format_quote Originally Posted by
anonymous
:sl:
ok erm i know boyfriend and girlfriend relationships are haraam/wrong, but when my non muslim friend asked me what's the big issue of having a boy/girl friend, why it seems to be a bad thing when its natrural, we all want love and want to be loved? and even if that person want the "right person" we simply move on
...... I wanted to explain it to her ina good way...but i couldnt....how could I explain why its forbidden in islam and not only in Islam, it morally corrupts you aswell? an also that "love" what they see as love isnt real "love", its all fake
thanks in advnce
Asalaamu Alaikum Wr Wb, jazakallahu Khayran for sharing your question with us. Firstly sister you should limit how much you hand around with non Muslims particularly because we are who our friends are and they have different morals, purposes, thinking and perspective to us and who we hang around with will eventually influence us whether we like it or not.
So be friendly towards them and give them dawah in a beautiful manner using wisdom and tact but do not hang around with them too much but instead try to seek out pious and practising sisters. This is very important and who you hang around with will influence you significantly.
Here is a good article that you can show to your friend about Islams perspective on sex and relationships which i have edited and added to:
An Islamic Perspective on Sexuality
In Islam, sexuality is considered part of our identity as human beings. In His creation of humankind, God distinguished us from other animals by giving us reason and will such that we can control behavior that, in other species, is governed solely by instinct. So, although sexual relations ultimately can result in the reproduction and survival of the human race, an instinctual concept, our capacity for self-control allows us to regulate this behavior. Also, the mere fact that human beings are the only creatures who engage in sexual relations once they are beyond the physical capacity for reproduction, sets us apart from all other species which engage in sex for the sole purpose of reproduction.
Marriage
For Muslims, based on an understanding of Qur'an and hadith, sexual relations are confined to marriage between a wife and husband. Within this context, the role of a healthy sexual relationship is extremely important. Having and raising children are encouraged among Muslims. Once a child is born, the parents are expected to care for, nurture and prepare the child for adulthood, with a goal of imparting Islam so that the indivdual is equipped with knowledge and willingness to accept and practice Islam and thus become a productive member of society.
Beyond childbearing, sexual relations assume a prominent role in the overall well-being of the marriage. In reading hadith, one is impressed with the Prophet's ability to discuss all issues including those dealing with human sexuality. The topics range from questions about menstruation to orgasm. He apparently was not embarassed by such inquiries, but strove to adequately guide and inform the Muslims who asked. Both Qur'an and hadith allude to the nature of sexual relations as a means of attaining mutual satisfaction, closeness and compassion between a wife and husband. "Permitted to you on the night of the Fasts is the approach to your wives. They are your garments and you are their garments."
(2:187) Also, Muslims are advised to avoid sexual intercourse during menses so as not to cause discomfort to the woman
(2:222).
The goal of marriage is to create tenderness between two individuals and satisfy the very basic human need for companionship. "And among His signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that you may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between you; in this are signs for those who think."
(30:21) The hadith which address this issue are numerous.
The Prophet himself, while not divulging all aspects of his own sexual life, was known for his nature as a loving husband who was sensitive and physically demonstrative. In several hadith, he speaks about the importance of foreplay and speaking in loving terms during sexual relations. Again, the concept of mutual satisfaction is elucidated in a hadith which advises husbands to engage in acts that enable a woman to achieve orgasm first. (see Ihya ulum-id-din (Revival of Religious Learning) by Imam Ghazzali, chapter on Marriage). Sexual dissatisfaction is considered legitimate grounds for divorce on the part of either wife or husband.
Sex Outside of Marriage
Naturally, attraction between individuals is necessary to initiate a relationship that leads to marriage. But sexual relations can obviously take place between any couple, consenting or not. Because of the far-reaching ramifications of sexual relations outside of marriage, Muslims are prohibited by God from such behavior. And because the process that leads to physical attraction and ultimately intimacy is part of human nature, Muslims are advised to behave in a way and avoid circumstances that could potentially result in extra- or pre-marital sex. Modesty in dress and behavior between women and men figures prominently as a means of exhibiting self-control. Similarly, unmarried couples are admonished against spending time alone in isolated places where they would be more likely to act on their feelings and thus be less inhibited.
Some of the negative results of sex outside of marriage include the potential for unwanted pregnancies, transmission of sexually transmitted diseases, disruption of the family and marriage (in cases of adultery), and emotional and psychological difficulties resulting from the lack of commitment associated with most relationships outside of marriage. As in other religions, extra- and pre-marital sex are considered major sins. Muslims believe that God does not simply forbid or allow behavior whimsically, but does so with our best interest at heart, guiding us away from potentially destructive behavior and towards behavior that allows us to achieve our most fulfilling potentials as human beings. For a similar reason, Muslims give up the consumption of alcohol because of faith in God's wisdom that the negative effects outweigh the positive for individuals and society at large. "Whoever submits his whole self to God, and is a doer of good, has grasped indeed the most trustworthy handhold..."
{(31:22)
Conclusion
Therefore it is clear that God only wants what is best for us humans. Relationships outside of marriage are very destructive and are the cause of so much pain especially because most relationships end in a bad way and also result in those involved getting terribley hurt due to relationships ending because the other person cheated or lead them on. Countless girls and also boys are given false hopes and dreams by their relationship partner just to use them and most of the time they end up getting scarred and even suicidal when they find out they had been cheated on and lead on all along and used. This is what relationships outside of marriage cause and because a person who has these bad experiences feels used they end up becoming promiscuous and not having any respect for themselves or the opposite sex.
Most people always find out later on when they are married that all the relationships they had previously were a waste of time and only caused them pain and anguish for they never felt true love but they felt a strong feeling which they thought was love but it was in fact lust. True love can only be found after marriage and most people who marry can attest to this fact.
Look at the pregnancy rates in the west where even 11 to 12 year olds are having pregnancies. A significant amount of those pregnancies end up in abortion. These are the results of relationships outside of marriage. This situation is only getting worse. Sexually transmitted diseases are at dangerous levels more than ever before also resulting from promiscuous relationships.
Therefore the best solution is to abstain from such relationships and get married in the right and proper way where one can naturally show love to one another knowing that it is for the long term and not just for short term as is with relationships in which there is always a lack of committment and there is nothing to keep the couple with each other and a lot of the time one or both couples become promiscuous seeing other people at the same time. Islam wants the best for mankind and does not allow such destructive behaviour which is terrible for society as a whole.