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Rashmi patre
09-16-2010, 09:15 AM
Salam all, i'm a hindu n he's a muslim, we were in love so without the witness of any person with khuda as witness kabul kiya on 1st day of ramzan in 2008 n started living as husband n wife. We tried a lot to convince his parents as they didn't accept me he married other muslim girl in May 2010. Before his marriage we've aborted 2 babies as we had not revealed about our kabul to his parents. Now after his marriage also he stays till late evening with me n then go to his house. I'm not able to accept his relationship with other girl n i'm in fix. I can't live without him is my problem. I always pray allah almighty to solve this problem. Dear allah almighty messengers pls tell me what should i do
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Moderator
09-19-2010, 12:12 PM
Dear Rashmi,

I regret to inform you, but your marriage with this man is not valid according to Islam. Primary reason is that for a nikah to be valid, there must be witnesses.

Secondly, Muslim men are not allowed to marry Hindu women (it is only allowed for them to marry people of the book - Christians, Jews but even then there are strict crtieria that need to be met). A Hindu/Muslim marriage would not be considered valid under Islamic law. However, it is unclear from your post whether you are still Hindu.

Even if you did convert to Islam, you living with this man constitutes fornication and is a sin, since you are not married to him.
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جوري
09-25-2010, 12:09 AM
I am really sad you aborted two babies.. I am not sure what to say about your relationship as I can't get past this grievous act =( la 7wla wla qiwta illa billah..does your love for this man overpower the love for what has created in your womb?.. do you have any idea how many people pay their entire fortune for a child.. why would you do this sister in humanity?
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Insecured soul
09-25-2010, 01:24 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by Moderator
(it is only allowed for them to marry people of the book - Christians, Jews but even then there are strict crtieria that need to be met)
I would like to learn what those strict criteria is if you dont mind, just to fill that in my KB

:sl:
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Ummu Sufyaan
09-25-2010, 02:28 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by τhε ṿαlε'ṡ lïlÿ
I am really sad you aborted two babies.. I am not sure what to say about your relationship as I can't get past this grievous act =( la 7wla wla qiwta illa billah..does your love for this man overpower the love for what has created in your womb?.. do you have any idea how many people pay their entire fortune for a child.. why would you do this sister in humanity?
agreed with that.
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Hamza Asadullah
09-26-2010, 04:35 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by Rashmi patre
Salam all, i'm a hindu n he's a muslim, we were in love so without the witness of any person with khuda as witness kabul kiya on 1st day of ramzan in 2008 n started living as husband n wife. We tried a lot to convince his parents as they didn't accept me he married other muslim girl in May 2010. Before his marriage we've aborted 2 babies as we had not revealed about our kabul to his parents. Now after his marriage also he stays till late evening with me n then go to his house. I'm not able to accept his relationship with other girl n i'm in fix. I can't live without him is my problem. I always pray allah almighty to solve this problem. Dear allah almighty messengers pls tell me what should i do
Wa Alaikum, Firstly you mention that you are Hindu, so does that mean you have not accepted Islam? If you believe in Islam that means you have to totally disregard hinduism and all belief contrary to the beliefs of Islam.

Secondly a marriage without any witness is not valid in Islam so Islamically you never were married to him. You also mention that he comes to you in the evening and then goes back to his wife. You should wake up and realise that he is merely using you to fulfiil his sexual desires. You should not lower yourself anymore but cut off contact with him immediatley as the both of you are committing adultery which is a grevious sin and it is a bigger sin on him as he is married.

So if you care for your own dignity and respect as well as for him then you must leave this illicit adulterous relationship immediatley. If you have not accepted Islam then you should do so knowing that it is the only way to true success in this world and the next.

Take a look at this: http://www.ilovezakirnaik.com/muhamm...sed/hindus.htm
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Hamza Asadullah
09-26-2010, 05:10 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by Insecured soul
I would like to learn what those strict criteria is if you dont mind, just to fill that in my KB

:sl:
Asalaamu Alaikum Wr Wb, According to Sheikh Mufti Muhammad ibn Adam al-Kawthari:

In the name of Allah, Most Compassionate, Most Merciful,

Inter-marriage between Muslims and non-Muslims is something that has been clearly prohibited in the Qur'an and Sunnah, thus not permissible in any way. The only exception to this general rule is the marriage of Muslim men with Christian and Jewish girls, and that also with certain conditions.

