Problems with having a non-religious consumerist family

[Amoeba]

Well my family are all non-religious and hold many typical western ideals and traditions that they want me to continue to participate in. Before I said shahada I was only doing these things because I felt I had to. Now I know I shouldn't. These are:

Birthdays
Christmas
Easter

There is no religious purpose for them celebrating these events. They just do it because "everyone else does" and because they "like the atmosphere". However they consider it so important too. I am confused at this. Anyway on to the point...

They would probably never forgive me if I didn't participate! They want me to buy gifts and take part in their celebration. If I don't it'll be like I'm ruining it for everyone apparently. I have two little brothers, the littlest one has a birthday in two months. If I don't get him anything it could upset the whole family and I'll be in everyone's bad books. Same with my other little brother, my parents, everyone. And we're only just recovering too from me being in everyone's bad books before... I'm only just starting to get along with everyone again.

What can I do? What exactly is permissible and what isn't? How can I explain to everyone?

[ghost]

Celebrating a non Islamic event is forbidden because we don't believe in their religion therefore we don't practice their religion.

Regarding birthdays, some say celebrating them is a form of innovation (bidah) others say its shirk and others say its fine provided the celebrations aren't haram (some people like to celebrate by going to a strip club). I cannot reference anything as I am writing this from my phone.

I can't see the harm in buying a present for your brother, I suggest buying him a Quran :D

Ultimately when it comes to these kinds of things you must differentiate between which is halal and which is haraam. And then stay away from the haraam for fear of Allah's punishment. Also by staying away from haraam you will also get rewarded by your Lord Inshallah. This is irregardless of whether the people involved are family or not, your duty to Allah comes first.

Also why is a single celled organism such as yourself worried about this stuff? You're single celled.

Also you have no idea how hard it is to reply to a thread using a phone, the browser really hates the text box.

And yes, I did just write three useless sentences and within them complain about how difficult it was to write them. I am bored.

[Amoeba]

My family told me not to do anything that would cause them to start probing and asking questions. As much as I'd love to teach them about islam, 1) I feel I'm in no position of knowledge to teach them and 2) They're not my children and thus I have no right to teach them something their (my) own parents explicitly told me not to. Plus, I don't think he's got the grasp of reading yet, he's only coming up for three years old.

This really troubles me because as I said I'm trying to stay on their good side. I really, really need to be able to do what's right while also not making them fall out with me all over again! I know the only case we should disobey our parents is when they are telling us to do something that is wrong. The older one, who is seven, would be so disappointed if I wasn't at least there. I don't think my mum would forgive me.

See, I don't kow if it is wrong for me to just be present visiting the family during their celebration. I certainly have never wanted to take part for years now and the most I ever did was buy a gift and eat food and catch up with the family. I never joined in christmas traditions, never sang, nothing like that. Not that there was very much celebration going on anyway. Is that wrong? I never felt like I was celebrating christmas, rather I always felt like an observer on the sidelines. But I don't know if that is wrong or not and I don't know if being there and buying a gift still counts as celebration. My grandmother is the same. If it weren't for my parent's expectations, christmas day would just be another day to her and she'd prefer that. But even she would be angry if I didn't show up.

So I do need to be very careful and make sure I know exactly what is haraam. Stay on Allah's good side first and foremost, but it is also awfully important I remain on my family's good side too.

Do you know what single celled means? Single celled is like a single bacterium. We humans are multicellular.

[Abdul Wahid]

:sl: sister

It is a tricky situation you are in. I do dua that ALLAH(SWT) makes it easy for you. As you are a new Muslim now - you have to realise that ALLAH(SWT) has blessed you with Islam. You know your on the right path now. It's best you distance yourself from all festivals that have nothing to do with Islam.

