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marwen
07-23-2010, 11:14 AM
Ok don't look at me :phew, just answer the question.


I know there is good tips to deal with anger from hadeeth of the prophet Salla Allahu Alayhi wa sallam : like sitting down if your are standing up, or making wudu, etc.
I also want to have other ideas.

Some wise man asked me one question that day : "How old are you when you're angry ?", and you know what, he had a point ! coz sometimes when I'm angry I behave like a 9 year old kid. Anger is really so stupid. That's why the Prophet Salla Allahu Alayhi wa Sallam ordered a sahabi to avoid being angry.

So how you deal with anger ? (no lies ;D)
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marwen
07-23-2010, 11:19 AM
if you have other tips please post them.
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Muslimeen
07-23-2010, 12:36 PM
I think the best way is to just walk away.
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sister herb
07-23-2010, 12:44 PM
I know it is not best way but many times I would just like to break something... :embarrass but I try my best it is not anything expensive.

:phew
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Muslimeen
07-23-2010, 12:47 PM
Originally Posted by sister harb
I know it is not best way but many times I would just like to break something... :embarrass but I try my best it is not anything expensive.

:phew
This is funny I must admit, maybe next time you should try breaking something expensive then hopefully when you get angry again you will remember how it hurt the pocket.
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Asiyah3
07-23-2010, 01:00 PM
I either try to shut up or I walk away to another room. I at times cry when the person who angers me is close to my heart and means a lot to me, like my mother.
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Misz_Muslimah
07-23-2010, 01:36 PM
I try to be quiet ..
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Woodrow
07-23-2010, 01:40 PM
:sl:

We must first understand there are different things labeled as anger. There is righteous anger, which is an emotion we should feel when we see a wrong committed, such as the abuse of a child. This anger should be a goad that prods us into action to correct the wrong.

However, the most common anger seems to be "Self-righteous" anger. We feel somebody has done something that harms our persona. When we identify the cause it turns out it is no different from the anger we felt when we were 3 years old and we ran screaming to our mother "Mommy, Johnny made faces at me!!!" We take this anger as personal and we often lash out at it. The secret is to look closely at things that make us angry and honestly ask our selves. "Is this really worth getting my blood pressure raised to stroke level and making me feel lousy for the rest of the day?" If it isn't just smile and think to your self, "What a jerk."
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glo
07-23-2010, 02:57 PM
When I get angry I try to take time out to reflect on why I am angry, whether I am justified to feel angry or whether the problem actually lies with myself.

The best way I find to do that is to actually remove myself from the situation (by walking away if possible) and to concentrate on something else for a while to give myself thinking space.
I might like to go for a walk or a run, or I might like to sit somewhere quietly to pray or reflect

Often I find that after only a little while the anger subsides and I can see more clearly how best to deal with the situation appropriately and constructively.

I agree with Woodrow that anger can be a positive motivator - but only when we manage to channel the energy into constructive methods.
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PouringRain
07-23-2010, 04:48 PM
It takes a lot to get me angry, and I often hold things in and take it for as long as possible. Like Woodrow and Glo said, it also can depend on what it is that makes me angry/ the type of anger it is. I also try and think if it is something I have done, or if I am overreacting, or if it is justifiable.

Sometime it helps me just to be able to talk about it to someone, and just release it. Then I can feel better and be at peace. It helps just to pray, listen to music that glorifies God, and read scripture. Sometimes if I am very, very angry then I just go and start cleaning. That always helps me feel better just to clean. Sometimes I may just need a good cry in the shower.
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cat eyes
07-23-2010, 04:59 PM
Originally Posted by Woodrow
:sl:

We must first understand there are different things labeled as anger. There is righteous anger, which is an emotion we should feel when we see a wrong committed, such as the abuse of a child. This anger should be a goad that prods us into action to correct the wrong.
yeh bro woodrow Allah said in holy Qur'an he will pardon this type of anger. theres no blame on them.
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Asiyah3
07-23-2010, 05:05 PM
Originally Posted by cat eyes


yeh bro woodrow Allah said in holy Qur'an he will pardon this type of anger. theres no blame on them.
:sl:

Could you please reference the Surah and verse? Jazakiallah.
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cat eyes
07-23-2010, 05:33 PM
Originally Posted by **muslimah**
:sl:

Could you please reference the Surah and verse? Jazakiallah.
Verse 39:53

039.053 Say: "O my Servants who have transgressed against their souls! Despair not of the Mercy of Allah: for Allah forgives all sins: for He is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.

I will make thread on mercy and forgiveness of Allah ive loads verses here.
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glo
07-23-2010, 05:34 PM
Originally Posted by PouringRain
Sometimes if I am very, very angry then I just go and start cleaning. That always helps me feel better just to clean.
Yep, cleaning is good too - and doubly beneficial! :D
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Cabdullahi
07-23-2010, 05:35 PM
when i was younger i would smash plates and fight but now i stay quiet and calm Alhamdulilah
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Salahudeen
07-23-2010, 05:37 PM
When I get angry I get an over whelming desire to break something I don't know why, and it's as if I can't forget about the anger untill I've broken something it's like a release if that makes sense I don't know how to explain it. Other things help as well such as grabbing a bat and just hitting something repeatedly, I feel really good after like it's all been released.
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جوري
07-23-2010, 05:38 PM
I go into a sort of withdrawal from people, but if I am irked during this period of withdrawal and reflection then hell breaks loose, and I think it has happened twice where I was in a very angry/sad state, and my mom and sis kept pushing my buttons (their way of getting me to talk) and I ended up destroying a few items while asking them both to leave me alone..

I really can't stand being around people when angry, and I detest consolation from others because I find it cheap and ill fitting.. during withdrawal I can do the laundry or take a bath both are comforting...

I think the secret it just to let it blow, so if you have folks like me in your lives, try to understand that sometimes people need their space and don't mistake their quietude as a form of reaching with the desire to be comforted.. yes some people like that but some others are very turned off from that...

:w:
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~Raindrop~
07-23-2010, 05:44 PM
^^ I agree. Now everyone's learned to let me be when I'm like that. :ermm:
I usually go for a long walk on my own to help clear my mind.
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Cabdullahi
07-23-2010, 05:58 PM
Originally Posted by Aisha
^^ I agree. Now everyone's learned to let me be when I'm like that. :ermm:
I usually go for a long walk on my own to help clear my mind.
long walks?? unusual for tomb boys ......you gotta break some plates!!
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glo
07-23-2010, 06:06 PM
Originally Posted by τhε ṿαlε'ṡ lïlÿ

I really can't stand being around people when angry, and I detest consolation from others because I find it cheap and ill fitting..
It's interesting to hear that. It's not something I feel myself, and therefore I struggle to understand that other people might feel like that.

Originally Posted by τhε ṿαlε'ṡ lïlÿ
I think the secret it just to let it blow, so if you have folks like me in your lives, try to understand that sometimes people need their space and don't mistake their quietude as a form of reaching with the desire to be comforted.. yes some people like that but some others are very turned off from that...

