Help me in regard of marriage

[Flower1111]

:sl: brothers and sisters
i hope i can get good advices inshaAllah from all of you.
My problem is that i am 18 yrs old, living in germany. I know my boyfriend for 1,5 years now and i wud hv already married him if i cud. My parents especially father wudnt let me marry now, he doesnt even know about him. I am going mad, because i know im doing haram by being only with my bf,and unless we marry we cant be together halal way. But wat am i to do, its not my own Khatir if u know wat i mean. But i cant marry now. By the way my father is frm turkish christian background and converted to marry my mom. He isnt a muslim though, he is not practisin deen nor he has the rite beliefs. So it makes me only more angry to see such an ignorant person who knows nothing about islam, forbidding me wat is halal for me. Pls wat to do, i cant also marry without Wali as i know.

[جوري]

sob7an Allah.. tough situation compounded by the fact that your father isn't a practicing Muslim--
usually I'd say you have to follow your parents unless they are asking you for things against religion but what reason does one use with a father who is only Muslim in name? How does your mom feel about this and is it possible for you to go to a local imam or scholar and express your situation see what he has to say or is able to do about this? Is your husband to be at least a practicing Muslim?

:w:

['Abd-al Latif]

So your father is a non-Muslim while you are Muslim, yes?

If this is so then a non-Muslim cannot act as a wali over a Muslim, even if its your father. Your wali has to be a Muslim as one of the conditions of a guardian is that he must be a Muslim.

['Abd-al Latif]

www.islamqa.com

Wali of Muslimah if her parents are kuffaar

Question: Assalaammu'alaikum,
I come from a muslim family and was brought up with Islamic faith. Although, I have been through a stage in my life which I call the "dark stage" of my life, in which I was involved with "jahiliyah" practices for some years (yes, those irresponsible and sinful acts). Alhamdulillah Allah has blessed me with guidance and brought me to His straight path again. Since that time, I have been having a relationship with a christian girlfriend, who Alhamdulillah has accepted Islam just recently, by Allah's will. We plan to be wedded soon after we are settled. One problem is that she comes from a devout Christian family, not to mention her father being a christian priest. Ever since her family found out about our involvement, they have tried almost everything to part us, we haven't told them about my girlfriend's conversion though. Right now, our relationship has reached a point where she is willing to oppose her family and runaway from them eventually. Even though we know it will be hard to go through, my girlfriend and I really love each other. As I understand, the Islamic law requires that in marriage, a woman should be accompanied by a "wali", which to my knowledge, should come from her family. My first question, can our plan to marry without her family's consent be in accordance with Islamic law?
And second, if it can, who can be her "wali?", since not one of her family member agree with our relationship.
Thank you, assalaammu'alaikum.

Answer:Al-hamdu lillaah.

First, I offer thanks to Allaah for his grace in having guided you to the path of truth after experiencing a dark journey through 'jahiliyyah', a journey into ignorance and meaninglessness. Allaah guides to his truth whomever he wills. At this point of your life, as an expression of gratitude for Allaah's blessing, you should carry out your duties towards him and desist from the actions that gain his wrath. In fact, Allaah, at this point in your life, must take priority over everything else. You further ought to make up for what you missed in the previous part of your life, to double your efforts in performing worship and to haste in doing good deeds.

Secondly, since this lady in question has converted to Islam, thanks to Allaah, none of her kaafir family members can act as a guardian (wali) of her interests; no kaafir can act in this capacity over a Muslim. If there is a Muslim with some authority in your area over the affairs of the Muslim community, then he can act in this capacity, based on the Prophet's (peace be upon him) hadeeth:

"No marriage contract can be concluded without the presence of a Wali. A Sultan (authority figure) can act as a Wali for those without one." (see Ibn Majah and Imam Ahmad, Hadith number 1880; also in Salih al-Jaami', hadeeth number 7556.)

If there is no authoritative Muslim person, then one should refer to the community Muslim leader or any Muslim who is just ('aadil), respected, and of high character, such as the director of the Islamic center or its imam, to conclude the marriage contract of this sister, with her consent.

Islam Q&A

Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid

http://www.islamqa.com/en/ref/389

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[جوري]

^^ Jazaka Allah khyran for that.. very informative..(I learn something new everyday)

:w:

[Flower1111]

Thanks for all this informative things. I dont really know if i shd consider myy father kafir though. I mean he converted on paper etc, but wat to say..he doesnt pray or fast, and he drinks alcohol smokes etc, he beliefs in God and Prophets but smhow he believes wrong things that one should follow all prophets etc. at the end i cant really knw wat is in ones heart except Allah knows. So i was thinking few times to just marry behind his back, just tht i get a relief finally tht im not committing sin anymore bybeing in unlawful relationship.and once im bit older and i can tell him i will go and tell him tht i know this man, and i wanna marry. If he accepts then its fine otherwise im already married anyway. Wat do u think about this idea. And ya, my mother is also not happy with my father and me too. He is an ignorant person and aggressive and he isnt understanding us. We suffer very much. Atleast i can admit tht i wish he wud go and never come back. Im so sad to say it but its truth wat can i do about this emotions.. I suffer so much and especially my mother. Wen i listen everythin he did to her and still says to her, i just want to cry becuz i cant take it to knw my mom suffering always. Also she cant divorce him now. as i hv two smaller sisters and my mother is afraid to divorce now tht he wont let us live in peace and will take away my other small sisters. Sorry for this long story which has nothin to do with my actual problem, i just felt i want to tell it smone. Thanks JAzakum Allah Khair
Wa salam

