friend problem

[Muslimpreacher]

salam,

recently i have had an argument with a friend about when ramadan was going to start, i gave him evidence that it had been announced but he kept arguing, afterwards i found that he then began fasting on the day i said was going to be ramadan and acted like he was going to do that anyway and that he was in the right. after which i stopped speaking to him for a little while. i was then recieving some quite horrible texts from him. i spoke to another friend explaning to him why i didnt want to speak to him and i told him that a situation happens quite a lot with him. he is saying a lot of bad things to me via text. i need some advice on what to do. i want to forgive him as that would be good but he is making things really difficult. i would really appreciate any advice.

Jazakallah khyran

[Snowflake]

Assalamu alaykum,

We all makes mistakes, and if we don't admit to them then that's a mistake in itself. It just leads us to more mistakes.
First assess your reaction at what your friend did. Despite his initial disagreement with you he eventually fasted on the day you told him was correct. That's a good thing mashaAllah. So what if he acted like he was going to do it anyway. The ego had taken a blow. But he did it anyway mashaAllah.
At times like that we should praise Allah and be happy for that person, that Allah cleared the matter for them. It's also our job to only give advice, not make people act on it.
As muslims, we have to be strong to not let petty conflicts come between ourselves and our brothers and sisters. We can be strong enough to pretend not to see someone's mistake and take it like a bitter medicine, which will only do us good.

It's forbidden for a muslim to not speak to his brother for more than three days. Quit the texts and go and apologize to him in person. If he doesn't accept, then that's his deed, but don't prolong the sin upon yourself any longer.


:wa:

[Hamza Asadullah]

salam,

recently i have had an argument with a friend about when ramadan was going to start, i gave him evidence that it had been announced but he kept arguing, afterwards i found that he then began fasting on the day i said was going to be ramadan and acted like he was going to do that anyway and that he was in the right. after which i stopped speaking to him for a little while. i was then recieving some quite horrible texts from him. i spoke to another friend explaning to him why i didnt want to speak to him and i told him that a situation happens quite a lot with him. he is saying a lot of bad things to me via text. i need some advice on what to do. i want to forgive him as that would be good but he is making things really difficult. i would really appreciate any advice.

Jazakallah khyran

Asalaamu Alaikum Wr Wb, my brother what we have to realise is that we cannot force our views and opinions upon anyone. We can't change someone's thinking by the approach that you took on your friend. We should put our views across in a beautiful manner using wisdom and tact and then leave it at that but we must never force our views upon someone implying that they arre wrong and we are right. In that way a person's defence barriers will come up. You and your friend have known each other for a long time hence why he reacted in such a way to your approach. Therefore you should desist having this approach in future and if you are in disagreement with any matter then put your point across in a beautiful manner using wisdom and tact and then just leave it at that.

You should also not ever let a discussion heat up into an argument. If you feel it getting into an argument then leave the discussion where it is and change the subject. You should also never use abusive words and if he does so then you should have a word with him at a personal level telling him that his words are very hurtful and that he should not get abusive towards you especially in this blessed month of Ramadan whereby he is risking the acceptance of his fast with such behaviour.

Meet with him and sort things out in a gentle manner and make the best of this Ramadan. Work on yourself to improve the way you come across and try to improve on your character as we should all be working on our characters in this most blesed month. Watch this short clip as it is brilliant in summing up how we should approach others when putting our views across or giving dawah:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iR9inax7jFo

And Allah knows best in all matters

[Muslimpreacher]

thank you both for your advice