most disgraceful muslimah ever. regrets.

[anonymous]

i was 'practicing' the jilbab in college. but in the 1st year of my university course, i got close to a boy and we got into a relationship and obviously with that comes a great deal of sin. i done some stuff that i am not proud of at all. i feel horrible, i prayed for Allah to have mercy on me. i was blind, naive and just plain stupid. i threw away my self-respect, dignity and the whole purpose of covering. after 3 months of arguments, i told him we couldnt be together. i feel so ashamed of telling anyone and so have denied it if ever asked, theyll never see me the same way, everyone thinks im so practicing but i am not, i have never said i am either. year or so on, i have learnt so much. my head is straight and i am in forever repentance of my sins. i dont know what to do because his ex girlfriend is now saying stuff about me. and i feel like i can never move out o the past, it seems like i cant forget what i have done and move on.
i have so much hate for him that i cant understand as he jusy turned out to be a liar and was in a reationship with someone else at the time.
apart from that major mistake, i try not to hurt people and i understand that i hurt my family in the process behind thir backs but i try to rectify what ive done. ive also gotton closer to my mom.
but now his ex girlfriend is indirectly making comments and revealing my mistakes as are some of my relatives who have made certain comments.
i kno what i have done is so wrong, im a disgraceful person, i beleieving the hell fire will be my abode. i know allah is the most merciful but i feel like im not forgiven. i dont udnerstand what to do.
i want to see a councillor, i want to tell my friends the truth but i cant bring myself to doing it. i want to tell my family but i am so scared of what will follow.
im going insane. i feel like i have some psychological problems that wont ever get fixed. im a liar, a horrible person and ive shamed myself and my family.
:(:(

[aadil77]

Sis repent sincerely and pray to Allah to conceal your deeds, don't ever reveal your past to others even if they keep asking - your past is between you and Allah - its none of anyone else's business.

I hope you made the most of ramadhan as ramadhan was the month of forgivness, inshAllah if you've repented sincerely you will be forgiven.

Take steps to avoid making similar mistakes again, if you want companionship - get yourself married. Move forward with the intention to avoid all kinds of sinful acts, keep praying, doing tauba and things will be ok InshAllah.

[Ummu Sufyaan]

:sl:
1. mabrook on "reverting" may allah keep your steadfast through your trials with people and the troubles they bring.

2. your sins are your sins and no-one else. do you go around telling everyone your good deeds? dont tell anyone of your mishaps unless a) you trust them with your life (cos then they have the consideration not to blab) and b) you need genuine advise about something. other than that, keep it to your self. so dont tell anyone unless you need advise and the person you do tell, ensure that they are very trustworthy.

3. alhamdulillah you broke up with him. doesn't sound like the ideal husband to me =). someone who has repented from their sins, deserves someone like that as well..and cheating 2 women doesn't sound like someone who is fit to be head of a household.

his ex girlfriend is probably just acting on jealously and is making the most out of the fact that you aren't with him...you know like she's just trying to jump on the band wagon... she may just be trying to win him back...you killed his ego, she wants to pamper it to get back with him...or even get back at you for being with him. pay no heed to her.

4. do you seriously despair of Allah's mercy. don't do that, it's a great loss.

p.s i dont think you need a counselor either...=)

[Snowflake]

:sl: Ukhti, you're not the most disgraceful muslimah ever. If you were, you'd not have felt this bad and repented. Al hamdulillah you realized before things got worse, or you repeated your mistake.
Allah is Merciful and saved you from worse. I'm happy you repented and inshaAllah will continue to do so. But there is no need to tell anyone what happened. You'll only be confirming what people already think. Rather focus on your deen and continue to make repentance, and strive hard for the here-after. Learn al Quran if you don't know it, and don't just stop there. Teach it to others for the love of Allah and so that He, The Praise worthy and Glorified can add it to your scales of good deeds inshaAllah. It will also be a means of saqada jariah (ongoing reward after death) inshaAllah. The Ummah is crying out for guidence. We can never do enough. So make something that's not obligatory but benefits your deen, duniya, akhirah, and the ummah a big part of your life. Don't worry about the duniya. Turn to Allah every time. Seek refuge in Him, and shun the rest. May Allah give you and us the tawfeek to live our lives for His pleasure. Ameen



:wa:

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[Alpha Dude]

i want to see a councillor, i want to tell my friends the truth but i cant bring myself to doing it. i want to tell my family but i am so scared of what will follow.