:w:
My husband is one of those people who goes very quiet and needs to be left alone ... and I am the one saying "What's wrong? Something is wrong! Why won't you tell me what's wrong?? ... "
I have learned (sometimes the hard way) to leave him be when he is like that - but I don't like it, not one little bit! :hmm:
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~Raindrop~
07-23-2010, 06:11 PM
Originally Posted by Abdullahii
long walks?? unusual for tomb boys ......you gotta break some plates!!
<_< And I plan ways of sweet revenge whist I'm at it.
Breaking plates is childish and immature, which I am not :statisfie
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cat eyes
07-23-2010, 06:14 PM
i'm like this too glo. its just the nature of people you know
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جوري
07-23-2010, 06:24 PM
Originally Posted by glo


My husband is one of those people who goes very quiet and needs to be left alone ... and I am the one saying "What's wrong? Something is wrong! Why won't you tell me what's wrong?? ... "
I have learned (sometimes the hard way) to leave him be when he is like that - but I don't like it, not one little bit! :hmm:
Problems can really happen when you push certain people at that time.. it is best for everyone to let someone have their space and not take it personally.. my mother and sis are keen on the 'if you talk about it, you'll feel better' -- well that is not at all true for everyone.. in fact I'll venture to say it is very dangerous for all those involved.. not only is one hurt and angry by personal circumstance but it can be quite taxing to be made to feel that one has to carry the burden of not hurting those around them as well with negative words and negative words do happen when one is angry.. so why victimize yourself and make it about you with incessant pushing when they are trying to heal in their own way...

really something to ponder and I have longed to say those words to many around me but I don't...
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Sawdah
07-23-2010, 06:28 PM
This is going to sound weird but, when I'm angry, I speak French. :/ It feels nice because no one knows what I'm saying, lol. And I start laughing after that because of the faces they make when I talk. They all say " What the heck is she saying? lol"

With a family member, I'm usually angry with my little brother. So when I get angry, I say stuff like " oh mon dieu(oh my god)... :exhausted " or say " ferme-la (shut it!)! just stop! ". Then I mumble stuff like " espece de... urgh.<_< "

With my parents, I learned to keep shut. I don't talk back alhamdulillah.

With a friend, I'm hardly in this situation, but I talk back. Not screaming or anything but I just talk back in a normal tone. Then I keep distance for the rest of the day.

With a stranger, I keep shut and leave.
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Salahudeen
07-23-2010, 06:35 PM
I know a person who doesn't talk when their upset also they just ignore you for 2 days lol and its hell because you wanna make it better for them but you can't so you just have to stand back and let them handle it on their own. Get it out their systems by themselves.

I guess its hard to understand cos I'm the opposite, I need to talk and get it off my chest so I would keep asking them "what's wrong"
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Raaina
07-23-2010, 06:36 PM
it depends what's made me angry really. If its not someone close to me, for example, someone at work makes me angry, i'll get it be known but not always by shouting, sometimes I just walk away and sit away from everyone for a while until i've calmed down. Other times if its something repeatingly upsetting that i hold in, it usually comes out as tears. I don't like shouting at people and im that frustrated, its my gut reaction.
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Danah
07-23-2010, 06:39 PM
People say that I get angry quickly, so I am trying to work on this side of me. My problem is that when I get angry I say big words (not insults at all) but I always say the truth of people that they themselves don't want to remember. That's why many people avoid arguing with me because I am a very direct person.

It depends on the person I am getting angry at. If I was arguing with my parent or elder siblings (which is very rarely alhumdulilah) I try my best to hold it all in my heart till I leave the room and blow it away, I can't shout at my parent or being rude with them so I try to keep it inside as much as I can. while if it is with someone else, I try to say everything I have to say and then leave the room or make them leave to have my own privacy. I don't break anything, I might slam the doors sometimes :x

The best place to calming my soul is my room where I play Quran on my iPod (reciter: Al-Ghamedi), set the AC to the lowest tempreture, sitting on my iPod "as I always keep the hadeeth of the prophet on my mind".....to me it's like pouring a cold water over a flaming fire.
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PouringRain
07-23-2010, 06:48 PM
I have an odd question, sparked by an earlier post in this thread.......

In Islam, is anger considered a sin, or (if not a sin) a bad thing?

Some Christians would say anger is a sin, but really anger is not the sin. The sin comes from the manner in how one chooses to react to the anger. Anger on its own is simply an emotion that arises as a natural result of things. How we choose to deal with the anger can lead to sin.

(If this should be a topic on its own, then a moderator can feel free to split this into its own thread.)
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S_87
07-23-2010, 06:56 PM
it depends what kind of anger it is and why. sometimes yes cleaning and scrubbing works, other times my mouth wont shut (i dont curse or scream and never get physical, just tell the person what i think) and other times im just quiet with a moody face.
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Alpha Dude
07-23-2010, 07:12 PM
It depends on the context though usually shouting followed by brooding/staying away from people.

"I'll be physically agressive (like killing him)"
Let us know who voted this option that so we can avoid angering you. :uuh:
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cat eyes
07-23-2010, 07:24 PM
[I]
Originally Posted by Alpha Dude
It depends on the context though usually shouting followed by brooding/staying away from people.

Let us know who voted this option that so we can avoid angering you. :uuh:


i did ;D
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~Raindrop~
07-23-2010, 07:26 PM
Not only you. There's another one about. :nervous:
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Life_Is_Short
07-23-2010, 08:57 PM
I don't get angry often and my anger level is usually very low. However, at times when i do get verrrrry angry for-example at my brothers I usually resort to physical violence.

It's bad. ):
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Eric H
07-23-2010, 10:28 PM
Greetings and peace be with you marwen; some quotes about anger...

“Anyone who angers you conquers you

No man can think clearly when his fists are
clenched.
-- George Jean Nathan.

Two things a man should never be angry at:
what he can help, and what he cannot help.
-- Thomas Fuller.

When a man is wrong and won't admit is, he
always gets angry.
-- Thomas Haliburton.

There was never an angry man that thought
his anger unjust.
-- St. Francis De Sales.

Anger is what makes a clear mind seem
clouded.
-- Kazi Shams.



It is wise to direct your anger towards problems -- not people; to focus your energies on answers -- not excuses.”

“Anger is only one letter short of danger”

Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.

Anger will never disappear so long as thoughts of resentment are cherished in the mind. Anger will disappear just as soon as thoughts of resentment are forgotten.”

For every minute you are angry you lose sixty seconds of happiness.”

The angry people are those people who are most afraid”


If you are patient in one moment of anger, you
will escape a hundred days of sorrow.
-- Chinese Proverb.

Anger, if not restrained, is frequently more
hurtful to us than the injury that provokes it.
-- Seneca.

The greatest remedy for anger is delay.
-- Seneca.

For every minute you remain angry, you give
up sixty seconds of peace of mind.
-- Ralph Waldo Emerson.



Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal
with the intent of throwing it at someone else;
you are the one who gets burned.
-- Buddha.

People who fly into a rage always make a bad
landing.
-- Will Rogers.

Speak when you are angry and you will make
the best speech you will ever regret.
-- Ambrose Bierce.

Consider how much more you often suffer
from your anger and grief, than from those
very things for which you are angry and
grieved.
-- Marcus Antonius.


How much more grievous are the
consequences of anger than the causes of it.
-- Marcus Aurelius.



