hating hurtful people

[anonymous]

has anyone hated someone so much that you would want the person to be unhappy for the rest of their days? or better still die ? not very islamic i know, but just wondered....what would be the right way of eliminating the hate from within ?

I dont think there is anything that i could do to stop me from hating that person.

[Amat Allah]

Bismellahi Irrahmani Irraheem

Want to stop?

Say : "My Lord! I seek refuge with You from the whisperings (suggestions) of the Shayatin (devils) and I seek refuge with You, My Lord! lest they may attend (or come near) me." then forgive that person just for the sake of Allah and make Du`aa for him/her to hit the head and step on the nose of satan; who wants to fill our hearts with hate and take us away from Allah and the mercy which He planted in our hearts for His creation...(A`othobellah)...

and always remember that Allah says:

"The good deed and the evil deed cannot be equal. Repel (the evil) with one which is better (i.e. Allah ordered the faithful believers to be patient at the time of anger, and to excuse those who treat them badly), then verily! he, between whom and you there was enmity, (will become) as though he was a close friend. (34) But none is granted it (the above quality) except those who are patient, and none is granted it except the owner of the great portion (of the happiness in the Hereafter i.e. Paradise and in this world of a high moral character). (35) And if an evil whisper from Shaitan (Satan) tries to turn you away (O Muhammad SAW) (from doing good, etc.), then seek refuge in Allah. Verily, He is the All-Hearer, the All-Knower. (36) " Surat Fus`silat

and says Ta`aalaa:

"And march forth in the way (which leads to) forgiveness from your Lord, and for Paradise as wide as are the heavens and the earth, prepared for Al-Muttaqun (the pious - see V. 2:2). (133) Those who spend [in Allah's Cause - deeds of charity, alms, etc.] in prosperity and in adversity, who repress anger, and who pardon men; verily, Allah loves Al-Muhsinun (the good-doers). (134) " Surat Aal`imraan

trust Allah no matter what in everything and seek Allah`s help , support and guidance and you will never ever regret it...(Allah Is your cure)...

return to Qur`aan and Sunnah in shaa Allah and you will find many ways to remove your anger which causing that bad feeling ...

I believe that as long as you are asking how to stop having that bad feeling for that person then what you have in your heart is not hate and you didn`t reach that level yet in shaa Allah,May Allah protect you Ameeen but you are only mad of that person too much...May Allah be with you Ameeeen...

May Allah help you be with you and fill your heart with Iman Taqwa His rememberance love peace warmth the endless happiness and satisfaction and ease everything for you opening all the doors of goodness and success for you and guiding your way to the path of Al Jannah...Ameeeen...

take care of your self...

leaving you under Allah`s sight care and protection...

with all my respect and humility...your sister...

[Salahudeen]

It's natural to dislike someone who's hurt you but if you can remove it from your heart then this is an admirable quality, there was a companion that used to clean his heart every night before he went to sleep so that he had no bad feeling towards any other Muslim and about him the messenger said "He is one of the people of Paradise".

[anonymous]

Salam

Ive tried my best, theres times when i think about this person, and i aint bothered, cos i think ive had a lucky escape, but then theres more times that i actually want him to suffer for what hes done to me, as in be unhappy, or worst still die. I know thats NOT right... to wish for some1's death and its just not me as a person.

this isnt just a case of simply disliking some1 for something they've said etc its a lot deeper and i dont think i can ever forgive that person for what they've done.

If i cant disolve the hate, or forgive does that make me a bad muslimah ?

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[Amat Allah]

Forgiving is an optional thing my sweet heart...its ok, you are a good Muslimah whether you want to take your right from that person (and surely Allah will give it to you completely and justly) or want to give up your right and forgive that person just for Allah`s sake (then you will take from Allah more than what you may imagine)...

you are not a bad person my dear... May Allah love you and be pleased with you always and for ever...Ameeeen

I love you for the sake of Allah...^^

[Salahudeen]

You just can't forgive some people because of the damage they've caused in your life. Somebody did magic on a member of my family and I can't forgive him ever for what he done because I went through hell as a result of his actions.

I don't see why you should forgive if someone has done damage to you, maybe if they acknowledge what they did was wrong, apologize and then ask for your forgivness in that case I would have no problem forgiving them as they are being remorseful. But if they don't even apologize and ask for forgivness I don't think I'd ever forgive them.

You're feeling angry because of what he done to you, you want him to be inflicted with the same pain he inflicted upon you, this is understandable, if someone hurt me I would want them to feel the same pain they put me through, so they understand what they put me through and see how they like it.

But in some cases you can't take revenge on that person so it's better to leave it to Allah on the day of judgement. Allah will take some of his good deeds and put them on your scale if he has indeed wronged you. Take comfort in the fact a day of judgement exists where all the crimnals and wrong doers will be brought to justice.

[Ğħαrєєвαħ]

If i cant disolve the hate, or forgive does that make me a bad muslimah ?