It is a sin to expose what Allah has kept covered/hidden for you. As the hadith says, we are all sinners but the best of sinners is the one that repents sincerely.

im going insane. i feel like i have some psychological problems that wont ever get fixed. im a liar, a horrible person and ive shamed myself and my family.
:(:(

This is not a psychological problem that you need some wack therapy over, sister. It's a natural human emotion called 'guilt'. :)

Try and use this sin of yours as a means of maintaining humility (try not to judge others as you know yourself how easy it is to sin).

[Ramadhan]

Allah says in the Qur'an (I can't remember the exact ayah) that for anyone who repent sincerely (taubatan nasuha), Allah will turn their past bad deeds/mistakes into rewards InsyaAllah.

Allah has guided you back to the right path Alhamdulillah, keep making du'a that your sins will be forgiven and asks Alah SWT constantly to keep you on the straight path and asks Allah SWT to conceal all your sins.
Especially in your shalah when you are sitting between two sujood, really mean it when you are making supplication:
rabbighfirli warhamny wajburni warfa'ni warzuqni wahdini wa'afini
(O Lord please forgive my sins, please have mercy on me, please conceal my sins, please raise my status, please provide me with rizqi, please keep my steadfast in my deen, and please give me good health)

[anonymous]

i am a firm beleiver that Allah realy does guide whom He wills. and I am so grateful he saved me. i just feel so disgusting. i feel like im never guna get forgiven. i feel like i deserve this. this is my punishment for being so deluded and stupid.
i just feel like ive been in this whole for so long. i repent and i feel like i'm becoming a better muslim. But i feel like hipocrite when i advise and see other girls doing wrong by themseleves like i did. i feel like a hipocrite when i give naseehah, i dont feel like i am in any position to. i hate myself and what i done. and if i could go back, i would never have done it. im so insecure about myself. when i go out, i feel people know and it makes me want to remove my jilbab. thats what makes it worse. i lost all my self dignity a long time ago, and all the years of respect i gained, i chuked it away. A lot of people know what I did, well i think, so doesnt it make a sin denying it?
with respect to his ex, i think he is involved, obviously he must have told her about us, because it sure didnt come from me. he is so evil and so horible, i cant describe. i dont know how people can hurt others like that. i expect no better of him. i should have listened when people told me. i should have listened to myself but i didnt.
how can i be forigiven for what ive done? i feel disgsuted and ashamed. i wsh no one knew me, i dont know what to do. im such a hipocrite.
on top of that, i feel like i deserve to be put through this. when i get angry, i say so much, i even reveal others sins, so i deserve this dont i. Allah is trying to punish me. i try to, i know so much stuff that i keep bottled in, just out of the fear of Allah. i am quite a trustworthy person but sometimes i say stuff which i shouldnt. out of anger.
my mum thinks so highly of me, she'd neveer have ever imagined i'd do what i have. how can i be so stupid :(:( shell be heartbroken if she kenw i was in a relationship with a guy.
i feel awful, just reading the replies made e cry. i feel extra emotional today and i just dont know what to do. its eating me up, having to keep lie and having to have this massive weight on my shoulders.
my siblings also look up to me. but in the mirror, all i see is a hipocrite.
:(:(:(
thanks for replying, sorry for the lengthy message. i just feel so anxious and upset. :(

[Salahudeen]

Ali Ibn Abi Talib said "Allah does not inspire a slave whom he wishes to punish to seek forgivness" so inshAllah everything will be ok. This life is only a day long just be patient and carry on striving.

[Ğħαrєєвαħ]

Aslaamu`Alaaykum sis

What brother Bedoin mentioned about the hadith where the the best of sinners is the one that repents, indeed!
Dear uktee if Allaah did not love you, why would he ask you to ask him for forgiveness? As Allaah sent the surah At-Tawbah-The repentance for us. I am sorry to hear about your situation , i guess we must have all fallen in that trap in some point of our life, but if you turn to Allaah he forgives those who repent with sincerety! Maybe the words of Allaah shall confort you?

You are one of Allaahs servant, in this verse Allaah is speaking to you
Say: "O my Servants who have transgressed against their souls! Despair not of the Mercy of Allah: for Allah forgives all sins: for He is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful. [Al Quraan 39:53]

"And (commanding you): \"Seek the forgiveness of your Lord, and turn to Him in repentance, that He may grant you good enjoyment, for a term appointed, and bestow His abounding Grace to every owner of grace (i.e. the one who helps and serves needy and deserving, physically and with his wealth, and even with good words). But if you turn away, then I fear for you the torment of a Great Day (i.e. the Day of Resurrection)." (Surah Al Hood verse 3)

Hope this helps inshaAllaah

There is not a sin Allaah doesnt forgive except with sincere repentance. May Allaah accept your forgiveness and make the hardship with dealing with others easy Ameen

Wa`Alaaykum Salaaam

[Woodrow]

I am always overwhelmed at the piety it takes for a person to see their own sins as being the worse and knowing they are now on the path of repentance. Please remember me in your Du'as Ukhti, may my heart become as close in love for Allaah(swt) as yours is.