Allah Most High says:

"Do not marry unbelieving women until they believe. A slave woman who believes is better than an unbelieving woman, even though if she attracts you. And not marry (your girls) to unbelievers until they believe. A man slave who believes is better than an unbeliever, even though if he attracts you. Unbelievers do (but) beckon you to the fire but Allah beckons by His grace to the garden (of bliss) and forgiveness, and makes His signs clear to mankind; that they may receive admonition". (al-Baqarah, 221).

The above verse of the Holy Qur'an along with many other statements of the Qur'an and Sunnah clearly mention the impermissibility of Muslims marrying non-Muslims. Therefore, a marriage between a Muslim and someone from another religion will not be lawful or even valid according to Islam. The exception, however, is mentioned in the following verse:

"(Lawful unto you in marriage are chaste women who are believers and chaste women among the people of the book". (al-Ma'idah, 5).

Thus, it would be permissible, in principle, for Muslim men to marry women from the people of the book (ahl al-Kitab) namely Christian and Jewish girls. However, this is also subjected to certain conditions, as will be mentioned later.

The reason behind this is that, marital relationships demand mutual love, affection and intimacy and without this, the purpose of marriage is left unfulfilled. If such close relationship of love and intimacy is established with a non-Muslim, it may emotionally incline a Muslim towards disbelief (kufr) or, at least, the abhorrence of Kufr and Shirk may not remain in the heart. Consequently, it may lead one to disbelief and eventually the fire of Hell. This is why Allah Almighty said towards the end of the verse of Surah al-Baqarah quoted above:

"Unbelievers do (but) beckon you to the fire but Allah beckons by His grace to the garden (of bliss) and forgiveness, and makes His signs clear to mankind; that they may receive admonition". ( 221). (See: Ma'arif al-Qur'an, 1/ 540).

Therefore, the fear that a Muslim man or woman may well be affected with his/her partner's religion, thus go on to a path that leads to the fire of hell, is the main cause for this prohibition. Hence, a Muslim woman will not be allowed whatsoever to marry anyone besides a Muslim man, and even if she did, the marriage will not be valid in Islam. Similarly, a Muslim man will not be allowed to marry any non-Muslim girl, such as a Hindu, Sikh, Buddhist, or any other non-Muslim woman. However, it will be permissible for him to marry a Christian or a Jewish girl. This is explained in the following section.

Marrying Christian and Jewish girls

As stated previously, Islam has allowed Muslim men to marry women from the people of the book (ahl al-Kitab). This permission is explicitly mentioned in the verse of the Qur�an already quoted:

"(Lawful unto you in marriage are chaste women who are believers and chaste women among the people of the book". (al-Ma'idah, 5).

However, there are certain points that need to be taken into consideration here:

Firstly, the exception of Christian and Jewish girls is because the difference in belief between the people of the book and Muslims is relatively lesser and lighter as compared with other non-Muslims. They are all monotheistic religions and known as the Abrahamic faiths. The basic difference between Islam and the other two religions is the belief in the last Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace). Therefore, the fear and danger of corruptibility is less as compared to marrying with women from other faiths, thus Islam gave this permission for Muslim men to marry Christian and Jewish girls.

A question may arise here, that if the difference between Muslims and people of the book is considered to be lighter as compared to other faiths, then why is it unlawful for Muslim girls to marry Christian and Jewish men?

The answer to this question is that, women are somewhat weak and emotional by nature. Then the husband has been given a caretaking and controlling role over the wife. As such, it is very likely that the Muslim wife may fall prey and become impressed with her husband's faith. The chances of the husband becoming affected by his wife's faith are remote, thus the difference between the two situations is clear.

Moreover, by marrying a Christian or a Jewish man, the status of the Muslim wife would be affected, for the wife normally takes the nationality and status given by her husband's law. A Christian or a Jewish woman marrying a Muslim man would be expected eventually to accept Islam, while the possibility of a Muslim woman changing her faith to that of her husband is very likely. Therefore, only Muslim men were given this permission of marrying with women from the people of the book.