Aslaamu`Alaaykum sis

Well it would make you bad, because a muslimah never hates, someone who hates and looks down upon others is sort of classed as bad character.
But i totally understand your situation, ask Allaah to take your hate away and change it into goodness, willing good upon every human especially your brother/sister in Islaam. At the end of the day Allaah created him and to him he belongs and to him he will return, leave it to Allaah to judge.
So ask Allaah to let him realise the wrong he/she has done and let him ask for forgiveness. Make Dua to Allaah, have trust,have patience.

I shall also keep you in my Duas , May Allaah grant you happiness in this life and the hereafter Ameen
And remember Allaah is our Goal, so before you think of doing anyhing, think first whether Allaah will be pleased with this!

Wa`Alaaykum Salaam

[Salahudeen]

^But are you going to not hate someone who inflicts pain upon you? This is natural to hate someone who hurts you. What is a person supposed to do, love someone who hurts them? If someone comes now and spits on you, you will feel hate towards this person won't you? Or will you say "Hey don't worry about it spit on me again"

This brings another interesting question into my head, is it wrong to hate shaytaan since "a muslimah never hates someone" Or do you like the shaytaan?

What if a man rapes you, are you going to say "It's ok I musn't hate anyone because it will make me a bad muslimah, so it doesn't matter that he raped me"

Of course you won't say that, you will feel immense hate towards him and want to kill him and if someone told you that you were a bad person for hating you'd be like HUH?

I think hate is a valid emotion to feel depending upon the situation and circumstances. And the OP hasn't given us the circumstances so we can not really say if her hate is justified or not Allah hu alam.

[Alpha Dude]

I agree with squiggle.. If this person has never sought forgiveness or even bothered to make amends, then hate is understandable. Although the superior option would usually always be, depending on the context, to forgive.

I'll add that if this person has expressly sought forgiveness and/or you have at one point wholeheartedly forgiven him, then it would be better to let it go and not have hate.

If the person is the kind that you would be able to chat with, perhaps you can talk to him about it and let him know how you feel? Make him feel remorse and perhaps that would let you drop the hate, knowing that he feels guilty.

[Ğħαrєєвαħ]

^But are you going to not hate someone who inflicts pain upon you? This is natural to hate someone who hurts you. What is a person supposed to do, love someone who hurts them? If someone comes now and spits on you, you will feel hate towards this person won't you? Or will you say "Hey don't worry about it spit on me again"

This brings another interesting question into my head, is it wrong to hate shaytaan since "a muslimah never hates someone" Or do you like the shaytaan?

What if a man rapes you, are you going to say "It's ok I musn't hate anyone because it will make me a bad muslimah, so it doesn't matter that he raped me"

Of course you won't say that, you will feel immense hate towards him and want to kill him and if someone told you that you were a bad person for hating you'd be like HUH?

I think hate is a valid emotion to feel depending upon the situation and circumstances. And the OP hasn't given us the circumstances so we can not really say if her hate is justified or not Allah hu alam.

Aslaamu`Alaaykum

I agree but ofcourse we as humans are gonna hate someone when such and such thing occurs/happens in our life. Its like saying, if someone hits you, lets him em back, ofcourse your gonna hate, but your not gonna sit and hate that person all your life are you? there must be some chance of "forgiveness" right? Maybe we have different meanings of hate :-\, lol ofcourse i would hate someone who spat on me or the others you mentioned, but what are you gonna sit saying "I hate em" all your life? as a burden on your head, because sometimes it depends on the person you say it to, they would either be ignorant when you try tell "hey dont spit on me, thats disgusting and rude" and they just continue to spit, whats the point? why bother? either forgive and forget it. InshaAllaah that person will learn one day the difference between right and wrong.

Hating people is normal, a normal emotion. but if someone raped someone ofcourse this relies on the shariah law in how to deal with the culprit not on you, they should be punished, but obviously as a victim they will hate them, when theres punishment then InshaAllaah there is Justice.

I believe it depends on the situaion either someone can be hated for big reasons and either for small,if that makes sense :-\

But forgive me if ive said anything wrong or harsh.

And Allaah knows Best

Wa`Alaaykum Salaam

[gladTidings]

InshAllah time itself will diminish this hatred, in the mean time, be patient sis. Hate really is destructive, try to forget the person in question and their actions. Make an excuse for them maybe? I know too well how hard it is but no matter how much they have hurt you, their life or death is not in your hands. It should not matter to you. Keep yourself focused on your own journey whether you chose to forgive him or not.

[cat eyes]

Salam

Ive tried my best, theres times when i think about this person, and i aint bothered, cos i think ive had a lucky escape, but then theres more times that i actually want him to suffer for what hes done to me, as in be unhappy, or worst still die. I know thats NOT right... to wish for some1's death and its just not me as a person.

this isnt just a case of simply disliking some1 for something they've said etc its a lot deeper and i dont think i can ever forgive that person for what they've done.