Far better to be a sinner who repents than a person who believes their sins are minimal without the need for repentance. That person would be the worse Muslim or Muslimah.

[Hamza Asadullah]

i am a firm beleiver that Allah realy does guide whom He wills. and I am so grateful he saved me. i just feel so disgusting. i feel like im never guna get forgiven. i feel like i deserve this. this is my punishment for being so deluded and stupid.
i just feel like ive been in this whole for so long. i repent and i feel like i'm becoming a better muslim. But i feel like hipocrite when i advise and see other girls doing wrong by themseleves like i did. i feel like a hipocrite when i give naseehah, i dont feel like i am in any position to. i hate myself and what i done. and if i could go back, i would never have done it. im so insecure about myself. when i go out, i feel people know and it makes me want to remove my jilbab. thats what makes it worse. i lost all my self dignity a long time ago, and all the years of respect i gained, i chuked it away. A lot of people know what I did, well i think, so doesnt it make a sin denying it?
with respect to his ex, i think he is involved, obviously he must have told her about us, because it sure didnt come from me. he is so evil and so horible, i cant describe. i dont know how people can hurt others like that. i expect no better of him. i should have listened when people told me. i should have listened to myself but i didnt.
how can i be forigiven for what ive done? i feel disgsuted and ashamed. i wsh no one knew me, i dont know what to do. im such a hipocrite.
on top of that, i feel like i deserve to be put through this. when i get angry, i say so much, i even reveal others sins, so i deserve this dont i. Allah is trying to punish me. i try to, i know so much stuff that i keep bottled in, just out of the fear of Allah. i am quite a trustworthy person but sometimes i say stuff which i shouldnt. out of anger.
my mum thinks so highly of me, she'd neveer have ever imagined i'd do what i have. how can i be so stupid :(:( shell be heartbroken if she kenw i was in a relationship with a guy.
i feel awful, just reading the replies made e cry. i feel extra emotional today and i just dont know what to do. its eating me up, having to keep lie and having to have this massive weight on my shoulders.
my siblings also look up to me. but in the mirror, all i see is a hipocrite.
:(:(:(
thanks for replying, sorry for the lengthy message. i just feel so anxious and upset. :(

Asalaamu Alaikum Wr Wb, My sister know that Allah's mercy, compassion and forgiveness are all encompassing and his mercy is one of his most important and significant qualities of the almighty in the Qur’an, as well as in the saying and teachings of Prophet Muhammad (Sallallahu Alayhi Wasallim).

In a Hadith Qudsi Allah states:

"O son of Adam, as long as you call upon Me and put your hope in Me, I have forgiven you for what you have done and I do not mind. O son of Adam, if your sins were to reach the clouds of the sky and then you would seek My forgiveness, I would forgive you. O son of Adam, if you were to come to Me with sins that are close to filling the earth and then you would meet Me without ascribing any partners with Me, I would certainly bring to you forgiveness close to filling it."

In this Hadithi Qudsi, Allah gives hope to mankind more than any other narration. It displays the quality and attribute of Allahs mercy. Indeed, He is ar-Rahman, the Most Compassionate, and ar-Raheem, the Most Merciful. In this Hadithi Qudsi, Allah tells man of the greatness of His forgiveness and mercy so that no one would despair due to the amount of sins he may have committed. This is supported by the following verse of the Holy Quran:

Say: O My servants who have transgressed against their own souls, despair not of the mercy of Allah. Indeed, Allah forgives all sins. Truly, He is Most Forgiving, Most Merciful. (Surah az-Zumar 39:53)

Approximately 113 chapters of the Holy Qur’an begin with: "In the name of Allah the Most-Compassionate; the Most-Merciful".

Therefore my sister it is part of being a faithful Muslim and servant of Allah that when we ask of Allah for forgiveness that we have hope in his mercy:

Indeed, no one despairs of relief from Allah except the disbelieving people. (Surah Yusuf 12:87)

There one must be hopeful of Allahs mercy and forgiveness and fearful of His punishment. It is this fear that should lead one to seek Allahs forgiveness with hope. Allah says:

Know that Allah is severe in punishment and that Allah is Forgiving and Merciful. (Surat al-Maaidah 5:98)

These are constant reminders to all who read the Qur’an of the great mercy, compassion and forgiveness of almighty Allah. So my sister do not despair for whatever wrongs you have done if you have repented sincerely out of remorsefullness with the intention to NEVER commit the sin again then surely Allah the most merciful will forgive you and so surely you should have hope in the mercy of Allah.

