Sadiq
06-08-2010, 10:59 PM
Originally Posted by τhε ṿαlε'ṡ lïlÿ
couldn't agree more.. another useless thread that attracts various gadflies with equally useless opinions!

:w:
There is absolutely nothing wrong with this thread or its topic. I just wanted to get the boys, girls and the non-muslims opinion towards polygamy which i did. For the muslims we will have the same beliefs about polygamy but different opinions for the non-muslims they have their rights to talk about what they think about without any Islamic believes as they don't know everything about Islam so there is no point arguing with a non-muslim unless they go out of boundaries. So i don't see anything bad with what Laura said, its her opinion and her self believes.
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Mohamed_Sadiq
06-08-2010, 11:01 PM
Different cultures and religions have different ethic and moral issues.
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LauraS
06-08-2010, 11:07 PM
Vales Lilly, you have posted very little "data" and evidence. Exactly where is the thread have I posted based on "tantrums", it's you that seems to behave in such childish ways as you immediately become rude when you see something you don't like. I seem to remember another thread that was deleted....

I have never given my opinion as if it was the law, but with you around it seems very hard to give an opinion without getting your head bitten off. I don't know what you took such offence to in the first place. I don't like polygamy, it's my opinion. I said that some people might have genuine reasons but I believe others don't.

I really don't know why you've become so argumentative again. :S
Reply

tango92
06-08-2010, 11:11 PM
Originally Posted by τhε ṿαlε'ṡ lïlÿ
couldn't agree more.. another useless thread that attracts various gadflies with equally useless opinions!

:w:
dont be like that, its good to have fun threads once in a while.

i think more than one wife can be cool, but it is a bit impractical. i couldnt imagine trying to share love between two spouses, come to think of i cant see how im gonna love even one spouse completely. May Allah resolve my Dilemma.

and sisters may not like it but men happen to be quite self sufficient on their own. mostly the reason why men (unfortunately especially muslim men) marry is for physical attraction, unlike girls who also need financial support and much more emotional support. thats why women tend to chase their "true love" yet men wont make a distinstion between between any 2 attractive females. and sure there are sisters like vales lilly out there who woulD probably put men in their place, but alot of men simply see women as trophies.
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Ansariyah
06-08-2010, 11:12 PM
Originally Posted by Mohamed_Sadiq
True but also your culture can really influence a person to consider polygamy. For instance my culture many practise polygamy specially back home.
Don't even get me started on cultures, seriously where do most of our cultures fit in Islam? Hardly no where, Islam permits polygamy but its not something that shud be taken lightly as the Quraan states.

Most cultures who practise polygamy also throw some of their weird practises into the mix, which turns polygamy into other then wat Allah made permissable...In reality an 'ugly thing'. women are honourable, Jannah is beneath the feet of a mother, and yet u find a woman mistreated somewhere in this world, crying out of injustice cause of a man who forgot her rights, while he remembered his 'Oh I can marry 4' right.

It makes u wonder, how do these people sleep at night? knowing they made another human being tear out of suffering they created.
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Alpha Dude
06-08-2010, 11:14 PM
Well from what I have seen, the following is true about polygamy.

Muslim men: Most are interested by the notion of it but wouldn't really pursue it, if push came to shove.

Muslim Women: 90% would not entertain it and would ask for a divorce if their husband sought another wife.

Non-Muslims: Most would consider it unfair against women and unnecessarily backward. Particularly the militant l-word feminazis would be quite vocal against it.