• Mahatma Gandhi
“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.”
• Martin Luther King
“Forgiveness is not an occasional act. It is a permanent attitude."

In the spirit of striving to forgive

Eric
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Muslimah4Eva x
07-23-2010, 11:12 PM
I say: "A'oothu billahi minash-Shaytanir-rajeem"
"I seek refuge in Allah from Satan the outcast"

Walaykum Salam wrwb :)
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Snowflake
07-23-2010, 11:38 PM
Originally Posted by Muslimah4Eva x
I say: "A'oothu billahi minash-Shaytanir-rajeem"
"I seek refuge in Allah from Satan the outcast"

Walaykum Salam wrwb :)
MashaAllah. I wish I was like you.

Uncle Woodrow's post was spot on. There's good and bad anger. My good anger comes when I read about child abusers. I have to fight the urge to stop myself from going on a paedo hunt and killing one, if not all. And those who commit blasphemy. I once kicked someone out of my house for pointing at the sky and saying, 'It's his fault' to Allah. Na udhu billah. And seeing injustice being done to others. My bad anger is when people are just inconsiderate - like bad neighbours etc. I don't like this part of myself and I hope to fix it. I used to be so calm. I miss that old me :(
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Muslim Woman
07-24-2010, 12:23 AM
Salaam

Originally Posted by Muslimah4Eva x
I say: "A'oothu billahi minash-Shaytanir-rajeem"
"I seek refuge in Allah from Satan the outcast"

Walaykum Salam wrwb :)
good advie sis ; InshaAllah I'll I will try to do it.
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Danah
07-24-2010, 12:29 AM
^ Also keep saying Astaghfirullah Al 3atheem repeatedly is very effective and helpful too. Keep saying it till you get calm.
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cat eyes
07-24-2010, 12:41 AM
Originally Posted by Scents of Jannah
MashaAllah. I wish I was like you.

Uncle Woodrow's post was spot on. There's good and bad anger. My good anger comes when I read about child abusers. I have to fight the urge to stop myself from going on a paedo hunt and killing one, if not all. And those who commit blasphemy. I once kicked someone out of my house for pointing at the sky and saying, 'It's his fault' to Allah. Na udhu billah. And seeing injustice being done to others. My bad anger is when people are just inconsiderate - like bad neighbours etc. I don't like this part of myself and I hope to fix it. I used to be so calm. I miss that old me :(
yes i know how u feel. dealing with trolls is difficult. u just want to kick there a ss
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Insecured soul
07-24-2010, 01:08 AM
Originally Posted by cat eyes


Verse 39:53

039.053 Say: "O my Servants who have transgressed against their souls! Despair not of the Mercy of Allah: for Allah forgives all sins: for He is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.

I will make thread on mercy and forgiveness of Allah ive loads verses here.
salaam alaikum

as far my knowledge goes, the above verse was revealed in response to ayyash who was abu jahl's relative, he accompanied umar in hijrah but abu jahl went to medina and made up a story, so he came back to mecca, and he was put under trial and he gave up islam

so umar wrote these ayaats and sent to ayyash thinking it might convince him to become a muslim again with allahs help
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cat eyes
07-24-2010, 01:22 AM
Originally Posted by Adib Shaikh
salaam alaikum

as far my knowledge goes, the above verse was revealed in response to ayyash who was abu jahl's relative, he accompanied umar in hijrah but abu jahl went to medina and made up a story, so he came back to mecca, and he was put under trial and he gave up islam

so umar wrote these ayaats and sent to ayyash thinking it might convince him to become a muslim again with allahs help
yes Allah is most forgiving of all sins except major shirk well of course unless they repent they might be saved.

see my thread in general i made :p
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sister herb
07-24-2010, 04:00 AM
Originally Posted by Alpha Dude
It depends on the context though usually shouting followed by brooding/staying away from people.

Let us know who voted this option that so we can avoid angering you. :uuh:
I was one of those who voted it. ;D Better to avoid angering me, ok?
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glo
07-24-2010, 06:53 AM
Originally Posted by Eric H

There was never an angry man that thought
his anger unjust.

-- St. Francis De Sales.

Anger is what makes a clear mind seem
clouded.

-- Kazi Shams.

It is wise to direct your anger towards problems -- not people; to focus your energies on answers -- not excuses

Anger will never disappear so long as thoughts of resentment are cherished in the mind. Anger will disappear just as soon as thoughts of resentment are forgotten.


The angry people are those people who are most afraid


Anger, if not restrained, is frequently more
hurtful to us than the injury that provokes it.

-- Seneca.


Speak when you are angry and you will make
the best speech you will ever regret.

-- Ambrose Bierce.

Consider how much more you often suffer
from your anger and grief, than from those
very things for which you are angry and
grieved.

-- Marcus Antonius.


How much more grievous are the
consequences of anger than the causes of it.

-- Marcus Aurelius.

Mahatma Gandhi

The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.

• Martin Luther King
Forgiveness is not an occasional act. It is a permanent attitude."

In the spirit of striving to forgive

Eric
Those are very thought-provoking and powerful, Eric. Thanks for sharing!
Reply

marwen
07-24-2010, 09:01 AM
Peace and blessing upon you Eric.
The quotes you posted are really wonderful sayings about anger. Thanks for sharing.
I really liked this one especially:
Originally Posted by Eric H
Speak when you are angry and you will make
the best speech you will ever regret.
-- Ambrose Bierce.
all the best.
Reply

Snowflake
07-24-2010, 09:29 AM
Originally Posted by cat eyes


yes i know how u feel. dealing with trolls is difficult. u just want to kick there a ss
Uh tell me about it! But have you noticed that with some people you get better results if your angry? It's as if they don't like to be told nicely and they think you're a wimp. But when they see your fury they respect you? That's like really messed up.
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Eric H
07-24-2010, 09:43 AM
Greetings and peace be with you marwen and glo, thanks for your kind words, I can relate to most of those quotes, and they stay in my mind.

Anger is a most destructive force, because if we are feeling angry, it forces us to react in ways we may later regret. I have two personal stories one is really trivial, however if I had not understood about anger in a trivial way, I would not have understood how it could make the difference between life and death, in my second experience.

Years ago I was a window cleaner, a lady asked me to clean her windows, and could I come back Friday for the money. I called back and she said, sorry but could you call back again next Friday. This went on for several months, one day I called and she was unloading a car full of shopping, she was almost laughing when she said, she had spent all her money. I frequently used to go home after, and be angry with my wife and children through no fault of theirs.

As time went by it seemed she was playing games, and I started feeling more angry, I thought of slashing her car tyres, or super gluing her door locks, because of the injustice. I can’t recall exactly how I changed, but on the way to her house I had a change of heart, and said to myself, if she needs the money more than I do, then I will cancel her debt and forgive her totally.

The moment I said this to myself, it felt like a huge weight had been lifted, and my anger disappeared. Afterwards I had time to reflect, it had taken me about a quarter of an hour to clean her windows, but I had wasted numerous hours chasing after fifteen minutes work. It did not stop there; I had spent hours of my time feeling angry, and the need to take some kind of action. I had made my wife and kids miserable, through no fault of their own.

