format_quote Originally Posted by
zarah1988
Assalamalaikum Br and Sisters
Firstly can I say Jazakallah khair for all your replys :) many many thanks your advice and opinions, means v much to me.
Only just seen the reply's today as I'm looking on some information on bi'dah (different story lol)
Looking back now I cant believe how distressed I was and feel v.emabarrased reading it all back! Since then I DID try again with him explaining what my issues were all I got as usual were Oaths and kasams in Gods name that he didnt have a relationship (blah blah all this seems irrelevant now but I will carry on nontheless) with the other girl and only USED her (about which I always got angry about in the past and didnt believe). I since found out that was true. However, I stopped talking to him. Got messages saying how much he did want to marry me etc. and how he will 'change' (other things going on in his life). But have tried my VERY best to keep steadfast, even though sometimes ended up going into conversations with him to explain my feelings.
Last year in Ramadhan exactly, I started praying the Qu'ran in English and learned a lot and always prayed I would carry on seeking knowledge but most importantly implementing it. However I let myself get immersed into worldly affairs again soon after (astagfirullah). Even though I fell in love with Surat ar-Rahman Surat al-kahf etc. I lost my inner jihad obviously:(
Since all this palaver has been going on Alhamdulillah I've gone back to seeking knowledge and (even before seeing brother Hamza's comments- thanks btw :)) switched my phone off for ramadhan (as I realise how weak I actually am). Cannot be contacted by certain people now.
I'm grateful to Allah SWT that somehow I did get the strength to stop and that I didn't have a physical relationship as such. I've read so many times how fornication is forbidden and haraam, I hope Allah SWT will forgive me and keep me on the right path towards Him and towards Jannah.
I'd like to ask Br and Sisters to please pray for me beacause Im not gonna say my feelings have completely been eradicated only when Im reading my books and praying I will forget. However I cannot seem to erase the fact that I care , as he's so adamant he hasn't done a thing wrong. Maybe thats my punishment. Allah knows best.
He also said he was going to send his family over (this is before I left him) Would it be haraam for me to accept? Obviously I still want something halal...actually if it does reach that stage what I will do is perform Istikhara again :) what do you think?
Feel very happy I found the board and even though my friends have been great at listening, pillars of support and my rocks, Allah SWT is right we wont find a friend bar Him and should put our trust in no-one except Him (I need to strengthen my memory would LOVE to remember which Surat the sayings I remember came from). May Allah SWT put us all on the CORRECT path towards jannah
Anyway Jazakallah Khair again (for listening)
and hope you have a blessed Ramadhan
Asalaamu Alaikum Wr Wb, jazakallahu khayran for sharing your issues with us. Firstly my sister you should thank Allah abundantly for revealing the truth to you about this guy. There are many who don't recieve the truth about who they were going to marry and end up marrying going through miserable lives and end up divorcees. The fact that you got into a relationship in the first place is a major sin and you should continue to repent to Allah asking of him to forgive you. He was very clearly decieving you and he can do the same again. Allah has shown you his true colours so you cannot possibly even think of marrying someone like that.
My sister it is clear that your heart is too soft for him because you had a relationship with him. Just because you had a relationship with him it does not mean that you have to end up marrying him even though you know he is not the right person for you to marry and spend your life with. Therefore you should accept the signs Allah has shown you about him and get rid of him completley from your life. You should not be speaking to him as this is still a major sin. You should cut off all contact with him immediatley and what better time to do so than in Ramadan.
The biggest mistake you made was that you did not change your number. You should change your number immediatley and it will also be like a fresh start for you. Once you change your number then you should ONLY give it to certain people in your life who you feel are good company but you should discard him and any other guy you are in touch with as well as any other bad company as they are poisen for you.
You do not need to be in touch with him to share your feelings with him. He lied to you before and he can easily do it again or who knows he still may be seeing other girls because what is stopping him not to? Therefore sister you must now be strong and firm and know that it is forbidden for you to be in touch with him and any other guy. You should change your number and e mail immediatley and have a fresh start this Ramadan. This is the best time to mae the necessery changes to your life and get closer to Allah. It is Allah who is making your heart inclined towards getting closer to him so take this opportunity and do not let it pass.
Do not chase after this world which is only temporary but chase after the hereafter which is eternal. The person who chases after the hereafter then this world will chase after him but the person who chases this world will only get minimum of what is destined for him but he will losed out to the hereafter. Therefore the person who chases the hereafter will get this world and the next world so will have a win win situation as oppose to lose lose if chasing this world only.
This is our only chance sister for we only have one chance in life so do not waste it. You have wasted enough of your time and energy on this guy but learn from your past and mistakes and move on now concentrating on fulfilling your obligations to Allah and getting closer to him. Learn as much as you can about Islam and join a local sisters circle or group so that you can find good like minded sisters to learn about deen with and talk about Islam etc.
Do not even ever consider someone like that for marriage no matter what he says to you. Do things in the right way when looking for a partner and the best partner is he who wants to do things the right way straight away involving your wali and not wanting to get into a relationship or get to know you for several months. If you do things the right way then Allah will put peace and blessings into your marriage and life with your partner but if you do things the wrong way like you did with this guy then all you will find is anguish and pain.
So my sister let us not waste a second more of this most precious month. Let us do all actions which please Allah and leave all those actions which displease Allah. Establish all of your 5 daily prayers, recite the Qur'an, remember and glorify Allah, learn about Islam and treat your parents and others the best and make dua as much as you can asking Allah for forgiveness, thanking him and asking of him and you will establish a closeness with Allah which feels more amazing than words can ever describe. So put your FULL reliance, hopes, faith and trust in Allah and change your numbers and e mail and let today be a new beginning for you and leave the past behind you.
Alos please remember me in your dua's.
And Allah knows best in all matters