A small percentage of non-muslim guys would be in favour. For obvious reasons.
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purple
06-08-2010, 11:14 PM
I don’t understand Islamic, why a man is not obligated to tell his wife? Can someone please explain this to me?
As for the original question: no. I’m currently seeking a divorce.
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tango92
06-08-2010, 11:16 PM
when you get bored of one wife you might aswell get another.







what? what? :exhausted im just saying :phew
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جوري
06-08-2010, 11:17 PM
Originally Posted by LauraS
Vales Lilly, you have posted very little "data" and evidence.
How much 'data evidence' does your ladyship require to be a believer vs. the hardcore truth of well your personal opinion?
Exactly where is the thread have I posted based on "tantrums", it's you that seems to behave in such childish ways as you immediately become rude when you see something you don't like. I seem to remember another thread that was deleted....
The majority of your posts are tantrum filled.. you have a skewed perception as such it isn't very difficult to understand why you perceive more reasonable posts not only as threatening but rude and in the process meander the topic to your personal feelings as if you haven't dispensed enough of them!
I have never given my opinion as if it was the law, but with you around it seems very hard to give an opinion without getting your head bitten off.
what do you give it as when you label it as 'moral' or immoral?

I don't know what you took such offence to in the first place. I don't like polygamy, it's my opinion. I said that some people might have genuine reasons but I believe others don't.
Again, I have taken no offense and if indeed you'd followed my posts and not only the part you wish to fixate on, you'd have realized that I have posted several things to that avail
1- there is a responsibility involved and that is the role of religion
2- men outnumber the women as of right now
3- it isn't for everyone
4- the men of now a days need to actually assess why it is they are pursuing more than one relationship.. did you miss all that? it is a pity.. you should read before you write!
I really don't know why you've become so argumentative again. :S
you are so funny!

all the best
Reply

Mohamed_Sadiq
06-08-2010, 11:18 PM
Originally Posted by Yanoorah
Don't even get me started on cultures, seriously where do most of our cultures fit in Islam? Hardly no where, Islam permits polygamy but its not something that shud be taken lightly as the Quraan states.

Most cultures who practise polygamy also throw some of their weird practises into the mix, which turns polygamy into other then wat Allah made permissable...In reality an 'ugly thing'. women are honourable, Jannah is beneath the feet of a mother, and yet u find a woman mistreated somewhere in this world, crying out of injustice cause of a man who forgot her rights, while he remembered his 'Oh I can marry 4' right.

It makes u wonder, how do these people sleep at night? knowing they made another human being tear out of suffering they created.
I honestly think culture can affect polygamy, some cultures have Islam into it, I am talking about countries that are 100% muslim not these western countries. Also i know polygamy is not easy there are certain conditions you have to fulfill. For those people that practise polygamy and do not do it properly then Allah is watching them and could get punished for it unless they repent or ask for forgiveness. Allah knows best.
Reply

جوري
06-08-2010, 11:23 PM
Originally Posted by tango92
"true love" yet men wont make a distinstion between between any 2 attractive females. and sure there are sisters like vales lilly out there who woulD probably put men in their place, but alot of men simply see women as trophies.
I think at some point when both genders get past their rose tinted dreams, they tend to view their relationship in a more mature and cultivated light.. and it becomes a partnership than a need for support on the woman's part or a trophy of satisfaction for a man rather a complimentary duo.. I don't think I'd be happy putting my husband to be 'in his place' I simply don't look to that kind of relationship and hope that he in part wouldn't need to be put in place... I hope amongst other things that we'd be friends to one another because believe that is all that will remain after the first year of marriage.. and it is something to think about when pondering if Ms. universe or Ms. world will do for a wife..:)

:w:
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BoredAgnostic
06-08-2010, 11:25 PM
Personally speaking, I'd never agree with something like that.
If a women is okay with her husband having a couple extra wives on the side, then that's her business not mine. *Shrugs*.
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CosmicPathos
06-09-2010, 02:40 AM
I personally wont marry multiple wives but thats because of my weakness: I wont be able to do justice to all of them. I however Islamically support all brothers and sisters who are in polygamous relationships and have the strength to handle these relations according to Islam.