[جوري]

my personal opinion on this is for you to get a college education and your own money, then you can marry the one you want.. I know you are in love everyone is at your age and everyone thinks their love is true and forever (and who knows maybe you are the exception to the rule) but going by popular happenings, if things don't work out or God forbid there are troubled seas you'll have some autonomy and some control over your life so you are not at least trapped in a similar relationship to your mother..
try to find some sisters in your local mosque and get to know them and ask your local imam/scholar for some counseling and religious guidance..

:w:

[Hamza Asadullah]

Thanks for all this informative things. I dont really know if i shd consider myy father kafir though. I mean he converted on paper etc, but wat to say..he doesnt pray or fast, and he drinks alcohol smokes etc, he beliefs in God and Prophets but smhow he believes wrong things that one should follow all prophets etc. at the end i cant really knw wat is in ones heart except Allah knows. So i was thinking few times to just marry behind his back, just tht i get a relief finally tht im not committing sin anymore bybeing in unlawful relationship.and once im bit older and i can tell him i will go and tell him tht i know this man, and i wanna marry. If he accepts then its fine otherwise im already married anyway. Wat do u think about this idea. And ya, my mother is also not happy with my father and me too. He is an ignorant person and aggressive and he isnt understanding us. We suffer very much. Atleast i can admit tht i wish he wud go and never come back. Im so sad to say it but its truth wat can i do about this emotions.. I suffer so much and especially my mother. Wen i listen everythin he did to her and still says to her, i just want to cry becuz i cant take it to knw my mom suffering always. Also she cant divorce him now. as i hv two smaller sisters and my mother is afraid to divorce now tht he wont let us live in peace and will take away my other small sisters. Sorry for this long story which has nothin to do with my actual problem, i just felt i want to tell it smone. Thanks JAzakum Allah Khair
Wa salam

Asalaamu Alaikum Wr Wb, jazakallahu khayran for sharing your issue with us. Firstly my sister we must realsie that relationships outside of marriage are totally forbidden and are without blessings and peace. You will not find prosperity and contentment with such relationships. Therefore you MUST stop all contact immediatley if you want the help of Allah. Stop all contact and repent sincerely asking Allah to forgive you and never repeat such relationships. Yur father being the way he is does not give you any excuse to do what you are doing behind your parents backs. There is no goodness in marrying in secret for the purpose of announcing the nikah is so that people can know you are married so that they do not have suspicions of you. Therefore you should consult with your mother and also have a serious word with your father. Complete your education as sister Vales Lilly mentioned so that you can become more self sufficient and do things in the right way in regards to marriage. You do things in the right way as in do it Islamically meaning no contact without the presence of mahrams. You cannot expect the help of Allah to come to you whilst you are having a haraam relationship. Also a relationship is not a guarantee of marriage and it does not mean that just because you had a relationship with this man that he is best for you to marry and spend your life with. It may be that Allah does not want you to marry him and that is why things are not going your way. But secret nikah is without any blessings so do not do it. I would ask of you to speak to your mother and if you can then with your father and ask of Allah sincerely to do what is best for you.

You should also try and get hold of a local scholar and discuss your situation with him. Know that if it is best then you will amrry him but if it is not then things will not go your way so you must leave it in the hands of Allah and he will do whatever is best for you inshallah.

In regards to your father then know sister that many are in much worse positions and many do not even have families and are adopted. So you should think yourself as lucky and accept the flaws of your father and make sincere dua for him but do not listen to the evil whispers of shaythan who is wanting to cause hatred and resentment in your heart for your father. Will you let your eternal enemy shaythan do this to you? Or will you make a stand and reject the evil whispers of shaythan and practice patience around your father?

Be patient and keep out of his way when you know he is not in a good mood. Try to open up to him at times when you think is best and let him know how you are feeling. Even though this may be hard just do it and you will see a response from your father you never expected. He loves you more than anything but has his own way of showing it.

Just be the best towards him and wish the best for him. Make sincere dua for him and have hope in Allah for reward for your patience. Your reward is with Allah so why not be the best towards him and wish the best for him for the pleasure of Allah? It is between you and Allah not anyone else.

We only have one set of parents in our lifetimes and no matter how they are towards us we MUST be the best towards them and Never even say "uff" to them. We must realise that the way we are towards our parents then Allah will cause our children to be the same towards us. So treat them the best and this is your ONLY chance in your life to gain such HUGE rewards for being the best towards your parents. So grab this opportunity and if you can leave some Islamic books around so that maybe he can grab them for himself and start to read them so that his knowledge of Islam increases and it may be that would cause his imaan to increase for guidance is ONLY in thehands of Allah and he gives it to whom he likes.

and Allah knows best in all matters