Secondly, women who are Christians and Jews merely by name, and do not really believe in any religion, like a large number of people in the west, cannot be termed as people of the book (ahl al-Kitab). They are atheist in reality and it will not be permissible for Muslim men to marry them.

Therefore, one must first make sure that the woman is truly a believing Christian or Jew, and then consider contracting marriage with them.

Thirdly, it should be remembered that the meaning of the permission of marrying Christian and Jewish women is simply that, if a marriage contract was performed with them, it would be valid according to Islam and the children born out of this wedlock will be considered legitimate.

However, there are various narrations that establish its undesirability. A Muslim man is advised in the Hadith to select a life partner who fully observes the injunctions of Islam, so that she becomes a means of attaining piety. If that is the case, then marrying Christian and Jewish girls would be disliked.

This is the reason why Sayyiduna Umar ibn al-Khattab (Allah be pleased with him) prevented many such marriages in his lifetime because of what he had seen of the corruption that resulted in Iraq and Syria. (See: Muhammad ibn al-Hasan, Kitab al-Athar).

Finally, this permission is only when one is confident that he himself or his children will not be affected by this marriage. In the early days, Muslims were duly equipped with adequate Islamic knowledge and an unshaken commitment towards their religion. As such, there was no risk of the husband being affected by his wife's religion. Rather, the wife would see the glory of Islam, thus enter into the fold of Islam.

Therefore, if a Muslim male is confident that marriage with a Christian or Jewish girl will have no affect on his and his children's Islamic identity and commitment, then there is no bar against such marriages. However, if he is not so confident, he must avoid entering into such marriages.

And Allah knows best


The following article explains very well why the marriages of Muslim men to non Muslims are not recommended:


Interfaith Marriages


Children have the right to be brought up in an Islamic environment by good Muslim parents. So Muslim men in the West should think carefully before marrying outside the faith.

Muslim men and women are told to seek faithful spouses with a strong, good belief, and not allow non-Muslim standards of selection influence them. Muslim men can marry only Muslim, Christian, or Jewish chaste women, while Muslim women can marry only chaste Muslim men.

Allah (s.w.t.) said:

This day are (all) good things made lawful for you. The food of those who have received the Scripture is lawful for you, and your food is lawful for them. And so are the virtuous women of the believers and the virtuous women of those who have received the Scripture before you (lawful for you) when you give them their marriage portions and live with them in honor, not in fornication, nor taking them as secret concubines. Whoso denies the faith, his work is vain and he will be among the losers in the Hereafter. [Qur'an: Al-Ma'idah (5:5)].

A Muslim man is discouraged from marrying a non-Muslim woman if there is no Islamic State or if he is not living in an existing Islamic state, since the non-Islamic states do not recognize his rights as head of the family to raise the children Islamically. On the contrary, the children will most likely be brought up in their mother's religion, since the Muslim husband does not have his Islamic rights in his non-Muslim wife's country.

There are many tragic examples of Muslim men who tried to take their children to their Muslim countries after they divorced non-Muslim wives. The women in many of these cases succeeded in bringing the children back to be raised in the non-Islamic societies as non-Muslims. The fathers are referred to as kidnappers (of their own children) in the non-Islamic media. Unfortunately, even the governments in Muslim countries these days help the non-Muslim wives to get custody of the children. This is due to the absence of an Islamic state which would protect Muslim children from being kidnapped by non-Muslim wives to be raised as non-Muslims.

Muslim men should consider these issues before they marry non-Muslim women, especially when the man is strongly influenced by her physical appearance. A Muslim man should look to the future and consider his duties toward his children. The cases mentioned show clearly the damage that can be done to children in interfaith marriages, and while a personal sin may be easy to forget and repent from, one may never overcome the problems that arise because his children were raised as non-Muslims as a result of his negligence concerning providing the right spouse and community for them. Children have the right to be brought up in an Islamic environment by good Muslim parents.