@ Laura: yea finding the right partner by taking her to the bed eh? So you find a possible partner, talk to her find yourself getting more interested, take her to the bed to analyze here there (most men will make their criteria stringent after this point after they have taken the same woman to the bed several times, they realize shes "just" not right for him) and then when all is said and done and everything worked out, you marry her when you are in mid 30s. Right? Thats your conception right? and women seem to be fine with it "hes one real bad boy, I wanna date him"
Reply

Beardo
06-09-2010, 02:44 AM
Originally Posted by mad_scientist
I personally wont marry multiple wives but thats because of my weakness: I wont be able to do justice to all of them.
Same. One is more than enough for me insha-Allah.
Reply

shuraimfan4lyf
06-09-2010, 04:18 AM
1 woman=4 women.

That will suffice inshaAllah...
Reply

LauraS
06-09-2010, 11:04 AM
Originally Posted by τhε ṿαlε'ṡ lïlÿ
How much 'data evidence' does your ladyship require to be a believer vs. the hardcore truth of well your personal opinion?
It was you that claimed you had supported all your posts with data. I don't think it's really needed, when it comes to polygamy I'd say it is more emotion and personal opinion that matters. How the husband and wife feels about it. People may have had affairs, but this doesn't mean they'd necessarily want to marry that person.

Originally Posted by mad_scientist

@ Laura: yea finding the right partner by taking her to the bed eh? So you find a possible partner, talk to her find yourself getting more interested, take her to the bed to analyze here there (most men will make their criteria stringent after this point after they have taken the same woman to the bed several times, they realize shes "just" not right for him) and then when all is said and done and everything worked out, you marry her when you are in mid 30s. Right? Thats your conception right? and women seem to be fine with it "hes one real bad boy, I wanna date him"
It's more than just taking the person to bed to find out if you're compatible. People may spend years in a relationship before they get married because they just don't feel ready for it yet. They may move in together and then find they don't get on as well as they thought. I personally have no problem with realtionships before marriage I think people should be completely comfortable with each other before they decide to spend the rest of their lives together and know they can live together.
Reply

Ğħαrєєвαħ
06-09-2010, 11:20 AM
Originally Posted by shuraimfan4lyf
1 woman=4 women.

That will suffice inshaAllah...
True True!

















Thats what they all say!
Reply

جوري
06-09-2010, 03:20 PM
Originally Posted by LauraS
It was you that claimed you had supported all your posts with data. I don't think it's really needed, when it comes to polygamy I'd say it is more emotion and personal opinion that matters. How the husband and wife feels about it. People may have had affairs, but this doesn't mean they'd necessarily want to marry that person.

.
I think it is futile to expect any form of intelligible communication by your person!
Reply

globalmessage
06-09-2010, 03:21 PM
this is really good
Reply

LauraS
06-09-2010, 04:37 PM
Originally Posted by τhε ṿαlε'ṡ lïlÿ
I think it is futile to expect any form of intelligible communication by your person!
To be honest if you couldn't understand that post it's your intelligence that needs to be questioned....
Reply

Mohamed_Sadiq
06-09-2010, 04:47 PM
^^
Mr. Peace maker is here : Ok girls lets not go off-topic. Continue your arguments through inbox messages or sort out your differences.

Peace is what we want.:shade::exhausted
Reply

Lynx
06-09-2010, 07:12 PM
if everyone in the situation agrees then whatever floats their boat.

if not then whoever is opting for another wife/husband is being unfair.
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LauraS
06-09-2010, 07:43 PM
Originally Posted by Mohamed_Sadiq
^^
Mr. Peace maker is here : Ok girls lets not go off-topic. Continue your arguments through inbox messages or sort out your differences.