If i cant disolve the hate, or forgive does that make me a bad muslimah ?

this would come under cursing the person.. and my advice is don't do it because you'd be only harming yourself if you wished such a thing.

So always think about this before you have these bad thoughts that maybe Allah might punish me for thinking this.. we are human and you are going to hate but we have the ability to control too believe me when you think about Allah anything is possible when you have imaan. don't throw that away for some loser who is probably gona end up getting some worldly punishment anyway.

this is what works for me anyways.

[anonymous]

squiggle If i could clean my heart of hate, then i wouldnt be feeling the way i do. I wish i could, but i aint capable of doing that with this person. i know its wrong to think bad of some1 even if they have wronged you in anyway, as a muslim ive always had the idea one should try and look past certain things, but this time i cant. I think hate is a natural emotion, somtimes its just difficult to know how to deal with it. my circumstances are personal to me, but its nothing to do with anything physical just for the record. as a woman i think its difficult to control ones emotions and were not like you guys who can just brush past things. (no offense to any brothers, thats just the way it comes across sumtimes)

Ive told this person on numerous occassions, but he wasnt remorseful or apologetic for what hes done, tbh i dont even think hes thinks hes done anything wrong. I just feel its wrong that he gets to live his life wen hes done what he has to me, and doesnt acknowledge hes sinned.

[anonymous]

this would come under cursing the person.. and my advice is don't do it because you'd be only harming yourself if you wished such a thing.

So always think about this before you have these bad thoughts that maybe Allah might punish me for thinking this.. we are human and you are going to hate but we have the ability to control too believe me when you think about Allah anything is possible when you have imaan. don't throw that away for some loser who is probably gona end up getting some worldly punishment anyway.

this is what works for me anyways.

Cursing is a sin right ? but sometimes a person cant be strong enuf to not do this esp when some1 has inflicted hurt on another person with no remorse. If i knew he would get wordly punishment, then seriously, i would be more than content with that, cos maybe he would realise.

[Salahudeen]

Sister I understand, don't worry, judgement days exists for the person who has been wronged, on this day justice will be done inshAllah. There is many people on the Earth who have been wronged and have not been given justice, for example look at the people of Palestine, they feel this hate that you describe also towards Israel and so does every Muslim, we all desire justice in this situation. Think of how many babies have been killed, women raped, loved family members lost as a result of what's happening in that part of the world. But the sad reality is many of the victims will not see justice done in this lifetime but on the day of judgement they will see justice done InshAllah.

There are so many crimes comitted without justice being done but don't worry this is why there is a day of judgement where the good shall prosper and the evil shall be punished.

[Hamza Asadullah]

Cursing is a sin right ? but sometimes a person cant be strong enuf to not do this esp when some1 has inflicted hurt on another person with no remorse. If i knew he would get wordly punishment, then seriously, i would be more than content with that, cos maybe he would realise.

Asalaamu Alaikum Wr Wb, was or is this person married to you or is he a mahram relation of yours?

[anonymous]

Asalaamu Alaikum Wr Wb, was or is this person married to you or is he a mahram relation of yours?

Neither.

he was someone i foolishly trusted, and before you say it, yes i know ive only myself to blame. at least i can be content that he'll get his punishment too one day.

[Hamza Asadullah]

Neither.

he was someone i foolishly trusted, and before you say it, yes i know ive only myself to blame. at least i can be content that he'll get his punishment too one day.

Asalaamu Alaikum Wr Wb, my sister you should also hate the fact that you allowed yourself to get into such a relationship. Hatred and bitterness will never benefit you and not allow you to go forward in life. Accept that it was your own decision to get into such a relationshiop for no one forced you to. You knew the possible consequances and that such relationships are forbidden.

At least you have acknowledged that if you never got into such a haraam relationship in the first place this would never have happened. This is one of the reasons why relationship before marriage are forbidden because a relationship is not marriage and it is not a guarantee for marriage.

You can now learn from this and move on with your life but you should repent to Allah for ever getting into such a relationship and you should never get into such a relationship outside marriage again for these relationships are always devoid of any blessings and only cause pain and anguish. Go about marriage in the right way through your wali for this way Allah will bless such a marriage and you will never get hurt in this way again. Make the best of these last few days of Ramadan and let us make the necessery changes in our lives for time is not on our side and death may come at ANY second!

Ask of Allah to heal your heart and it will take time but you need to think to yourself that you have wasted enough time already with this relationship and you do not want to waste anymore. Strive to be closer to Allah and remember him as much as you can for ONLY in his rememrance do hearts find peace. Please remember me in your dua's to.

[cat eyes]

Neither.

he was someone i foolishly trusted, and before you say it, yes i know ive only myself to blame. at least i can be content that he'll get his punishment too one day.

just make sincere dua that you should forget about this person whoever they might be and Allah will never let you down don't worry sister:)