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SN1
06-21-2010, 09:01 PM
To cut the long story my wife lives in Pakistan, she is 21 I am 27. Apparently I am rude/arrogant, well not to my wife but her family and everyone else basically. I am sick and tried of this, me and my wife don't talk much due to her being in Pakistan and me being here, I've found that I have started to drink alot, and then do things which I don't even remember I did.

I don't know what is wrong with me, I feel like going to my wife and crying in her arms I have this thing on my heart it brings terror and fear to me, and I want it to go away. I want to be OK without this terror, I am feeling suicide because of it. I need to convince my family to let me to go Pakistan....

But my family does not agree, since they don't trust me, they think I will go there and end up drinking (which I had done in the past) my wife is not supporting of me to come either, and I am so sick right now, I want to fix my life up, I need to hug my wife I want this thing to go away. I am so terrorized, honestly it is so much fear and anxiety, I feel I want to die. I can honestly say if anyone else was in my position they would have killed themselves.

But no one knows about my problems, not even my wife I hide them.
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glo
06-21-2010, 09:04 PM
Why can't your wife comes to live with you?
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SN1
06-21-2010, 09:07 PM
Stupid visa issue, she is actually 20, she turned 21 in november and by that time the gov will have a new rule, in that the wife has to pass English text, she lives in a villages and does not speak English. I don't know what I am going to do.
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h-n
06-21-2010, 09:15 PM
If can't live here then how are you going to cope being alive for an eternity in the next? So of course at least you understand that it is your problems that are making you unhappy about living, not about what Allah has provided you with, but acknowledging them is the first step in sorting them out.

Sometimes you have to push on regardless of how you feel, because if you just think about being depressed then it does not help you to get better, or get any work done, or to do what you have to do. I would set your priorities and sort yourself out, and be determined not to be as you were yesterday, remember Allah much to help you not to go back and lived as you have done. Be determined to take a step forward and not go back.
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Masuma
06-21-2010, 09:56 PM
Originally Posted by SN1
To cut the long story my wife lives in Pakistan, she is 21 I am 27. Apparently I am rude/arrogant, well not to my wife but her family and everyone else basically. I am sick and tried of this, me and my wife don't talk much due to her being in Pakistan and me being here, I've found that I have started to drink alot, and then do things which I don't even remember I did.

I don't know what is wrong with me, I feel like going to my wife and crying in her arms I have this thing on my heart it brings terror and fear to me, and I want it to go away. I want to be OK without this terror, I am feeling suicide because of it. I need to convince my family to let me to go Pakistan....

But my family does not agree, since they don't trust me, they think I will go there and end up drinking (which I had done in the past) my wife is not supporting of me to come either, and I am so sick right now, I want to fix my life up, I need to hug my wife I want this thing to go away. I am so terrorized, honestly it is so much fear and anxiety, I feel I want to die. I can honestly say if anyone else was in my position they would have killed themselves.

But no one knows about my problems, not even my wife I hide them.
Brother your doing an act which I totally abhor. If you wanted to live somewhere else then why marry at all?

There are many more things to a marriage than a person can think of!
Husband and wife are soul mates who are there for each other for better or for worse! They are like full time partners. They console each other in sorrow and share the happiness together which Allah has bestowed on them. But living far away from your wife deprives you and her from this lovely aspect.

And marriage also has something very important, i.e satisfying each others sexual needs. But living far away again deprives a husband and wife from this important part.

I read in some thread here that if a husband is not satisfying the wife's sexual needs, then she can very well ask for a divorce. (needs to be confirmed...)

Allah knows how important this is. It maintains the modesty in society. And people who claim that they don't feel any such need, needs to go to a doctor.

So all this and much more is included in marriage. You got to go back to her, or call her to where you live. This is the only solution.

And Allah knows best.
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Masuma
06-21-2010, 09:58 PM
Originally Posted by SN1
Stupid visa issue, she is actually 20, she turned 21 in november and by that time the gov will have a new rule, in that the wife has to pass English text, she lives in a villages and does not speak English. I don't know what I am going to do.
Yo brother! Speaking English is not a big deal!!!

make her join some English course classes and inshAllah she would master it all! What is worrying you then?
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Ummu Sufyaan
06-22-2010, 01:20 AM
:sl:
as long as you know you have a clear conscious, don't take bar of what people tell you. sometimes people like t say hurtful things to you out of jealously, just for the sake of it, and just to make you feel belittled.

stop drinking, start getting religious so that your wife can feel safe and that she is secure when she moves in with you. you ought to count your blessings that her family gave her away to if this is what you do.

prove to your family you can be trusted and regain their trust.

don't get too emotional about this to the extent that it leads you to mope around and make excuses for yourself. just pull yourself together and start working on change.

if you want your life to turn around, start working, life isn't going to change itself.. all this takes strong determination and resolve and a little bit of effort and persistent. it wont change overnight but with a little bit determination, enthusiasm and progress inshalllah things will look up. just remember that life wont change itself.
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Hamza Asadullah
06-27-2010, 07:26 PM
Originally Posted by SN1
To cut the long story my wife lives in Pakistan, she is 21 I am 27. Apparently I am rude/arrogant, well not to my wife but her family and everyone else basically. I am sick and tried of this, me and my wife don't talk much due to her being in Pakistan and me being here, I've found that I have started to drink alot, and then do things which I don't even remember I did.

I don't know what is wrong with me, I feel like going to my wife and crying in her arms I have this thing on my heart it brings terror and fear to me, and I want it to go away. I want to be OK without this terror, I am feeling suicide because of it. I need to convince my family to let me to go Pakistan....

But my family does not agree, since they don't trust me, they think I will go there and end up drinking (which I had done in the past) my wife is not supporting of me to come either, and I am so sick right now, I want to fix my life up, I need to hug my wife I want this thing to go away. I am so terrorized, honestly it is so much fear and anxiety, I feel I want to die. I can honestly say if anyone else was in my position they would have killed themselves.

But no one knows about my problems, not even my wife I hide them.
Asalaamu Alaikum Wr Wb, jazakallah khayran for sharing your issue with us. My brother firstly know that you are only causing grief by your own actions. You should know that alcohol is the mother of all evils and if a persopn dies whilst in the state of intoxication then they die a disbeliever. Do you really want to take this risk? Is it worth having a drink and risking eternity in Hell?

Brother there is no reason for you to lower yourself and drink alcohol. Are you not ashamed that your mother,family, wife and her family all know that you drink? How do you expect them to act when they know that you drink? If you don't change yourself then why should others change towards you?

You do what is best for you right now and that is to stop drinking immediatley and turn towards Allah in repentance. Sincerely repent that you will never touch the drink again. The drink causes one to act like an animal and that is why your attitude and behaviour has been terrible. If you want to progress in life then you stop drink immediatley. Go towards Allah and realise that your life here is only a very short while. You cannot risk dying whilst intoxicated.

If you continue like this then how do you expect for things to go your way? You know what to do to turn your life around so do it NOW not tomorrow for you may not have a tomorrow. After that go towards Allah and you will find peace, solace, contentment and happiness you never imagined. Everything will start to click into place i promise you. Allah is wanting you clsoe to him so walk towards Allah and Allah will run towards you.

and Allah knows best on all matters
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