Peace is what we want.:shade::exhausted
lol! Sorry, we'll stop ruining your thread now. :D

Lynx- I suppose that just sums it up really! I don't agree but if everyone is truly happy with it then it's up them I suppose.
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جوري
06-09-2010, 08:45 PM
Originally Posted by LauraS
To be honest if you couldn't understand that post it's your intelligence that needs to be questioned....
yawn!................................
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Somaiyah
06-09-2010, 09:00 PM
Assalamo alaykom,

I don't find polygamy bad, but I don't find it necessary either. A man should be satisfied with one wife, he doesn't really need one, two or three more. But if he wants to, then who am I to say against?

The problem is that if I was married and my future husband wanted a second wife, I would probably loose all love and trust in him and get a divorce because I can't stand him. It's not because of the second wife itself, it's about loosing everything for him because I can't stand the feeling of sharing husband. Just like he wouldn't stand the feeling if I had two husbands. It's not legal to have two husbands, and it would be stupid, but the feeling are the same. And I believe that the jealousy and everything that makes us say no to polygamy is something we need to fight. But since polygamy is "just" sunnah, and not necessary at all, and only the men who can do it totally justice between the wife can marry more than one woman. But for what reason, I wonder? To be able to do fun things with more than one wife more often than one wife would feel for? What reason is that?

So I believe that men who actually consider more than one wife, should also consider their real intentions for it and how strong his feelings for the first wife is if he cares about her opinion or not. Because every deed and intention will be in our books at the Day of Judgment.
Reply

S_87
06-10-2010, 09:48 AM
people live together and have kids before they make this decision..so with the kids they are joint for life. then they take the plunge and get married after living together and finding compatibility, yet the divorce rates are still high?
doesnt make sense

in any case, polygamy is totally permissable, some men can others cant, some men do it right others do it wrong, some men want to but cant so opt for multiple mistresses.
Reply

Asiyah3
06-10-2010, 11:39 AM
Originally Posted by Lynx
if everyone in the situation agrees then whatever floats their boat.

if not then whoever is opting for another wife/husband is being unfair.
Yeah, and al-hamdulillah there's divorce available.
Reply

Mohamed_Sadiq
06-10-2010, 01:45 PM
Originally Posted by **muslimah**
Yeah, and al-hamdulillah there's divorce available.
Lol, good answer but you should never rush for divorce. Thats my opinion btw.
Reply

PouringRain
06-10-2010, 01:46 PM
Originally Posted by amani
people live together and have kids before they make this decision..so with the kids they are joint for life. then they take the plunge and get married after living together and finding compatibility, yet the divorce rates are still high?
doesnt make sense
:) Divorce rates are even higher for couples who live together before marriage.
Reply

CosmicPathos
06-10-2010, 04:11 PM
Originally Posted by J Aaliyah
Assalamo alaykom,

I don't find polygamy bad, but I don't find it necessary either. A man should be satisfied with one wife, he doesn't really need one, two or three more. But if he wants to, then who am I to say against?

The problem is that if I was married and my future husband wanted a second wife, I would probably loose all love and trust in him and get a divorce because I can't stand him. It's not because of the second wife itself, it's about loosing everything for him because I can't stand the feeling of sharing husband. Just like he wouldn't stand the feeling if I had two husbands. It's not legal to have two husbands, and it would be stupid, but the feeling are the same. And I believe that the jealousy and everything that makes us say no to polygamy is something we need to fight. But since polygamy is "just" sunnah, and not necessary at all, and only the men who can do it totally justice between the wife can marry more than one woman. But for what reason, I wonder? To be able to do fun things with more than one wife more often than one wife would feel for? What reason is that?

So I believe that men who actually consider more than one wife, should also consider their real intentions for it and how strong his feelings for the first wife is if he cares about her opinion or not. Because every deed and intention will be in our books at the Day of Judgment.
I am gonna be blunt here. So brace yourself.

The bolded part. How do you think so? Can you think better than Allah? Of course not. Does Allah knows men more or you as a woman know men more? Allah swt has allowed a man to marry multiple wives for whatever halal reasons he has provided he does justice of time, money etc with them. Love is not part of this justice. He might love one wife more than other, example of Ayesha (ra) is clear.