My dear sister the way Allah has created us humans is that we err and make mistakes and then learn from them. What kind of human would we be if we always did the right things in our life? If we as humans did not fall into error and make mistakes then we will NEVER learn and become better people. Therefore in order for us to progress and become better people we have to make mistakes.

It does not mean that we do those mistakes purposely but as you mentioned you were naive and stupid and you fell into error and therefore you have now become a better person. We learn from our failues not our successes. If we always succeeded then how will we ever become better people?

So my sister you should think to yourself that "I have fallen into error like every human on earth has but i have learnt from my mistakes now and am a better person for it and will not let anyone judge me because ONLY Allah can judge me and he knows that i made a big mistake but i am a different person now and not that same person in the past."

Internalise this in your mind and realise that it is shaythan who is wanting to ruin you so that you can waste time and not progress in life and in deen. He is not wanting you to get closer to Allah and so is messing with your head wanting to disillusion you. Will you let your eternal enemy ruin you in this way so that you don't get close to Allah? Disregard your sworn enemy and go towards Allah and do not let anything or anyone stop you because they are all hurdles in the way of you becoming closer to Allah. Get over those hurdles and strive to be the closest to Allah. We do not have time to waste my sister for this life is so short so will you let your past sion waste any more of your precious seconds? How much time have you already wasted on your past? Why waste anymore?

You have done a big mistake and learnt from it and now you are a better person so your goal should be to strive to be the closest to Allah and please him but don't waste anymore time on your past but what is important is NOW and the FUTURE. Shaythan knows this and is not wanting you to move on so that you waste more time for he does not want you to go towards Allah. So reject your sworn enemy and disregard yor past now.

You have your self respect and dignity back right after you left him so again disregard shaythan because you are not that same person and you have repented so how can you lose hope in Allah's mercy when Allah has told you in the Qur'an that only disbelievers lose hope in the mercy of Allah? So do NOT lose hope in the mercy of Allah. It is time for you to get over what has happened and focus on now and the future. Focus on improving yourself on a daily basis and in getting closer to Allah and pleasing him.

Do not tell anyone of your past sins but use your experiences to help other sisters in the same situation so that they may avoid what happened to you. You can help them more effectively inshallah and you should not feel bad about forbidding evil for again it is shaythan who is not wanting you to help anyone else because he wants those sisters to also get hurt and in pain so that they may also sin and waste time in their life so that they may be destroyed.

Therefore increase in giving dawah to other sisters. Invite them towards good and forbid evil. Help them to get out of relationships and bring them towards the worship of Allah. Send good and beneficial Islamic texts, e mails etc. Involve yourself in the sisters Islamic society at your University and local area. Learn about deen and practise Islam as much as you can. The past does NOT matter but what matters is that we learn from it and take good things from it and become better people so that we can do the best now and in the future.

Don't always think others look down on you because firstly you do not know for sure that they know exactley what happened and secondly even if they do they have probably done worse and thirdly it is not between them and you but it is between you and Allah so why not always remember this in your mind? ONLY ALLAH CAN JUDGE YOU - Simple!

So it is now time to move forward with your life knowing that the past is behind you and that you have now learnt from it and are a better person now. You have also realised that it is human to err and learn from their mistakes. You also realise that a person learns from their failures not their successes. You can now also have FULL hope of the mercy and forgiveness of Allah and know that Allah even encourages this in the Qur'an so if you are doubtful of this then it is from shaythan who is wanting to disillusion you.

Just make the best of your life and every second of it pleasing Allah and be the best towards others. Let them look at you and say what you want for you are a different person now and your focus is to improve yourself and get as close to Allah as possible striving to please him. You can also bare in your mind always that everything you have done in your past is NOT between you and anyone else but you and Allah.

Though it is hard just forgive in your heart everyone who has hurt you in your life and know that Allah loves it when a servant forgives others and if you forgive from your heart and leave it to Allah then your heart will move forward quicker for bitterness in the heart is not good so free your heart from it.

Allah is wanting you closer to him so will you not go towards Allah? Or will you continue to listen to your enemy shaythan who hates you and only wants you with him in Jahannam!

My sister i hope that helped. Please remember me in your dua's and make the best of your life now for today is a new beginning for you and from today you will move forward and towards Allah free from your past!

And Allah knows best in all matters