The benefits of marrying a non-Muslim woman are minimal when both live in a non-Islamic state. The woman and her relatives would not see how Muslims live as a community, nor would they have close contact with family, should the Muslim man decide to marry her and live outside the Islamic State. Marrying a chaste Christian or Jewish woman in a non-Islamic state should be considered as a last resort and as the only alternative to keep him from falling into adultery. Men, however, should be aware of the fact that most women in non-Islamic societies do not qualify as chaste women in Islam, (i.e. abstention from unlawful sexual activities). Some Muslim men ignore these conditions and ignore the commands of Allah when they are misled and fooled by a smile from a non-Muslim woman.

Abdullah Ibn `Abbas, a famous companion of the Prophet (s.a.w.) and a famous scholar, said that Muslim men should not marry Christian or Jewish women from people who are enemies of Islam.

Dr. Yusuf Al-Qaradhawi, a contemporary Muslim scholar, said that the Christian or Jewish women can be married only if the four conditions summarized below are satisfied:

She must be Kitabiyyah, i.e. Christian or Jewish by faith, and not by virtue of birth into a Christian or Jewish family. Many women who live in Christian or Jewish societies today are atheists, Buddhists or Bahai's. These women are prohibited for Muslim men. A woman who commits apostasy, by becoming a non-Muslim after being a Muslim, would not be allowed to marry a Muslim man, since apostasy is much worse than unbelief.

She must be Muhsanah, which means chaste and virtuous. Women who are involved in illicit relationships with men are prohibited for Muslim men. Most non-Muslim women these days do not qualify as Muhsanat (chaste and virtuous women who abstain from sexual activities outside marriage), and Muslim men should fear Allah and keep this condition in mind.

The woman should not be from people who are fighting Islam or are helping others to fight Islam.

There should be no threat or possible harm from marrying her. For example, if a man's children would not be raised as Muslims, he should not marry her. If the courts in a non-Islamic society would give the children to her in the case of divorce, then he cannot marry her, unless she agrees that he would have the children in the case of divorce.

Dr. Yusuf Al-Qaradhawi also said that Muslim men may not marry Christian or Jewish women if the Muslim community is a small minority in a huge non-Muslim society, and such marriages would make it impossible for Muslim women to find Muslim men to marry. This is classified under "limiting the allowed" in the Islamic jurisprudence. Dr. Yusuf Al-Qaradhawi used the example that if all people grew cotton instead of wheat, the government would have the right to stop them from doing so, since wheat is a necessary food ingredient, even though growing cotton is allowed in normal cases.

Non-Muslim women who repent and accept Islam are treated as any other Muslim if their acceptance of Islam is sincere and not merely for the purpose of marrying Muslim men. Islam forgives all that was before it. Some people, however, accept Islam by name only to marry a Muslim, without showing the least change in their lifestyles to prove that they are following Islam. One should not marry from such people.

There are many Muslim girls of a marriageable age who are living in non-Islamic countries, and it is the duty of the Muslim men to protect these girls from marrying non-Muslim men, which is absolutely prohibited in Islam. If Muslim men loosely practice their right to marry Christian or Jewish women, the Muslims girls in non-Islamic societies will be forced into unwanted circumstances and Muslim men will be at least partially responsible and will get their share of the punishment from Allah.

In considering marriage to a non-Muslim woman a man should remember that marriage is more than the private marital relationship. A good Muslim woman would provide her husband with total security, comfort, trust, tranquility, and happiness, and would raise the children as good Muslims. A man would not have to see his children taken to a church every Sunday without being able to prevent it or live with the concern that his wife would teach his children un-Islamic traditions. It is much easier to trust a Muslim woman than to trust a non-Muslim woman who does not fear Allah, and know that He is watching her all the time. And certainly a woman who does not fear Allah, who sees and knows everything, will not fear or obey her husband who is only home in the evenings.

Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w.) said:

A woman is chosen as a wife for her wealth, beauty, family, and faith. Win the one that has the faith or you would ruin your life. (Bukhari and Muslim).

The following verse from the Qur'an beautifully gives us the guidelines for selecting the right wife:

Allah (s.w.t.) said:

Do not marry unbelieving women until they believe; a slave woman who believes is better than a free woman who does not believe, even though the latter may appear very attractive to you. Al-Qur'an: Al-Baqarah (2:221)

Source:http://www.islamfortoday.com/interfaithmarriage.htm


And Allah knows best in all matters
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manaal
09-26-2010, 09:45 PM
I don't think this sister had much of a choice but to abort, since the alternative was to have an illegitimate child. But clearly, you shouldn't have got into such a mess in the first place.