Equating sharing a husband with sharing a wife, what analogy is that? Allah has allowed the former, not the later. No logical reasoning can make the former wrong, at least for a Muslim.
Reply

cat eyes
06-10-2010, 04:29 PM
Originally Posted by mad_scientist
I am gonna be blunt here. So brace yourself.

The bolded part. How do you think so? Can you think better than Allah? Of course not. Does Allah knows men more or you as a woman know men more? Allah swt has allowed a man to marry multiple wives for whatever halal reasons he has provided he does justice of time, money etc with them. Love is not part of this justice. He might love one wife more than other, example of Ayesha (ra) is clear.

Equating sharing a husband with sharing a wife, what analogy is that? Allah has allowed the former, not the later. No logical reasoning can make the former wrong, at least for a Muslim.
ok bro im sure the sister did not mean she believes she knows better then Allah. she was just giving her opinion :)

i think that this thread is getting a little controversial now and think its attracting shayytan also.

its best that it should be closed. sorry mohammad.
Reply

Predator
06-10-2010, 04:58 PM
There is this hadith that the female population would be higher in the end times ,

Anas ibn Malik said, "I shall tell you a hadith which I heard from the Messenger of Allah, and which no-one will tell you after me. I heard him say, 'Among the signs of the Hour will be the disappearance of knowledge and the appearance of ignorance. Adultery will be prevalent and the drinking of wine will be common. The number of men will decrease and the number of women will increase until there will be fifty women to be looked after by one man.' " This hadith was reported in the two Sahihs from the hadith of 'Abd Rabbihi

What would these kaafirs do with the surplus women then

I cant why Kaafirs are filled with double standards and hyprocisy and have no problem legalising unnatural acts such as homosexuality but do not legalize polygamy which is a natural act .
Reply

Mohamed_Sadiq
06-10-2010, 05:02 PM
Lool cat eyes I know what you mean. As i said at the before this topic is a hot-topic with loads of strong opinions. But insha allah i am hoping that everyone will not go over the top. I mean polygamy is one of the sunnah and prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) did himself. So its always good talk about the sunnah especially with people becoming westernised and losing their roots. But insha allah everything will be khair.

If the other post become bad after this, then I welcome the thread to be closed but at the moment I don't see anything bad. Jazakallah
Reply

Somaiyah
06-13-2010, 03:07 PM
Originally Posted by mad_scientist
I am gonna be blunt here. So brace yourself.

The bolded part. How do you think so? Can you think better than Allah? Of course not. Does Allah knows men more or you as a woman know men more? Allah swt has allowed a man to marry multiple wives for whatever halal reasons he has provided he does justice of time, money etc with them. Love is not part of this justice. He might love one wife more than other, example of Ayesha (ra) is clear.

Equating sharing a husband with sharing a wife, what analogy is that? Allah has allowed the former, not the later. No logical reasoning can make the former wrong, at least for a Muslim.
I don't know why using this way of saying what you wish?

I haven't claimed that I know better than Allah sobhano wa ta'ala. I was explaining that my point of view is that it is not necessary, and the sentence "then who am I to say against" was pointing at the fact that Islam allows polygamy and that I have nothing to do with how other live their lives.

In fact I don't find polygamy bad at all as long as it is well handled.
Reply

Rhubarb Tart
06-14-2010, 03:07 PM
Does the man have to tell his wife whether he is married or tell his wife that he has a second wife?
I was hoping most scholars would say it would be respectful for the husband to tell his wife. A bomb would explode if she finds out. And is she even entitled to a divorce?
Reply

cat eyes
06-14-2010, 03:28 PM
he is meant to tell his wife but hes not meant to ask permission from his first wife because Allah allowed it however she must know if he did not bother tell her and keep it a secret that would say alot about his character:Evil:
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LauraS
06-14-2010, 07:00 PM
I think it would be a bit rude if he didn't ask permission! Even if he was completely open about the whole thing the wife would be a bit miffed at not being asked.
Reply

