format_quote Originally Posted by
Pure Imaan
I hope everyone is well insh'allah.
My father has very bad anger problems, he is very paraniod and starts swearing and shouting very loud, to the point where it scares me brothers and sisters, I am extremely concerned about him becuase he does not listen to anyone and only does what he think is best, but not everyone is perfect, meaning that everyone in this dunya needs advice, support and help, but my dad thinks otherwise and thinks he does not need anyone.
Does anyone know of any specfic surah from the Qu'ran, a dua anything that I can read becuase the anger is tearing my family apart.
Please help. imsadimsad
Asalaamu Alaikum Wr Wb, jazakallahu khayran for sharing your sensative issue with us.
My brother it is very difficult for our elders to change because once a person gets to a certain age then a person will be "set in their ways" and changing becomes very difficult. That is why it is easier to change when one is younger. It is not impossible to change but it just becomes that much harder.
Therefore know that your father is set in his ways. But you can do things to soften his heart and make him realise that what he is doing is not right so that he may internalise the necessery changes in the way he behaves towards his family.
Here are some suggestions how you can do this:
1. Try and find the opportunity when you are alone with him and you know that he is in a good mood and when you have found this opportunity then talk to him and open up to him. Share your feelings with him and tell him how you feel in that you want this family to become closer not further apart.
Be very gentle in your approach and NEVER attack him with words or become argumentative for this will have the opposite affect and raising one's voice towards ones parents is a major sin and no matter how ones parents are towards us we must ALWAYS lower our tone and and be the best towards them. This is because Allah has given high status to our parents and the way we are towards our parents our children wil be towards us. Just lower your tone and share your feelings with him and open up to him. Tell him you want to be closer to him and you want the family to get on and be happy togather and that you don't like all of the arguments and shouting etc.
Once your father really knows how you feel then this may soften his heart and he would want to be different towards his family inshallah.
2. If this does not work then you can try and speak to a trustworthy and close elder of the family who you know your father will respect and look up to. This way the elder can indirectly have a word with your father so that he may realise that his behaviour is not on.
3. Know when your father is not in a good mood or you can tell he will get anrgy and avoid him in those situations. If you know his behavorial pattern then you can work around it by being away from him when he is in a bad mood and you can be with him when he is in a good mood. Know what triggers your father off and try to avoid these triggers from occuring if you can. Tell the family to do the same. This way life would be much easier inshallah.
2. Another suggestion would be to spend more time with your father. Talk to him ask him about his day. Do activities with him and just have fun with him. This will create a closer bond with your father and he will become different towards you and your family inshallah
3. Another suggestion would be to give gifts to your father for this would soften his heart. Tell him he is loved and that you care for him. Surely any fathers heart would be tenderised when they are shown that their children love and care for them.
4. When you are sitting with your father in front of the TV then put on an Islamic channel and watch it with him. Flick through the Islamic channels to see if any good lectures are on and watch it together. If you can get hold of any good Islamic lectures on DVD or video then play it and watch it together with your father. Put a good Islamic book in the room where you know he may come across it and maybe pick it up and start reading it. There maybe something he comes across whereby Allah may unseal his heart so that he may be given guidance.
5. Ensure there are no pictures of people or animals on the walls. Tell your mother and sisters to always pray Salaah at home and to also recite Qur'an in the home. Men should pray at the Masjid so alwasy attend Masjid for your fard prayers. Even if it is for a short while then read a few paragraphs from a good Islamic book with your family. This way the house will have peace and blessings which will ensure that it has more peace in it.
6. Always make dua for your father and ask all of your family to do the same. Ask of Allah to help and guide him and for him to treat you and your family better. Ask of Allah to forgive him and help him change for the better. Ask of Allah to save him from the torment of the grave and from the fire of Hell. Most of all ask of Allah to give your fathr the ability to ask of Allah for forgiveness.
7. Be patient. Patience is a great virtue and a person who aquires it has EVERYTHING. Without patience life would become EXTREMELY difficult for anyone. Therefore be patient towards your father and know that he will not be around forever so in the meanwhile be the best towards him even if he is oppressive towards you. Your reward is not with him or anyone else but your reward is with Allah! Allah will reward you abundantley for it. Tell the same to your family and encourage them to become closer to Allah and to practise patience.
Allah is with those who are patient and surely the reward of patience is Paradise!
And Allah knows best in all matters