Step Children

[nousername]

I've heard that when a divorced Muslimah with children gets remarried, she has to give away her children to her family or her ex-husband :( Is this true? it seems so unfair to me. I love my child from my first marriage so much and I got remarried and my husband is mashaAllah such a great stepfather. He is from Egypt originally and i guess it's not so common their to have stepchildren so he was afraid he wouldn't be a good stepdad but alhamdullah he and my son have bonded so well.

So is it true that divorced Muslimahs either have to be lonely for the rest or their lives or give away their children if they want to remarry?

[nousername]

bump please someone who is knowledgeable answer

[Seek]

I'm terribly sorry no one answered this issue.

First thing I want to make clear. Islam is a religion of ease and peace. I don't think it makes sense that Islam promotes misery.

Regarding the question, it is completely fine for your child to stay with you. On the contrary, it is mustahab(advisable, recommended) that the stepfather to be more kind to them then normal. Because they are away from their biological father and it will make them sad some times.

Their rights toward the stepfather is as if he is their fellow Muslim.

I hope this answers the question.

May Allah help us all.

[nousername]

I'm terribly sorry no one answered this issue.

First thing I want to make clear. Islam is a religion of ease and peace. I don't think it makes sense that Islam promotes misery.

Regarding the question, it is completely fine for your child to stay with you. On the contrary, it is mustahab(advisable, recommended) that the stepfather to be more kind to them then normal. Because they are away from their biological father and it will make them sad some times.

Their rights toward the stepfather is as if he is their fellow Muslim.

I hope this answers the question.

May Allah help us all.

jazakallah khair for your answer :)

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[Rhubarb Tart]

You should ask a scholar. And does your ex husband mind that the children are staying with you and your husband? I would advise you to speak to someone knowledgeable (scholar?), for all I know what you have just have said would be true or it is just culture and hearsay.

[Muslim Woman]

Salaam;

its a must for a father to spend for kids . Also biological father has a right that kids will carry his name . Even if kids stays with father , they will be allowed to see mom and the vice versa.

If u remarry , are u sure ur husband and his family will love your kids as much as their own father , grand ma , grand pa love them ?

Take the decision mutually and as already suggested , talk to a Mufti.

[Sarada]

May and your new husband and your child's biological father develop a mutual relationship that is in the best interests of your son.

May the four of you live in harmony for the sake of your son.

[Rhubarb Tart]

I've heard that when a divorced Muslimah with children gets remarried, she has to give away her children to her family or her ex-husband :( Is this true? it seems so unfair to me. I love my child from my first marriage so much and I got remarried and my husband is mashaAllah such a great stepfather. He is from Egypt originally and i guess it's not so common their to have stepchildren so he was afraid he wouldn't be a good stepdad but alhamdullah he and my son have bonded so well.

So is it true that divorced Muslimahs either have to be lonely for the rest or their lives or give away their children if they want to remarry?

:sl:

Did you find the answer to your question sister? Please answer back because I want to know the answer.

I heard this from a non muslim! I wont believe them because I havent heard any scholar say this. This would be unfair. The mother brings up the child to give them away when they are no longer a burden. I tired to research but keep coming across anti -islamic sites. What did the scholar say to you?

I am going to ask my scholar about when children reach age 7.


I heard that once the child reaches age 7 then the father must have him or her. subhalllah! I hope that is not true. :statisfie

[manaal]

I was thinking this maybe because if u had a daughter, your husband, would be a non-mahram to her once she reaches puberty. Since you have a son, I guess that problem doesn't exist.

But if you had a daughter.....we'll have to find out.

[anonymous]

I was thinking this maybe because if u had a daughter, your husband, would be a non-mahram to her once she reaches puberty

:sl:

He would be her mahram.

Allah says, '...your stepdaughters under your guardianship'. The majority of scholars state that the stepdaughter is prohibited in marriage for her stepfather [who consummated his marriage to her mother] whether she is under his guardianship or not.

see here: http://forums.almaghrib.org/showthread.php?t=12951

sometimes I take long to post. But that is because I am double triple quadruple confirming incase I say something wrong. :P

[manaal]

Oh, my mistake then. Thank you pointing that out, anonymous person.

[manaal]

I've heard that when a divorced Muslimah with children gets remarried, she has to give away her children to her family or her ex-husband :( Is this true?
So is it true that divorced Muslimahs either have to be lonely for the rest or their lives or give away their children if they want to remarry?

Yes sister this is true. I asked my cousin who is knowledgable in Islamic matters. She also said that the child can be brought by his/her maternal grandparents as well. But the woman can keep them if she does not re-marry. She said the Fatwa could be found in the Permanent Committee for Scholarly Research and Ifta’ website (www.alifta.net), but I'm finding it difficult to locate it.