cat eyes
06-14-2010, 07:19 PM
Question and Answer Details



Name of Questioner
Jamal - Saudi Arabia
Title
Going for Second Marriage: Do I Need Wife’s Permission?
Question
Dear sheikh, As-Salaam `Alaykmu wa Rahamtu Allah wa Barakatuh. Does the husband need the first wife’s permission to have a second wife? Jazakum Allah khayran.
Date
30/Jul/2002
Name of Counsellor
Muhammad Saleh Al-Munajjid
Topic
Marriage, Polygamy, Marital relationships



Answer


Wa`alykum As-Salamu Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh.

In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.

All praise and thanks are due to Allah, and peace and blessings be upon His Messenger.

Dear questioner! Thanks a lot for your question and the interest you show in having a clearer view of the true teachings of Islam. May Allah help you get the right understanding and stand firm on the Straight Path! Amen!

In Islam, marriage is a solemn contract for which the Shari`ah lays down rules and arrangements to guarantee its stability. Though Islam permits man to have more than a wife, it stipulates that certain conditions are to be met in this regard, for Islam’s main focus is on building a stable marital life.

Answering your question, Sheikh M. S. Al-Munajjid, a prominent Saudi Muslim lecturer and author, states:

“If a man is able to take a second wife, physically and financially, and he can treat both wives in a just manner, and he wants to, then he is allowed to do so according to Islam. Allah says, “Then marry (other) women of your choice, two or three, or four.” (An-Nisa’: 3)

It is well known that women are by nature jealous and reluctant to share their husband with other women. Women are not to be condemned for this jealousy, for it existed in the best of righteous women, the wives of the Companions, and even in the Mothers of the Believers. But women should not let jealousy make them object to that which Allah has permitted, and they should not try to prevent it; a wife should allow her husband to marry another woman for this is a kind of cooperating in righteousness and piety.

The first wife’s consent is not a prerequisite for a man to take another wife. The Standing Committee for Issuing Fatwas was asked about this and replied as follows:

It is not obligatory for the husband, if he wants to take a second wife, to have the consent of his first wife, but it is good manners and kindness to deal with her in such a manner that will minimize the hurt feelings such thing might produce. So it’s incumbent on the husband to be kind to his wife, discuss the matter with her in a gentle and pleasant manner, and this should be coupled with spending whatever money may be necessary in order to gain her acceptance of the situation.”

Excerpted, with slight modifications, form: www.islam-qa.com

So in the light of the above, it’s clear that the matter is not just having a right to do so, it’s how you use that right. As we have said in many fatwas how Islam caters for the rights of women, men should not tamper with rights that Islam made inalienable to women, part of which is to respect their humanity. They are not property that can be done with at any time without any consideration; women are life partners.



Allah Almighty knows best.

