In a Hadith, Prophet Muhammad(SAW) mentions, 'Verily Halaal is clear, and verily Haraam is clear. And between them there are certain doubtful matters many people are unaware of, therefore, who stays away from doubtful matters he has protected his Deen and honour. And who gets involved in doubtful matters, he would fall into Haraam.' (Bukhari; Muslim)

Christmas is 3 months away. Easter I think 7-8 months away. During this time you can explain to your parents why you will not participate in such festivals. Don't argue with them if they don't agree. Respect them and be the better person. The more you learn about Islam, the better the person you will become (not saying that your not) and your parents/family will realise this. They will slowly learn/understand that your Muslim now and why you will not participate. ALLAH(SWT) knows best how long it will take but remember be patient.

And obey Allah and His Messenger, and do not dispute (with one another) lest you lose courage and your strength depart, and be patient. Surely, Allah is with those who are As-Sabirin (the patient ones, etc.). Surah Al-'Anfāl (The Spoils of War) - (8:46) - سورة الأنفال

I think its important you explain to your parents how important Islam is to you now and how it will make you a better person i.e. explain to them that its haraam (forbidden) to drink alcohol, to smoke, to have a boyfriend, stealing, telling lies, backbiting, false witness, cursing, bribery, gambling etc.

It's going to be difficult but have faith and trust in ALLAH(SWT). As Muslims we must have strong and deep faith and trust in ALLAH(SWT). ALLAH(SWT) knows everything and He(SWT) is with us wherever we are. He(SWT) has power and might. He(SWT) is wise and merciful. We should trust in ALLAH(SWT) in all situations, whether happy or sad, whether successful or confronted with difficulties and problems.

Ibn `Abbas (may ALLAH(SWT) be pleased with him) reported: I was (once) behind the Messenger of ALLAH(SAW) when he said to me, “Boy, I teach you (a few) words: Remember Allah, and He will protect you. Remember Allah (observing His commands and avoiding His prohibitions), and you will find Him close to you. When you have to ask for something, ask of Allah. When you seek help, seek Allah’s help. Believe firmly that if all the creation desires to benefit you in anything, they can never benefit you, but that which Allah has decreed for you. If they all unite to harm you, they will not be able to harm you in anything, but that which Allah has decreed for you.” (At-Tirmidhi)

Also do dua that ALLAH(SWT) makes it easier for you. Don't forget that when you make dua - your dua will sincere and from your heart. Dua is the weapon of a believer.

Regarding the birthdays of your brothers - they are both young. I don't see anything wrong with buying them gifts. You can make a habit of buying them something (toy car) outside birthdays. Be there for your brothers because when they grow up they will look up to you and respect you. Look after them when you can. Take time out and play with them. As they get older (and you learn more about Islam) you can InshaALLAH guide them and your parents.

May ALLAH(SWT) make it easy for you. Ameen.

:wa:

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[Snowflake]

Well my family are all non-religious and hold many typical western ideals and traditions that they want me to continue to participate in. Before I said shahada I was only doing these things because I felt I had to. Now I know I shouldn't. These are:

Birthdays
Christmas
Easter

There is no religious purpose for them celebrating these events. They just do it because "everyone else does" and because they "like the atmosphere". However they consider it so important too. I am confused at this. Anyway on to the point...

They would probably never forgive me if I didn't participate! They want me to buy gifts and take part in their celebration. If I don't it'll be like I'm ruining it for everyone apparently. I have two little brothers, the littlest one has a birthday in two months. If I don't get him anything it could upset the whole family and I'll be in everyone's bad books. Same with my other little brother, my parents, everyone. And we're only just recovering too from me being in everyone's bad books before... I'm only just starting to get along with everyone again.

What can I do? What exactly is permissible and what isn't? How can I explain to everyone?

:sl:

My family are muslims and all except me and one brother, celebrate b'days, and other innovated anniversaries. I have nephews and nieces too, but I made it clear I won't celebrate b'days because it's an innovation and asked not to be invited to these do's. I refuse to let anyone make me feel awkward about it - though they try. It's more important to me to adhere to the teachings of Islam, then to give in to the whims and desires of my loved ones. I'm going to my grave and they to theirs. We'll all be accountable for our own actions, so why change them to please others. As for the children, explain to them in private that you don't celebrate b'days, but of course you'll get them a present some other time.. just not on b'days and Xmases.