If you want to continue your relationship with this man, you have to do the following:
1) Embrace Islam wholeheartedly
2) Sincerely repent to Allah (swt), your sinful acts of zina and promise not to ever do it again.
3) Marry him legally with 2 witnesses.

Requirements for a leagal Islamic marriage:
Primary Requirements
1) Mutual agreement (Ijab-O-Qubul) by the bride and the groom
2) Two adult and sane witnesses
3) Mahr (marriage-gift) to be paid by the groom to the bride either immediately (muajjal) or deferred (muakhkhar), or a combination of both

Secondary Requirements
1) Legal guardian (wakeel) representing the bride
2) Written marriage contract ("Aqd-Nikah) signed by the bride and the groom and witnesses by two adult and sane witnesses
3) Qadi (State appointed Muslim judge) or Ma'zoon (a responsible person officiating the marriage ceremony)
4) Khutba-tun-Nikah to solemnize the marriage
Read full article here.
He also needs to sincerely repent for his part in the act of zina. But he doesn't need permission from his parents to marry you. Also he should be able to treat you and wife #1 equally.
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جوري
09-27-2010, 12:53 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by manaal
I don't think this sister had much of a choice but to abort, since the alternative was to have an illegitimate child. But clearly, you shouldn't have got into such a mess in the first place.
She is married by state law even if not Islamicly recognized.. To me it is unfathomable to abort a child.. I wish I can show some of those who abort through just three months into the life of someone undergoing fertility treatments, the massive hormones, the painful instrumentation, the egg harvest, the spontaneous abortion of those eggs because they are not viable and the emotional and financial roller coaster, I am talking three months because I don't think many can take seeing this for years let alone experiencing it.. It is like trashing life.. sob7an Allah, how does one live with that?

:w:
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Hamza Asadullah
09-27-2010, 01:18 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by manaal
I don't think this sister had much of a choice but to abort, since the alternative was to have an illegitimate child. But clearly, you shouldn't have got into such a mess in the first place.
Asalaamu Alaikum, this statement is very incorrect as Pregnancy due to illegitimate sexual intercourse is no excuse for carrying out an abortion. The following is a part of a fatwa by Sheikh Mufti Muhammad ibn Adam in regards to a similar question that was asked in regards to abortion due to illegitmate sex outside of marriage:

Islam condemns and rejects illicit sex and everything that leads to it.

Allah Most High says:

“And do not come (even) close to adultery, for it is a shameful (deed) and an evil, opening the road (to other evils).” (Surah al-Isra, V: 32)

Islam has also laid down a legal punishment (hadd) for the one who is guilty of this grievous crime, so that it serves as a deterrent for others.

Thus, it would not be permitted to have an abortion due to unlawful sex, regardless of how old the pregnancy is. Abortion is not the Islamic solution to illegitimate sex resulting in pregnancy; rather, the solution is to eradicate means that lead to fornication. If the door is left open for aborting pregnancies that occur outside of wedlock, its consequences could be destructive.

An incident which took place in the time of the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) sheds light on the Islamic viewpoint in this regard.

Sayyiduna Abd Allah ibn Burayda (may Allah be pleased with him) narrates on the authority of his father…. “Then came to the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) a woman from Ghamid and said: “O Messenger of Allah! I have committed adultery, so purify me.” He (the Messenger of Allah) turned her away. On the following day she said: “O Messenger of Allah! Why do you turn me away? Perhaps, you turn me away as you turned away Ma’iz. By Allah, I have become pregnant.” He (Allah bless him & give him peace) said: “Well, if you insist upon it, then go away until you give birth to (the child).” When she delivered, she came to the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) with the child wrapped in a piece of cloth and said: “Here is the child whom I have given birth to.” He (Allah bless him & give him peace) said: “Go away and suckle him until you wean him.” When she had weaned him, she came to him with the child who was holding a piece of bread in his hand and said: “O Prophet of Allah! Here is the child, as I have weaned him and he eats food. The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) entrusted the child to one of the Muslims and then pronounced punishment. And she was put in a ditch up to her chest and he commanded people and they stoned her. Khalid ibn al-Walid came forward with a stone which he flung at her head and because of it blood spurted on the face of Khalid and so he cursed her. The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) heard him (Khalid) cursing her, hence he said: “O Khalid, be gentle. By Him in Whose Hand is my life, she has made such a repentance that even if a wrongful tax-collector were to repent, he would have been forgiven. Then the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) gave order regarding her, hence he prayed over her and she was buried. (Sahih Muslim, no: 1695)