All the time I spent with feelings of anger, that woman controlled my thoughts, and she did not know it. All this because I was not able to forgive; but rather preferred to live in anger as a matter of principle. I often saw the woman again and said hello to her, but I never asked her for the money again, I had fully written of the debt and forgiven her

Ghandi said it is only the strong who can forgive, the weak hold onto their anger. I have to say that after forgiving this woman I was now in control of my own mind and did not have any feelings of hate towards her again. Many years have passed, and I am so thankful this lady taught me how to forgive.



The second instance came about, after I had been cleaning an old ladies windows for a couple of years. It took longer to have a drink and a chat with her than it did to clean her windows. One day I called on her and she said, if I tell you something, will you promise not to tell anyone else. I thought it was going to be a bit of gossip and said yes.

She said she had just started to take some pills earlier in the day, and she was going to end her life. I talked with her and listened to her story.

She had worked very hard during her life, her husband ran of with another woman and took most of her money, her children had used her and left her. Her business partner had run off with her share of the money. Despite that she still managed to have a large house, and a comfortable life money wise.

Her life story was one of injustice and suffering, and she had just suffered one more injustice days ago, in the way someone close to her had died, She was angry at the person who had caused the death, even though it was possibly an accident, she now had nothing to live for.

We talked for a couple of hours and the thing that seemed to make a difference to her was when I said death is not a problem we all die; but do you want to spend your final time on this Earth a bitter, twisted and angry woman; somehow you have to find it in your heart to forgive this man.

Just before I left I said it is pointless coming back next month to clean your windows, she said come back.

I called the following month and her kitchen had been decorated, she was planning to change the garden around, it was as if nothing had happened and she never mentioned again about giving up on life.

If I had never experienced the power to forgive in the first trivial way, I would not have understood how to help this lady.

Injustice happens, and in many cases we may never see justice served. If we cannot forgive, then our anger burns away inside us, our thoughts are consumed by evil thoughts, and the person we are angry with, controls our mind all the time we are feeling angry.


If we do wrong then maybe it is our duty to try and ask for forgiveness so that the person we have offended will not store up all this anger in his heart.

In the spirit of striving to forgive.

Eric
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Danah
07-24-2010, 10:03 AM
^ Thanks for sharing your experience Eric!

It just reminded me of the the Prophet (peace be upon him) when he said: "The strong man is not the good wrestler, but the strong man is he who controls himself when he is angry"
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marwen
07-24-2010, 10:13 AM
Originally Posted by Eric H
Greetings and peace be with you marwen and glo, thanks for your kind words, I can relate to most of those quotes, and they stay in my mind.

Anger is a most destructive force, because if we are feeling angry, it forces us to react in ways we may later regret. I have two personal stories one is really trivial, however if I had not understood about anger in a trivial way, I would not have understood how it could make the difference between life and death, in my second experience.

Years ago I was a window cleaner, a lady asked me to clean her windows, and could I come back Friday for the money. I called back and she said, sorry but could you call back again next Friday. This went on for several months, one day I called and she was unloading a car full of shopping, she was almost laughing when she said, she had spent all her money. I frequently used to go home after, and be angry with my wife and children through no fault of theirs.

As time went by it seemed she was playing games, and I started feeling more angry, I thought of slashing her car tyres, or super gluing her door locks, because of the injustice. I can’t recall exactly how I changed, but on the way to her house I had a change of heart, and said to myself, if she needs the money more than I do, then I will cancel her debt and forgive her totally.

The moment I said this to myself, it felt like a huge weight had been lifted, and my anger disappeared. Afterwards I had time to reflect, it had taken me about a quarter of an hour to clean her windows, but I had wasted numerous hours chasing after fifteen minutes work. It did not stop there; I had spent hours of my time feeling angry, and the need to take some kind of action. I had made my wife and kids miserable, through no fault of their own.

All the time I spent with feelings of anger, that woman controlled my thoughts, and she did not know it. All this because I was not able to forgive; but rather preferred to live in anger as a matter of principle. I often saw the woman again and said hello to her, but I never asked her for the money again, I had fully written of the debt and forgiven her

Ghandi said it is only the strong who can forgive, the weak hold onto their anger. I have to say that after forgiving this woman I was now in control of my own mind and did not have any feelings of hate towards her again. Many years have passed, and I am so thankful this lady taught me how to forgive.



The second instance came about, after I had been cleaning an old ladies windows for a couple of years. It took longer to have a drink and a chat with her than it did to clean her windows. One day I called on her and she said, if I tell you something, will you promise not to tell anyone else. I thought it was going to be a bit of gossip and said yes.

She said she had just started to take some pills earlier in the day, and she was going to end her life. I talked with her and listened to her story.

She had worked very hard during her life, her husband ran of with another woman and took most of her money, her children had used her and left her. Her business partner had run off with her share of the money. Despite that she still managed to have a large house, and a comfortable life money wise.

Her life story was one of injustice and suffering, and she had just suffered one more injustice days ago, in the way someone close to her had died, She was angry at the person who had caused the death, even though it was possibly an accident, she now had nothing to live for.

We talked for a couple of hours and the thing that seemed to make a difference to her was when I said death is not a problem we all die; but do you want to spend your final time on this Earth a bitter, twisted and angry woman; somehow you have to find it in your heart to forgive this man.

Just before I left I said it is pointless coming back next month to clean your windows, she said come back.

I called the following month and her kitchen had been decorated, she was planning to change the garden around, it was as if nothing had happened and she never mentioned again about giving up on life.

If I had never experienced the power to forgive in the first trivial way, I would not have understood how to help this lady.

Injustice happens, and in many cases we may never see justice served. If we cannot forgive, then our anger burns away inside us, our thoughts are consumed by evil thoughts, and the person we are angry with, controls our mind all the time we are feeling angry.


If we do wrong then maybe it is our duty to try and ask for forgiveness so that the person we have offended will not store up all this anger in his heart.

In the spirit of striving to forgive.

Eric
^ These are tow wonderful stories, Eric. Thanks for sharing. There is a great lesson we can learn there.
And let me tell you, I think you're a great man because you found the strength to forgive when you are unjustly hurt.
God bless you and your family.

All the best.
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Samiun
07-25-2010, 02:06 PM
:sl:, at times I would just like to raise my hands and smack that fellow that insulted my religion in the face. That's not the case though, I would be sarcastic towards the one who is insulting me or just walk away.
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Woodrow
07-25-2010, 02:53 PM
Perhaps each person should examine what they do when angry and ask themselves 'what is the result they wish to have result from their action?".

If their action does not get them the result they desire, why do they continue repeating it?

Seems to touch on insanity to keep repeating the same thing and expect a different result.
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Haya emaan
07-25-2010, 03:15 PM
anger can only spoil our work...

but still its very hard to control it...imsad
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Salahudeen
07-25-2010, 03:44 PM
Originally Posted by Woodrow
Perhaps each person should examine what they do when angry and ask themselves 'what is the result they wish to have result from their action?".

If their action does not get them the result they desire, why do they continue repeating it?