It may seem unfair to u, but these are the laws of Islam and we have to follow. Allah has reasons for making them so. And Allah knows best.

[Rhubarb Tart]

:sl:

I found out it depends on what school of thought you follow.


One the other hand, I found another reason why I wont be... well ever put myself in such position. :skeleton:

It does seem extremely unfair like giving birth and bringing up a child means nothing. :heated:

[Muslim Woman]

Salaam Alaykum


If kids stay with father , it does not mean mother has no right over them . She can always see the kids . Normally Judge fixed these matters .

A mother has more right over kids but it does not mean that a father can never have them . Also , it's father's duty to spend for kids .

If father is alive , why put a burden on step father ? How many step fathers would love to spend for step children ?

[Rhubarb Tart]

Obviously this step father doesn't mind (the OP). And the burden wouldn't necessarily be on him as you rightly pointed out that the real father would have to pay of the child maintenance and the mother would have to take care of them.


Can the dad take care of the kid/s when he is going out to work? Isn't better for the child to stay with the mother whilst the father is at work instead of grandparents? why should she be a part time mother? I dont know


Anyway I dont see anything wrong with her arrangement? Is it compulsory to give her son away? And if the real father happy with the current arrangement?


Allah (swt) knows best

[manaal]

Here are some of the related fatawa regarding this matter. But none of them says the child has to be returned to the father. It's upto the child to decide when he reaches the age of seven if the mother does not remarry. If the mother remarries, then the maternal grandmother takes charge. Anyway, better to read and understand it for yourself.

General Presidency of Scholarly Research and ifta'

Islamic sharia council

I kindly request all brothers and sisters to refrain when giving their own opinion about what is wrong and what is right in this matter. We (myself included) have given our opinion as laymen and they some have proven to be wrong, which will be understood once the fatawas are read. This is a good lesson to us all.

[Muslim Woman]

Salaam Sis

So is it true that divorced Muslimahs either have to be lonely for the rest or their lives or give away their children if they want to remarry?

why lonely ? Has she passed the child bearing age ?

Your ex husband wants to keep his son with him but your son prefers to stay with u and step dad ? Anyway sis , talk to a Mufti and a Muslim lawyer . Try to settle down the matter on the basis of Sharia.

Sometimes couple fight over kids and other issues out of pride and ego problem complicates the matter. Don't let this happen in ur case .

I request all Muslims not to make any negative comments about the Islamic laws. It may take us out of Islam . Allah is our Creator and He Knows what is best for us. So , better to declare Shahada if u willingly / unwillingly made bad remarks about Sharia laws.

[Rhubarb Tart]

:sl:

At first I understood as the child having a say in the matter once they reach a certain age. But in turns out that the mother has to give the child away in any given age if she re-marries.

Apart from fatwa, does anyone have proof from hadith and Quran?

It so easy for us to have a say, it does seem unfair though. Some clarification and explanation on this matter is needed.

I guess the kufur was correct in what she said. And there was me thinking it she was incorrect.

Is it true when the child reaches age 7 for boys and puberty for girls, the mother has to give her child away to the dad?I havent seen anyone answer this question which pretty much relevant to me.

Any articles about child custody?

[Rhubarb Tart]

no worries found the sources.

[Ummu Sufyaan]

wa alaykum us-Salaam

:sl:
[...]

It so easy for us to have a say, it does seem unfair though. Some clarification and explanation on this matter is needed.

[..]

i recall coming across some information about custody in the past that i'll have a look into and pass on... but that may not happen until after Ramadan, inshallah.

ukhtee, i kindly advise you (and i :hmm:) that whatever of the shariah may conflict our personal opinions, that we take it in good stride and have trust in Allah. we must have the conviction in Allah that His shariah is complete. that's why its called 'Faith.' =)

in one point or another in our lives, we've probably all been in a situation where something/someone's attitude has had a negative impact on us/our iman, but lets not let those type of people drag us down with them as well.

if we see anything that conflicts with our own opinion, its best we take a look at ourselves and rectify our own iman before we disregard anything.

im not sure if i constructed that all very delicately or considerately :hmm:, so my apologies if i caused any offense.

[Rhubarb Tart]

wa alaykum us-Salaam


i recall coming across some information about custody in the past that i'll have a look into and pass on... but that may not happen until after Ramadan, inshallah.

ukhtee, i kindly advise you (and i :hmm:) that whatever of the shariah may conflict our personal opinions, that we take it in good stride and have trust in Allah. we must have the conviction in Allah that His shariah is complete. that's why its called 'Faith.' =)

in one point or another in our lives, we've probably all been in a situation where something/someone's attitude has had a negative impact on us/our iman, but lets not let those type of people drag us down with them as well.

if we see anything that conflicts with our own opinion, its best we take a look at ourselves and rectify our own iman before we disregard anything.

im not sure if i constructed that all very delicately or considerately :hmm:, so my apologies if i caused any offense.