The above incident clearly illustrates that pregnancy due to illegitimate sexual intercourse cannot be terminated; rather it should be carried to term. Had aborting it been permissible, the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) would have surely advised it to the woman.

If one was to read the Islamic literature with regards to penal law, it would become clear that the matter of legal punishment is not something that is to be taken lightly. A legal punishment (hadd) should be carried out as soon as possible, but despite this, the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give peace) ordered her to wait until the child was born and started weaning. He could have advised her to abort the foetus in order for the legal punishment to be carried out sooner.

The above incident also points out to the fact that abortion due to illicit sex will be unlawful at all stages, whether the soul is blown into the foetus or otherwise. The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) did not ask the woman as to how old was the pregnancy.

Moreover, the unborn baby in the mother’s womb is honoured and sacred, even though it may be a result of unlawful sex and adultery.

It is stated in the famous Hanafi Fiqh masterpiece, al-Hidaya:

“And the foetus (due to illegitimate sex) is (also) honoured, as it is not guilty of any wrongdoing, thus it will not be permissible to terminate it.” (2/292)

In other words, the unborn child in the mother’s womb has not committed any sin for its presence. Hence, it is surely a crime to abort it due to a sin committed by another person. It is inhumane and unjust that the unborn child has to pay the price for a sin committed by its parents- a sin which they desire to conceal from others. One individual cannot bear the burden of another, and every individual must bear his/her own responsibility, a fact outlined by the Qur’an.

Allah Most High says:

“No bearer of burdens can bear the burden of another.” (Surah al-Isra, V: 15)

Thus, it is clear with the above that abortion due to unlawful sexual intercourse cannot be justified. It will remain unlawful after and prior to the soul being entered into the foetus. (Taken from my up and coming publication Insha Allah, Birth Control and Abortion-The Islamic Perspective (Revised Edition)


And Allah knows best in all matters
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Ummu Sufyaan
09-27-2010, 01:20 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by τhε ṿαlε'ṡ lïlÿ

She is married by state law even if not Islamicly recognized.. To me it is unfathomable to abort a child.. I wish I can show some of those who abort through just three months into the life of someone undergoing fertility treatments, the massive hormones, the painful instrumentation, the egg harvest, the spontaneous abortion of those eggs because they are not viable and the emotional and financial roller coaster, I am talking three months because I don't think many can take seeing this for years let alone experiencing it.. It is like trashing life.. sob7an Allah, how does one live with that?

:w:
this is abit off topic but i wanted to ask something about aborted fetuses...as a fetus, the baby can hear and cry and has the normal 5 senses, right? so does that mean that it can feel the pain that its going through due to abortion? can it feel the affects of abortion the same way a normal person can feel pain?
Reply

جوري
09-27-2010, 02:46 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Ummu Sufyaan
this is abit off topic but i wanted to ask something about aborted fetuses...as a fetus, the baby can hear and cry and has the normal 5 senses, right? so does that mean that it can feel the pain that its going through due to abortion? can it feel the affects of abortion the same way a normal person can feel pain?
:sl:

well it depends on which stage they are aborted, usually 2nd trimester abortions are illegal unless for a valid medical reason, so those people go to those clinics and do God knows what.. crushing skulls and vacuuming out ..

:w:
Reply

جوري
09-27-2010, 02:55 PM

Warning: Graphic Images
http://www.cheffabregat.com/images/abortion%283%29.jpg

breaks your heart when it is your own mother paying to have you killed..

la 7wala wla qiwta illa billah..:(
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Ummu Sufyaan
09-28-2010, 08:30 AM
^ barakallahu feeki.

I've seen disturbing images like that before. :(
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