Seems to touch on insanity to keep repeating the same thing and expect a different result.
The result I want is, to get it out my system and just forget about it. And it feels I can't get it out by sitting down calmly and thinking because it keeps going over in my mind, that's why I resort to doing something that gets me out of breath like hitting something over and over again. Not a person of course lol :)
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Neelofar
07-25-2010, 03:50 PM
Salaamz :D

I feel thorougly ashamed to admit this, but before i just used to lash out whenever i got angry and i just used to say everything and anything that came into my head without even thinking! I then learnt that this pleased shaytaan and our Prophet S.A.W strongly advised against becoming angryyy..so now i try to shut up, and i don't say anything when i'm angry because i know later i'll regret it and that i didn't really mean it :p

Note To Self: Someone, somewhere is feeling the repercussions of what you said to them & we should always try and make sure that we leave people with positive feelings [i was at a muslim young people's conference yesterday and a speaker called Gill Hicks said tht :D]
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Bintulislam
07-25-2010, 09:51 PM
Excellently put Eric.Thank you very much.
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Neelofar
07-26-2010, 03:01 PM
AaaRgHh! i am so angry right now :) i feel like screaming at my mum!! i wanted to go to the library with my sister, and my mum borrowed a scarf 4rm my sister and i wanted to wear that scarf right now, my mum dusnt know where she put it and is making no attempts at all to try and help me find it! and whenever she wants something ans she can't find it she always makes us look for it when we're not even the ones who have lost it and she gets all angry and starts swearing at us! i feel like breaking something :) but i'm jus staying away 4rm her because i don't want to get into an argument with her. She better find that scarf, it's the only good one i have!
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glo
07-26-2010, 04:37 PM
Originally Posted by Neelofar
AaaRgHh! i am so angry right now :) i feel like screaming at my mum!! i wanted to go to the library with my sister, and my mum borrowed a scarf 4rm my sister and i wanted to wear that scarf right now, my mum dusnt know where she put it and is making no attempts at all to try and help me find it! and whenever she wants something ans she can't find it she always makes us look for it when we're not even the ones who have lost it and she gets all angry and starts swearing at us! i feel like breaking something :) but i'm jus staying away 4rm her because i don't want to get into an argument with her. She better find that scarf, it's the only good one i have!
Greetings, Neelofar

This might be a good situation to reflect on.
Now, and hour later (or whenever you read this post), does it still seem so important to you?
Was it worth feeling so angry about?

How did you solve the situation?
I.e. did you stay at home or did you use another scarf or did your mum eventually look for it and find it or did you find it yourself?

Whatever you did, I hope you and your mum both calmed down and made up again - and that you managed to go to the library in the end! :)
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Ansariyah
07-26-2010, 05:38 PM
Honestly

When I get angry n it takes a whole lot of crap to get me over the edge. Thats it, I just like to get things off my chest right away, even if the person doesnt want to hear it I'll just say it. When I'm done gettin things off my chest I will exit the door, keep to myself. Show the person that I don't want to speak to them...Start my ignoring session:embarrass doesnt usually last long.

I can easily switch from anger to bein alright.

I think at home its so easy to make up cause we all are close, like my sisters when we fight big time, Things to say to break the Ice are: 'Are u gonna come pray, its prayer time'? 'wheres my brush'? n soon we're laughing again.
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Haya emaan
07-26-2010, 07:17 PM
yeah u r right sis..
and even at home anger doesn't lasts for long... no matter how big the fight was...
just put out all what is inside in front of siblings or mother and then forget what happened few moments before
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marwen
07-26-2010, 07:28 PM
^ it's a good quality to not keep the grudge for long.
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Snowflake
07-26-2010, 07:59 PM
Eric: This went on for several months, one day I called and she was unloading a car full of shopping, she was almost laughing when she said, she had spent all her money. I frequently used to go home after, and be angry with my wife and children through no fault of theirs.

As time went by it seemed she was playing games, and I started feeling more angry, I thought of slashing her car tyres, or super gluing her door locks, because of the injustice. I can’t recall exactly how I changed, but on the way to her house I had a change of heart, and said to myself, if she needs the money more than I do, then I will cancel her debt and forgive her totally.


Many years have passed, and I am so thankful this lady taught me how to forgive.
Thank you so much for sharing your experiences, and I respect the honesty you shared them with.


I also found something so beautiful in them, I'd like to share my thoughts. I know we often feel gratitude towards people who seem to help us in one way or another, but really it is that God who is helping us. God did not let your months of patience with this woman go in vain. When that day you finally snapped and was about to undo all your good work, God stopped that happening by giving you a change of heart. The lady was unaware had no hand in it at all. Praise be to Allah, who does not do bad for anyone.
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Eric H
07-26-2010, 08:36 PM
Greetings and peace be with you Scents of Jannah; thanks for your kind words, and yes all good things come from God, we have so much to thank him for.

A few years ago a woman was telling me about the severe headaches; she was suffering with most nights. I asked her if it was just pain she was suffering with, or did she have any troubling thoughts as well. I asked if these were recent thoughts, or did they go back a long time.

It turned out they went back thirty years, when she was abused as a young girl, the man concerned was never brought to trial, and she has not seen him since. He did go to jail for an offense against someone else, if he is alive now he would be very old.

The man who abused this girl still controls her even though she has not seen him since. The reason I say this is because every night she goes to bed her thoughts will turn to the abuse. She will feel anger at the injustice, and she is still an angry woman thirty years on, she takes her anger out frequently on other vulnerable people.

Because she has such anger against the abuser, she thinks about him constantly; and plans what she would like to do to him. She is left frustrated because she knows justice will never happen, and he still control her mind. He was in control at the time of the abuse; but does she want this lowlife to continue to devastate her mind for the rest of her life.

If she can; the first step might be to use her anger in a positive way. She can learn to be angry with herself for being so weak; and allowing the rapist to control her mind after the event. She cannot change the past, but she can influence the present, she is the only one who should be in control of her own mind.

Because she has carried this anger for so long, she seems to be suffering depression, and possibly some kind of mental problems too. I have talked about forgiveness with her, for about a year now, but she cannot seem to let go, anger burns away inside, and the person who suffers the most, is the one who is angry.



In the spirit of praying for an inner peace that surpasses all understanding.

Eric
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Snowflake
07-26-2010, 09:19 PM
Originally Posted by Eric H
Greetings and peace be with you Scents of Jannah; thanks for your kind words, and yes all good things come from God, we have so much to thank him for.

A few years ago a woman was telling me about the severe headaches; she was suffering with most nights. I asked her if it was just pain she was suffering with, or did she have any troubling thoughts as well. I asked if these were recent thoughts, or did they go back a long time.

It turned out they went back thirty years, when she was abused as a young girl, the man concerned was never brought to trial, and she has not seen him since. He did go to jail for an offense against someone else, if he is alive now he would be very old.

The man who abused this girl still controls her even though she has not seen him since. The reason I say this is because every night she goes to bed her thoughts will turn to the abuse. She will feel anger at the injustice, and she is still an angry woman thirty years on, she takes her anger out frequently on other vulnerable people.

Because she has such anger against the abuser, she thinks about him constantly; and plans what she would like to do to him. She is left frustrated because she knows justice will never happen, and he still control her mind. He was in control at the time of the abuse; but does she want this lowlife to continue to devastate her mind for the rest of her life.