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so as you can see it would be a little silly to ask permission from a human for something god has made allowed because if that was the case then we would have to ask permission from humans in every issue that god has made allowed and we'd end up following man made laws.:heated: and Allah knows best.
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LauraS
06-14-2010, 08:34 PM
Originally Posted by cat eyes
It is not obligatory for the husband, if he wants to take a second wife, to have the consent of his first wife, but it is good manners and kindness to deal with her in such a manner that will minimize the hurt feelings such thing might produce. So it’s incumbent on the husband to be kind to his wife, discuss the matter with her in a gentle and pleasant manner, and this should be coupled with spending whatever money may be necessary in order to gain her acceptance of the situation.”
No offence, but it just sounds a bit patronising to me. I respect the fact that they must handle it all sensibly and compassionately but it feels like they're being spoken of like children jealous of a new sibling coming along. :\ If people are equal in marriage then shouldn't they discuss getting a new wife and not just say it's the man's decision? What if it's not the best thing for the woman and they end up having loads of arguments once the new wife arrives? Not every woman might be able to handle another one sharing her husband whether Allah says she should accept it or not. As I mentioned earlier one Islamic scholar on a site said he didn't even need to tell his new wife that he was already married.
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aadil77
06-14-2010, 08:42 PM
I've heard of couples where the first wife finds a second wife for the husband and that way they all get along happily, I think it sounds amazing
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cat eyes
06-14-2010, 09:14 PM
Originally Posted by LauraS
No offence, but it just sounds a bit patronising to me. I respect the fact that they must handle it all sensibly and compassionately but it feels like they're being spoken of like children jealous of a new sibling coming along. :\ If people are equal in marriage then shouldn't they discuss getting a new wife and not just say it's the man's decision? What if it's not the best thing for the woman and they end up having loads of arguments once the new wife arrives? Not every woman might be able to handle another one sharing her husband whether Allah says she should accept it or not. As I mentioned earlier one Islamic scholar on a site said he didn't even need to tell his new wife that he was already married.
no offence taken. it was an issue that bothered me before taking the step to revert to islam but when belief entered my heart, i didn't care at all. of course it did not happen over night.. gradually as my belief in islam grew stronger. this became a very minor issue and began to think that i don't really know why it bothered me in the first place.

its not easy to support two women remember that lol there is loads of men that are happy with just one and taking on another would be a complete and utter headache. its very easy for a man who is not married to say that he wants two women lol the reality of it is very different.

my own personal feeling on it is if the man was rich, sharing husband would not be difficult because id be enjoying the other luxuries hes giving me so id be happy enough.

im not a gold digger:D but just giving one example of how id feel about it.
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Abu Zainab
06-14-2010, 09:31 PM
Originally Posted by мυѕℓιмαн 4 ℓιfє
True True!
Thats what they all say!
Hunh !! You mean everybody's hiding their other three wives in the closet? Where do they get all these females from anyway? I never thought that the ratio of women to men was THAT large!

Jokes aside...there are certain situations where it becomes absolutely necessary to look for another wife. Polygamy is not something new and Islaam certainly did not 'invent' it. Actually Islaam restricted the number to four. And polygamy comes with its own rules...its not for the faint hearted. You have to be just and treat all of them equally.
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Ğħαrєєвαħ
06-14-2010, 09:35 PM
Originally Posted by Imraan
Hunh !! You mean everybody's hiding their other three wives in the closet? Where do they get all these females from anyway? I never thought that the ratio of women to men was THAT large!
That was a joke? :-\
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Abu Zainab
06-15-2010, 02:37 AM
Originally Posted by мυѕℓιмαн 4 ℓιfє
That was a joke? :-\
What I meant was that its a misconception that all Muslim men are willing or trying to get another wife. Most if not all would want a stable marital life with one wife. Since you said "Thats what they all say!" I took it that you believe that all men wish to get the maximum allowed number of wives. LOL... No offense intended!
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Lynx
06-15-2010, 03:38 AM
Its not easy to support two women remember that lol there is loads of men that are happy with just one and taking on another would be a complete and utter headache. its very easy for a man who is not married to say that he wants two women lol the reality of it is very different.
you know, what you just said makes me wonder how many men there have been who thought they could deal between 4 wives properly but failed instead. although i like Islam's stance on a lot of things socially and morally, this is one rule that has so many negative implications no matter which way i see it.
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Ğħαrєєвαħ
06-15-2010, 12:30 PM
Originally Posted by Imraan
What I meant was that its a misconception that all Muslim men are willing or trying to get another wife. Most if not all would want a stable marital life with one wife. Since you said "Thats what they all say!" I took it that you believe that all men wish to get the maximum allowed number of wives. LOL... No offense intended!
Actually i didnt even know what i meant, lol

I was just being random as always :-\ InshaAllaah forgive me if i made you think something else

Not offended!
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