format_quote Originally Posted by
truemen
:sl: to all
I want to discuss one of my problem with you .
Actually , I donot have any self confidence and a very very coward men. I am above 25 and live with my parents.
I hesitate too much meeting new people , and feel very fear while tallking to new people.
Currently , my mother is planning to marry me and I too want to marry but the problem is as i the marriage will be totally arranged and when ever i think of how might my wife be with me and how all thing will go , i have to make realtionship with new people i feel so tense and nervouse that i fall sick , its almost like a fever and due to tension i cannot eat properly.
I donot know why i feel soo tense in this situation (by the way i also feel the same tense while doing some ohter things too).
I donot know how to over come my tense and fear.
Please also pray for me that Allah will help me and give me courage.
Asalaamu Alaikum Wr Wb, jazakallah khayr for sharing your issue with us. My brother it is clear that you suffer from some type of anxiety attacks when in public or social situations. Know that you are not alone in this and there are treatments available for your condition. I would urge you to go to a counsellor and psychologist preferrably Muslim to discuss these your issues and they can help you inshallah.
Sheikh Ahmad Kutty gives some advice about overcoming anxiety and worry and states:
Anxiety and worry can be overcome by seeking refuge in Allah through consistency in dhikr. As Imam Ibn Al-Qayyim has pointed out, dhikr entails manifold benefits, the most important of which is that it brings us closer to Allah while keeping us away from Satan, who whispers all kinds of thoughts and suggestions in our minds and hearts. The next most important benefit of dhikr is that it removes all feelings of grief, worry, and anxiety from our hearts and bestows on our souls true serenity, joy, peace, and bliss. Allah says, ( Those who believe and whose hearts find tranquility in the remembrance of Allah. Lo, it is in the remembrance of Allah that hearts find tranquility)
(Qur’an: Ar-Ra`d 13:28).
We also read that the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) used to look expectantly towards Prayer (being the perfect means of dhikr) as the true source of bringing joy to the heart. He said, “The true joy of my heart is in Prayer.” It is also worth remembering that, according to Islam, Allah alone is the Ultimate Source of Peace; His name is As-Salam.
Therefore, I advise you to practice dhikr consistently so that it becomes your second nature. This can be achieved through consistency: The first step is to be diligent in performing your salah consistently and regularly at the appointed times, while being fully awake and mindful of the meanings and feeling the true spirit of it. Second, condition yourself to turn to Allah always in du`aa' (suplication) and istighfar (seeking Allah's forgiveness). An excellent way of establishing consistency in dhikr is by forcing yourself to say and meditate on the power words such as the following:
"Subhan Allah wa bihamdihi subhan; Allahi al-`azheem"
(glory be to Allah, and praise be to Him; glory be to Allah the Glorious).
"Subhan Allah wa bi hamdihi `adada khalqihi, wa ridha'a nafsihi, wa zinata `arshihi, wa midada kalimatihi"
(glory be to Allah and praise be to Him in a manner that befits the [infinite] number of His creation, and as it pleases Him, and as it befits the true weight of His throne as well as His infinite knowledge).
Furthermore, condition yourself to read the following du`aa' on a regular basis as they have been prescribed by the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) for repelling anxieties and gaining serenity and peace. You are best advised to read them an odd number of times (preferably three) in the mornings as well as at night prior to retiring to bed:
La ilaha illa Allahu al-`azheem al-haleem; la ilaha illa Allahu, rabbu al-`arshi al-`azheem, la ilaha illa Allahu, rabbu as-samawati wa al-ardi wa rabbu al-`arshi al-kareem
(There is no god but Allah, the Glorious, the Clement; there is no god but Allah, Lord of the mighty throne; there is no god but Allah, Lord of the heavens and the earth, and Lord of the noble throne).
Allahumma inni (if you are male say: `abduka wa ibn `abdika ibn amatika; if you are female say: amatuka wa bintu `abdika wa bintu amatika), nasiyati bi yadika madin fiyya hukmuka `adlun fiyya qada’uka as’aluka bi kulli ismin huwa laka sammayta bihi nafsaka aw anzaltahu fi kitabika aw `allamtahu ahadan min khalqika aw ista’tharta bihi fi `ilm al-ghaybi `indaka an taj`ala al-Qur’ana rabi`a qalbi wa nura basari wa jila’a huzni wa dhahaba hammi
(O Allah, I am Your servant, son/daughter of Your servant, my forelock is under Your firm grips, Your decree in my case is sure to be realized, and Your judgment is just. I ask of You by invoking every single name that You possess, with which You have called Yourself, or You have revealed in Your scripture or You have instructed any of Your creation or You have kept hidden with Yourself in the knowledge of the unseen realities to make the Qur’an the spring of my hearts, light of my eyes, and dispeller of my grief and remover of my anxieties).
Ya hayyu ya qayyumu bi rahmatika astaghithu
(O the Ever-Living, the Eternal Source of all beings! I beseech Your mercy and assistance).
Here are also more resources for you to help you with your condition inshallah:
25 Ways to Deal with Stress and Anxiety
http://www.soundvision.com/info/peace/stresstips.asp
Islam's Treatment for Anxiety and Worry
http://maseeh1.tripod.com/advices7/id150.htm
I pray Allah improves your condition. This is a test for you so never ask Allah "why me" but accept it and remain patient and steadfast and Allah is with those who are patient and the reward of patience is Jannah.
and Allah knows best in all matters