If she can; the first step might be to use her anger in a positive way. She can learn to be angry with herself for being so weak; and allowing the rapist to control her mind after the event. She cannot change the past, but she can influence the present, she is the only one who should be in control of her own mind.

Because she has carried this anger for so long, she seems to be suffering depression, and possibly some kind of mental problems too. I have talked about forgiveness with her, for about a year now, but she cannot seem to let go, anger burns away inside, and the person who suffers the most, is the one who is angry.



In the spirit of praying for an inner peace that surpasses all understanding.

Eric
Hi Eric,

It's a shame and so sad, but you're absolutely right, this lady is hurting no one but herself. I think many of us do that without realizing sometimes. But it's been a long time since this lady has allowed her exprience to affect her. Her thoughts have probably become a habit and she can't think any other way. But a professional can help her God willing. So it's worth suggesting. It's also good and kind of you to advise her as you did. I pray she gets the help she needs and finds peace within herself.


Peace
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Ğħαrєєвαħ
07-26-2010, 10:35 PM
When i go angry i have a geeky strike, i go on a strike,where geeks need to chillaxx and have it easy and Read "Aazu Billah Hemashaytaan Nira Jeem" "I seek Refugee in Allaah from Shaytaan the outcast"

Anger is from the Shaytaan

Also some Hadeeth:
"The strong man is not the good wrestler; the strong man is only the one who controls himself when he is angry."
(Bukhari, Muslim).

Ibn 'Umar said, "There is nothing that is swallowed greater with Allah in reward than a slave of Allah who swallows and contains his rancour out of desire for the pleasure of Allah." (Bukhaari)

Aslam said, " 'Umar ibn al-Khattab said, 'Do not let your love be a total infatuation. Do not let your anger be destruction.' I asked, 'How is that?' He replied, 'When you love, you are infatuated like a child. When you hate, you desire destruction for your companion.'"[Al Bukhaari]

InshaAllaah they help . . .
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Danah
07-26-2010, 11:58 PM
Originally Posted by Yanoorah
Honestly

When I get angry n it takes a whole lot of crap to get me over the edge. Thats it, I just like to get things off my chest right away, even if the person doesnt want to hear it I'll just say it. When I'm done gettin things off my chest I will exit the door, keep to myself. Show the person that I don't want to speak to them...Start my ignoring session:embarrass doesnt usually last long.
SubhanAllah I do the exact same thing at home! and they know that it is my style so they don't get hurt because they know that soon I will go back to my ownself after a while so they in most cases don't engaged in any conversation with me and don't come after me to my room.

The most beneficial thing of this strategy is not keep it in my chest because usually when anger get locked and accumulated like that it will soon turned to grudge that will be hardly removed!
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Ummu Sufyaan
07-27-2010, 07:27 AM
:sl:
it depends on the situation sometimes you get angry but its pointed out to you that its your own fault and/or your anger isnt justified. so, naturally you calm down. other times your anger is justified but its still necessary to control it.

its important to remember, as someone pointed out on this forum once, that the more you act on your anger, the less you teach yourself patience (something along those lines anyway).

another thing to remember is that anger is one of those emotions that the more you "feed" it, the more it will get better of you...so basically, if you act on your anger, then its never really going to satisfy it, so its best to leave it suppressed and try find other means to vent. its like being really hungry and then taking a bite of something then putting it down only to want to eat it more, because you haven't sufficiently fulfilled your hunger properly...in such case, its probably best to stay hungry.

if you cant control your anger, at-least think of the consequences which may occur due to acting on your feelings. its good to walk away and stay by yourself in a corner somewhere whilst your emotions calm down.

now the tough question: how do you find way to vent anger...its not so much anger management that is the problem, but the feeling of unresolved emotion/anger that lingers behind as a result of not acting on your anger which that can be just as bothersome. does anyone have any ideas on how to vent anger in a permissible way without falling into some sin or another.
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Salahudeen
07-27-2010, 08:33 AM
Originally Posted by Ummu Sufyaan
:sl:
it depends on the situation sometimes you get angry but its pointed out to you that its your own fault and/or your anger isnt justified. so, naturally you calm down. other times your anger is justified but its still necessary to control it.

its important to remember, as someone pointed out on this forum once, that the more you act on your anger, the less you teach yourself patience (something along those lines anyway).

another thing to remember is that anger is one of those emotions that the more you "feed" it, the more it will get better of you...so basically, if you act on your anger, then its never really going to satisfy it, so its best to leave it suppressed and try find other means to vent. its like being really hungry and then taking a bite of something then putting it down only to want to eat it more, because you haven't sufficiently fulfilled your hunger properly...in such case, its probably best to stay hungry.

if you cant control your anger, at-least think of the consequences which may occur due to acting on your feelings. its good to walk away and stay by yourself in a corner somewhere whilst your emotions calm down.

now the tough question: how do you find way to vent anger...its not so much anger management that is the problem, but the feeling of unresolved emotion/anger that lingers behind as a result of not acting on your anger which that can be just as bothersome. does anyone have any ideas on how to vent anger in a permissible way without falling into some sin or another.
Doing a high intensity exercise where you push yourself to the limit like running really fast and not stopping . Keeping 1 of those toy inflatable hammers in the house and hitting something over and over untill you feel better. When I'm angry my heart starts racing and the last thing I can do is sit down and be contemplative. I have to do something that allows me to release the anger if that makes sense.
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MysticRiver
07-27-2010, 09:05 AM
Generally, I do nothing. I swallow it up. I let some time roll on, then, I say calmly what upset me. I know that when arguing, one can say very hurting things that one doesn't necesserily mean. Words are like bullets:Once they're shot, it's impossible to get them back.
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Ğħαrєєвαħ
07-27-2010, 09:57 AM
^Soo Truee sis
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Woodrow
08-02-2010, 05:36 PM
Most of us can use our own parents as examples of anger control. Most parents have developed a good degree of anger control.

Think back at some of the things we did as kids to anger our parents. If they did not have good anger control we would not have lived long enough to worry about it.

All of us have done things to anger others. Look at the actions of those we have angered and replicate the actions of those who have earned our respect for how they controlled their anger.
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Danah
08-25-2010, 12:18 PM
:sl:

I was looking for Mohammad Al-Sharif lectures and came to this one, and I immediately remember this thread. I downloaded the lecture and will listen to it today inshaAllah.
Even though I didn't listen to it, but I am sure it will be amazing like his other lectures, so I will recommend everyone to listen to it too:


Anger Management



Abu Hurairah, may Allah be pleased with him, reported: Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) said: The strong man is not the one who wrestles well but the strong man is the one who controls himself when he is in a fit of rage. [Sahih Muslim]


Download

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Vigno
08-29-2010, 06:28 AM
Originally Posted by Woodrow
Most of us can use our own parents as examples of anger control. Most parents have developed a good degree of anger control.

Think back at some of the things we did as kids to anger our parents. If they did not have good anger control we would not have lived long enough to worry about it.

All of us have done things to anger others. Look at the actions of those we have angered and replicate the actions of those who have earned our respect for how they controlled their anger.
Asalamu Alekum

Ahm well, that doesn't really work for all parents in my opinion. Some parents have tortured their children when they did little things when they were barely speaking.
So if these kids look at their parents as an example then...not good.
But well you mentioned most parents and not all ^
Your second point is good ^ not saying the first wasn't though.
I think its scarce to find people holding back their tongue or fists at the time of anger, its lack of Imaan I would say.

