just a few thoughts:
- a lot of people think that siblings only don't get along in their childhood and teens, but even when in their 50's some people still may have some kind of rivalry with their siblings. sometimes its due to something that has happened in childhood that hasn't properly been resolved/healed. sometimes its just a a genuine misunderstanding on both parts.
- this isn't going to be easy, but even when your siblings wrong you, you must always do good by them and never wrong them in return. you don't have to love them or agree with the wronging they do to you, but always remember that what happens to you ,and how your react to it, are 2 different things. she is responsible for her actions, and so are you. you should never give in to the person by wronging them (even if they wrong you), because believe it or not, you are left under their mercy. whereas if you just stick to your guns even in face of adversity, they cant harm you.
btw, by wronging the person, i don't mean you should be a door mat and let them do to you whatever they want to you (you should absolutely stand up for yourself). this is something different. im talking about the wronging where it is more than what they do to you. for example, if they say something bad to you, and you turn around by breaking their nose or something extreme like that...this is uncalled for.
- when dealing with family/blood ties alot of delicacy is required. again, this is hard. what i mean, is that even if they wrong you, and you have the chance and means to stand up for yourself, sometimes the best thing to do is to swallow it. it will really hurt, but you have to try think ahead of the possible consequences and that is your relationship with that person turning more bitter and sour then it is, thus risking cutting ties (if you ever want to get back at someone, try to perfect and make your better your relationship with Allah then them).
- you don't have to take heed and listen to what people say. what people say and feel about you are THEIR opinions ONLY. just because (for eg) someone tell you you are stupid, it doesn't make you stupid. just because (again for eg) someone tells you are ugly, it doesn't make you ugly. in fact, sometimes when people say these things to you, in affect all they are saying is "i think you're d bomb." i kid not, people will degrade, humiliate, and perhaps to the extent of manipulate you into thinking ill of your own self (such as that you're unintelligent, etc) not because they dislike you, but because you are their rivals and they know it and cant stand the fact that you are better then them.
pay no heed to what they say, at the end of the day, it is THEIR OPINION ONLY.
for eg this:
and she laughed in my face, saying that it was going to be a mission finding me a husband cos im past it and no1 wants to marry me.
by her judgment only. who says that married people have it better anyway? dont they go through hardships as well? doesn't love and marriage turn sour as well?
try not to be sensitive like this. it will be hard at first, but these trials are a blessing in disguise because they are character building. eventually, inshallah you will learn how to deal with them and what and what not to bother you. over time inshallah, you will realise that what they say is nothing short of rubbish and thus it wont bother you anymore.
-being inferior to someone is hard, but uit also reaps many fruits. for one, it outs you in your place and compels you to be humble. it also gives you this sincere care and understanding towards others who are in your shoes. another thing....honestly tell me, would you really like to be the opposed to the oppressor. do you think the oppressor is better? more powerful? wrong, so very wrong. its funny how oppressors think they are great, but are so oblivious to the dua that may be made against them by the one they oppress. pretty terrifying don't you think? (im not telling you make dua against your sister btw)
-continue being kind to her as your relative. you don't have to love her or agree with what she is doing, but the fact that she is your relative and you have an obligation...well just let be your light when in the dark.
-make dua when you feel weak and feel like throwing the towel in.
-when you preach to people and you don't want her to butt in, preach to them in private so that she doesn't include negative comments and thus put doubts in thier minds. firm good relationships with people (without her knowing if possible) so that they can love you adn thus love what you preach.
a few weeks ago in a conversation to my mum, we were discussing music and i mentioned how certain types werent islamic like qawali/western etc. she was sat in the same room and sed, " i dont know where she gets her information from? i wud love to know which scholar she follows cos he talks bullsh** like her.
this is why^