Salam

I agree. Don't know if this is compulsory or not. But I will avoid this every conflicting with me anyways. If it is compulsory, there two option which is to either remarry or don't ever remarry. I stick to the latter.

I knew back of my mind this may true but was hoping it wasn't.

I was thinking though one of advantages stated for polygamy is that the man can marry divorcee, help her and kid/s. When he really cant because the child would go to someone else and he don't even have to pay. So I thinking why do people state as that as one of advantages?

Thank anyways, no you did not offend me.

[manaal]

General Presidency of Scholarly Research and ifta'

Islamic sharia council

May I draw your attention once again to the above two links that give all the info needed i.e. the fatawa related to child custody.

Salam

I agree. Don't know if this is compulsory or not. But I will avoid this every conflicting with me anyways. If it is compulsory, there two option which is to either remarry or don't ever remarry. I stick to the latter.

Even if you do not marry sister, you have to give your child the opportunity to choose which parent he wants to live with, when he reaches the age of 7 (this age though, is not agreed upon by all the imaams). And if you marry, and your mum is living with you, she can take over the guardianship of your child. It's not like u r not allowed to look at or cut off contact with your child.

[Rhubarb Tart]

May I draw your attention once again to the above two links that give all the info needed i.e. the fatawa related to child custody.



Even if you do not marry sister, you have to give your child the opportunity to choose which parent he wants to live with, when he reaches the age of 7 (this age though, is not agreed upon by all the imaams). And if you marry, and your mum is living with you, she can take over the guardianship of your child. It's not like u r not allowed to look at or cut off contact with your child.

My mother is no longer here. And I know that my son would have to choose aged 7 which I don't have a problem because that is only fair. However I'm pretty confident that he would choose me lol. Either way even if he chooses him, I wouldn't a have problem with it. What ever makes him happy.

[Muslim Woman]

Salaam

[QUOTE=sweet106;1362299Any articles about child custody?[/QUOTE]


What age is it suitable for children to live with the father?

Question:

If a child's parents are divorced, at what age is it suitable for child to live with the father?

Answer:



Abdullah bin Ams bin Atas (RA) reported that a woman said: 'O Messenger of Allah. For this is my son, my womb has been a container, my lap has always carried him and my breast has been a feeder. His father now claims to take him away from me'. The Prophet (SAW) replied: 'You are more deserving to keep him as long as you don't marry.' (Ahmad, Abu Dawud).

Abu Huraira (RA) reported that the Prophet (SAWS) has given a lad a choice between his father and his mother. (Ahmad, Ibn Majah, Tirmidhi)

It is reported by Umarah Al-Jasmi (RA) that he said: 'Ali (RA) gave me a choice between my uncle and my mother and I was either seven or eight at that time.' (Al-Baihaqi)


Till the age of seven the mother has the sole right to have the custody of the child if she marries someone who is not related to the child, she loses her right in the custody. If the child were still under seven, he would be given custody of a female (preferably among the mother's relatives like his maternal aunt or grandmother). But if he is above seven, he is no more in need of a woman's care and he is to be in custody of the father.

If the woman did not remarry, the child is given the choice to stay either with the father or mother. Whatever the choice he (the child) takes the other party will not be denied to see the child on a regular basis.


http://www.islamic-sharia.org/childr...-the-fa-2.html

[Rhubarb Tart]

^^^
:sl:

It also depends on what school of thoughts the person follows. I know at least two of them says that you have to give the child away to the father aged seven. It is in the links posted twice by Manaal.

[nousername]

Asalam alaykum all,

Thank you for your posts. I have learned that it depends on the madhab you follow. Malikis for example believe that the kids should always go with the mother. For now, he stays with me and maybe in the future we will have joint custody.

[cat eyes]

[B]

I've heard that when a divorced Muslimah with children gets remarried, she has to give away her children to her family or her ex-husband :( Is this true? it seems so unfair to me. I love my child from my first marriage so much and I got remarried and my husband is mashaAllah such a great stepfather. He is from Egypt originally and i guess it's not so common their to have stepchildren so he was afraid he wouldn't be a good stepdad but alhamdullah he and my son have bonded so well.

So is it true that divorced Muslimahs either have to be lonely for the rest or their lives or give away their children if they want to remarry?

please ask scholar for further information.