Also, some people are already on the line, so its enough to say a single word and then BOOM.
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Vigno
08-29-2010, 06:33 AM
As to what I do when am angry...hmm...its hard to make me angry but if it happens then I stay quiet. However, if its something about Allah and the Prophet PBUH then I would defend if I could coz that would make me furious, but I won't attack or say foolish things.
The tongue is a dangerous tool that can easily lead its holder to Hell, may Allah save us from it, ameen
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'Abd Al-Maajid
09-04-2010, 03:13 PM
When I get angry, I used to punch the walls and windows :p...I was stupid then. Since then I am not yet able to deal with anger.
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Woodrow
09-04-2010, 03:37 PM
It does seem that modern life makes it more difficult for us to control anger and learn to use it as a constructive tool not as a prod to destroy. Sadly most of us become the angriest over that which is insignificant or things we can not change or even need to change. We have 2 choices, about anger.

1. Allow Allaah(swt) to handle the situation and go in accordance with how we are guided.

2. Take things into our own hands.

If we use option number one, there is no need for us let let own puny, human anger ruin our day.

If we are like most people and choose option 2. We have to pay the price for our actions and thoughts. Nearly if not always this course will hurt us more than what we are angry at. When we take it into our own hands we are limited to only 3 effective options.

1. Remove that which angers us.

2. Move our selves away from that whit angers us.

3. Change our own attitude about that which angers us and and decide we will accept it and live with it.

For those 3 methods to even have any impact we need to look at things from outside our own frame work of thought. Analyze that which angers us. WRITE (important you do write it out) that which is causing us pain or grieve. State specifically how it is causing us to be angry. Be as specific as possible. Now take your note and set it aside for 30 minutes. After 30 minutes read our note and Write out why it is causing us anger. What about it needs to be changed to make it not anger us. Decide on a course of action and follow through with it in thought and realistically see if that would give you the desired result.

City life angers me. What angers me about it is the noise and the rowdiness of the people. I do not want to change my attitude and become part of the rowdiness, I can not remove the noise or the people. That leaves me with one choice. Move out of the city.



Don't get angry, resolve that which is causing the anger and do not wait 60+ years to discover Allaah(swt) can do that better than we can.
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Eric H
09-04-2010, 04:21 PM
Greetings and peace be with you abdulmajid

Originally Posted by abdulmājid
When I get angry, I used to punch the walls and windows :p...I was stupid then. Since then I am not yet able to deal with anger.
A few months ago I witnessed the tragic stupidity of a youth, who had moments earlier put his fist through a window. The police and the ambulance were present, as was the trail of blood.

I won’t go into details, but it was all because of a girl, he was off work for three months, and will be scarred for life.

A quote just to give a little more meaning…

No man can think clearly when his fists are
clenched.
-- George Jean Nathan.
Just some further thoughts on anger, the person who makes you angry, controls you, they own your thoughts and your mind, all the time you are thinking angry thoughts. Even worse, the person you are angry with forces you to do stupid things, that you know are wrong, and you would not do, this is summed up through another quote…

“Anyone who angers you conquers you


Anger is what makes a clear mind seem
clouded.
-- Kazi Shams.

In the spirit of seeking to forgive all transgressions, and to search for an inner peace that transcends all understanding.

Eric
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'Abd Al-Maajid
09-04-2010, 05:47 PM
Thank you, my friend. Indeed this is an embarrassing moment for me...:embarrass:embarrass
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Eric H
09-04-2010, 06:08 PM
Greetings and peace be with you abdulmajid;

Originally Posted by abdulmājid
Thank you, my friend. Indeed this is an embarrassing moment for me...:embarrass:embarrass
Every one experiences anger, so please do not feel embarrassed.

Blessings and peace be wth you.

Eric
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scented blood
09-04-2010, 09:44 PM
I tell my mum...
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cat eyes
09-06-2010, 03:25 AM
im scary when im angry ive been told.:><: my lips go purple i don't know if thats normal

when i feel like killing some one i try not to act on it i just bite my tongue until it bleeds and smile innocently :happy:
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Woodrow
09-06-2010, 01:57 PM
:sl:

Having read this thread several times, it reaffirms my belief that uncontrolled anger is often a very foolish emotion that serves no purpose except to cause a person to self destruct.

While anger can be a prod to push us to correct wrongs, it must be controlled or we become no different than that which we are angry about.

While anger is a necessary emotion it is also a fitnah when uncontrolled. In many ways it is similar to sexual behavior. In it's place and properly used it can be a source of good. But when one succumbs to the desire to enjoy it in an uncontrolled manner it is succumbing to temptation.

Let us admit to ourselves there is a feeling of immediate pleasure when we let our anger explode. We all probably know people we would deeply enjoy drop kicking into the closest pile of cow manure. But the reality is that if we allow our anger to take control, the consequences will hurt us much more than the person we take our anger out on.

Some results I have experienced in the days I allowed my anger to run rampant.

Destroyed friendships

Broken objects of value to me

Very sinful thoughts

Much physical stress upon my body

Irrational thinking

Causing those close to me to distrust me

I could make this a very long list, but I think that is enough to get the idea across.


One of the best examples would be my youngest son. He is quite a remarkable man, but had the misfortune of inheriting my temper. He is quite productive and a very hard worker. Also a very good business man. He was a millionaire by the time he was 21, owned and ran an oil refinery by the time he was 25. He was making a considerable amount of money from the refinery and was bringing home more money monthly than most people earn in their lifetime. But, he had trouble controlling his anger. Anyhow he entered into a contract with Mobile Oil to produce a large quantity of gasoline for them daily. With a bonus for each day he exceeded the quota. It takes quite a few people to operate a refinery. There were a few days when his production dropped. He took it out on his workers and exploded. In his anger he fired every worker he had. When he realized what he had done, he apologized. But it was too late and each and every worker refused to come back and work for him. He failed to meet the demands of his contract with Mobile, got sued for breach of contract, lost his refinery, his home, his savings and investments and his wife divorced him. A brief episode of uncontrolled anger cost him all he had worked for.

Uncontrolled anger only brings grief to those who allow it to be.

