format_quote Originally Posted by
Ummu Sufyaan
wa alaykum us-Salaam
- work on your parents first. you need their approval. have a heart-to-heart (conversation) with them and see what the problem as to why they dont want to patch things up. get to the real issue so that it can be resolved and so that you know how to devise a plan as to win them over.
- if your parents agree, next step is to see if the girl is still interested. you can find this out indirectly such as getting your female mahrams to speak to her/her family (on the side: the less people involved the better as to avoid any confusion and risk getting wires crossed and making more of a mess ) or by proposing again. if she is still interested, apologize to her and try to clear up any misconceptions...but this doesn't just take words, she needs to see that you are serious. so get her a gift or at-least do something you feel will get through to her to show her that you really are sorry. trying to convince her may take time, so just be patient.
-dont contact her without her mahrams permission or without them being there. even if you did find out she still likes you, what are you going to get out of it considering neither of our families have given the green light? dont be rash.
Jazakallah Khair sister.
I would like to add few more things:
We were pressing hard for a discussion with the girl's family right from the month of April.
But they were not so interested initially.The girl's parents (and the girl too)were under the impression that I was questioning her character. After a month or so we stopped chasing them and decided to give them time.
Meanwhile I had a brief discussion with the girl over the phone along with her elder brother (conference call).She was very angry with me; which is always good.I believe one would be angry with only those people who really matter to them.So i assumed she still was interested.
After that I never contacted her as I did not want to hurt her more.
As mentioned earlier, after two and a half months I had a discussion with her father.My parents also had an interaction with him.He was more than convinced and in a week's time things were on track again.My family was very happy.
But when we proposed to talk to the girl, her father said that she never had a problem and there is no need of discussion.But when we pressed he just pulled the plug.
My parents got irritated.Actually they are very fond of the girl (I am feeling very guilty of hurting all :( ).
Now that the girl's family has official denied to proceed ahead my parents don't see any point in pursuing it further.
What I feel is, it is her brother who is not ready and all other family members are in a favor.
I was and I am really missing the girl (even though I am not in contact with her for months)and want to be with her.I believe that she is angry but she loves\likes me.I need to confirm it.
What do I do?Should I again speak to them and try to convince?
It would be very embarrassing for me but I am ready to face it for her.
Please help.