As for the grown ups, you just have to be adamant in stating that such celebrations are against your beliefs, and to please respect that. Believe me after a few b'days they do get used to it. And even if they can't resist trying to involve you, they will eventually stop expecting you to join in. In the beginning, it might be worth arranging to be out of the house yourself when the celebrations are going on.


May Allah make it easy for you. Ameen.


:wa:

[ghost]

Do you know what single celled means? Single celled is like a single bacterium. We humans are multicellular.

it was in reference to your name

[ghost]

also it was supposed to be a joke (can't find the edit button)

[Amoeba]

It seems that the only thing I can do is just tell them, and face the music.

I'm really not looking forward to telling them, they will probably disown me and I'll be homeless.

[Ramadhan]

can't find the edit button

you will, when you hit the magical 50 posts.

[Ramadhan]

It seems that the only thing I can do is just tell them, and face the music.

I'm really not looking forward to telling them, they will probably disown me and I'll be homeless.

May Allah SWT gives you strength, make your affairs easy and provides guidance to your family. Amiin.

[glo]

It seems that the only thing I can do is just tell them, and face the music.

I'm really not looking forward to telling them, they will probably disown me and I'll be homeless.

Wishing you strength and peace of mind and heart when you speak to your family. I know how painful it can be ...
Hang in there and follow your own conviction and God's calling.
Chances are your parents will worry and disagree with your for a while - that's because (I assume) they love you and want what's best for you.
Be honest with them, keep loving them, be patient and forgiving, and give them time! (Easier said than done, I know ... :))

Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.
(Let us know how you got on)

[Amat Allah]

:bism:

As our warm-hearted sister glo said...

be understanding , its a new thing to your family ,so you need to be patient with them and not to have any kind of hard feelings towards them ever no matter what...in shaa Allah...

explain everything for them in a good manner as Rasool Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) taught us and give them time ...they will understand in shaa Allah...

I suffered with my family and still tho, I am happy wallahi really happy no matter what ,still love, them kiss ,them hug them and do whatever they want except if being an act of disobedience to Allah...all Thanks Parise and Glory be to Allah for everything and anything ...May Allah guide them and all of us Ameeeeeeen

always return to Allah in everything and I swear By The Lord of heavens and earth ;you will be happy always and for ever no matter what would face you or happen to you...just put all your trust in Allah and you won`t regret ever...

Praise be to Allah and peace and blessings of Allah be upon Muhammad The Last of Prophets and Messengers...

May Allah ease all the affairs and matters of your life ,give you health and wealth ,fill your heart with His rememberance, Taqwa ,Iman ,His love ,peace ,comfort and the endless happiness and satisfaction , open all the doors of goodness and success for you ,May Allah make all your dreams, hopes ,wishes and prayers come true if were good for you and cover you with all of His blessings graces forgiveness mercy and Be pleased with you in this life and in the hereafter , May Allah protect you from all harms ,sins ,shaitan ,torment of grave ,the bad end and hell fire and May He give you the strength and the good knowledge of this Deen preserving the Qur`aan and Sunnah in your heart guiding your way always and for ever and purify you from all sins and make your grave after death one of the Paradise gardens shining bright wide and perfumed with the perfumes of Al Jannah may Allah make you pass Asseraatu ulmustaqeem in a blink of an eye and reward you with the highest levels of the Paradise (Al Ferdaws Al aalaa) with out being reckoning to be with Rasool Allah Muhammad (salla Allaho Alyhi wa Sallam) all prophets (peace and blessings of Allah be upon them )the Sahaba (may Allah be pleased with them) and Angels (peace be upon them all) and to be coverd by silk perfumed with Musk eating from Al Firdaws fruits looking to Allah Al Mighty face coverd with His light and grace......this Duaa for you my sweet heart and All the Ummah from Jinn and Mankind dead or live from the begining of the creation till the day of Judgement....

Praise be to Allah and peace and blessings of Allah be upon Muhammad The Last of Prophets and Messengers...

Ameeeeeeeeeeen

I love you for the sake of Allah my dear and precious sister:statisfie

Be strong and firm on the path of Allah