While anger is a blessing when used to correct a wrong, it is a tool that a person needs to learn to control and use properly. If you are experiencing pain as a result of your anger, you have not yet learned to control it and it is controlling you. You are allowing something besides Allaah(swt) to be the power in your life. BIG MISTAKE

Anger can be controlled and must be controlled if you are to avoid destroying yourself. Most of us tend to enjoy the immediate gratification of allowing unbridled anger to run rampant. The more we allow that to happen, the longer and more difficult it becomes for us to regain control over it. The next time you get angry, think carefully of how much it is going to hurt you and how far it is going to lead you astray.
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abdussattar
09-06-2010, 05:51 PM
Originally Posted by Woodrow
One of the best examples would be my youngest son. He is quite a remarkable man, but had the misfortune of inheriting my temper. He is quite productive and a very hard worker. Also a very good business man. He was a millionaire by the time he was 21, owned and ran an oil refinery by the time he was 25. He was making a considerable amount of money from the refinery and was bringing home more money monthly than most people earn in their lifetime. But, he had trouble controlling his anger. Anyhow he entered into a contract with Mobile Oil to produce a large quantity of gasoline for them daily. With a bonus for each day he exceeded the quota. It takes quite a few people to operate a refinery. There were a few days when his production dropped. He took it out on his workers and exploded. In his anger he fired every worker he had. When he realized what he had done, he apologized. But it was too late and each and every worker refused to come back and work for him. He failed to meet the demands of his contract with Mobile, got sued for breach of contract, lost his refinery, his home, his savings and investments and his wife divorced him. A brief episode of uncontrolled anger cost him all he had worked for.
:omg::uuh:

I don't need any further motivation for controlling my anger....:scared:
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cat eyes
09-07-2010, 12:30 AM
Originally Posted by Woodrow
:sl:

Having read this thread several times, it reaffirms my belief that uncontrolled anger is often a very foolish emotion that serves no purpose except to cause a person to self destruct.

While anger can be a prod to push us to correct wrongs, it must be controlled or we become no different than that which we are angry about.

While anger is a necessary emotion it is also a fitnah when uncontrolled. In many ways it is similar to sexual behavior. In it's place and properly used it can be a source of good. But when one succumbs to the desire to enjoy it in an uncontrolled manner it is succumbing to temptation.

Let us admit to ourselves there is a feeling of immediate pleasure when we let our anger explode. We all probably know people we would deeply enjoy drop kicking into the closest pile of cow manure. But the reality is that if we allow our anger to take control, the consequences will hurt us much more than the person we take our anger out on.

Some results I have experienced in the days I allowed my anger to run rampant.

Destroyed friendships

Broken objects of value to me

Very sinful thoughts

Much physical stress upon my body

Irrational thinking

Causing those close to me to distrust me

I could make this a very long list, but I think that is enough to get the idea across.


One of the best examples would be my youngest son. He is quite a remarkable man, but had the misfortune of inheriting my temper. He is quite productive and a very hard worker. Also a very good business man. He was a millionaire by the time he was 21, owned and ran an oil refinery by the time he was 25. He was making a considerable amount of money from the refinery and was bringing home more money monthly than most people earn in their lifetime. But, he had trouble controlling his anger. Anyhow he entered into a contract with Mobile Oil to produce a large quantity of gasoline for them daily. With a bonus for each day he exceeded the quota. It takes quite a few people to operate a refinery. There were a few days when his production dropped. He took it out on his workers and exploded. In his anger he fired every worker he had. When he realized what he had done, he apologized. But it was too late and each and every worker refused to come back and work for him. He failed to meet the demands of his contract with Mobile, got sued for breach of contract, lost his refinery, his home, his savings and investments and his wife divorced him. A brief episode of uncontrolled anger cost him all he had worked for.

Uncontrolled anger only brings grief to those who allow it to be.

While anger is a blessing when used to correct a wrong, it is a tool that a person needs to learn to control and use properly. If you are experiencing pain as a result of your anger, you have not yet learned to control it and it is controlling you. You are allowing something besides Allaah(swt) to be the power in your life. BIG MISTAKE

Anger can be controlled and must be controlled if you are to avoid destroying yourself. Most of us tend to enjoy the immediate gratification of allowing unbridled anger to run rampant. The more we allow that to happen, the longer and more difficult it becomes for us to regain control over it. The next time you get angry, think carefully of how much it is going to hurt you and how far it is going to lead you astray.
jazakAllah khayr uncle. that really made me think a lot. sometimes i say or do things without thinking :( and i feel guilty later.

but money goes to your head too. you know you feel powerful and you think that it won't get taken away from you. they don't see what there doing is wrong..they treat people like crap. they don't spend time with there families because there obsessed with running there big companies and making themselves more rich.

sorry what happened to your son, we all make stupid mistakes and we all learn from them. may Allah grant your son a comfortable and easy life Ameen.

thank you for sharing this with us akhee
Reply

cat eyes
09-07-2010, 12:31 AM
Originally Posted by Woodrow
:sl:

Having read this thread several times, it reaffirms my belief that uncontrolled anger is often a very foolish emotion that serves no purpose except to cause a person to self destruct.

While anger can be a prod to push us to correct wrongs, it must be controlled or we become no different than that which we are angry about.

While anger is a necessary emotion it is also a fitnah when uncontrolled. In many ways it is similar to sexual behavior. In it's place and properly used it can be a source of good. But when one succumbs to the desire to enjoy it in an uncontrolled manner it is succumbing to temptation.

Let us admit to ourselves there is a feeling of immediate pleasure when we let our anger explode. We all probably know people we would deeply enjoy drop kicking into the closest pile of cow manure. But the reality is that if we allow our anger to take control, the consequences will hurt us much more than the person we take our anger out on.

Some results I have experienced in the days I allowed my anger to run rampant.

Destroyed friendships

Broken objects of value to me

Very sinful thoughts

Much physical stress upon my body

Irrational thinking

Causing those close to me to distrust me

I could make this a very long list, but I think that is enough to get the idea across.


One of the best examples would be my youngest son. He is quite a remarkable man, but had the misfortune of inheriting my temper. He is quite productive and a very hard worker. Also a very good business man. He was a millionaire by the time he was 21, owned and ran an oil refinery by the time he was 25. He was making a considerable amount of money from the refinery and was bringing home more money monthly than most people earn in their lifetime. But, he had trouble controlling his anger. Anyhow he entered into a contract with Mobile Oil to produce a large quantity of gasoline for them daily. With a bonus for each day he exceeded the quota. It takes quite a few people to operate a refinery. There were a few days when his production dropped. He took it out on his workers and exploded. In his anger he fired every worker he had. When he realized what he had done, he apologized. But it was too late and each and every worker refused to come back and work for him. He failed to meet the demands of his contract with Mobile, got sued for breach of contract, lost his refinery, his home, his savings and investments and his wife divorced him. A brief episode of uncontrolled anger cost him all he had worked for.

Uncontrolled anger only brings grief to those who allow it to be.

While anger is a blessing when used to correct a wrong, it is a tool that a person needs to learn to control and use properly. If you are experiencing pain as a result of your anger, you have not yet learned to control it and it is controlling you. You are allowing something besides Allaah(swt) to be the power in your life. BIG MISTAKE

Anger can be controlled and must be controlled if you are to avoid destroying yourself. Most of us tend to enjoy the immediate gratification of allowing unbridled anger to run rampant. The more we allow that to happen, the longer and more difficult it becomes for us to regain control over it. The next time you get angry, think carefully of how much it is going to hurt you and how far it is going to lead you astray.
jazakAllah khayr uncle. that really made me think a lot. sometimes i say or do things without thinking :( and i feel guilty later.

but money goes to your head too. you know you feel powerful and you think that it won't get taken away from you. they don't see what there doing is wrong..they treat people like crap. they don't spend time with there families because there obsessed with running there big companies and making themselves more rich.

sorry what happened to your son, we all make stupid mistakes and we all learn from them. may Allah grant your son a comfortable and easy life Ameen.

thank you for sharing this with us akhee
Reply

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